From the category archives:

Positive Thought

Positive Thoughts and Negative Thoughts Aren’t Bedfellows

by joi on August 25, 2010

“TRULY, thoughts are things, and powerful things at that, when they are mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a BURNING DESIRE for their translation into riches, or other material objects.” – Napoleon Hill

Ever wonder why so many self help experts, motivational speakers, and inspirational authors spend so much time on the subject of thoughts? The answer’s pretty easy: That’s where everything originates. The good, the bad, the ugly. Your thoughts are basically the foundation of your life. Everything is built upon them.

They’re that important.

The downside of the importance of thoughts? Your thoughts can be your undoing. You can have everything in the world going for you but lack the ability to harness your think tank and make it work for you. A talented, beautiful, charismatic person without the ability to think positively and proactively may as well be a prairie chicken.

The upside of the importance of thoughts? They can carry you further than your natural abilities and attributes could ever take you on their own. Here’s an illustration. Have you ever seen someone who, if you had to be honest, was kind of on the unattractive side. But their confidence – based upon the image of themselves they apparently held in their mind – made them downright gorgeous?!? I knew a woman like that once. When I first saw her, I thought, “Bless your heart…” (It’s a Southern thing, we’re always on the lookout to bless someone’s heart.) But after I met her and spent a little time with her I was certain she should run for the title of Mrs. America.

Nature had given her face a Homer Simpson face, but she was convinced she was rocking a Jessica Simpson face. Her confidence and mannerisms actually made her as lovely as Jessica. From Homer to Jessica… now that’s what I call a makeover. And it all began in her mind.

Build within your mind a strong image of the person you want to be: Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Don’t take this imagery lightly and never, ever, ever hold yourself back. If you even think of saying, “I could never be that…,” I’ll know. What’s more, I’ll show up on your doorstep fit to be tied.

If you can imagine it, you can become it.

“You and I are not what we eat; we are what we think.” – Walter Anderson

Concentrating and focusing on negative images and thoughts gives these negative presences a type of “staying power.” By dwelling on them, we pretty much extend an invitation to them for an extended stay. That’s the last thing we should want!

When the very next negative thought pops into your head, replace it with a positive thought. If you begin to beat yourself up about something, flip the negative thought into a positive one. Instead of saying, “I’m overweight,” say, “I’m getting more physically fit every day.”

Instead of saying, “There are so many things I don’t know,” say, “I’m learning new things every day!”

You get the picture… and isn’t it a positive one?

In the same way that negative thoughts move right into your life (toothbrush in hand), positive thoughts can become permanent house guests as well. The beautiful thing is – negative thoughts and positive thoughts don’t get along. When one moves in, the other moves out.

What Positive Thoughts Can Do For You

The mind is an amazing thing. We tend to live up to, or down to, our most frequent thoughts. This is one of the reasons it’s so important to give a child positive reinforcements with encouraging words and praise. Children think their parents know everything, so they take their every word as the Gospel truth. Their thoughts center around the feedback their parents give them. As I’ve said before, I was an only child (spoiled.. the whole stereotype firmly intact). My parents always told me I could do anything. My every stroke with a Crayon was sheer genius and everything out of my mouth was witty and wise. My parents (along with grandparents and loving aunts and uncles) made me feel like I could do absolutely anything.

Positive reinforcement gives an individual power – whether the individual is a spoiled little girl or a grown adult.

Begin telling yourself the sort of things you’d tell your own child. Be kind. Be gentle. Be positive. Be encouraging. Never tell yourself you can’t do something you want to do. Promise to figure a way to do it.

Form a clear image of the life you want in your mind today. Right now, even! Then begin paving the way from HERE to THERE one positive thought at a time. Of course it’ll take work, effort, and good old-fashioned elbow grease – but remind yourself that you’re headed in the right direction and that you’ll make it in grand style.

“The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

As you travel the path toward your goals, be on the lookout for negative thoughts – they’ll creep in like nasty little trolls. Don’t let them wreck your progress or break your stride. Simply push them out of the way with a positive thought. I used to teach our daughters that when they were tempted to do something bad (pick on a sister, skip their homework, neglect their chores), the best way to handle it was to immediately do something good (make their bed, read, do a worksheet). Good and bad aren’t on the same team. And since one leads to good things happening and the other leads to bad things happening, the choice is a clear one.

The same’s true with thoughts. Positive thoughts lead to good things and negative thoughts lead to bad things.

Child’s play.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” – Willie Nelson

Photo Credit: John Edwards

Without a Doubt, The Next Book You Should Read Is…

by joi on August 23, 2010

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth should absolutely be the next book you read. In fact, if you read only one (non-human-authored) book this year, I encourage you to choose The Instant Millionaire by Mark Fisher.

(Of course, then I’d encourage you to read the rest of the books I recommend on Self Help Daily – one by one. After all, books can encourage, motivate, enlighten, and inspire. Who wants to miss out on any of that?)

My great love of books and my eagerness to publish book reviews – recommending the best of the best to my friends (that would be you) – often creates a bit of a quandary for me. I read so many great books that sometimes I fear that truly outstanding ones (such as The Instant Millionaire) will get lost in the masses. There are times I wonder if each book I recommend will be able to stand on its own two brilliant feet.

However, I saw something the other day that alleviated this book worm’s fears: A Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. They’ve given out gazillions of these honors – the total surpasses even the number of books I’ve read… this year, anyway. Yet each one of their recommendations more than stands on its own two feet, it stands tall.

Which is my fervent hopes for the books I recommend. As I often remind you, I don’t recommend each book I read. Remember the song by Salt & Pepa, Push It. The great voice at the first of the song says, “Now wait a minute, y’all. This dance ain’t for everybody. Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get out there and dance. Dance I say.”

