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Are You Trying to Put a Square Peg in a Round Hole?

March 19, 2010 By 8 Comments

I’m a great lover of books, but you probably already know that… I recommend one nearly twice a week and always have one or two nearby.  I’m also a great believer of education – mostly self-education.  However, I’m convinced that the greatest education isn’t found in a book or a university.  The greatest education is found in life.  I’ve been reminded of that a couple of times lately.

One of these lessons is a simple one.  A kindergarten lesson, no less:  Square pegs don’t go in round holes.

Have you ever found yourself trying to cram a square peg into a round hole – trying to do something that’s just outside the realms of the possible?

Maybe you’ve gotten caught up in the trap we all do from time to time – trying to be someone we aren’t.  We put on this facade, thinking that we’re fooling everyone when in fact we aren’t fooling anyone, especially ourselves.  The facade doesn’t fit and we’re incredibly uncomfortable yet we seem to be unable to just step out of it and be ourselves.  We get this ridiculous image of who we SHOULD be or who others EXPECT us to be – then we fight a silly battle to try to fit into that skin instead of our own.

Have you ever seen someone in ill-fitting clothing?  Maybe it’s a 17 year old boy with pants falling down below his rear.  He walks kind of duck-like trying to keep them from sliding down.

Why not buy pants that fit you – instead of trying to fit pats that aren’t suited for you?

Maybe it’s a woman who’s trying to fit into her daughter’s jeans.  She shuffles down the aisle at the grocery store, barely able to walk OR breath. You know that if she drops something and has to pick it up, she’ll be buying her daughter a new pair of jeans.

Why not buy jeans that are your size instead of trying to squeeze into jeans that are someone else’s size?

I’m sure that, like me, you can’ t help snickering at the imagery.  Yet, we’re just as guilty aren’t we?  Maybe not in the clothes we wear, but we’ve certainly fallen into other sections of the tap.  After all, we’re human.  Below are some of the most common instances of trying to fit square pegs into round holes, skinny bums into huge pants and huge bums into skinny pants:

  • The individual who wants to save a few dollars and tries to be his own plumber, roofer, web designer, mechanic, and/or electrician.  If you have a career – stick to it. Do what you do and let others do what they do. Think about it.  If you try to do other people’s jobs (jobs you aren’t trained for, experienced in, or proficient at) a few things are going to happen: [1] Odds are you’re going to mess up and have to contact them anyway. [2] During the time you’re spending doing THEIR job, who’s doing YOUR’S?
  • The spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend who try to be someone different around their guy or gal.  Who are you fooling?!  Be who you truly are. If you are with someone who wants you to be a different person, that’s a big problem.  Throwing on a make believe persona isn’t the answer.  It’ll slide off in time and then where will you be?  On the wrong side of wasted time, ridiculous facades, and bad acting.
  • Maybe you’re the type of person who bites off too much.  We (I’m going with we here because this is where I wiggle into the wrong jeans…) think, “If this is good…. this, this, and this will be better!”  Not necessarily. I made a Red Velvet Cake recently and made a double amount of cream cheese frosting. Why? I wanted to erase all doubts about having enough – that, plus my daughter Brittany is a Frosting Finger Swiper.  I bake all the time and one of my biggest pet peeves is when I have to try to stretch something to go further than it’s capable of going.  I despise coming up with less frosting or toppings than I need.  I find myself spreading delicious frosting so thin that it can’t even be tasted or appreciated.  Then, I’d try to overcompensate by piling on chocolate chips, walnuts, or coconut.  Fancy facades are always second best.
  • How about followers who are in leader’s positions?  We’ve all seen them – bosses and managers who sit at the big desk simply because of family or friends.  They don’t have the personality or drive to fill the desk and, deep inside they know it.  They live each day trying to spread walnuts and coconut over their insecurities and inefficiencies  -hoping no one notices.  The sad thing is, they feel just as out of place as they look.  The check (and their pride) is too big to rock the boat – but they’d be much happier at a smaller desk. They’d be healthier, more fulfilled, and infinitely more comfortable.  Why? It’d fit.

These are just a couple of examples – I’m sure you can think of more.

This may seem like an unusual post coming from blogdom’s Mary Poppins.  After all, I’m ALL ABOUT aiming high, fighting the good fight, never giving up, challenging yourself and all of that great stuff.  However, I’m even more about not making a dang fool of oneself!

I was up against something a little while back.  When I’m doing something that matters to me, I’m as stubborn as any mule could hope to be.  I stick with it until I either figure it out or twist it around to where I want it.  I think it came from being an only child – my parents always led me to believe I could do anything I decided to do and I guess I took them at their word.  However, I have sense enough to know that square pegs don’t go into round holes – they weren’t designed to.

After spending a few hours with the square peg and the unrelenting round hole, it occurred to me, “The time and energy you’re spending here could be better used elsewhere.  You could actually be accomplishing something other than frazzled nerves.”

So I laid the square peg down and moved on.  And guess what?  It felt pretty darn good!  I actually moved along to something that was within the realms of the possible and accomplished something I’d been meaning to do for weeks.

No amount of time, no amount of inspirational quotes, no amount of motivational books, not even 3 pots of coffee will make a square peg fit in a round hole or a size 18 arse  fit into a size 4 pants.  However, a square peg will be divine in a square hole and a size 18 arse will be bootylicious in a size 18 pair of jeans.

