Vintage Self Help Daily

Could This Be The Most Potentially Life-Changing Quote of All Time?

February 27, 2013 By Joi 1 Comment

I Think We Can Make a Strong Case for It!

As you know, I’m an avid collector and great lover of inspirational quotes. I’m not sure I ever met one I didn’t want to sit down and spend a little time with. Over the years, I find that I always have a few “favorite quotes of the moment.” The quotes that just seem to find their way into every conversation and seem to be applicable to whatever is going on around me.

Funny thing is, the quote you see above has been a favorite quote for as long as I can remember. What you allow is what will continue. It never goes out of style, never gets old, and (as far as I’m concerned) should never leave your side.

This past week, alone, the quote came to mind in three different instances.

My husband and I were at a favorite restaurant in town that often seems to have a problem with being understaffed. We’ve heard, on several occasions, that they have a problem with servers simply calling in at the last minute. As the manager ran around like a chicken in search of its head, I wanted desperately to write the quote down and slip it to him as he flew past our table on one of his trips. If he keeps allowing his workers to treat him, the restaurant, and their co-workers this way, they will. It’ll continue.
I heard about a girl (from one of my daughters) who has a ridiculously unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend. He treats this girl in a way that makes me want to smack him in the head… with an electric eel. And she isn’t even MY daughter – I don’t want to even think what he’d be in for if she were! The relationship (if you can even call it that) has been going on like this for a few years and, by now, this unhealthy and abnormal reality probably seems normal to this young girl. What I wouldn’t give for 10 minutes with her. If she continues to allow herself to be treated like a doormat, this jerk will continue to trample on her.
Okay, time to rat on myself. I try to eat healthy. Like most people, these days, I try to make the right choices in the store, in my kitchen, and in restaurants. A few times this week (alone!) I messed up big time. Let’s see, I messed up in the grocery store by buying unhealthy snacks, I messed up at home by choosing the unhealthy ones over the beautiful fruit that was sitting on the counter, and I messed up in a restaurant (Seriously, Joi? Three rolls? With Butter?) I whipped out the beloved quote on myself last night in the grocery store. I had a bag of Doritos in my hand, licking my lips as I was thisclose to throwing it into the cart. Then I realized that if I keep allowing my inner snacker (she has the rationality of a 10 year old) to call the shots, my downward spiral will continue. I put the bag of crunchy goodness back on the shelf and got some celery instead. It was cheaper, healthier, and is one step in breaking a cycle I want to break.

The celery over Doritos choice may seem small – and I guess, compared to gleefully eating 3 rolls… with butter… it is small. However, we’d all do well to keep in mind that every choice we make either carries us one step forward, one step backward, or sinks us further in the ground where we stand.

If the thought of staying where you are – or going backward – makes you cringe, realize that you have to break the cycle. You have to proactively step OUT of the steps you’ve been walking in and proactively carve out a new path. Don’t think of it as the end, think of it as the beginning.

Today can be the first day of an exciting new life. One in which you smile more than you’ve ever smiled before, felt better than ever, and find that laughing is downright addictive!

Don’t even try telling me that doesn’t sound exciting.

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the most searched things on Google is How to Be Happy. Ironically, that fact makes me pretty sad! The thought of so many people out there who may be so removed from happiness that they’re turning to a search engine to remember where it is… well, that’s sad. The thing is, we’re born happy. When we’re babies and toddlers, we wear our happiness on our face for the world to see. Think of the insanely popular videos on YouTube of babies laughing. People (including me) love these videos as spend copious amounts of time watching them… laughing with the babies the entire time.

Why? Because pure joy is a beautiful, intoxicating thing. If we allow the wrong things to keep playing out, we’ll continue to be further and further removed from happiness and joy.

Leave behind anything that stands between you and happiness and, while you’re at it, tuck this life-changing quote into your pocket so you never forget it again…..

What you allow is what will continue. My wish for you is that you’ll only allow positive, uplifting, joyous things in your life because… mark it down.. they’ll continue! Pure joy is what I want for YOU – the kind you just can’t keep in or hide.

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Must Reads, Relationships, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: happiness, how to be happy, inspirational quote, Relationships, self improvement

The TRUE Opposite of Boldness

May 9, 2012 By Joi 2 Comments

It Isn't What You Think

Hannah

In the Bible, there’s a passage that used to bumfuzzle me. When I was much younger, I even wanted to ask my preacher about it. I didn’t because I didn’t want to seem, at best, a simple little dummy or, at worst, a Hell-bound little heathen. I’m certain I’m neither, so I just decided to figure it out for myself.

The passage basically says that it’s better to be cold or hot than to be lukewarm. To my young mind, I was certain the Bible had gotten it twisted. After all, wouldn’t it be better to be at least a little warm than to be altogether cold? Time and life experience have taught me that, OF COURSE, the Bible was right.

When I came home from the store this morning, one of our outside cats (Hannah – pictured above, showing off her beautiful markings) was standing in the middle of the driveway. Naturally, I had to wait (while finishing off my breakfast sandwich and black coffee from Burger King) as she decided which way she intended to go – toward her favorite patio chair on the carport or toward a sunny spot in the yard with her name on it. It didn’t take long (I timed it right around two bites and four sips) for her to realize her chair just didn’t look quite right without her.

Hannah, in the middle of the driveway, is like a lukewarm person. You almost want to yell, “Pick a side!” But I never yell at cats, so that’s out.

It sort of comes down to two things:

If we’re right, we should always stand up for our beliefs. Head up, chest out, feet firm. Move us if you dare.
If we’re wrong, we should always stand up for our beliefs. Head up, chest out, feet firm. Move us if you dare.

Someone once told me they “hated” certain men and women who go door to door with little books. Although I don’t personally agree with their literature, I have no ill-will toward them. In fact, many years ago I invited a few of these women into my living room for what turned out to be a very interesting conversation. When I told them I wasn’t interested in reading their little books, one of them (the lead, I presume) asked if I’d listen to her for a few minutes. I told her I would if she’d return the favor. We talked and debated for 45 minutes. The lead did all of their talking -with the younger woman looking back and forth between both of us. The older lady had a huge Russian-style hat on and at one point I told her that a certain point I was making was as obvious as the hat on her head. The younger woman burst out laughing. They retreated. My daughters applauded. I bowed.

I don’t hate these people. Far from it. In fact, can I let you in on a little secret? I admire their conviction, their determination, and.. yes… their bravery.

