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You are here: Home / 2013 / Archives for April 2013

Archives for April 2013

The Names We Call People are A Lot Like Post It Notes

April 26, 2013 by Joi 1 Comment

“I can still feel the impact of a musical friend who one day called me ‘musical.’ No one had ever called me that. I didn’t really play an instrument. I was no soloist. Yet . . . I instantly felt known and loved. . . . [He] noticed, validated, and appreciated something deeply true about me.” 

These words were written in an article by Mark Labberton and beautifully remind us of the importance of “names” we assign to one another.

Whatever “names” or even “images” we assign to other people carry a lot of weight, and for better or worse, you’d better believe they stick.

Power of Names

Long before I considered myself a writer, I thought of words as little pieces of puzzles. The end result of piecing them together might be a letter to a loved one, an essay at school, or a few lines in my diary about the impossibly cute boy who worked at an arcade in town.

Naturally I never thought about my effectiveness with words. I simply knew I loved being in their presence.  I remember when I actually began to feel like, maybe… just maybe… they enjoyed being in my presence as well.

My aunt (one of the sweetest people in the world, by the way) was always one of my favorite family members to write letters to.  She loved to hear about my pets, friends, school, clothes, etc. If I had an interest in something, she wanted to know all about it.  One Christmas (I believe I was around 14-15), she and my uncle came home for Christmas. Right smack in front of the entire family, she launched into how much she loves getting my letters. She said I had a “gift” for writing.   She went on to say that she kept all of my letters.  Then my mom said that she kept all of my poems and short stories that I’d written in school.

I thought, “They KEPT all that crap???”

My aunt told me, “You should be a writer,” and my mom replied, “She already is.”

I have no idea what gifts I unwrapped under the tree that year, but I know that two of the most important people in my life gave me one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten – belief in myself.

Since that day, whenever I’ve written anything I’ve sat a little taller and felt a lot more confident.  Whenever I’d get anything less than an A+ on an essay, I’d think, “Well, you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m the writer here.”

Some might say my mom and aunt created a monster and I can’t say they’d entirely be wrong. But it’s a writing monster and that’s what counts.

Many years passed between the day my mom and aunt made me feel 10 feet tall.  I became a wife (to the cute arcade boy, by the way) and mother of three beautiful daughters.  I threw myself completely into these roles. The only writing I did was letters and curriculum for my daughters, who I home-schooled all the way from Kindergarten to 12th Grade.

When I decided that I’d very much like to be a web publisher and blog writer, I remembered what my family had said all those years ago.  Their words gave me confidence to try.  They stuck.

When I first began writing online, sometimes I’d read the work of truly great authors and I’d begin to doubt myself. I’d think, “I haven’t been doing this as long as them… I don’t have their education…” ” Right around this time, a friend of my husband’s who happened to have a great reputation online as a web publisher said that he was “in love with my writing.”

This compliment was like a shot in the arm and I felt positively sassy again.

Words carry so much weight! Whether they’re words we say to our children, our spouse, ourselves, or people we barely even know.

Power of Names

Think of words like this: When you call someone “dumb” or even say they did a “dumb” thing – it’s as though you’re writing the word on a post it note and pinning it to their top.  They WILL live down to your expectations.

When you call someone “gifted,” “smart,” “witty,” etc… they WILL live up to your expectations.

Think about things people have called you. No doubt both good and bad names come to mind.  That’s a perfect illustration that these labels STAY with us and a wonderful reminder to watch what words come out of your mouth.

Now for a harder exercise – think about the names you have called other people or the titles you’ve given them.  If you’re the sort of person who has pinned far more negative words than positive, make it right. If you think you’ve been particularly harmful to someone’s self confidence or fear that someone doesn’t think you believe in them – don’t let another day go by without clearing things up.

Words have the power to change lives.

Thanks for reading… you’re awesome!
~ Joi

“If you wouldn’t write it and sign it, don’t say it.” – Earl Wilson

 

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Relationships Tagged With: power of words, Relationships

The Storm Will Pass. The Spring Will Come.

April 18, 2013 by Joi Leave a Comment

First Robin of Spring

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in a low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come. – Robert H. Schuller

I thought of this great quote by Robert H. Schuller recently. Like everyone, I was growing a little anxious for spring to arrive. The cold days just seem to linger and linger and linger. To make matters worse, we kept getting little teases of warm weather. I’d put my cardigans and sweaters in the back of the closet, only to have to dig them back out when the temperatures would dive again.

Don’t get me wrong, I love winter. But she just about overstayed her welcome this year!

When I saw the first robin of spring (something we bird lovers always watch for), I thought about this wonderful quote.

The spring will come. It always does.

When we lose loved ones, we can’t even imagine EVER smiling again, let alone laughing. Yet, after a while, we do both. When we’re in the throes of a stomach flu or sinusitis, we can’t even remember what it’s like to feel good.  And, yet, when we DO feel better, we’re convinced that it’s the best we’ve ever felt in our life!

The spring will come. It always does.