Basically, this long post boils down to this:

  • Don’t try to be someone you aren’t.  Be the original, quirky, warm-hearted person your mother raise.  Never try to be someone she wouldn’t recognize.
  • Don’t try to do things you aren’t equipped to do.  It’s great to have an area of expertise – and it’s brilliant beyond compare to stick to it.
  • If you ever bite off more than you can chew – spit it out before you choke.
  • Don’t try to be the queen or king of everything – stick to your own castle and your own kingdom.  Remember, if you leave your throne – it’ll be empty, at best, and taken, at worst.
  • The next time you seem to be up against the impossible, realize that it may be just that – impossible.  Ask yourself, “What could I be accomplishing if I put my time and energy elsewhere?”
  • The same lessons hold true for broken dreams and relationships.  If you keep staring back at what was “lost,” you’ll never be looking in the right place – ahead – where something truly beautiful can be “found.”

Vow, today, to never waste any more time trying to put square pegs into round holes…. and always wear pants that fit you.  Just thought I’d throw that in there.

Filed Under: Articles, Must Reads, Positive Thought, Self Help Daily Tagged With: , , ,

What We Can Learn From Subway’s Five, Five, Five Dollar Footlong

March 11, 2010 By 2 Comments

I heart Subway.  I, literally, could eat lunch at my neighborhood Subway each and every day.  I’ve tried each of their sandwiches over the many years I’ve been in love with them and I’ve never left a bite untouched.  My only request would be the addition of Guacamole… come on, I’ll pay more for it!

A few minutes ago, one of Subway’s catchy “Five Dollar Foot long… ANY Five Dollar Foot long….” commercials came on.  In addition to making me want a Veggie Delite with black olives, lettuce, American Cheese, cucumbers, banana peppers, pickles, and sweet onion dressing, it made me think about their successful advertising campaign.  This one took guts – and paid off.

If I had a Sales and Marketing blog, I’d applaud Subway’s brilliance for attacking the fragile economy head on with their infamous $5 Subways.  I’d point out that they know that they get that the best way to woo the public is to tap into into the things that matter most to them:

  1. Health and Fitness. Remember Jared?  He showed us how “one of us” (the guy or gal next door) actually lost weight while eating delicious food.  They’re also prominent sponsors of the popular show The Biggest Loser… again reminding us that they’re on our side.  They’ll provide us with delicious, healthy alternatives and save us from the fried, greasy stuff we might get elsewhere.
  2. Saving Money! A footlong sub (piled with goodness) for $5.00 is an excellent deal, just when we need excellent deals the most.  Brilliant.

Alas, I don’t have a sales blog because I know diddly squat about selling.  I’m on team buying, not team selling.  Which, I suppose explains why my husband is on team selling.

From a Self Help and Self Improvement standpoint, I think we can actually learn something from this popular, catchy Subway campaign.  Whether we use the lesson in our daily life, in our writing and blogging, in our work, or in the ways we try to make the world a better place – it’s right there, waiting for us to scarf it up as readily as we do the subways,  themselves.

Here are a few of the lessons I think we can learn from Subway:

  • Originality rawks and originality rawks hard.
  • We shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously.
  • We should often look for ways to renew, refresh, and reinvent ourselves.

Think about it.  Subway took a huge chance on this campaign.  They chose a jingle which, let’s be honest, is a little cheesy. Yet they went with it. In fact they ran with it – laughing at themselves in the process.  How cool is that?!   Jingles like this are very hit or miss.  Subway could have been laughed AT or laughed WITH.  They went over the top and landed in the zone.  Life is about taking chances and taking risks. Sometimes you have to just go for it – without hesitation and without fear.  Many times, these risks pay off better than you ever even hoped for.

Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself.  Don’t ever be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Don’t ever aspire to be a wallflower.

I also love the fact that this successful campaign doesn’t involve them trying to sling lettuce on their competition (though they have in the past gone down that yellow and red brick road).  These types of campaigns always turn me off.  It’s like, if you believe in what you have to offer, why bring the other guys into it?  In fact, some fast food restaurant recently had a campaign where they took a swipe at Wendy’s (by showing the back of a girl with big red ponytails).  Here’s the effect it had on me:  I rushed out for some Wendy’s chili.  I got an instant craving and addressed it immediately.

Hmmm, I seriously can’t even tell you who’s commercial it was.  For me, it was Wendy’s.

Brought to the world of self improvement and self help:  We will never climb higher by stepping on other people. Putting our footprints on others never adds value to them – it lessens what value they had. Every time.

If you value what you have to say and what you have to offer, what does it matter to you what others are doing or saying?  Why go to their blogs and leave negative comments or try to run their name down on yours’?   If you believe in yourself, believe all the way and keep the spotlight on yourself.  I suspect that many times insecurity is the reason people shine the spotlight on others.   Why else wouldn’t they want it on themselves?

I know that many things in life are gravely serious.  I’m as aware of that as anyone.  However, I also know that many people take things far too seriously.  Life should be enjoyed, not stressed over.  Let go of little things and you’ll find that the world is a beautiful, wonderful place.  Let it be.

