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Archives for May 2009

Very Important Links From The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

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I LOVE it when people are extremely passionate about what they do – when they pour their heart, body, mind, and soul into their purpose in life. I especially love it when that purpose is one that seeks to protect and help those who aren’t fully able to fend for themselves.

Heroes and heroines in action! Is there anything more beautiful?

I got an e-mail today from someone within a group of such heroes:  The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. They are seeking to help children, so let’s go ahead and call them Superheroes, shall we?

The e-mail was in response to a recent post I wrote about children who are bullies and the children who are bullied. Below is some of the gracious message, including some very important links.

Good mental health is important for every child – it affects every aspect of a child’s life and overall health. Trusted up-to-date resources make it easier to discuss mental health issues, educate readers, and protect our children.

Every day in our schools and communities, children are teased, threatened, or tormented by bullies. To help care for our youth, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA) developed webpages and resources (print and online) that serve can as useful tools to you and your readers.

Systems of Care http://www.systemsofcare.samhsa.gov/

National Strategy for Suicide Prevention http://nmhicstore.samhsa.gov/suicideprevention/pubs.aspx

National Suicide Prevention Initiative http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/cmhs/nspi/

These sites offer parents, caregivers, educators, and other professionals a great opportunity to know the facts, recognize signs and symptoms, and access easy to read tips on how to talk to children about mental health. These resources can help caregivers build healthier, safer environments and support anti-bullying initiatives. For additional information on this topic and more, or to order resources at no cost, please call the SAMHSA hotline at 1-877-SAMHSA-7 or visit http://www.samhsa.gov/shin/.

Winter Weight Gain and The Kitchen Counter Pact

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Snowy Morning Dec 2012

Old Man Winter leaves behind a lasting impression, doesn’t he?  The thing is, I’m not always fond of where he touches – the lasting impressions can be tougher to get rid of in some areas, if you know what I mean.

Two of my three daughters and I met at the bar yesterday and commiserated about winter weight gain over drinks.  The bar was adjoined to our kitchen counter and the drinks were iced sweet tea.

We compared winter weight gain woes (how long exactly was this winter?!) and took inventory of things we wanted to tone and tighten.  Beautiful and ridiculously fit First Lady Michelle Obama has created  an arm fetish in our household, so arms were at the top of the list. We all want THOSE ARMS!

My oldest daughter got pen and paper and wrote out a walking schedule as the youngest and I came up with more ways to eat healthy and tried to schedule time for pilates, yoga, and arm weights.  We all signed our name to a piece of paper which included our goals and put it in a place for safe keeping.  Each week, we’re going to weigh in (and compare arms… Heaven help me) and see how we’re progressing.

This way, we’ll know when we need to step things up (literally).  I have this feeling that my girls are going to work my butt off….  at least that’s what I’m counting on.

If you have a support system around you, count your blessings.  If not, then your journey will simply be a little more challenging. Fortunately, if you have a computer and the internet, you can find support in many online weight loss and fitness forums.  Prevention.com has an outstanding online community.  You’ll find people who are in your shoes and would love nothing more than to help you wear your own shoes more comfortably. And jeans…

Finally, Jillian Michaels (she of The Biggest Loser fame) has an online program that sounds phenomenal.  It’s only $4 a week (billed quarterly) – with the first 7 days free. Visit Jillian Michaels to see the details.

If you’re trying to get fit and/or lose weight, support is a key weapon. Try very hard to get the support you need from your loved ones.  If, for whatever reasons, they simply aren’t able to provide this support, you can find support online.

A final word, don’t be too hard on your loved ones if they don’t give a great deal of support – they may simply not know how.  It’s hard to tell someone you love that they can’t have that piece of chocolate cake that’s as big as their head.  Also, watch out for something that is as human as it is harmful:  Blaming others for things we’ve done and expecting them to fix it.

We all paint our own portraits.  The brush is in our own hand and the paint is on the smock we’re wearing.  If we don’t like the way something looks (here’s looking at you again, arms), we have the paint and the brushes – all we have to do is fix what  we don’t like.

I don’t have a forum or message board set up on Self Help Daily, but I’d love to hear about your own goals and what you’re doing to achieve them.  Just leave comments – I’ll respond to each one, of course.  You can also e-mail me any time (joisigers @ aim.com), or give me a shout out on Twitter (@JoiTaniaSigers).

If Old Man Winter left his hand prints on you, make today the day you start wiping them off.  When the old guy rolls around next time, we’ll be ready for him.  Best of luck!

