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Archives for July 2010

Spirted Article from July 1921: An Approach to Kicking Bad Habits

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The following article first appeared in the July 1921 issue of NAUTILUS Magazine of NEW THOUGHT.  The author, with all the personality in the world, addresses the subject of quitting smoking.  However, the advice could be just as useful with other habits.

A Divorce From Tobacco

by Jean Dare Roberts

My husband had been trying for years to break away from the tobacco habit, but seemed to find it too strong fro him, and gave up.

His younger brother, who has been a still worse slave, surprised me, on a recent visit, by refusing a cigar.

The last time I saw him before he was using six or eight cigars a day and eating at least a cut of chewing tobacco between smokes.  Eating is the right word.  He swallowed both juice and cud.

I was anxious to know how he had conquered a habit of half a lifetime.  He had picked it up when only seven years old.

It seems that his heart got to cutting some queer capers, and frightened him into consulting a doctor.  After giving him the “once over” and back again, the M.D. told him to cut out the tobacco, and to be in a hurry about it, if he wished to escape the undertaker.

He certainly was frightened.  He just thought that was his death warrant.  He had tried so many times and so many different remedies, and everything had failed.

He tried for days to find some help and, finally, as a last resort, he decided to look into his sister’s New Thought literature that he had been ridiculing.

Quite naturally, he didn’t want her to know that he was interested, so he sneaked some out and took it to the office to study.

It appealed to him as being rather sensible, after all, and as he knew of nothing better to do, he decided to try it.

After a few day’s study, he decided on the plan which he followed to success.

On March twentieth he said to himself, “After April twentieth I shall not use any more tobacco.  I shall not care for it, and I shall not be uncomfortable from stopping its use.”

He continued to use it, but every time he prepared a smoke or took a chew, he repeated his formula.  Also the last thing before going to sleep.

On the morning of the appointed day he laid what remained of his supply on the bathroom shelf, and has never used any since that time.

He says that he suffered no inconvenience, ans has had no craving for it.

His health is restored, and his temper and mind are much improved.  They seem to be getting better every day.

– Page 32,  A Divorce From Tobacco by Jean Dare Roberts In NAUTILUS Magazine of NEW THOUGHT, July 1921

“…his heart got to cutting some queer capers…”   – my favorite phrase of the month.  Hands down.

My Favorite 25 Quotes About Adversity

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Quote about Adversity

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have… we all have.  What’s more, we’ll continue to have “those days.”  Heck, sometimes we overachieve and have “those weeks.”

Been there. Done that.

Below are my CURRENT favorite 25 quotes about adversity.  The ones in bold?  They’re my absolute favoritest of all.

When life kicks you, don’t let it kick you over. – Kay Yow

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. – Robert Fulghum

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. – M. Kathleen Casey

I have learned there is a gift wrapped inside of every adversity and, if you have faith and hope, you can lose everything and still survive. – Sandi Bachom

When life kicks you, make it kick you forward. – Unknown

I had a lover’s quarrel with the world. – Robert Frost Quote, “The Lesson for Today”

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. – Author Unknown

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know of no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater their power to harm us. – Voltaire

The darkest hour has only sixty minutes. – Morris Mandel

Have the courage to face a difficulty lest it kick you harder than you bargained for. – Stanislaus I, Maxims

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. – Josh Billings

Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. – Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb, from the song, “Rock Bottom”

Despair is anger with no place to go. – Mignon McLaughlin,”The Neurotic’s Notebook”

To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered. – Oscar Wilde

Problems are messages. – Shakti Gawain

Problems are the price you pay for progress. – Branch Rickey

Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. – James Russell Lowell, “Cambridge Thirty Years Ago”

There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity… when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. – Author Unknown

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Talking about your grievances merely adds to those grievances. Give recognition only to what you desire. – Thomas Dreier

Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees. – J. Willard Marriott

Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them. – Hugh Miller, “Snow on the Wind”

I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it isn’t of much value. Life hasn’t revealed its beauty to them. – Boris Pasternak

We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” Unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way. – Philip E. Bernstein

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. – Victor Hugo

BONUS: My oldest daughter, Emily, was about 8 when she said something about problems that I will always remember:

What doesn’t kill you will one day make for a great story. – Emily Sigers

More quotes about adversity!