Finally, Subway teaches us the value of reinventing yourself.  They knew that Jared’s campaign had kind of worn itself out.  The public had gotten pretty accustomed to his handsome face and winsome disposition.  I’m not saying he doesn’t have a lot of mileage left – I love the Jared commercials!  I am saying this, Subway knew it was time to mix things up a little and throw something unexpected out there.

Now, when Jared does come back, we’ll be more apt to pay attention.

Never allow yourself to fall into a rut.  Mix things up every now and then!  Be true to your message, your goal, your dreams, and your life’s mission…. but keep things interesting.  If you lull everyone to sleep, they’ll never hear a word you’re saying.

You know what makes me sad?  When people WANT to do something, learn something, or try something but hold themselves back.  No one else is standing in their way but themselves.

  • If you wish you kept a cleaner house, pick up the broom and make it happen.  Start now!
  • If you wish you knew more geography (or history, math, botany, a foreign language), what are you waiting for? As soon as you leave Self Help Daily, find some wonderful educational websites and/or head off for the library.  Learning new things is invigorating and makes you feel more alive than ever.  Have at it!
  • If you wish you were known for having an easy-going, laid back temper instead of being a hot head – start working on it.

You get the point.  If you aren’t happy with the path you’re on… make a new one.  No one’s making you stay on this one.  Pave your own path and, you know the rules by now, don’t just walk down it, dance.

Dance on!

Filed Under: Articles, Health, Must Reads, Positive Thought, Self Help Tagged With: ,

Thursday Throwback to 1923: How to Get What You Want in Life

December 10, 2009 By 12 Comments

Today’s Thursday Throwback is from a real powerhouse of motivation:  Elsie Lincoln Benedict.  This is an excerpt from a lesson-lecture that she delivered to students in various cities of the United States long, long, long ago.  Don’t let the multiple longs fool you, though.  The advice, the motivation, the inspiration, and the grit will leave an impression on you.  I plan to publish more of this amazing lady’s teachings on Self Help Daily because she simply moves me.  When I read Elsie Lincoln Benedict’s writings, I feel much as Brad Pitt must have felt the first time he saw Angelina Jolie.  My world?  She rocketh it.

I will type in Elsie Lincoln’s Benedict’s words as they appear in the texts I have.When I skip around a little (because some illustrations simply aren’t built for time traveling), you’ll see a family of dots….. just call them The Dots and follow them to the next room.  Once or twice you’ll notice something in parenthesis – this is where I pitch in my two cents for clarification.  Having read the entire series of lectures, some things may be clearer to me – and I thought I’d wipe the window, so that you can see more clearly as well.

When the writing/teaching begins, Elise Lincoln Benedict is addressing the subject of “Making Your Desires Materialize.”

Enjoy!

HOW TO MAKE YOUR DESIRES MATERIALIZE by Elsie Lincoln Benedict, 1923

The distance we cover (in the pursuit of our desires) depends on the number of hurdles we are able to take and the speed with which we cover the distance between.

We may run along for quite a while on smooth ground, thinking “Everything’s going to be smooth from here on,” but pretty soon looming up ahead we descry an obstacle.  It may be a low one which we scarcely notice.  Or it may be a high one.  If we refuse to scale it, thinking it looks impossible, or if we are tired of running, we can stop right there and our progress ends….

But if we draw upon our courage we will always find that this hurdle, high and forbidding though it appears, is nothing compared to the first ones (previous obstacles, trials and tribulations). Because we have developed strength from jumping those before – a strength we are not aware of till we put it to the test, but which never fails us if we take a good jump and try for it….

There come times in every human life when the game doesn’t seem worth the candle. But it is.  When the price looks bigger than the prize.  But it never is.

The price is always less, when you come right down to paying it, than it looks to be – just as a piece of work looks impossible as long as you postpone it but is suddenly easy when you begin.

Life always lets you make your own decisions and she takes you at your word.  Your words always express themselves in your secret attitudes.

To try to fool others is bad enough, but to fool yourself is fatal.  You never can really fool your subconsciousness. It knows whether you really want a thing or not, and whether you are in earnest.

If you are not it lets you alone.  But if you are it will find a way. It will help you get what you really want MOST.

You may not believe it at first glance, but many poverty-stricken, sick, shiftless failures already have what they want most in life.

They won’t admit it to you, but in their inmost souls they know it is true.

They don’t really want riches, health, and success MOST.  They only WISH they wanted these things most.

What they really want most of all is doing what they please with their time, taking things easy, sleeping late, overeating, being free of responsibilities – and they are getting every one of them!

They delude themselves with the notion that they are getting them for nothing – that success, health and happiness would cost more.  But the fact is that they are paying the highest price for the worst articles when the very best could be had at a bargain.

If you have ever seen a man trying to get out of work, you know that he worked twice as hard at it as those who pitched in and did something….

Your great subconscious will get for you the things you want MOST in life.  It will do so more completely and more quickly than you can believe.  It will do so with unerring accuracy and unfaltering, unswerving perfection.

If you want happiness, success, fame, it will show you how to get them.  They must be paid for, but the price is not as high as you think, not even as great as that we pay for failure.

I often think of the world as a colossal department store.  In it are all the things we want, displayed on the counters within reach of all, and to be had the moment we pay for them.