What if those of us who have strong convictions of our own…..

Fighting child abuse
Trying to end childhood diseases
Protecting wildlife
Believing that prayer, the Bible, and the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag should have NEVER been taken out of schools

….. were just as determined, passionate, and brave? What if we didn’t stand in the middle of the road – afraid to say what we really think (not giving two shakes about what people would think) but picked our side and defied an army to move us?! Then the noisy, misguided minority would never win another battle.

Don’t quote me on an school exam, but meekness is not the opposite of boldness. Middle-ness is. As Charles Krauthammer said, Middleness is the very enemy of the bold.

Below are some of my favorite quotes about standing up for what you believe in, whether it’s a political hot topic or a favorite patio chair.

When something important is going on, silence is a lie. – A.M. Rosenthal

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. – Margaret Thatcher

A man’s judgment is best when he can forget himself and any reputation he may have acquired and can concentrate wholly on making the right decisions. – Adm. Raymond A. Spruance

You can lean over backward so far that you fall flat on your face. – Ben H. Bagdikian

He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck. – H. Hert

The main discomfort in being a middle-of-the-roader is that you get sideswiped by partisans going in both directions. – Sydney J. Harris

You’ve got to stand for somethin’ or you’re gonna fall for anything. – John Mellencamp

A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be. Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice. – Thomas Paine

He that always gives way to others will end in having no principles of his own. – Aesop

It’s important that people should know what you stand for. It’s equally important that they know what you won’t stand for. – Mary H. Waldrip

Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. – Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof. – James Russell Lowell

A good resolution is like an old horse which is often saddled but rarely ridden. – Mexican Proverb

Never give in – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – except to convictions of honor and good sense. – Winston Churchill

Filed Under: Make a Difference, Self Awareness, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: boldness, Make a Difference, quotes, quotes about boldness

How to Snap Yourself Out of a Bad, Rotten Mood

October 4, 2011 By Joi 10 Comments

Sending Grumps Packing

Okay, right off the bat, I apologize for the title of this post. You don’t exactly snap yourself out of a bad mood. The wording makes it sound as simple as Samantha on Bewitched twitching her nose (how cute was it when she did that?). However, “How to Will Yourself Out of a Bad Mood by Refusing to Succumb to it’s Ill Will” sounded a little highfalutin to me.

If you’re reading this..

You are already in a rotten mood
You’re anticipating a rotten mood
You read me on a regular basis… Have I told you lately how much I love you?

Even if you’re in the wonderfully sexy and charismatic last group, hopefully you can get something out of this. File it away to share with someone else when they’re in a crummy mood and spewing bad vibes on your fabulousness.

Step One: Acknowledge the Bad Mood

Don’t overlook this one! This is actually the most important step and here’s why: The Acknowledgement Step is a step upward. NOT acknowledging the bad mood is a step downward. When we fail to acknowledge a bad mood, we start throwing garbage around:

We blame others (always a bad move)
We point our finger and wrath at God (an even worse move)
We find multiple faults with ourselves, some of which don’t even exist (also not a lot of fun)

If we fail to label our bad mood as just that – A BAD MOOD – we begin a downward spiral which only gains momentum. For one thing, we run the risk of starting arguments with people around us. When we’ve managed to tick off everyone in reach, our world goes from bad to worse. However, when we acknowledge that we’re in a nasty mood, we’ll be more apt to keep a watch on our tongue, expressions, and actions. We’ll think, Must control the beast!

Admitting it is half the battle. It’s true about just about everything, isn’t it? So why do we have so much trouble stepping up and admitting what’s surely obvious?

Pride.

We hate to admit that we’re less than perfect. After all, perfect people don’t have bad moods, right? WRONG! It’s only human to have a bad mood from time to time. Even cats get in bad moods every now and then and they have the life of royalty. One of my cats, Hannah, was in a mood a few days ago. She wore it all over her face! I wish I’d taken a picture because, I swear, it looked like she wore a scowl all day. I gave her extra treats, tons of head scratches, and did all within my power to keep her world extra lovely.

It made me think about those of us who are mere mortals, we’re pretty much the same way Hannah was that day – nothing suits us.

When you find yourself wearing such a scowl, do yourself and everyone around you the biggest favor in the world: ACKNOWLEDGE the foul mood. Call it out.

Step Two: Switch Lanes

My husband and I were taking a trip not long ago and a young woman (on a cellphone) in our lane was driving kind of erratic. She’d go super fast, then she’d crawl. She’d swerve, then she’d swerve back. My husband, who wasn’t trying to wreck his new car, switched lanes and proceeded to put as much distance between himself and the unpredictable wild driver. The smaller she got in the rear view mirror, the better we felt. Though I did say an extra prayer that someone’s daughter would make it to her destination safely. As a mother of three someone’s daughters, I also prayed that someone’s police officer would put the fear of God into her about texting while driving before she got herself or someone else hurt or killed.

When we’re driving, we don’t hesitate for a second to switch lanes. We pop that turn signal on and off we go. We live in a rural part of Kentucky, so we often do the pop and go to get around farm equipment… with a smile and a wave, of course. Never let it be said that Southerners aren’t polite.

When we’re in a bad mood, the first thing we have to do after acknowledging the problem is to switch lanes. We have to have enough sense to realize that the lane we’re in is an accident waiting to happen. This is where we have to make up our minds to pop and go – pop on the turn signal and go, out of the lane we’re in and into another one.

The smaller the bad mood gets in our rear view mirror, the better.

