From the category archives:

Relationships

The Looking Glass: Thursday Throwback Woefully Late

by joi on February 8, 2010

in General, Positive Thought, Relationships, Self Help, Thursday Throwback

The Looking Glass by King Vidor appears in the a wonderful collection of articles from the 1940s and ’50s called Words to Live By.  It’s one of the best and sums up what I have found to be one of the greatest truths in all of the world:  We are the artists of our own life.  The majority of the strokes come from our own hand… for better or worse!

The Looking Glass

by King Vidor, Producer and Director

“The world is a looking glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.” – William Makepeace Thackeray

I had to live a long time before I found the courage to admit to myself that we – all of us – make our own world.

The realization came to me in a very simple way.  Though I am a Californian, I make frequent trips to New York, and I had decided that all New York cab drivers were impatient, bad-tempered or hated their jobs.  And hotel employees and railroad personnel were the same.  I found them all difficult to get along with.

Then one day in New York, I came upon the words from Thackeray quoted above.  The very same day when a cabbie and I were snarling at one another, this thought occurred to me:  “Could this whole situation be the result of my own thinking and outlook?“

I began to live Thackeray’s idea and soon it became a part of me.  The result:  On my next trip East, I encountered not one unpleasant taxi driver, elevator operator, or employee!  Had New York changed or had I?  The answer was clear.

To abandon excuses for one’s own shortcoming is like journeying to a distant land where everything is new and strange.  Here you can’t continue to blame someone or something else for failures or difficulties; you have to assume the responsibility for them yourself.  Of course, outside pressures do influence our lives, but they don’t control them. To assume they do is sheer evasion – it’s so easy to say, “It’s not my fault!“

Since that day in New York I’ve come to believe that this idea is the basis of all human relationships.  It doesn’t matter whether it is your neighbors,  your mother-in-law or the people of a foreign nation.  The quickest way to correct the other fellow’s attitude is to correct your own.

Try it.  It works.  And it adds immeasurable to the fun of meeting people and being alive.  -   by King Vidor

Several things about this wonderful article stand out to me.

  1. I love how King Vidor words it, “I began to live Thackeray’s idea..”  He doesn’t say “I read Thackeray’s words…” or even “I thought about Thackeray’s words….”  He says I began to LIVE Thackeray’s idea.  There’s the difference, right there!  If we merely READ inspirational, educational, or motivational teachings (whether they’re from the Bible, a favorite Self Help author, or wonderful quotes from outstanding men and women) – we aren’t changing and we aren’t growing.  We’re reading!  Big whoop, most people over the age of 6 can do the same.  However, most people won’t change and that’s where we can really gain ground and make a difference in our lives and world.
  2. I love that he points out that  outside influences and occurrences DO influence our lives but they don’t have to control them.  We are at the controls – always have been, always will be.
  3. I love that King Vidor didn’t have too much foolish pride to admit that he was headed off in the wrong direction before someone else (Thackeray) showed him a better way.  Too many people are so afraid of looking less that perfect – whether they’re politicians, authors, online marketers, salespeople, authors…. the list goes on.  It takes character to admit that you’ve made a mistake or came up short in some area.  It takes guts to share it with others.  Others can benefit from our mistakes, not allowing them the benefit to do so is thisclose to selfish.
  4. He’s as right as rain!  Your own attitude and disposition affect how you see the world and others.  If you are genuinely happy and positive, your outlook will be the same.  If you tend to think negative thoughts about 5 out of every 10 people that you see or meet, it’s way past time for a gut check.  The problem doesn’t lie with them.
  5. “Try it.  It works.  And it adds immeasurable to the fun of meeting people and being alive.” Shouldn’t being alive be MORE about fun and less about finding fault? Dang right it should!  Thackeray’s quote appears again below.  Are you going to read it, write it down, or live it out?

“The world is a looking glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.” – William Makepeace Thackeray

Playing Like a Bunch of Girls! A Tribute to the Human Spirit

by joi on January 20, 2010

in Make a Difference, Positive Thought, Relationships

Men are only great as they are kind. – Elbert Hubbard

I’m sure Elbert Hubbard wouldn’t mind if I took liberties and said, “Men, women, and super cool young ladies are only great as they are kind.”