If we really want the things we SAY we want, we will do what we always do to get the things we want in the store – walk up and pay for them and TAKE them.

You see something you say you want.  But if you are not willing to pay for it, Life knows you only wish for it.

- – - – - – - – - –

I’ll continue the lecture next Thursday.  Trust me, it only gets better!

Filed Under: Articles, Must Reads, Positive Thought, Thursday Throwback Tagged With: , , ,

Ever Thought of Trouble as a Friend? Oliver Wendell Holmes Says You Should

October 29, 2009 By 3 Comments

You know all about the love affair I have with old books, or more to the point, authors of old books. There are few things I enjoy more than sitting around the table with men and women who are from another time. Although I can’t totally relate to period of time in which they lived, they have so much to teach me that I overlook the funny clothes – to say nothing of the hairstyles. To be fair, they must think I’m a sight, too.

I often post quotes, articles, and reflections from great authors of the past and I get a tremendous kick out of the response. There’s something remarkable about seeing an author’s teachings from the 1880′s being tweeted. Love it!

I have such a profound respect for the knowledge that these authors possess that I’m going to start a weekly tradition on Self Help Daily called, Thursday Throwback. Each Thursday, I will post a “guest article” from one of these authors. Why should their wonderful, rich knowledge lie in a dusty book in a dark basement? It should be brought out into the open and these amazing authors should be given an opportunity to educate, enlighten, and entertain generations of people who, like me, would look downright freaky to them. In spite of our looks, they’d want to reach out to us.

In my very small way, I’d love to give them this chance.

We’ll start with a great article by Isabel Leighton. Isabel Leighton was a journalist, actress, and writer. She began her career in the theater, appearing in several Broadway productions in the early 1920′s. In the 1930′s and 40′s she wrote for various magazines as well as for the North American Newspaper Alliance.

She also served as a naval correspondent in World War II. Can you imagine how fascinating it would have been to sit down and have a cup of coffee with this lady?

Below is an article Isabel Leighton wrote titled, “Meet Trouble as a Friend.”

MEET TROUBLE AS A FRIEND
by Isabel Leighton

“Trouble makes us one with every human being in the world.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
A little more than twenty years ago I spent a treasured afternoon with Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes at his Beverly Farms home just north of Boston.  Lingering on the threshold as I took my leave, I asked if I might publish some of the typically rugged, earthy observations he had made during our tea together.
With a firmness that belied the gentle smile dancing at the corners of his mouth he replied, “In my more than ninety  years I have never allowed myself to be quoted, nor will I revise my pattern at this late date.  But write your interview,  child, and if, after twenty years from my going, anything I’ve said still seems to serve a useful purpose, it is yours to do with as you wish.”
During those hours, two decades ago, we spoke of many things:  the granite on which he built his home – and his life; the barberry bushes he never tired of seeing from his windows; the mystery stories he devoured; and, finally, more dismal matters.  Was he not deeply concerned, I asked, over the depression, threats of war and the lack of security in the world?  He shook his head indulgently.
“Oh, you young people, you think you’ve discovered trouble.  If you want to live without trouble, you’ll have to die young!  For if one thing’s sure, it’s that it’s always been with us and always will be.”
“Terrifying, you think?  Rubbish,” he chuckled, “it’s never fazed me.  Been almost grateful for it at times.  Makes us one with every human being in the world – and unless we touch others, we’re out of touch with life.  You might as well be dead as stop growing and if you’re unwilling to feel, yes, feel deeply, you’re only half alive.
“If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I wouldn’t pass it around.  Wouldn’t be doing anybody a favor.  Trouble creates a capacity to handle it.  I don’t say embrace trouble.  That’s as bad as treating it as an enemy.  But I do say meet it as a friend, for you’ll see a lot of it and had better be on speaking terms with it.
“No, trouble isn’t the scourge of the world.  The world has its ups and downs.  So have people, and all the speechifying that breath can produce won’t change things or make the millennium come an hour sooner.  You can’t run away from trouble.”
He smiled now more benignly, “Accept it.  Don’t worry about it.  Have faith – and do the needful.”
************

Have faith and do the needful. In one sentence, Oliver Wendell Holmes gave a perfect example of why Thursday Throwback is long overdue.  Blunt, to the point, and powerful.
Mr. Holmes could have been quite the tweeter.   Stop #panicking. Have faith & do the needful.

Filed Under: Articles, Books I Love, Positive Thought, Thursday Throwback Tagged With: , , , ,

A Word That’ll Make You Want to Jump Off the Couch and Get Busy

November 30, 2008 By 2 Comments

I was adding a page to the Self Help series of Steps to Increased Self Confidence a few minutes ago when a word picked a fight with me.

In case you the initial post about these steps, here’s a quick refresher: I’m taking a section of one of my favorite Grenville Kleiser books (from 1910, and no, I wasn’t around for the first printing), How to Develop Self-Confidence. I’m using his amazing text to create “steps” for improving one’s self confidence. I’m trying to leave his words alone as much as possible, only changing a few outdated phrases and adding TO his thoughts… never taking AWAY from them.

Anyway, the step Mr. Kleiser’s words and I were creating this evening involved the word Promptitude. I have to confess, I wasn’t entirely familiar with this word. I asked it if it could possibly be any more old school. I think that’s where the whole disagreement began – so, yes, I admit it. I started it.

