Self Help and Personal Development

On the following pages, you’ll find inspiration, self help and personal development articles, inspirational quotes, help with building your self confidence, and, most important of all, how to be happy. Self growth isn’t a destination, it’s a journey; it’s our sincerest hope that you’ll find something within these articles to help you along your journey.

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Dancing in the Rain: A Great Quote About Life

Definitely One of My Favorites... Ah, the Imagery!

by joi

in Daily Quote, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain!This life quote is one worth memorizing!  Some people think they can only be happy when the sun’s out, when the kids are behaving perfectly, when the spouse is saying all the right things, when the cat’s feeling cuddly, and when money’s in the bank. The bad thing is, they don’t end up smiling nearly as much as they scowl.  Expecting things to be perfectly agreeable all the time’s like expecting the sun to shine every day of the year.

The trick is to learn to accept the bad days as well as the good – and to not only accept them, but delight in them.

I’m not perfect (far from it). If you ever saw me try to budget money (or calories), drive in the dark, or carry a tune you’d give me a hearty amen right about now.  However, this dancing in the rain thing? I own it.  I’m an expert at finding “my happy place,” so much so that most of the time people around me don’t even know when I’m burdened with something.  “Well, she’s smiling, dancing and chit-chatting – all must be perfect in her world.”

Once (about 459 years ago), when I was in my twenties – my mom asked me how I kept from allowing a certain family (health) situation to “get to” me.  I told her that it had definitely gotten to me, I just wasn’t letting my face know about it.   After all, I had three little girls – and everyone knows how perceptive these little creatures are.  So the heart was heavy but the feet did all they could to stay light.

When the world seems unreasonable and even ridiculous, do all you can to rise above it.  Think of these storms as your mortal enemies, then catch them off guard and DANCE. They won’t be expecting that.  Advantage: YOU.

Dance On!Dance on!

Expectations, Bar Setting, and Baseball Fields

How Wild Are Your Expectations?

by joi

in Self Improvement

Quote About ExpectationsMy husband and I are regular gad-abouts on Saturdays.  (You know I don’t believe I’ve ever written or typed out the word gad-abouts in my entire life… and it’s such a cool-ish word.)  Anyway, rarely do we ever just sit still – even during the height of mowing season, Michael always leaves time in his Saturday for our little road trips.

On a recent Saturday we… how do I put this kindly… came across bonehead after bonehead.  A man who had no idea how the car wash worked, a woman driver who gave the rest of us a horrible name, etc. They just kept piling up. As we talked about how SO many people seem to struggle these days with simple (and I mean simple) functions, we batted around reason after reason…

  • Television
  • School Systems
  • Internet
  • Washington (you have to always give them at least a look when searching for a place to toss blame)
  • Diet

Oh, yeah, we picked up every conceivable rock looking for the “answer.”  After a while, we put the loonies out of our mind and settled in to listen to a baseball game on the radio – a favorite pastime.  The previous subject was completely out of our minds as Michael drove around the streets where he grew up – his old stomping grounds.  He pulled up to a school and began pointing out the things that were different.  To the side was a baseball field.  He remarked that the only thing different was the fact that they’d moved the fence in… “way in.”

He gestured to the place where the fence was when he played. He was right, they had moved it “way in.”

As we drove off, everything kind of came together in my brain.  When a fence is placed on a baseball field – it’s put at a distance to mark “expected” home runs.  It’s a goal for every batter who steps to the plate. We all have expectations and goals in our lives, whether we’re on a baseball field or not. Part of the problems we face today may be the fruits of too many fences moved in.  The majority of people, today, seem to think of “good enough” the way people once thought of “excellence.”

And it shows.

Schools lower test score requirements, parents lower standards, managers lower expectations, and the government tries to place everything on the bottom shelf.  Everyone seems afraid of over-expecting anything from anyone. They think that expecting LESS will cause people to succeed by making them feel good about themselves.  After all, we can’t have people getting down on themselves, right?  Problem is, when you expect LESS, you get LESS.

Conversely, when you expect MORE from people, very often they reach further than they ever thought possible.  Lowering your expectations so others can meet them sounds like the punchline to a bad joke.

We’ve become experts at lowering our expectations to MEET other’s (or our own) performance.  We’ve become proficient in saying things like, “It doesn’t matter if you messed up. Tomorrow’s another day. Let’s be happy!” Michael got off the phone with our internet provider a few nights ago and said that the man admitted to making a mistake – and he laughed about it as he owned up to it!  Failure has become, not just acceptable, but entertaining.  Wow.

