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self help advice

Thursday Throwback: A Grandfather’s Top Ten List That’s Pure Gold

by joi on January 7, 2010

in Books I Love, Helping Children, Positive Thought, Relationships, Thursday Throwback

The following is a wonderful article from a book from 1947. The book’s title, Words to Live By, sums up this author’s thoughts perfectly. They are, indeed, words to live by. The author, Will Durant, wrote these ten rules for his own grandchildren – but, as you’ll see, many of the rules apply to people of all ages.

Send a list to your own children and/or grandchildren. For that matter, send it to everyone you know. Personally, I think the world would be a much better place if every single one of us read through… then lived out… the following grandfatherly advice.

FOR VERY YOUNG PHILOSOPHERS by Will Durant

EDITOR’s NOTE: Mr. Durant, as everyone knows, is the distinguished author of an impressive list of important books, including the multivolumed The Story of Civilization. But when we asked him to contribute some thoughts to the “Words to Live By” page, he stepped out of his role as philosopher and historian into that of grandfather. The advice he gives here was written for his own three grandchildren.

Begin the day with cleanliness. Keep your bathroom immaculate.
Before leaving your room in the morning put all discarded clothing into a dresser or a closet.
Dress yourself neatly; other people can judge us only by what they see, until they know us well; and their judgments will affect our progress and our happiness.
Enter into the life of the family and the community with good cheer; make little of your troubles, much of your good fortune.
Do not speak while another is speaking. Discuss, do not dispute. Absorb and acknowledge whatever truth you can find in opinions different from your own.
Be courteous and considerate to all, especially to those who oppose you.
Reduce to a minimum your reading, hearing, and watching of material intended for immature minds. The mind is formed by what it takes in. Don’t be a wastebasket.
Do some studying every day; grow old while learning.
Combine external modesty with internal pride. Your modesty will make it easier for those around you to bear with you; your internal pride will stir you to shun meanness and sloth.
You will find the Golden Rule the simplest and surest secret of happiness.

**********************

Reduce to a minimum your reading, hearing, and watching of material intended for immature minds. The mind is formed by what it takes in. Don’t be a wastebasket. Leave it to a grandfather to beautifully sum up what the rest of us have been trying to convey for two forevers. I love this!

Thursday Throwback to 1923: How to Get What You Want in Life

by joi on December 10, 2009

in Articles, Positive Thought, Thursday Throwback

Bridge

Today’s Thursday Throwback is from a real powerhouse of motivation: Elsie Lincoln Benedict. This is an excerpt from a lesson-lecture that she delivered to students in various cities of the United States long, long, long ago. Don’t let the multiple longs fool you, though. The advice, the motivation, the inspiration, and the grit will leave an impression on you. I plan to publish more of this amazing lady’s teachings on Self Help Daily because she simply moves me. When I read Elsie Lincoln Benedict’s writings, I feel much as Brad Pitt must have felt the first time he saw Angelina Jolie. My world? She rocketh it.

I will type in Elsie Lincoln’s Benedict’s words as they appear in the texts I have.When I skip around a little (because some illustrations simply aren’t built for time traveling), you’ll see a family of dots….. just call them The Dots and follow them to the next room. Once or twice you’ll notice something in parenthesis – this is where I pitch in my two cents for clarification. Having read the entire series of lectures, some things may be clearer to me – and I thought I’d wipe the window, so that you can see more clearly as well.

When the writing/teaching begins, Elise Lincoln Benedict is addressing the subject of “Making Your Desires Materialize.”

Enjoy!

HOW TO MAKE YOUR DESIRES MATERIALIZE by Elsie Lincoln Benedict, 1923

The distance we cover (in the pursuit of our desires) depends on the number of hurdles we are able to take and the speed with which we cover the distance between.

We may run along for quite a while on smooth ground, thinking “Everything’s going to be smooth from here on,” but pretty soon looming up ahead we descry an obstacle. It may be a low one which we scarcely notice. Or it may be a high one. If we refuse to scale it, thinking it looks impossible, or if we are tired of running, we can stop right there and our progress ends….

But if we draw upon our courage we will always find that this hurdle, high and forbidding though it appears, is nothing compared to the first ones (previous obstacles, trials and tribulations). Because we have developed strength from jumping those before – a strength we are not aware of till we put it to the test, but which never fails us if we take a good jump and try for it….

There come times in every human life when the game doesn’t seem worth the candle. But it is. When the price looks bigger than the prize. But it never is.

