From the category archives:

Self Help Daily

Positive Thoughts and Negative Thoughts Aren’t Bedfellows

by joi on August 25, 2010

“TRULY, thoughts are things, and powerful things at that, when they are mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a BURNING DESIRE for their translation into riches, or other material objects.” – Napoleon Hill

Ever wonder why so many self help experts, motivational speakers, and inspirational authors spend so much time on the subject of thoughts?  The answer’s pretty easy:  That’s where everything originates.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  Your thoughts are basically the foundation of your life.  Everything is built upon them.

They’re that important.

The downside of the importance of thoughts? Your thoughts can be your undoing.  You can have everything in the world going for you but lack the ability to harness your think tank and make it work for you.  A talented, beautiful, charismatic person without the ability to think positively and proactively may as well be a prairie chicken.

The upside of the importance of thoughts? They can carry you further than your natural abilities and attributes could ever take you on their own. Here’s an illustration.  Have you ever seen someone who, if you had to be honest, was kind of on the unattractive side.  But their confidence – based upon the image of themselves they apparently held in their mind – made them downright gorgeous?!?  I knew a woman like that once.  When I first saw her, I thought, “Bless your heart…” (It’s a Southern thing, we’re always on the lookout to bless someone’s heart.)  But after I met her and spent a little time with her I was certain she should run for the title of Mrs. America.

Nature had given her face a Homer Simpson face, but she was convinced she was rocking a Jessica Simpson face.  Her confidence and mannerisms actually made her as lovely as Jessica.  From Homer to Jessica… now that’s what I call a makeover.  And it all began in her mind.

Build within your mind a strong image of the person you want to be:  Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.  Don’t take this imagery lightly and never, ever, ever hold yourself back.  If you even think of saying, “I could never be that…,” I’ll know.   What’s more, I’ll show up on your doorstep fit to be tied.

If you can imagine it, you can become it.

“You and I are not what we eat; we are what we think.” – Walter Anderson

Concentrating and focusing on negative images and thoughts gives these negative presences a type of “staying power.”  By dwelling on them, we pretty much extend an invitation to them for an extended stay.  That’s the last thing we should want!

When the very next negative thought pops into your head, replace it with a positive thought.  If you begin to beat yourself up about something, flip the negative thought into a positive one.  Instead of saying, “I’m overweight,” say, “I’m getting more physically fit every day.”

Instead of saying, “There are so many things I don’t know,” say, “I’m learning new things every day!”

You get the picture… and isn’t it a positive one?

In the same way that negative thoughts move right into your life (toothbrush in hand), positive thoughts can become permanent house guests as well.  The beautiful thing is – negative thoughts and positive thoughts don’t get along.  When one moves in, the other moves out.

What Positive Thoughts Can Do For You

The mind is an amazing thing. We tend to live up to, or down to, our most frequent thoughts.   This is one of the reasons it’s so important to give a child positive reinforcements with encouraging words and praise.  Children think their parents know everything, so they take their every word as the Gospel truth.  Their thoughts center around the feedback their parents give them.  As I’ve said before, I was an only child (spoiled.. the whole stereotype firmly intact).  My parents always told me I could do anything.  My every stroke with a Crayon was sheer genius and everything out of my mouth was witty and wise.   My parents (along with grandparents and loving aunts and uncles) made me feel like I could do absolutely anything.

Positive reinforcement gives an individual power – whether the individual is a spoiled little girl or a grown adult.

Begin telling yourself the sort of things you’d tell your own child.  Be kind. Be gentle.  Be positive.  Be encouraging.  Never tell yourself you can’t do something you want to do.  Promise to figure a way to do it.

Form a clear image of the life you want in your mind today.  Right now, even!  Then begin paving the way from HERE to THERE one positive thought at a time. Of course it’ll take work, effort, and good old-fashioned elbow grease – but remind yourself that you’re headed in the right direction and that you’ll make it in grand style.

“The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

As you travel the path toward your goals, be on the lookout for negative thoughts – they’ll creep in like nasty little trolls.  Don’t let them wreck your progress or break your stride.  Simply push them out of the way with a positive thought.  I used to teach our daughters that when they were tempted to do something bad (pick on a sister, skip their homework, neglect their chores), the best way to handle it was to immediately do something good (make their bed, read, do a worksheet).   Good and bad aren’t on the same team.  And since one leads to good things happening and the other leads to bad things happening, the choice is a clear one.

The same’s true with thoughts.  Positive thoughts lead to good things and negative thoughts lead to bad things.

Child’s play.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” – Willie Nelson

Photo Credit: John Edwards

Without a Doubt, The Next Book You Should Read Is…

by joi on August 23, 2010

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth should absolutely be the next book you read. In fact, if you read only one (non-human-authored) book this year, I encourage you to choose The Instant Millionaire by Mark Fisher.

(Of course, then I’d encourage you to read the rest of the books I recommend on Self Help Daily – one by one.  After all, books can encourage, motivate, enlighten, and inspire.  Who wants to miss out on any of that?)

My great love of books and my eagerness to publish book reviews – recommending the best of the best to my friends (that would be you) – often creates a bit of a quandary for me.  I read so many great books that sometimes I fear that truly outstanding ones (such as The Instant Millionaire) will get lost in the masses.  There are times I wonder if each book I recommend will be able to stand on its own two brilliant feet.

However, I saw something the other day that alleviated this book worm’s fears:  A Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  They’ve given out gazillions of these honors – the total surpasses even the number of books I’ve read… this year, anyway.  Yet each one of their recommendations more than stands on its own two feet, it stands tall.

Which is my fervent hopes for the books I recommend.  As I often remind you, I don’t recommend each book I read.  Remember the song by Salt & Pepa, Push It.  The great voice at the first of the song says, “Now wait a minute, y’all. This dance ain’t for everybody. Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get out there and dance.  Dance I say.”

In an equally dramatic voice, that’s what I say to my very, very favorite books – aka the ones that blow my socks off.  So here is my review for one such book.  A fly mother, to be sure.

