Self Help & Self Growth

Self isn’t something we have to go looking for! Self is something we create. On these pages, you’ll find self help articles, quotations, tips, and advice on your journey to self improvement and growth.

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Neck Pain, Catnip, Heating Pads, and Flying Agatha Christie Books

As a Matter of Fact, It Was One of THOSE Weeks

by joi

in General

When it comes to coping with pain, emotional or physical, you have to allow yourself to heal. Step back from your daily routine and do the things that promote healing. Don’t push yourself too far and don’t try to speed the healing process.  That’s just an invitation for frustration, heartache, and lots of band aids.

I am in the process of healing from an incredibly painful neck injury.  The problem is, I have no idea how I hurt it.  I simply woke up one morning in a heck of a lot of pain, unable to move my neck in the directions it had become so accustomed to moving.  Now, I’ve had good old neck cricks before – just like all of us get from time to time. This was completely and utterly nothing like that.  I am, by nature, dead set against pain medicine, or any kind of medicine beyond Ibuprofen and Benadryl, if I can avoid it. I suspect that this anti-medication manifesto springs from a childhood with frequent doctor visits, hospital stays, and medications (chronic asthma and frequent bronchitis).  I suppose that, somewhere inside, there’s a little girl screaming, “No more doctors! No more medicine!”

However, when my heat pad, ice pack (I alternated), bottle of Ibuprofen and I went to bed that night, I made a promise to God, my cat, and the inner little girl that a doctor somewhere was going to make the pain go away if I awoke the next morning without any relief.  I have a fairly high pain threshold (giving birth to three healthy babies will do that for you – to say nothing of a lifetime of being accident prone), but I have to say, this particular pain was excruciating.

Fortunately, the next morning brought a little bit of relief – enough to convince me that I didn’t need to see a doctor.  The pain went from being an angry, intense 10 to being an angry, intense 8.  Each day since has seen the number descend.  Thank you, God. Thank you, Ibuprofen.  Thank you, chocolate.  Chocolate, of course, makes everything better.

During day 2 of the ordeal, as I sat wondering which side of my neck hurt worse (the side I somehow mysteriously hurt or the side that I’d been bending my head on), I thought of a quote by Dennis Wholey: Suffering forces us to change.  We don’t like change and most of the time we fear it and fight it.  On occasion, the suffering is so great that we have to give up.  We surrender the old and begin anew.  Often it is the pain we experience that leads us, not only to a different life, but a richer and more rewarding one.

The days of being in constant pain made me slow down a great deal. It’s hard to imagine, but when you’re in a lot of pain you find it almost impossible to do anything. Sitting and working on websites or writing was painful, so I’d get up and try to find something to do.

It honestly hurt to walk!

I tried to do my favorite pastime (baking and cooking) and, somehow managed to cut myself 3 times in two days.  I couldn’t even read – another favorite pastime – because I couldn’t find a way to tilt the book to accompany my head’s tilt without making myself sick.  At one point I actually flung an Agatha Christie book.

For a couple of days I couldn’t even drive. I had to have people run errands for me, which I detested. I’d rather be burdened that be a burden, or even just feel like I’m one.  Nasty stuff.

However, being the Pollyanna that I am, I slapped on my rose colored glasses and tried to look at things from a positive…. albeit tilted…. view.  Sometimes our pain and suffering can bring about good things in our lives, if we allow them to.  Whether our pain is physical or emotional, the experience can actually make us stronger.

Have you ever come through something that was so bad that you thought, “Well, if I survived that, I can survive anything!”  Those of us who have lost loved ones certainly know the feeling.  Very often, great beauty comes from great pain. Just like childbirth!

I was forced to rest more during these days.  I, literally, laid in the floor with my cat Alexa one afternoon for two hours.  We’d sleep a little, then wake up and play with one of her catnip toys. (I remember thinking that I wish catnip affected me like it does her.) Then we’d sleep a little more.  That’s her in the picture above, during one of the sleeping sessions.  When it comes to sleeping, she’s all in.