The price is always less, when you come right down to paying it, than it looks to be – just as a piece of work looks impossible as long as you postpone it but is suddenly easy when you begin.

Life always lets you make your own decisions and she takes you at your word. Your words always express themselves in your secret attitudes.

To try to fool others is bad enough, but to fool yourself is fatal. You never can really fool your subconsciousness. It knows whether you really want a thing or not, and whether you are in earnest.

If you are not it lets you alone. But if you are it will find a way. It will help you get what you really want MOST.

You may not believe it at first glance, but many poverty-stricken, sick, shiftless failures already have what they want most in life.

They won’t admit it to you, but in their inmost souls they know it is true.

They don’t really want riches, health, and success MOST. They only WISH they wanted these things most.

What they really want most of all is doing what they please with their time, taking things easy, sleeping late, overeating, being free of responsibilities – and they are getting every one of them!

They delude themselves with the notion that they are getting them for nothing – that success, health and happiness would cost more. But the fact is that they are paying the highest price for the worst articles when the very best could be had at a bargain.

If you have ever seen a man trying to get out of work, you know that he worked twice as hard at it as those who pitched in and did something….

Your great subconscious will get for you the things you want MOST in life. It will do so more completely and more quickly than you can believe. It will do so with unerring accuracy and unfaltering, unswerving perfection.

If you want happiness, success, fame, it will show you how to get them. They must be paid for, but the price is not as high as you think, not even as great as that we pay for failure.

I often think of the world as a colossal department store. In it are all the things we want, displayed on the counters within reach of all, and to be had the moment we pay for them.

If we really want the things we SAY we want, we will do what we always do to get the things we want in the store – walk up and pay for them and TAKE them.

You see something you say you want. But if you are not willing to pay for it, Life knows you only wish for it.

- – - – - – - – - –

I’ll continue the lecture next Thursday. Trust me, it only gets better!

A Self Help Lesson Courtesy of Booker T. Washington

by joi on August 29, 2009

in Books I Love, Daily Quote, Positive Thought, Self Help

“I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.” - Booker T. Washington

Booker T Washington One of my pet peeves is hatred. The crazy thing is, I don’t just cringe when I see one person hating another one. I don’t just feel uncomfortable around someone who hates people who look, love, or believe differently from them. And I don’t just want to throw things when people show hatred toward animals.

I’m ill at ease in the company of any sort of hatred. Sure, I know I carry it too far – I call it my Mary Poppins complex and I’ve carried it too far to put it down now.

My most extreme anger and disgust is, of course, saved for those who hate and harm children, other individuals, and animals. I always wonder, “Who do haters think they are?!”

Think about it this way. Everything’s relevant. If any of us hate someone we feel is “beneath us” (whether it’s in intelligence, wit, charm, looks, money, power, etc..) – do we not realize that there are those out there who have more on the ball than us? Would we want to be on the receiving end of their ridicule or snarls? Would we want them to talk down to us or make fun of us? Would we want them to snap at us if we were to ask a simple question or berate us if we made a mistake?

No one is perfect and, make no mistake about it, no one has the right to hate anyone else.

I once wrote a post in which I said that we shouldn’t hate other people – under any circumstances. I heard from a woman who listed about 20 types of people she hated. When I said that we never know what others have gone through to get to where they are, she got so mad that I’m pretty sure I joined the list. She wanted no part of anything that resembled compassion and seemed to cringe at the thought of loving others. In the end, I asked her if she realized how hard she was fighting for HATE. She said, “Yes I do.”

So, I hope she’s happy being hateful.

That’s the thing. Since my daughters were old enough to talk, I’ve always taught them to find as few foods, colors, books, and so on that they claim to hate. They were weaned on the Mary Poppins Complex.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it as long as I’m able to write, type, speak, or gesture: The more things we hate – the more hate resides inside of us. At the risk of sounding like a First Grade Reader….. Hate is ugly. Love is beautiful.

Booker T. Washington is one of my personal heroes. He was a brilliant, brilliant man with an incredible mind. Unfortunately, he lived during a time when the color of his skin brought out a lot of hatred and ugliness from people with not so incredible minds.

When I think of the nasty looks, hateful comments, and cruel injustices that Booker T. Washington and other blacks had to endure during this period of time, it makes me want to cry a river. You and I will probably never know the sort of hatred Mr. Washington saw first-hand. But he wasn’t bitter and he wasn’t filled with anger and hatred.