Random Thoughts Covered with Peanut Butter

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While I was making an outstanding Peanut Butter Sheet Cake (I’ll have the recipe up on my food blog today – trust me, you’ll want this one in the worst way) yesterday, my mind went on one of its famous wandering expeditions.  I found myself deliberating in a lot of different neighborhoods:

  • A movie my husband and I saw Friday – SALT.  It stars my favorite actress, Angelina Jolie, so naturally we saw it on opening night.  Awesome movie! I debated whether or not I liked it as well as or better than Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Wanted.  I decided that SALT was one of her 2 best movies to date.  With that dilemma solved, the brain headed off in a different direction.
  • Why can’t rice cakes have a gazillion calories and cake, cookies, pies, fudge, etc have virtually nil.  Why can’t it be a world where Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels say, “Calories in… Calories out… Eat all the peanut butter fudge and cheesecake you want, but if you even touch a rice cake – I’ll know and I’ll know.  I’ll yell. You’ll cry.”
  • Why do pets ever have to die? One of my outside cats died a few days ago.  Fortunately my youngest daughter’s boyfriend buried him for me.  Pets dying just seems so unnecessary and cruel.  Why can’t our pets just live and live and live…  This little guy (“Scratch”) was one of the sweetest-natured cats we’ve ever had. I’d just look at him and he’d start purring.  When I petted him or talked baby talk to him (yes, I’m one of those cat lovers), forget about it – his body would nearly explode with purring.  Love him muchly. Miss him terribly.
  • Why are the St. Louis Cardinals shopping around for more pitchers when pitching isn’t our weakness this year.  Wev’e got 3 of the best starting pitchers in all of baseball, a guy in the bullpen (Motte) that’s scary good, and a few other relievers who’d be equally scary good if they got more work – but with starting pitchers like Adam Wainwright, Chris Carpenter, and Jamie Garcia – sometimes they’re like Maytag repairmen out there.

My final thoughts were centered around people who seemingly love to help others.  Not just the ones who come through for others, but the ones who come through and don’t resent it.  A lot about Rusty ( he’s daughter #3’s boyfriend) reminds me of my husband. They’re hard workers with great senses of humor.  They had to overcome difficult childhoods and don’t seem to harbor the slightest bit of bitterness.

Rusty also has a trait that reminds me of my mom (and a trait I certainly hope I possess).  He is always incredibly willing to do whatever he can to help other people.  Not just willing – downright happy about it!  My mom was the same way.  She’d do everything in her means – and often beyond her means – to help someone… anyone… who needed it.  Smiled the whole time doing it.  The only thing she seemed sorry about or seemed to regret was that she couldn’t do more.   She never complained.  In addition to working full-time in the school system, she worked with and volunteered for the local Red Cross, the Lion’s Club, and the Salvation Army.  I remember countless times she’d come home and tell me about the children she’d helped during the day.  She didn’t name names, of course, but I heard all about the underprivileged  little girls and boys who she’d taken to doctors, optometrists, dentists, etc.  She’d tell how excited they were when she took them to McDonald’s, Dairy Queen, or Wendy’s.

Sometimes these precious little babies – born without a plastic spoon let alone a silver spoon – would mention to her that they didn’t have this or they wish they had that.  If these things were within her reach, they soon had just what they needed – whether it was a pair of gloves, a notebook, a backpack, rain boots, pajamas, etc.

She didn’t go to any agency for the funds.  She went to her own purse.  Being able to help others who needed it made her smile more than just about anything.  She only frowned and only complained when she couldn’t do more.

She was even more generous to her family.  All of us knew that if we needed anything in the world, she’d be there for us, smiling the whole time.  She was a giver and relished the role.

As I glazed the peanut butter cake, my thoughts finally wrapped themselves up with this:  Our homes, our families, our communities, and our world would all be a lot better off if there were more joyful givers amongst us.  If more people smiled when they helped others – rather than looking around for pats on the back, accolades, or praise.  If, rather than feeling sorry for themselves, more people saved their compassion for others.

My daughter had gotten Rusty out of bed to bury Scratch for me.  He’d just been in bed for a few hours (after working a night shift).  He walked around my yard with me, looking for just the right spot.  He even found a perfect little box and carefully dug a large whole in the merciless heat.

When he was through I began telling him how grateful I was but he stopped me.  He just said, You know I was happy to do it.

And I did know.  I also know something else, I’d never have heard the end of it if I’d attempted to do it myself!

I guess the ambitions of this post are simple:  To make people more aware of what’s going on in the lives of the people around them. Stop worrying so much about how many hours a week you work, how little sleep you got last night, or how “burdened” you believe yourself to be.

Take a good look around. Look at other people’s needs. Ask yourself what you can do to touch the lives of other people.  Of course, if you’re one of those people who resent doing anything for anyone else, you’d be better off watching the grass grow.