In an equally dramatic voice, that’s what I say to my very, very favorite books – aka the ones that blow my socks off. So here is my review for one such book. A fly mother, to be sure.

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth by Mark Fisher is a highly unique book. It is exactly as the title suggests: A tale. A fictional story – as in colorful characters, a plot, unexpected twists, drama, humor, and the whole shebang. However, the lessons to be taken away from the entertaining story are more than worth the time and money you invest in them. You’re apt to learn as much, or more, from this book than any book you’ve read in a very long time.

This book has the potential to change your life in ways you never imagined. One of the main reasons is that it reminds you just how important your thoughts are. Your thoughts build your world or they tear it down. In this remarkable little talk, Mark Fisher does a beautiful job of illustrating the difference between constructive thoughts and destructive thoughts.

Below are the 3 main reasons I’m so excited about The Instant Millionaire. These, added to the fact that the book reads fast (although I promise you that you’ll want to read it through several times) AND meets my much-ballyhooed “Treadmill Criteria,” meaning I was able to hold the book and read it as I worked out on the treadmill. You know the drill, bonus points are awarded to books that allow me this luxury.

The Instant Millionaire opens up a door that leads to a new way of thinking. Not only are you challenged to look at the world and everything in it in a different light when it comes to money, you’re challenged to do so in other areas as well. In reality, everything in life is a matter of attitude.
The Instant Millionaire opens up a gate that leads to a new view of life. You will realize that the world, as you know it, was created by YOU. Your every thought has led to your every action, which ultimately have led you to the world that you currently know. When your mind wraps itself firmly around this truth… look out! You’ll learn how to harness your thoughts and make them work for you.
The Instant Millionaire opens up a world where you’re only limited by the limits you set yourself. Everything that happens to us is a product of our thoughts. Positive affirmations spring from this powerful reality. Life is, to a very real extent, exactly how you see it. What’s more, we tend to get from life what we expect from it.

Are you as struck by that truth as I am? We tend to get from life what we expect from it. What do you say, is it time to raise the bar high or what?! I promise you this: The Instant Millionaire is the first step in raising this bar, higher than you ever dared to before.

“All the events in your life are a mirror image of your thoughts.” - The Instant Millionaire, Page 46

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth contains the single most profound example of the power of words I’ve ever read. It’s something that happens to the main character in Chapter 8 – something that makes you stop and truly think. You’re along for the ride with him and you FEEL what he’s going through. Suffice to say it’s more than an AHA moment, it’s an Oh Wow moment. I won’t give it away here because…

I want you to read the entire book.
It’ll have more of an impact if you meet it head on.

It’s not an overstatement to say that it’s one of the most powerful illustrations regarding the power of words I’ve ever seen. It’s pretty much THE illustration that all of us who are huge believers in positive affirmations have been looking for our entire lives. It’s proof, positive, that words (whether they’re the ones we say to ourselves or words others say to us) carry far more weight that we give them credit for.

In most cases reasoning and logic become roadblocks in the way of great achievement, because great things are created only by those who have faith in the powers of the mind. – The Instant Millionaire

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth will show you how you have been getting in your own way and, more importantly, it’ll show you how to get out of the way. I read a GREAT DEAL of books that relate to self help, self improvement, mental fitness, positive affirmations, attracting success, and so forth. Let’s be honest, I swim in the ocean of these books daily.

Okay. Hourly.

However, this particular little book has stopped me in my tracks and has caused me to dig deep into my own cellar of thoughts. I honestly wish I could put a copy of this book into everyone’s hands – I feel that it’s that important.

I urge you to go immediately to Amazon (by clicking the following link) and order your copy of this outstanding book. It’s only 121 pages and, as I’ve said, it reads very fast. I believe most people could read this book in the time it takes them to read the newspaper. However, when you put the newspaper down, you aren’t any better off for having read it. When you put The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth down, you will have taken the first giant step to raising the bar higher. What’s more you’ll have the tools, keys, affirmations, and knowledge you’ll need to sail right over the bar with room to spare.

So all you fly mothers, get out there and soar. Soar I say.

A Cherry Tree, an Ax, and A Life Changing Question

by joi on August 20, 2010

I recently saw a great cartoon that didn’t make me laugh or even smile. How can that be? Great cartoons always make you laugh out loud or at least chuckle a little inside. At the very least, they make your face break out in a smile.

Not this one.

This particular cartoon simply made me think and think hard.

In the cartoon, you see George Washington as a little boy. The future Father of our Country is standing with an ax in his little hand and a once beautiful cherry tree on the ground…. the deed, done. Apparently little George has already made his admission of guilt – you know, something along the lines of, “I cannot tell a lie. I did if, father.”

His obviously frustrated father says, “All right, so you admit it! You always admit it! The question is when are you going to stop doing it?”

Le Sigh.

How many of us could star in our own comic strip? Maybe instead of an ax and a fallen cherry tree we have a napkin and a Big Mac. As we wipe our mouth we tell our bathroom scales, “I cannot lie. I ate the whole thing – hundreds upon hundreds of wasted calories.” To which our scales reply, “All right, so you admit it! You always admit it! The question is when are you going to stop doing it?”

Oh, there are other areas of our lives where this same scenario could apply:

Financial carelessness
Bad habits
Negative thoughts
Poor anger management
Dishonesty
Laziness
Procrastination
Gossiping
And on and on…

The parent who overreacts to a small child’s infraction only to admit, later that day, that they were way out of line. Their temper got the better of them, yadda yadda yadda. Like little George, admitting a mistake is well and good – it puts the individual in a small minority of “super cool” people.