I didn’t run to the store, I didn’t sit at my computer for hours each day… now that I think about it, even my brain seems to have taken a vacation.  I honestly can’t remember thinking about very many things other than “Has it been four hours yet????“  When I was able to sit down at my computer and work again, I found that my thought flowed like honey.  It would appear that the ol’ brain enjoyed her vacation.

When I was able to hop back on the treadmill, the time flew by and I greatly enjoyed every single minute.

If nothing else, pain (and sickness, for that matter) causes everything to look SO much more beautiful after the healing. Sometimes even more so than before healing was necessary.

If you’re currently feeling any sort of pain – emotional, physical, or spiritual – allow yourself to heal.  Healing takes time as well as patience. Don’t try to rush things.  When we’re hurting, it’s the perfect time to take extra good care of ourselves and do what we know we have to do in order to heal.  Think how wonderful you’ll feel on the other side of the valley.  Mountain tops are never sweeter than when we’ve just passed through a valley, are they?

 

Cooking Healthy on a Budget?

It's Actually Possible

by joi

in Books I Love, General, Problem Solving


I recently read, then wrote a review for, a great book called Make the Bread, Buy the Butter: What You Should and Shouldn’t Cook from Scratch — Over 120 Recipes for the Best Homemade Foods . Click the link for my review of this fun and informative book – the post includes a recipe from the book for Homemade Baked Beans!  OR, click the book and read more on Amazon.

Book Description

When Jennifer Reese lost her job, she was overcome by an impulse common among the recently unemployed: to economize by doing for herself what she had previously paid for. She had never before considered making her own peanut butter and pita bread, let alone curing her own prosciutto or raising turkeys. And though it sounded logical that “doing it yourself” would cost less, she had her doubts. So Reese began a series of kitchen-related experiments, taking into account the competing demands of everyday contemporary American family life as she answers some timely questions: When is homemade better? Cheaper? Are backyard eggs a more ethical choice than store-bought? Will grinding and stuffing your own sausage ruin your week? Is it possible to make an edible maraschino cherry? Some of Reese’s discoveries will surprise you: Although you should make your hot dog buns, guacamole, and yogurt, you should probably buy your hamburger buns, potato chips, and rice pudding. Tired? Buy your mayonnaise. Inspired? Make it.With its fresh voice and delightful humor, Make the Bread, Buy the Butter gives 120 recipes with eminently practical yet deliciously fun “Make or buy” recommendations. Reese is relentlessly entertaining as she relates her food and animal husbandry adventures, which amuse and perplex as well as nourish and sustain her family. Her tales include living with a backyard full of cheerful chickens, muttering ducks, and adorable baby goats; countertops laden with lacto-fermenting pickles; and closets full of mellowing cheeses. Here’s the full picture of what is involved in a truly homemade life—with the good news that you shouldn’t try to make everything yourself—and how to get the most out of your time in the kitchen.

David Letterman’s Thoughts About September 11

The First Late Late Show After the Attacks

by joi

in General

American Flag

“I hope that when you’re my age you’ll be able to say, as I have been able to say: we lived in freedom, we lived lives that were a statement, not an apology.” – Ronald Reagan

I want to add my sentiments to those being expressed the world over. My heart still breaks for the lives that were lost ten years ago as well as for the lives that have been lost since the attacks. I don’t want to even think about the number of men and women from the USA as well as her allies in the War on Terrorism. I have a feeling the number would be a far higher one than any of us can really deal with.

I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, the brave men and women in the military who defend out country at home and abroad. I also want to acknowledge and thank all of the equally brave men and women who serve in the police department, FBI, Homeland Security, and fire department. These people deserve our respect as much as the heroes and heroines in our military.

Putting your life on the line for others… including people you’ll never meet? Incredibly awesome.

The video below is the first episode of The Late Show with David Letterman after the attacks on September 11. After you’ve watched this video, click HERE to see Part 2.

A Must Have App if You’re Counting Calories

I Love this App!

by joi

in Fitness, General, Health

Fast Food App

My daughter Emily and I were having lunch not long ago at Applebee’s in Owensboro.  We’re both becoming more and more health conscious and try not to consume more than our day’s share or allotted calories.  To that end, not long ago, I downloaded the Fast Food Calorie Counter App and use it religiously. This app has the foods listed for 106 different restaurants (including every fast food chain you can think of). It’s fast and easy to use and can help you make smarter decisions.