Rather, he said, “I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.”

The next time you feel hatred rising in your heart toward a co-worker, neighbor, driver in front of you (!!!), family member, etc – remember Booker T. Washington’s words and ask yourself, “Is it worth belittling my own soul?”

Not even the worst driver on earth is worth that, and I was nearly hit by her this morning.

I’ll leave off with excerpts of an article written by author Sloan Wilson (“The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit“):

A long while ago, I had a job I didn’t like and a boss who seemed to me to be a major menace. For months I would come home and tell my wife about the horrible new attrocities he had committed.

“I really hate this guy,” I often said to my wife, and when she remonstrated, I added, “He’s just a guy who was made to hate!”

It was right after one of these stormy sessions that I happened to read these words, “I will allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.” I have never been so strongly affected by one sentence, for in a flash it showed me how small and mean I had become.

At just about this time I began to work harder at my writing during evenings and weekends. When I stopped wasting energy on hatred, I found I had lots more strength for better things. – Sloan Wilson, “On Hate” (Words to Live By, 1956)

Wonderfully Sound Advice From a Grandfather’s Wise Lips

by joi on August 2, 2009

in Relationships, Self Help

My husband and our youngest daughter, Stephany, were recently dining at O’Charley’s here in Owensboro. I’d dance across broken glass for their rolls. Fortunately our server didn’t hold me to it.

After we had been there about 5 minutes, a family was seated beside us: A grandfather, a grandmother, and their pride and joys – two grandsons. One grandson was about 4 and the other was around 9. The 4 year old was having a great time showering his grandmother with smiles and love. The older boy was kind of surly. You got the impression that he had been pulled away from something electronic to go to supper with his grandparents.

He sat by the wall, beside his grandfather, but apparently decided that he just HAD to get out and sit at the end of the table. So he made a big production out of squeezing between his grandfather’s chair and the wall – sniping at a man who was showing remarkable patience. Then, when the child got to the end of the table, he put on a mini-drama of looking at his obnoxious belt buckle as though it had been scratched up in the process.

By this time, I had a feeling something was about to come out of the grandfather’s mouth. He didn’t disappoint.

The grandfather looked at the little drama brat and said, “Suck it up.”

My daughter and I practically high-fived. The child, not sure what had hit him, sat down and FINALLY wrapped up his performance.

Several things hit me (between rolls):

What’s with parents these days?! I would say, “What’s with kids these days?” – but kids are kids and are, in a big sense of the word, like clay. As parents, we form them into what they are and will be. If you are a parent and you are reading these words – PLEASE (for your child’s sake as well as everyone else’s) teach them manners. Teach them to respect other people, especially their grandparents. No parent should want to raise a child that’ll look as ugly and bratty as that child did that night. Our daughters would have never, ever treated their grandparents with anything but graciousness, love, and respect.
The grandfather’s advice is pure gold. Not only was his phrase dead-on for that mini brat, it was dead on for bigger brats as well. Adults can be just as bratty as any child could ever hope to be. There aren’t a lot of differences between a rude little boy showing his backside in a restaurant or a rude big boy showing his backside at work. Or a mother screaming at her kids in the middle of a store (really, ladies, get a grip).

I love grandfathers. They have a certain, no-nonsense way about them. They serve up, usually with just a handful of words, the sort of lessons that the rest of us spend thousands of words on. They don’t flap around, yell, or have overly-dramatic moments. They don’t tear up or say things like, “…after all I’ve done for you…” No, not these guys. After all, they were weaned on John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. There’s not an ounce of drama queen in them.

They simply size up the situation and say what needs to be said.

The next time any of us are tempted to whine about anything (weather, bills, hurt feelings, dust bunnies, gas prices, etc.) we should let the grandfather’s words ring through our head. Oh, yeah. We should most definitely Suck it up.

What’s the best advice your grandfather ever gave you? Or, if you’re a grandfather – what’s the best advice you every gave? Let us know in the comments!

O'Charleys Rolls

How to Put Your Best Brain Cell Forward

by joi on June 22, 2009

in General, Self Help

We all want to present ourselves in the best possible way. We want people to realize how smart we are – heck, we want them to think we’re even smarter than we actually are. If they walk away thinking they’ve just been in the presence of a frigging genius? Sweet.

Increase Brain Power.com has a great article, Get Smarter or Appear Smarter, that you’ll want to read. There’s some fantastic advice within these 10 tips. Below are a few of my favorites, click the link above for the rest.

