A Lesson on Tolerance That Can Help You With All of Your Relationships

by joi on November 16, 2008

This morning, while lying by Alexa’s cage, I started thinking about human character flaws. I say human to clear up any misconceptions that I meant cat character flaws, because they haven’t any. If you don’t believe me, ask a cat.

I came up with a theory (yes, another one of my kitchen floor theories).

You know, generally speaking, we’re all like coins in that we each have a “flip side.” You can think of any bad trait or character flaw in an individual and, moments later, think of a “flip side” of that negative.

Here are a few illustrations to show you what I’m getting at:

  • The husband who is so laid back that he never picks up after himself is often the same husband who’s kind nature makes life more pleasant.  Socks on the floor?  The flip side of the man who laughs about having to get a bumper fixed.  Again.
  • The vain college student who literally panics if a hair gets out of place is often the same girl who will land on the honor roll because of the same level of perfectionism. She’ll also be a wonderful employee because she accepts nothing but the best from herself.
  • The individual who gets angry so fast that it alarms you is often is the same person who is filled with so much fight that they often amaze themselves with what they’re able to accomplish. 
  • The father who seems to be on his son’s case constantly often pushes that son further than he would have gone under his own steam.
  • The son or daughter who is so strong-willed that you want to scream will be the same strong-willed individual when the situation calls for it.  As a mother of three daughters, I don’t hate on strong wills - I embrace them.
  • The wife who’s husband thinks is too easy going is the same wife who never has been - and never will be - a nag.  If he comes home late for dinner, he won’t be handed his backside along with his napkin and the potatoes will be the only thing that’s cold.
  • The doctor who consistently keeps you waiting is busy giving quality time to another patient.  The same quality time you’re about to receive.
  • The person who is so anal that you stare at them in disbelief is often the same person who the word spotless was created for. 
  • And the person who you complain about never being serious?   Keep that person nearby!  Their flip side will make you live longer… and better.

You see what I’m driving at.  If we all try (and some times are harder than others) to look at someone’s ”flip side” - we’ll discover that the good often balances out the bad.  That doesn’t mean we have to applaud the negative, but acknowledging the positive on the other side will help us tolerate that which we loathe with a passion.  Especially if it’s our own flip side we’re looking at.  Self tolerance is a good thing, right?

It helps to keep flip sides in mind when dealing with everyone.  It also helps to remind yourself that no one is perfect.  The only person who was perfect was tortured and killed. Others who flirtted with perfection didn’t fare much better.  One young man, with a very snazzy coat, was sold into bondage by his own brothers (Joseph), one brave young woman was a slave for a great part of her life and suffered greatly as a result of having an iron thrown at her head (Harriet Tubman), one prayer warrior was thrown ino a lion’s den (Daniel), one very gentle man was beheaded (John the Baptist), and one was shot in the head while trying to enjoy a play with his wife after saving his country from itself (Abraham Lincoln).

I’m not so sure we should want perfect-ish people anywhere near us?!?!

Let’s be happy with the colorful, deliciously fascinating people we have around us. Keep in mind that we give them just as many reasons to look for flip sides as they give us. Besides, they keep life interesting and, if we’ll be honest, they give us many more reasons to smile than to frown. Be tolerant of others and embrace their individualism. Remember, when they let down their guard and are “themself” around you, it’s the greatest compliment you’ll ever receive.

Have a great, relaxing Sunday - and may your team win… Unless they’re playing the Bronco’s. Then, I wish nothing for them except abject humiliation. ;)

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The Truth of Consequences with a Killer Quote by Gary Ryan Blair

by joi on November 14, 2008

In a section dealing with consequences in Cameron C. Tayor’s great book Cameron C. Taylor, Does Your Bag Have Holes? 24 Truths That Lead to Financial and Spiritual Freedom, he snaps the reader awake with the following quote by Gary Ryan Blair: “Every choice carries a consequence. For better or worse, each choice is the unavoidable consequence of its predecessor. There are not exceptions. If you can accept that a bad choice carries the seed of its own punishment, why not accept the fact that a good choice yields desirable fruit?”

As parents, we try to instill this basic lesson into our children. If they step outside of the lines, they face some sort of penalty. Whether it’s time spent in a “time out” chair, going to bed early, or the loss of a favorite program - we, in our own way, get our kharma on and let them know the reality of consequences.

I suppose where we all mess up most is consistency. As the quote above says, “There are no exceptions.” - But, parents get tired, don’t we?!!