However, when they’re able to learn from their mistakes (rather than simply repeat them) they experience the much-coveted self growth and the much-hyped self improvement. That’s the point they begin to change their life, as well as themselves, for the better.

I’m sure each one of us had at least one thing in mind when we read the father’s response. Let this scenario resonate in your mind for the rest of the day. Replay it in your mind the next time “it” happens and see if you can come up with an answer to the question, “All right, so you admit it! You always admit it! The question is when are you going to stop doing it?“

Empty Nest Syndrome: Let’s Bury the Phrase in the Yard

by joi on August 11, 2010

A few posts back, I mentioned the number of women I’ve personally heard from (and others who I have read about) who are currently struggling with what they call the “Empty Nest Syndrome” or as one lady (who’s kids still live at home) referred to as the “May as Well Be An Empty Nest Because the Birds are Always Gone Syndrome.”

As I’ve said before, I HATE the term “Empty Nest Syndrome.” What is empty? The total absence of anything. If my coffee cup is empty – - – something that rarely happens, but that’s another story – - - the cup is without anything in it. Empty. Nothing there.

If a home is empty, there isn’t anyone in it. Empty. No one there.

I was walking around my yard a few weeks ago when I saw a bird’s nest on the ground. I, hesitantly, turned it over to see if anything was beneath it. I was greatly relieved to find that the nest was empty. No one home when it came crashing down. Now that’s an EMPTY NEST.

A home in which at least one parent, often two, are living is anything but empty.

What you’re experiencing (and if you’ve read this far, I assume you’re going through the experience or, at least, know that it exists on the horizon) is simply another chapter in your life. It’s a chapter that’s simply a little quieter with a little more “free time.” From here on, I’ll refer to the aforementioned syndrome as the “Quiet House Chapter.”

The thing that makes this chapter seem so drastically and dramatically different is that it’s a huge transition. You go from walking out to the car, one day, with multiple kids fighting over who’s turn it is to sit up front to walking out to the same car the next day with only your shadow as a companion. He, or she, calls shotgun and off you go.

You go from making lunch for a party of 2, 3, 4, or 5 to making lunch for a party of one – two if your cat’s awake.

It’s not the end of the world, though, and I get crazy upset with people who act like it is. It’s a new chapter, that’s all, and as any book lover knows, new chapters can be exciting. New chapters can be challenging. And new chapters can be, dare I say it, fun!

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not immune to any of the emotions felt. I’m a mother bird, too. God blessed me more than I ever thought was possible when he allowed me to become a mother to three beautiful daughters who I love and cherish more than my next breath. I’d wager to say that this transition in life is even tougher on mothers such as myself, who were stay-at-home moms while raising their children.

To compound the matter, this particular stay-at-home mom also home-schooled her children all the way through school. That’s a lot of years of sitting at the table studying history, going to the library, picnics at the park, making lunch together, and so forth.

That’s why, I believe with all my heart, that my family has been kind of nonchalantly keeping an eye on me – waiting for Mother Hen’s wig to flip. They know that my family is my life – they always have been and they always will be. It doesn’t matter if we’re currently under the same roof or not. Family is family no matter where they count their sheep.

When you get down to it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a working parent, a work at home parent, or a home-schooling parent, when the life that you dearly love with every fiber of your being changes – it throws you. What you have to do is make sure it throws you forward. Allow it to make you stronger, not weaker. Demand that it make you better, not bitter.

And, please let the only parties you throw be happy ones, as in no pity parties allowed. I promise, you’ll be the only one there.

Whether you’re kids are living at home (yet seem to be gone all the time) or they’ve already moved out, there are certain tips for coping with the “Quiet House Chapter” as well as a little homespun advice from a Mother Hen who’s proverbial wig is still in place.

Playing in the Next Room

Here’s something I shared with one reader a few months ago. I got an e-mail from her yesterday and she said the advice has worked “brilliantly” for her. I could tell, just by reading her words that she was in a much better place. The first few times she contacted me, I could almost “hear” tears in her words – this time I’m almost certain there was laughter.

Remember when your kids were small and they’d play in their bedroom or the living room? Even if you were in the kitchen, you knew where they were – playing in the next room. The concept of them staying in the same room you were in, 24-7, would have seemed bizarre. Even though they played in the next room, you were their parent and they were your child and you loved them with all your heart. You knew they were just a “call” away – whether it were you doing the “calling” because supper was ready or they did the “calling” because someone took their Barbie!

You were 1 call away.

When your kids are older and they seem to spend more time at the mall than their own bedroom, or they move out on their own or go off to college – it will truly help you to think of them as “playing in the next room.” The beautiful thing is, you’re still just a “call” away. Whether it’s you making the “call” because you’re making their favorite casserole for supper or they’re making the “call” because they want to know if paper plates are microwavable – you’re still 1 call away.

Pull Yourself Together

There will be days when you feel kind of sad. There will be days when you think you’d give anything to turn back time. There will be days when you’re kind of lonely. It might remind you of when you, yourself, moved away from home for the first time – another huge chapter in your life. But remember this: Nothing really changed, did it?

Well, actually, very often things change for the better. I honestly believe I grew closer to both my mother and my father after I got married. The crazy thing is, I’m almost certain I saw them more often – especially when the granddaughters came! I had them over for dinner several nights a week, we went shopping more often, we walked at the park, my mom always made Sunday dinner, my father and my husband talked for hours about sports…

Keep one thing in mind: How you act as you enter this new chapter will determine just how much everyone will want to be around you! If you make your kids, or husband, feel guilty or try to make them feel sorry for you – you will push them away. No one wants to take a guilt trip – they’ll simply avoid the risk by avoiding you. If, every time one of your kids calls you spend half the conversation talking about how lonely or miserable you are, do you really think they’re going to rush to the phone to call you again any time soon?