Ways to Switch to the Right Lane

Do something constructive. Yesterday, after hours of working online (and on the heels of my vehicle having to have a couple hundred dollars work), I found myself building up to a pretty rotten mood. I got up from the computer and cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed the house. I don’t know if it was the physical activity or the result of accomplishing something, but the rotten mood faded almost immediately. Very often, just being able to look at something you’ve done and feel good about it makes a big difference.
Get some fresh air. A change of scenery often does the trick.
Get some activity, such as a walk. If you can walk outdoors, you’ve nailed the first three items in this list! You’ve done something constructive (exercise) while getting fresh air and physical activity. Yay, you!
Bake something. It doesn’t matter if it’s cookies, cupcakes, or bread – it’s almost impossible to feel grumpy when you’re baking. The aroma, alone, chases off the grumps.
Shop Therapy! Come on, let’s not kid ourselves, nothing says happy quite like a new kitchen gadget, nail polish, or purple top. Or golf balls, a new novel, or pair of shoes. It doesn’t matter what floats your boat, it’s fun to shop. I suppose there’s something to be said for “window shopping” but returning home without a bag kind of seems depressing to me.
Watch a sitcom. Escaping into 30 minutes of fun and laughter is a great mood lifter. I Love Lucy, Sanford and Son, Andy Griffith, King of Queens, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Big Bang Theory… countless good times just waiting to happen. Lucy has seen me through a lifetime of ups and downs. After I lost my mom, I prescribed myself a daily dose of Lucy. Lucy’s my comfort zone. A while back, after some particularly hideous dental work, my family knew where to find me – in Lucy and Ricky’s apartment with a bucket full of KFC Mashed potatoes and gravy.
Read a book. Again, the escapism is key. Remember, you’re trying to switch lanes here. Switching lanes means getting up from and away from where you are.
Search for your favorite comedians on You Tube. Bill Cosby and Dane Cook don’t just make my sides ache from laughing, they leave them positively sore. David Letterman’s Top Tens are also a million laughs.
When in doubt, reach for the chocolate. I’m surprised that this is so far down the list, actually, since it’s always my first line of defense. Then again, chocolate is my first line of defense (or offense) every single day of my life. TRUE STORY: I once made “Eat chocolate every single day” a New Year’s Resolution because I knew this way I’d at least keep one resolution. So, I’ve made this resolution every year since and have always been able to say that I’ve kept at lease one resolution with the faithfulness of the Amish.
Another great, never-fails pick me up is a clean one: Take a bath or shower. Again, I’m not sure WHY this works, but it does. I dunno, maybe it’s the thrill of seeing yourself naked, the experience of comfortable water, or the change in temperature. Maybe it’s a little of all three. A great bath or shower kind of erases the slate, doesn’t it? You get out, dry off, and it’s almost like you have a new start. Love it.
Do something (or even just say something) nice for someone else. When you make someone else smile or laugh, you feel their joy multiplied by ten. Besides, we’d all much rather spread joy than grumpiness.
Spend time doing something you dearly love. We all have times or places that cause us to think, “This is soooooo me.” When you feel a bad mood coming on, get yourself to this place immediately! If it’s reading while curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee, put everything else on hold and pick up your book. If it’s surfing the internet, reading your favorite blogs and visiting your favorite websites – have at it. If it’s lying in the floor watching sports, The History Channel, or I Love Lucy with your cat (can you say Heaven?) – grab the remote control and escape.
Pet your cat, dog, guinea pig, hamster, horse, pig, reptile, bird, or chinchilla. Or whatever pet you happen to share your world with. Do you even pet reptiles? Pets bring so much love and happiness into our lives. I honestly can’t imagine life without my cats. Even when they’re in a mood and wear a scowl – still wish I had a picture.
The best advice I can possibly give you for improving your mood? Pizza. Works every single time.

When you’re in a bad mood, you aren’t yourself. A bad mood causes you to lose your center. The only way to get it back is to get out there and find it! Sitting around stewing or lashing out at everyone you come into contact with will only make it worse. Switch lanes before you run over someone or someone puts you into the rails.

If you’re in a bad mood right now, go have a little chocolate. If you’re in a good mood right now, go have a little chocolate.

Make each moment count double!

- Joi… if you’re looking for me this evening, check every pizza restaurant – I will surely be in one. The picture above has hit me with intense, intense cravings.

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: how to be happy, how to snap out of a bad mood

Forget Growing Up. If You Want to Be Happy, Grow Younger!

August 1, 2011 By Joi 5 Comments

Plus, A Beautiful Inspirational Poem

Am I wrong to be always so happy? This world is full of grief;
Yet there is laughter of sunshine, to see the crisp green on the leaf,
Daylight is ringing with song-birds, and brooklets are crooning at night;
And why should I make a shadow when God makes all so bright?
Earth may be wicked and weary, yet cannot I help being glad!
There is sunshine without and within me, and how should I mope or be sad?
God would not flood me with blessings, meaning me only to pine
Amid all the bounties and beauties he pours upon me and mine;
Therefore I will be grateful, and therefore will I rejoice;
My heart is singing within me; sing on, O heart and voice.
-Walter C. Smith.

Is that beautiful or what?! Each time I read it, I’m left with a big smile on my face. You know, the ear to ear kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Have you ever really listened to the beautiful, free, wonderful sound of laughter? Last night, my middle daughter Brittany was in the kitchen cooking with her on-again, off-again, on-gain, off-again boyfriend. Or is it on now? My other daughters and I literally have to ask each other each day, “On or Off?” because it changes that often. I don’t panic because I remember all too well what it was like to be that young. When these two kids (and they’re both beautiful, full-of-life, adorable kids) are “on,” they have a ball. Last night, when they were in the kitchen cooking, there was a lot of laughter. It made me think…. laughter is a beautiful thing! It means the person is, at least at that moment, completely taken over with happiness and awash with joy.

The more time my girl’s spend afloat with joy rather than weighed down with sadness the better. Makes for one happy momma!

Adult laughter is as precious and wonderful as a child’s laughter. Sadly, for a lot of adults, it just doesn’t come as often. Naysayers will say that it’s because adults have so many things to worry about and take care of… that they don’t have time to laugh. I’d be the first to wash a hog all over that, so let the hogwash begin. Everyone has time for laughter and everyone has time to be happy. If they don’t, they’d better MAKE time because staying on the road they’re on will make them run out of time sooner than they’d like to.

If you’d like more carefree, beautiful, reckless laughter in your life – I have something that might just help. You’ll have to go back in time, though. Way, way back.

Remember when you were a child (I told you it’d be way back!). Imagine yourself playing with the kids in your neighborhood. For me, I’m remembering long bike rides, camping in my backyard, going to the park, swimming, playing softball, and being surrounded by dogs and cats (some things never change). I remember the happiness, the excitement, and most definitely the laughter. Your trip back in time might conjure up bike riding, playing cowboys and Indians, and fishing.