Unfortunately… fate? He never tires. Never even breaks a sweat.  We don’t have to look far for proof of that:

  • Think about the weight problems in our country.   A direct consequence of fast food, poor eating habits (such as fast, easy meals rather than healthy, homemade vegetables, soups, etc.) and too much time in front of a screen of some sort.
  • Think about how people struggle from paycheck to paycheck.  Overspending and refusing to “live within one’s means” can be thanked for a lot of these problems.  The economy is, of course, suffering its own consequences - but, let’s be honest, most of us don’t exactly help ourselves.
  • Think about all of the broken relationships around you.  In a society that’s geared toward “Me, me, me” - it’s little wonder that few people put anyone else ahead of themself.   One of my own personal pet peeves is selfishness.  ”MEitis.”  The MYSpace generation gives me a knot in my stomach, quite frankly.  When anyone has to be their own press agent, there’s a problem.  Oh, look!  Pictures of ME… glorious ME!  Sonofagun, who knew that camera would be here?  Wait… oh, I’ m holding it, that’s right. Watch ME dress up.  Watch ME dress down.  Watch ME watching ME dress up.  I dunno, I’m just kind of, like, silly like that….  Oh, I think I’ll jump off of that one before a post in a post happens.  I remember when someone wanted a camera for taking pictures of other people, places and things.  I’m just saying.
  • Think about the recent election.  Sometimes, we can even get the luxury of paying for someone else’s consequences.  John McCain didn’t lose the election.  The man seems, to me, incapable of personally losing anything.  Heroes roll like that.  Sarah Palin didn’t lose the election for him.  Not all of us agreed with everything she  hunted did - but most of us respected her and fiercely defend her right to her own beliefs.  Most of us also know what cost Mr. McCain the election.  Consequences brought about from others in his political party.

No one can escape consequences.  Not even American heroes.  “There are no exceptions.”

Cameron C. Taylor gives a great example of Consequences on page 60 of Does Your Bag Have Holes?. He was speaking at a prison to a group of inmates. One gentleman in particular was asking Mr. Taylor about success. Namely, how could he (imprisoned for being involved with illegal drugs) ever hope to achieve the level of success that this well-respected author and speaker has achieved. Mr. Taylor had the inmate join him in a demonstration. They both stood on a table and, on the count of three, jumped off. Neither had wings, so they both hit the floor!

“I continued teaching that the law of gravity affected both of us the same regardless of age, gender, race, or upbringing. This is also true of the laws of success. They are the same now as they were in the past and will be the same in the future. Our knowledge about these laws may fluctuate, but their principles and application will never change. Anyone can be successful, because anyone can learn and follow the laws of success.”

It comes down to choices. When we make our choices, we make our consequeces. If we eat too much, exercise too little, and order too many calorie-laden drinks at Starbucks (What?! Who said that?!?!) - we choose to have a weight problem.

If we neglect to budget our money and buy impulsively (There they go again!) rather than intelligently, we’ll come up short again and again. And again.

We should start making better choices, wiser choices - so we can, in turn, expect better consequences.

Edit: I put my money where my mouth was (literally) when I ran to the store today. Instead of my regular amazing Starbucks drink (which hovers around 400 calories and is over $4), I grabbed a hot Wild Sweet Orange Tea. It cost less than $2 and came to the party with absolutely no calories. Yay! What’s more, it was absolutely delicious. I’ve also had them combine 1 bag of Passion Tea with 1 bag of the Wild Sweet Orange Tea before. Also amazing, and also 0 calories.

Little GOOD choices add up just the same as little BAD choices. But only one will lead anywhere worth going.

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A Couple of Things to Think About from the Pages of Sound Health, Sound Wealth by Luanne Oakes, PH.D.

by joi on November 13, 2008

Sound Health, Sound Wealth: The Biology of Hope and Manifestation is nothing if not a fascinating read. As I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned, I recently got behind in my reading because of a broken cat. My Alexa decided that she was graceful enough to take a running jump on an ironing board - as though she was Mary Lou Retton and it was her balance beam. Reality crashed down on my beautiful, albeit ungraceful, girl. It landed on a back leg, broke it in two places, and she and I spend a great deal of time lying in the floor.

She has finally consented to allow me to read as she watches, though, so I finished this particular book a few nights ago.

Whoever you are, whatever you do, and whatever your current state of health, you can transform your life - without traveling to Lourdes to be healed, reinventing yourself, or even getting online. Sound Health, Sound Wealth is about effortlessly creating the life you want from the inside out. - Luanne Oakes, Ph.D.

In the statement above, the author sums her approach up beautifully, “…from the inside out.” Her approach to self improvement doesn’t take any excuses and doesn’t allow you to even try to come up with any. She lets you know, right up front, that you are responsible for your own life as well as any success you hope to draw into it.