For your sake as much as the sake of your family, if you’re coming undone over the Quiet House Chapter, pull yourself together.

Idle Minds Are the Devil’s Workshop

Maybe it’s not the nest that’s as empty as it is the life. I know, ouch. Many times parents get so wrapped up in raising, teaching, caring for, and playing with their children that they overlook one tiny little thing – everyone has to have their own life, their own interests, their own goals, their own ambitions, and their own smiles.

Yes, their own smiles.

When parents look at their children – we smile! Even if the child is being a cantankerous little snot, on some level it amuses us. There’s nothing in the world wrong with smiling at your kids – I smile just thinking about mine. What’s wrong is acting like they’re the only thing that can bring a smile to your face. It’s a big, beautiful world out there – filled with, literally, countless things to smile at and about.

Never let anyone feel that one of their responsibilities in life is to flip your happiness switch. Flip your own!

When the Quiet House Chapter begins, you’ll find yourself with lots of free time and free thoughts. This is where the chapter takes on a certain level of excitement – you get to fill this free time and these free thoughts any way you want. No one’s dictating what you have to do from this time to that time. You can take up new hobbies, learn new skills, take up yoga, launch a home business, or write the next great vampire novel.

Below is a list of different adventures you might want to take:

Take up birdwatching.
Go to the Animal Shelter and rescue a dog who looks lonely.
Rescue two!
Learn to speak a new language
Learn cake decorating.
Take online classes in a subject that fascinates you.
Take up photography.
Learn everything you can about sharks, whales, dolphins, and the ocean.
Volunteer.
Begin reading all of Agatha Christie’s mysteries. Start at the first and keep going until you’ve read them all.
Go to the shelter and adopt a couple of kittens. Cats make incredible companions.
Grow an herb garden.
Buy a couple of yoga dvds, a great yoga book, and fall in love with the experience.
Take up serious walking or biking.
Take trips to your local state parks and zoos.
Go to the Grand Old Opry.
Learn to play an instrument.
Make candles, soap, jewelry, or all three.
Buy a sewing machine and take up sewing.
Learn to quilt.
Perfect your homemade bread recipe.
Start an eBay business – find great deals on antiques and collectibles, then sell them for extra cash.
Visit your library regularly. Scourge the shelves for fascinating new subjects to read about.
Buy a bird!
Start an aquarium.
Buy hamsters and provide elaborate cages and mazes for them.
Start watching a sport you’ve never watched before. Pick a team and follow their every game.
Learn to make a great cake from scratch – then experiment with different recipes.

I know I mention pets a great deal – but, for one thing, I’m the biggest animal lover in the world… and for another, they STAY babies!

If you decide to pursue a certain interest, buy all the books and dvds you can find on the subject – check out books at the library, research it online, and embrace the fascinating new passion with all you have inside of you.

Please just remember this – it’s something I harp on a great deal on Self Help Daily and Out of Bounds: Never, ever stop living – the day you do, you start dying. If you wake up one morning and you just aren’t sure you have any reason to laugh, find one! When we move from one chapter to the next in life, there are a couple of things that are RIPE for picking:

We can become bitter, sad, and refuse to make the transition from one chapter to the next. We can keep looking back, with tear-stained eyes at the chapters we’ve already lived and make everyone around us nearly as miserable as we are. We can make it so that we have absolutely nothing to contribute to conversations – other than “Well, I hope YOU’RE happy.” and “I’m so LONELY.” (Wonderful, wonderful conversation nuggets, don’t you think.)
We can look back on our past chapters with joy and pride, while embracing the one we’re currently living in with all that’s within us. We can become so busy learning new things and taking up new interests and hobbies that our spouse and our kids simply don’t know what we’re going to come up with next! My oldest daughter was a little taken aback yesterday when I called her out to my garden to show her something I’d found: On a sage leaf was the largest (HUGE) yellow spider I’d ever seen in my life. I was so proud! I had her take a picture of my sage loving friend. My sweet, petite, lovely daughter said, “Kill it!” a couple of times but why would I go and do a thing like that?! Yes, I’ve become fascinated with spiders. I guess it was only a matter of time. The mammoth spider lived to see another day and he provided me with another interest to pursue.

Life is filled with excitement, fun, and fascinating moments – as long as you keep looking for them. I don’t beg often, but if you’re currently going through this chapter in your life, I beg you to fill your days with reasons to smile… and, no they don’t have to be spiders!

If you ever want a sounding board, my e-mail is on the site. Now, I’m off to the garden to see if “Sargent Sage” is lurking around. Such a handsome devil. (By the way, the spider at the top of the post isn’t my spider – it’s no where near as large or charismatic).

A Quote From Bruce Almighty About Stress? Why Not?

by joi on August 9, 2010

“Wonderful thing…. No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.” – “God,” as played by Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty

A few weeks ago, our family had one of “those” weeks. Oh, who am I kidding – we had one of those months. What’s worse, the month was in such a foul mood that it looked like it’d grow into one of those years. 3 out of 5 of us had sinus problems, 2 out of 4 vehicles broke completely down and took days to get fixed (not to mention $$$$), the dryer decided it didn’t like its job, and every bill that could come due did come due – without considering, for one moment, the unexpected extras.

Bills are so uncool that way.

There were other ridiculous things that happened but, for sanity’s sake I seemed to have blocked them out. Allow me to add that all of this came about as we’re planning our oldest daughter’s wedding… in two short months. Her dress? Well, it hasn’t come in yet.

Breathe.