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth by Mark Fisher is a highly unique book. It is exactly as the title suggests:  A tale.  A fictional story – as in colorful characters, a plot, unexpected twists, drama, humor, and the whole shebang.  However, the lessons to be taken away from the entertaining story are more than worth the time and money you invest in them.  You’re apt to learn as much, or more, from this book than any book you’ve read in a very long time.

This book has the potential to change your life in ways you never imagined. One of the main reasons is that it reminds you just how important your thoughts are.  Your thoughts build your world or they tear it down.  In this remarkable little talk, Mark Fisher does a beautiful job of illustrating the difference between constructive thoughts and destructive thoughts.

Below are the 3 main reasons I’m so excited about The Instant Millionaire.  These, added to the fact that the book reads fast (although I promise you that you’ll want to read it through several times) AND meets my much-ballyhooed “Treadmill Criteria,” meaning I was able to hold the book and read it as I worked out on the treadmill.   You know the drill, bonus points are awarded to books that allow me this luxury.

  1. The Instant Millionaire opens up a door that leads to a new way of thinking. Not only are you challenged to look at the world and everything in it in a different light when it comes to money, you’re challenged to do so in other areas as well.  In reality, everything in life is a matter of attitude.
  2. The Instant Millionaire opens up a gate that leads to a new view of life. You will realize that the world, as you know it, was created by YOU.  Your every thought has led to your every action, which ultimately have led you to the world that you currently know.  When your mind wraps itself firmly around this truth… look out!  You’ll learn how to harness your thoughts and make them work for you.
  3. The Instant Millionaire opens up a world where you’re only limited by the limits you set yourself. Everything that happens to us is a product of our thoughts.  Positive affirmations spring from this powerful reality.  Life is, to a very real extent, exactly how you see it.  What’s more, we tend to get from life what we expect from it.

Are you as struck by that truth as I am?  We tend to get from life what we expect from it. What do you say, is it time to raise the bar high or what?!  I promise you this:  The Instant Millionaire is the first step in raising this bar, higher than you ever dared to before.

“All the events in your life are a mirror image of your thoughts.” - The Instant Millionaire, Page 46

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth contains the single most profound example of the power of words I’ve ever read. It’s something that happens to the main character in Chapter 8 – something that makes you stop and truly think.  You’re along for the ride with him and you FEEL what he’s going through.  Suffice to say it’s more than an AHA moment, it’s an Oh Wow moment.  I won’t give it away here because…

  1. I want you to read the entire book.
  2. It’ll have more of an impact if you meet it head on.

It’s not an overstatement to say that it’s one of the most powerful illustrations regarding the power of words I’ve ever seen. It’s pretty much THE illustration that all of us who are huge believers in positive affirmations have been looking for our entire lives.  It’s proof, positive, that words (whether they’re the ones we say to ourselves or words others say to us) carry far more weight that we give them credit for.

In most cases reasoning and logic become roadblocks in the way of great achievement, because great things are created only by those who have faith in the powers of the mind. – The Instant Millionaire

The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth will show you how you have been getting in your own way and, more importantly, it’ll show you how to get out of the way.  I read a GREAT DEAL of books that relate to self help, self improvement, mental fitness, positive affirmations, attracting success, and so forth.  Let’s be honest, I swim in the ocean of these books daily.

Okay. Hourly.

However, this particular little book has stopped me in my tracks and has caused me to dig deep into my own cellar of thoughts.  I honestly wish I could put a copy of this book into everyone’s hands – I feel that it’s that important.

I urge you to go immediately to Amazon (by clicking the following link) and order your copy of this outstanding book.  It’s only 121 pages and, as I’ve said, it reads very fast.  I believe most people could read this book in the time it takes them to read the newspaper.  However, when you put the newspaper down, you aren’t any better off for having read it.   When you put The Instant Millionaire: A Tale of Wisdom and Wealth down, you will have taken the first giant step to raising the bar higher.  What’s more you’ll have the tools, keys, affirmations, and knowledge you’ll need to sail right over the bar with room to spare.

So all you fly mothers, get out there and soar.  Soar I say.

Empty Nest Syndrome: Let’s Bury the Phrase in the Yard

by joi on August 11, 2010

A few posts back, I mentioned the number of women I’ve personally heard from (and others who I have read about) who are currently struggling with what they call the “Empty Nest Syndrome” or as one lady (who’s kids still live at home) referred to as the “May as Well Be An Empty Nest Because the Birds are Always Gone Syndrome.”

As I’ve said before, I HATE the term “Empty Nest Syndrome.”  What is empty? The total absence of anything. If my coffee cup is empty – - – something that rarely happens, but that’s another story – - -  the cup is without anything in it.  Empty.  Nothing there.

If a home is empty, there isn’t anyone in it.  Empty.  No one there.

I was walking around my yard a few weeks ago when I saw a bird’s nest on the ground.  I, hesitantly, turned it over to see if anything was beneath it.  I was greatly relieved to find that the nest was empty.  No one home when it came crashing down.  Now that’s an EMPTY NEST.

A home in which at least one parent, often two, are living is anything but empty.

What you’re experiencing (and if you’ve read this far, I assume you’re going through the experience or, at least, know that it exists on the horizon) is simply another chapter in your life.  It’s a chapter that’s simply a little quieter with a little more “free time.”  From here on, I’ll refer to the aforementioned syndrome as the “Quiet House Chapter.”

The thing that makes this chapter seem so drastically and dramatically different is that it’s a huge transition.  You go from walking out to the car, one day, with multiple kids fighting over who’s turn it is to sit up front to walking out to the same car the next day with only your shadow as a companion.  He, or she, calls shotgun and off you go.

You go from making lunch for a party of 2, 3, 4, or 5 to making lunch for a party of one – two if your cat’s awake.

It’s not the end of the world, though, and I get crazy upset with people who act like it is.  It’s a new chapter, that’s all, and as any book lover knows, new chapters can be exciting.  New chapters can be challenging.  And new chapters can be, dare I say it, fun!

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not immune to any of the emotions felt.   I’m a mother bird, too.  God blessed me more than I ever thought was possible when he allowed me to become a mother to three beautiful daughters who I love and cherish more than my next breath.  I’d wager to say that this transition in life is even tougher on mothers such as myself, who were stay-at-home moms while raising their children.