#7. Specialize in some obscure area. If you know even a little bit about the history of the Inuit people or the origin of gold mining, you’ll likely be the only one in the room who does. Not only does this set you apart, but any errors you make will go undetected. Of course, while talking a bit about your “specialty” may impress, you might also bore your audience with too much, so take it easy.

#1. Talk about what you know. You will always appear smarter if you stick to topics you know something about. In fact, if there are areas in which you are very knowledgeable, try to steer the conversation in that direction.

So, how about it? Do you have any words of wisdom you’d like to share? What do you do to present yourself in the brightest light? Leave your advice in the comments!

Protecting Children from Other Children

by joi on May 7, 2009

in Helping Children, Relationships

Young boy.

I was recently horrified by something I saw on television. It made my hands clammy, my stomach sick, and broke my heart into a billion pieces. I couldn’t sleep that night because my mind wouldn’t let go of the heart-breaking tragedy and senseless suffering. It wasn’t a horror movie, an episode of Fringe (love), or even a Swine Flu story. It was beyond anything these could ever dream up.

It was the story of a young boy who killed himself. Unless you’re familiar with the story, you may initially think the young boy was in his early twenties or a teenager. Would it stop you cold in your tracks to know he was a fifth grader? Hence the clammy hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m greatly disturbed by anyone committing suicide – after all, the next day or even the next hour could right the ship and turn their life entirely around. The next person they spoke to could have JUST the thing they need to hear. Suicide is one of the most senseless and heartbreaking things I can imagine. Murdering yourself? I can’t even imagine the sort of extreme pain and helplessness that goes on inside of someone’s mind right before they end their own life. But a child? What a complete and total tragedy.

In this case, this little boy was the victim of bullies at school. According to his mother, he had complained to the school authorities but they had failed to do anything. If that’s the case, it’s something they’ll live with forever.

However, can I say something without seeming like a total jerk? If my child were being bullied at school, I wouldn’t have left it to the school authorities. I would have gone to the parents of the bullies: Face to face. Never leave something entirely up to someone else, chances are they’ll fail you – don’t give them that chance.

In everyone’s defense, this is an entirely different generation that we’re dealing with here. Think back to an episode of Andy Griffith – the one where Opie is being bullied by a little chump who wants Opie’s lunch money. Andy decides to let Opie take care of it and, by the end of the show, Opie has a black eye – but he also has his lunch money.

I’m afraid that a lot of parents and school authorities seem to think they’re in Mayberry in the 1960s. Can you say, Far freaking from it?

The little boy who hung himself was being called ugly, gay and “the Virgin” (because he was from the Virgin Islands) at school. On his last day on earth, he didn’t want to go to school. I’m certain it was far too painful. When he came home from school, he went up to his room and hung himself with a belt in his closet. A fourth grader! A baby! And I’m getting sick again.

I wasn’t going to write about this simply because it’s such a painful and tragic subject. However, I can’t NOT write about it. Why? Because it’s such a painful and tragic subject – and one I hope to never see or read about ever again. I’m urging everyone to speak out against bullying, name calling, and intolerance. In our society, in our daily conversations, in our blogging, in our jokes, and so on.

How many times does the average person use derogatory, ugly names in regards to someone who looks different from them?
How many times does a child hear their parents criticize another person because they look different from how THEY think they should look?
How often does a son hear his dad make jokes about the sexual orientation of another person – treating them as though they aren’t even human?
How often does a daughter see hear mother use racial slurs?

Why can’t more people simply live their own life, enjoy themselves, have fun, try to help make the world a better, happier place and allow others to do the same? WHY bully? WHY make fun of people? WHY sneer at others? WHY tell jokes that aren’t even remotely funny? People who have ever taken part in this sort of thing – I wish they could have watched the news story with me, because afterward I would have loved to have asked them, “Are you still laughing?’

This little boy looked different from the other kids and they pounced on him like wolves on a rabbit. Like so many adults, they seemed to think they were the “norm,” that they were somehow superior – so they belittled, bullied, picked, and prodded an innocent child. To death.

If you have children, grandchildren, or younger brothers and sisters, keep the lines of communication open. Explain to them the dangers (and vileness) of bullying and calling other people names. For crying out loud, be certain that you don’t do it, yourself – not even jokingly. Trust me, it isn’t funny.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy such as this to educate people. Let’s make sure that that is exactly what happens. Personally, I think that most people (especially children) who bully are actually very unhappy. More times than not, they’re trying to fill a void in their own life. All the more reason to reach out to them.