I have a new personal heroine and her name is Mallory Holtman. I think we can all learn a thing or two from her. I love the quote about stepping up and doing the right thing at the right time.

May we all keep those words and the image of these beautiful young ladies in our mind forever and ever, amen.

Time for a Reality TV Adjustment

by joi on January 18, 2010

in Helping Children, Relationships

Day Of Anger Poster Print

I’ve noticed a very disturbing, yet escalating trend: People seem to be more disagreeable than ever before.  It seems to me that they’re lashing out with less provocation, disagreeing more readily, and all but refusing to see the other person’s point of view.   I don’t know how people who work with the public on a daily basis stand it.  If it keeps going like this, Wal-Mart greeters will need to arm themselves with mace.

Okay, I’m exaggerating but you get the point.

Frankly, I think part of the blame lies in the the things we watch on television, specifically certain reality shows. The ones that treat fighting, yelling, name-calling, and being obnoxious as something desirable and even entertaining. Is this really what most people are drawn to these days? The Reality shows on MTV are the worst.

My husband and I went to Best Buy a few nights ago and as we were leaving, some kids were standing near the door.  A few young girls were yelling and cussing – really trying to be toughies, yet looking and sounding ridiculous.  The loud f-bombs, the overly dramatic anger, the attempts to seem out of control..  it was obvious that they regularly bowed at the alter of reality television.  I’d rather have my toenails yanked out one by one than to see the average young lady begin to look and sound like these girls.  Instead of looking bright, the future would look (and sound) dim, dark, and dank.

More adults need to pay attention to what their kids are watching – and think twice about what they’re watching, themselves.  I really am sorry if that sounds…. no, I’m not.  I’m not sorry how it sounds – it’s the truth.

Don’t get me wrong, a few of my favorite shows fall under the heading of Reality TV.  I just dare you to get between me and The Biggest Loser or Survivor!  These shows, however, aren’t the ones causing the problems.  The ones that are beginning to spew nastiness out into our culture are the ones that serve absolutely no purpose at all – other than polluting their viewers, especially the ones who are a little weaker emotionally and/or mentally.  They’re the shows that highlight crass behavior, yelling, crudeness, and vulgarity.  They’re the ones that celebrate depravity and tastelessness.

I think everyone needs a refresher course in class, decency, and what it means to have character rather than be a character.

The other day, I was reading a thread of comments under a blog post.  The post was about one of these ridiculous reality shows, one of the newer ones – Heaven help us.  I’ve never seen an episode, nor would I watch one for money – but I have seen  previews.  The most recent preview showed females fighting, screaming, and then being carted off to jail as men stood around laughing.

Wow, so entertaining.  So enriching, educational, and uplifting.

One of the comments said something to the effect, “Remember when America had class?” I have no idea whether or not this was an American who made the comment or not.  Either way, as a proud American, I found the comment to be very depressing.   I’d like to go on record as saying that, as a whole, we do have class.  Most of us still shun this sort of ignorance and we cringe when people act like barbarians in public or private.

Our biggest fault, I suppose, may be the fact that we’ve remained too quiet and too laid back for too long.   I’d l0ve to see a big, beautiful, long overdue movement rise from the heartland of America.  A movement that said we’re tired of what television is doing to our country and its young people.  A movement that said, America has as much class now as it ever did!

Remember, just because you can watch morons on television acting like morons on television and realize that they are abnormal doesn’t mean that a young person is capable of the same separation. Even the most intelligent and mature young person will come away from these types of shows worse than they were beforehand.  Sit down with the young people in your life and watch what they watch with them – if you can stand it.  Ask yourself if there’s anything remotely in this show that will make them a better, stronger, more intelligent individual.  Does the show promote class, character, or tastefulness in any way?

If you think I’m over-reacting, you haven’t seen what’s on television right now.  Sadly, odds are that the young people in your life probably have.  Don’t feel left out, though, given enough time, you’ll  see exactly what they saw.  Through them.  And it won’t be pretty.