I love a book that causes me to take notes before I’m even out of the Introduction. This book was just such a book. 5 pages into the intro, I wrote the following down in my much beloved purple notebook:

In recent years, the author Earl Nightingale uncovered a mystical and scientific secret he referred to as “The Strangest Secret.” As he put it, “We become what we think about most of the time….” What do you think about most of the time? How do you feel about your present life, your loved ones, your friendships, and your work? Do you love what you do?…. Each and every thought has a neurochemical, biological, and molecular equivalent. Thoughts do become things. (I actually circled that sentence.)

Sound Health, Sound Wealth is very unique in that it’s a very relaxing book to read, it just brings a certain peacefulness to the reader. I think it must come resonate from the author, herself. Like children, books often pick up the persona of their parent. However, the book also lights a fire underneath you. It causes you to see things you could be doing better to get better - as in better finances, better relationships, better time management, etc.

One of my favorite sections of the book was in Chapter 4 - The Principle of Energetic Boundaries. Under a wonderfully powerful heading called “Energy Leaks,” the author writes, “Energy leaks occur when you consciously or unconsciously give away time, thought, emotion, money, assistance, or any other valuable aspect of yourself in a way that is costly for your well-being and not truly helpful in the long run to anyone else.”

Since reading that paragraph, there have been so many times in my own life when I’ve looked at situations and wondered if they were “energy leaks.” Don’t you just love that phrase?! We all value (and NEED) what energy we’re able to produce - what a pity it is that we waste it with these leaks. When we give away any of our own energy, we’re taking it away from where it’s needed most - from where it could do the most good.

Energy leaks - gotta watch out for them.

Sound Health, Sound Wealth is full of wonderful insights and advice, “Energy leaks” is just one of my favorites. I want you to discover the rest for yourself. If you also take notes when you read, let me warn you - you’ll want quite a few pieces of paper when you sit down with this book.

Btw, the book also comes with a cd. That’s always a plus…. for people in vehicles rather than sprawled across a dining room floor, that is.

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Quotes About Finding Faults With Others

by joi on November 13, 2008

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick. - Bill Lemley

That which we call sin in others is experiment in us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all have weaknesses. But I have figured that others have put up with mine so tolerantly that I would be less than fair not to make a reasonable discount for theirs. - William Allen White

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Speak not against anyone whose burden you have not weighed yourself. - Marion Bradley

Only God is in a position to look down on anyone. - Sarah Brown

Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales. - Byron J. Langenfield

What we all tend to complain about most in other people are those things we don’t like about ourselves. - William Wharton

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. - Benjamin Disraeli

Other people’s faults are like bees - if we don’t see them, they don’t harm us. - Luis Vigil

The less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudices. - Clint Eastwood

Every bigot was once a child free of prejudice. - Sister Mary De Lourdes

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Matthew 7: 1-3

For more motivational quotes, click the link!

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Head’s Up, Fellow Chocolate Lover’s

by joi on November 12, 2008

Chocolate. Ooooh. The word, alone, makes my knees quiver. I guess it helps that I actually have some in my mouth right this very minute. I’m hoping that the “Don’t talk with your mouth full” rule only applies to talking with your mouth. If it applies to talking with your fingers, too, I guess I can expect a visit from the Manner’s police.

Bring them on - I’ll win them over with my stash of Green & Black’s Organic Chocolate. Yes, stash. I keep, at all times, a nice supply of Green & Black’s Organic chocolate bars on hand and in mouth. They are incredibly special, incredibly amazing, and (best of all) incredibly chocolate.

See theirwebsite for more details, including where you can get your own stash. I do know that Target (my personal supplier) carries these bars. And I love them for it.
Look out - here comes the biggest understatement you’ve ever heard. I also love Starbucks. That brings me to the next bit of information you fellow chocolate lovers must know. This caffeinated institution recently introduced a drink that redefines hot chocolate. It’s their Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate and it’s out of this freaking world. My daughter, Stephany, always orders a little extra salt on hers (sea salt) - and after tasting hers once, I think it might just be the way to go.

The flavors of caramel, chocolate, and sea salt go together in such a way that you won’t just smile, you’ll break out in what I call the “Idiot smile.” Man, I love myself the idiot smile.

Finally, when you’re at home - very late at night, and Starbucks isn’t open. Or you’re home and too comfy to get back out, I have a Hot Chocolate recipe you’ll love. It’s actually based on a recipe from the back of Kroger’s Cocoa. But I add vanilla extract and homemade whipped topping - it’s the best hot chocolate recipe I’ve ever tried… and, believe me, with a house full of fellow chocolate lovers, I’ve tried them all. Enjoy!