Children should be taught that:

Everyone is different. It’s what makes the world a fascinating and interesting place to live. They are JUST as different and original as anyone else they see.
Racism and intolerance are ugly, far uglier than the worst monster they can imagine. Hatred makes the individual who owns it ugly. Point out to them that it’s the same as holding a red marker in your hand, without its lid. The ink comes out and stains your hand. If we hold hatred in our hearts and minds, ugliness and bitterness come out and stain all of us – not just our hands.
Illustrate your point with a box of crayons. Show the child how beautiful all of the different colors are. Ask him or her how interested they’d be in a box where each and every crayon was the same color?! Each pictured they colored would be entirely in that color alone. Boring.
They should know that they will be punished if you ever find out they have bullied or made fun of another person. Let the child know that you have ZERO tolerance for them being cruel to another person. Tell them that if this ever happens, they’ll find out exactly what grounded means!
Children should know that television is totally make believe. Reality television is kind of blurring the lines for children, I’m afraid. How could it not?! It blurs the lines for some adults. Always be extremely careful what young children watch on television and try to always watch their shows with them. Don’t hesitate to hit pause during a show or movie to explain a situation to them.

Adults should know that:

Children are watching you.
Children are listening to you.
Children look up to you and imitate you, whether you realize it or not.

Hug the children in your life, take them out for a sundae, and have a really long talk with them. Chocolate therapy and hugs can make a difference…. and believe me one needs to be made.

Self Improvement Advice From a Rocking Chair in North Carolina

by joi on April 15, 2009

in Daily Quote, Positive Thought, Self Help

Wooden Dog In a recent newsletter article, author Mary Southerland told about an experience she’d had several years ago. She was living in the mountains of North Carolina (a breathtakingly beautiful part of the country). One of her passions was old-world country stores and the gorgeous handmade “treasures” that filled them.

On one occasion, she was exploring some off roads in search of just such treasure and found herself on a dirt road.

She saw a bearded man sitting on the porch in a rocker with a pile of wooden logs by his side. By the porch railing she noticed a large collection of beautifully carved wooden dogs. The mountain artisan asked her to join him and to feel free to ask any questions.

As she tells it, she had only one, “How in the world do you carve these beautiful dogs out of those ordinary pieces of wood?”

His priceless response? “Well, Missy, it’s pretty simple. I just take me a piece of wood and cut away everything that doesn’t look like a dog.”

Hmph. So I’ve been searching and pondering and pondering and searching for years to put my finger on the secret to self improvement and a man in the mountains of North Carolina knew the secret the entire time?

I can see it now. He’d be sitting across from me at my dining room table. I’d pour him a cup of coffee and give him a slice of Coconut Cake. Hopefully he wouldn’t mind cats, because I’m sure Alexa would be all over him. I’d take a long drink of coffee and ask him, “So, what do you think is the secret to self improvement? Which do you think is more important, positive affirmations, visualization, or motivational speakers? What’s your favorite self help book and who’s your favorite self help author? Have you ever heard of vision boards? How do you feel about mood journals? — What? Oh, yes sir, God did give me the gift of gab. — What’s your favorite motivational quote? How do you feel about goal setting?”

Then, as he finished his Coconut Cake, he’d wipe his mouth and say, “Well, Missy, it’s pretty simple. I just take me a piece of wood and cut away everything that doesn’t look like a dog.”

I’d look at him the way my husband often looks at me, with question marks instead of pupils. I’d start to remind him that this was his approach to making wooden dogs… but then it’d hit me between my question marks. It’s also the way to making the life you want to make.

What if we took a look at our life and cut away everything that didn’t look like the life we wanted? What if we took a long, hard look at ourself and cut away everything that didn’t look like the person we wanted to be?

You can’t put a price on that kind of treasure.

Road Rules: Be the Truck Not the Squirrel by Andrew J. Sherman

by joi on January 24, 2009

in Book Reviews, Books I Love, Self Help

Road Rules by Andrew J. Sherman

Earlier this month, my husband’s car hit an oily patch in the road, so it decided to dive into a deep ditch. Car, totaled. Husband, sore. Wife, completely shaken.

I didn’t think January 2009 and I were going to get along. However, things have picked up considerably.