Loving Your Family and Showing It!

by joi on January 13, 2010

in Positive Thought, Relationships

First of all, I haven’t drowned in a river of coffee – - – though, what a way to go.  I haven’t been on Self Help Daily in quite a few days simply because I’ve been a busy bee, buzzing around everywhere else.  I had a few blogs that were demanding a great deal of work.  Plus, well I’ll just be honest, I got a lot of cool kitchen appliances, pans, gadgets, and gizmos and I’ve been having the time of my life cooking and baking.

It reminded me of Christmas when I was a little girl, I’d get so many Barbies (along with Barbie airplanes, cars, and houses) that I wouldn’t know where to start – I’d just plop down in the middle and lose myself for hours.  Seriously, sometimes I’d forget to eat.

A few (he he he) years later, I took the same approach – perched myself in the midst of fajita makers, iron skillets, a huge new griddle, gadgets, bowls, new dishes, etc and lost myself for hours.  And hours. And hours.  Somehow I don’t forget to eat these days though…

During the holidays, I noticed a number of things that I’m particularly grateful for with my family; traits that each member has that I love even more than kitchen gadgets.  I may be biased because these are the people who hung the moon and stars, but I think there are certain things we can all learn from each, so here goes – My I’M GRATEFUL FOR list that has a few lessons hidden in its midst:

  • I’m grateful for a husband that gets along beautifully with our daughter’s boyfriends.  He doesn’t look down on the young men for enjoying video games – he just tries to beat them!  I’m also grateful that he not only keeps my vehicle going and checked over, our girls’ cars going and checked over… he even looks out for their boyfriend’s cars.  I think that’s too cool for school.  It makes the family dynamic so much sweeter and funner when everyone looks out for one another.  The fact that all of the kids love spending time with us and around us will make my life a lot happier for years and years to come.  Family is the most important thing in the world to me and when mine’s around, the sun shines brighter, the coffee’s warmer, chocolate tastes even better, and the birds sing a sweeter song.
  • I’m grateful for my oldest daughter (Emily) who genuinely loves spending time with her mom.  We go shopping, we eat out, we look at clothes, we talk for hours in the kitchen, we go to the library, and we most definitely do the whole Starbucks thing.  She’s an absolute joy to spend time with and I’m grateful that she considers “mom” cool enough to hang out with.  She’s a ridiculously bright girl who keeps me on my toes.
  • I’m grateful for my youngest daughter (Stephany) who is the most spirited and, beautifully strong willed person I’ve ever met (right up there with my husband/her father).  She will take nothing off of anyone, and has a way of putting them in their place that simply amuses me.  With this girl, I know someone may offend her once, but they won’t do it twice.  I love her spirit and I love her strength.  She is, at once, incredibly sweet-natured and very petite but also strong-minded and strong-willed.  Like her father, she doesn’t suffer fools well and that keeps them at arm’s length…. and out of harm’s way.
  • I’m grateful for my middle daughter (Brittany) who amazes me with her grit and determination.  If the girl wants something, she makes it happen – whether it’s a car, her education, a job… she’s a fighter in every sense of the word and sometimes it’s just fun to sit back and watch. If she came home today and said, “I want to go to Hawaii for two weeks next summer,” I’d buy her a cool new pair of sandals and tell her to bring me back a coffee mug.  I’d also sit back and enjoy watching her make it happen.
  • I’m grateful for my daughter’s boyfriends. Dill (Emily’s) never fails to make me laugh.  His personality is larger than life and to know him is to adore him. When this kid opens his mouth, you tend to stop what you’re doing because you know it’s going to be priceless.  I don’t know where he comes up with the stuff he comes up with, but the world’s a funner place because he does.  When he and my husband are watching a game together or playing Madden football, the rest of us just listen – they’re a couple of characters and laughter always follows them.  Rusty (Stephany’s) quite honestly lights up the room when he comes through. He’s full of life, fun, and (like me) never met an animal he didn’t love and want to name.  Left to our own devices, we’d surround ourselves with more animals than Noah ever saw.  Rusty and Steph are hilarious with gifts.  They (without fail) always give me gifts early.. whether it’s for Christmas, my birthday, Mother’s Day or just a day they wanted to buy me something… they’ll come through with Cheshire grins and I know I’m about to get a goody!  The concept of making others happy makes them happy.  Come on, how cool’s that?    Chris (Brittany’s) is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  You hear that saying thrown around a lot, but this kid lives up to each word. He keeps me armed with Starbuck’s cards, but he’s such a sweetheart I’d think the world of him even if he didn’t!  I’ve never heard him raise his voice to anyone and can’t even begin to imagine him saying anything bad to or about anyone or anything.   My mom and dad and my in-laws would have adored each of these boys and they would have been popping-at-the-seams proud of their granddaughters.
  • I’m grateful for my cats – each one makes me melt when they look at me!