During one of the crazy days, one of my girls pointed out that I never seemed to get stressed or “flip” out. I thought about it for a second and realized that, generally speaking, I don’t. Not over things that can be fixed, anyway. If there will be any flipping on my part, I’ll be when something or someone has been lost to me forever.

Then, well, I do give a flip.

But when you think about it, temporary situations – even those that pile up like building blocks – simply aren’t worth coming undone over. Why risk the damage it can do to your heart, your psyche, your good name – to say nothing of how ridiculous one looks mid-flip.

The next time something unsettling and stressful happens, ask yourself, “Is this a permanent loss or a temporary mess?“ As the great quote at the top of the article says, messes can be cleaned up. However, if we’re busy coming unglued, stressing out, demanding, “WHY ME?!?!?” and so forth, the clean up will be put off until we’re worn out from our temper tantrum. By then, chances are that the problem has been compounded, feelings have been hurt, and time has been wasted.

It’s so much better to simply forgo the tantrum, keep your wits, and grab a mop.

Look Who’s Your Age!

by joi on August 5, 2010

In keeping with the Think Like a Child Again topic from yesterday, I’d very much like to get all up in your face for a minute or two. Don’t worry, I’ve brushed my teeth so I’m all minty.

I have as many pet peeves as the next person – things that people do or say that drive me straight bonkers. A little one nearly unnerved me a few nights ago: People at baseball games who sit behind home plate, talking on the phone and waving at the camera. Noobs! It’s especially annoying when they’re own pitcher is on the mound. Do you really want to distract him that much?! It’s annoying at best, distracting at worst and I can’t tell you how much I’d love to throw water on people who do it.

There. I feel better.

Another pet peeve is one that honestly doesn’t hurt or affect me in any way – I just hate to see other people do it to themselves. And that is this: Acting older than you are or thinking that you’re “too old” for certain things. I’d rather see a lady in her 60′s wearing the exact same thing my youngest daughter is than see a lady in her 60′s shuffling through the store with curlers in her hair. The difference? The one in feisty, young clothes is LIVING. The shuffler is DYING. Slowly, but it’s the direction she’s facing.

On the last season of The Biggest Loser, Bob Harper, literally, made one of the contestants stand up straight and start walking with more pep. He pointed out that he was shuffling along – YEARS before he should even know what the word shuffle was. When the gentleman began picking up his feet and walking rather than scooting, he took a good 10 years off his appearance.

It seems to me that when a lot of people get past 45, they start looking at the finish line for some ridiculous reason. First of all, why would anyone want to look there in the first place?! Look around you, at your life and at the beautiful world. LIVE!

Below is a list I’ve compiled of men and women along with the year in which they were born. The next time you start thinking you’re too old for this or you aren’t young enough for that, remember who else is your age and knock it the heck off! You don’t want me throwing water on you, do you?

Betty White – born in 1922.

Clint Eastwood – born in 1930.

John McCain – born in 1936.

Morgan Freeman – born in 1937.

Raquel Welch – born in 1940.

Harrison Ford – born in 1942.

Joe Biden – born in 1942.

Michael Douglas – born in 1944.

Helen Mirren – born in 1945.

Sylvester Stallone – born in 1946.

Al Gore – born in 1948.

Samuel L. Jackson – born in 1948.

David Letterman – born in 1947.

Hilary Clinton – born in 1947.

Paula Deen – born in 1947.

Liam Neeson – born in 1952.

Denzel Washington – born in 1954.

Oprah Winfrey – born in 1954.

Bruce Willis – born in 1955.

Reba McEntire – born in 1955.

Billy Bob Thornton – born in 1955.

Denise Austin – born in 1957.

Madonna – born in 1958.

Kevin Bacon – born in 1958.

Simon Cowell – born in 1959.

Valerie Bertinelli – born in 1960.

Sean Penn – born in 1960.

George Clooney – born in 1961.

Barack Obama – born in 1961.

Demi Moore – born in 1962.

Tom Cruise – born in 1962.

Alton Brown – born in 1962.

Steve Carell – born in 1962.

Sheryl Crow – born in 1962.

Johnny Depp – born in 1963.

Brad Pitt – born in 1963.

Courtney Cox – born in 1964.

Michelle Obama – born in 1964.

Russell Crowe – born in 1964.

Sandra Bullock – born in 1964.

Bobby Flay – born in 1964.

Clive Owen – born in 1964.

Wendy Williams – born in 1964.

Sarah Palin – born in 1964.

Robert Downey, Jr – born in 1965.

Kyra Sedgwick – born in 1965.

Bob Harper – born in 1965.

Shania Twain – born in 1965.

Diane Lane – born in 1965.

Halle Berry – born in 1966.

Cindy Crawford – born in 1966.

Martina McBride – born in 1966.

Faith Hill – born in 1967.

Will Ferrell – born in 1967.

Vin Diesel – born in 1967.

Tim McGraw – born in 1967.

Julia Roberts – born in 1967.

Nicole Kidman – born in 1967.

Keith Urban – born in 1967.

Will Smith – born in 1968.

Rachael Ray – born in 1968.

Catherine Zeta-Jones – born in 1969.

Jennifer Aniston – born in 1969.

Gerard Butler – born in 1969.

Naomi Campbell – born in 1970.

Tina Fey – born in 1970.

Matt Damon – born in 1970.

Uma Thurman – born in 1970.

Now, do you really think you’re too old to turn heads?
Are you too old to wear the clothes you WANT to wear?
Are you too old to feel sexy?
Are you too old to have fun?
Are you too old to live out loud?!
Are you too old to get fit?
Are you too old to go where you want to go?