If you’re going through a difficult time right now – whether it’s related to health, grief, relationship problems, or one of life’s other monstrosities – keep reminding yourself that it won’t always be like this. Better, brighter, happier days are ahead.  Storms never last forever and, very often, they leave a beautiful rainbow in their wake.

The spring will come. It always does!
~ Joi

Filed Under: Daily Quote, Positive Thought Tagged With: Quote about hope, quote of the day, Robert H. Schuller quote

How to Naturally Treat Acid Reflux Disease and Symptoms

April 9, 2013 by Joi Leave a Comment

Red Apples - Treat Acid Reflux Disease Naturally

Anyone who has ever experienced acid reflux knows what misery means.  The pain, the burning, the FOUL taste left in your mouth… there just isn’t anything remotely good about it. While there are medications available, most of us would like to be on as few medicines as possible.  Having said that, of course, if your condition is especially bad, you’d be nuts NOT to see a doctor for a prescription.  You don’t look nuts to me, so I know you’ll see a doctor if you need to.

Fortunately, there are actually quite a few things we can do to treat acid reflux symptoms on our own.  By just making a few changes to our diet and, if needed, adding a few simple things to our diet, we can spend more time sleeping soundly and less time sitting up in the middle of the bed cursing every bite we took the previous day.  Been there, hated that.

Natural Remedies for Acid Reflux:

The following is a dream team for those experiencing digestive problems.  Experts suggest trying different ones to see which work for you. Just be sure to stick with them long enough to see if they’re doing you any good or not.

  1. Aloe Vera Juice.  This juice (with a taste that requires a little getting used to) is a MUST HAVE for anyone with digestion-related issues.  While drinking a little Aloe Vera Juice can quickly alleviate nausea, indigestion, and heart burn, it’s also a great idea to drink some each day – before you actually have pain or feel queasy.  You should take up to 4 oz daily, preferably before eating.  We’ve kept Aloe Vera Juice in the refrigerator for as long as I can remember. It aids digestion and is a God-send for upset stomachs.
  2. Herbal Licorice.  I have never, personally, tried Herbal Licorice but it sounds pretty amazing.  A story on Treating Acid Reflux Symptoms (Fox News) reported that Herbal Licorice is believed to be effective in treating stomach and intestinal ulcers, reducing stomach acid levels, coating the stomach wall with a protective gel and relieving constipation.  Look in the Vitamins/Minerals/Herbs section of your favorite store.  Licorice Herbal Tea is available on Amazon (I’m throwing some into my cart asap!).
  3. Apple Cider Vinegar. I have to admit, this one caught me a little off guard!  While I love Apple Cider Vinegar in barbecue sauces, German Potato Salad, and a lot of other recipes, I’ve never considered taking a spoonful or two of it. Apparently, I don’t know what I’ve been missing.  Apple Cider Vinegar has a calming effect on your stomach and naturally alleviates stomach acid. In fact, a lot of people who haven’t gotten relief for their Acid Reflux Disease with other methods have had great success with Apple Cider Vinegar – something that was probably in their pantry the whole time.  Simply add 2 teaspoons to a glass of water and drink three times per day.  The water will make it more palatable – as will the knowledge that you’re chasing stomach acid away.

See Treating Acid Reflux Symptoms (Fox News) for a few more suggestions.

Foods That Help Acid Reflux Symptoms:

The following foods are known to help naturally treat acid reflux disease and help keep acid from forming in the first place. (Source)

  • Red apples
  • Ginger root
  • Basil leaves
  • Herbal teas
  • Grapefruit
  • Yellow mustard
  • Fennel seed
  • Pickles

A Few Other Simple Tips for Treating Acid Reflux Disease:

  1. Eat slowly. Take your time to chew each bite thoroughly and even put your fork or spoon down between bites.
  2. Don’t eat while flustered, angry, or even agitated! Chill out… THEN eat in peace.
  3. Keep a food journal.  If you take a few weeks (or even months to be especially thorough) and write down everything you eat and drink each day – then note whether you’ve experienced pain and discomfort or not – you may see a pattern develop. Your problem could possibly be solved simply by cutting out certain foods, or even restaurants.  Common “problem” foods include fatty foods (because they’re more difficult to digest), fried foods, citrus fruits, garlic, chocolate, caffeine, and tomatoes. Keep in mind, however, that foods that bother one person may not bother you one bit. That’s why a personal food journal is the best way to go – then you’ll know the only “problem” foods that really matter – those that are a problem for YOU!
  4. Eat small meals frequently as opposed to a couple of large meals each day.  This advice is given for so many different issues that I’m starting to think it’s simply healthier to eat lightly throughout the day. Whether it’s weight loss, hiatal hernias, stomach ulcers, or acid reflux disease, this advice is golden.  When it comes to acid reflux disease, the correlation is simple: Large meals force the stomach to create more acid. Is it any wonder all-you-can-eat buffets often spell misery?
  5. Be smart about when you eat.  Don’t eat right before exercising or right before going to bed (or even lying down on the couch for a cat nap).  You should wait at least 3 hours after eating before going to bed.