To compound the matter, this particular stay-at-home mom also home-schooled her children all the way through school.  That’s a lot of years of sitting at the table studying history, going to the library, picnics at the park, making lunch together, and so forth.

That’s why, I believe with all my heart, that my family has been kind of nonchalantly keeping an eye on me – waiting for Mother Hen’s wig to flip.  They know that my family is my life – they always have been and they always will be.  It doesn’t matter if we’re currently under the same roof or not.  Family is family no matter where they count their sheep.

When you get down to it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a working parent, a work at home parent, or a home-schooling parent,  when the life that you dearly love with every fiber of your being changes – it throws you.  What you have to do is make sure it throws you forward.  Allow it to make you stronger, not weaker.  Demand that it make you better, not bitter.

And, please let the only parties you throw be happy ones, as in no pity parties allowed.  I promise, you’ll be the only one there.

Whether you’re kids are living at home (yet seem to be gone all the time) or they’ve already moved out, there are certain tips for coping with the “Quiet House Chapter” as well as a little homespun advice from a Mother Hen who’s proverbial wig is still in place.

Playing in the Next Room

Here’s something I shared with one reader a few months ago.  I got an e-mail from her yesterday and she said the advice has worked “brilliantly” for her.  I could tell, just by reading her words that she was in a much better place.  The first few times she contacted me, I could almost “hear” tears in her words – this time I’m almost certain there was laughter.

Remember when your kids were small and they’d play in their bedroom or the living room?  Even if you were in the kitchen, you knew where they were – playing in the next room.  The concept of them staying in the same room you were in, 24-7, would have seemed bizarre.  Even though they played in the next room, you were their parent and they were your child and you loved them with all your heart.  You knew they were just a “call” away – whether it were you doing the “calling” because supper was ready or they did the “calling” because someone took their Barbie!

You were 1 call away.

When your kids are older and they seem to spend more time at the mall than their own bedroom, or they move out on their own or go off to college – it will truly help you to think of them as “playing in the next room.”   The beautiful thing is, you’re still just a “call” away.  Whether it’s you making the “call” because you’re making their favorite casserole for supper or they’re making the “call” because they want to know if paper plates are microwavable – you’re still 1 call away.

Pull Yourself Together

There will be days when you feel kind of sad.  There will be days when you think you’d give anything to turn back time.  There will be days when you’re kind of lonely.  It might remind you of when you, yourself, moved away from home for the first time – another huge chapter in your life.  But remember this:  Nothing really changed, did it?

Well, actually, very often things change for the better.  I honestly believe I grew closer to both my mother and my father after I got married.  The crazy thing is, I’m almost certain I saw them more often – especially when the granddaughters came!  I had them over for dinner several nights a week, we went shopping more often, we walked at the park, my mom always made Sunday dinner, my father and my husband talked for hours about sports…

Keep one thing in mind:  How you act as you enter this new chapter will determine just how much everyone will want to be around you!  If you make your kids, or husband, feel guilty or try to make them feel sorry for you – you will push them away.  No one wants to take a guilt trip – they’ll simply avoid the risk by avoiding you.  If, every time one of your kids calls you spend half the conversation talking about how lonely or miserable you are, do you really think they’re going to rush to the phone to call you again any time soon?

For your sake as much as the sake of your family, if you’re coming undone over the Quiet House Chapter, pull yourself together.

Idle Minds Are the Devil’s Workshop

Maybe it’s not the nest that’s as empty as it is the life.  I know, ouch. Many times parents get so wrapped up in raising, teaching, caring for, and playing with their children that they overlook one tiny little thing – everyone has to have their own life, their own interests, their own goals, their own ambitions, and their own smiles.

Yes, their own smiles.

When parents look at their children – we smile!  Even if the child is being a cantankerous little snot, on some level it amuses us. There’s nothing in the world wrong with smiling at your kids – I smile just thinking about mine.  What’s wrong is acting like they’re the only thing that can bring a smile to your face.  It’s a big, beautiful world out there – filled with, literally, countless things to smile at and about.

Never let anyone feel that one of their responsibilities in life is to flip your happiness switch.  Flip your own!

When the Quiet House Chapter begins, you’ll find yourself with lots of free time and free thoughts.  This is where the chapter takes on a certain level of excitement – you get to fill this free time and these free thoughts any way you want.  No one’s dictating what you have to do from this time to that time.    You can take up new hobbies, learn new skills, take up yoga, launch a home business, or write the next great vampire novel.

Below is a list of different adventures you might want to take:

  • Take up birdwatching.
  • Go to the Animal Shelter and rescue a dog who looks lonely.
  • Rescue two!
  • Learn to speak a new language
  • Learn cake decorating.
  • Take online classes in a subject that fascinates you.
  • Take up photography.
  • Learn everything you can about sharks, whales, dolphins, and the ocean.
  • Volunteer.
  • Begin reading all of Agatha Christie’s mysteries.  Start at the first and keep going until you’ve read them all.
  • Go to the shelter and adopt a couple of kittens.  Cats make incredible companions.
  • Grow an herb garden.
  • Buy a couple of yoga dvds, a great yoga book, and fall in love with the experience.
  • Take up serious walking or biking.
  • Take trips to your local state parks and zoos.
  • Go to the Grand Old Opry.
  • Learn to play an instrument.
  • Make candles, soap, jewelry, or all three.
  • Buy a sewing machine and take up sewing.
  • Learn to quilt.
  • Perfect your homemade bread recipe.
  • Start an eBay business – find great deals on antiques and collectibles, then sell them for extra cash.
  • Visit your library regularly.  Scourge the shelves for fascinating new subjects to read about.
  • Buy a bird!
  • Start an aquarium.
  • Buy hamsters and provide elaborate cages and mazes for them.
  • Start watching a sport you’ve never watched before. Pick a team and follow their every game.
  • Learn to make a great cake from scratch – then experiment with different recipes.

I know I mention pets a great deal – but, for one thing, I’m the biggest animal lover in the world… and for another, they STAY babies!

If you decide to pursue a certain interest, buy all the books and dvds you can find on the subject – check out books at the library, research it online, and embrace the fascinating new passion with all you have inside of you.