No matter where your memories take you, you’ll notice:

You lived out loud.
You couldn’t wait to see what each day brought!
Life was FUN.
You didn’t worry about money.
You didn’t care how much your clothes cost.
You didn’t care how much your friend’s clothes cost.
Your world was a wonderful place in which to live.
You hated going to sleep at night because you might miss something.
You laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed…

I’m a card-carrying optimist and, admittedly, my head is almost always in the clouds. Sorry but I love the view. However, even I will acknowledge that adulthood brings about responsibilities – certainly more responsibilities than you had when soaring on your bike and feeling the wind in your race. I can still feel that rush in my mind. I SAILED on my orange 10 speed bike! However, there’s a KEY element from our childhood that we CAN and SHOULD remember and revive.

1. EXPECTATIONS

When we were children, we had more than enough even when we didn’t. Children who are playing with sticks are as happy as kids who are playing with their new computer games. Children accept what life has given them and they don’t resent what it hasn’t. They live in the moment without worrying about the next.

Too many expectations drag your spirits down. Expectations constantly whisper in your ear, “This isn’t enough…. That isn’t good enough…. You’d be happy if only…. I need that to really be happy…” Kids don’t have such burdens to weigh them down.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting material things – especially if they’re needs. However, if you’re one of those people who is ALWAYS wanting something, you may want to re-evaluate. If you’re relying on things to make you feel good, there’s a problem somewhere. You need to find out why you aren’t happy with what you have – as opposed to always wanting more.

Be happy with who you are, where you are, and what you have. Let go of excess expectations. You’ll feel lighter immediately.

2. REGRETS

I remember once, when I was about 5, I got in trouble with my mother. I’d driven my toy car into the street (pray tell, where do cars go, after all?!!). I was rewarded for my efforts with a switch to the backside. Apparently, I’m told that I ran to my grandmother and told her, “Mommy beat me with a tree limb!!“ No red marks, no tears… but I tried my best to pull off the “tree limb beating” story. I don’t remember much about it, but I do remember my grandmother trying not to laugh and my poor mother producing the tiny stick for her examination. My grandmother (“MeMe”) kept that little switch on her dresser for a very long time.

No doubt, the whole affair went completely out of my pig-tailed head before it even hit the pillow that night. Kids don’t carry the past with them. They don’t fret over what they did or what was done to them – even if it was done with a tree limb.

It happens.
It happened.

Kids are masters with suffixes. They know the difference between something happenING and when something happenED. Why do adults get so tricked up with suffixes?!?! We’ll go back (sometimes so far back that everything starts looking black and white) and retrieve past injuries committed to us or wrongs we did to others. Isn’t that nothing more than going back for what happenED and cause it to be happenING all over again.

And we think we’re so smart!

If the memories you’re going back for cause you to smile – or laugh, as I do when I remember my grandmother’s expression – then, by all means, visit them often! However, if they make you feel bitter, resentful, guilty, angry, sad, or bad in any way – leave them where they are and never go back for them. Memories are funny things, the more we relive them, the stronger they are.

My husband has some sort of a button on his remote control that “pulls up” his favorite channels on the screen. All he has to do is choose which FAVORITE destination he wants to go to (ESPN, History Channel, Golf Channel, NatGeo, Discovery…). Memories are kind of like this. The ones we visit the most and dwell upon the most often are right there, in the forefront. We keep them strong and centered. If they’re negative memories, can you imagine what that does to our psyche?

Let go. Move on.

3. Control

When we were kids, we didn’t try to (or even want to) control our friends or family members. If daddy chose to wear white shoes in November, that was cool with us. If mom wore curlers to the grocery store, what was that to us? If our best friend cut her hair shorter than our beagle’s, we weren’t going to lose sleep over it – no more than we would if another friend grew his hair past his waist. We loved these people – what did it matter to us what they wore or how they did their hair?! They were our family and our friends and we’d fight anyone that looked sideways at them!

When a lot of people become adults, they think they have to control everyone and everything around them. Then they wonder where their joy has gone. It’s hardest, probably, for parents. But we HAVE to remember that our job is to raise these precious blessings to the best of our abilities. When they become adults, we HAVE to allow them to live their own lives and make their own decisions – just as our parents did for us. I know you’re an intelligent person, so I won’t go into the fact that “some things” warrant intervention, no matter how old the child is. However, it’s been my experience that most parents have the most hang ups over “little” things.

Let them go. Your relationship with your son or daughter depends upon you being able to relinquish control. When our kids get older, we don’t see them as often as we once did. Do we REALLY want the precious time we DO have with them to be tense and confrontational? Allow yourself, and those around you, to be happy. Allow yourself, and those around you, to love life and live out loud.

If you have to take a trip back to childhood to remember how it felt to be carefree and happy to be alive, then go back. If you need a special reminder, keep a picture of yourself as a child nearby. How would he or she felt if they saw you today? Would they want to spend time with you or would they call you the grouch of the neighborhood?! How about the teenaged you, would they want to hang out with you? Would they think you were fun or would they tell you, right off the bat, to “Lighten the heck up!”?

Finally, a little time travel in the opposite direction. It’s not nearly as fun, but imagine YOU in your eighties. If the 80 something YOU sat down with today’s version, what would he/she tell you?

Work harder.
Put in longer hours.
Buy a newer car.
Find more things to stress about.
Buy a newer house.
Make your kids march to the beat of YOUR drum, not their’s.
Make your spouse toe the line

Doubtful!

Don’t you think the things he/she would actually say would sound something like this:

Lighten up.
Laugh more.
Cherish your family and keep them close. They will always be your REAL treasure.
Spend more time with the ones you love.
Stop worrying about how you look. Seriously.
The world is a beautiful place. Look around you!
Take more pictures.
Eat healthier foods.
Stop trying to make your friends and family measure up to your yardstick.
Throw the damn yardstick away!
Stop trying to make time PAY and just make time COUNT.
Stop worrying about how you’ll LOOK at this age or how much you’ll HAVE.

One of my favorite bracelets is about as simple as it gets. It has one of my all-time favorite sayings on it, also about as simple as it gets: Live Love Laugh. That’s really what it’s all about, you know. The 8 year old you knew it. The 80 year old you will know it. My one hope, right now, is that the present day you is closer to knowing it as well.

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Self Awareness, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: happiness, how to be happy, inspiration, inspirational quote, Positive Thought

Coping with Stress

June 29, 2011 By Joi 3 Comments

My Number 1 Favorite Stress Buster

I’m lucky when it comes to stress. I took after my dad, the most laid back Joe to ever live. So, generally-speaking, stress and I aren’t on a first name basis. However, since I am human (most of the time), I do experience stressful situations and there have been times when I’m happily chugging down life’s road, only to have stress present its ugly self in the form of a roadblock.