I recognized PROMPT in the word, of course, so I assumed it had something to do with being “on time.” However, a few visits to a couple of my favorite websites (ones with ridiculously high IQs) let me know that I was only half right. I was on the right road, but what I thought was an avenue was actually a highway. Promptitude is the characteristic of doing things without delay. Furthermore, it’s the quality of being prompt; quickness of decision and action when occasion demands.

…and there, boys and girls is where the fight broke out. All of a sudden, Promptitude was in my face reminding me of instances when I’ve sat in front of my computer with, oh let’s say, 789 gazillion things to do – only to get up, stretch slightly and announce to my cats, “I’m just not in the mood…” Oh, yeah, that totally happened three times this past week! I’m not sure if it’s the holidays or if I just needed a little break. If the latter’s the case, I should be good to go. I took 3 little breaks.

One of my problems is the fact that I’m woefully late to the working class. I got married right out of high school and began having beautiful baby girls right away – three in all. I homeschooled our girls all the way through school. I wore many hats (mom, wife, chef, teacher…) but not one paid monetarily. I had a laid back life that consisted of no more stress than deciding what time to take my girls to the library, which period of history we’d tackle next, what time to go to the store, and what to make for supper.

I’m trying to remember, but I wonder if I ever looked at a clock back then. If I did… why?

Fast forward to today. We run our web publishing business from our home office and I, at any given time, have more stuff to do than the day’s hours permit. I love every busy second, but, sure some days find me missing rainy afternoons in the library, reading a great mystery as my girls worked on research papers or read novels for book reports.

I can’t even remember the last mystery book I read…

I explained all of this to mummy breath – I mean to Promptitude, but he didn’t back down. He said I needed more Drive, I said, “Your momma needs more drive,” he said, “Leave Genesis out of this…”

Then he got me. He asked if doctors, police officers, lawyers, salesmen, beauticians, teachers, waitresses, Starbucks workers (he’s hipper than I thought) and the like were able to pull the old stretching, “I’m so over this…” routine.

Busted.

One of the traits that my family seems to love the most about me is the fact that I’m very, very laid back. Sometimes it’s my undoing, however. I have to admit, there’s something very inspiring and motivating about the definition – “..the quality of being prompt; quickness of decision and action when occasion demands.”

Another problem I run into is one that most of us who work from home encounter: No days off! Think about it – people who work out of the home have certain days when they don’t go in to the office. Out of sight, out of mind. When our office and our work are inside of our home, we’re face to face with it daily. It’s up to us to schedule our time in a way that leaves us with free time for things like mystery novels, walking, crafts, etc.

Too much work leaves us wanting to flee the scene too often. Or, um, so I hear.

I’m glad I encountered the definition tonight – and even the obnoxious word. I feel, somehow, more inspired and focused than I did before. I also love the Lord Chesterfield quote that Grenville Kleiser included in his book, although it sort of has an attitude, itself. “Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination; never put off ’till tomorrow what you can do today.”

Promptitude called in reinforcements.

Filed Under: Blogging, Books I Love, Self Help Tagged With: , , , ,

How to Cope with Stress

October 21, 2008 By 6 Comments

Even Small Changes Add Up

Stress As you probably know, I work from home. For over 12 years, my sole job was homeschooling and raising our three daughters. It didn’t pay, monetarily.

It paid much better than that.

The transition to working in a home-based web publishing and web design business proved a little tough at first.  It was like some sort of culture shock.  A whole new world. Truth be told, it can still be hard to discipline myself to sit at my desk and work when there are so many other cool things I could be doing.  Or not doing.

However, I soon recognized a direct correlation between the number of hours I put in and how much money I have for “extras” in life.  Extras put a song in my heart and a smile on my face, so I’ve gotten pretty good at logging in the necessary hours. Plus, it helps that I absolutely love to write, research, and build blogs, websites, and even better – online relationships.

However, a few months ago, around 3 pm, I got up from my work time to head into the kitchen and begin supper. I didn’t feel satisfied like I usually did – you know, the feeling you get after putting in a good, honest day’s work. Actually, I felt overwhelmed and mentally fatigued. All I could think about was the correspondence I didn’t get done, the links I didn’t have time to add, blog plugins that were being hateful, etc.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a one day thing. I noticed that I started feeling this way just about every single day. Also, instead of being eager to turn the computer on, round up my coffee, information, books, and so forth – I started walking past the computer and kind of snarling at it. One day, it was acting up and I thought something was horribly wrong with it – the smile faded when it responded to a reboot.

I think it was evening the score for the snarls.

I knew that something wasn’t quite right because I normally race, coffee cup in hand, to get my day started. I answer my e-mail, update sites that need to be updated, write my reviews, compose my posts and articles, make graphics, install plugins, read and research, etc – all with a big smile on my face and a fat cat on my desk.

I had a heart to heart with myself – not out loud, of course, the kids worry when I do that. I came to suspect that I’d overextended myself. I sat down with my to do lists for the past week and realized that I was trying to do WAY too much. I looked at the front of my planner and saw that I, at that time, had a total of 16 blogs and 22 websites. All of that on top of being mom, wife, cook, homemaker, and someone who vaguely remembered how fun past times were.