I’m not boasting or bragging with these words, just stating facts.  The people and cats around me rock.  These are just a few of their wonderful traits that I’ve been thinking about lately – they have countless more.  They’re just beautiful people, inside and out.

The thing is, I’m willing to bet the people around you rock too.  If you haven’t thought about it in a long time, think about it now.  What traits do they have that mean the world to you?  Do they make you smile?  Do they make you laugh so hard you have to double over?  Do they seem to know just the right thing to say at just the right time?  Spend more time with positive thoughts about your loved ones and refuse to let the negative ones hang around.  Really, nothing good comes from them.  In fact, I”ll tell you what DOES come from negative thoughts:  Negative words and negative actions.

If you keep thinking negative thoughts about the people in your life, how long do you think it’ll be before you say something negative to them or about them.  Something that’ll only lead to tension, unhappiness, hurt feelings, and misery for everyone.

Negative begets negative.  Positive begets positive.  Mark it down.

If you have people in your life who smile when you come into the room, you have all the riches you will ever need.  It’s my hope that you will truly appreciate them, treasure  them, look out for them, love them, and smile at them so often they think you’re up to something.

Thursday Throwback: A Grandfather’s Top Ten List That’s Pure Gold

by joi on January 7, 2010

in Books I Love, Helping Children, Positive Thought, Relationships, Thursday Throwback

The following is a wonderful article from a book from 1947.  The book’s title, Words to Live By, sums up this author’s thoughts perfectly.  They are, indeed, words to live by.   The author, Will Durant, wrote these ten rules for his own grandchildren – but, as you’ll see, many of the rules apply to people of all ages.

Send a list to your own children and/or grandchildren.  For that matter, send it to everyone you know.  Personally, I think the world would be a much better place if every single one of us read through… then lived out… the following grandfatherly advice.

FOR VERY YOUNG PHILOSOPHERS by Will Durant

EDITOR’s NOTE:  Mr. Durant, as everyone knows, is the distinguished author of an impressive list of important books, including the multivolumed The Story of Civilization.  But when we asked him to contribute some thoughts to the “Words to Live By” page, he stepped out of his role as philosopher and historian into that of grandfather.  The advice he gives here was written for his own three grandchildren.

  1. Begin the day with cleanliness.  Keep your bathroom immaculate.
  2. Before leaving your room in the morning put all discarded clothing into a dresser or a closet.
  3. Dress yourself neatly; other people can judge us only by what they see, until they know us well; and their judgments will affect our progress and our happiness.
  4. Enter into the life of the family and the community with good cheer; make little of your troubles, much of your good fortune.
  5. Do not speak while another is speaking.  Discuss, do not dispute.  Absorb and acknowledge whatever truth you can find in opinions different from your own.
  6. Be courteous and considerate to all, especially to those who oppose you.
  7. Reduce to a minimum your reading, hearing, and watching of material intended for immature minds.  The mind is formed by what it takes in.  Don’t be a wastebasket.
  8. Do some studying every day; grow old while learning.
  9. Combine external modesty with internal pride.  Your modesty will make it easier for those around you to bear with you; your internal pride will stir you to shun meanness and sloth.
  10. You will find the Golden Rule the simplest and surest secret of happiness.