“High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation.” – Charles F. Kettering

If the fence on the baseball field had stayed at its original position, the bats would have kept swinging – but the batters would have been swinging harder.  Kids today are made the same way they were years ago… what makes them any less capable of hitting the ball as far as their fathers and grandfathers did?

It isn’t fair to look at them and say, “Less is expected of you.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic relationship, a parent-child relationship, a work-related relationship, or the relationship you have with the person in the mirror – never, ever, ever lower your expectations.    Think of your “bar of expectation” as a fence on a baseball field. Keep it where it is, or even move it even further from you. Never make things “too” easy on anyone, including yourself. Character isn’t built when things are too easy. And character is something we’re sorely lacking these days.

Keep your expectations where they are and swing for the fences!

Ha!

The TRUE Opposite of Boldness

It Isn't What You Think!

by joi

in Make a Difference, Self Awareness, Vintage Self Help Daily

Be bold! Stand out!

In the Bible, there’s a passage that used to bumfuzzle me.  When I was much younger, I even wanted to ask my preacher about it.  I didn’t because I didn’t want to seem, at best, a simple little dummy or, at worst, a Hell-bound little heathen. I’m certain I’m neither, so I just decided to figure it out for myself.

The passage basically says that it’s better to be cold or hot than to be lukewarm. To my young mind, I was certain the Bible had gotten it twisted. After all, wouldn’t it be better to be at least a little warm than to be altogether cold?  Time and life experience have taught me that, OF COURSE, the Bible was right.

When I came home from the store this morning, one of our outside cats (Hannah) was standing in the middle of the driveway.  Naturally, I had to wait (while finishing off my breakfast sandwich and black coffee from Burger King) as she decided which way she intended to go – toward her favorite patio chair on the carport or toward a sunny spot in the yard with her name on it.  It didn’t take long (I timed it right around two bites and four sips) for her to realize her chair just didn’t look quite right without her.

Hannah, in the middle of the driveway is like a lukewarm person.  You almost want to yell, “Pick a side!”  But I never yell at cats, so that’s out.

It sort of comes down to two things:

  • If we’re right, we should always stand up for our beliefs. Head up, chest out, feet firm. Move us if you dare.
  • If we’re wrong, we should always stand up for our beliefs. Head up, chest out, feet firm. Move us if you dare.

Someone once told me they “hated” certain men and women who go door to door with little books.  Although I don’t personally agree with their literature, I have no ill-will toward them.  In fact, many years ago I invited a few of these women into my living room for what turned out to be a very interesting conversation. When I told them I wasn’t interested in reading their little books, one of them (the lead, I presume) asked if I’d listen to her for a few minutes. I told her I would if she’d return the favor. We talked and debated for 45 minutes.   The lead did all of their talking -with the younger woman looking back and forth between both of us.   The older lady had a huge Russian-style hat on and at one point I told her that a certain point I was making was as obvious as the hat on her head.   The younger woman burst out laughing. They retreated. My daughters applauded. I bowed.

I don’t hate these people. Far from it. In fact, can I let you in on a little secret? I admire their conviction, their determination, and.. yes… their bravery.

What if those of us who have strong convictions of our own…..

  • Fighting child abuse
  • Trying to end childhood diseases
  • Protecting wildlife
  • Believing that prayer, the Bible, and the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag should have NEVER been taken out of schools

….. were just as determined, passionate, and brave?  What if we didn’t stand in the middle of the road – afraid to say what we really think (not giving two shakes about what people would think) but picked our side and defied an army to move us?!  Then the noisy, misguided minority would never win another battle.

Don’t quote me on an school exam, but meekness is not the opposite of boldness.  Middle-ness is.  As Charles Krauthammer said,  Middleness is the very enemy of the bold.

Below are some of my favorite quotes about standing up for what you believe in, whether it’s a political hot topic or a favorite patio chair.