Please just remember this – it’s something I harp on a great deal on Self Help Daily and Out of Bounds:  Never, ever stop living – the day you do, you start dying.  If you wake up one morning and you just aren’t sure you have any reason to laugh, find one!  When we move from one chapter to the next in life, there are a couple of things that are RIPE for picking:

  1. We can become bitter, sad, and refuse to make the transition from one chapter to the next.  We can keep looking back, with tear-stained eyes at the chapters we’ve already lived and make everyone around us nearly as miserable as we are.  We can make it so that we have absolutely nothing to contribute to conversations – other than “Well, I hope YOU’RE happy.” and “I’m so LONELY.”  (Wonderful, wonderful conversation nuggets, don’t you think.)
  2. We can look back on our past chapters with joy and pride, while embracing the one we’re currently living in with all that’s within us.  We can become so busy learning new things and taking up new interests and hobbies that our spouse and our kids simply don’t know what we’re going to come up with next!  My oldest daughter was a little taken aback yesterday when I called her out to my garden to show her something I’d found:  On a sage leaf was the largest (HUGE) yellow spider I’d ever seen in my life.  I was so proud!  I had her take a picture of my sage loving friend.  My sweet, petite, lovely daughter said, “Kill it!” a couple of times but why would I go and do a thing like that?!  Yes, I’ve become fascinated with spiders.  I guess it was only a matter of time.   The mammoth spider lived to see another day and he provided me with another interest to pursue.

Life is filled with excitement, fun, and fascinating moments – as long as you keep looking for them.  I don’t beg often, but if you’re currently going through this chapter in your life, I beg you to fill your days with reasons to smile…  and, no they don’t have to be spiders!

If you ever want a sounding board, my e-mail is on the site.   Now, I’m off to the garden to see if  “Sargent Sage” is lurking around. Such a handsome devil.  (By the way, the spider at the top of the post isn’t my spider – it’s no where near as large or charismatic).

Children Explain Why They’re Happier Than Adults

by joi on August 4, 2010

In the December 2009 issue of SUCCESS Magazine, there was a great article called “Child’s Play: Learn to think like a kid again – and unlock your hidden potential.”  (Click the link to read Chelsea Greenwood’s excellent article online).

The magazine put together an adorable little panel of children who answered the question “Why are children happier than adults?”  Below are their priceless… and, quite frankly, thought provoking answers and insights:

“Cause kids haven’t forgotten how to have fun.” – Caitlyn, age 5

“Maybe because we get to play outside and have recess, but grownups have to stay inside buildings.” – Audrey, age 7

“Because mommy and daddy take me to the park.” – Alexandra, age 4

“They get to eat ice cream and go into little spaces.” – Rob, age 6

“Because we finger paint.” – Aidan Rhea, age 4

“Because kids get to play more and do more fun things.” – Daniel, age 6

“Kids are happier than grownups because they have more energy.  Kids are more excited about everything.” – Sarah, age 8

Well, there you have it, straight from the mouth of babes.  We need to have fun, get more excited, and… best of all… eat more ice cream.  Thanks Rob!

Spirted Article from July 1921: An Approach to Kicking Bad Habits

by joi on July 29, 2010

The following article first appeared in the July 1921 issue of NAUTILUS Magazine of NEW THOUGHT.  The author, with all the personality in the world, addresses the subject of quitting smoking.  However, the advice could be just as useful with other habits.

A Divorce From Tobacco

by Jean Dare Roberts

My husband had been trying for years to break away from the tobacco habit, but seemed to find it too strong fro him, and gave up.

His younger brother, who has been a still worse slave, surprised me, on a recent visit, by refusing a cigar.

The last time I saw him before he was using six or eight cigars a day and eating at least a cut of chewing tobacco between smokes.  Eating is the right word.  He swallowed both juice and cud.

I was anxious to know how he had conquered a habit of half a lifetime.  He had picked it up when only seven years old.

It seems that his heart got to cutting some queer capers, and frightened him into consulting a doctor.  After giving him the “once over” and back again, the M.D. told him to cut out the tobacco, and to be in a hurry about it, if he wished to escape the undertaker.

He certainly was frightened.  He just thought that was his death warrant.  He had tried so many times and so many different remedies, and everything had failed.

He tried for days to find some help and, finally, as a last resort, he decided to look into his sister’s New Thought literature that he had been ridiculing.

Quite naturally, he didn’t want her to know that he was interested, so he sneaked some out and took it to the office to study.

It appealed to him as being rather sensible, after all, and as he knew of nothing better to do, he decided to try it.

After a few day’s study, he decided on the plan which he followed to success.

On March twentieth he said to himself, “After April twentieth I shall not use any more tobacco.  I shall not care for it, and I shall not be uncomfortable from stopping its use.”

He continued to use it, but every time he prepared a smoke or took a chew, he repeated his formula.  Also the last thing before going to sleep.

On the morning of the appointed day he laid what remained of his supply on the bathroom shelf, and has never used any since that time.

He says that he suffered no inconvenience, ans has had no craving for it.

His health is restored, and his temper and mind are much improved.  They seem to be getting better every day.

– Page 32,  A Divorce From Tobacco by Jean Dare Roberts In NAUTILUS Magazine of NEW THOUGHT, July 1921

“…his heart got to cutting some queer capers…“   – my favorite phrase of the month.  Hands down.

My Favorite 25 Quotes About Adversity

by joi on July 28, 2010

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have… we all have.  What’s more, we’ll continue to have “those days.”  Heck, sometimes we overachieve and have “those weeks.”

Been there. Done that.

Below are my CURRENT favorite 25 quotes about adversity.  The ones in bold?  They’re my absolute favoritest of all.