Hate it when that happens.

When it comes to coping with stress, naturally the best advice to give, or receive, is to avoid the things that stress you out. If you get stressed when you go shopping amongst crowds, for example, go earlier in the morning. If running late causes you to stress out, make a habit of setting your alarm clock earlier. Basically, do whatever you can do to stay one step ahead of stress.

A continued cycle of stress is ridiculously bad for your health. Studies show that stress actually WEAKENS your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable for all sorts of illnesses. Left free to roam through your life, stress also wreaks havoc on your relationships and, often, your job. Obviously, it’s imperative that you identify the things that cause you to experience stress and eliminate as many as possible. For those that can’t be entirely eliminated, find ways to deal with them. Again, stay one step ahead of your stress signals.

Also, make a point of carving out a little time each day to totally and completely relax. The great thing about scheduling this time for later in the day is that it gives you something to look forward to all day. When your to do list just keeps getting longer and has lost all sense of reason, you can smile and say, “Fine. I’ll keep working like a caffeinated maniac but when 7:00 rolls around, I”ll be on the sofa watching baseball with a Coke in one hand and popcorn in the other.”

It takes the sting out of even the vilest to do list. Trust me.

If you read my self help blog (or any of my blogs for that matter), you’ve probably already guessed what my number 1 stress buster is: PETS! Experts tell us that having a pet can help reduce blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels, and improve heart health. Pets are also excellent, excellent, stress busters. You simply cannot feel stressed while petting a cat, walking a dog, or listening to a bird sing. Before we lost our adorable dog Wednesday to old (old, old, old, old) age, he and my husband had a routine. As soon as Michael got home from work, Wednesday would perk up – he always recognized the sound of his car and heard it from a mile away. Michael would put the leash on him as Wednesday wiggled around in circles of excitement. Then off they’d go on their walk.

It was the highlight of Wednesday’s day and it seemed to help the human walker release the stress of his work day. Who can feel stressed when connected to the other end of a leash is fur-covered happiness and joy?

Cats are just as magical when it comes to releasing stress. They’re so laid back and peaceful and live in a state of zen. It’s contagious! Since I work from home, I have access to my own personal little zen generators 24/7. In the picture at the top of the post, I was on the floor playing with Alexa after a pretty stressful day. I’d roll a ball underneath the love seat and she’d swat it back. At one point, I grabbed my camera and held onto the ball just to see what she’d do. As you can see, she peeked to see what the hold up was.

One look at her expression and it was like, “Stress? What stress?”

If you’re unable to have dogs or cats, don’t think for a minute that other pet options don’t exist! Hamsters, guinea pigs (“piggies“), fish, turtles, chinchillas, parakeets, and frogs would also love to help you deal with stress. A pet’s companionship, entertainment, and most of all love is just too precious to even put into words. They give so much more than they could ever possibly take.

To read more about stress triggers, click the link.

Filed Under: Health, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: how to cope with stress, pets, stress

Smiles, Dimples & Evil Clown Zombies

June 20, 2011 By Joi 2 Comments

Betcha Didn't See Those Coming

I’ve often wondered… if I could get one message across with my Self Help blog, what would I want it to be? In addition to raising everyone’s consciousness about the treatment of animals and children, I’d want most of all to help people find happiness. True, lasting happiness. The kind that you feel washing over you so abundantly that you find it difficult NOT to smile.

I was (as I often am) watching a baseball game a few nights and a favorite player and possibly the best the game has ever seen, Albert Pujols, hit a home run. He caught sight of one of his coaches as he rounded third and couldn’t help smiling. He approaches the game maturely and professionally, but he also enjoys the heck out of it, so smile he did.

“One filled with joy preaches without preaching”. – Mother Teresa

Smiles are beautiful things, aren’t they?

It occurred to me then, I HATE the thought of anyone not having a reason to smile. You’ve heard the saying, “He (or she) lights up a room when they smile.” right? Well I’ll let you in on a little secret, everyone lights up the room when they smile because smiles are beautiful. The beauty isn’t in the teeth – it’s in the joy.

You can be as happy as you want to be. You can be as fulfilled as you want to be. You can be as successful as you want to be. You don’t have to be lonely, sad, blue, overwhelmed, or angry. You’re at the wheel of your own life! Take control of your mind and you’ll take control of your life.

One way you can do this is to STOP saying negative things to yourself. When you engage in self-negative-talk, you’re creating a destructively negative environment. Below are some “trade offs” that’ll help:

When you’re alone, whether at home or in your car, instead of saying, “I’m lonely” and focusing on the sadness that would come with such a statement, say, “This is relaxing!” and focus on the peacefulness that comes with such a statement.
When your husband or boyfriend loses himself in a game (whether it’s golf, tennis, baseball, or video games), instead of saying things like, “He’s so immature,” focus on how glad you are that he’s healthy and young at heart! SO much better for your relationship. Bonus advice… and this one’s a deal maker… have your own interests and hobbies. Never, ever, ever rely on someone else to entertain or amuse you.
When you begin to berate your appearance, switch your focus immediately to your best trait. When I was growing up, I never had a problem with weight. Ever. Three children took care of that as well as my husband takes care of a cheeseburger. GONE! After my third daughter, for whatever reasons, I had t-r-o-u-b-l-e losing the “baby weight” and actually kept picking up more. I was in my mid-twenties and feeling very self-conscious about my weight. Even as a baby self-help diva, I realized that I needed to stop focusing on the hips (though they were becoming almost impossible NOT to focus on!) and focus instead on a trait I liked. So, whenever a thought like, “I’ll never get back into a size 8..” popped into my head I’d follow it up with, “But who cares, look at those dimples!“ I even stopped myself once in the middle of a self-destructive thought and said out loud, “Yep! I still have those dimples!“

We all have trials and tribulations roll into our lives. We have our share of valleys and sometimes those valleys seem to be haunted with evil clown zombies. But the simple truth is our attitude and our disposition will determine how deep the valley goes. What’s more, they know the secret passage out of the valley. Do I have to point out how important it is to keep them close at hand? Happiness is a secret power that can get you in and out of more places than fame and fortune combined.

Smiling when it’s the last thing you really want to do is an art, but it’s one that’ll serve you well. A funny thing happens when you smile, you trick your brain into thinking all’s well in Dodge. It’s as though your brain says, “Oh, a smile, things must be good!” Try it, it sounds odd, but it’s true. Of course, the effect is even sweeter if you can find a reason to laugh.