The very next day, I started weeding through my websites and blogs. I asked myself, “Which of these would I be devastated if they were gone tomorrow?” I realized that there were quite a few that, when I got to them on the list, I would answer, “Eh” or “I’d never miss it.” So, when tomorrow came, they were indeed gone. I got rid of 5 blogs and even more websites. They had come to “cost” me more than they “rewarded” me.

Almost immediately, the old feelings of enthusiasm returned – before and after the work day. My computer and I became kindred spirits again. The feelings of being overwhelmed and stretched like a rubber band went away.

Sometimes making small, seemingly insignificant moves can alleviate stress in surprising ways.

If you’re feeling stressed in any way, take a good, close look at your life. What areas are causing you stress? Find ways to alleviate any stress you can – remember, every little move helps.

  • Is your workload too heavy? If it is, lightening it will actually work out better in the long run.  Being able to give MORE of yourself to FEWER projects results in better projects and a better you.
  • Do you worry too much about others? Even if it’s your own children, try to make yourself realize that they will make mistakes, just as you have done.  What’s more, they’ll survive and learn from them, just as you have.
  • Is your house causing you a never-ending battle? Recruit help from other family members – don’t nag, that never looks attractive – just point out that you’re so busy lately that you’d appreciate it greatly if they’d help you out some.  Then, when they do, praise their socks off!  If you want results, you’ll get more with honey than with horseradish.
  • Try to set aside a little time each evening to just enjoy life. Take a few hours and do something that others might call “wasting time.”  I love to kick back and watch tv with my family.  It’s great to spend time with them and it’s a nice experience to just do nothing.  Truth be told, sometimes I embrace nothingness like a long lost relative. If your first reaction is, “I can’t take 2 hours to just do nothing, I have to do this and I have to do that…” – then I have to tell you, you’re heading (and speeding to get there) for trouble.  If you don’t have the signs of being stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, or temperamental yet – they’re just around the corner.  Hopefully, you’ll change your course before that corner arrives.

It’s funny, isn’t it, that so many people think they can’t slow down.  They seem to equate being busy as treading water and fear that if they slow down, they’ll go under.

In actuality, they’ll find that they have more time to swim.

Oddly enough, I think part of the problem lies within this quote about computers, “No matter how fast your computer system runs, you will eventually come to think of it as slow.” Our generation has become so accustomed to fast forward and has gotten so used to dancing to the “Git ‘r done” tune that many of us see slowing down as standing still. Needless to say, we need to adjust that thinking before it’s too late.

We’d hate to have that realization hit us one day with one arm in a blood pressure cup as the other gestures in a how-did-this-happen motion. It’d be even worse, in my opinion, to have it dawn on us one day when our child is reliving his or her childhood and we realize that we’d missed a big chunk of the scenery.

The time to slow down is today. Tomorrow will be brighter because of it.

Filed Under: General, Relationships, Self Help, Time Management, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Forget the Glass, Are Your Moments Empty or Full?

October 16, 2008 By Leave a Comment

A Self Help Blog Questionnaire

My youngest daughter, Stephany, and I have been talking a lot lately about eating healthier. We really worked ourselves up into a frenzy over it today and have vowed to watch what we eat more carefully. Both of us have been doing a great deal of research on what foods do for (or to) us.

We’ve been focusing a lot of our wrath toward “empty calories” lately – those foods and drinks that either provide us with NO nutrients or provide us with potentially harmful fats, sodium, etc. How much smarter would it be to replace these harmful (at worst) or empty (at best) foods and drinks with foods or drinks that earn their keep. For example, why not replace Diet Dr. Pepper (one of my guiltiest pleasures) with antioxidant-rich unsweetened tea all the time? I love tea and am even one of the rare birds that adores green tea, so there’s no reason for me to keep on chugging the good doctor, no matter how delicious I find him to be.

I was thinking earlier about how this same premise can be used in our lives – away from the table. If we take a really close look at our daily lives, we’ll find “empty” activities, habits, and thoughts. Some are fairly harmless but pointless, while others are down-right harmful.

What if these “empty” activities, habits, and thoughts were replaced with “productive” activities, habits, and thoughts? Could we handle the life improvement that would come from all of that self-improvement? I’d sure like to try!

Below are a few ideas to get your own thoughts and ideas flowing:

  • Instead of listening to entertaining, but fairly pointless, morning talk shows on your way to work – why not make a habit of listening to quality podcasts (itunes has every category you can think of) or great books on CD?  Learning something new is never not cool.
  • I love great tv shows as much as anyone (Heaven help the person who gets between me and The Biggest Loser), but if we put as much effort into physical activity as we did into program activity, we’d never worry about  our Levi’s being too tight ever again. I don’t like it anymore than you do.
  • What if, instead of gossiping or nitpicking, we put our God-given gift of speech to better use and had quality conversations with the people in our lives?  What if we tried to accentuate the positive and build one another up?  What if we made it our goal to help as many people as we could each day?   For one thing.. It’ll all come back to you.  Karma? I’m a card-carrying member of her fan club.  She’s a faithful diva.  Never misses a beat.
  • If we get up from the internet after 2 hours, and we walk away without any benefit, inspiration, or knowledge, didn’t we just throw 2 hours out the back door?  2 hours that won’t even try to come back?
  • We should even be more aware of what we think about.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” (How I’m not 5’2″ of chocolate escapes me.)
  • If one has an incredibly unhealthy habit such as smoking, they need to move Heaven and earth and make it a thing of the past.  I don’t want to be a cyber nag, but I want everyone to be as healthy as possible and live a really long time.  Trade that habit in for a healthy one – and the sooner the better.  Come on, if I can step away from the diet soda, you can step away from the cigarettes.  We’ll just be grouchy together for a few weeks.
  • If you regularly spend a couple of hours in the evening reading novels and newspapers, (or watching tv or surfing the web), cut into that time and use it to clean and organize your house.  We feel better when things are tidy.  As a bonus, housecleaning is an activity and insists on burning some of our calories for us!