Hot Cocoa
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup cocoa
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 cups milk

In a large saucepan, blend the sugar and cocoa. Gradually add 1/3 of the milk, stirring constantly, until smooth. Stir in the remaining milk and the vanilla extract. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently until hot. DO NOT BOIL (sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, but it’s an important tip).

Serve with either marshmallows or the whipped topping (below). This makes about 4 servings.

Homemade Whipped Topping
Use an electric mixer to combine 1 cup heavy whipping cream with 1/4 cup sugar. Mix until it’s as stiff as your 9th grade Biology teacher. (This cream is also great in coffee!)

BTW, I’ve also substituted Imitation Brandy flavor for the vanilla extract with great results.

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How to Strengthen Your Mindset - Part 2

by joi on November 11, 2008

Continuing  Self Improvement 101: How to Strengthen Your Mindset…

As I pointed out in the last post (linked above), the area I, personally, had the least amount of confidence in was my wardrobe. When I have extra money to spend, one of my “passions” simply doesn’t include clothes for me.  As a matter of fact, my husband and I were out shopping a few nights ago and while he was looking at computers and such, I found myself looking in the men’s department.  I even hunted him down between a couple of HP’s and told him, “You have to come look at these slacks…”

He didn’t feel the same enthusiasm for the color that I did, so he meandered back to his computers and such.  I swear, when the man enters a store, it’s a wonder the tech section doesn’t meet him at the front door….  “Mike!  What’s been keeping you.”  Hmph.

I’ve decided that each month, I’m going to add at least one item of clothing to my wardrobe - in between the kitchen gadgets I can’t live without and the Bath & Body Work’s lovelies that steal my breath away, I’ll grab purple and pink sweaters (my fave colors), and whatever they seem to want to pair up with.

Like most situations, improving one’s self confidence in the area of “dress” can’t be accomplished overnight.  It’s something that has to be improved upon over a course of time.  But the simple act of moving in the right direction makes you feel 100 percent better.

The same can be true for the other categories we looked at.  Below are a few tips for shoring up our confidence in each.  And remember, even if you gave yourself a 10 in a category, it doesn’t mean you should forget about it.  We should take every bit as much care in protecting our 10’s as we do in raising our other numbers.

Relationships

If your confidence level with your relationships isn’t a 10, being aware of it (which you now are!)  is a huge step in the right direction.  I’m fairly certain that you “get” that you share blame if any of your relationships don’t come easy.  

If you’re one of those people who expect too much from people, knock it off… like, yesterday.  No one wants to be around someone they feel looks down on them.  They’ll resent it AND you.  Even if you mean nothing but the best - you may be too controlling and domineering.  This is especially a problem in the workplace, but it can extend to your relationships at home.

The problem is, many people fall into a routine.  They get so accustomed to treating people a certain way and so used to not showing people respect that they think it’s a way of life.  That it’s their right, even!  Then, a few years go by and people at work avoid them, they walk into the office and the laughter dies (wouldn’t you hate to be a laugh killer?!?!), their kids avoid them at all costs - leaving the house when they come home, coming back home when they leave, etc.

Another piece of advice I’d offer to everyone looking to improve their relationships is this:  Stop trying to live through or for the people around you.  Allow them to have their own interests, pursuits, hobbies, etc.  I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it a million more, we each have our own life to live - never try to take someone else’s.  Live your own and allow others the same luxury. 

If you score your confidence in your relationships below a 9, do yourself the biggest favor you will ever do for yourself and ask - NOT “What are they doing wrong?…”  BUT “What could I do better?” 

Then, do it, my dear!  If you nag - stop.  If you worry too much - dial back.  If you yell - shut up.  (Sorry, I hate yelling.)  If you harp - get a new tune.  If you bully - get a life.  (Yeah, I hate bullies, too.)

The funny thing is, I believe most people who have traits that get in the way of their relationships are fully aware of these traits.  I don’t think bullies, nags, screamers, or worry warts are oblivious to their own charms.  I think they KNOW they’re this way and are afraid to change.  Do they like being the way they are?  Probably not.  But they think that backing down (or off) will set them up for disappointment or pain. The problem is, until they change the way they are, disappointment and pain are all they’ll ever know - they’re simply sharing the wealth,  i.e. - making everyone miserable.