USUALLY (you know how those usuallys go), I consult my app before I even leave the house – so I have a game plan before I even touch the menu. However, this time we didn’t even decide where we were eating until we were practically in the parking lot!  As we sat at the table, we’d both just about made up our minds when I decided to “double check” our choices – choices that seemed innocent enough.  Can you say, “Nearly a day’s entire allottment of calories in one meal?!?!”

We wanted no part of that, so we entirely switched gears and made MUCH smarter and healthier choices.  Emily, right then and there, asked me what app I’d just used and downloaded it to her iPhone on the spot.

Most people simply have no idea the number of calories they’re consuming.  We tend to take in a whole lot more calories than we realize, especially when eating out.  If you don’t have a device for using apps, do the next best thing – either buy a book that lists calories in restaurant foods or get into the habit of visiting a restaurant’s website before you even leave the house.  You’ll be absolutely amazed by the number of calories in the food you’ve been eating!  They add up ridiculously and are contributing to the growing problem we face with obesity and diabetes.

Below are a few shockers:

Applebee’s Reuben Sandwich – 1,150 calories

Applebee’s California Turkey Club – 920 calories

Applebee’s side of onion rings – 530 calories

Applebee’s side of French Fries – 400 calories

Applebee’s Oriental Chicken Rollup – 1,140 calories

Applebee’s Chicken Fajita Rollup – 560 calories

Applebee’s Chicken Parmesan – 1400 calories

Applebee’s Crispy Orange Chicken – 1510 calories

Applebee’s Fiesta Lime Chicken – 1140 calories

Applebee’s Provolone-Stuffed Meatballs with Fettuccine – 1530 calories

If you add the side of fries to the sandwich or rollup, you’ll see how an innocent looking lunch becomes a nightmare!

Some better choices at Applebee’s:

Applebee’s Weight Watchers Cajun Lime Tilapia – 350 calories

Applebee’s Spicy Pineapple Glazed Shrimp and Spinach – 310 calories

Applebee’s Black Bean Soup – 190 calories

Steak & Grilled Shrimp Combo – 530 calories

Applebee’s Chicken Caesar Salad – 300 calories

Applebee’s has an OUTSTANDING “Under 550 Calories’ Menu that I use just about every time. Each item on this menu is exceptional – and as filling as any of the other meals boasting much higher calories.  It isn’t applicable at Applebee’s, but if you’re eating at a restaurant that keeps a steady stream of bread coming to your table, be sure to calculate each roll or bread stick into your meal.  As a country, we’re simply eating way too many calories.

Something I’m trying to get better at is avoiding appetizers – we’re talking hundreds (often upon hundreds) of extra, unnecessary calories.  Most appetizers aren’t good for you in any way whatsoever. It’d be much wiser to simply order a side salad if you’re starving and anticipate a wait.  I have no idea why, but appetizers are SUCH a weakness for me – even more so than desserts.

Here’s the link to the wonderful calorie counter app for fast food.  I wouldn’t dream of leaving home without it!

Quote About Living in the Present

Why'd You Want to Live Anywhere Else?

by joi

in General

Quote about living in the moment

Live your life in the moment.  Today is a miracle! – Joi, Self Help Daily

Why You Have to Buy the August Issue of SUCCESS

Jeffrey Gitomer, Orison Swett Marden, Louis Zamperini...

by joi

in General

SUCCESS MagazineThe newest issue of SUCCESS is, as always, outstanding. It’s one of those rare things in life that exceeds your expectations every time out of the gate.

Good on them.

I always love the articles (literally authored by some of the most successful men and women on or off the planet) and the Free CD that comes inside each issue is greatly enjoyed. More than once, I might add. I love listening to the motivation, information, and inspiration as I’m doing whatever it is I’m doing at the time (cooking, driving, sitting in the yard…).

