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You are here: Home / 2010 / Archives for February 2010

Archives for February 2010

7 Sound Reasons to Have a Mentor in Your Life

February 12, 2010 by Joi 6 Comments

 

Below is a guest post by Arina from Arina Nikitina.com. After Arina contacted me, I visited her site to have a look around. I always go to an About Page when I’m checking a new website or blog out for the first time – it feels like a handshake. When I saw the quote she had at the top of her about page, I knew we were going to get along brilliantly – not only is it one of my favorite, it’s pretty much my mantra: “If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” (Bob Basso)

After reading her wonderful article, I hope you’ll visit her bright and beautiful blog. You can always tell her the coffee drinking animal lover sent you. She’ll know exactly who you mean. ~ Joi

7 Sound Reasons to Have a Mentor in Your Life

“Many receive advice, few profit by it.” – Publilius Syrus

For the longest time, just like many other people, I underestimated the importance of having a mentor. After all why look for a specific person, when you can always turn to your parents, friends, colleagues, multiple social networks and even public forums when you need advice and moral support. If like me, you, are wondering why anyone would need a mentor, here are some serious reasons for having one:

1.  Valuable experience.

As much as it boosts our ego to think that we are smart and we can “handle everything” and “figure it all out”, sooner or later we might face a problem bigger than we can handle. You would never think of using a trial and error method to neutralize a bomb. Neither would you try to fly a plane for the first time without an instructor. It might not sound very optimistic, but life is infinitely more complicated than plane flying or neutralizing a bomb. There are some situations when too much is at stake and guesswork is simply not an option. In this case a mentor could be the only person, who is knowledgeable and experienced enough to help you make the right decision and prepare you for the serious exam called everyday life.

2. Self-improvement.

It is not always easy to live according to our conscience. The line that separates “right” from “wrong” and “good” from “bad” is often blurred and it can be tempting to make a convenient choice instead of the right one (especially if our heart is telling us one thing and our mind another). A mentor is a person who with one simple question is able to clear your doubts and gently, but firmly push you in the right direction.

3. Encouragement.

We all have those days when everything seems to go wrong. We feel demotivated, tired, frustrated and alone. Good-intended remarks like “Cheer up!” or “It is going to be ok” accompanied with an affectionate pat on the shoulder may have the opposite effect, especially if there are coming from a person who has never been in our situation and has no idea what we are going through. A mentor, on the other hand, might not tell you that everything is going to be just wonderful, but somehow they still manage to reassure you and give you the necessary encouragement to keep on going forward.

4. Honesty.

Wise men of ancient times believed that a people can be qualified to give a good advice if they meet three conditions:
a. They should not be emotionally attached to you, because otherwise they will not be unbiased. Their emotions will interfere with their judgment.
b. They should not ask to be paid for their advice or depend on your income, otherwise they will be conditioned to tell you what you like to hear.
c. And finally, they should practice what they preach.
There are plenty of friends, coworkers, and neighbors who will readily give you advice, but only a few can overcome the impulse to tell you what they believe you WANT to hear and have enough wisdom and inner strength to tell you what you NEED to hear. A mentor is a rare person who can do this.

5. Better chances of success.

Basically there are two ways to gain wisdom in life – learn from your own mistakes or learn from the mistakes of other people. The first way is more painful and more time consuming. The second one requires a mentor who will share their experience with you and help you to avoid mistakes that you would otherwise make. There is no doubt that any failure holds a valuable lesson that in the future will help you to improve your performance. However, why fail more than it is necessary? If you want to achieve success faster and with less effort, finding a mentor might be your best option.

6. Greater motivation.

Most of us have a pretty clear idea about what we should do to improve our health and quality of life: exercise regularly, eat less fried and greasy foods, be more patient with our children, go to bed at a reasonable hour, yada yada yada… But for some unknown reason we do not do any of these things. Why? Because there is a huge difference between knowing something and really understanding it. We might know something for years, but one day out of nowhere it just makes sense. If you have ever had those “Aaaah…Now I get it!” moments, then you know exactly what I am talking about. A good mentor has the rare ability to explain to you what you need to do and why, in a way that makes sense. That is why an encounter with a mentor often becomes a turning point in many people’s life.

7. Less room for excuses.

Our ability to quickly come up with excuses and half-truths is basically a built-in self-defense mechanism that serves to protect our sense of self and ultimately our ego. Think about it… Excuses allow us to procrastinate, give up on our dreams, blame our failures on someone or something else, or avoid helping another person when we do not feel like it (and we can do it all without having to deal with such unpleasant feelings as guilt, fear and embarrassment). The only real problem with this excuse mechanism is that it holds us back and makes it impossible to succeed at anything. A real mentor will easily be able to see through your carefully fabricated stories and will not let you get away with them. Why? Because his main purpose is not to please your ego, but to bring out the best in you.