These people are living life to its fullest and proving that age no longer matters. Some weren’t even known until they were past 40. People are now raising families (and often even starting families) well out of their 20s and 30s. They’re embarking on new careers, looking all kinds of fabulous, living life out loud, and asking the world one question: “Do you finally get it… age is all in your mind?”

Like most things in life, if we keep telling ourselves something negative, it’ll “set in.” Negative reinforcement is a powerful, powerful thing and we should be on watch against it 24-7. When we act or allow ourselves to behave or look older than we really are, we only age ourselves. Literally!

If you’re not living, you’re dying.

Stand up straight.
Wear what the heck you want to wear.
Grow your hair to your toes if you want to.
Listen to the music that makes you dance in your seat.
Never say, “If I was younger…”
Laugh more…. and do it out loud.

Get out there and raise a little hell.

Children Explain Why They’re Happier Than Adults

by joi on August 4, 2010

In the December 2009 issue of SUCCESS Magazine, there was a great article called “Child’s Play: Learn to think like a kid again – and unlock your hidden potential.” (Click the link to read Chelsea Greenwood’s excellent article online).

The magazine put together an adorable little panel of children who answered the question “Why are children happier than adults?” Below are their priceless… and, quite frankly, thought provoking answers and insights:

“Cause kids haven’t forgotten how to have fun.” – Caitlyn, age 5

“Maybe because we get to play outside and have recess, but grownups have to stay inside buildings.” – Audrey, age 7

“Because mommy and daddy take me to the park.” – Alexandra, age 4

“They get to eat ice cream and go into little spaces.” – Rob, age 6

“Because we finger paint.” – Aidan Rhea, age 4

“Because kids get to play more and do more fun things.” – Daniel, age 6

“Kids are happier than grownups because they have more energy. Kids are more excited about everything.” – Sarah, age 8

Well, there you have it, straight from the mouth of babes. We need to have fun, get more excited, and… best of all… eat more ice cream. Thanks Rob!

Stronger Where Broken: Turn Failure Into Success

by joi on August 3, 2010

When our oldest daughter Emily had a bike wreck, years ago, and broke her collarbone, I wasn’t quite sure which one of us (Em, her father, or me) was in the most pain. If you’re a parent, you understand the phenomenon of feeling your child’s pain – to the point that you’re certain if you could switch places with them, there would be a noticeable relief.

Terrible day, but there were a few positives that stood out.

My husband… aka dad who blamed the “stupid bike…” thought clearly enough to put ice on the bone. At the ER, they told us that was an excellent move and that it was a very good thing we did so.
We were new to the area, but on the day we moved in, I had looked up the location of the hospital and library and even done a “run by” for each. As a homeschooling family, I knew we’d be using the library often and with 3 active little girls, I figured it’d just be a good idea to know where the hospital and ER entrance were. Sure enough, the day came and when my husband turned his attention from the cursed bike and ice pack to the car he said, “I don’t even know where the hospital is!” Good thing for the drive by.
Siblings often taunt, tease, and torment one another – but I’ll never forget the ride to the ER. As Emily was sitting in the back crying, she had a younger sister on each side of her, patting on her and telling her it’d, “It’ll be okay, Emmie. The’y'll fix you.” I couldn’t help laughing when Em cried, “I know. With a shot!!!” This quieted the youngest sister, Stephany, who stared out the window wide-eyed, wondering if there was any reason they might give her one. But Brittany came through with, “Nuh huh, shots aren’t for bike wrecks.“

Off course, Brittany was right. The doctors and nurses were so sweet to Em – and to her shook up parents, I might add. As we looked at the x-rays, the doctor told us that the bone would actually heal – stronger where it was broken.

Even though this was before I threw myself into the Self Help arena, the words lodged in my mind and they’ve been there since. The entire phrase (and the concept behind it) simply fascinates me: …..stronger where it was broken.

Around the Self Help Bend

What if we took this fascinating phrase around the bend to the area of self help? Can you imagine the repercussions of using and utilizing our failures and mistakes to our advantage?! It would give all new meaning to the make lemonade from lemons concept.

The beautiful thing is, this is exactly what we can, and should do. There are steps we can take to turn our failures into something not just positive but desirable.

We can make make it stronger where it was broken.

What steps must we take, when broken by failure, to ensure that we become strong at the place of weakness?

The first thing we should do, whenever we have failed in anything, is to analyze the reason for the failure. There are certain, vital questions we should ask ourselves:

Did I contribute to this failure by failing to plan? Naturally, failing to plan is planning to fail – did I fall victim to this mistake?
Did I simply not pay enough attention to what I was doing?
Were my priorities out of whack?
Do I have too much going on in my life right now?
Have I bitten off more than I can handle?
What can I learn from this failure – to keep it from repeating itself?!

After my daughter’s bike wreck, she confessed that she had been eating a sugar cookie at the time of the wreck. She vowed to never do anything that would take both hands off of the bike again. She has never eaten a cookie, or anything for that matter, while riding a bike since that day. She has also never had another bike wreck.

Now, that’s not to say she won’t ever have a bike wreck for the rest of her life. BUT, if she keeps her promise to herself, by goodness, she’ll never have another bike wreck caused by eating one of her mom’s iced sugar cookies. By removing one possible cause of failure, she has increased her odds for success greatly.

Can you imagine the amount of success we can invite our way if we were to examine each of our failures in JUST this way? If we were to hold each one accountable by asking, “What caused this?” and “What can I do to prevent this from happening in the future?”

Unfortunately, most of us do the one thing that ensures that we’ll fall flat into the trap again. Possibly over and over again.

We look for someone or something else to place blame on. That puts us in the clear – but it also clears the way for the same failure to happen again. How much better would it be if we CLAIMED our mistakes, dressed them in work clothes and put them to work for us.

