One day last week my husband and I went to see The Punisher. Before they started rolling the trailers, three 12-ish year old boys in the front of the theater were being.. well…. 12-ish year old boys. I love kids, so I was amused by their attempts to make one another laugh. I especially got a kick out of their reaction when the name “Miley Cyrus” came up on the screen. They responded to her name as older “boys” would to the name “Angelina Jolie.”
I just thought they were cute.
Four people in their late 20s – one female, three males – came in and sat behind us. The female was greatly, greatly annoyed by everything the Miley fans did and said. She was talking non stop, but she’d pause long enough to say, “Oh. My. Gawwwd. Those kids.” after every sound the boys made. Blah blah blah blah… Oh. My. Gawwwd. Those kids.“…. Blah blah blah… “Oh. My. Gawwwd. Those kids.”
It went on right up until the movie started. With us in the middle. Like most people, I have two sides – a nice, laid-back, easy-going side (my dominant side) and the other side: The one who wanted to spin around in my seat and tell Miss 20-Something that the kids were making a fraction of the noise she was making.
I have to confess, a couple of more Oh. My. Gawwwd. Those kids’s and I may have given my husband the shock of his life.
It made me think. Many times, our reaction to a situation is actually what makes the situation so unbearable. The giggling and chattering of the 3 young boys obviously annoyed the woman. Yet, her reaction led to more noise, increased her blood pressure, and prompted her to make a spectacle out of herself. She allowed each noise they made to pump her up so much that her “Oh. My. Gawwwd!”s actually began coming through clinched teeth.
Can you imagine wasting so much mad on laughing kids? If the movie had started and the kids were being a distraction, sure then you say something. Apparently Miss Noise Police wanted the only noise in the theater to be the sound of her own voice.
Her’s isn’t the only instance of a reaction out-performing its cause. How about road rage? How about stressed-out parents yelling at their kids in a store? How about the wife who has a melt down over socks on the floor or the husband who goes ape over a tool left out of the tool box?
“We are injured and hurt emotionally, Not so much by other people or what they say and don’t say, But by our own attitude and our own response.” – Maxwell Maltz
When annoyances, disappointments, and aggrivations arrive on our doorstep, we have a choice to make.
- We can either allow them to stay the size they are and deal with them maturely and appropriately.
- Or, we can blow them up to a far larger size and become cry babies. In the process, we make ourselves look spectacularly stupid, create misery for everyone around us, and make the situation much, much worse.
When our daughters were growing up, sometimes they’d get on one another’s nerves so bad they’d actually tell my husband or me things like, “She’s looking at me!!!!” One time my husband told one of them, “Well, look back at her.”
It worked.
Even today, when they’re a bit older, they still have moments when one of the three does things that make one of the other ones want to pull her hair out (whether it’s her own or her sister’s doesn’t really matter – hair must be pulled). I’ve always taught them that three little words can work wonders for annoyances. These three little words allow you to stay in control – taking power away from what (or who) is bothering you. The words are Let it go. It goes without saying, of course, that some things don’t qualify for this response – but oh so many do.
Remember, the next time you face an annoying situations, don’t allow your reaction to compound the problem.
If you can’t put the fire out, step back from the heat. If you stand there fanning the flames and cursing the heat, you’re just going to look like a darned fool.
This morning, while lying by Alexa’s cage, I started thinking about human character flaws. I say human to clear up any misconceptions that I meant cat character flaws, because they haven’t any. If you don’t believe me, ask a cat.
I came up with a theory (yes, another one of my kitchen floor theories).
You know, generally speaking, we’re all like coins in that we each have a “flip side.” You can think of any bad trait or character flaw in an individual and, moments later, think of a “flip side” of that negative.
Here are a few illustrations to show you what I’m getting at:
- The husband who is so laid back that he never picks up after himself is often the same husband who’s kind nature makes life more pleasant. Socks on the floor? The flip side of the man who laughs about having to get a bumper fixed. Again.
- The vain college student who literally panics if a hair gets out of place is often the same girl who will land on the honor roll because of the same level of perfectionism. She’ll also be a wonderful employee because she accepts nothing but the best from herself.
- The individual who gets angry so fast that it alarms you is often is the same person who is filled with so much fight that they often amaze themselves with what they’re able to accomplish.
- The father who seems to be on his son’s case constantly often pushes that son further than he would have gone under his own steam.
- The son or daughter who is so strong-willed that you want to scream will be the same strong-willed individual when the situation calls for it. As a mother of three daughters, I don’t hate on strong wills – I embrace them.
- The wife who’s husband thinks is too easy going is the same wife who never has been - and never will be - a nag. If he comes home late for dinner, he won’t be handed his backside along with his napkin and the potatoes will be the only thing that’s cold.
- The doctor who consistently keeps you waiting is busy giving quality time to another patient. The same quality time you’re about to receive.
- The person who is so anal that you stare at them in disbelief is often the same person who the word spotless was created for.
- And the person who you complain about never being serious? Keep that person nearby! Their flip side will make you live longer… and better.
You see what I’m driving at. If we all try (and some times are harder than others) to look at someone’s ”flip side” – we’ll discover that the good often balances out the bad. That doesn’t mean we have to applaud the negative, but acknowledging the positive on the other side will help us tolerate that which we loathe with a passion. Especially if it’s our own flip side we’re looking at. Self tolerance is a good thing, right?
It helps to keep flip sides in mind when dealing with everyone. It also helps to remind yourself that no one is perfect. The only person who was perfect was tortured and killed. Others who flirtted with perfection didn’t fare much better. One young man, with a very snazzy coat, was sold into bondage by his own brothers (Joseph), one brave young woman was a slave for a great part of her life and suffered greatly as a result of having an iron thrown at her head (Harriet Tubman), one prayer warrior was thrown ino a lion’s den (Daniel), one very gentle man was beheaded (John the Baptist), and one was shot in the head while trying to enjoy a play with his wife after saving his country from itself (Abraham Lincoln).
I’m not so sure we should want perfect-ish people anywhere near us?!?!
Let’s be happy with the colorful, deliciously fascinating people we have around us. Keep in mind that we give them just as many reasons to look for flip sides as they give us. Besides, they keep life interesting and, if we’ll be honest, they give us many more reasons to smile than to frown. Be tolerant of others and embrace their individualism. Remember, when they let down their guard and are “themself” around you, it’s the greatest compliment you’ll ever receive.
Have a great, relaxing Sunday – and may your team win… Unless they’re playing the Bronco’s. Then, I wish nothing for them except abject humiliation. 