A final happiness tip: Watch out for things that are Happiness Zappers. A common culprit is the news. Even the commercials that tell you what’s coming up on the evening news can leave you feeling down all day! Thank God for mute buttons. Surround yourself with things that give you joy and make you smile. Everything else? Kick them to the curb.

Eden is that old-fashioned house we dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode until we drive away.
- Emily Dickinson

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: happiness, how to be happy

Are You Good, Bad, or Lingering Somewhere In Between?

May 10, 2009 By Joi Leave a Comment

Self Help Lesson with a Restaurant Rant

My husband and I ate at a restaurant in Evansville, Indiana last night – one we’ve never been to, and unless we develop amnesia, we’ll never go again.

On the plus side….

It was very clean. The restroom was downright charming.
It shares a name with one of my all-time favorite restaurants, an Amish restaurant in Washington, Indiana. When we ate there (frequently) quite a few years ago, this place was beyond fantastic. How this one even comes close to sharing its name is beyond me. The workers weren’t Amish, and I’m darned certain the cooks weren’t either. If they were, man oh man, are they backsliding.

The restaurant is buffet style, and my husband and I , literally, kept going back trying to find something that was good. We finally decided that the chicken was good. These people even messed up cocktail sauce (lumpy and didn’t look remotely like cocktail sauce), green beans, mashed potatoes, bbq ribs, and hash brown casserole. The dressing? Don’t want to even think about it, but I will say this – dressing wasn’t meant to be sucked through a straw. It had the consistency of applesauce, but didn’t taste anywhere near as good.

The mashed potatoes and green beans are what really perplexed me, though. When my husband nervously asked me how the potatoes were, I told him, “They’re neither bad nor good.” They reminded me of the Biblical passage where God instructs us to be either hot or cold. He says that He’d rather we be cold than lukewarm. After shoving the potatoes around the plate for 5 minutes, unsure of what to do with them (should I go ahead and eat them or relegate them to the heap of “I wouldn’t eat that if the only things on earth were it and a penguin’s uterus…” pile – along with the dressing, hash brown goo, and bbq ribs) – I understood the full meaning of this verse possibly for the first time.

Identification. If something is good – we know it’s good, we don’t have to pause to wonder why it isn’t as good as it should be… you know, figure out what’s missing, what isn’t quite right, etc. If something’s bad – we mark it with our AVOID marker and do just that. But if it’s neither good nor bad, it’s even worse – because we don’t quite know what to do with it. It actually wastes our time more than the bad stuff, because we can discard that pretty fast.

How do you and I measure up in the most important areas of our lives? Personally and professionally – are we good, bad, or somewhere in between? Hot, cold, or lukewarm? If you fear that you’re lukewarm in any given area, remind yourself that lukewarm is something people only look for in bath water.

The potatoes were lukewarm – caught somewhere between good and bad. If I could have spoken to the cooks, I would have encouraged them to use more potatoes next time (if in fact any potatoes were utilized), to season the potatoes, and to refrain from beating them to death. There are steps they could take to make them better, just as there are steps we can take to make ourselves better. Problem is, most people are perfectly okay with lukewarm. They figure that being “good enough” is, well, good enough.

For the next seven days, don’t focus your attention on what everyone else is or isn’t doing. Don’t ponder how they look, dress, behave, speak, or what they do or don’t do. Concentrate entirely on yourself. In each area, ask yourself if you’re GOOD, BAD, or SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN.

If you’re good – keep on keeping on. But please be sure there are others that would back up your assessment, don’t just take your word for it.
If you’re neither good nor bad - you have good news and bad news. You could be worse, but you could be better. You aren’t going to get better without some effort, however. If you get too comfortable with your bath water approach, you’ll eventually start sliding the wrong way. A lukewarm bath always cools off, it never warms up.
Are you afraid that you’re downright “bad” in a given area? You recognize it and I’m proud of you for that. You just accomplished something that most people NEVER accomplish – you acknowledge that you have room for improvement, and more likely than not you’ll blaze right past the comfy cozy lukewarmers on your way to greatness.

Something else about the restaurant that struck us as strange was the rudeness of the waitress. This was the first time we’ve ever had a server come take the tip right from the table while we’re still sitting there and remove our glasses of tea – glasses we were still drinking from! I told my husband, “We just got the bum’s rush.” It really doesn’t get much worse than being thrown out of a bad place.

If only she’d bounced us before we ate, as opposed to after the crime.

Filed Under: General, Must Reads, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: lukewarm, self improvement

How to Cope with Stress

October 21, 2008 By Joi 6 Comments

Even Small Changes Add Up

Stress As you probably know, I work from home. For over 12 years, my sole job was homeschooling and raising our three daughters. It didn’t pay, monetarily.

It paid much better than that.

The transition to working in a home-based web publishing and web design business proved a little tough at first. It was like some sort of culture shock. A whole new world. Truth be told, it can still be hard to discipline myself to sit at my desk and work when there are so many other cool things I could be doing. Or not doing.

However, I soon recognized a direct correlation between the number of hours I put in and how much money I have for “extras” in life. Extras put a song in my heart and a smile on my face, so I’ve gotten pretty good at logging in the necessary hours. Plus, it helps that I absolutely love to write, research, and build blogs, websites, and even better – online relationships.

However, a few months ago, around 3 pm, I got up from my work time to head into the kitchen and begin supper. I didn’t feel satisfied like I usually did – you know, the feeling you get after putting in a good, honest day’s work. Actually, I felt overwhelmed and mentally fatigued. All I could think about was the correspondence I didn’t get done, the links I didn’t have time to add, blog plugins that were being hateful, etc.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a one day thing. I noticed that I started feeling this way just about every single day. Also, instead of being eager to turn the computer on, round up my coffee, information, books, and so forth – I started walking past the computer and kind of snarling at it. One day, it was acting up and I thought something was horribly wrong with it – the smile faded when it responded to a reboot.

I think it was evening the score for the snarls.

I knew that something wasn’t quite right because I normally race, coffee cup in hand, to get my day started. I answer my e-mail, update sites that need to be updated, write my reviews, compose my posts and articles, make graphics, install plugins, read and research, etc – all with a big smile on my face and a fat cat on my desk.