The inauguration has left me, and the country I love so much, hopeful and proud. It seems to me that everyone’s walking a little taller and daring to hope with a few less reservations. Irregardless of which party you’re aligned with or which wonderful man you voted for, that’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve also seen what proved to be one of my favorite movies ever (Gran Torino). Given the fact that Clint Eastwood is one of my three favorite actors, ever, I’m especially thrilled.

Recently, the positive vibe continued in a very big, literary way, when I had the pleasure of reading a fantastic book, Road Rules: Be the Truck. Not the Squirrel. Learn the 12 Essential Rules for Navigating the Road of Life by Andrew J. Sherman. This is an intelligent, incredibly well-written, humorous, motivating, and inspiring book. If self improvement is high on your list, this should be the next book you read.

Many times, when I’m reading a book, a particular phrase or word will keep popping into my mind. While reading Road Rules, the words/phrases were “Brilliant!” and “Ooooh.” Okay, so maybe Oooooh doesn’t qualify for a word or a phrase, but it certainly qualifies for this book. I was struck, again and again, by the clever analogies author Andrew J. Sherman uses while comparing living to driving.

Trying to pick a favorite section of the book would be like trying to pick a favorite aspect of eating chocolate, but I do want to share one of the favorites. In Chapter 3, Happiness is a Clear Windshield, the author points out ways we become complacent – behind the wheel as well as in life. He points out how this impedes our vision. After giving maddening examples of how drivers allow their vision to be hindered (by not taking 10 extra minutes to clean their windshield, for example), he brings the subject, beautifully, into real life terms:

If you need to refill your metaphorical windshield wiper fluid, replace worn down wiper blades, or get your defogger to work properly, then be proactive and make it happen. If you have the power to remove impediments to your vision, do so without delay. Never, ever be complacent or reactive in accepting a clouded outlook when you have the ability to enjoy clear sight….

Our ability to thrive, perform, succeed and enjoy life relies on our ability to see things clearly, to make the right decisions and to have all of the information and perspectives available to make these decisions. If we have the power to remove the impediments to our vision, we should do so with gumption and without delay.

About the Author

Andrew J. Sherman is a world recognized public speaker and author. He has been an adjunct professor at the University of Maryland’s Smith School of Business for over 20 years. He has been quoted as a thought leader in countless publications, including the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and the Washington Post. He has appeared on numerous television shows such as CNN an CNBC as well as many radio shows.

Andrew J. Sherman has authored 17 books on business strategy, business growth, and strategic planning. His fans (and I’m a card waving member) are hoping to see a Road Rules for Business in the near future.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that in 2002, Fortune Magazine named Andrew J. Sherman as one of the Top Ten Minds in the nation? More Books by Andrew J. Sherman

PREFACE

For most of us, our daily commute or a drive to the mall is not a particularly enlightening experience. We are more likely to suffer from boredom, road rage, frustration, or even a fender bender than we are to embrace life’s most meaningful lessons. But what if I told you that virtually everything you needed to know about navigating the road of life could be learned during a routine errand run, behind the comfort of your steering wheel?
So many of our core life lessons are reinforced by the simple act of driving a vehicle:

when to speed up and when to slow down
when to yield and when to come to a complete stop
when to add gas and when to add oil
when to allow another to pass you by and when to make your move
when to proceed with caution because children are playing or there is construction ahead
when to give your keys to a friend to avoid driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol
when and how to communicate when it is not clear who has the right of way

The lessons that we learn on the road that get us to our destination are in fact the same lessons that we need to understand to achieve our goals in life. The rules that we must follow to maintain our driver’s licenses—our privilege of sharing the road with others—are the same rules we need to embrace to lead an enlightened and productive life.
Road Rules was written to provide insights into the process of transforming what we know to be the best practices and habits of safe and purposeful driving into living a meaningful and goal-driven life. A life that is devoted to helping others, helping ourselves, and achieving financial and wealth goals.
It is my hope that this collection of insights and stories will help you navigate through life’s challenges, roadblocks, twists and turns, steep declines, and upward opportunities. My goal is to help you look at things just a bit differently and to solve problems just a bit more creatively.

Sometimes adjusting the compass dial only a few degrees in one direction or another can put you on a much more efficient path and be the key to survival and prosperity.
Think back to your first driving lesson. You take your place behind the wheel, learning the critical difference of when to accelerate and when to brake. You learn how to drive on a straight and focused path and the importance of taking into account the actions of others around you. The excitement of hearing the engine for the first time when you start the car is offset only by the nervousness of wanting to avoid hitting something or someone, which will surely cause damage.