When life kicks you, don’t let it kick you over. – Kay Yow

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. – Robert Fulghum

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. – M. Kathleen Casey

I have learned there is a gift wrapped inside of every adversity and, if you have faith and hope, you can lose everything and still survive. – Sandi Bachom

When life kicks you, make it kick you forward. – Unknown

I had a lover’s quarrel with the world. – Robert Frost Quote, “The Lesson for Today”

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. – Author Unknown

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know of no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater their power to harm us. – Voltaire

The darkest hour has only sixty minutes. – Morris Mandel

Have the courage to face a difficulty lest it kick you harder than you bargained for. – Stanislaus I, Maxims

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. – Josh Billings

Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. – Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb, from the song, “Rock Bottom”

Despair is anger with no place to go. – Mignon McLaughlin,”The Neurotic’s Notebook”

To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered. – Oscar Wilde

Problems are messages. – Shakti Gawain

Problems are the price you pay for progress. – Branch Rickey

Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. – James Russell Lowell, “Cambridge Thirty Years Ago”

There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity… when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. – Author Unknown

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Talking about your grievances merely adds to those grievances. Give recognition only to what you desire. – Thomas Dreier

Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees. – J. Willard Marriott

Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them. – Hugh Miller, “Snow on the Wind”

I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it isn’t of much value. Life hasn’t revealed its beauty to them. – Boris Pasternak

We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” Unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way. – Philip E. Bernstein

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. – Victor Hugo

BONUS: My oldest daughter, Emily, was about 8 when she said something about problems that I will always remember:

What doesn’t kill you will one day make for a great story. – Emily Sigers

More quotes about adversity!

How to Make Money Writing Online

by joi on July 27, 2010

Right out of the box, I want to apologize for the cheesy title.  I mulled over a few others in my mind then thought, oh just cut to the chase.

The cheesy chase, as it were.

Most people are looking for ways to make more money these days.  I’m not sure why, I mean the economy did an about face, right? </ sarcasm> I can’t even begin to advise anyone on jobs outside of the home (never had one… well, I babysat once when I was 16, does that count?).

However, I am more than a little familiar with working online. I’ve been at it for many enjoyable years.

I’ve written other articles on Self Help Daily about building blogs, publishing blogs, and making money with blogs:

50 Tips, Plus 4, For Tripping the Blog Fantastic

Bloggers and Would-Be Bloggers, For Your Eyes Only

Being Sly as a Firefox When Blogging

Frequency of Blog Posts

Words of Motivation from a Fellow Blogger

A Great Must Read for Bloggers

The ABC’s of Blogging

There are others, of course – all of which can be found under the category BLOGGING.

I have done very well with web publishing and, if you have the drive and the time, it’s something you should consider.  If you have any questions, I’m just an e-mail away.

This article, however, isn’t about making money with blogging. This article is for those who either don’t have the inclination to blog or who are bloggers who wish to make even more money.  After all, life’s a beautiful thing – but it isn’t getting any cheaper to enjoy it. Below are a few websites you may want to look into.  There are varying requirements and the pay, most certainly, varies.

About.com One of the most popular and informative websites online accepts About.com Guides and Contributing Writers.  Guides are responsible for creating a “web” of resources within a particular niche (subject).  The Guide must be able to write articles that are informative to the novice as well as articles that will challenge and inform the expert.  About.com has a list of subjects which they are currently seeking Guides for.

About.com also has a list of subjects in which they’re seeking qualified writers.

With the reputation of this website (combined with the fact that they’re rumored to pay the most), this would be an excellent place to start you journey if you’re looking to make money writing online.

Associated Content – Associated Content is another great way to make money writing online.  Payments are made through Paypal and, like About.com, the reputation is golden.

As a bonus, I personally think having Associated Content contributor on one’s resume would look pretty impressive.  The same can be said of being an About.com Guide or Contributing writer.  If you were to one day branch out into writing for magazines or books, being able to back up your expertise with these reputable websites could really make a difference.

From Associated Content:

Upfront Payments:  Certain types of content can be submitted for Upfront Payment, meaning we’ll review your content, and send you an offer before we publish it. Current offers range from $2-$15. Be sure to read our Upfront Payment guidelines before choosing this option.

Assignments:  Need an idea? Just look at our Assignment Desk – the Web’s first – and claim one! Many assignments offer Upfront Payment. Claim one of these opportunities and we’ll send you the advertised payment amount if your content meets the requirements. Once you’re established on Associated Content, you can apply to our Featured Contributor program. Featured Contributors have access to top-dollar assignments for AssociatedContent.com and partner sites (these assignments typically pay between $10 and $100 upfront).

Performance Payments: Every piece of content you publish on AssociatedContent.com generates unlimited revenue for you based on the amount of traffic it receives (in addition to any Upfront Payment).

You earn money for every one thousand page views your content generates (PPM™ rate). The baseline PPM™ rate is currently $1.50 – meaning if you generate 30,000 page views, you’re paid $45.00 in Performance Payments. As your library of content grows and your total page views accumulate, your Clout level increases. When you reach Clout 7 and beyond, your PPM™ rate will gradually increase up to a maximum of $2.00 per thousand page views. Click here to read more about the Clout system.

Our top Contributors earn hundreds (in some cases, thousands!) of dollars per month in Performance Payments – and so can you. Performance Payments are sent monthly and are based on an aggregate of the page views on all your content – the more you publish, the more you can earn!

E-How.com – Finally, E-How.com is a fun way to make money online.  This is actually the only one of the three suggestions here that I write for.  I plan to look into the others, however, simply because I love to write.  As someone who writes, I’ve found that the best way to hone your writing and keep your skills sharp is to use them as often as possible.

When I first signed up with E-How, I found that (instantly) doing extra writing made words flow more freely.  When anyone asks me how I come up with so much to write about and how I keep the well from running dry – my answer’s always the same:  I never stop!

E-how articles show up incredibly well in Google, and since your payment is based upon the number of eyes that read your article – this is a very good thing for you.