“A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” – Oprah Winfrey

The article above was written for Self Help Daily by Arina.  Please visit her Self Improvement blog.

Great stuff, Arina – thank you!

Filed Under: Articles by Various Authors, Self Help Tagged With: Articles by Various Authors, guest articles, mentors, self improvement

The World is a Looking Glass….

February 8, 2010 by Joi 4 Comments

The World is a Looking Glass Quote

The Looking Glass by King Vidor appears in the a wonderful collection of articles from the 1940s and ’50s called Words to Live By.  It’s one of the best and sums up what I have found to be one of the greatest truths in all of the world:  We are the artists of our own life.  The majority of the strokes come from our own hand… for better or worse!

The Looking Glass

by King Vidor, Producer and Director

“The world is a looking glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.” – William Makepeace Thackeray

I had to live a long time before I found the courage to admit to myself that we – all of us – make our own world.

The realization came to me in a very simple way.  Though I am a Californian, I make frequent trips to New York, and I had decided that all New York cab drivers were impatient, bad-tempered or hated their jobs.  And hotel employees and railroad personnel were the same.  I found them all difficult to get along with.

Then one day in New York, I came upon the words from Thackeray quoted above.  The very same day when a cabbie and I were snarling at one another, this thought occurred to me:  “Could this whole situation be the result of my own thinking and outlook?“

I began to live Thackeray’s idea and soon it became a part of me.  The result:  On my next trip East, I encountered not one unpleasant taxi driver, elevator operator, or employee!  Had New York changed or had I?  The answer was clear.

To abandon excuses for one’s own shortcoming is like journeying to a distant land where everything is new and strange.  Here you can’t continue to blame someone or something else for failures or difficulties; you have to assume the responsibility for them yourself.  Of course, outside pressures do influence our lives, but they don’t control them. To assume they do is sheer evasion – it’s so easy to say, “It’s not my fault!“

Since that day in New York I’ve come to believe that this idea is the basis of all human relationships.  It doesn’t matter whether it is your neighbors,  your mother-in-law or the people of a foreign nation.  The quickest way to correct the other fellow’s attitude is to correct your own.

Try it.  It works.  And it adds immeasurable to the fun of meeting people and being alive.  –   by King Vidor

Several things about this wonderful article stand out to me.

  1. I love how King Vidor words it, “I began to live Thackeray’s idea..”  He doesn’t say “I read Thackeray’s words…” or even “I thought about Thackeray’s words….”  He says I began to LIVE Thackeray’s idea.  There’s the difference, right there!  If we merely READ inspirational, educational, or motivational teachings (whether they’re from the Bible, a favorite Self Help author, or wonderful quotes from outstanding men and women) – we aren’t changing and we aren’t growing.  We’re reading!  Big whoop, most people over the age of 6 can do the same.  However, most people won’t change and that’s where we can really gain ground and make a difference in our lives and world.
  2. I love that he points out that  outside influences and occurrences DO influence our lives but they don’t have to control them.  We are at the controls – always have been, always will be.
  3. I love that King Vidor didn’t have too much foolish pride to admit that he was headed off in the wrong direction before someone else (Thackeray) showed him a better way.  Too many people are so afraid of looking less that perfect – whether they’re politicians, authors, online marketers, salespeople, authors…. the list goes on.  It takes character to admit that you’ve made a mistake or came up short in some area.  It takes guts to share it with others.  Others can benefit from our mistakes, not allowing them the benefit to do so is thisclose to selfish.
  4. He’s as right as rain!  Your own attitude and disposition affect how you see the world and others.  If you are genuinely happy and positive, your outlook will be the same.  If you tend to think negative thoughts about 5 out of every 10 people that you see or meet, it’s way past time for a gut check.  The problem doesn’t lie with them.
  5. “Try it.  It works.  And it adds immeasurable to the fun of meeting people and being alive.” Shouldn’t being alive be MORE about fun and less about finding fault? Dang right it should!  Thackeray’s quote appears again below.  Are you going to read it, write it down, or live it out?

“The world is a looking glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.” – William Makepeace Thackeray

Filed Under: General, Positive Thought, Relationships, Self Help, Thursday Throwback

Tranquilista by Kimberly Wilson: Celebrate Being a Girl

February 7, 2010 by Joi 1 Comment

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. I receive a commission if you visit a link and buy something on my recommendation. Purchasing via an affiliate link doesn’t cost you any extra, and I only recommend products and services I trust. All opinions are my own.

