From the category archives:

Helping Children

The World as Viewed by Mother Teresa

by joi on March 3, 2010

in Book Reviews, Books I Love, Daily Quote, Helping Children, Make a Difference, Positive Thought, Spiritual

“In these times of development, the whole world runs and is hurried.  But there are some who fall down on the way and have no strength to go ahead.  These are the ones we must care about.” – Mother Teresa

The powerfully beautiful and beautifully powerful quote above is just one of the gems from Mother Teresa found in In the Heart of the World: Thoughts, Stories and Prayers.

Mother Teresa’s name and image will forever be associated with her kindness, gentleness, and compassion.  Her selfless work with the “poorest of the poor” should be an inspiration to all of us.  In the Heart of the World, written by Mother Teresa, is filled with her eloquent wisdom, motivation, and inspirational teachings.  Below are a few more examples.

Be kind in your actions.  Do not think that you are the only one who can do efficient work, work worth showing.  This makes you harsh in your judgment of others who may not have the same talents.  Do your best and trust that others do their best.  And be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength shines.

We too are called to withdraw at certain intervals into deeper silence and aloneness with God, together as a community as well as personally.  To be alone with him – not with our books, thoughts, and memories but completely stripped of everything – to dwell lovingly in his presence, silent, empty, expectant, and motionless.  We cannot find agitation.

If we were more willing to see the good and beautiful things that surround us, we would be able to transform our families.  From there, we would change our next-door neighbors and then others who live in our neighborhood or city.  We would be able to bring peace and love to our world, which hungers so much for these things.

As I read this book, I lost myself in the beauty that was and is Mother Teresa.  Reading her words was so incredibly peaceful and relaxing – yet, at the same time, an unrest crept up inside of me and stirred around.  I realized that there is far more that I can and should do to help others in the world who are far less fortunate.   While on the early pages, I kept thinking, “What the world needs right now is another Mother Teresa.”  But, as I approached the final pages, I thought, “What the world needs right now if for more men and women to start caring more about people and less about possessions.  It needs more hearts that are broken for the suffering of others.  And more people refusing to look the other way.”

We don’t need another Mother Teresa as much as we need to learn from the one we were blessed with.

“I must be willing to give whatever it takes to do good to others.  This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts.  Otherwise, there is no true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me.”  – Mother Teresa

The Mother Teresa quotes are from In the Heart of the World: Thoughts, Stories and Prayers

Time for a Reality TV Adjustment

by joi on January 18, 2010

in Helping Children, Relationships

Day Of Anger Poster Print

I’ve noticed a very disturbing, yet escalating trend: People seem to be more disagreeable than ever before.  It seems to me that they’re lashing out with less provocation, disagreeing more readily, and all but refusing to see the other person’s point of view.   I don’t know how people who work with the public on a daily basis stand it.  If it keeps going like this, Wal-Mart greeters will need to arm themselves with mace.

Okay, I’m exaggerating but you get the point.

Frankly, I think part of the blame lies in the the things we watch on television, specifically certain reality shows. The ones that treat fighting, yelling, name-calling, and being obnoxious as something desirable and even entertaining. Is this really what most people are drawn to these days? The Reality shows on MTV are the worst.

My husband and I went to Best Buy a few nights ago and as we were leaving, some kids were standing near the door.  A few young girls were yelling and cussing – really trying to be toughies, yet looking and sounding ridiculous.  The loud f-bombs, the overly dramatic anger, the attempts to seem out of control..  it was obvious that they regularly bowed at the alter of reality television.  I’d rather have my toenails yanked out one by one than to see the average young lady begin to look and sound like these girls.  Instead of looking bright, the future would look (and sound) dim, dark, and dank.

More adults need to pay attention to what their kids are watching – and think twice about what they’re watching, themselves.  I really am sorry if that sounds…. no, I’m not.  I’m not sorry how it sounds – it’s the truth.

Don’t get me wrong, a few of my favorite shows fall under the heading of Reality TV.  I just dare you to get between me and The Biggest Loser or Survivor!  These shows, however, aren’t the ones causing the problems.  The ones that are beginning to spew nastiness out into our culture are the ones that serve absolutely no purpose at all – other than polluting their viewers, especially the ones who are a little weaker emotionally and/or mentally.  They’re the shows that highlight crass behavior, yelling, crudeness, and vulgarity.  They’re the ones that celebrate depravity and tastelessness.

I think everyone needs a refresher course in class, decency, and what it means to have character rather than be a character.

The other day, I was reading a thread of comments under a blog post.  The post was about one of these ridiculous reality shows, one of the newer ones – Heaven help us.  I’ve never seen an episode, nor would I watch one for money – but I have seen  previews.  The most recent preview showed females fighting, screaming, and then being carted off to jail as men stood around laughing.

