Facts are stubborn things. – John Adams
A few nights ago at the movie theater, I was walking into a door when a young man, apparently, walked in front of me. I say apparently because there was a great crowd and, pretty much, it was each person for himself or herself. A man in a plaid coat and I arrived at the door at the same time.I paused to let him go in front of me and he smiled and said, “Oh, no, after you.” It was then that I noticed the very cute, clean cut teenager who’d gotten in front of me. He paused to wait for the friendly gentleman – it was his dad.
The dad quietly told him, “Son, you walked right in front of that lady.” The son, said, “I’m sorry. I was looking down at my ticket and didn’t see her.”
If I hadn’t been in such a hurry to get where I was going, I might have passed out. A parent taking the time to teach their child manners was enough of a blow, but a teenager saying, “I’m sorry” when he hadn’t done anything worse than walking in front of someone was a real jaw dropper.
I’m a thinker, born to think. So, naturally, I thought about this off and on throughout the night.
Parents today often stare at their children in disbelief. Oh, the language they use. The immodesty. The decisions they make. Who’s to blame for all of this? Oh yeah, movies, television, other kids, teachers, the school system, music, and MTV. Of course!
Except for the part, of course, where that’s utter hogwash.
As John Adams said when he decided to defend British soldiers after the Boston Massacre, “Facts are stubborn things.“ When we raise children, we’re basically training them in the way they should live. Naturally, they’ll pick up certain habits along the way that we had little, if anything, to do with. But their overall character and accountablitly? Make no mistake, we had a shaping hand in that.
Which is why it’s refreshing to see a parent doing hands on training as this father was doing with his son. He didn’t yell at him, didn’t call him names or try to degrade him. He simply, and quietly, made a strong case for manners. Personally, I think that’s what good parenting should be – calm and controlled – between the parent and the child. There’s no need to raise the roof, no need to lash out. If you need to scream to be heard, you’ve missed the boat somewhere along the way. Don’t flail around, noisly, in the water. Find the right boat!
All relationships – whether they’re between children and parents, siblings, or sweethearts – begin and end with respect for the other person. You can’t expect anyone to respect you if you don’t respect them.
John Adams’ quote hits home on more fronts than just parenting, of course. How about the following?
- Facts are stubborn things: When we eat fast food on a regular basis, we’re going to gain weight.
- Facts are stubborn things: If we refuse to eat the foods we know we should eat and turn to the unhealthy ones instead, we’re going to have blood pressure problems, heart problems, and a host of other nasty diseases.
- Facts are stubborn things: If we refuse to outsmart the pack of cigarettes in our pocket, we’re going to die sooner than we should. And it won’t be pretty.
- Facts are stubborn things: If we don’t make our family our first priority, we won’t have the strong, happy family we all dream of.
- Facts are stubborn things: Karma is real. Karma is accurate. If you continually spew anger, impatience, intolerance, and/or sarcasm into the world (and all over everyone within your reach), don’t waste time watching for peace, happiness, and contentment to show up on your doorstep.
- Facts are stubborn things: If you want to be treated “like a lady,” you need to act like one.
- Facts are stubborn things: If you want respect, you have to earn it.
- Facts are stubborn things: If you practice dishonesty or “flirt” with little white lies, get ready for people to doubt every word out of your mouth.
- Facts are stubborn things: If we want to improve in a given area, we have to devote at least 1 hour each day to the endeavor. There are no magic wands. I’ve looked.
- Facts are stubborn things: The Ten Commandments, the Bible, and Prayer should never have been taken out of school.
- Facts are stubborn things: If we want our minds to stay sharp, we have to challenge them. If the only thing we read is the TV guide, our brains will pretty much waste away.
- Facts are stubborn things: You can’t make someone else WANT something. You can’t impose your wishes or desires upon them. Quite frankly, you just don’t have the right.
What are some of your own stubborn facts? Leave them in the comments!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
One fact that always makes me feel great, whenever times get tough is:
‘There’s always tomorrow.’
As in there is another day to come, with new opportunities and new possibilities.
sahail’s last blog post..Law of Attraction – 5 strategies that will bring more luck into your life.
Good Point Joi,
Can be summarize as :
People want change, but they don’t want to change
We know we need to do something, but don’t do it for one reason or another
We need to take a look on our deep values and develop personal credo to get things done
Peter, great point. We all want to fit into the Levi’s in the back of the closet but we want NO PART of the hour on the treadmill!
That’s a great one, Sahail. My mom always said, “Tomorrow’s another day!” And she was right (as she often was!).
It is funny that we dont actually have the right to tell others what to think, say, belief yet so many of us do it.
Especially parents, I see this all the time and in my opinion the worst at least for me has been religion. I mean really isn’t there a time in your life you can decide if you want to follow that or not?
Another big issue has been partners, I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this but if I am picking a girlfriend or wife, why is it that I need the approval of my parents, they wont be with her all their life?
I mean is it all just about emotions and how it screws us up and we are forced to listen to these people instead of stand up for ourselves and saying no?
tom’s last blog post..What is your debt to income ratio?
Well here’s something that I’ve seen time and time again:
“Sin begets sin”
Or mistakes give rise to further mistakes. A lie leads to another lie and then another.
Good article. I really wonder how and if it is still at all possible to revive the values that the great people of before taught us. I am utterly dismayed at how a lot of people think nowadays and I really am at a loss on how we are going to protect the kids from it.
Shannon’s last blog post..Family Radio Hosts Matt Berman to Discuss InstantAmber
Great point about relationships, Tom! Parents don’t really get to see the “REAL” person after just a few visits anyway. Most people are so nervous about meeting parents that they sort of freeze up. I know I did the first few times I was around my husband’s family. They were adorable and I thought the world of them – I just SO wanted them to like me that I couldn’t figure out how to just be me!
You’re right, though, parents won’t spend the rest of their life with the other person, though – so their opinion certainly isn’t the real one that counts. And here I am – a parent saying that!