I’m certainly not saying it’s easy. Truth be tole, it’s very difficult to admit we messed up; but, as soon as possible after dropping the ball, get your magnifying glass out and try to assess the lessons that can be learned. Face your emotions – such as hurt, anger, anxiety – rather than running from them.

Remember, when we stop learning, we stop living.

At the first of the 2010 baseball season, a new player for the St. Louis Cardinals made an error. He was obviously flustered by the mistake and it showed on his young face. When he walked off the field (after they got the third out), his manager – veteran manager Tony La Russa – met him at the entrance of the dugout and said something to him. Later in the game, a reporter asked him what he told his young player. La Russa said, “I told him, ‘You made a mistake. Keep playing.‘”

He did, in fact, keep playing and went on to become one of the teams’ best players as one of the most outstanding rookies in the league.

La Russa didn’t say, ‘Eh, it was nothing,” but he also didn’t scream and demean the young player. He acknowledged that a mistake had been made and gave the best advice possible: KEEP PLAYING.

The next time you fail, make a mistake, or simply create a spectacular mess of a particular situation (!!!) – acknowledge that you dropped the ball. No one else made you drop the ball – you booted it all by yourself! Then, pose the questions above to yourself and be thankful for the lessons learned.

Self Improvement and self growth can often be found in the same place – at the foot of a flat out failure. Never get so busy feeling guilty, casting blame, or wallowing in self pity that you miss the opportunity to grow.

It’s worth repeating, so I’m going to repeat it: When we stop learning we stop living.

Spirted Article from July 1921: An Approach to Kicking Bad Habits

by joi on July 29, 2010

The following article first appeared in the July 1921 issue of NAUTILUS Magazine of NEW THOUGHT. The author, with all the personality in the world, addresses the subject of quitting smoking. However, the advice could be just as useful with other habits.

A Divorce From Tobacco

by Jean Dare Roberts

My husband had been trying for years to break away from the tobacco habit, but seemed to find it too strong fro him, and gave up.

His younger brother, who has been a still worse slave, surprised me, on a recent visit, by refusing a cigar.

The last time I saw him before he was using six or eight cigars a day and eating at least a cut of chewing tobacco between smokes. Eating is the right word. He swallowed both juice and cud.

I was anxious to know how he had conquered a habit of half a lifetime. He had picked it up when only seven years old.

It seems that his heart got to cutting some queer capers, and frightened him into consulting a doctor. After giving him the “once over” and back again, the M.D. told him to cut out the tobacco, and to be in a hurry about it, if he wished to escape the undertaker.

He certainly was frightened. He just thought that was his death warrant. He had tried so many times and so many different remedies, and everything had failed.

He tried for days to find some help and, finally, as a last resort, he decided to look into his sister’s New Thought literature that he had been ridiculing.

Quite naturally, he didn’t want her to know that he was interested, so he sneaked some out and took it to the office to study.

It appealed to him as being rather sensible, after all, and as he knew of nothing better to do, he decided to try it.

After a few day’s study, he decided on the plan which he followed to success.

On March twentieth he said to himself, “After April twentieth I shall not use any more tobacco. I shall not care for it, and I shall not be uncomfortable from stopping its use.”

He continued to use it, but every time he prepared a smoke or took a chew, he repeated his formula. Also the last thing before going to sleep.

On the morning of the appointed day he laid what remained of his supply on the bathroom shelf, and has never used any since that time.

He says that he suffered no inconvenience, ans has had no craving for it.

His health is restored, and his temper and mind are much improved. They seem to be getting better every day.

– Page 32, A Divorce From Tobacco by Jean Dare Roberts In NAUTILUS Magazine of NEW THOUGHT, July 1921

“…his heart got to cutting some queer capers…“ – my favorite phrase of the month. Hands down.

Relationships: Handle With Care

by joi on July 23, 2010

Relationships. Two of my daughters (Emily and Stephany) and I recently had a killer discussion about relationships – not just romantic relationships. We went deep - delving into what we thinks makes any and all relationships work, as well as the things that keep them from working.

Deep waters for a Wednesday afternoon walk, but it kept our minds off of the heat.

We all agreed that treating others with kindness and respect were pivotal ingredients of a healthy relationship. All three of us love nothing more than laughing, so we immediately agreed that any relationship without humor is… well… headed nowhere fast. As for the romantic relationships, we agreed that putting the other person needs ahead of your own is VITAL.

We also hit upon something else that I thought was pretty key.

I told my girls that I’ve been getting A LOT of e-mails lately from mothers who are either experiencing an “empty nest,” dreading the “empty nest,” or are learning to make the adjustment from small children to the young adult variety.

I’m not sure what this surge in sad moms is attributed to, but my heart goes out to my fellow madres.

First of all, I have to say that (with all due respect to anyone who uses or has ever used the phrase “empty nest syndrome” – I hate that expression with a peculiar hatred). For one thing, most of the time the so-called nest is still occupied by one or two parents…. often a cat or dog…. sometimes all of the above – at any rate, this does not an “empty” nest make.

More importantly, it doesn’t make an “empty” life.

I think that when someone feels emptiness in any area of their life, they should fill it. Often it’s not the nest that’s empty – it’s the life. At any rate, I have future articles planned for this very subject, with lots of tips and tricks of the trade to help these parents make these transitions with grace.

It’s so much better for all involved!

The reason I bring these particular parents up at the moment is because many of them make a perfect illustration for another key element in relationships.

Here’s a scenario (mark it down, it’s happening somewhere in the world even as you’re reading these words): A mother is left at home while her husband is off at a ballgame. The kids (who once would be watching television or making lovely noise that fills the house) are now suddenly on dates, at school, or out with friends.