So many aspects of the basic steps in driving a vehicle also parallel many of life’s more critical lessons—which are all wrapped up in an activity that most of us take for granted and without giving it a second thought. We seem to have lost sight of our ability to find joy and excitement from the simple act of driving. You are traveling just inches above the road at 65 mph on an open stretch of road on a beautiful day! Let’s learn to reconnect with the happiness to be found in the simple things in life that make our quest for the more complex easier to handle.

Buy this extremely important, profound, humorous, and wonderful book on Amazon: Road Rules: Be the Truck. Not the Squirrel. Learn the 12 Essential Rules for Navigating the Road of Life – if, that is, you want more from life.

How to Live Longer and How to Live Better Part 2

by joi on January 13, 2009

in Fitness, General, Health

Laugh IS the Best Medicine

One of my favorite sayings, and one that I suppose would be my third motto (in addition to Give me coffee and Give me chocolate) is “Live, Love, and Laugh.” To me, these three words just say it all. I just don’t see any way to have one of them without the other two, and if you could – why would you want to?

Laughter is one of those things that makes you feel good from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. When you’re in the middle of a great laugh, nothing else matters in the world. That’s what makes it such a mentally healthy thing to do. It’s the best way to keep worries and anxieties at arm’s length. It’s puzzling to me, but some people just don’t seem to know how to laugh and have fun with life. They’re far too serious and far too critical. I’d get ticked at them, but I kind of feel sorry for them.

Each day, look for things to laugh about. Turn on an Andy Griffith, Sanford and Son, or I Love Lucy rerun. Pop in a Friends dvd. Look for Dane Cook or Bill Cosby on YouTube. Loosen up and Laugh! Not only will your family, friends and co-workers enjoy your company more – you’ll feel better, live longer, and be oh so much happier.

Hang Out With Your Elders

In Part 1, we talked about hanging out with young people. (I guarantee, they’ll keep you young at heart and in mind.) Now, it’s time for the flip side. We should do ourselves a world of good by enjoying the company of older people as well. They’re precious, too! They have so much wisdom and wit to share with us, if we just slow down and take the time to allow them to do so. We think we have all the answers, don’t we? Heck, we don’t even know all of the questions!

If you have older family members or friends, ask their advice and seek out their knowledge. They’ve been around longer, seen more, and experienced more. Chances are they have a lot they could teach us and would feel overjoyed to do just that.

Don’t Worry, Be Proactive

It would be easy to say, “Don’t ever worry,” but that’s pretty close to nonesense. Sometimes we’re going to worry! If it’s a really, really stormy evening and one of my daughters was due home over an hour ago but is nowhere in sight, I’m not going to be doing cartwheels in the front yard. Worry will have crept into my heart and onto my face – I don’t have any problem admitting that. The key is, when we feel a good old case of worry (or the frets) coming on – we need to take action. In the scenario above, the unhealthy thing to do would be to sit and stare at the driveway. The healthier approach would be to call the daughter in question and find out where she is and if she needs to pull over. This is also where I’d tell her that her dad could come get her (after all, he’d have his shoes on and keys in his hand at this point).

We need to address that which worries us face to face – you know, see what it has to say for itself. Many times, we’ll find that its bark is worse than its bite. Other times, we’ll find that some sort of action is called for on our end. Then we know what we have to do… act!

Drink More Water

Okay, I have a problem with this one. Water? Are you kidding me? Not when there’s Diet Dr. Pepper, tea, and (what’s that other beverage called??) coffee! My husband forwarded me an article the other day that gave a great idea, though. It said that if you didn’t care for water (guilty), you should sweeten it with Stevia, a natural sweetener, and add some frozen blueberries or raspberries. I thought that was a delicious idea and I honestly plan to try it.

Drink More Tea

Antioxidants, antioxidants, antioxidants. If you aren’t a big tea drinker, become one! Experiment with green tea, white tea, black tea, Rooibos tea. The benefits of drinking tea are simply far too reaching for me to list all in one post, so to read more, visit Tea USA. The page I’ve linked you to goes right to an article about the health benefits of tea.

For more on eating healthy, click HERE.

Even Small Changes Can Help You Cope with Stress

by joi on October 21, 2008

in General, Self Help

Stress As you probably know, I work from home. For over 12 years, my sole job was homeschooling and raising our three daughters. It didn’t pay, monetarily – it paid much better than that. The transition to working in a homebased web publishing and web design business proved a little tough at first. Truth be told, it can still be hard to discipline myself to sit at my desk and work when there are so many other cool things I could be doing!