Options:

  • listen to music that gets me nowhere
  • listen to the sound of my own thoughts (which I often do, actually)
  • listen to motivating men and women as they share very moving stories, lessons, and experiences

You could say it’s a no-brainer.

In the August 2011 issue, one of the stories on the CD is the moving story of Louis Zamperini.  What has Mr. Zamperini done that’s so motivating and inspiring? What sort of story does he have to tell? Only this: He survived being lost at sea, endured torture that would have destroyed lesser men, and came out a stronger person.  His is a fascinating story, but it’s nowhere near as fascinating as the man, himself.  Honestly, if the only thing this issue of SUCCESS had was the article on Louis Zamperini, it’s still be worth five times the cover price.

Here’s the opening paragraph. You tell me:

Adrift upon the face of an endless Pacific, Louis Zamperini and his pilot clung to the tatters of a life raft as days blurred together in relentless hallucination.  Sun and salt water transformed their skin into a crust of sores and fissures.  Sporadic rainsqualls dropped just enough water for occasional sips while birds and small sharks they caught bare-handed provided meager sustenance. – “The Indomitable Man” by Tom Horn – SUCCESS August 2011, page 16

Okay, so we’ve established that the issue is MORE than worth it already.  But, as is the case with SUCCESS, there’s always much more.

One of my favorite motivational, self growth, and positive thinking authors is Jeffrey Gitomer.  I can, literally, read a quote from one of his books and feel half convinced I can rule the country.  Orison Swett Marden is another absolute favorite. When I spend any amount of time reading Mr. Marden’s words, I’m asking myself, “Why should I stop with just the country when there’s a whole world out there.”

I’ve always wondered why Orison Swett Marden doesn’t get the same attention as other great men such as Dale Carnegie and Napoleon Hill.  I’ve never come up with the answer to that one. Maybe it’s the name.

At any rate, the article by Jeffrey Gitomer (“Orison Swett Marden: An Original Thinker”) is outstanding.

An excerpt?  “Born in 1850, Orison Swett Marden was placed in the guardianship of a neighbor, who bound out the child to families who needed an extra farmhand.  Life was extremely cruel, as he suffered whippings at the slightest provocation, near starvation, and subfreezing temperatures wearing threadbare clothes during harsh New Hampshire winters…. Persuading his guardian to allow him to attend school, he worked and paid for his education, liberating himself from his difficult youth.  He ultimately earned degrees in oratory, business, law, and medicine.  He became an entrepreneur, and in the late 1880s he founded SUCCESS Magazine.” – Jeffrey Gitomer, SUCCESS Magazine August 2011, page 41

After reading the article, my admiration for Orison Swett Marden only grew.

My third favorite article in this issue won’t come as a surprise to anyone.  You don’t have to spend much time on Self Help Daily to see my fascination with and love for animals.  My eyes lit up when I saw an article about the amazing Jane Goodall.   It’s also a great, great read and leaves you realizing what a marvel and force of nature Jane Goodall is.

I hope you’ll grab the August issue of SUCCESS and see why I’m so excited about it.  Better yet, grab this issue, then subscribe to the magazine so you won’t miss any of the rest.  Orison Swett Marden would be extremely proud of the exceptional publication (and website!) his dream has grown into. It can be thought of as his most impressive lesson and legacy.  A young boy without any advantages or encouragement learned early in life that he if he were going to outgrow his circumstances, he had to shake up his world. He didn’t waste time feeling sorry for himself, he didn’t bother with blaming others, and there’s no indication he harbored bitterness or anger.

No chips on his shoulders, they were too busy working!

Orison Swett Marden had a dream… what would, to many, seem like an improbable dream.  He made his dream come true and his name, his books, and his magazine (a true SUCCESS) still touch people today and will continue to do so for countless years to come.

“All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.” – Orison Swett Marden

 

A Couple of Lessons We Can Learn from Jose Reyes

There's More to the Mets Shortstop than Just Mad Talent

by joi

in General, Positive Thought

Mets Jose Reyes

Are you familiar with Jose Reyes? He plays shortstop for the New York Mets and happens to be one of the most exciting baseball players in the game right now.  I’m a diehard St. Louis Cardinals fan, but the Mets are my second favorite team – and Jose Reyes is one of the reasons.  He’s currently one of my favorite players and the reasons actually have nothing to do with his ridiculously high level of skill and athletic ability.