You may be wondering, “What in the world is a tranquilista?” So glad you asked! A tranquilista is a woman who embraces her many sides: spiritual (she’s a tranquility-seeker), creative (loves style), and entrepreneurial (calls her own shots). She hearts fashion and philanthropy. Parties and prayer. Entertainment and enlightenment. The golden rule and layers of vintage gold bangles. She is you and she is moi. She is full of aspiratioins and always seeking inspiration. Oh, and she sparkles. Literally. – Kimberly Wilson, Introduction of Tranqilista

I recently received a beautiful little book to review called Tranquilista: Mastering the Art of Enlightened Work and Mindful Play. When I opened the package, I was immediately smitten by the cover.

Fun!

Girly!

Pink!

I’m so completely there!

Kimberly Wilson wrote this very, very charming book. She’s also the author of Hip Tranquil Chick: A Guide to Life On and Off the Yoga Mat – My secretary (a purple notebook) has been instructed to remind me to order this book off of Amazon today.

A  few of the things I’ve taken away from Tranquilista are:

  • No matter how chaotic life gets, we should take time to enjoy the moments within the hour.  We shouldn’t be so worried about squeezing everything from them that we can.  We should try to allow the moment to just be and ourselves to just be in the moment.
  • We should give back to life, not just take from it.  We will be better people when we begin caring for others and going out of our way for our neighbors, our community, and our earth.
  • We need to breathe deeper and more often.  Inhale the good, exhale the bad. And repeat.
  • Our homes, offices, and/or home offices should be filled with things that make us smile – things that make us feel happy to be alive.  Whether or not anyone else gets it or not.  Near my home office desk, I have two stuffed possums.  They make me smile every time I look at them.  My husband bought one for me and my oldest daughter bought me the other.  I think of them each time I see them as well.  They’re both named Margaret, just in case you were wondering.
  • It’s important to enjoy good food and exercise.  Fortunately, the author seems to have almost as big a sweet tooth as I do, so she never told me that chocolate was a no-no.  That would’ve been a deal breaker.  Because she’s a yoga enthusiast, she has excellent advice about yoga and nutrition.
  • We should never, ever, ever stop being girls!  What’s more we should never apologize for our girliness – just flaunt it.

Kimberly Wilson is an engaging and entertaining author that I know you’ll fall in love with.  One of the smartest things you could do this week would be to head over to Amazon and order not just one, but BOTH of her books.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite passages from the book.  Personally, I’m a HUGE believer of the bath.  Oh, the healing, soothing properties of a long, warm bubble bath with a hot beverage (coffee, hot tea, hot cocoa….) and your cat nearby.

It’s love.

This passage is pretty much an ode to this experience.  It’s from the chapter called Sustainable Style:

Bathing Rituals

After the glorious art of sleeping, my favorite pastime is partaking in a long, luxurious soak in the (preferably claw-foot) tub.  During the colder months, you’ll find me marinating nightly in some yummy concoction of bath salts, bubble bath, or bath bombs.  This is more about indulgence than cleaning le corps.  You’ve probably seen the commercial “Calgon, take me away.”  It may seem silly that the simple act of immersing yourself in water can be touted as producing miraculous results.  I’m here to evangelize that water has healing effects; indulging in them is called hydrotherapy.  For centuries in European spas, water has been used to release toxins, treat disease, and stimulate blood circulation.  Jump right in!  – Page 95, Tranquilista: Mastering the Art of Enlightened Work and Mindful Play by Kimberly Wilson.

To Learn More About the Author:

If you want more information about Kimberly Wilson or her wonderful books, the following links will serve as your guide:

Tranquilista: The Official Website

Kimberly Wilson’s Blog

Tranquilista on Twitter

Tranquilista on Facebook

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Books I Love Tagged With: book review, self improvement book review

Book Review: Better Because of You

February 1, 2010 by Joi 4 Comments

I mentioned, in my last post, an inspirational little book I just finished, Better Because of You by Ginny Hutchinson and Kathy Haffner.  I am absolutely in love with this book and I hope you’ll soon have the opportunity to fall head over heels in love with it as well.

This book is perfect for you if you….

  • Love inspirational books and writings.
  • Love books that read very fast, leaving you more time for other things.
  • Are looking for more peace and zen in your life.
  • Are looking for more joy and happiness.
  • Would like to have your life touched and enriched.
  • Would welcome a ray of sunshine into your world.
  • Are into books that you’ll read again and again and again…

Okay, I could have said this book is perfect for anyone and everyone, but I had a few bullet points lying around and wanted to use them.