Wow, so entertaining.  So enriching, educational, and uplifting.

One of the comments said something to the effect, “Remember when America had class?” I have no idea whether or not this was an American who made the comment or not.  Either way, as a proud American, I found the comment to be very depressing.   I’d like to go on record as saying that, as a whole, we do have class.  Most of us still shun this sort of ignorance and we cringe when people act like barbarians in public or private.

Our biggest fault, I suppose, may be the fact that we’ve remained too quiet and too laid back for too long.   I’d l0ve to see a big, beautiful, long overdue movement rise from the heartland of America.  A movement that said we’re tired of what television is doing to our country and its young people.  A movement that said, America has as much class now as it ever did!

Remember, just because you can watch morons on television acting like morons on television and realize that they are abnormal doesn’t mean that a young person is capable of the same separation. Even the most intelligent and mature young person will come away from these types of shows worse than they were beforehand.  Sit down with the young people in your life and watch what they watch with them – if you can stand it.  Ask yourself if there’s anything remotely in this show that will make them a better, stronger, more intelligent individual.  Does the show promote class, character, or tastefulness in any way?

If you think I’m over-reacting, you haven’t seen what’s on television right now.  Sadly, odds are that the young people in your life probably have.  Don’t feel left out, though, given enough time, you’ll  see exactly what they saw.  Through them.  And it won’t be pretty.

Thursday Throwback: A Grandfather’s Top Ten List That’s Pure Gold

by joi on January 7, 2010

in Books I Love, Helping Children, Positive Thought, Relationships, Thursday Throwback

The following is a wonderful article from a book from 1947.  The book’s title, Words to Live By, sums up this author’s thoughts perfectly.  They are, indeed, words to live by.   The author, Will Durant, wrote these ten rules for his own grandchildren – but, as you’ll see, many of the rules apply to people of all ages.

Send a list to your own children and/or grandchildren.  For that matter, send it to everyone you know.  Personally, I think the world would be a much better place if every single one of us read through… then lived out… the following grandfatherly advice.

FOR VERY YOUNG PHILOSOPHERS by Will Durant

EDITOR’s NOTE:  Mr. Durant, as everyone knows, is the distinguished author of an impressive list of important books, including the multivolumed The Story of Civilization.  But when we asked him to contribute some thoughts to the “Words to Live By” page, he stepped out of his role as philosopher and historian into that of grandfather.  The advice he gives here was written for his own three grandchildren.

  1. Begin the day with cleanliness.  Keep your bathroom immaculate.
  2. Before leaving your room in the morning put all discarded clothing into a dresser or a closet.
  3. Dress yourself neatly; other people can judge us only by what they see, until they know us well; and their judgments will affect our progress and our happiness.
  4. Enter into the life of the family and the community with good cheer; make little of your troubles, much of your good fortune.
  5. Do not speak while another is speaking.  Discuss, do not dispute.  Absorb and acknowledge whatever truth you can find in opinions different from your own.
  6. Be courteous and considerate to all, especially to those who oppose you.
  7. Reduce to a minimum your reading, hearing, and watching of material intended for immature minds.  The mind is formed by what it takes in.  Don’t be a wastebasket.
  8. Do some studying every day; grow old while learning.
  9. Combine external modesty with internal pride.  Your modesty will make it easier for those around you to bear with you; your internal pride will stir you to shun meanness and sloth.
  10. You will find the Golden Rule the simplest and surest secret of happiness.

**********************

Reduce to a minimum your reading, hearing, and watching of material intended for immature minds.  The mind is formed by what it takes in.  Don’t be a wastebasket. Leave it to a grandfather to beautifully sum up what the rest of us have been trying to convey for two forevers.  I love this!

Make a Difference in the Life of a Child This Christmas

by joi on December 4, 2009

in Helping Children, Make a Difference, Must Reads, Positive Thought

Toys for Tots Bear

“We make a living through what we get, but we make a life through what we give.” – Winston Churchill

During a Christmas season when all of us are feeling the tightening of the money belt,we have to be careful not to get sidetracked with the wrong kinds of thoughts…. “stinkin’ thinkin’” as it were.  Christmas shouldn’t be a time for worrying, fretting, or stressing over how much we’re able to buy or not buy.  Christmas is a time for celebrating!

Now, having said that, I  completely understand wanting to have the house all decked out in beautiful colors and lights.  I understand wanting to have oodles of cookies, piles of fudge, and jars of homemade candies.  As a doting (there really can be no other word for it) wife and mother, I most certainly understand wanting to buy your husband the best sweaters, your daughters the loveliest lovelies, and your sons the best games.  What’s more, we want them all wrapped in the most gorgeous gift wrapping possible.

Then there’s the bank balance – letting you know, every step of the way, that this year isn’t quite like any other.  At least not one like most of us have ever seen.  Since I can remember, Christmas was always bright, wonderful, and lavish.  As an only child, most Christmases presented me with so many presents I was positively worn out at the end of it all.