When something important is going on, silence is a lie. – A.M. Rosenthal

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. – Margaret Thatcher

A man’s judgment is best when he can forget himself and any reputation he may have acquired and can concentrate wholly on making the right decisions. – Adm. Raymond A. Spruance

You can lean over backward so far that you fall flat on your face. – Ben H. Bagdikian

He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck. – H. Hert

The main discomfort in being a middle-of-the-roader is that you get sideswiped by partisans going in both directions. – Sydney J. Harris

You’ve got to stand for somethin’ or you’re gonna fall for anything. – John Mellencamp

A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be.  Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice. – Thomas Paine

He that always gives way to others will end in having no principles of his own. – Aesop

It’s important that people should know what you stand for.  It’s equally important that they know what you won’t stand for. – Mary H. Waldrip

Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.  – Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof. – James Russell Lowell

A good resolution is like an old horse which is often saddled but rarely ridden. – Mexican Proverb

Never give in – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – except to convictions of honor and good sense. – Winston Churchill

Photo Credit: Silhouette of the Person

Very, Very Special Gift Idea for Mom

Make this a Mother's Day Neither of You'll Forget

by joi

in Make a Difference, Relationships

A Community Garden

I have been meaning to post about this for about a week now – but with the week I’ve had, I’ve had to write notes on Post Its that say, “Breathe.”  Occasionally I see the reminder and breathe.

When I have time.

But as I’ve always said, when we’re our busiest, we should be our happiest.  Grateful to be alive and healthy enough to be busy and thankful to have things to keep us busy.  Even when it’s ridiculously busy.

Breathe.

Mother’s Day is just around the proverbial corner and you’re probably thinking about gifts for one of the most special people in your life right about now.   I hope you’ll read the information below (and visit the links of interest) and take the opportunity to touch your mother’s life as you also touch other lives.

Mom wouldn’t have it any other way.

You can give your mother something she’ll treasure as you help those who need it most. The Community Garden Rescue Gift is spot-on for the mom with a green thumb, for example, and the Emergency Food for Children Rescue Gift is a beautiful way to thank the mom who always kept her kids well-fed and nourished.

This Mother’s Day, family and friends can delight the moms in their lives with a gift that gets to the heart of motherhood – a Rescue Gift.

Rescue Gifts like Emergency Food for Children ($68), a Community Garden ($60), and a Flock of Chickens ($30) are symbolic gifts that represent – and support – the very real work of the International Rescue Committee (IRC). The IRC protects and empowers mothers and their families whose lives have been disrupted and uprooted by conflict or natural disaster around the world. Gift-givers can choose the Rescue Gift with the most meaning for their mother – including several with a food focus – and dedicate it in her honor. We send gift recipients a beautiful personalized print or digital card to let them know how their Rescue Gift contributes to vital supplies and services for vulnerable people struggling to endure.

Plus, shoppers who spend $75 or more will receive a stylish “Rescue” T-shirt designed and donated by Threads 4 Thought, or they can opt to have it sent as a gift.

“The Walking Dead” star, IRC Voice and proud mom Sarah Wayne Callies is endorsing Rescue Gifts and giving Maternal Health Care ($52) this Mother’s Day. Following a recent trip to see the IRC at work in Ban Mai Nai Soi, a refugee camp along the Thai/Myanmar border, she said,

“I had my child with a midwife and I could not see any difference in the quality and the thoroughness of the care the women were getting at Ban Mai Nai Soi and the quality and thoroughness of the care I received … Even the little scale they were using to weigh the babies was exactly the same scale my midwife brought to my house, stuck my kid in, and hung up. It was amazing to see.”

While flowers wilt and chocolates melt, “Rescue Gifts” have a lasting impact and are perfect for:

The socially conscious giver or receiver: Rescue Gifts make a real difference for people in need.

The eco-conscious giver or receiver: Rescue Gifts have a minimal carbon footprint and there’s no need to worry about wrapping paper.

The financially prudent shopper:  Rescue Gifts offer real value at every price point, from Mosquito Nets ($18) to Community Health Worker Training ($335).

The last-minute shopper: E-Cards for Rescue Gifts bought on Mother’s Day can be delivered right away.

About the International Rescue Committee: A global leader in humanitarian assistance since 1933, the International Rescue Committee works in more than 40 countries offering help and hope to refugees and others uprooted by disaster, conflict and oppression. During crises, IRC teams provide health care, shelter, clean water, sanitation, learning programs for children and special aid for women. As emergencies subside, the IRC stays to revive livelihoods and help shattered communities recover and rebuild. The IRC also helps resettle refugees given sanctuary in the United States. A tireless advocate for the most vulnerable, the IRC is committed to restoring hope, dignity and opportunity. For more information visit www.rescue.org.