The things that make Jose Reyes a favorite in my book are simple:

  1. He enjoys the game.
  2. He’s a grinder.

Lesson #1: Enjoy Life and Never Stop Having Fun

Jose Reyes is almost always smiling and having fun. Shouldn’t we all go through life the same way? Like the St. Louis Cardinal’s phenomenal catcher, Yadier Molina, when the camera finds Reyes, more times than not he’s wearing a huge smile.  If a camera followed us throughout the day, as we go about our jobs and duties, could the same be said of us?  Would viewers think, “He/She is such a happy person and obviously just loves life.“  Or would they think, “What a sour puss! If life’s that unpleasant for them, why do they even bother getting out of bed?”

I’ve watched Mets games when they were winning and I’ve watched Mets games when they were losing.  I’ve watched Jose Reyes having one of those games when everything went right and I’ve watched Jose Reyes have one of those games when nothing went right.  The smile?  Always there.  The guy simply loves the game, loves what he does, and (from all clues) loves life.  When his teammates do well, he’s the first one there to congratulate them and offer high fives.  He has an obvious passion for life and it’s contagious. When he’s playing the game and enjoying it so much, you can’t help but smile, yourself.

Again, shouldn’t we have the same effect on others? Whether our day is going our way or headed in the complete opposite direction, isn’t life worth living and isn’t it worth loving?  The obvious answer is YES, but you couldn’t tell it by some people’s faces.  Smile more! Enjoy life… it only comes around once.

Lesson #2: Grind it Out!

One of my favorite quotes to use on myself, as well as on those around me is, “Grind it out.”  Ever since I heard an announcer praise a player who made it to first base, on an infield hit, by “grinding it out,” I’ve had a crush on the phrase and the philosophy.  I first really paid attention to the phrase during a St. Louis Cardinal’s ballgame, when one of our players, somehow, beat out a throw to first.  He should have, by all accounts, been the third out. I was even beginning to get up for a kitchen run when I had to sit back down. He grinded it out, regardless of how dire things looked.  I can’t even remember who the player was, to be honest.  He was one of those players who come up from AA, then head back down, then get their call again, etc.  He was the kind you’d expect to grind it out on every play because he was trying to earn a spot.

However, with Jose Reyes, the details are insanely different.  Players like Reyes, Albert Pujols Derek Jeter, Chris Carpenter, etc have earned their spot.  There are no buses leaving for AA in the parking lot for these guys.  Yet they still grind it out as though their spot depended on it.

Just last night, Jose Reyes grinded it out on the bases like he was auditioning for a spot on the team. Why? He loves the game and wants to give it his all.

If we were to take this philosophy and apply it to our own lives, I have a feeling magic would happen.  If we approached each day with everything we had in us and did the things that needed to be done even when we didn’t want to…. even when we didn’t feel entirely on our game, we’d have a lot more wins and a lot fewer losses.

  • Think of how our health and fitness would improve if we walked 15 minutes longer than normal – grinding it out instead of phoning it in.
  • How much more money could we make if we “showed up” earlier and “clocked off” later – even if it’s just a matter of minutes?  Many times, it’s the mindset that makes the difference.
  • Our relationships could even become sweeter if we put more thought and energy into them.

When we’re feeling low on energy and/or incentive, if we remind ourselves to “Grind it out!,” I think we’ll begin to see changes that will rock our world.

But don’t underestimate  Lesson #1: Enjoy Life and Never Stop Having Fun.  I listed it first for a reason.  The fact is, I think his attitude is the key to Jose Reyes’ success.  Yes, he has wicked athletic skills and a great mind for the game.  He’s head to toe talent. The thing is, many players are talented and many have crazy athletic skills.  My husband and I watched the College Baseball world series and saw endless talent and skills, but many of these kids won’t make it to the big leagues or achieve superstar status.  I believe a person’s attitude is their secret weapon.  Some people, such as Jose Reyes, simply have such a positive attitude and outlook that it gives them a potent weapon!