However, none of the toys, stuffed animals, bikes, barbie airports, barbie townhouses, dolls (not even the one that tumbled) symbolize Christmas for me.  When I think back over my favorite Christmases, I think of…

  • My MeMe’s divinity – she was paralyzed on one side but could outbake just about anyone!
  • My mom’s peanut butter fudge
  • The year my grandmother set out her Nativity set and gave Mary’s position to a shepherd and put Mary in the back with the sheep.  When I asked her why she wanted to change history, she nearly collapsed in laughter.  I was 10 at the time, but her laugh is still in my mind… and heart.
  • The year my mom broke with tradition and decorated her tree all fru-fru like with mauve bows, angel heads, and baby’s breath.  My very traditional dad snarled at it every time he passed by it.  One night as he happened to be turning off the lights, my mom called from the back of the house, “Turn off the tree lights, we don’t want it catching fire!”  Just then, he flipped the switch back on and winked at me.
  • The first year my husband and I were married – he was in the military and money wasn’t exactly flowing in our direction.  We went to a craft’s store and loaded up on supplies.  Then we went home and, after I baked us some warm chocolate chip cookies – we made gifts for everyone in our family.  They still have, and treasure, them!  We had a blast, too.  I do remember, however, losing my husband a few times during the process when football was on television.  Then, again to be fair, he lost me a few times when UK basketball was on.
  • Watching Christmas specials with our girls when they were little.  These days, if Johnny Depp, Miley Cyrus, or Tyra isn’t in the special – my girls aren’t in the room.  That’s cool with me, my cat Alexa and I watch them anyway!
  • I remember our cat Prissy always climbing the Christmas tree -every single year!  I stopped using breakable ornaments when she was still alive, because I didn’t want her hurting herself. Get this – I didn’t even use the hooks during the Prissy years.  When she hit 20 years, she didn’t get much higher than the bottom branch, but she still gave it a go.  Thankfully, Alexa (a good 10 pounds heavier) is content to lie under the tree and sneak into presents.

The list of memories goes on and on and on, but the remarkable thing is, what I received or didn’t receive is nowhere near the top of the list.  It just didn’t matter.  Laughter did, love did, chocolate did.  And Mary in the field.

If you’re cutting back this year, don’t fret it and don’t sweat it!  In fact, I’d like to make a suggestion:  Take a particular area and do something completely selfless and wonderful instead.  For example:  If you planned on decorating the outside of your house, use the money for Toys for Tots instead.   Go to the website and find out when they’ll be collecting toys in your area, then go straight to the store and buy some fantastic toys to give.  If you do this (for example) in place of lighting up your house – you will have a great deal of money to spend on toys.

Which had you rather light up – your yard or the face of a child in need.  Not even close.

Another suggestion: If your office normally has a huge Christmas party or dinner, suggest this year that each individual brings in a toy for children.  Then, appoint someone to take the collection to Toys for Tots or another agency which is moving Heaven and earth to help children.  If you and I are feeling the pinch this year, for crying out loud (literally) can you imagine the predictament others are in?  The thought of a child not having a present on Christmas makes me want to cry. (In fact, there come the tears now.)

I’m just incredibly afraid that, this year, toys and donations are going to be especially low and there will be many, many children left out.

Please, please, please go to Toys for Tots right now and learn more about your local campaign.

If you make one precious child smile this Christmas – whether you realize it or not, you had a richer Christmas than most could ever hope for.  The smile on a child’s face will warm God’ s heart more than a billion lights.  I suspect it’s the kind of light show angels line up to see!

Toys for Tots

61 Ways to Feel Happier During the Holidays

by joi on November 23, 2009

in General, Helping Children, Must Reads, Positive Thought

Christmas ornament

The holidays can be either the happiest time of the year or the saddest.  For those who have reasons to feel sad (lost loved ones, grown children, divorce, a recent break up, loved ones who’ll be away from home on Christmas…), all of the ridiculously happy faces only add to their own unhappiness – Why can’t I feel as happy as everyone else? If you recognize yourself in this scenario, don’t give up hope just yet.  You don’t have to face Thanksgiving and Christmas with a frown on your face or a tear in your eye.

Below are some suggestions for putting the Happy back in Happy Thanksgiving and the Merry back in Merry Christmas.  A lot of them would actually work for any time of the year – after all, the blues aren’t exclusive to the Holiday Season!