Empty Nest Syndrome: Do More than Just Cope

There's Coping... then There's Cavorting!

by joi

in How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Problem Solving

Bird WatchingIf you’re looking for a new hobby, nothing – absolutely nothing – beats birdwatching.

This is interesting. At least it’s interesting to me. Women tend to prepare and brace themselves for Empty Nest Syndrome years before the last bird has left the nest. I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be two or three “back and forths” into an e-mail relationship when it turns out that the very sad mom I’m talking to still has at least one child at home.  The last time it happened, I tried to wrap myself around the fact and I think the explanation is simple: The relationship between mothers and their children is a very intimate one. You can’t spend the majority of your life nurturing, protecting, and caring for a cherished little person without developing a bond that’s stronger than any single member of the justice league.

Because of this bond, a mother knows the pain and sadness that she will experience when “the day” comes.  That’s what most of us call it, isn’t it? The DAY.   Boom-Boom-BOOM- BOOM (accompanying doomsday music).

It’s sort of like bracing yourself for a flu shot.  You focus so much thought and energy on the needle that, before you know it, that thing is 3 feet long.  You grimace and tighten your arm because a 3 foot needle is going to hurt like the dickens of all dickens.  The problem is, bracing for it makes the pain that much worse.

I’m sure you see where this one’s heading. I’m about as subtle as a 3 foot needle.

When we focus all of our thoughts on “emptiness,” it won’t be long before our room, home, car, or even the very world we live in seem as vacant, quiet, and deserted as a school’s playground in July.

Focus, instead, on what IS – not what ISN’T, and certainly not what you fear will be missing down the road.  Remember the 3 foot needle. If you still have children in your home, begin to fill your life, home, and yard with so much that the thought of “emptiness” never crosses your mind. If your nest is already empty (or in the process of emptying!), you haven’t any time to waste, begin filling it immediately.

Even when my husband’s at work and all the beloved young people we love so much aren’t in the house, I never, ever feel alone.

For example, right now I’m the only human in the house.  But alone? Far from it.  I have two cats sleeping by the back door, one in a chair basking in the sun, and one lying on the desk right in front of me (I have to move her tail out of my way like a billion times a minute… a billion and one).   My front yard is filled with birds, oblivious to the chubby sleeping cat two feet away. I put bird seed on the windowsill by my desk, so I have the constant companionship of doves, goldfinches, sparrows, and cardinals.

A squirrel was at his corn station for about an hour and has now ascended to the top of his favorite tree.

Lonely? Far from it!

The only things I’m thinking about at the moment are:

  • Watching the NFL Draft later today.
  • Baking a cake.
  • Getting more birdseed at the store (doves eat more than any teenage boy ever thought about eating)
  • Updating 3 more websites.
  • Swamp People is on tonight! Choooot!

Someone who read about how I used to walk every day with a few of my daughters asked me if we still went for our walks and talks. I told her that it had dwindled to a few days a week when we could all walk together. She asked what in the world I did without daily “walks and talks.”  I told her, “Silly goose, I still walk and I still talk every day.  The only difference is now I’m always right!”

Chaos vs Calm

I think a lot of people (men and women) have trouble rolling with the flow of life. In my opinion, there are different stages of life and to truly enjoy each one, you have to embrace it.   Not just accept it, not just hug it… you have to wrap your arms around it and squeeze it like it’s a long lost pet.

When our children are little – even teenagers – we’re at an age and place in life where we “fit” the situation.  We’re up to the task! As years go by, we enter the years when we have the luxury of being able to slow down a little. Make no mistake about it, these years don’t mark old age.  40s, 50s, and 60s are far from old age – especially these days. Today they’re like 30s, 40s, and 50s.  What a wonderful age in which we live.

To try to illustrate my point, I’ll use a popular (and outstanding) tv series: Parenthood.  My youngest daughter Stephany and her boyfriend got me seasons of Parenthood for Christmas. Every now and then, on my lunch break, I’ll pop an episode in and my cat and I laugh, cry, and thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

Zeek and Camille Braverman, played by eternal hotties Crag T. Nelson and Bonnie Bedelia (Ha!  My spell-check wants hotties to either be “potties” or “hogties.” To heck with it I’m sticking with hotties. Bonnie Bedelia is not an eternal potty, nor is Craig T. Nelson a hogtie  no matter what my software says.).  Zeek and Camille have grown children who have children of their own.  During just about every episode I’m struck by the stark contrasts between chaos and calm.  You’ll have a scene of one of the adult kids rushing to work while dropping off a small child at school… all while battling the dramas of each.  Then it’ll cut to a scene of  Camille cutting flowers in her garden.