I don’t think life is fun for Jose Reyes because he’s good at what he does – I think Jose Reyes is good at what he does because he has fun with life.  Anyone who watches his games will know what I mean when I say that I’m certain this young man would wear the same smile if he was in A, AA, AAA or nowhere near the game of baseball.   He has the secret 1-2 punch that would grant him success anywhere in life:

  1. He loves life.
  2. He’s a grinder.

Make each moment count double and never leave home without your smile!

 

Can You Hear Me Now?

How Humans Sometimes Wax Ridiculous

by joi

in General, Relationships, Spiritual

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye but consider not the beam that is in thy own eye? - Matthew 7:3

I’m often fascinated with humans. We can be so ridiculous. Regardless of the evidence to suggest otherwise, we’re convinced that we are, almost without fail…

  • the one in the right
  • the one being “wronged”

For example – and I’m as guilty as anyone with this one -  When we’re in a hurry, we get incredibly annoyed with slow drivers.  How dare they poke in our way?! Why don’t they just stay home?! Yeah, that’s reasonable – they should stay home just because they hinder our speed.  A few days ago, I was in a blistering hurry and a woman (around 70 years old) was in front of me going about 5 under the speed limit.  Before realizing it, I mentally called for her license to be cut up.

Mind you, I kept my distance because the only thing worse than slow drivers are the goobers who get right up on their backside.  But, I definitely wanted to cut up her license…. simply because she was slowing me down. And it was my own fault! I’M the one who should have left earlier. Obviously she did.

However, when we’re out for a casual drive, how mad do we get when other drivers are rushing around?!  We’re like, “Where’s the fire?!” or “Go, ahead, drive like hell, you’ll get there soon enough.”  That one’s always a lovely sentiment.

Ridiculous humans!

Another example is one that I’m actually not remotely guilty of (go figure!).  Have you ever seen someone who was flabbergasted, annoyed, and generally peeved because they were asked to repeat something?  Then, have you seen the SAME person get flabbergasted, annoyed, and generally peeved when they have to ask someone to repeat something? When they have to do the repating, it’s the OTHER person’s fault. They either:

  • weren’t paying attention
  • weren’t listening
  • can’t hear worth a lick!

When they have to ask for something to be repeated, it’s the OTHER person’s fault, of course.  They either:

  • mumbled
  • whispered
  • didn’t say it right

The point is, we all have to ask for things to be repeated sometimes.  Sometimes there’s too much background noise and we didn’t quite catch it.  Sometimes the other person REALLY didn’t have their volume turned up very loud.  And sometimes, someone speaks to us when our thoughts are a billion and one miles away.

It happens!

Also, I’ve noticed that if my sinuses are really full, it affects my hearing. It kind of feels like I just got out of a swimming pool sometimes.

If you find yourself having to ask for things to be repeated from just about everyone (as opposed to only one or two people) on a regular basis, you might want to get your hearing checked. Getting corrective hearing devices is no different than getting a pair of glasses or contact lenses.  They open up a whole new world and you’ll be amazed at everything you’re missing!  I’ll never forget the look on my mom’s face when she heard birds singing again.  She was like, “Joi! Do you hear that? Birds!“

I just don’t get why people on either side of the equation get annoyed. I mean, how hard is it to repeat a couple of words?!  Smile (after all, they actually care enough to want to hear what you said) and simply repeat what you said.  If you keep getting annoyed, they’ll eventually quit caring what you ever have to say!  I noticed this with my mom and mother in law.  They each became very hard of hearing.  Most of us simply turned our volumes up around them, without getting annoyed (of course).  However, some impatient people would act “put out” when they had to repeat something – so both ladies simply wouldn’t ask them to repeat.  They’d either just laugh or say something completely off the wall.  My mother in law would sometimes just say, “Hmph.” Such a character.  The look on her face when she hmph-ed was priceless!

Also, a word of advice is you happen to know someone who is a little (or a lot) hard of hearing… this should be obvious, but if they keep asking you to repeat yourself, guess what… you aren’t talking loudly enough for them! Here’s the thing, people speak in different tones and volumes and sometimes one person out of a hundred has trouble “tuning into” your frequency.  If it’s the case, for both of your sakes, speak up!