The world doesn’t need any more selfish people – it has plenty.  The world needs more selfless people – it hasn’t nearly enough.

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Ever Wonder what your brain craves on the weekend? Find out in the newest article on Out of Bounds.

Relationships: Handle With Care

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Relationships. Two of my daughters (Emily and Stephany) and I recently had a killer discussion about relationships – not just romantic relationships.  We went deep –  delving into what we thinks makes any and all relationships work, as well as the things that keep them from working.

Deep waters for a Wednesday afternoon walk, but it kept our minds off of the heat.

We all agreed that treating others with kindness and respect were pivotal ingredients of a healthy relationship.  All three of us love nothing more than laughing, so we immediately agreed that any relationship without humor is… well… headed nowhere fast.  As for the romantic relationships, we agreed that putting the other person needs ahead of your own is VITAL.

We also hit upon something else that I thought was pretty key.

I told my girls that I’ve been getting A LOT of e-mails lately from mothers who are either experiencing an “empty nest,” dreading the “empty nest,” or are learning to  make the adjustment from small children to the young adult variety.

I’m not sure what this surge in sad moms is attributed to, but my heart goes out to my fellow madres.

First of all, I have to say that (with all due respect to anyone who uses or has ever used the phrase “empty nest syndrome” – I hate that expression with a peculiar hatred).  For one thing, most of the time the so-called nest is still occupied by one or two parents…. often a cat or dog…. sometimes all of the above – at any rate, this does not an “empty” nest make.

More importantly, it doesn’t make an “empty” life.

I think that when someone feels emptiness in any area of their life, they should fill it.  Often it’s not the nest that’s empty – it’s the life.  At any rate, I have future articles planned for this very subject, with lots of tips and tricks of the trade to help these parents make these transitions with grace.

It’s so much better for all involved!

The reason I bring these particular parents up at the moment is because many of them make a perfect illustration for another key element in relationships.

Here’s a scenario (mark it down, it’s happening somewhere in the world even as you’re reading these words):  A mother is left at home while her husband is off at a ballgame.  The kids (who once would be watching television or making lovely noise that fills the house) are now suddenly on dates, at school, or out with friends.

When everyone comes home, they’re met with an icy stare and an attitude hiding a broken heart.  When they finally get her to speak (occasionally it takes a while to break the ice), she hits them each right between the eyes and nearly knocks them to the floor with what has become a potent weapon: Guilt trips.

Naturally, nothing good comes from it.  Instead of curing the ills of one person, suddenly the whole family is miserable.  The problem is the husband and, especially the kids, have no point of reference.

Too often, all of us expect the other person or persons to understand how we FEEL – when that’s next to impossible… they’ve never been in the peculiar situation we’re in and have no point of reference.

It’s foreign to them, so asking them to “understand” is nearly impossible.  Everyone winds up frustrated and – in the end – the one who started the ball rolling wishes with all their might they’d just held the ball.  Sat on the ball. Swallowed the ball.

The same goes for the father who has worked hard to pay for his tools and rides his son extra hard to put them back, gently, where they belong.  The young son doesn’t  have a point of reference since he hasn’t had to work hard and save for something as nice as the tools his dad now treats so carefully.

The dad can blow up (and many do) but, in the end – what does the son wind up thinking, “Hot head! Why doesn’t he just chill… they’re tools for crying out loud?!”

No point of reference.

How about the wife who loses patience with her husband because he doesn’t want to “talk things out?”  She’s accustomed to talking until her lips are numb with her mother, sisters, and friends.  What’s his problem? Males don’t grow up “talking things out” – guess they’re too busy saving for, buying, and standing guard duty on their tools. (Sorry, guys – much love to you and your tools.)

I’m not saying that when we’re hurt we should keep a lid on it. No, no, no, not even close.

However, I am suggesting a few things:

  1. Before giving your emotions a voice, let the emotions come down a few decibels. If you speak when you’re angry or hurt, the words that come out of your mouth aren’t the words you’d “sign off on” if you were in your right frame of mind.  You’d want to edit the heck out of them.  Angry words are stones hurled at relationships.
  2. Sometimes, if you give your emotions a little break (by watching a baseball game, taking a shower, taking a walk, visiting Mayberry with Andy Griffith…) – they’ll be much more reasonable when you call upon them to testify.
  3. Even better, often if you give your emotions a much-needed break, you’ll find out that what you thought was worth blowing up over actually doesn’t even warrant a mention. Your relationship will remain intact and you can save your “anger card” for a more appropriate time.
  4. If, after the break, you feel that your emotions need to be heard (and often this is the case), do so in a manner that your point will come across rather than your anger or pain.  Don’t go on the attack.  Doing so will only cause the other person to throw up every shield and response mechanism they can find. Then a fight is more than likely to go down.  Then, make no mistake about it, your point is toast.  You are instantly public enemy number 1.  Anyone who happens to be caught in the crossfire will see you as little more than a public nuisance as well.  Be calm. Be reasonable. Be mature.  Be an adult.
  5. Take selfishness out of the equation.  If you’re feeling ignored, put upon, over-worked, slighted, etc – ask yourself, “And when did the world start revolving around me?”  Some of the things people get bent out of shape over remind me of 5 year olds on a playground.  “She said this!… He isn’t letting me have the ball!… She won’t play with me!….”  Kids on a playground don’t think of the other kids.  They think of themselves.  They don’t think, “I bet he’d love to play with this ball.  I’ve had it for a long time, I’m going to let him play with it.”  Adults should be capable of  thinking outside of the parameters of self.  We don’t always do it, but we’re more than capable!  Relationships require mature individuals thinking about the other person as opposed to just thinking about themselves.
  6. Every now and then ask yourself if you’re a fun person to hang around!  Do you look for the good in life? Do you look for the good in people?  Do you like to complain and moan a little too much – so much so that it’s become a habit? Do you love to laugh and, if you can’t find a reason to laugh, create a reason?!
  7. Show the people you love that they’re the people you love.

Relationships. Think about the word over the coming days.  The relationships in my life are my riches.  I value them more than a cat values her next meal, more than a girl values her cellphone, more than a boy values his X box, more than a baby values milk, and – yes – even more than a man values his Sears tools (If I knew a great brand, I’d use it – I could walk out to my husband’s toolbox and check the name written on the handle, but I might trigger the alarm system…).   Relationships are more valuable than gold but, unfortunately, they can also be more fragile than glass.

You’ll do yourself the biggest, grandest, most supreme favor ever if you’ll begin treating your relationships with this in mind.

Relationship Reminders:

  • What’s said cannot ever be unsaid.
  • What’s done cannot ever be undone.
  • People usually forgive but they never forget.
  • Every word out of your mouth paints the picture of your reputation and pens your autobiography.
  • Be the person you’d want to be around.  If you’re a wife, be the sort of wife you’d want to have.  If you’re a husband, be the sort of husband you’d want to have.  If you’re a daughter, be the sort of daughter you’d want to have. If you’re a son, be the sort of son you’d want to have.  If you’re a mother, be the sort of mother you’d want to have.  If you’re a father, be the sort of father you’d want to have….
  • Keep in mind that the other person may not have a point of reference.  They aren’t trying to mistreat you or cause you mental anguish – very often, they simply don’t understand where you’re coming from.  If you aren’t conveying the message in a way they “get,” the fault isn’t entirely theirs.  Make your point, but please make sure it’s worth making first.
  • Remember, it isn’t always about you.  It really isn’t.
  • Remember, sometimes it is about you. Contradiction? Not really. (Read the article on the other side of the link!)

I want you to have the best life possible – filled with the happiest days and nights imaginable.  I know that this isn’t possible if you don’t start treating your relationships as the valuable treasures they are.  Please don’t take people for granted and please don’t ever, ever treat them as though they just don’t quite measure up. The people you love deserve so much better than that.

When it comes to relationships, when all’s said and done: You’ll wish you’d said less and done more.

~ Joi

Heart Health on a String: A Shoestring, That Is

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If heart health isn’t something you think about very often, the time has come to right that mental ship.  Heart health should be at the forethought of everyone’s mind – irregardless of their age.  If you’ve ever watched a loved one struggle with heart problems, heart medications, and/or literally fight for his or her life, you know that this isn’t something to mess with or take for granted.

Heart health also isn’t something to put off for sometime in the future, “I’ll worry about that when I’m older…”  What if it’s too late then? The time to think about heart health is now – while you still have the upper hand.

I’m not trying to scare anyone and I’m not (entirely) trying to be your own personal mother hen.  The feathers just fit so nicely.

Many people (including me, in the past) are convinced that eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle are too costly to bother with.  They think that lowering your blood pressure, improving your diet, exercise, and healthy living are outside of their budget.

This misconception actually has a pretty good root system.  Yes, many fruits and vegetables are higher now than they once were.  Fish?  It can be outrageous.  Doctor visits and prescriptions?  Do we really want to go there?