However, I soon realized a corelation between how many hours I put in and how much money I have for “extras” in life. I do ever so love extras, so I’ve gotten pretty good at logging in the necessary hours. Plus, it helps that I absolutely love to write, research, and build blogs, websites, and even better – online relationships.

However, a few months ago, around 3′ish, I got up from my “work time” to head into the kitchen and begin supper. I didn’t feel satisfied like I usually did – you know, the feeling you get after putting in a good, honest day’s work. Actually, I felt overwhelmed and mentally fatigued. All I could think about was the correspondence I didn’t get done, the links I didn’t have time to add, blog plugins that were being hateful, etc.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a one day thing. I noticed that I started feeling this way just about every single day. Also, instead of being eager to turn the computer on, round up my coffee, information, books, and so forth – I started walking past the computer and kind of snarling at it. One day, it was acting up and I thought something was horribly wrong with it – the smile faded when it responded to a reboot.

I think it was evening the score for the snarls.

I knew that something wasn’t quite right because I normally race, coffee cup in hand, to get my day started. I answer my e-mail, update sites that need to be updated, write my reviews, compose my posts and articles, make graphics, install plugins, read and research, etc – all with a big smile on my face and a fat cat on my desk.

I had a heart to heart with myself – not out loud, of course, the kids worry when I do that. I came to suspect that I’d overextended myself. I sat down with my to do lists for the past week and realized that I was trying to do WAY too much. I looked at the front of my planner and saw that I, at that time, had a total of 16 blogs and 22 websites. All of that on top of being mom, wife, cook, homemaker, and someone who vaguely remembered how fun past times were.

The very next day, I started weeding through my websites and blogs. I asked myself, “Which of these would I be devastated if they were gone tomorrow?” I realized that there were quite a few that, when I got to them on the list, I would answer, “Eh” or “I’d never miss it.” So, when tomorrow came, they were indeed gone. I got rid of 5 blogs and even more websites. They had come to “cost” me more than they “rewarded” me.

Almost immediately, the old feelings of enthusiasm returned – before and after the work day. My computer and I became kindred spirits again. The feelings of being overwhelmed and stretched like a rubber band went away.

Sometimes making small, seemingly insignificant moves can alleviate stress in surprising ways.

If you’re feeling stressed in any way, take a good, close look at your life. What areas are causing you stress? Find ways to alleviate any stress you can – remember, every little move helps.

Is your workload too heavy? If it is, lightening it will actually work out better in the long run. Being able to give MORE of yourself to FEWER projects results in better projects and a better you.
Do you worry too much about others? Even if it’s your own children, try to make yourself realize that they will make mistakes, just as you have done. What’s more, they’ll survive and learn from them, just as you have.
Is your house causing you a never-ending battle? Recruit help from other family members – don’t nag, that never looks attractive – just point out that you’re so busy lately that you’d appreciate it greatly if they’d help you out some. Then, when they do, praise their socks off! If you want results, you’ll get more with honey than with horseradish.
Try to set aside a little time each evening to just enjoy life. Take a few hours and do something that others might call “wasting time.” I love to kick back and watch tv with my youngest daughter. It’s great to spend time with her and it’s a nice experience to just do nothing. If your first reaction is, “I can’t take 2 hours to just do nothing, I have to do this and I have to do that…” – then I have to tell you, you’re heading (and speeding to get there) for trouble. If you don’t have the signs of being stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, or tempermental yet – they’re just around the corner. Hopefully, you’ll change your course before that corner arrives.

It’s funny, isn’t it, that so many people think they can’t slow down. They seem to equate being busy as treading water and fear that if they slow down, they’ll go under.

In actuality, they’ll find that they have more time to swim.

Oddly enough, I think part of the problem lies within this quote about computers, “No matter how fast your computer system runs, you will eventually come to think of it as slow.” Our generation has become so accustomed to fast forward and has gotten so used to dancing to the “Git ‘r done” tune that many of us see slowing down as standing still. Needless to say, we need to adjust that thinking before it’s too late.

We’d hate to have that realization hit us one day with one arm in a blood pressure cup as the other gestures in a how-did-this-happen motion. It’d be even worse, in my opinion, to have it dawn on us one day when our child is reliving his or her childhood and we realize that we’d missed a big chunk of the scenery.

The time to slow down is today. Tomorrow will be brighter because of it.

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