Finally, I just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t throw in a little motherly wisdom:  Take care of you ears.  There’s absolutely no reason to play a radio (especially in a car or with headphones) as loudly as most people do. It’s horrible for your ears.  Turn the music down for crying out loud – it’ll still be the same music.

You’ll just be able to still enjoy it 10 years from now.

Watch Your Mouth!

How Your Words Affect Your Entire World

by joi

in General, Make a Difference, Positive Thought, Relationships

Encouraging Words

Our words are more powerful than we give them credit for. Encouraging others is something we should all do more of.  The main goal, of course, is to build those we care about up – to encourage and motivate them to be their best.  After all, we love them and that’s what we want for them. However, encouraging others with our words also causes them to do more, give more, and BE more.  When those around us are absolutely glowing with the light of success, do we not benefit from the warmth?

If you’re a blogger, you know all too well what spam is. If you aren’t a blogger, let me clarify it for you – it’s like junk e-mail. The kind that wastes your time on a good day and question humanity on a bad one. Generally, I go through my blogs deleting what spam makes its vile way through spam filters with thoughts like:

  • Seriously?
  • What does that even mean?
  • Who’d want to see that?
  • What kind of animal….
  • Why would anyone want to waste someone else’s time like this?
  • Depraved cretins!
  • Fools.

And so on.  But today, while sorting through spam on my Dream Analysis site, I had other thoughts completely.  I found myself in a batch of spam comments that I call “Keester Sunshine Spam.” It’s all so complimentary and sugar-y it’s as though they’re shooting sunshine up your keester, so it’s Keester Sunshine.  Spammy comments like “You’re brilliant and I’m blown away!” and “Has someone notified the genius police yet? You’re a genius!” were deleted one by one.

About halfway through the list I thought:

  1. I need a better spam plugin on this site.
  2. Compliments, used in non-spammy hands, could be the most powerful things on earth.

I won’t bore you with the details of spam plugins or how the one on that particular website is disappointing me.  I just want to help you to see compliments and words of encouragement in the same light I saw them in about 30 minutes ago.  Even though I knew the comments were bogus little cans of spam, I couldn’t help thinking, “Wow. If these were legit words of encouragement and honest, sincere compliments, I’d spend hours a day on this site!“  I didn’t think, “If these were legit, I’d slack off.  After all, compliments would mean I’d arrived! Why go further?”

Some people seem to think that complimenting others will cause the individual to “slack off” or stop reaching.

WRONG!

Compliments cause people to reach further, do more, and see if they can’t do even better things.  The brain says, “They notice!  I’m good at what I do!  Yay, me!”  These words generate such a positive little buzz that you find yourself powered by a gas far more powerful than the one you had before.

By contrast, negative, deconstructive words or (just as bad), NO words at all bring about the complete opposite result.  The brain says, “I can’t seem to do anything right! I can’t seem to do enough for him/her.  Why even try?”

As you may have noticed, I’ve been MIA (Missing Internet Action in this instance) for nearly a week.  The hideous storms that tore through the south left us without internet service for 6 days. If I DIDN’T have over 20 sites that I publish and maintain, it would have been an inconvenience – as it was, it was horrendous.  I certainly won’t say disastrous – what happened in Alabama was disastrous. In fact, by comparison, my situation WAS just an inconvenience.

Whatever we call it, I will be busy for days catching up on e-mail, comments, updates, posts, reviews, etc.  However, after my epiphany while clearing spam, I simply had to take a break and share a few words about compliments with my Self Help friends.

I also want to say how nice it was to come to Self Help Daily today and find such nice, encouraging (and legit) comments waiting for me. They simply re-affirmed everything I’d been thinking. Each wonderful comment made me want to roll my sleeves up further and do my absolute best.