These are just a few ideas, I know you can think of a lot more.  Times are pretty tricky financially, and weight problems are as common as they are unhealthy.  Is it any wonder more and more people are getting so frustrated and overwhelmed?  One of the tricks, in my opinion, is to simply look at how you spend your time:

  • Passive or Productive?
  • Constructive or Destructive?
  • Helpful or Hurtful?
  • Empty or Full?

One more thought (keep in mind I’m a wife/mom above all else, so I’m biased):  Time spent with your family is never wasted.

Filed Under: Fitness, General, Health, Must Reads, Self Help, Time Management Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Building Self Confidence By Tearing Down Fears and Doubts

October 6, 2008 By 3 Comments

One of my favorite authors of all-time is Grenville Kleiser. His books, published in the early 1900′s are filled with more wisdom than you’ll find in most modern books. His writing style is also one that I just genuinely enjoy.

He’ll be serving as a co-writer for a series of Self Confidence posts this week, through one of his greatest books, “How to Develop Self Confidence,” Copyright 1910. I think you’ll be amazed at how applicable Mr. Kleiser’s writings are to our present time.

In this world of self help and self improvement, we run across “buzz words” or “keywords” such as ability, action, passion, determination, and talent on a regular basis. But, the one thing they each rise on or collapse under is Self Confidence.

As defined by Dictionary.com, Self Confidence is 1. realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc. 2. excessive or inflated confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, etc.

Self Confidence, to me, is what we think ourselves capable of. If I think that I could design and publish a blog about Coffee & Tea and, within a year, have it ranked amongst the top 10 food and drink blogs, my confidence is healthy or high. If someone suggested that I do such a thing and my first reaction was, “I can’t possibly do that, so I’m not even going to try,” my self confidence is sickly and low.

If that were my response, I would have two choices:

  1. Drop the subject all together and never think about it again.  I know I couldn’t do it, so why bother thinking about it.
  2. Determine WHY I don’t have any more confidence in myself than that – poke around until I get to the root of the problem, then do what it takes to remedy the problem.

“The development of self-confidence begins properly with intelligent self-examination. The mind must be closely scrutinized, undesirable tendencies checked, faults eradicated, and correct habits of thought and conduct firmly established.” – Grenville Kleiser, How to Develop Self Confidence

Fear trips us up more than anything else when dealing with Self Confidence. We’re fearful that we’ll make a mistake, that we’ll make a fool of ourselves, that someone will laugh at us or (my greatest fear) that we’ll let someone down. We know, full well, that we can erase all chances of any of these happening simply by not attempting anything we fear is beyond us. We pull the covers up around our ears and find our comfort zone. The only thing about comfort zones is that, while they’re a comfortable spot, they encourage zero growth. Comfort zones are like overly indulgent parents – the end results are never pretty. They spoil what could have been.

Fear needs to be diagnosed and faced. More times than not, fear arises from what we allow to go on in our minds. You know those quiet little conversations we have with ourselves throughout the day? The ones where we think, “I’m fat (or scrawny),” “I wish I were smarter (younger, older),” “If only I had more money…” etc.

“The mind is permitted habitually to dwell upon thoughts of doubt, failure, and inefficiency. So great does this power become, when unchecked, that it affects to greater or less degree almost every aspect of one’s life.” – Grenville Kleiser, How to Develop Self Confidence

We can be so fearful sometimes, can’t we? A lot of times we’d be so much better off if we’d stop thinking so much and just TRY to do what needs to be done. We have to find a way to work with our fear rather than not working because of it.

We can actually use our fears as tools to help us. Going back to the example above, if I were timid about building a Tea & Coffee blog, I could very well write down my fears. They might read something like this:

  1. There’s too much competition.  I’d never be able to compete for top rankings in the search engines.  There are far too many other caffeinated bloggers getting their groove on.
  2. Just because I drink them every minute of the day doesn’t mean I can find enough things to write about coffee and tea.
  3. Where would I find the time? I have 12 blogs as it is.
  4. My husband would think I was nuts….

“To walk straight up to the thing feared will often strip it of its terror.” – Grenville Kleiser, How to Develop Self Confidence

When we write down our fears, we can then go back and stare them eye to I and manipulate them to work FOR us rather than AGAINST us. We can take our “objections,” and create “objectives.” For example, if I were worrying about time, I could write out a strict time schedule (you have no idea how that phrase just made me cringe – I’m not sure if it were the strict part or the schedule part, but I shivered). By writing the day’s available hours on paper, I can hold them accountable and find the extra time I need.