Just a little special note to men and women in relationships (from someone who has been very happily married for 25 years, come February):  If you are miserable to be around, he/she will find someone who isn’t.  If being around you makes them uncomfortable or unhappy - it won’t be long before they tire of the feelings.  If you’re one of those people who “picks” at people, think of the mosquito.  He gets swatted for his efforts, and in one way or another, you’ll meet with a similar fate.

Conversation and Written Communication

If you lack confidence in either one of these areas, don’t despair - they’re pretty easy to improve upon.  The best advice?

  • Be yourself
  • Practice makes perfect
  • Fake it until you make it

First of all, when writing or speaking - just be you.  I don’t just practice this when writing, speaking, or living - I immerse myself in it entirely.  Maybe it’s stubborness, I don’t know.  But I look at it like this:  I may not be perfect, but I am aware of who I am and what I want to say.  I know what makes me happy and I know what I believe in.  I know what makes me smile and what makes me cry.  I will put pictures of animals all over my self help website even when others suggest that it makes it look like a wildlife site.  I will not hesitate for one second to say that I’m a Christian and that the Bible holds the answer to every single question we’ll ever have.   When writing on my blogs (or e-mail, or articles, etc.) I may start a sentence with “And..”  Rebel on board! 

Hold on firmly to who you are and to what makes you.. well, you. 

I guess it comes down to being comfortable with who you are.  When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you won’t care who sees it.  You’ll adopt an attitude of, “If you get me, fantastic!  If you don’t get me, Best wishes!”   Be you.  Some will get it, some won’t.  There are some people who don’t like Shakespeare, the Eagles, Angelina Jolie (duh all over them), John Grisham, etc… 

Practice!  Whether it’s conversational or written communication - simply do more of it.  Talk up people who you’d normally simply say, “Hi” to.    Ask questions, be interested, and look them in the eye.  I’d recommend reading, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by the great, great, great Dale Carnegie.  Although it was written many years ago, it reads as though it had been written last year.  It’s a great book and will increase your confidence by proverbial leaps and bounds.

When it comes to written communication, practice is especially helpful.  I wouldn’t even want to guess how many words I typically write (er, type) in a day.  I do know this, though:  A few times in my life where I found myself separated from words for a few days (like when my mom unexpectedly died or when I had the flu from hell) I found that the flow of writing got rusty.  By contrast, it seems that the more I write, the more I’m able to write.  The words practically run over themselves trying to get out fast enough.  That’s why you’ll sometimes find typos or little boo boos.  I know how to spell and pride myself on my grammar and knowledge, it’s just that sometimes my brain gets ahead of my hands - even though they type furiously trying to keep pace.

I read a blog post by a blogger not long ago that said, basically, “This is harder than I thought it’d be.. This is my last post.”  The hard part is that most people either don’t have the time to spend writing daily or they don’t have time that they’re willing to give up for writing.  It’s literally something you have to work on regularly if you want to have a good relationship with words.

They’ll leave you in a heartbeat if you make them feel like second class citizens. 

As for the last tip - Fake it until you make it - it’ll serve you well until you reach a 10.  When talking to someone, act as though talking is what you do for a living.  Take on the persona that you’re a cross between Larry King and Oprah Winfrey.  When you write, write as though you’re an author with a fan base that includes Stephen King, Nicholas Sparks, Barbara Taylor Bradford, Dean Koontz, and Maya Angelou.

To name a few.

Appearance

Finally, if confidence in your appearance - for whatever reasons… I mean, I think you look great - is cause for concern, ask yourself, “Why?”  Then, ask yourself “How?” and “What?”

Why do I not feel fabulous?

How can I make myself feel better about the way I look? 

What is the first thing I need to do?

If you aren’t in love with your hair, change it.  If you feel overweight, first of all make sure there isn’t a medical reason and, when cleared, start walking for 30 minutes every day and cut back on the calories you take in.  If you feel underweight, I despise you.  Kidding-ish.  If you feel underweight, again - make sure there isn’t a medical reason, first.  Then, if you’re thin simply because you’re thin (grrrrrr), consider putting on a little muscle. 

Either way, joining a gym or finding a great author who deals with your particular subject will help a great deal. 

Personally, I don’t think size matters.  I find very thin rock muscicians, large football players,  tiny little fashion models, and full-figured divas all to be beautiful.  One size doesn’t fit all and doesn’t look good on all.  The trick is being happy with who you are.  Confidence is a gorgeous, glorious thing.

In summary (how pretentious was that?):   Find the areas in which you don’t feel as confident as you should.  Vow to work on improving yourself in those areas.  Adopt the mindset of improving yourself and the way you feel about yourself.

mindset – noun
1. an attitude, disposition, or mood.
2. an intention or inclination.