  1. Look to the past, as in the Public Domain. Books that were written prior to 1930 often carry a wealth of information.  I use them often in my research – after all, a lot of advice simply doesn’t change.  I also read them for fun.  I recently began reading a book filled with tips and advice from teachers (Copyright 1918) and principals.  The book reads beautifully and is like a journey into history each time I open the book.  The point is, I grabbed a notebook and pen a few nights ago, while reading this amazing book, and counted up information that could potentially be converted into 100 articles.  Truth be told, I flat-out quit at 100 – it was undoubtedly a lot more.  The same could be said for countless other books in the public domain.
  2. Are you a fan of libraries? I (along with daughters #1 and #3 aka Emily and Stephany) could spend days on end in a library – assuming coffee is served. Often.  You could very well take a great notebook and a couple of pens to your local library and research a given subject.  Accumulate as much great information as possible and turn it into articles.
  3. You can also write informative how-to articles and tutorials about things you’re good at or things you know how to do. I’m an avid cook, so I’ve written several articles centered around cooking and recipes. For someone who’s kitchen is their favorite playground, turning out articles like this takes very, very, very little time.

When it comes to making money writing online, it’s like a lot of other things in life – you can make as little or as much as you’d like.  Nothing can stop you except your own goals and your own determination.

These are, of course, just three of the many places available to make money writing online.  There are many others.  I’m in the process of checking into the others for a follow-up post, but I wanted to go ahead and run with these three.

Cheesy title and all.

Writers, here’s something really fun: I Write Like is a website that will analyze your writing and tell you which author you “write like.” They’ll compare your writing style to some of the greatest authors in the world and let you know who’s style yours’ most resembles.

I entered a few paragraphs from a recent blog post and I was told that my writing most resembles Gertrude Stein.  I wasn’t familiar with the author, so I embarked on a little research.  The first quote attributed to Gertrude Stein told me that I Write Like is onto something: “I do want to get rich, but I never want to do what there is to do to get rich.”

She had another quote that sounded pretty much like me too: “To write is to write is to write is to write is to write is to write is to write”.

Random Thoughts Covered with Peanut Butter

by joi on July 26, 2010

While I was making an outstanding Peanut Butter Sheet Cake (I’ll have the recipe up on my food blog today – trust me, you’ll want this one in the worst way) yesterday, my mind went on one of its famous wandering expeditions.  I found myself deliberating in a lot of different neighborhoods:

  • A movie my husband and I saw Friday – SALT.  It stars my favorite actress, Angelina Jolie, so naturally we saw it on opening night.  Awesome movie! I debated whether or not I liked it as well as or better than Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Wanted.  I decided that SALT was one of her 2 best movies to date.  With that dilemma solved, the brain headed off in a different direction.
  • Why can’t rice cakes have a gazillion calories and cake, cookies, pies, fudge, etc have virtually nil.  Why can’t it be a world where Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels say, “Calories in… Calories out… Eat all the peanut butter fudge and cheesecake you want, but if you even touch a rice cake – I’ll know and I’ll know.  I’ll yell. You’ll cry.”
  • Why do pets ever have to die? One of my outside cats died a few days ago.  Fortunately my youngest daughter’s boyfriend buried him for me.  Pets dying just seems so unnecessary and cruel.  Why can’t our pets just live and live and live…  This little guy (“Scratch”) was one of the sweetest-natured cats we’ve ever had. I’d just look at him and he’d start purring.  When I petted him or talked baby talk to him (yes, I’m one of those cat lovers), forget about it – his body would nearly explode with purring.  Love him muchly. Miss him terribly.
  • Why are the St. Louis Cardinals shopping around for more pitchers when pitching isn’t our weakness this year.  Wev’e got 3 of the best starting pitchers in all of baseball, a guy in the bullpen (Motte) that’s scary good, and a few other relievers who’d be equally scary good if they got more work – but with starting pitchers like Adam Wainwright, Chris Carpenter, and Jamie Garcia – sometimes they’re like Maytag repairmen out there.

My final thoughts were centered around people who seemingly love to help others.  Not just the ones who come through for others, but the ones who come through and don’t resent it.  A lot about Rusty ( he’s daughter #3′s boyfriend) reminds me of my husband. They’re hard workers with great senses of humor.  They had to overcome difficult childhoods and don’t seem to harbor the slightest bit of bitterness.

Rusty also has a trait that reminds me of my mom (and a trait I certainly hope I possess).  He is always incredibly willing to do whatever he can to help other people.  Not just willing – downright happy about it!  My mom was the same way.  She’d do everything in her means – and often beyond her means – to help someone… anyone… who needed it.  Smiled the whole time doing it.  The only thing she seemed sorry about or seemed to regret was that she couldn’t do more.   She never complained.  In addition to working full-time in the school system, she worked with and volunteered for the local Red Cross, the Lion’s Club, and the Salvation Army.  I remember countless times she’d come home and tell me about the children she’d helped during the day.  She didn’t name names, of course, but I heard all about the underprivileged  little girls and boys who she’d taken to doctors, optometrists, dentists, etc.  She’d tell how excited they were when she took them to McDonald’s, Dairy Queen, or Wendy’s.

Sometimes these precious little babies – born without a plastic spoon let alone a silver spoon – would mention to her that they didn’t have this or they wish they had that.  If these things were within her reach, they soon had just what they needed – whether it was a pair of gloves, a notebook, a backpack, rain boots, pajamas, etc.

She didn’t go to any agency for the funds.  She went to her own purse.  Being able to help others who needed it made her smile more than just about anything.  She only frowned and only complained when she couldn’t do more.

She was even more generous to her family.  All of us knew that if we needed anything in the world, she’d be there for us, smiling the whole time.  She was a giver and relished the role.

As I glazed the peanut butter cake, my thoughts finally wrapped themselves up with this:  Our homes, our families, our communities, and our world would all be a lot better off if there were more joyful givers amongst us.  If more people smiled when they helped others – rather than looking around for pats on the back, accolades, or praise.  If, rather than feeling sorry for themselves, more people saved their compassion for others.

My daughter had gotten Rusty out of bed to bury Scratch for me.  He’d just been in bed for a few hours (after working a night shift).  He walked around my yard with me, looking for just the right spot.  He even found a perfect little box and carefully dug a large whole in the merciless heat.

When he was through I began telling him how grateful I was but he stopped me.  He just said, You know I was happy to do it.

And I did know.  I also know something else, I’d never have heard the end of it if I’d attempted to do it myself!

I guess the ambitions of this post are simple:  To make people more aware of what’s going on in the lives of the people around them. Stop worrying so much about how many hours a week you work, how little sleep you got last night, or how “burdened” you believe yourself to be.