  1. Number one for a reason:  Buy and wrap new toys for the different Toys for Children programs in your area. Find the prettiest, brightest Christmas paper (or bags) you can find and let the joy that they’ll bring to underprivileged children fill your heart and soul.  Think about their little faces lighting up and about the fact that they’ll have something to brag about to other kids about when they go back to school.  Blues? What blues?
  2. Go to your local animal shelter and adopt a couple of new babies! It’s just not possible to be miserable when you’re giving a wonderful new life and home to a couple of precious cats or dogs.  Buy them new fluffy beds, bright food and water bowls, and (of course) toys.
  3. If cats or dogs are out of the question for some reason, head off to a local pet store. You’ll find hamsters, guinea pigs, and a host of little cuties looking for love.
  4. Work a puzzle.
  5. Buy a coloring book and crayons and don’t worry about staying inside the lines.  Extra points if you grab one with Santas, Elves, and candy canes.
  6. Make homemade boiled custard.
  7. Go to Starbucks for a special latte of the season.
  8. Take someone who always makes you laugh out to lunch.
  9. Take a ride around town with the radio blaring.  Sing out loud to each and every song.
  10. Watch It’s a Wonderful Life.
  11. Go up to a department store Santa and ask, “So, what do you want for Christmas?”
  12. Watch re-runs of your favorite sitcoms. I Love Lucy, Sanford and Son, Andy Griffith, Roseanne, Friends… If it tickles your funny bone, give it a chance to do so.
  13. Volunteer.
  14. Make taffy.
  15. Bake sugar cookies  and cut them into wonderful different shapes.
  16. If you have a blog, give it a new look. Change the colors, graphics, or whatever.  Mixing things up can be fun.
  17. Check with a local nursing home. See if it’d be okay to give each resident a cute little snowman or Santa. If you’re allowed to do so, deliver each one personally and visit for as long as they’ll have you. I don’t even have to tell you how much this would mean.
  18. Put up a Christmas tree with the gaudiest, most pimped out decorations you can find! (On a safety note, if you have pets, skip the garland and silver icicles.)
  19. Move that body! Pop in an exercise dvd, ride a stationary bike, or clean house with a vengence.  Physical activity releases feel good endorphins that’ll have you back in the fa la la la la in no time.
  20. Go see The Blind Side while it’s in theaters. After that, buy the dvd. Also, read about the family behind the movie.
  21. Make a list of the people and things you are thankful for.
  22. Make a list of the people in your life. Now go back and, for each one, think about one of the times they made you laugh out loud.  In no time at all, you’ll be laughing out loud again.
  23. Make someone’s day. Compliment a loved one, cook their favorite meal, bake their favorite cookies, or write them a heart-felt note telling them how much they light up your world.
  24. Don’t over-expect. Real life is not Little House on the Prairie.  People generally don’t stand around the table singing carols, spew lovely little speeches, or hug out of the blue.  If my family behaved this way I’d think someone had spiked their egg nog. Accept and love your family just the way it is.  Yes, they’re quirky.  Sure, they leave their socks all over the place.  No, they don’t say “Thank you” nearly often enough – but they’re your’s and you love them, quirks and all.  (Besides, if we were to be honest, don’t we own a few quirks ourselves?)  Also, don’t over-expect with yourself.  You are going to flat wear yourself out if you try to bake every recipe in your favorite cookbook and you’ll flat ruin yourself if you try to get everyone all of the presents you want to get them.  Dial down!
  25. Be sure you get enough sunlight. Open up the blinds and let the sunshine in.  It can make a real difference in how you feel.
  26. Did you know that learning something new can lift even the nastiest mood?  Pick a subject that you know very little about and research the heck out of it.  It’ll give your brain a great workout and your spirits will soar.  Learning feels good, pure and simple.
  27. LOL Cats – This website should come with a warning, You Will Become Addicted to the Fun.
  28. Chocolate. I’m not even kidding – eating chocolate is a shortcut to a better mood.
  29. Well, that’s Bananas! Science has proven that eating a banana can make you feel more relaxed.  This fun fruit contains tryptophan, which helps the body manufacture serotonin.  Serotonin is a natural relaxant.  What s more, low levels of serotonin tend to go hand in hand with depression.  Monkeys are on to something here.
  30. Get plenty of rest. Sometimes what we think are “blues” are actually just the “drags.”  During this time of year we actually need MORE rest, yet we tend to get less.
  31. Get as much fresh air as possible.
  32. Eat healthy foods.
  33. Smile even when you’re in the room alone.
  34. Find a church home. Having a church home and family are wonderful blessings – but for the individual who is feeling lonely, they could make all the diffenece in the world.
  35. Research your family’s history. You’ll probably meet some very interesting characters along the way. It’s fun and it’s educational.
  36. Take up crafts. My youngest daughter and I were talking about this recently.  We both want to learn to make jewelry and other crafts, we want a sewing machine, and I want to make a huge doll house and fill it with little furniture and people!  The more we talked about it, the more excited we got.
  37. Re-arrange the furniture in your living room.
  38. Wake up a tired room by giving it a whole new look and vibe. If your bedroom has been green and white since Carter was in the White House, but a bright red (or blue, purple, or orange) new comforter and contrasting pillows.  The happier the colors, the better.
  39. Watch Runaway Bride, starring Julia Roberts.
  40. Buy a new, fun set of dishes.
  41. Sing to your cat.
  42. Write a list of your 10 favorite actors, 10 favorite actresses, 10 favorite movies, and 10 favorite all-time television shows.
  43. Watch the Game Show Network.
  44. Set up a Twitter account and tweet like you mean it.
  45. Eat Ramen Noodles. No scientific claims, here.  They’re just kicky. And good.
  46. Give yourself a facial. You can buy some really cool masks at the store – exfoliate, darling.
  47. Go to the driving range and take it all out on the little golf balls.
  48. Play frisbee.
  49. Make ice cream cones.
  50. Build a Gingerbread House.
  51. Stop thinking about what you don’t have and dwell only on what you do have.
  52. Buy bird feeders and fill them with seed. Your yard will soon be a lot more beautiful with colorful little appreciative birds.
  53. Take up yoga. I love myself some yoga.
  54. Buy your dog a new toy and help her break it in.
  55. Have your nails done.
  56. Learn to play a new card game.
  57. Gather your golf buddies together for a game of poker.
  58. Buy a Pilates dvd and have at it.
  59. Make handmade gifts for your loved ones. They’ll appreciate them more than you’ll ever know, and creating them is incredibly fun.
  60. Chill. Be perfectly still and quiet for 20 minutes each day. It gives life a chance to catch up with you!
  61. If something specific, which is out of your hands, is bothering you – crumble it up. Literally. Write it down on a piece of paper (I wish I had more money, I wish my parents were still alive, I wish my home were bigger, I wish I were smaller…. ).  Now crumble up the piece of paper and throw it away.  This symbolic action is a reminder that somethings just have to be let go of.  Carrying around burdens, resentment, guilt, grief – or any host negative emotions – is akin to taking a big gulp of rat poisoning.   I’m convinced that many people stay miserable simply because it’d take a little effort to be any other way.  They somehow manage to get comfortable in this misery.  Make a vow to never let that happen to you.  When you feel even the slightest tinge of sadness, realize that the next move is up to you.  You can lie down with the blues or kick them out of your bed. You look like a kicker to me!