I had a heart to heart with myself – not out loud, of course, the kids worry when I do that. I came to suspect that I’d overextended myself. I sat down with my to do lists for the past week and realized that I was trying to do WAY too much. I looked at the front of my planner and saw that I, at that time, had a total of 16 blogs and 22 websites. All of that on top of being mom, wife, cook, homemaker, and someone who vaguely remembered how fun past times were.

The very next day, I started weeding through my websites and blogs. I asked myself, “Which of these would I be devastated if they were gone tomorrow?” I realized that there were quite a few that, when I got to them on the list, I would answer, “Eh” or “I’d never miss it.” So, when tomorrow came, they were indeed gone. I got rid of 5 blogs and even more websites. They had come to “cost” me more than they “rewarded” me.

Almost immediately, the old feelings of enthusiasm returned – before and after the work day. My computer and I became kindred spirits again. The feelings of being overwhelmed and stretched like a rubber band went away.

Sometimes making small, seemingly insignificant moves can alleviate stress in surprising ways.

If you’re feeling stressed in any way, take a good, close look at your life. What areas are causing you stress? Find ways to alleviate any stress you can – remember, every little move helps.

Is your workload too heavy? If it is, lightening it will actually work out better in the long run. Being able to give MORE of yourself to FEWER projects results in better projects and a better you.
Do you worry too much about others? Even if it’s your own children, try to make yourself realize that they will make mistakes, just as you have done. What’s more, they’ll survive and learn from them, just as you have.
Is your house causing you a never-ending battle? Recruit help from other family members – don’t nag, that never looks attractive – just point out that you’re so busy lately that you’d appreciate it greatly if they’d help you out some. Then, when they do, praise their socks off! If you want results, you’ll get more with honey than with horseradish.
Try to set aside a little time each evening to just enjoy life. Take a few hours and do something that others might call “wasting time.” I love to kick back and watch tv with my family. It’s great to spend time with them and it’s a nice experience to just do nothing. Truth be told, sometimes I embrace nothingness like a long lost relative. If your first reaction is, “I can’t take 2 hours to just do nothing, I have to do this and I have to do that…” – then I have to tell you, you’re heading (and speeding to get there) for trouble. If you don’t have the signs of being stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, or temperamental yet – they’re just around the corner. Hopefully, you’ll change your course before that corner arrives.

It’s funny, isn’t it, that so many people think they can’t slow down. They seem to equate being busy as treading water and fear that if they slow down, they’ll go under.

In actuality, they’ll find that they have more time to swim.

Oddly enough, I think part of the problem lies within this quote about computers, “No matter how fast your computer system runs, you will eventually come to think of it as slow.” Our generation has become so accustomed to fast forward and has gotten so used to dancing to the “Git ‘r done” tune that many of us see slowing down as standing still. Needless to say, we need to adjust that thinking before it’s too late.

We’d hate to have that realization hit us one day with one arm in a blood pressure cup as the other gestures in a how-did-this-happen motion. It’d be even worse, in my opinion, to have it dawn on us one day when our child is reliving his or her childhood and we realize that we’d missed a big chunk of the scenery.

The time to slow down is today. Tomorrow will be brighter because of it.

Filed Under: General, Relationships, Self Help, Time Management, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: coping with feeling overwhelmed, coping with stress, feeling overwhelmed, handling stress, reducing stress, self help advice, self help article, self help blog, self help tips, stress reduction

Relaxation Techniques: Unwind and Enjoy Life

September 4, 2008 By Joi 4 Comments

How to Relax When Your World Refuses To

The Picture of Relaxation

Don’t you ever wish you could force some people to just RELAX? Primarily for their own good, of course, but for your’s as well since, frankly, they wear you out with all their fretting.

I’m lucky, because most of the time the people and pets in my household are, emotionally, mentally, and physically as relaxed as the kitten above.

Life will throw us a curve ball every now and then and we don’t resemble the chilled cat one little bit. Curve balls like poison ivy, my Dodge seeing what fresh hell it can come up with, illnesses, business kinks, my Starbucks closing before I needed it to, etc.

With the medical evidence pointing to the effect stress plays on our heart health, you’d think that we’d all find a way to relax more often. It’s not JUST our relationships that depend upon it, our very life does as well.

The problem is, we’re all trying to do too much these days. Everyone’s trying to make all the money they can while they can. The rat race is causing me to think we’d all be better off if we returned to a simpler way of life – you know, the one lived beneath our means rather than at it or above it.

I saw a man in Kroger today talking on the cellphone a mile a minute and bumping into anyone who dared to get in his busy, flusterd way. A cutie patootie of a lady (80sh, not more than 4′ 3″, with her hair all done up and wearing a very nice red rain jacket) walked past him and, loudly, told her grandson, “There’s a heart attack waiting to happen.” The boy AND the man both smiled and nodded.

When I left, I thought about several things: How sweet the lady’s grandson was being with her, how cute she was, and how much I miss my mom and mother in law (they were real pips themselves). I also wondered where she got the hot rain jacket.

Mostly, I wondered if overhearing her would make the human cannonball on the phone slow down. I wondered if he’d go home and put the phone down long enough to tell his wife about the hilarious little woman who called him out in the cereal aisle. As someone who genuinely loves everyone, I very much hope that her words will lodge somewhere in his mind and cause him to heed the warning life just granted him.

Relaxation 101: Take a Personal Inventory

To get an idea of how much relaxation you’re allowing into your life, ask yourself the following question:

Do little things seem to set me off?

Things like unfortunate stop lights, people who pull out in front of you, a restaurant messing up your order, your son’s girlfriend’s piercings, your son’s piercings, and so on are simply NOT worth the energy most people spend on them.

I’m sure you’ve seen people in restaurants pitching little tantrums because their order isn’t right. Not worth it. My beautiful middle daughter, Brittany, works in a department store in the mall. She tells me that I wouldn’t believe how angry people get when they have to leave the store at closing time. The store workers make three announcements before locking the doors, then they walk around making sure everyone has left. When they find stragglers and politely tell them that the doors are about to be locked, she says they always bite the worker’s heads off.

Heaven forbid the workers actually want to go home!

One evening, 10 minutes past the store’s closing time, she was walking around with a 17 year old male cashier. The young man told a lady (who didn’t have any bags OR merchandise) in her hands that the main door had been locked already, but that he could help her out a side door. The woman yelled at him and called him a “fat b******!” Seriously?

Because he offered to help her to a side door. 10 minutes past the time she should have been long gone.