Take a good look around. Look at other people’s needs. Ask yourself what you can do to touch the lives of other people.  Of course, if you’re one of those people who resent doing anything for anyone else, you’d be better off watching the grass grow.

The world doesn’t need any more selfish people – it has plenty.  The world needs more selfless people – it hasn’t nearly enough.

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Ever Wonder what your brain craves on the weekend? Find out in the newest article on Out of Bounds.

Relationships: Handle With Care

by joi on July 23, 2010

Relationships. Two of my daughters (Emily and Stephany) and I recently had a killer discussion about relationships – not just romantic relationships.  We went deep -  delving into what we thinks makes any and all relationships work, as well as the things that keep them from working.

Deep waters for a Wednesday afternoon walk, but it kept our minds off of the heat.

We all agreed that treating others with kindness and respect were pivotal ingredients of a healthy relationship.  All three of us love nothing more than laughing, so we immediately agreed that any relationship without humor is… well… headed nowhere fast.  As for the romantic relationships, we agreed that putting the other person needs ahead of your own is VITAL.

We also hit upon something else that I thought was pretty key.

I told my girls that I’ve been getting A LOT of e-mails lately from mothers who are either experiencing an “empty nest,” dreading the “empty nest,” or are learning to  make the adjustment from small children to the young adult variety.

I’m not sure what this surge in sad moms is attributed to, but my heart goes out to my fellow madres.

First of all, I have to say that (with all due respect to anyone who uses or has ever used the phrase “empty nest syndrome” – I hate that expression with a peculiar hatred).  For one thing, most of the time the so-called nest is still occupied by one or two parents…. often a cat or dog…. sometimes all of the above – at any rate, this does not an “empty” nest make.

More importantly, it doesn’t make an “empty” life.

I think that when someone feels emptiness in any area of their life, they should fill it.  Often it’s not the nest that’s empty – it’s the life.  At any rate, I have future articles planned for this very subject, with lots of tips and tricks of the trade to help these parents make these transitions with grace.

It’s so much better for all involved!

The reason I bring these particular parents up at the moment is because many of them make a perfect illustration for another key element in relationships.

Here’s a scenario (mark it down, it’s happening somewhere in the world even as you’re reading these words):  A mother is left at home while her husband is off at a ballgame.  The kids (who once would be watching television or making lovely noise that fills the house) are now suddenly on dates, at school, or out with friends.

When everyone comes home, they’re met with an icy stare and an attitude hiding a broken heart.  When they finally get her to speak (occasionally it takes a while to break the ice), she hits them each right between the eyes and nearly knocks them to the floor with what has become a potent weapon: Guilt trips.

Naturally, nothing good comes from it.  Instead of curing the ills of one person, suddenly the whole family is miserable.  The problem is the husband and, especially the kids, have no point of reference.

Too often, all of us expect the other person or persons to understand how we FEEL – when that’s next to impossible… they’ve never been in the peculiar situation we’re in and have no point of reference.

It’s foreign to them, so asking them to “understand” is nearly impossible.  Everyone winds up frustrated and – in the end – the one who started the ball rolling wishes with all their might they’d just held the ball.  Sat on the ball. Swallowed the ball.

The same goes for the father who has worked hard to pay for his tools and rides his son extra hard to put them back, gently, where they belong.  The young son doesn’t  have a point of reference since he hasn’t had to work hard and save for something as nice as the tools his dad now treats so carefully.

The dad can blow up (and many do) but, in the end – what does the son wind up thinking, “Hot head! Why doesn’t he just chill… they’re tools for crying out loud?!”

No point of reference.

How about the wife who loses patience with her husband because he doesn’t want to “talk things out?”  She’s accustomed to talking until her lips are numb with her mother, sisters, and friends.  What’s his problem? Males don’t grow up “talking things out” – guess they’re too busy saving for, buying, and standing guard duty on their tools. (Sorry, guys – much love to you and your tools.)

I’m not saying that when we’re hurt we should keep a lid on it. No, no, no, not even close.

However, I am suggesting a few things:

  1. Before giving your emotions a voice, let the emotions come down a few decibels. If you speak when you’re angry or hurt, the words that come out of your mouth aren’t the words you’d “sign off on” if you were in your right frame of mind.  You’d want to edit the heck out of them.  Angry words are stones hurled at relationships.
  2. Sometimes, if you give your emotions a little break (by watching a baseball game, taking a shower, taking a walk, visiting Mayberry with Andy Griffith…) – they’ll be much more reasonable when you call upon them to testify.
  3. Even better, often if you give your emotions a much-needed break, you’ll find out that what you thought was worth blowing up over actually doesn’t even warrant a mention. Your relationship will remain intact and you can save your “anger card” for a more appropriate time.
  4. If, after the break, you feel that your emotions need to be heard (and often this is the case), do so in a manner that your point will come across rather than your anger or pain.  Don’t go on the attack.  Doing so will only cause the other person to throw up every shield and response mechanism they can find. Then a fight is more than likely to go down.  Then, make no mistake about it, your point is toast.  You are instantly public enemy number 1.  Anyone who happens to be caught in the crossfire will see you as little more than a public nuisance as well.  Be calm. Be reasonable. Be mature.  Be an adult.
  5. Take selfishness out of the equation.  If you’re feeling ignored, put upon, over-worked, slighted, etc – ask yourself, “And when did the world start revolving around me?”  Some of the things people get bent out of shape over remind me of 5 year olds on a playground.  “She said this!… He isn’t letting me have the ball!… She won’t play with me!….”  Kids on a playground don’t think of the other kids.  They think of themselves.  They don’t think, “I bet he’d love to play with this ball.  I’ve had it for a long time, I’m going to let him play with it.”  Adults should be capable of  thinking outside of the parameters of self.  We don’t always do it, but we’re more than capable!  Relationships require mature individuals thinking about the other person as opposed to just thinking about themselves.
  6. Every now and then ask yourself if you’re a fun person to hang around!  Do you look for the good in life? Do you look for the good in people?  Do you like to complain and moan a little too much – so much so that it’s become a habit? Do you love to laugh and, if you can’t find a reason to laugh, create a reason?!
  7. Show the people you love that they’re the people you love.