Remember the holidays are to be enjoyed, not complicated.  Relax and enjoy every single minute and every single person.

It probably goes without saying, but I’m never one to let something go unsaid:  These are suggestions for individuals who are feeling blue – not depressed.  We’re referring to a feeling of sadness that has you back on your heels – not the sort of sadness that knocks you completely off of your feet.

If you are so sad that you don’t want to even get out of bed, and if this sadness has lasted more than a few weeks – please see a professional asap.  They can help you.

The Shoe Company With Heart AND Sole

by joi on September 22, 2009

in Helping Children, Must Reads

Precious Child

I know where my next pair of shoes will come from.  In fact, I know where I’ll be doing a great deal of Christmas shopping!

Toms Shoes was founded with a simple yet beautiful premise: With every pair of shoes a customer (such as you, such as me…) buys, they give a pair of shoes to a precious child in need – like the little doll in the picture to the left (If there’s a person who can look at this picture and not get either a smile or a tear…or both… I hope I never meet them).

TOMS calls the process “One for One.”   I  just call it beautiful.

In their words: In 2006 an American traveler, Blake Mycoskie, befriended children in Argentina and found they had no shoes to protect their feet. Wanting to help, he created TOMS Shoes, a company that would match every pair of shoes purchased with a pair of new shoes given to a child in need. One for One. Blake returned to Argentina with a group of family, friends and staff later that year with 10,000 pairs of shoes made possible by caring TOMS customers. Since our beginning, TOMS has given over 140,000* pairs of shoes to children in need through the One for One model. Because of your support, TOMS plans to give over 300,000 pairs of shoes to children in need around the world in 2009. Our ongoing community events and Shoe Drop Tours allow TOMS supporters and enthusiasts to be part of our One for One movement.

Some may ask, “Why shoes?” Simple. Most children in developing countries grow up barefoot – they don’t have the luxury of sneakers, sandals, houseshoes, etc. that other children have. Whether they are walking to school, doing their chores or playing, this puts them at risk. Keep in mind that these children often have to walk miles for food, water, shelter and medical help. Wearing shoes literally enables them to walk distances that aren’t possible barefoot. And with far, far, far less pain. Not only are the injuries to their little feet painful, they can become very dangerous if, and when, infection sets in.

The leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted parasites which penetrate the skin through open sores. Wearing shoes can prevent this and the risk of amputation.

There are even cases of children not being able to attend school because their school requires shoes as part of the uniform. If they don’t have shoes, they can’t go to school!