When everyone comes home, they’re met with an icy stare and an attitude hiding a broken heart. When they finally get her to speak (occasionally it takes a while to break the ice), she hits them each right between the eyes and nearly knocks them to the floor with what has become a potent weapon: Guilt trips.

Naturally, nothing good comes from it. Instead of curing the ills of one person, suddenly the whole family is miserable. The problem is the husband and, especially the kids, have no point of reference.

Too often, all of us expect the other person or persons to understand how we FEEL – when that’s next to impossible… they’ve never been in the peculiar situation we’re in and have no point of reference.

It’s foreign to them, so asking them to “understand” is nearly impossible. Everyone winds up frustrated and – in the end – the one who started the ball rolling wishes with all their might they’d just held the ball. Sat on the ball. Swallowed the ball.

The same goes for the father who has worked hard to pay for his tools and rides his son extra hard to put them back, gently, where they belong. The young son doesn’t have a point of reference since he hasn’t had to work hard and save for something as nice as the tools his dad now treats so carefully.

The dad can blow up (and many do) but, in the end – what does the son wind up thinking, “Hot head! Why doesn’t he just chill… they’re tools for crying out loud?!”

No point of reference.

How about the wife who loses patience with her husband because he doesn’t want to “talk things out?” She’s accustomed to talking until her lips are numb with her mother, sisters, and friends. What’s his problem? Males don’t grow up “talking things out” – guess they’re too busy saving for, buying, and standing guard duty on their tools. (Sorry, guys – much love to you and your tools.)

I’m not saying that when we’re hurt we should keep a lid on it. No, no, no, not even close.

However, I am suggesting a few things:

Before giving your emotions a voice, let the emotions come down a few decibels. If you speak when you’re angry or hurt, the words that come out of your mouth aren’t the words you’d “sign off on” if you were in your right frame of mind. You’d want to edit the heck out of them. Angry words are stones hurled at relationships.
Sometimes, if you give your emotions a little break (by watching a baseball game, taking a shower, taking a walk, visiting Mayberry with Andy Griffith…) – they’ll be much more reasonable when you call upon them to testify.
Even better, often if you give your emotions a much-needed break, you’ll find out that what you thought was worth blowing up over actually doesn’t even warrant a mention. Your relationship will remain intact and you can save your “anger card” for a more appropriate time.
If, after the break, you feel that your emotions need to be heard (and often this is the case), do so in a manner that your point will come across rather than your anger or pain. Don’t go on the attack. Doing so will only cause the other person to throw up every shield and response mechanism they can find. Then a fight is more than likely to go down. Then, make no mistake about it, your point is toast. You are instantly public enemy number 1. Anyone who happens to be caught in the crossfire will see you as little more than a public nuisance as well. Be calm. Be reasonable. Be mature. Be an adult.
Take selfishness out of the equation. If you’re feeling ignored, put upon, over-worked, slighted, etc – ask yourself, “And when did the world start revolving around me?” Some of the things people get bent out of shape over remind me of 5 year olds on a playground. “She said this!… He isn’t letting me have the ball!… She won’t play with me!….” Kids on a playground don’t think of the other kids. They think of themselves. They don’t think, “I bet he’d love to play with this ball. I’ve had it for a long time, I’m going to let him play with it.” Adults should be capable of thinking outside of the parameters of self. We don’t always do it, but we’re more than capable! Relationships require mature individuals thinking about the other person as opposed to just thinking about themselves.
Every now and then ask yourself if you’re a fun person to hang around! Do you look for the good in life? Do you look for the good in people? Do you like to complain and moan a little too much – so much so that it’s become a habit? Do you love to laugh and, if you can’t find a reason to laugh, create a reason?!
Show the people you love that they’re the people you love.

Relationships. Think about the word over the coming days. The relationships in my life are my riches. I value them more than a cat values her next meal, more than a girl values her cellphone, more than a boy values his X box, more than a baby values milk, and – yes – even more than a man values his Sears tools (If I knew a great brand, I’d use it – I could walk out to my husband’s toolbox and check the name written on the handle, but I might trigger the alarm system…). Relationships are more valuable than gold but, unfortunately, they can also be more fragile than glass.

You’ll do yourself the biggest, grandest, most supreme favor ever if you’ll begin treating your relationships with this in mind.

Relationship Reminders:

What’s said cannot ever be unsaid.
What’s done cannot ever be undone.
People usually forgive but they never forget.
Every word out of your mouth paints the picture of your reputation and pens your autobiography.
Be the person you’d want to be around. If you’re a wife, be the sort of wife you’d want to have. If you’re a husband, be the sort of husband you’d want to have. If you’re a daughter, be the sort of daughter you’d want to have. If you’re a son, be the sort of son you’d want to have. If you’re a mother, be the sort of mother you’d want to have. If you’re a father, be the sort of father you’d want to have.
Keep in mind that the other person may not have a point of reference. They aren’t trying to mistreat you or cause you mental anguish – very often, they simply don’t understand where you’re coming from. If you aren’t conveying the message in a way they “get,” the fault isn’t entirely theirs. Make your point, but please make sure it’s worth making first.
Remember, it isn’t always about you. It really isn’t.
Remember, sometimes it is about you. Contradiction? Not really. (Read the article on the other side of the link!)

I want you to have the best life possible – filled with the happiest days and nights imaginable. I know that this isn’t possible if you don’t start treating your relationships as the valuable treasures they are. Please don’t take people for granted and please don’t ever, ever treat them as though they just don’t quite measure up. The people you love deserve so much better than that.

When it comes to relationships, when all’s said and done: You’ll wish you’d said less and done more.

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