Angel Animals – Book of Inspiration by Allen and Linda Anderson

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Angel Animals Book of Inspiration by Allen and Linda Anderson

I just finished a book that can only be described as completely beautiful and precious. I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that I’m all kinds of animal obsessed. So much so that the term animal lover just doesn’t seem to cover it. We have 3 cats (plus a few strays that I’ve already named, but can’t quite touch yet), 3 hamsters, and a host of cuties that come into our yard each day and night. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do name our possums, rabbits, and raccoons. You have not seen cute until you’ve seen a raccoon with a bunch of grapes!

We currently have 4 bird feeders and I’d name my feathered friends as well, but they number in the gazillions.  Besides I don’t have to call them for them to flock to me.  All it takes is the rattling of bird seed, a bag of popcorn, or a loaf of bread.

Our dog, sadly, passed away over a year ago and we haven’t gotten another one yet. I’m working on my husband as well as our outside cats. None are budging, yet, but if the hubby remembers how much he loved walking Wednesday, at least he may reconsider.

Anyway, a few of my favorite authors are also animal lovers extraordinaire: Allen and Linda Anderson. This book is their latest: Angel Animals Book of Inspiration: Divine Messengers of Wisdom and Compassion.  It’s also probably my favorite book of theirs.

A few days ago, I posted about one of the stories in this wonderful book on my Dream Blog, click the link to read it – the story is about an iguana (oooh, I’ve never had one of those).  The story is very interesting.

This beautiful book is available on Amazon for just a little over $10 – are you kidding me?! You could buy one for every animal lover you know and have birthday, Father’s Day, and Christmas gifts that will make them smile ear to proverbial ear.

Angel Animals Book of Inspiration: Divine Messengers of Wisdom and Compassion is a collection of true stories by animal lovers – all about the remarkable animals that have touched their lives.

These are animals that’ll make you smile, laugh, and sometimes even cry. As they’re moving your emotions and stirring your heart, they’ll also inspire you and touch you in a way that you’ll want to share with others. I’ve already shared a few stories with my daughters and their boyfriends. When it comes to animal lovers, my youngest daughter’s boyfriend is a kindred spirit. When they first started dating, there was a big snake on our patio, completely uninvited. That’s where this animal lover draws the DO NOT CROSS line. When this young man saw the snake, his face lit up. When most people would have tried to kill the animal, he took the time to catch it and take it to a field to release it safely. He even talked sweetly to it the entire time – the way I talk to animals with fur and feathers. If I’m not mistaken, he called it baby once.

A sentiment I couldn’t get entirely behind, but I knew the kid was a soul mate.

You’ll want to share these beautiful stories with all of the animal lovers in your life – even the snake handlers.

“As a lifelong animal lover, I am delighted to see them celebrated in such a positive way. You and your pet will enjoy reading this together.” – Betty White

Some of the animals you’ll fall in love with are:
Richard Simmons’ beautiful Dalmations
A Llama with wings!
Cassidy the blue eyed cat
The Dolphin who loved the song “Amazing Grace”
Jasper, a neglected cat who was fortunate enough to be adopted by very sweet and loving parents
And too many more to even list… including, of course, the iguana I mentioned above.

The stories in Angel Animals Book of Inspiration: Divine Messengers of Wisdom and Compassion made me think more about the animals in my own life – how they’ve helped us through hard times and how they’ve touched us in ways we didn’t think possible.

One instance that comes to mind involves my mother. Right after my dad passed away, their beautiful lab had to be put to sleep. What was a heartbreaking time for all of us was about as close to unbearable as possible for my mother. Mom, was also an extreme animal lover, understandably was going through an extremely hard time. One afternoon, she looked out her front door and saw an adorable, frisky, white, little dog staring back at her – wagging his tail so much that it nearly knocked him down! Naturally, she brought him inside. She contacted the local radio stations and put up a few “missing dog” posters. Deep down, I somehow knew that an “owner” wouldn’t show up. I knew the owner was her – because, frankly, I’ve seen God work before and am familiar with His style.

I’ve known many, many dogs in my life but I can honestly say that this dog had the sweetest nature of any dog I’ve ever met. He was simply a joy to be around. He was playful, loving, sweet, and possessed an incredible sense of humor. As all pet lovers know, all animals have different levels of humor. This little dog was a riot and seemed to love NOTHING more than making our mom laugh.

Like I said, I’m familiar with God’s style.

Please grab at least one copy of this book, it won’t just touch your heart, it’ll gently squeeze it.

Are You Good, Bad, or Lingering Somewhere In Between?

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When good potatoes go bad, it ain't pretty!

My husband and I ate at a restaurant in Evansville, Indiana last night – one we’ve never been to, and unless we develop amnesia, we’ll never go again.

On the plus side….