I hope other companies will see the steps TOMS is taking to improve the lives of others and will pave out their own path to a brighter tomorrow.

Give while you shop! For every pair of shoes you purchase from TOMS Shoes, another pair is given to a child in need. ONE FOR ONE.

Fifty Dollar Haircuts on Fifty Cent Heads

by joi on June 17, 2009

in General, Helping Children, Must Reads

“Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.” - Garrison Keillor

Girl Chewing Gum.Ever stop to think about the emphasis that looks are given in our society? Young people give their appearance more attention than ever. In fact, a lot of them spend hours primping and preparing for their self-directed photoshoot, then take tons of pictures of themselves for social websites.

During the years when they should be cultivating their relationships, their mind, their conversational skills, their education, and so forth, they’re spending the most time finding their most flattering angles and poses.  Then, of course, they have to take the pictures to photoshop to make them all the more flattering. When all else fails, make that picture black and white.

Then, it’s to the presses! They publish the pics on their favorite social websites with a pleading “Say something about me!”

Of course they have to caption the picture themselves – which usually brings gems such as, “I’m just so silly.” or “Wow. I look drunk LOL!”

What a LOOK AT ME world!

Ever stop to wonder what the future will be like for the MySpace generation if they don’t start giving their “insides” as much attention as they give their “outsides?”  THAT picture isn’t quite as pretty.

If you’re blessed enough to have young people in your life, you know darn well that you can’t just talk to them about this. You have to outsmart them. Fortunately, if you catch them in photoshop, they’ll be so distracted, your odds will be extraordinary.

Your main goal is to get the young person away from the shallow end of the ME pool and coax her or him into deeper waters.

  • Talk to her about what she wants to do with her life. Feed her interest, whether or not it’s YOUR first choice or not.  Whatever interests her should interest you – buy her books, cut out newspaper articles for her (and of course, read them yourself), talk with her, find websites and television documentaries that focus on her interest, etc.  Tell her that you’re proud of her for having goals and aspirations.
  • Don’t criticize and condemn. Kids need their parents approval more than anything. Just because your son  seems like a cocky little devil doesn’t mean he doesn’t absolutely crave your approval.
  • Compliment your daughter or son’s personality and sense of humor. Let them know that they crack you up and that you love their company. Let them know that there is so much more to them than how they look.
  • Make your child feel smart. Don’t ridicule and make fun of things they say and do.  Whether or not you realize it, this makes them feel dumb.  If they feel like they aren’t “smart enough,” they’ll only look for ways to get the approval they crave.  If they don’t get attention and approval from you, rest assured they’ll get it somewhere else.
  • Show your child the different “needs” in the world. Hand them a copy of  “One Can Make a Difference” and challenge them to find a way to make their  own difference.  Get them away from themselves – for their own good.

Finally, realize that a certain amount of social networking is perfectly normal.  Young people (and even not so young people) are having a blast with it.  It’s downright invigorating to talk to people from around the country and even around the world.   Sharing interests, learning about  different cultures, and so forth – great stuff.  But, come on, when all you have to offer them is,  “My eyes look kind of green in this picture, don’t they?  Well, they’re really brown.  Deep, dark brown… ” – you’d be better off sitting alone admiring your own eyes.

Wow.  What a life well-spent that’d be.

Naturally, we adults aren’t immune to this sort of thing either.  We’d do well to follow our own advice, wouldn’t we?  When we find ourselves on social sites with the attitude of “Look at me!” or “Listen to me!” – we’d do the world a huge favor if we examined our intent and our motivations.  Are they purely selfish, to the tune of simply wanting people to hear us because they happen to have something you want (as in money) or because we want desperately to climb a social ladder and each follower or “convert” represents another step on the ladder?

Or are we genuinely trying to help other people – whether it’s teaching them things we happen to know or motivating and inspiring them to bring out the best in themselves.  Everyone has certain gifts and talents – and if you spend your days using yours to help others I’ve got two words for you:  You’re cool.

We should all frequently step away from ourselves and see the needs in the world. If we can help anyone or anything, even in the smallest way, wouldn’t it be selfish not to? I have no more interest in Fifty Dollar Jackets Covering Fifty Cent Hearts than I do Fifty Dollar Haircuts on Fifty Cent Heads.

Very Important Links From The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

by joi on May 14, 2009

in Health, Helping Children

I LOVE it when people are extremely passionate about what they do – when they pour their heart, body, mind, and soul into their purpose in life. I especially love it when that purpose is one that seeks to protect and help those who aren’t fully able to fend for themselves.

Heroes and heroines in action! Is there anything more beautiful?

I got an e-mail today from someone within a group of such heroes:  The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. They are seeking to help children, so let’s go ahead and call them Superheroes, shall we?