Relationships. Think about the word over the coming days.  The relationships in my life are my riches.  I value them more than a cat values her next meal, more than a girl values her cellphone, more than a boy values his X box, more than a baby values milk, and – yes – even more than a man values his Sears tools (If I knew a great brand, I’d use it – I could walk out to my husband’s toolbox and check the name written on the handle, but I might trigger the alarm system…).   Relationships are more valuable than gold but, unfortunately, they can also be more fragile than glass.

You’ll do yourself the biggest, grandest, most supreme favor ever if you’ll begin treating your relationships with this in mind. 

Relationship Reminders:

  • What’s said cannot ever be unsaid.
  • What’s done cannot ever be undone.
  • People usually forgive but they never forget.
  • Every word out of your mouth paints the picture of your reputation and pens your autobiography.
  • Be the person you’d want to be around.  If you’re a wife, be the sort of wife you’d want to have.  If you’re a husband, be the sort of husband you’d want to have.  If you’re a daughter, be the sort of daughter you’d want to have. If you’re a son, be the sort of son you’d want to have.  If you’re a mother, be the sort of mother you’d want to have.  If you’re a father, be the sort of father you’d want to have.
  • Keep in mind that the other person may not have a point of reference.  They aren’t trying to mistreat you or cause you mental anguish – very often, they simply don’t understand where you’re coming from.  If you aren’t conveying the message in a way they “get,” the fault isn’t entirely theirs.  Make your point, but please make sure it’s worth making first.
  • Remember, it isn’t always about you.  It really isn’t.
  • Remember, sometimes it is about you. Contradiction? Not really. (Read the article on the other side of the link!)

I want you to have the best life possible – filled with the happiest days and nights imaginable.  I know that this isn’t possible if you don’t start treating your relationships as the valuable treasures they are.  Please don’t take people for granted and please don’t ever, ever treat them as though they just don’t quite measure up. The people you love deserve so much better than that.

When it comes to relationships, when all’s said and done: You’ll wish you’d said less and done more.

The Link Between Creativity and Depression

by joi on July 16, 2010

Below is a guest post by a very talented, award-winning author and teacher. I’d like to thank Diana Raab very much for including Self Help Daily on her blog book tour. We’re very honored to have her and thrilled to share her wisdom with you.

by Diana M. Raab, MFA, RN
http://www.dianaraab.com

Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass. – Chuck T. Falcon

It has been said that creative persons, such as authors, artists, actors, musicians, performers and poets are more often plagued with the demon of depression. One of the reasons is that creative types tend to feel powerful emotions which could aid in their creative endeavors. If we examine the lives of accomplished artists, such as Vincent Van Gogh, Charles Darwin, Virginia Wolf, William Styron, Anne Sexton, Emily Dickinson and Sylvia Plath, we will observe that they all battled with depression at some point in their lives. If you’ve ever been depressed then you understand the sense of helplessness and numbness which accompanies this illness. Sometimes a sense of helplessness drives creative individuals to the drawing or writing pad, but other times, it can be immobilizing.

Approximately seven percent of the general population is affected by depression or bipolar disorder, and studies have shown that this number tends to be higher amongst creative types. Bipolar disorder is characterized by episodes of mania and major depression. Typically, someone who is manic depressive tends to swing from excessive highs (mania) to profound hopelessness (depression). In between these episodes, they typically they have periods of normal mood. Some people can also have mixed symptoms of both mania and depression at the same time, while others may have more moderate symptoms of mania.

In his book, Van Gogh Blues, Eric Maisel proclaims that virtually one hundred percent of creative people suffer from episodes of depression. He verifies this by saying that every creative person came out of the womb ready to interrogate life and determine for herself what life would mean, could mean, and should mean. He believes that depression in creative individuals is thought of as a crisis caused by chronic, persistent uneasiness, irritation, anger, and sadness about the facts of existence and life’s apparent lack of meaning. In fact, those who try to understand the reason for their own existence will most likely be more prone to depression. This theory refutes the belief that depression has genetic roots, and this would be a good subject for another article.

Kay Redfield Jamison, a foremost expert on bipolar disorder and someone who has also suffered from the disease since childhood, believes that most artistic geniuses are manic depressive. Jamison is also author of Touched With Fire and professor of psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. Her book makes a powerful link between depression and creativity.

When a writer is depressed, he or she may turn to writing to ease the pain. The writing process can help the creative person make sense of their lives and helps to validate what they are feeling. Writing brings us face-to-face with reality. The act of moving the pen across the page or the fingers on the keyboard can be meditative and calming. Expressing your feelings helps to give meaning to your life, something which is helpful for us all to do!

BIONOTE

DIANA M. RAAB

Diana Raab is an award-winning writer and teacher specializing in personal writing and memoir. She is a guest blogger on numerous websites. She teaches at the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program and at various conferences around the country.

Her most recent memoir/self-help book is called, Healing With Words: A Writer’s Cancer Journey and has already received stellar reviews and she’s set up for many interviews.

Her memoir, Regina’s Closet: Finding My Grandmother’s Secret Journal (Beaufort Books, 2007)) won the 2008 National Indie Excellence Award for Memoir and the 2009 Mom’s Choice Award for Adult Nonfiction.

She’s editor of the anthology, Writers and Their Notebooks (University of South Carolina Press, January 2010).

She has three poetry collections: My Muse Undresses Me (2007), Dear Anaïs: My Life in Poems for You (2008), winner of The Reader Views Award and Allbooks Reviews Editor’s Choice and The Guilt Gene (2009).

She’s the recipient of the Benjamin Franklin Book award for best health and wellness book for her book, Getting Pregnant and Staying Pregnant: Overcoming Infertility and High Risk Pregnancy. It has been translated into French and Spanish. In 2009 the book was updated and released in its 20th anniversary edition, under the title, Your High Risk Pregnancy: A Practical and Supportive Guide in collaboration with Dr. Errol Norwitz of Yale School of Medicine.

For more information, please visit her website: http://www.dianaraab.com. and blog, http://www.dianaraab.com/blog.

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