**********************

Reduce to a minimum your reading, hearing, and watching of material intended for immature minds.  The mind is formed by what it takes in.  Don’t be a wastebasket. Leave it to a grandfather to beautifully sum up what the rest of us have been trying to convey for two forevers.  I love this!

Finish Every Day and Be Done With It

by joi on November 10, 2009

in Daily Quote, Must Reads, Relationships

LOLCat

While Ralph Waldo Emerson’s daughter was away at school, she wrote a letter to her father telling him how devastated she was about a past mistake.  Apparently this mistake haunted her and she was having difficulty putting distance between herself and her mistake.

Her father, with the wisdom we’ve all come to expect from him, wrote the following reply to his daughter:

Finish every day and be done with it.  You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; but get rid of them and forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day, and you should never encumber its potentialities and invitations with the dread of the past.  You should not waste a moment of today on the rottenness of yesterday.

“Finish every day and be done with it…” great advice!

I’ve always taught my daughters to take a certain, systematic approach to mistakes.

  1. Own it. If you made a mistake, admit it. Never, ever try to pin the blame on someone else or even try to share it with another.  If you did something that was less than your best – admit it, how else will people know you’re capable of better?!
  2. Apologize When Necessary. Oy. Pulling teeth, this one.  Amongst my daughters, apologies are are as rare as unicorns.  Their approach (like most siblings) is to simply stew a while, then return to normal.  As their mother, I’d much rather see sincere apologies – but as any parent knows, the return to normal is goal number one!
  3. Learn From the Mistake. Sit your mistake down at the table and interrogate him.  Find out why he came onto the scene, where the crack was that allowed him to creep through, and what you can  do to keep from seeing his miserable face again.  If you had an angry outburst, you may determine that you aren’t getting enough sleep or that you’re carrying stress from work home with you.
  4. Let Go. Once you’ve admitted your mistake, apologized, when necessary, and have learned at least one lesson… let go!

Letting go is silver advice for your own mistakes – but it’s golden advice for others’ mistakes.   If someone has made a mistake – let it go as well. Even if they owed you an apology and you didn’t get it – you have something else:  You have a chance to be the bigger, cooler, kinder, more mature person.  And do you really think they won’t notice?

Something I’ve always told my daughters is this:  When a mistake is made, you’ve lived through it once – and that’s plenty.  If you keep dwelling on it and reliving it, you’re living through it again and again and again and that’s downright insane.

Whether the mistake was your own, someone elses’ or a combined effort… Let go and live on.

The Wonders of Animals in Our Lives

by joi on November 4, 2009

in General, Must Reads, Positive Thought, Relationships

So,here you are -  on a website surrounded by polar bears, arctic seals, cats, wolves, dogs, and so forth – so you fully realize that you’re dealing with an animal lover extraordinaire here. Animals aren’t just beautiful, adorable, cuddly, and loving – although they are all of those things. They’re also incredibly good for you, body and soul.

I’ve seen, firsthand, the beautiful things animals can bring into a person’s life. After my dad passed away, my mom was (of course) unspeakably lonely.  She had me and my family living near her, of course, but her house and life had suddenly become unbearably quiet.  Out of the blue, one morning, an adorable little dog who resembled a white Benji (remember him?) appeared on her porch. After placing an ad in the paper and on the radio, she realized she had a new “baby.”  He had shown up on a Wednesday, so that became his name.

He kept my mom company and provided her with more entertainment than a roomful of Jim Careys.  His extremely playful personality and a sweet face that always seemed to be smiling helped light up my mom’s world in its darkest hours.

Caring for him and pampering him like crazy helped her healing process and made the impossible possible.

I was reminded of  precious Wednesday a few days ago when I read the story below.  I’m sure it’ll touch your heart just as it did mine.

Inspirational Dog Story: Lucky

“Lucky”

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named ‘Lucky.’ Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky’s toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky’s other favorite toys, Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease…in fact, she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her…what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary’s dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won’t understand that I didn’t want to leave him! The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn’t even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap..

Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn’t come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn’t understand what was wrong. She couldn’t move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.
He had covered her with his love.
Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It’s been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Control Your Temper! Adult Temper Tantrums

by joi on October 19, 2009

in Relationships, Self Help

It's All About Me! How to Control Your Temper.

On the way to Applebee’s last night, my husband and I were talking about temperaments, adult tantrums, and choosing your moments to… well…. show your butt.  Come on, admit it, sometimes these moments present themselves. They walk right up to you and present you with a golden ticket.  In the way of an example:  Two of my girls and I were eating out a few weeks ago when a couple of workers were down-right rude and unnecessarily nasty to my daughter Brittany.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Did they not see the “Caution: Overly Protective Mother – Approach with Extreme Caution” balloon that floats over my head?

Joi’s Golden Rule: Thou shalt not mess with my family, animals, or anyone who is incapable of defending him or herself.  I’m a very laid back, easy going gal – I drink from the live and let live well -but the rule, it must not be broken.  I’d also never tell anyone to aspire to being a doormat.  The view would surely suck.

However, more times than not, the petty little things people get bent out of shape over simply are not worth it.  Think about a child’s temper tantrum – think about the best one you’ve ever seen.  The best one I can think of involved a little boy (about 5 years old) on a playground.  His mom said that it was time to go and he was in no way ready to leave the fun behind.  He turned as red as a sunburn and let out a sound that made squirrels run up trees and other children (including my own) run to their parents.  In fact, I inherited a few kids who couldn’t find their own.

We’ve all seen these temper tantrums in children and, even though we hate to admit it, we’ve often laughed because kids look kind of cute when their emotions get the best of them.  Of course, the cute factor wears off as they get bigger and older – by the time they’re adults, these tantrums are anything but cute. They’re downright ugly.

The same underlying button causes adults and children to lash out – it’s the “Everything is about me!” button.  No one wants to admit that they have this button, but the proof’s in the pout.

  • When a car pulls out in front of Joe Average, he gets furious. He quickly decides whether to go with the fist, the finger that’s a middle child, or the horn.  Is it because he’s concerned about the other driver’s safety?  Of course not, Joe is outraged that someone pulled out in front of him – after all, it’s his road!  That does it, he’s going with all 3 of his choices.  In that moment, he looks just like the kid in the park.
  • When Jane Average has to wait in line at Target for longer than 3 minutes, she huffs, she puffs, and she glares a hole through every worker in the store.  Is she upset that the cashier is probably so tired she could cry?  Does she feel badly for the frazzled workers or their tired feet?  No way.  Jane is furious that she is being detained from going about her important duties.  Don’t they know who she is?  In that moment, she looks just like the kid in the park.
  • When Jeff Average is at work and someone hasn’t done exactly as he said, he stomps through the office, verbally abusing everyone within earshot.  It’s his world, after all, and everyone is here with one purpose:  To serve him!  The sooner they get that, the quieter the office will be.  In that moment, he looks just like the kid in the park.
  • When Julie Average is in the store with her children and they begin to get restless, she rips into them like I do a chocolate cupcake.  How dare they impose upon her moment?!  Does she recognize that they’re probably tired and don’t enjoy an hour long shopping spree like she does?  No way.  It’s all about her and everyone else had better just suck it up.  In that moment, she looks just like the kid in the park.

It doesn’t matter where Jane, Julie, Jeff, or Joe are and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing – if something doesn’t go their way (if the “It’s all about me” button isn’t being constantly pushed), they often launch into the adult tempter tantrum.  And as we’ve already established, it most definitely is not cute.

It seems to me that, over all, people are getting less and less tolerant.  Their patience is thinner and the proverbial Me Button is closer to the surface than ever.

One of the main reasons, I think, is that people aren’t getting enough R & R.  Not enough rest and relaxation.  Sure, it’s important to get enough sleep at night, but it’s also important to just unwind during the day and blissfully do nothing.  Let your mind, body, and soul simply enjoy living. You don’t HAVE to be accomplishing something, you don’t always have to be socializing, you don’t always have to be on the go.