  • It was very clean.  The restroom was downright charming.
  • It shares a name with one of my all-time favorite restaurants, an Amish restaurant in Washington, Indiana. When we ate there (frequently) quite a few years ago, this place was beyond fantastic.  How this one even comes close to sharing its name is beyond me. The workers weren’t Amish, and I’m darned certain the cooks weren’t either.  If they were, man oh man, are they backsliding.

The restaurant is buffet style, and my husband and I , literally, kept going back trying to find something that was good.  We finally decided that the chicken was good.  These people even messed up cocktail sauce (lumpy and didn’t look remotely like cocktail sauce), green beans, mashed potatoes, bbq ribs, and hash brown casserole.  The dressing?  Don’t want to even think about it, but I will say this – dressing wasn’t meant to be sucked through a straw.  It had the consistency of applesauce, but didn’t taste anywhere near as good.

The mashed potatoes and green beans are what really perplexed me, though.  When my husband nervously asked me  how the potatoes were, I told him, “They’re neither bad nor good.”  They reminded me of the Biblical passage where God instructs us to be either hot or cold.  He says that He’d rather we be cold than lukewarm.  After shoving the potatoes around the plate for 5 minutes, unsure of what to do with them (should I go ahead and eat them or relegate them to the heap of “I wouldn’t eat that if the only things on earth were it and a penguin’s uterus…” pile – along with the dressing, hash brown goo, and bbq ribs) – I understood the full meaning of this verse possibly for the first time.

Identification. If something is good – we know it’s good, we don’t have to pause to wonder why it isn’t as good as it should be… you know, figure out what’s missing, what isn’t quite right, etc.  If something’s bad – we mark it with our AVOID marker and do just that.  But if it’s neither good nor bad, it’s even worse – because we don’t quite know what to do with it.  It actually wastes our time more than the bad stuff, because we can discard that pretty fast.

How do you and I measure up in the most important areas of our lives?  Personally and professionally – are we good, bad, or somewhere in between?  Hot, cold, or lukewarm?  If you fear that you’re lukewarm in any given area, remind yourself that lukewarm is something people only look for in bath water.

The potatoes were lukewarm – caught  somewhere between good and bad.  If I could have spoken to the cooks, I would have encouraged them to use more potatoes next time (if in fact any potatoes were utilized), to season the potatoes, and to refrain from beating them to death.  There are steps they could take to make them better, just as there are steps we can take to make ourselves better.  Problem is, most people are perfectly okay with lukewarm.  They figure that being “good enough” is, well, good enough.

For the next seven days, don’t focus your attention on what everyone else is or isn’t doing.  Don’t ponder how they look, dress, behave, speak, or what they do or don’t do. Concentrate entirely on yourself. In each area, ask yourself if you’re GOOD, BAD, or SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN.

  • If you’re good – keep on keeping on.  But please be sure there are others that would back up your assessment, don’t just take your word for it.
  • If you’re neither good nor bad –  you have good news and bad news.  You could be worse, but you could be better.  You aren’t going to get better without some effort, however.  If you get too comfortable with your bath water approach, you’ll eventually start sliding the wrong way.  A lukewarm bath always cools off, it never warms up.
  • Are you afraid that you’re downright “bad” in a given area? You recognize it and I’m proud of you for that.  You just accomplished something that most people NEVER accomplish – you acknowledge that you have room for improvement, and more likely than not you’ll blaze right past the comfy cozy lukewarmers on your way to greatness.

Something else about the restaurant that struck us as strange was the rudeness of the waitress.  This was the first time we’ve ever had a server come take the tip right from the table while we’re still sitting there and remove our glasses of tea – glasses we were still drinking from!   I told my husband, “We just got the bum’s rush.”  It really doesn’t get much worse than being thrown out of a bad place.

If only she’d bounced us before we ate, as opposed to after the crime.

Protecting Children from Other Children

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Blowing Bubbles

I was recently horrified by something I saw on television. It made my hands clammy, my stomach sick, and broke my heart into a billion pieces. I couldn’t sleep that night because my mind wouldn’t let go of the heart-breaking tragedy and senseless suffering. It wasn’t a horror movie, an episode of Fringe (love), or even a Swine Flu story. It was beyond anything these could ever dream up.

It was the story of a young boy who killed himself. Unless you’re familiar with the story, you may initially think the young boy was in his early twenties or a teenager. Would it stop you cold in your tracks to know he was a fifth grader? Hence the clammy hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m greatly disturbed by anyone committing suicide – after all, the next day or even the next hour could right the ship and turn their life entirely around. The next person they spoke to could have JUST the thing they need to hear. Suicide is one of the most senseless and heartbreaking things I can imagine. Murdering yourself? I can’t even imagine the sort of extreme pain and helplessness that goes on inside of someone’s mind right before they end their own life.  But a child?  What a complete and total tragedy.