The e-mail was in response to a recent post I wrote about children who are bullies and the children who are bullied. Below is some of the gracious message, including some very important links.

Good mental health is important for every child – it affects every aspect of a child’s life and overall health. Trusted up-to-date resources make it easier to discuss mental health issues, educate readers, and protect our children.

Every day in our schools and communities, children are teased, threatened, or tormented by bullies. To help care for our youth, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA) developed webpages and resources (print and online) that serve can as useful tools to you and your readers.

Systems of Care http://www.systemsofcare.samhsa.gov/

National Strategy for Suicide Prevention http://nmhicstore.samhsa.gov/suicideprevention/pubs.aspx

National Suicide Prevention Initiative http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/cmhs/nspi/

These sites offer parents, caregivers, educators, and other professionals a great opportunity to know the facts, recognize signs and symptoms, and access easy to read tips on how to talk to children about mental health. These resources can help caregivers build healthier, safer environments and support anti-bullying initiatives. For additional information on this topic and more, or to order resources at no cost, please call the SAMHSA hotline at 1-877-SAMHSA-7 or visit http://www.samhsa.gov/shin/.

Protecting Children from Other Children

by joi on May 7, 2009

in Helping Children, Relationships

Young boy.

I was recently horrified by something I saw on television. It made my hands clammy, my stomach sick, and broke my heart into a billion pieces. I couldn’t sleep that night because my mind wouldn’t let go of the heart-breaking tragedy and senseless suffering. It wasn’t a horror movie, an episode of Fringe (love), or even a Swine Flu story. It was beyond anything these could ever dream up.

It was the story of a young boy who killed himself. Unless you’re familiar with the story, you may initially think the young boy was in his early twenties or a teenager. Would it stop you cold in your tracks to know he was a fifth grader? Hence the clammy hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m greatly disturbed by anyone committing suicide – after all, the next day or even the next hour could right the ship and turn their life entirely around. The next person they spoke to could have JUST the thing they need to hear. Suicide is one of the most senseless and heartbreaking things I can imagine. Murdering yourself? I can’t even imagine the sort of extreme pain and helplessness that goes on inside of someone’s mind right before they end their own life.  But a child?  What a complete and total tragedy.

In this case, this little boy was the victim of bullies at school. According to his mother, he had complained to the school authorities but they had failed to do anything. If that’s the case, it’s something they’ll live with forever.

However, can I say something without seeming like a total jerk? If my child were being bullied at school, I wouldn’t have left it to the school authorities.  I would have gone to the parents of the bullies:  Face to face.  Never leave something entirely up to someone else, chances are they’ll fail you – don’t give them that chance.

In everyone’s defense, this is an entirely different generation that we’re dealing with here. Think back to an episode of Andy Griffith – the one where Opie is being bullied by a little chump who wants Opie’s lunch money. Andy decides to let Opie take care of it and, by the end of the show, Opie has a black eye – but he also has his lunch money.

I’m afraid that a lot of parents and school authorities seem to think they’re in Mayberry in the 1960s. Can you say, Far freaking from it?

The little boy who hung himself was being called ugly,  gay and “the Virgin” (because he was from the Virgin Islands) at school.  On his last day on earth, he didn’t want to go to school. I’m certain it was far too painful. When he came home from school, he went up to his room and hung himself with a belt in his closet. A fourth grader! A baby! And I’m getting sick again.

I wasn’t going to write about this simply because it’s such a painful and tragic subject. However, I can’t NOT write about it. Why? Because it’s such a painful and tragic subject – and one I hope to never see or read about ever again. I’m urging everyone to speak out against bullying, name calling, and intolerance. In our society, in our daily conversations, in our blogging, in our jokes, and so on.

  • How many times does the average person use derogatory, ugly names in regards to someone who looks different from them?
  • How many times does a child hear their parents criticize another person because they look different from how THEY think they should look?
  • How often does a son hear his dad make jokes about the sexual orientation of another person – treating them as though they aren’t even human?
  • How often does a daughter see hear mother use racial slurs?

Why can’t more people simply live their own life, enjoy themselves, have fun, try to help make the world a better, happier place and allow others to do the same?  WHY bully?  WHY make fun of people? WHY sneer at others?  WHY tell jokes that aren’t even remotely funny? People who have ever taken part in this sort of thing – I wish they could have watched the news story with me, because afterward I would have loved to have asked them, “Are you still laughing?’

This little boy looked different from the other kids and they pounced on him like wolves on a rabbit.  Like so many adults, they seemed to think they were the “norm,” that they were somehow superior – so they belittled, bullied, picked, and prodded an innocent child.  To death.

If you have children, grandchildren, or younger brothers and sisters, keep the lines of communication open. Explain to them the dangers (and vileness) of bullying and calling other people names. For crying out loud, be certain that you don’t do it, yourself – not even jokingly.  Trust me, it isn’t funny.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy such as this to educate people. Let’s make sure that that is exactly what happens. Personally, I think that most people (especially children) who bully are actually very unhappy. More times than not, they’re trying to fill a void in their own life. All the more reason to reach out to them.