Slow down.  Dial down.  Breathe.

Something that could help divert a lot of adult temper tantrums is a simple question.  When you’re confronted with a situation that’s pressing on or even jumping on your IT’S ALL ABOUT ME button, ask yourself, “What if this is the worst thing that happens to me this week?”  That’ll put it all into perspective and  you’ll probably find yourself smiling.

And that’s the point.

Next Post: Installing a New Button!

Tony Dungy on His Sons and His Faith

by joi on October 4, 2009

in Positive Thought, Relationships, Self Help

If you truly want to be inspired and motivated today, pour a cup of coffee and watch every second of Tony Dungy’s 2006 Super Bowl Breakfast speech. The remarkable speech is split into two videos, and (trust me) you don’t want to miss a single inspiring word. If you’d like to keep the inspiration and motivation flowing through your life like sap through a tree or coffee through me – buy Coach Dungy’s books and follow his blog.

Making the world a better place starts right where we’re standing. It starts with us. And it starts right now.

Wonderfully Sound Advice From a Grandfather’s Wise Lips

by joi on August 2, 2009

in Relationships, Self Help

My husband and our youngest daughter, Stephany, were recently dining at O’Charley’s here in Owensboro. I’d dance across broken glass for their rolls. Fortunately our server didn’t hold me to it.

After we had been there about 5 minutes, a family was seated beside us: A grandfather, a grandmother, and their pride and joys – two grandsons. One grandson was about 4 and the other was around 9. The 4 year old was having a great time showering his grandmother with smiles and love. The older boy was kind of surly. You got the impression that he had been pulled away from something electronic to go to supper with his grandparents.

He sat by the wall, beside his grandfather, but apparently decided that he just HAD to get out and sit at the end of the table. So he made a big production out of squeezing between his grandfather’s chair and the wall – sniping at a man who was showing remarkable patience. Then, when the child got to the end of the table, he put on a mini-drama of looking at his obnoxious belt buckle as though it had been scratched up in the process.

By this time, I had a feeling something was about to come out of the grandfather’s mouth. He didn’t disappoint.

The grandfather looked at the little drama brat and said, “Suck it up.”

My daughter and I practically high-fived. The child, not sure what had hit him, sat down and FINALLY wrapped up his performance.

Several things hit me (between rolls):

  1. What’s with parents these days?! I would say, “What’s with kids these days?” – but kids are kids and are, in a big sense of the word, like clay.  As parents, we form them into  what they are and will be.  If you are a parent and you are reading these words – PLEASE (for your child’s sake as well as everyone else’s) teach them manners.  Teach them to respect other people, especially their grandparents.  No parent should want to raise a child that’ll look as ugly and bratty as that child did that night.  Our daughters would have never, ever treated their grandparents with anything but graciousness, love, and respect.
  2. The grandfather’s advice is pure gold. Not only was his phrase dead-on for that mini brat, it was dead on for bigger brats as well.  Adults can be just as bratty as any child could ever hope to be. There aren’t a lot of differences between a rude little boy showing his backside in a restaurant or a rude big boy showing his backside at work.  Or a mother screaming at her kids in the middle of a store (really, ladies, get a grip).

I love grandfathers.  They have a certain, no-nonsense way about them.  They serve up, usually with just a handful of words, the sort of lessons that the rest of us spend thousands of words on.   They don’t flap around, yell, or have overly-dramatic moments.  They don’t tear up or say things like, “…after all I’ve done for you…”  No, not these guys.  After all, they were weaned on John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.  There’s not an ounce of drama queen in them.

They simply size up the situation and say what needs to be said.

The next time any of us are tempted to whine about anything (weather, bills, hurt feelings, dust bunnies, gas prices, etc.) we should let the grandfather’s words ring through our head.  Oh, yeah.  We should most definitely Suck it up.

What’s the best advice your grandfather ever gave you?  Or, if you’re a grandfather – what’s the best advice you every gave?   Let us know in the comments!

O'Charleys Rolls

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