In this case, this little boy was the victim of bullies at school. According to his mother, he had complained to the school authorities but they had failed to do anything. If that’s the case, it’s something they’ll live with forever.

However, can I say something without seeming like a total jerk? If my child were being bullied at school, I wouldn’t have left it to the school authorities.  I would have gone to the parents of the bullies:  Face to face.  Never leave something entirely up to someone else, chances are they’ll fail you – don’t give them that chance.

In everyone’s defense, this is an entirely different generation that we’re dealing with here. Think back to an episode of Andy Griffith – the one where Opie is being bullied by a little chump who wants Opie’s lunch money. Andy decides to let Opie take care of it and, by the end of the show, Opie has a black eye – but he also has his lunch money.

I’m afraid that a lot of parents and school authorities seem to think they’re in Mayberry in the 1960s. Can you say, Far freaking from it?

The little boy who hung himself was being called ugly,  gay and “the Virgin” (because he was from the Virgin Islands) at school.  On his last day on earth, he didn’t want to go to school. I’m certain it was far too painful. When he came home from school, he went up to his room and hung himself with a belt in his closet. A fourth grader! A baby! And I’m getting sick again.

I wasn’t going to write about this simply because it’s such a painful and tragic subject. However, I can’t NOT write about it. Why? Because it’s such a painful and tragic subject – and one I hope to never see or read about ever again. I’m urging everyone to speak out against bullying, name calling, and intolerance. In our society, in our daily conversations, in our blogging, in our jokes, and so on.

  • How many times does the average person use derogatory, ugly names in regards to someone who looks different from them?
  • How many times does a child hear their parents criticize another person because they look different from how THEY think they should look?
  • How often does a son hear his dad make jokes about the sexual orientation of another person – treating them as though they aren’t even human?
  • How often does a daughter see hear mother use racial slurs?

Why can’t more people simply live their own life, enjoy themselves, have fun, try to help make the world a better, happier place and allow others to do the same?  WHY bully?  WHY make fun of people? WHY sneer at others?  WHY tell jokes that aren’t even remotely funny? People who have ever taken part in this sort of thing – I wish they could have watched the news story with me, because afterward I would have loved to have asked them, “Are you still laughing?’

This little boy looked different from the other kids and they pounced on him like wolves on a rabbit.  Like so many adults, they seemed to think they were the “norm,” that they were somehow superior – so they belittled, bullied, picked, and prodded an innocent child.  To death.

If you have children, grandchildren, or younger brothers and sisters, keep the lines of communication open. Explain to them the dangers (and vileness) of bullying and calling other people names. For crying out loud, be certain that you don’t do it, yourself – not even jokingly.  Trust me, it isn’t funny.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy such as this to educate people. Let’s make sure that that is exactly what happens. Personally, I think that most people (especially children) who bully are actually very unhappy. More times than not, they’re trying to fill a void in their own life. All the more reason to reach out to them.

Children should be taught that:

  • Everyone is different. It’s what makes the world a fascinating and interesting place to live.  They are JUST as different and original as anyone else they see.
  • Racism and intolerance are ugly, far uglier than the worst monster they can imagine. Hatred makes the individual who owns it ugly.  Point out to them that it’s the same as holding a red marker in your hand, without its lid.  The ink comes out and stains your hand.  If we hold hatred in our hearts and minds, ugliness and bitterness come out and stain all of us – not just our hands.
  • Illustrate your point with a box of crayons. Show the child how beautiful all of the different colors are.  Ask him or her how interested they’d be in a box where each and every crayon was the same color?!  Each pictured they colored would be entirely in that color alone.  Boring.
  • They should know that they will be punished if you ever find out they have bullied or made fun of another person. Let the child know that you have ZERO tolerance for them being cruel to another person.  Tell them that if this ever happens, they’ll find out exactly what grounded means!
  • Children should know that television is totally make believe. Reality television is kind of  blurring the lines for children, I’m afraid.  How could it not?!  It blurs the lines for some adults.  Always be extremely careful what young children watch on television and try to always watch their shows with them.   Don’t hesitate to hit pause during a show or movie to explain a situation to them.

Adults should know that:

  • Children are watching you.
  • Children are listening to you.
  • Children look up to you and imitate you, whether you realize it or not.

Hug the children in your life, take them out for a sundae, and have a really long talk with them. Chocolate therapy and hugs can make a difference…. and believe me one needs to be made.