If we’re fearful of what others would think, we could always ask them. OR, we could realize that they’ll think what we cause them to think! If we prove ourselves, they’ll have no choice but to think positively. The world generally accepts us at our own value. That, of course, can be a big problem for someone who struggles with Self Confidence – others will have trouble developing confidence in a person who doesn’t even have confidence in his or herself.

“The other day I saw a dog leisurely pass a cat on the street, and to all appearance there was no ill feeling on either side. The cat looked him straight in the eye as he approached, and the dog returned her confident glance and quietly passed on. Then the cat, seeing a good chance for escape, bolted across the street, but the instant the dog saw her running he turned and followed in hot haste. It was cat and dog for some yards, when suddenly the cat stopped, humped her back and looked defiantly at her adversary. He stopped, caught his breath, blinked uncertainly, turned up his nose, and walked off. As long as the cat showed fear and ran, the dog chased her; but the moment she took her stand, he respected her. When a man stands up boldly and self-confidently for his rights, fear slinks tremblingly into the shadows.” – Grenville Kleiser, How to Develop Self Confidence

Self Confidence can be built and nurtured. We can work towards the level of self confidence evident in the cat at the top of this post. He has got it going on! If we work hard and believe in ourselves – the same can be said of us.

Filed Under: General, Self Help Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Gem from the October 2008 Issue of Success Magazine

September 27, 2008 By Leave a Comment

The October 2008 issue of Success Magazine has a mini-article titled “Healthy, Wealthy, & Wise – Your Checklist.” The reader is given 6 small but powerful goals that’ll lead us down a path to better health, more wealth, and increased wisdom. Sign me up for all three.

The first tip is “Add a small fitness goal to your routine each week.” The author suggests drinking one extra glass of water each day, running for one more mile a week, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I think I can swing the extra glass of water each day. But run? Only if I’m giving chase or being chased. As for the stairs, I’m all over that one. I don’t love elevators, so stairs are fine by me.

My favorite tip of the 6 is this one: “Don’t use people as mirrors.” The reader is told to have a strong sense of who he/she is without letting other people influence how they feel. This can be a hard one, can’t it?

Some of us are more inclined than others to care too much about what others think of us. A lot of times, our own opinion of ourselves is heightened or lessened by other’s words. We can be feeling pretty pleased with ourselves or with a particular accomplishment until someone criticizes us. Then we basically bottom out.

As the article points out, we should try very hard to keep a healthy sense of self, without allowing others to affect it. After all, there are some people who can only make themselves feel bigger by making others feel smaller. After years of practice, they’ve perfected the art.

The advice is positively golden – and the more I think about it, the more golden it is.

All 6 of the tips are golden. I’ve given away two of them, if you want the other 4, grab the issue! The issue’s packed with great stuff – including the last page: “Turning Knowledge into Power, 10 Actions You Can Take Right Now.”

Filed Under: Books I Love, General, Self Help Tagged With: , , , ,

Selfishness vs. Selflessness

September 20, 2008 By 1 Comment

“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.” – Oscar Wilde

One of my greatest pet peeves is selfishness – in any form. If God, Himself, hadn’t labeled the love of money as the root of all evil, I’d give selfishness the honor. As it is, I have no intention of second-guessing God. I’m a lot of things, but incredibly stupid isn’t one of them.

Not long ago, I was talking to my lovely daughters about relationships. I told them that a great deal of arguments could be avoided simply by thinking less about self and more about the other person. That’s not always possible, of course, and as a mother of three girls, I most certainly preach and teach the importance of standing up for yourself. I was (and am) talking about the little, petty disagreements that act like little pins and needles in any relationship.

Things like:

  • “Remember when you said such-and-such…“  Basically, when you keep pointing out a past “wound,” you show that you want them to pay again and again and again for a mistake they made, sometimes years ago.  It’s a common, but selfish and unforgiving, mistake.  It actually hurts the person who keeps digging in the past even more than it does the other person. 
  • “I gave you three things for your birthday and you only gave me two…“  Graciousness and unselfishness don’t keep score or run a tab.
  • “You’re going golfing?  What am I supposed to do?!“  I hate when one person seems to grieve over what someone else is doing.  Hate it!  When you love someone, shouldn’t you want more than anything for them to enjoy life?  Again, turning off the “ME” switch and switching on the “OTHERS” one will make everyone a lot happier. 
  • “I don’t want you to dress that way (wear your hair that way, talk that way, drive that car…..)“  The quote at the top by Oscar Wilde sums this one up beautifully.  Why are some people so incredibly full of themselves that they think everyone should look, act, talk, and dress just like they do?!  Just as a garden would be less interesting if every flower were the same height, color, and shape, the world would be far less interesting if everyone looked and dressed the same.  Those of us who delight ourselves in “people watching” would probably break down and cry! 

I heard a DJ on the radio tonight talking about a friend he’d recently “lost.”  I thought he was going to say the friend had died at worst or moved away at best.  I was shocked when he said that it was because they had a difference of opinion concerning the upcoming election (Obama/McCain).  He said that he was okay with their difference of opinion, but his friend was not.  Silly DJ, selfish people don’t allow others to have opinions! 

No one wears selfishness well, but selflessness looks beautiful on anyone.

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