Once you feel good about who you are and where you’re headed, there’ll absolutely be no stopping you.  There’s a great deal of power in having an optimistic attitude and mood - you’re liable to find doors opening for you that you didn’t even know existed.   What’s more, you’re relationships will be so amazing, that you’ll never have to walk through these doors alone!

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Self Improvement 101 - How to Strengthen Your Mindset

by joi on November 10, 2008

Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Now, there’s a question you’ve probably read or heard a thousand and one times. You probably even answer the question most of the time.

But, why exactly, do people in the self improvement industry find this question to be so vitally important? And why is your answer even more important?

It all comes down to one of my favorite words: Mindset. Consider the definition from Dictionary.com:

mindset – noun
1. an attitude, disposition, or mood.
2. an intention or inclination.

….an intention or inclination. According to it’s own biography, your mindset will, ultimately, carry you to one of three places: In the right direction, in the wrong direction, or in no direction.

If we are optimistic and positive, our mindset will take on a “can do!…must do!…” attitude. However, if we give in to doubts and insecurities and are pessimistic, our mindset will have more ???? than !!!! - and that’s never, never a good thing. I mean that’s never a good thing!!!

Pessimists will be doomed by gloom - unless they recognize the problem and change their mindset.

We are no greater than our weakest thoughts, no stronger than our gravest doubts and we’ll go no further than our chains of insecurity allow us to.

If we are the walking, talking result of our mindset (and we are), how important must it be to get our optimistic thoughts in line?

Interactive Exercise

Grab a pen and two sheets of paper! At the top of one paper, write “WHERE I AM” and at the top of the other write “WHERE I’M GOING.”  Divide the “WHERE I AM” page into categories and write one of these six headings in each:

  1. APPEARANCE
  2. CONVERSATION
  3. WRITTEN COMMUNICATION
  4. RELATIONSHIPS
  5. KNOWLEDGE
  6. WARDROBE

Without “over thinking,” go through each one and rate your level of confidence.  1 being, “I’m all over this one!  Seriously, this is my thing.”   A 10 would indicate an area where you feel you are extremely weak - an area that makes you want to hide in your room and eat soup.

Don’t try to talk yourself up a number or down a dumber - just go with your gut feeling.  I promise not to look.

After you’ve written your numbers down, go to the “WHERE I’M GOING” page.  Start with your lowest number:  Write the lowest number and its heading down.  Then you’re going to brainstorm and come up with ways to make that number higher.

For example: My lowest number was “wardrobe.”  I’ve got more confidence in my pajamas than most of my clothes.  The reason for this is simple:  I’m just not that into clothes.  I LOVE purses, jewelry, perfume, but clothes?  Whatever.  Maybe it comes from being a mother of 3, a cooking addict, or from being such a homebody - I’d just MUCH rather spend money on my girls, cats, kitchen, or pretty things for the house.

When I wrote down my “toddler” score for wardrobe, I thought, “Girl, it’s time to start dressing yourself in a way you’ll feel really good about.”  When I was in high school and college (pre-babies, kitchen gadgets, throw pillows, art, lamps…), I loved clothes.  I had more Calvin Klein jeans than Brooke Shields, and shoes in every color.   Most of the workers in the mall stores knew me on a first name basis.

Keep going, until you’ve gotten to the good stuff - your highest numbers.  When you get to those, don’t just write, “Keep on keeping on…”  Think of ways to challenge yourself to keep growing in that area.  That way, when you start concentrating on bringing up your weak areas, your strong ones won’t suffer. 

If you give yourself a 10 for your knowledge, challenge yourself to start reading more than you do now.  It could be as simple as one of the following:

  • Find an educational program each week on the Discovery Channel or History Channel to watch.
  • Subscribe to a great new magazine.   My favorites are SUCCESS, Psychology Today, National Geographic, Time, Newsweek, American Heritage, Discover.  My husband gets a couple of interesting historical magazines:  Civil War Times and America’s Civil War.
  • Begin grabbing an extra newspaper when you get your regular paper.  USA Today is one of our favorites.

When you come face to face with a category in which you scored below 6, asking yourself why will help you figure out what you need to do.  If you aren’t as confident in, say, appearance as you’d like to be, ask “Why?”  A new hairstyle and/or adding or losing 10 pounds could go a long way in raising your confidence and score.  If you work hard, you could ring in the new year with a new you!

In the next post, I’ll write more ideas for higher numbers in the other categories.  I have to take my cat to the doctor right now.  Hmmm, now what will I wear?

