Self Help Daily

Inspirational and Self Help Blog with a Save the World Complex...

You are here: Home / 2009 / Archives for June 2009

Archives for June 2009

How to Put Your Best Brain Cell Forward

by 3 Comments

We all want to present ourselves in the best possible way. We want people to realize how smart we are – heck, we want them to think we’re even smarter than we actually are. If they walk away thinking they’ve just been in the presence of a frigging genius? Sweet.

Increase Brain Power.com has a great article, Get Smarter or Appear Smarter, that you’ll want to read. There’s some fantastic advice within these 10 tips.  Below are a few of my favorites, click the link above for the rest.

#7. Specialize in some obscure area. If you know even a little bit about the history of the Inuit people or the origin of gold mining, you’ll likely be the only one in the room who does. Not only does this set you apart, but any errors you make will go undetected. Of course, while talking a bit about your “specialty” may impress, you might also bore your audience with too much, so take it easy.

#1. Talk about what you know. You will always appear smarter if you stick to topics you know something about. In fact, if there are areas in which you are very knowledgeable, try to steer the conversation in that direction.

So, how about it?  Do you have any words of wisdom you’d like to share?  What do you do to present yourself in the brightest light?  Leave your advice in the comments!

Fifty Dollar Haircuts on Fifty Cent Heads

by 3 Comments

“Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.” – Garrison Keillor

Girl Chewing Gum.Ever stop to think about the emphasis that looks are given in our society? Young people give their appearance more attention than ever. In fact, a lot of them spend hours primping and preparing for their self-directed photoshoot, then take tons of pictures of themselves for social websites.

During the years when they should be cultivating their relationships, their mind, their conversational skills, their education, and so forth, they’re spending the most time finding their most flattering angles and poses.  Then, of course, they have to take the pictures to photoshop to make them all the more flattering. When all else fails, make that picture black and white.

Then, it’s to the presses! They publish the pics on their favorite social websites with a pleading “Say something about me!”

Of course they have to caption the picture themselves – which usually brings gems such as, “I’m just so silly.” or “Wow. I look drunk LOL!”

What a LOOK AT ME world!

Ever stop to wonder what the future will be like for the MySpace generation if they don’t start giving their “insides” as much attention as they give their “outsides?”  THAT picture isn’t quite as pretty.

If you’re blessed enough to have young people in your life, you know darn well that you can’t just talk to them about this. You have to outsmart them. Fortunately, if you catch them in photoshop, they’ll be so distracted, your odds will be extraordinary.

Your main goal is to get the young person away from the shallow end of the ME pool and coax her or him into deeper waters.

  • Talk to her about what she wants to do with her life. Feed her interest, whether or not it’s YOUR first choice or not.  Whatever interests her should interest you – buy her books, cut out newspaper articles for her (and of course, read them yourself), talk with her, find websites and television documentaries that focus on her interest, etc.  Tell her that you’re proud of her for having goals and aspirations.
  • Don’t criticize and condemn. Kids need their parents approval more than anything. Just because your son  seems like a cocky little devil doesn’t mean he doesn’t absolutely crave your approval.
  • Compliment your daughter or son’s personality and sense of humor. Let them know that they crack you up and that you love their company. Let them know that there is so much more to them than how they look.
  • Make your child feel smart. Don’t ridicule and make fun of things they say and do.  Whether or not you realize it, this makes them feel dumb.  If they feel like they aren’t “smart enough,” they’ll only look for ways to get the approval they crave.  If they don’t get attention and approval from you, rest assured they’ll get it somewhere else.
  • Show your child the different “needs” in the world. Hand them a copy of  “One Can Make a Difference” and challenge them to find a way to make their  own difference.  Get them away from themselves – for their own good.

Finally, realize that a certain amount of social networking is perfectly normal.  Young people (and even not so young people) are having a blast with it.  It’s downright invigorating to talk to people from around the country and even around the world.   Sharing interests, learning about  different cultures, and so forth – great stuff.  But, come on, when all you have to offer them is,  “My eyes look kind of green in this picture, don’t they?  Well, they’re really brown.  Deep, dark brown… ” – you’d be better off sitting alone admiring your own eyes.

Wow.  What a life well-spent that’d be.

Naturally, we adults aren’t immune to this sort of thing either.  We’d do well to follow our own advice, wouldn’t we?  When we find ourselves on social sites with the attitude of “Look at me!” or “Listen to me!” – we’d do the world a huge favor if we examined our intent and our motivations.  Are they purely selfish, to the tune of simply wanting people to hear us because they happen to have something you want (as in money) or because we want desperately to climb a social ladder and each follower or “convert” represents another step on the ladder?

Or are we genuinely trying to help other people – whether it’s teaching them things we happen to know or motivating and inspiring them to bring out the best in themselves.  Everyone has certain gifts and talents – and if you spend your days using yours to help others I’ve got two words for you:  You’re cool.

We should all frequently step away from ourselves and see the needs in the world. If we can help anyone or anything, even in the smallest way, wouldn’t it be selfish not to? I have no more interest in Fifty Dollar Jackets Covering Fifty Cent Hearts than I do Fifty Dollar Haircuts on Fifty Cent Heads.