Children should be taught that:

  • Everyone is different. It’s what makes the world a fascinating and interesting place to live.  They are JUST as different and original as anyone else they see.
  • Racism and intolerance are ugly, far uglier than the worst monster they can imagine. Hatred makes the individual who owns it ugly.  Point out to them that it’s the same as holding a red marker in your hand, without its lid.  The ink comes out and stains your hand.  If we hold hatred in our hearts and minds, ugliness and bitterness come out and stain all of us – not just our hands.
  • Illustrate your point with a box of crayons. Show the child how beautiful all of the different colors are.  Ask him or her how interested they’d be in a box where each and every crayon was the same color?!  Each pictured they colored would be entirely in that color alone.  Boring.
  • They should know that they will be punished if you ever find out they have bullied or made fun of another person. Let the child know that you have ZERO tolerance for them being cruel to another person.  Tell them that if this ever happens, they’ll find out exactly what grounded means!
  • Children should know that television is totally make believe. Reality television is kind of  blurring the lines for children, I’m afraid.  How could it not?!  It blurs the lines for some adults.  Always be extremely careful what young children watch on television and try to always watch their shows with them.   Don’t hesitate to hit pause during a show or movie to explain a situation to them.

Adults should know that:

  • Children are watching you.
  • Children are listening to you.
  • Children look up to you and imitate you, whether you realize it or not.

Hug the children in your life, take them out for a sundae, and have a really long talk with them. Chocolate therapy and hugs can make a difference…. and believe me one needs to be made.

Having Fun With Treasures Plucked From the Trash

by joi on February 13, 2009

in Animal Protection, Conservation, Helping Children

Below is a tip that was in one of my recent green newsletters:

The next time you want to save trash from landing in the garbage can, think of fun uses for it. Save all those plastic bottle tops in a big jar and transform them into colorful bracelets, charms or pins decorated with glitter, tiny toy trinkets or vintage fabrics. Reuse metal cans and mint tins to display and store your favorite magnets. Save candy wrappers and chip bags for making collages and whimsical jewelry.

Oscar the Grouch knows trash is beautiful.When my girls were really young (back when Sesame Street was “can’t miss” tv, fish sticks were gourmet, and I knew absolutely everything) we made a couple of big “Craft Boxes.” They were actually boxes that a Gateway Computer came in, so they were already cool looking.

Inside the boxes, we put the regular suspects – glue, safe scissors, construction paper, glitter, etc. But the funnest part was finding unexpected things that’d serve a purpose. These were things that we would normally throw out. They even got their grandparents involved and noted that their grandmother, in particular, came up with some fascinating trash.

She was a school nurse and worked in the board of education offices. So, she was able to recycle the trash they’d normally throw out by bringing it to three little artists and their cow boxes.

Even though my girls haven’t seen Sesame Street in ages and I’ve somehow lost my ability to know everything – they still love to make things. So, yes, we still have a craft box in the house. They love the idea of making jewelry and cool things to set around in their rooms. I’ve always thought that the creativity sparked by finding uses for castoffs was great for all of us.

Our cats also benefit from the recycling mindset. Our most playful cat, Alexa, has a couple of toy baskets with play pretties (an adorable phrase my mother in law used for toys) and some of her favorites are actually recycled trash. You know the little containers of icing that come with cinnamon rolls? The little silver discs on top of the plastic bowls send her into a frenzy of delight! She had one all over the kitchen floor this morning. She wore herself out and is sound asleep beside me.

Naturally, you want to always be sure that anything you recycle can’t hurt your baby, whether it has fur or not. One of my babies was (and is!) a “Brittany,” so I always had to be extra, extra careful. You know the routine of asking yourself, “What would a child do with this? How could they conceivably hurt themselves? Could he/she choke?” I’d do this routine for my daughters Emily and Stephany – then I’d have to go through an extra one for Britt: “What would Brittany do with this? What weapon of mass destruction could Brittany create with this? Could Brittany replace one of her eyeballs with this? Would Brittany attempt a surgical procedure on a sibling, pet, or grandparent with these…”

You’ve heard of children who color outside of the lines? Brittany  never saw lines, just opportunities!  I don’t know where she got that from… I just…  What?  Oh yeah.

Anyway, always be very careful – even children who try to stay within the lines are still children and will flirt with the edges.  Nothing small enough to go into the mouth, nothing that could go around a neck, nothing that looks as though it’s begging to go into an outlet, nothing that has lead paint, nothing that could be sawed down and used to demand the contents of another child’s candy dish… don’t judge my child…. nothing that could cause harm, etc.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

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