This colorful, wonderful-natured, and fun little book is just a little over 100 pages.  It’s not the sort of book that you get half-way through, put on the shelf and then have to force yourself to continue.  Truth be told, it’ll never make it to the shelf.  This is the sort of book you like to keep near you, just in case you need a uplifting quote, an inspirational shot in the arm, a soothing pat on the back, or a motivational kick in the behind.  Believe me, you’ll find just what you need when you need it inside Better Because of You.

I highly recommend this delightful book.  Its positive outlook is contagious and it will give you a lift just when you need one the most.  The gist of the book is to show the reader small, simple things they can do each day to make a big difference in their life… as well as in the lives of others.

The authors give many original insights into life and its many facets.  They share useful tips to help the reader get more joy from life while derailing stress that would like to rob them of this joy.  One of my favorite suggestions is below:

Create a Visualization Board.

Buy a blank poster board.  Think about your life one to two years from now.  Cut out and paste up pictures from magazines or download images from the Internet that represent your dreams, key relationships, a dream home, education, charities to support, vacation destinations, or hobbies that interest you. – Page 30, Better Because of You

I love the thought of having a Visualization board.  My oldest daughter recently put one together on a computer program (Paint), using pictures she rounded up online.  What can I say, my offspring is as environmentally-conscious as I am.

The book is filled with great tips and advice.  Along with each tip, the authors include personal examples of individuals who have experienced the fruits of the tip.  As you’d expect, these have as much of an impact on the reader as the tips do.

The book also includes over 40 pages of inspirational and motivational quotes.  They’re grouped by subject, so you’ll always be able to find just the inspiration you need, in just area you need it.  Sort of like making sure you get the right shot in the right arm.   There’s even a great (equally inspiring) website you can visit and take part in, http://www.betterbecause.com/.

Book Description:
This book shows you how to make life just a little bit better in all 7 facets of your life.

Read true-to-life, inspirational stories that can help you do small things each day to make a big difference in these 7 areas:

– Health
– Wealth
– Wisdom
– Work
– Play
– Others
– Service

Authors Ginny and Cathy are successful Fortune 100 executives who wanted to make a positive difference in the world.

Simply revealed are their 3 core beliefs based on the valuable (and humorous) lessons they learned in the corporate world, decades of marriage and raising children.

This book is essential reading for anyone looking for simple insights on leading a happier life. This book shows you how you, as one individual, can be an irresistible force for positive change.

A portion of proceeds support Room to Read, a non-profit leader educating children in developing countries.

Look Up!

Take time to be present and relish the ordinary moments of your life.  Be aware of your current place, not the past or future.  This means, look up from your cell phone, laptop, or TV.  See what’s going on around you. – Page 16, Better Because of You

I actually read the quote above during a lunch break last week while  serving on jury duty.   All of the jurors had spread out and gone to different restaurants but (you know me), I rushed across the street to a coffee house. I was sitting near a window thinking about this website that hadn’t been updated, that blog that needed a post, the laundry pile that could frighten small children, my cats who would surely sulk for a month, supper that wouldn’t make itself, and so on.  After getting my Steak and Cheese Panini, iced tea, and coffee (yes, two sources of caffeine, don’t judge me) – I sat down and pulled the little book from my purse and began to pick up reading where I’d left off.  The quote above is the first thing I read.

I realized that I was very guilty of not relishing the moment I was in at the time – something that I normally excel in.  I’m simply not the person who can be found living in the future or the past – for better or worse, I’m forever in the moment, trying to make it count double.  However, a chaotic couple of weeks was beginning to turn me into a bundle of nerves – and a bundle of  nerves doesn’t do anyone any good.

I literally took a deep breath, put the book back in my purse, and enjoyed my sandwich and tea. Then I sat and slowly drank my (outstanding) coffee without thinking about anything except my surroundings, my blessings, and this wonderful ride we call life.   The next time you find yourself coming unwound or unraveled, take a deep breath.  Then take in your surroundings and the beauty that’s outside your window.  Within this pause you’ll find clarity, peace, and relaxation.  As they say, “Look Up!”

The adorable logos above are available on BetterBecause.com – I obviously chose my own mantras, but there are plenty to choose from. You can have the logos printed on a number of products, including coffee mugs and tumblers.   How cute are they?

Order Better Because of You on Amazon today.

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Books I Love, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought Tagged With: Book Reviews, books I love, inspirational books, quotes, self help books, self improvement books

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