Chaos…. Calm.

You’ll watch as a tense scene unfolds between one of the grown children and her teenage children (cue that doomsday music again!). Drugs, boys, girls, parties… Then it’ll cut to a scene of Zeek in his kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.

Chaos…. Calm.

I happen to be at a place in my life (even if the 40s of today are yesterday’s 30s) when the calm looks infinitely more attractive to me. Infinitely.  Is there a word that means infinitely x 2,000? If there is, insert it here.

If you are currently circumnavigating an empty nest or your children are approaching the age where you see it on the horizon, I’m here to tell you that your world will only be as empty as you allow it to become.  Fill your time with hobbies, pets, trips, passions, interests, and pastimes.  DO NOT focus on what’s missing, focus on what’s there right in front of you.  Remember, calm isn’t such a bad thing and quiet is probably the most underrated word in the entire dictionary.

Find things that make you excited to get out of bed in the morning. If you can’t think of anything that has that effect on you at the moment, it’s simply because you haven’t found it yet. Keep looking! One of the secrets to being happy is surrounding yourself with things that make you smile.

Now if you’ll excuse me. That cake isn’t going to make itself and God knows the birds aren’t going to feed themselves.

A Few Thoughts About Life and Happiness

Pretty Lofty for a Monday, Huh?

by joi

in How to Be Happy, Positive Thought

Quote About Gratitude

What a wonderful life I’ve had!  I only wish I’d realized it sooner.  – Colette

This morning, it fell upon me to wake up my youngest daughter (Stephany) for a dentist appointment. Why, you may ask, would this be such a terrifying prospect?

  1. Steph hates for her sleep to be disturbed.
  2. Steph hates mornings.
  3. Steph hates, hates, hates dentists.

When the time came for me to awaken the diminutive terror, I was in the middle of a Twitter Direct Message conversation with my oldest daughter (Emily). I told her, “I just knocked on her bedroom door and yelled ‘STEPH!’ It won’t be long now….. I’ve lived a good life.”

Though it was all in fun, I did get a lump in my throat when the bedroom door opened. I could hear eerie, prophetic music as my own horror scene played out.

Later, I began thinking about the phrase, “… a good life.”  As I thought over my life, with a procession of beautiful, much loved faces (humans, cats, dogs, birds…) filling my thoughts, I realized that “a good life” doesn’t even come close.  It’s been… and is, since Steph has seen fit to allow me to live…. an extraordinary life.  A life that has been such an adventuresome, amazingly fun  joy ride that I’m left pondering only one question, “Why have I ever complained… about anything?”

At the risk of blowing sunshine up your butt (not that I’m above that sort of thing),  I think we should often pause  to think about how amazing our life is. Why not daily?!

When my phrase, said in jest, made me think about my wonderful life and all of my loved ones – it sort of set the tone for my entire day.  What a way to begin your day! Every now and then I think we all need to remind ourselves of how much we love our life. Fall a little more in love with it each day.

When all’s said and done, never (ever, ever, ever, ever) let it be said that you took your life, or anyone in your life for granted.

Focusing on the positive things in life, your loved ones, and your blessings is the golden key to happiness.  We all have things we wish were different, but focusing our thoughts and energies on them is a recipe for disaster.  For example, yesterday I was setting our dining room table for our Easter meal. I have to say, it looked more colorful than any flower garden I’ve ever seen.  I couldn’t help thinking how much I wished we had a new (can you say BIGGER) dining room table and a few more chairs.  Our family of five has grown, thanks be to God, and happens to include a bunch of arms and legs! As the house filled with the aromas of freshly baked yeast rolls and ham, I sort of kicked myself for not doing something about this table and chairs situation by now.  After all, I promised myself last Christmas I’d take care of it by the next holiday.

Ah, the best laid plans…

Funny thing, though, once the ten of us were gathered around the small table (and had rolled in two computer chairs), I didn’t see a little table when I looked around the room. I just saw people who make my very world go around and my heart skip a beat.  It was one of the best holidays we’ve ever had – table be danged.

A lot of happiness has to do with where you look – where you allow your eyes to rest.  We’re faced with this decision every single day. We can look at what we think is “missing” or isn’t quite “perfect,” or we can zero in on the beautiful things we wouldn’t change for anything in the world.  When in doubt, always go with the one that’ll leave you smiling.

Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.  – William Faulkner

Tap Into Your Best With Just an Hour a Day

Is an Hour a Day the Only Thing in Your Way?

by joi

in Problem Solving, Self Improvement

There is but an hour a day between a good housewife and a bad one. - Proverb

I’ve always had a fascination with Chinese Proverbs.  Actually, all proverbs – Irish, English, Spanish… I don’t care where the proverb came from as much as I care where it can take me.   For someone as long winded as I am, the art of communicating what’s basically a life lesson within one sentence is mind-bogglingly delicious.  Sometimes it’s fun to just sit with a proverb for a few minutes and let it sink in.  The proverb can, on the surface, talk about ants, wolves, or housewives – but, if you dig a little deeper, you’ll see that it’s meaning is relevant to each and every one of us.

Even if we aren’t ants.

One of my favorite proverbs has been described as a “Chinese Proverb” in some places. However, most of the time it’s referred to as an English Proverb.  Again, it’s origin really isn’t that important.  What IS important is the fact that, within15 words, it sums up what hundreds of self help and self improvement books try to drive home.

There is but an hour a day between a good housewife and a bad one.

You can replace housewife with any occupation, vocation, hobby, or title you can think of.   For me, personally, I see the beauty of this proverb as it relates to writing, building websites, and graphic art.  The more time you spend doing something, the better you become.  You can’t possibly expect to become proficient in an area you seldom visit.

The main lesson is, of course the fact that if you want to be good at what you do, you have to spend time with your craft.  However, personally, I think the KEY lies within a three letter word…. d-a-y.  You have to spend time with your craft or vocation daily if you expect to tap into your absolute best. Once a week or even twice a week simply will not yield the same results.

Is there any area of your life in which you’d like to improve?  (Cooking, blogging, writing, fitness….) Dedicate an hour each day and prepare to amaze yourself.

Self Growth: Are You Going Through Life or Are You Growing Through Life

Quotes and Thoughts about Expanding Your World

by joi

in Positive Thought, Self Improvement

Zig Ziglar quote about growth

My mom had a spot in her home where she “marked” my daughter’s (her granddaughter’s) height.  She got such an enormous kick out of charting their growth.  After each “marking” she’d say something or another than usually included the words “leaps and bounds.”

I have to admit, it was pretty fascinating to see the distance between the marks in the wood.  Given the fact that we saw the girl’s everyday, the physical growth wasn’t really noticed. Not until it was time for new shoes or clothes, anyway.

Physical growth is something we don’t have to think about. Anyone who tries to keep kids in shoes or their hips in Levi’s understand that.  It most definitely happens, whether you will it to or not.

Other growth (mental, physical, emotional)? Not so much.  If we want to GROW in any of these areas, we have to get off of our backsides and work. Which would help with the Levi’s, but that’s another subject.  The point is: while physical growth comes easily, the others do not.

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow. – Ronald E. Osborn

Very often we get into the habit of shunning new experiences and far too often we give a polite, “No thank you,” to invitations to step out of our comfort zone. The problem is, this is where REAL growth occurs. I’ll give an example, using my husband.

Like most young husbands and fathers, he worked a variety of jobs after the Air Force. With a wife and three little girls, he put in long hours at factories as well as other jobs.  They paid well and he seemed determined to out work his pay.  He had a great reputation for being a very hard, conscientious worker – with a work ethic second to none.  He even attained a managerial position in a plant – so he got to ride other people for their work ethic! The pay was outstanding, as were the benefits. However, he was seldom home.

If he’d kept up that pace, HE would have definitely noticed his daughter’s “leaps and bounds” growth, and never seen it coming.

An opportunity for a sales position came open. He was really excited about the prospect of a new career. Not only was it a personal challenge, he’d actually be able to see his wife, daughters, and cats!  I was nervous about him applying for a position in which he had zero experience, but I wasn’t about to dampen his enthusiasm.  Even though I knew he’d be up against men and women with years of experience, I bit my tongue and became cheerleader to his quarterback.  Rah, rah, go get ‘em champ!

He got the job.

His first, of many, stellar sales was himself.  While I was thrilled for him, half of me wanted to ask his new employers, “The boy’s never sold anything in his life. What makes you think he can make money for you?”

He wound up with the best sales the company ever saw and it wasn’t long before he found himself pretty much in a bidding war. Everyone wanted him on their team.  He grew into his career. By leaps and bounds.