But here’s the thing.  What’s the alternative?  How costly will the heart procedures be that are necessary to keep you alive?  Hospital stays make visits to the doctor’s office look like a trip to the Dollar General Store.

Preventive medicine is the best medicine.

Here are things you can begin doing (and not doing) today to improve your heart’s health.  Some are even free!

  • Walk for at least 30 minutes each day.  Come on, it doesn’t get any budget friendly than a free walk.  Experts all agree that walking is one of the best things we can do for our heart.  If the weather isn’t conducive to a walk outdoors, walk at the mall.  You could even walk at a large department store.  The main thing is to just keep that body moving and that heart pumping.  If walking outside isn’t an option AND you can’t get to a store, I’m not letting you off the hook just yet.  Walk around your house (your cat or dog will think it’s great entertainment) or simply march in place while watching a favorite television show.  Again, just keep your heart pumping and your body moving for at least 30 minutes.
  • Find ways to fill up on fruit and vegetables.  It’s funny how we’ll think very little of paying over $8 for a sack of fast food – burgers, fries, and a drink – but the thought of spending $8 in the produce aisle sends us into a tizzy!  Think of it this way: The $8 for produce is an investment in our health and the $8 for  junk food is a drop in the bucket – just piling up future health costs, loss of work, suffering, prescriptions…
  • Look for produce stands.  Their prices are almost always better than supermarkets.
  • Buy frozen fruit and vegetables as well as cans.  Fresh is always best, of course, but frozen is outstanding as well.
  • Cut back on salt.  This one certainly doesn’t cost anything! Your heart despises too much salt. If it had a voice, I’m pretty sure it’d say, “Enough, already!”
  • When ordering food out, go for grilled instead of fried every time.
  • Eat more fish and chicken than red meat.
  • Check the supermarket circulars for specials, clip coupons, and buy healthy food in bulk.
  • Read labels.  Many cereals are fortified with excellent things for heart health.
  • Fall in love with oatmeal. Your heart loves oatmeal!
  • Forget that fried foods exist.
  • If you smoke, stop.  If you don’t smoke, don’t start.  This one will save you more money than you could ever imagine – in the present and future.
  • This is something else to keep in mind: When we improve one area of our health, we improve other areas as well. Did you know that you can protect your hearing as you improve your heart health?
  • Find ways to relax.  Relaxation techniques are key to good heart health (as well as mental health, emotional health, and spiritual health).  When it comes to relaxation tips, you simply have to find what works for YOU.  What works for me (playing with my cats, cooking, watching and feeding birds, watching baseball) may not do a thing for you – especially if you’re allergic to cats, can’t cook, have a bird phobia, or your team causes you great suffering.  When will those Cubs escape the goat? You don’t find quiet time, you make quiet time.

The following appeared in a recent article on a wonderful website, Everyday Health:

Rediscover Home Cooking

A heart healthy diet doesn’t have to break your budget. “Buy foods on sale — read your supermarket’s sale flyer, make a shopping list, and plan your menu around what’s on special,” advises Schmidt, who says the real problem is that people aren’t cooking enough. “Cooking at home is the cheap way — fast food is not cheap. You can end up spending $15 to $20 at McDonald’s when you could buy a roasting chicken for $3.” Homemade food is not only more economical and heart healthy, it usually tastes better.

There’s also a big difference between the low-nutrition value of a greasy fast food meal and the heart health benefits of a hearty, homemade chicken soup or one made with fiber-rich lentils, onions, garlic, and carrots — two of Schmidt’s favorite one-pot dishes. She likes to finish each off with a can of crushed tomatoes for flavor, color, and the antioxidant lycopene.

If fresh produce is too expensive, buy large bags of frozen veggies and berries. And as for fish, Schmidt says you don’t always have to go for the expensive types. When she’s counseling patients, she reminds them that the cheapest option, sardines, is the best choice when it comes to getting heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids. Schmidt suggests serving them on whole-wheat toast.  – Source: Everyday Health

There are tons of great, healthy recipes online – including on my own food blog.  You can also learn a lot about cooking by becoming a regular viewer of the Food Network.  Trust me, there’s nothing on tv quite as addictive as the great shows on this channel.  Ace of Cakes, Sunny Anderson, Down Home with the Neely’s, Paula Deen, Alton Brown, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives… this is the good stuff!

Bonus? Some of the Food Network stars are incredibly relaxing to watch. The whole process of food being cut, chopped, prepared, it can sometimes lull you into the most supreme state of relaxation imaginable.

Now tell me your heart won’t love that.

Also See: How to Follow a Mediterranean Diet and Why You Should