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Soul Currency by Ernest D. Chou is a Powerful Book with Endless Insights and Advice

by joi on November 8, 2008

I just finished reading 3 really special books this week. Someone (cough..I have no idea who… cough) recently made the mistake of biting off more than she could chew. So I did what I had to do - I chewed anyway. On top of a very busy time for our web publishing/design business AND a cat with a broken leg, I began reading too many books at once.

Thank goodness each book was extremely good, otherwise they’d have carted off, thrown away or burned. Okay, I don’t actually burn books - but I needed a third option to go on the other side of “or.”

The first book I’d love to tell you about is Soul Currency: Investing Your Inner Wealth for Fulfillment and Abundance by Ernest D. Chou. I absolutely LOVED this book.

Did you know:

  • According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than two out of three working Americans are interested in changing careers - the highest rate ever according to the BLS.
  • Studies show the average working American will have 3-5 careers and 10-12 jobs in his or her lifetime… and still lack job satisfaction more often than not.
  • In answer to a Gallop organization lifestyle survey, more than 80 percent of the people polled said they would take a cut in pay to pursue a career they liked if they could still make a good living.

The author of Soul Currency, Ernest D. Chu is a leading finance expert and visionary. 

From the inside cover:

What is the best answer to rising gas prices, plummeting stock and real estate values, and not enough income? Soul Currency presents an exciting new way to understand how we open to abundant flow and fulfillment by focusing on our inner wealth — traits such as integrity, generosity, imagination, love, and intuition. These often overlooked traits are part of our soul currency, a term that refers to both a medium for exchanging value (as with money) and the circulation of a divine force in our lives, a force that bridges the material world of finance and the invisible world of Spirit. When we tap into the creative force of this “currency,” our lives unfold in the direction that we most desire.
In this transformational book, Chu explains how to recognize and overcome the false and limiting beliefs — the “counterfeit currency” — that hold us back. He helps you to identify your personalized “adventureprise” — the life that incorporates the adventure of pursuing your soul’s loftiest dreams with the enterprise of realizing your grandest ambitions — and to connect to the stakeholders who directly and indirectly support you.

Chu writes from his own experience: As a former member of the New York Stock Exchange and an entrepreneur, he took on over a million dollars in debt to avoid filing for bankruptcy when a start-up business failed. Expecting to work his entire life to pay back the debt, Chu followed the principles in this book and was able to resolve it within eighteen months.

When we finally learn to invest our spiritual capital without conditions, we build a life that brings not only materialwealth but also fulfillment and a deep sense of purpose.

Soul Currency is full of useful information, to be sure, but its power comes from the inspiration and motivation provided by the author. He basically takes the truth of one of the best quotes ever, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us,” and fleshes it out. He shows the reader how he or she can get the best out of themselves, irregardless of what the economy is or is not doing.

Read more about Soul Currency: Investing Your Inner Wealth for Fulfillment and Abundance by clicking the link.

I absolutely love reading your comments, so please keep them coming! To do so, please click the article's title, then scroll down to the bottom. Before leaving the site, please subscribe to our RSS Feed or sign up for the e-mail updates. The form for the e-mail updates is to the side. Just look for the flying Polar Bear (Doesn't everyone?).

E-Mail Viruses, Stimulus Checks, Blizzards, Vet Bills, and Flu Shots - Oh My!

by joi on November 7, 2008

Just a few things you might want to know about!

Get Your Flu Shot!

Am I going to start mothering you right off the bat? Even on a Friday morning? You betcha!

If you haven’t gotten your flu shot and you aren’t allergic to eggs - please do yourself a huge, huge favor and get your flu shot today. Don’t put it off any longer and don’t use any of these bogus claims:

  • The flu shot will give me the flu.  No, no, no, no, no.  They simply wouldn’t make a vaccine that gave you the evil they want you to avoid.  It’s all on the up and up and this is a very, very important shot to get.  It will keep you off of the sick bed for weeks.  Get the shot.
  • It’ll hurt!  A heck of a lot less than not being able to hold down food or water for days on end while your head throbs, your throat burns and you have chills so bad your teeth rattle.  I’m allergic to pain, so much so that when someone asks, “What’s your pain threshold?” my response is, “I don’t have one. Next question.”  The pain is no greater than a little stick in your arm.  Any pain you feel in your arm throughout the day barely even warrants a mention and what little there is can be easily chased away with Tylenol and ice.  Get the shot.
  • My pharmacy offers them for $25 - that’s $25 that could go to other things!  Sure it could, to temporary things that’ll be long gone and possibly forgotten when you’re suffering from the flu.  Also, count on this - if you get the flu, you’ll miss work AND spend a fortune on throat spray, Tylenol, Gatorade, soup (eventually) and possibly even the doctor.  Trust me, you’ll be spending $25 to save at least twice that much.  Get the shot.