All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. – Henry Miller

Expand Your World

In Speaker’s Sourcebook II, a wonderful analogy is given using fish:  A favorite fish of many hobbyists is the Japanese carp, commonly known as the koi.  The fascinating thing about the koi is that if you keep it in a small fish bowl, it will only grow to be two or three inches long. Place the koi in a larger tank or small pond and it will reach six to ten inches.  Put it in a large pond and it may get as long as a foot and a half.  However, when placed in a huge lake where it can really stretch out, it has the potential to reach sizes up to three feet.

The analogy obvious: Like koi, our growth is determined by the size of our world.  More specifically, by the experiences we subject ourselves to.  If we watch the same type of shows, read the same type of books, and go to the same places – how can we expect to grow beyond what we already are?

We’ll grow when we expose ourselves to more experiences.  Don’t get locked into the same routines. Mix it up!

Do something every day that you don’t want to do. – Mark Twain

If you want more from life, ask for it. Demand it. Expand your world and you’ll open up new avenues for success in whichever direction you want to grow. No one really and truly limits our world as much as we do, ourselves. Break down these limits and see what lies beyond the horizon.

J.C. Penney (who I love for more reasons than his quote!) said it this way: No one need live a minute longer as his is, because the creator endowed us with the ability to change ourselves.

He who is silent is forgotten; he who does not advance falls back; he who stops is overwhelmed, out distanced, crushed; he who ceases to grow becomes smaller; he who leaves off, gives up; the condition of standing still is the beginning of the end. – Henri Frederic Amiel

What could you potentially be missing out on?! You know what you have to do.  Now get growing!

We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are. – Max De Pree

Why We Should Carefully Watch Our Words

Does the Word Boomerang Mean Anything to You?

by joi

in Positive Thought, Relationships, Self Awareness

Speak no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil monkeys!

Deliberate much before you say and do anything; for it will not be in your power to recall what is said or done. -Epictetus

Have you ever said something and instantly wished you could grab the words by the tail and eat them.  Or, better yet, go back in time and never let the words out in the first place?  Since we’re all human (unlike the trio above), we’ve all been there. It’s a downright sickening feeling when words come out of your mouth and you can’t do anything about it other than stand in the ruins.

Fortunately, for me as well as those who have to listen to me, I’m one of those people who almost always lines my words up and quickly examines them before they come out of my mouth. This practice came about because of something I called “mommy speak.”  I was a “stay at home” mom to our three beautiful little girls. As you may know, I home-schooled each of our daughters all the way from Kindergarten to 12th grade.  That’s a lot of time spent with little people!  I quickly realized that the way I related with my girls might not be appropriate with an older crowd, so I got into the habit of examining my words before allowing them to make an appearance.

I lived in fear of telling a perfect stranger to brush her hair before someone thought she was a cave girl, or telling my husband to eat all of his vegetables if he expected any chocolate cake. While playing a board game with adults once, I was bumfuzzled when none of them knew who snuffleupagus was.  I thought, Seriously, don’t these people watch tv? I instantly wished I’d used chocolate or an UPS truck to indicate brown – but to me, Big Bird’s buddy was synonymous with brown.

Mommy speak.

I’ve heard enough people (politicians excel at it) open their mouth, THEN examine their words.   Most people simply need to get into the practice of interrogating their words before allowing them out of the confines of their mouth.

Before inmates are released from prison, they have to face such an interrogation.  Given the fact that words can do as much damage as a convict who’s on top of his game, it’s obvious they need to face similar inspection.  A few things to ask yourself before the words come flying out:

  • Will this hurt someone’s feeling?  Some people seem to forget that people have feelings.  Just because the speaker may be hardened, doesn’t mean everyone else is.  No one deserves to have another person tear them down with words. It’s called bullying and it isn’t the least bit attractive. Even small children have feelings and unkind words can shatter them like glass.
  • Am I speaking out of anger? Speaking under the influence of anger is as dangerous as driving under the influence of alcohol.  Take deep breaths, calm down, then speak. It’s best for everyone, including yourself.
  • Are these words for ME or THEM? Most of the time, the things we say are self-serving.  A father will call his daughter’s boyfriend names to make himself feel good. He isn’t thinking of the young man, his daughter, or the rest of the family. He’s thinking of himself.  His words make everyone uneasy, but none of them truly matter. He’s only thinking of himself.
  • Will any good come from this? If nothing GOOD or positive will come from your words, why not just keep them to yourself?