She was obviously someone who, besides not having any class whatsoever, had no idea how to live a relaxed life. She’s one of the millions of people who keep allowing themselves to get more and more tightly wrapped, until the day comes that they make an utter fool out of themselves and make someone else pay for it.

If small things tend to bother you more than you know they should, you need to start TODAY learning how to relax.

A Few Relaxation Tips and Suggestions:

It may sound ridiculous, but just realizing that you need to relax will help you more than anything. If you were overly-wrapped like our sweetheart in the department store and thought the problem was everyone else, then I wouldn’t hold out much hope for you. But if you can honestly say, “I need to relax more!” – You’re on your way. The thing is, you need to remind yourself to relax every single day. Some days, it may take a couple dozen reminders.
Put something in a prominent place – a sticker, stuffed animal, picture of a loved one, etc. Basically something that makes you smile. Each time you look at it, let it serve as a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment. I have a stuffed polar bear on my desk that makes me smile whenever I look at him. A while back we had a problem with hackers on several of our sites and I got to the point I seldom took my eyes off of him.
Stop demanding so much from life and just enjoy it. It doesn’t take everything in the world to be happy – it just takes being happy and content with your own little world and what and who is in it.
Take about a dozen really deep breaths. I’m not sure why this helps to signal relaxation to our bodies, but it does. Unfortunately, most of us take rapid, shallow breaths. This type of breathing makes the rest of the body think we’re in a battle of some sort. Slowing our breathing down signals to it that all’s well. A funny thing about breathing, sometimes we’re actually holding our breath and don’t realize it. Become more aware of your breathing, and take it to new depths.
If you’re going through a stressful time, or if you feel overwhelmed at work, drink more water. This is something else we don’t do enough of. Our bodies actually require more water than we usually drink, and when we shortchange it, we suffer: Physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Make sure you’re getting enough rest. I don’t require a lot of sleep – I never have. However, when I go a few days with less sleep than my body wants, I sure FEEL it. Some people get cranky when they don’t get enough rest, I get weepy. I’ve been battling (and losing to) poison oak for a few weeks and sleep has been scarce. I realized it had taken it’s toll this morning when a picture of a baby monkey made me teary eyed! I took a nap.
Again, keep things in perspective. We blow so many things up that should be allowed to stay the tiny, insignificant little things they are. Sometimes it helps if you put yourself in someone else’s shoes. When the server doesn’t refill your drink as often as you want her/him to – imagine working on your feet 8 hours every day, earning very little pay, and (most frightening of all) having to deal with the public all day. Maybe it’ll make you smile and ask for another drink rather than stew and mentally deduct from the tip.
Play soothing music. If you have relaxation cds, play them to relax and wind down. If you don’t have any relaxing music in your collection, don’t fret – YouTube has plenty in their’s. Simply go to YouTube and search for Relaxing Music (or relaxing piano music, classical music, relaxation…). You’ll literally feel the stress leave your body!
Hang out with your pets. Our precious cats are more than just family, they’re built in relaxation magic. Simply petting a purring cat or a tail-wagging dog brings your whole body and mind to a calmer, happier, and more relaxed state.
Read a good book. Read the Bible, Emily Dickinson poetry, a historical novel, a biography, a National Geographic magazine, or even the comics in your newspaper – whatever floats your boat. When you slow down long enough to engage your mind in reading, your breathing slows down, your pulse slows down… in essence, your whole world slows down.

For your own health and happiness, as well as those around you – start practicing relaxation tactics immediately. Become an expert at catching yourself as soon as tension begins to build. Tell yourself, out loud, “This isn’t a big deal.” When we focus and focus on situations, we make them so big that they become like huge ogres in the car or room with us. But if we simply say, “Not worth it,” they suddenly shrink.

Relax! You’ll soon find yourself enjoying life a lot more. Life is for living and we should savor every moment. It’s a beautiful world if you’ll let it be.

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Self Help, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: how to handle stress, relax more, relaxation, relaxation techniques, self help blog, self help website, stress, stress tips, tips for relaxing

Three Choices Along Life’s Road That Determine the Whole Trip

April 29, 2008 By Joi 1 Comment

Choose Wisely, Grasshopper

Nicole Kidman ” I’m not sure what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’ “ – Nicole Kidman, after her split with Tom Cruise

I love that quote. I loved it the first time I read it, years ago when Nicole Kidman was putting her life back together after a devastating break up with Tom Cruise; and I love it just as much today when life finds the gorgeous actress blissfully in love and starting a family with country music star and fellow Aussie Keith Urban.

I guess there’s a lot to be said for keeping your head up and your eyes on the road ahead. You never know what (or who) is headed your way.

When bad things… things that are out of our control… happen to us we have choices to make. The choices we make will determine just how “bad” the “bad” will be AND just how much of our future it will touch.

These choices are pretty clear. We can either…

….get bitter or get better.

…..move forward or fall back.

…..learn from it or lean on it.

If you think of life as a long and winding road, disappointments and disasters can be thought of as anything that interferes with the ebb and flow of your trip. Just as a road trip can be affected by rain, road work, vehicular malfunctions, other drivers, and detours – life has plenty of bumps as well. Things that make you say, “This isn’t how I planned it!!”

Of course, in both instances, sometimes you simply lose your way. Times when you have to regroup, remind yourself where you want to go and then drive off into the sunset again – vowing to hit your mark this time!

The point is, there will be problems ahead and they’re not all bad. If nothing else, they keep things interesting and keep us on our toes. They can even, if we handle them properly, make us better – but if we allow ourselves to be overcome by them, they’ll make us bitter and angry, neither of which is very attractive. Sometimes, in the words of Nicole Kidman’s dad, we have to realize, “It is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.”

Stewing over situations doesn’t change them…it only changes us, and never for the better. Let it go and move on. Go forward, don’t stand still, and never, ever try to go back.

Not only should we choose better over bitter and forward over backward, we should pay extra attention to how we “play” the last choice as well. We have to make certain that we LEARN from disappointments rather than LEAN on them. They aren’t crutches or excuses – they’re lessons. They aren’t tickets excusing us from doing our best, they’re trumpets encouraging us to stand up and give our absolute best.

For more inspirational quotes, click the link! Sorry, there are no other pictures of Nicole Kidman there.

Filed Under: Articles, Daily Quote, General, Self Help, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: Self Help, self help advice, self help article, self help blog