If you have any elderly people in your life, make sure they get one as well.  The flu is especially dangerous for an older person.

Don’t Click That Link

Numerous spam e-mail campaigns have been uncovered that lure their potential victims with promises of Obama’s acceptance speech footage and election results. These pages will instruct viewers to download viruses disguised as video players, or other such programs.

What steps can you take to protect yourself? For one thing, don’t click links in e-mails. The villains of the world have gotten really crafty, so be on the look out and don’t fall for their tricks. Also, make sure your anti-virus software is up-to-date. The information and the warning come from Sophos.com.

The Snow is Coming! The Snow is Coming!

Blizzard have already hit parts of the country. I was amazed to see the images on CNN today. Wow, so soon!

Take the time now to prepare for what could come. We’re in the middle of preparing for winter and I hope you’ll get a jump on it as well.

  • Be sure your tires are in excellent shape.  My ride is at the mechanic’s at this very moment getting new tires and an alignment.  I’ll just pretend I know what purpose an alignment serves, it sounds like a dental term to me…
  • How’s your car’s battery?  Be sure it isn’t as old as Methuselah.
  • Stock up on groceries that won’t perish and can be consumed without electricity or gas.  Beannie Weannies, spam, peanut butter, crackers, canned fruit, canned beets, dried milk, cereal, etc.  I try to get mine in jars or pop top cans.  I have a hand-held can opener but I know how easily they lose themselves, so I want to be very cautious.
  • Be sure you have quite a few flashlights AND plenty of batteries.   You should keep one in several parts of your house and in your car.
  • Put a blanket in the trunk of your vehicle for emergencies.
  • Put back a little extra cash - all safe and snug. It’s always best to be prepared.  Sometimes life likes to get cute.

The Money Tree Takes a Hard Hit

This month is off to a pretty nasty start. As I told you, I think, in a recent post, by beloved youngest cat, Alexa, broke her leg in two places Sunday. The main thing - the only thing, really - I care about is that she gets better fast and back to her happy, busy, hyper little self. However, the vet bill was pretty amazing. No wonder she came driving up in such a nice vehicle. Frankly, I don’t begrudge her (or any professional) making good money - they deserve it. If she helps fix my broken little girl, then she deserves even more.

It did point out a very huge truth to me, though. All of us should have an emergency fund set in place. That way, when life gets nasty, we can at least pay for it without cutting into the money we need to live on.

I have an affiliate payment that’s just a little drop in the bucket each month. I don’t even think about it, so I can’t complain about its size, or lack thereof. When it’s deposited in my Pay Pal account each month, I always think, “There’s the little guy.” Like I say, I don’t even think about it, so it certainly won’t grow.

It hit me a few days ago, if I had been putting back just the little guy each month this year, I would have had the vet bill AND the new kennel we bought to serve as a hospital room for Alexa both covered. As it is, I have no idea where the 11 little guys went - they just went out and got wasted, whether it was at the store or a restaurant. They have nothing to say for themselves now.

But they could have been heroes… instead of zeroes.

I very much want to start setting up an emergency fund. During the holidays is going to be a ridiculously hard time to star such a fund, but it has to be done.

Stimulus Checks News

I’m not anticipating a Stimulus check, but for those who are, you need to read the story on WalletPop. Apparently, many people are still waiting for theirs and there’s a perfectly good reason why they haven’t come. The IRS took them. Don’t punch your monitor - you’ll get them, but you have to act fast. Click HERE to find out what happened and what you need to do.

Have a great Friday and get your flu shot!
Joi

I absolutely love reading your comments, so please keep them coming! To do so, please click the article's title, then scroll down to the bottom. Before leaving the site, please subscribe to our RSS Feed or sign up for the e-mail updates. The form for the e-mail updates is to the side. Just look for the flying Polar Bear (Doesn't everyone?).

A Wonderful John McCain Quote

by joi on November 6, 2008

This quote by John McCain is one of my favorite quotes from this entire presidential campaign. It’s one that we can (and should) all honestly say. Certainly most of us with more so assertion than this American hero!

“I owe this country more than it has ever owed me.” - John McCain

I absolutely love reading your comments, so please keep them coming! To do so, please click the article's title, then scroll down to the bottom. Before leaving the site, please subscribe to our RSS Feed or sign up for the e-mail updates. The form for the e-mail updates is to the side. Just look for the flying Polar Bear (Doesn't everyone?).

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