It’s worth mentioning a special word to parents.  I never cease to be amazed by how much my daughters actually remember about their childhood. Sometimes one of them will be walking or having lunch, and they’ll come up with a memory from what seems like a lifetime ago!  Thanks be to God that they’re almost always positive, happy memories.  The point is, kids have excellent memories and the things you say to them (even in anger) STAY with them.  If you have children at home, make certain you’re giving them words you’ll want to revisit them time and time again.  Because they will.

Young parents go through A LOT of crazy things in life. Many times there are job changes, moves, family drama, and so on. Just remember, don’t take it out on your children. One day, they may be all you have.  Say words to them today that you’ll WANT them to repeat to you one day.  Even when disciplining them, do it with love and remain calm. As adults, they’ll respect that.

Whether it’s with children or other adults, watch your words because they’re very much like boomerangs.  They’ll come back to you and their sense of direction couldn’t be more accurate.

The Root of the Problem:

The reason people say things that’d be better left unsaid has more to do with their brain than their mouth or even their temper.  People who use words as bullets generally do so because their thoughts lead them to it.

No one’s good enough to suit them, no restaurant’s up to their standards, etc. If their thoughts were a tv station it’d be ONTH: Only Negative Thoughts Here!

Every word out of our mouth has a source of origin. This source is thought.

Guard your thoughts and, in turn, you’ll guard your words.

The Scary Diabetes Epidemic

Things We Can Do to Prevent Diabetes

by joi

in Fitness, Health

SaladEating healthy is a huge step in diabetes prevention.

According to the World Health Organization, there are about 346 million people worldwide with diabetes. If you think that’s alarming (and it is), make sure you’re sitting down before you read this next line: The International Diabetes Federation predicts that at least one in 10 adults could have diabetes by 2030, an estimated 552 million people.

If you’ve ever seen diabetes up close and personal, you know that it’s one brutal disease. I know you’re as anxious as I am to keep this monster out of your closet. The good news is that there ARE things we can do to lessen our odds of getting diabetes. With the estimates we just talked about, I’d say the time to start doing all we can do  is NOW and the time to stop doing all that we can is NEVER.

The American Diabetes Association Recommends the following steps to prevent diabetes:

  • Get active and stay active. Add more activity to your daily routine. If you have a sedentary job, make it a point to frequently stand and take walks. Stretch, lift weights, or just walk in place. Another great way to make sure you’re getting enough activity is to wear a pedometer. Aim for at least 10,000 steps a day. Being active doesn’t necessarily mean jogging or trips to the gym. It simply means getting that body moving – OFTEN!
  • Eat healthy foods.  Lay off the sugar and fried foods. Eat more (as in a lot more!) fruits and vegetables. If choosing healthy meals is a problem for you, you might want to register for MyFoodAdvisor. This freeonline resource provides you with new recipes, cooking tips, and a meal plan each month.
  • Maintain a healthy weight. If your current weight isn’t within a healthy range, move Heaven and earth to get it there.

One of the best weapons against diabetes is common sense.  We all know the foods that we should avoid and we know the foods we should eat more frequently. It’s time to stop messing around and get serious about this.

Before it’s too late.

More Dietary Guidelines for Eating Healthy:

  • Eat more meals at home.
  • Make fast food drive thrus a thing of the past.
  • Eat more salads – but lay off of the fattening dressings.
  • Make fruit your “go to” snack.
  • See Dr. Oz’s Anti-Diabetes Drink
  • Choose whole grains. Whole grains contain more fiber which not only help you feel fuller faster – they also keep blood sugar levels more stable. According to Bob Greene, “When you eat foods made with refined grain, like white bread or corn flake cereal, the glucose is absorbed into the bloodstream very quickly. On the other hand, whole grains take longer for the body to break down, so you get a much slower and less severe blood sugar spike. Start replacing your regular white bread and crackers with whole-grain versions, and trade in white rice for brown rice. Pasta is an exception; because of the way it’s made, even regular pasta promotes a relatively slow rise in blood sugar compared to other foods made with refined grains. Whole-wheat pasta is even easier on blood sugar. If you’re not a fan, try Barilla Whole Grain, which at 51 percent whole grain gives you some of the benefits but not the gritty taste, or Barilla PLUS, which has added fiber and protein. The meal plans in the book feature a number of tasty ways to incorporate more whole grains into your diet.“

See The American Diabetes Association for more information about preventing diabetes.

 

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