That’s the effect positive words have on a person – whether they’re children or not.  However, for children and young people, the truth seems to be especially TRUE. All caps. I’ve always felt this way. So much so that whenever anyone would (or even when they do now) tell my daughters how beautiful they are, I’d always add something to the effect of, “… and very smart!” or “… and they have great personalities, too!”  Even when I was as young as they are now, it just seemed to me that a child hear all sorts of wonderful things about themselves.  They truly gain a sense of their identity from our words, which is why I never wanted them to ONLY identify themselves by the way they look.

In a very real sense, we all gain a sense of our identity from other’s words – especially people who place a hefty price tag on other people’s opinions.

In our daily conversations, we’d all do well to remember that things we treat so casually (or words) are actually the most powerful tools we own.  With these tools we either build people around us UP or we tear them down.

The choice is ours.  Do we want strong, magnificent, confident “I can do anything!” people in our home and workplace or do we want to spend our lives with defeated, beaten down “I can’t do anything right!” people? The choice is obvious.  When words leave our mouth, they begin creating the world we know.

Someone once said, “People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be.” I’m not sure who said the words or when they said them, but the words will live on forever. Get it?

A Self Help Lesson from Rachael Ray

What the Rach Can Teach the Rest of Us

by joi

in General, Positive Thought

Rachael Ray

Why do some people think they have to be experts on every single thing under and above the sun?! Why can’t they accept, even laugh at the fact that there are some areas they simply know nothing about?

One of my favorite cookbook authors, and Food Network stars, is Rachael Ray. Some people get hung up on the giggles, others get annoyed with her terminology (sammies, stoup, evoo, Yum-O), and some just don’t like the fact that she isn’t a “trained” chef.

Neither are most grandmothers, Amish women, or apron-wearing backyard ninjas! Since when are chefs the only people who know what tastes good?

As for the giggles and nicknames, big sideways whoop. If you tried to count the number of times I laugh a day, you’d lose track before noon. Happy people laugh, they giggle, and sometimes they act downright silly. But they’re enjoying life… living out loud, if you will.

I’ll take happy, silly people over miserable grouches or bores any day of the week and twice on the weekend.

Love her or hate her, Rachael Ray knows her way around the stove. She’s very good at finding food combinations and at developing her own recipes. As someone who cooks A LOT (and loves it to distraction), I know a thing or two about recipes and, as far as I’m concerned, the Rach is aces

But, get this. She has said many times that she can’t bake. When she needs a dessert, she buys it! She doesn’t try to excel in all areas of life. She specializes and doesn’t try to wear too many darn hats. She simply wears one to perfection.

How do you think the arrangement’s working for her? My guess is each time she looks at the balance of her checkbook she goes, “Hehehehehe. Yum-O!”

Yeah, it’s working just fine.

People who try to wear too many hats upon one unsuspecting head could be annoying if they weren’t so ridiculously funny.

I think it’s refreshing to find people who admit they know less than zero about a certain subject. Know-it-alls are a dime a dozen, and they aren’t even worth that.
Aside from grating on the nerves of those around them, know-it-alls are actually doing themselves a world of harm.

Have you ever known anyone who had a world of potential in a certain area, but tried to do too many other things as well? I’m sure we’ve all met our share of these “mad hatters.”

Take, for example, the president of a company who thinks he/she has to personally write each newsletter, hire each employee, design the company’s website, write the blog posts, star in the commercials, write the radio ads, star in the radio ads, answer every telephone, plan each picnic, coach the softball team, choose the curtains, etc, etc, etc…

Can you guess the pitfall? Nothing will be done as well as it could be or should be. One person isn’t capable of doing absolutely everything. What’s more, the one thing they are SUPPOSED to be doing is getting neglected. Instead of giving it 100 percent of their time and attention, they’ve left it with about 25 percent.

I’m horrendous at math but even I know 25 percent is nowhere as good as 100 percent.

If you think you might be spreading yourself too thin, and not covering things as well as you know you could (or should), you might have fallen into a trap overly-ambitious people often fall prey to.  You’re trying to wear too many hats and trying to do too many things.  Step back and assess the big picture.  In this proverbial picture, if you’re a frazzled mess in the middle trying to balance 25 different hats on your head, you have arrived.

Stop trying to do it all and stop trying to have it all.  Enjoy life – it’s a ride that only comes around once!

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