A Total and Completely Free Make-Over!

by 3 Comments

Have you ever known someone who seemed to delight in making fun of or mocking other people?  They mock the way they talk, laugh at the way they walk, criticize the way they dress, and so on.

Fun people to be around, right?!

Here’s the thing, if you aren’t careful, they’ll rub off on you and you’ll soon be the sort of person who mocks and constantly makes fun of people too.

The remedy?  Think of someone you’ve watched, first hand, making fun of another person.  Maybe they were mocking their laugh or demonstrating how they walk.

How attractive did it make them?  Who came off looking worse, the ridiculer or the ridiculed?  Unless overgrown 5 year olds float your boat, you never want to look that ugly.

Make no mistake about it – no one is at her or his best when they’re knocking others down or around.  However, everyone is at their most attractive when they’re kind, considerate and respectful.

You’re only as attractive as your actions.

Your Relationships – A Fast and Painless Way to Make Them Even Better

by 2 Comments

Beautiful, Happy Family

ex⋅pec⋅ta⋅tion – noun
1. the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.
2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.
4. something expected; a thing looked forward to.
5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.
6. the degree of probability that something will occur

Relationships fascinate me, which makes perfect sense since people fascinate me.  I guess it’s only right that the way people interact and treat one another would be fascinating to me as well.

I love to see how people react to others, the tones of voice they use with different people, the things that get under their skin, which people they pull out all the stops with (setting their personality dial to HIGH and turning their humor dial all the way up to HILARIOUS), how they treat those they say they love, etc.

Ironically, it’s often the people who mean the most to us who often forget just how charming or funny we can be.

Quite a few years ago, we were going through lean times, financially.  My husband was working at a job he didn’t exactly love and we were feeling the stress of a large family vs. a small income.   We didn’t fight or bicker – but he was seldom in a charming mood when he came home from work.  Then, when he sat down at the table to pay bills…. Even the cats hid!

One day after church, he was talking with some of  his friends.  One of the guys walked over to me and said, “Mike is such a funny guy, he must keep you in stitches.”  I smiled and said “Sure does!” but, on the inside I was thinking, “He’s funny?  Him? Oh, yeah, wait… I remember now. Yeah, he once had the best sense of humor in the world.”

He still had it, the people who lived under the same roof as him just didn’t see it as much as others did.

This is actually pretty consistent with relationships. We EXPECT our family to love us, we EXPECT our family to think we’re the bee’s knees, we EXPECT them to think we’re funny, charming, intelligent, etc.  We don’t EXPECT everyone else to, so we work a little harder on them – turn the dials up as high as they’ll go when necessary.  Only to turn them back down when we get home.

Needless to say, that’s not how it should be.  We all know that, right?  Can you imagine how few arguments and divorces there would be if husbands treated their wives as well as they did their best client, their boss, or their closest friends?  What if the wife treated her husband as sweetly and patiently as she did her son or daughter?

Let that sink in for a minute and think about the beautiful relationships that’d be enjoyed.

We get comfortable.  That’s one of the biggest factors.  Think of it this way:  I’m sitting in my husband’s computer chair with my legs folded in the chair with me.  I’m barefoot, I have my hair pulled back into a topknot, black and pink polka dot pajamas on, without a stitch of make-up on. In fact, I just washed off a facial mask, so there may or may not be white clay-looking stuff in an eyebrow or two.  As an extra dose of lovely, I’m chewing on a Starbuck’s straw.  (Are you turned on yet?!?!)

Would I go to Applebee’s like this? I wouldn’t even go through a drive-thru like this!

But I’m home.  The only ones who see me tonight are my 3 daughters and my cat Alexa.  It’s home.  It’s comfortable.

The people in our lives – especially our spouses – become home for us. They become so comfortable, in fact, that a couple who has been married for a lot of years can ride along in a vehicle without saying a word for over an hour, just enjoying the togetherness.  We’re home.

We should all pay more attention to how we treat those who we love the most.  They should get our best, not our worst.  Being comfortable is one thing, but being neglectful is another.

I think we also have problems in our relationships when we expect too much. What would you say if your co-worker told you that her son got a B+ in College Algebra?  If you’re like me, you’d think, “Wow! Smart kid.”  You’d think how proud his parents must be of him.  However, if your own child got a B+, be honest, one of the things you’d think (if not immediately, at least a little later) is, “Aww, man, so close to an A!”

We expect the world from those closest to us.  We females expect our husbands to lavish us with compliments, rub our necks, and be as attentive as they were on our first date.

Males expect pretty much the same, but throw in a tall glass of iced tea and a couple of sandwiches.  Often, when what we’re EXPECTING doesn’t measure up with what we GET, we’re disappointed and it’s written all over our face.

Mothers expect their children to get straight A’s, keep their room spotless, mind their manners, and always make them proud.

Fathers expect pretty much the same thing, but throw in a tall glass of iced tea and a couple of sandwiches.

Perhaps it’d be beneficial to our relationships, and to our families, if we occasionally tossed out the expectations.  Nine times out of ten we’d be blown away by how wonderful these people are who we often take for granted.

Always look for the good in everybody, then when you find it – never let it out of your sight. This is never more important than when we’re dealing with our loved ones.