Finally, if you battle acid reflux (either several times a week or several times a year), I highly recommend the best book I’ve found on the subject: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Acid Reflux Diet. Click the link to find this great book on Amazon or click the following link to read my The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Acid Reflux Diet Review.

~ Joi

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: acid reflux, foods for acid reflux disease, treat acid reflux disease naturally

Bouncing Back from Life’s Challenges and Disappointments

April 9, 2013 by Joi Leave a Comment

Bouncing Back by Linda Graham
When you read (or hear) the words “bouncing back,” what do you think of? I suppose it’s because I’ve had three daughters, but when I see/hear the words, I initially think of “bouncing back” from a 9 month pregnancy, labor, and recovery.  I imagine the time and effort it takes to “feel whole” again.

This imagery can actually accompany anything that we need to “bounce back” from.

I remember when my husband’s mother passed away.  When we went to a ballgame soon after and my husband was taking business calls as he ate popcorn and got ready to throw out the first pitch, I thought “he’s returning to a type of normalcy.”  Put another way, he was “bouncing back.”  All of us who have lost loved ones know that, at some point, you have to get up and carry on. You have to find a way to smile again and look at the future with hope as you make peace with the past and present.

Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a health set-back, financial thunderstorm, or relationship disaster – we either bounce back or we stay down.

Staying down just isn’t an option, right?

A very talented author, Linda Graham, MFT, has written a fascinating and thought-provoking, book wonderfully titled Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being.

From the Back Cover of Bouncing Back:

Resilience is the ability to face and handle life’s challenges, whether everyday disappointments or extraordinary disasters. While resilience is innate in the brain, over time we learn unhelpful patterns, which then become fixed in our neural circuitry. But science is now revealing that what previously seemed hardwired can be rewired, and Bouncing Back shows us how. With powerful, time-tested exercises, Linda Graham guides us in rebuilding our core well-being and disaster-proofing our brains.

Below is an article that was written by Linda Graham. It sort of “sets the stage” for the book. ~ Joi

Hiccups and Hurricanes: Bouncing Back from Life’s Challenges

By Linda Graham

We are all called upon to cope with hiccups and hurricanes in our lives — losing our wallet and car keys, discovering mold in the bathroom, missing three days at the office to care for a sick child — and we do. We are resilient heroes in our own lives every day as we skillfully navigate the disruptive, unwanted changes of the washing machine going on the fritz or the car needing a new transmission.

Occasionally we have to respond with grace under pressure to greater troubles and tragedies: infertility or infidelity, a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, losing a job, a son wounded in combat overseas.

The way we can bounce back from such everyday disappointments and extraordinary disasters is through resilience – capacities innate in the brain to respond to the inevitable twists and turns in life flexibly and adaptively.

Modern neuroscience is revealing how we can harness the brain’s capacities of neuroplasticity to rewire our habitual patterns of response to strengthen what I call the 5 C’s of coping:

  1. Calm: You can stay calm in a crisis.
  2. Clarity: You can see clearly what’s happening as well as your internal response to what’s happening; you can see what needs to happen next; and you can see possibilities from different perspectives that will enhance your ability to respond flexibly.
  3. Connection: You can reach out for help as needed; you can learn from others how to be resilient; and you can connect to resources that greatly expand your options.
  4. Competence: You can call on skills and competencies that you have learned through previous experience to act quickly and effectively.
  5. Courage: You can strengthen your faith to persevere in your actions until you come to resolution or acceptance of the difficulty.

More than 80 exercises in Bouncing Back allow you to do this rewiring safely, efficiently, effectively.  The tools and techniques drawn from mindfulness practices and relational psychology create and accelerate brain change and strengthen the parts of the brain we need to cope.  You recover a deep resilience and well-being that will last a lifetime.

An example: Keep CALM and Carry On

The fastest way to regulate the body’s stress response and return to a sense of calm is to activate the release of oxytocin in the brain.  Oxytocin is the neurostransmitter of safety and trust and is the brain’s direct and immediate antidote to the stress hormone cortisol.  Oxytocin can be thought of as the neurochemical foundation of resilience.

The fastest way to release oxytocin and mitigate stress is through safe touch in a soothing relationship.  Fortunately, neuroscientists have demonstrated many times that even remembering or imaging someone we love and by whom we feel loved is enough to release small but regular doses of oxytocin.

Exercise: Hand on the Heart

We come into steady calm by experiencing moments of feeling safe, loved, and cherished and letting those moments register in our body and encode new circuitry in our brain. This exercise offers a way to evoke those feelings.

1. Begin by placing your hand on your heart, feeling the warmth of your own touch. Breathe gently and deeply into your heart center, taking in a sense of calm, peace, goodness, safety, trust, acceptance, and ease.

2. Once that’s steady, call to mind a moment of being with someone who loves you unconditionally, someone you feel completely safe with. This may, of course, be a partner, child, or parent; but if the dynamics of those relationships are complicated and the emotions mixed, you may choose any true other to your true self: a dear friend, a trusted teacher, a close colleague or neighbor, a therapist, your grandmother, a spiritual figure like Jesus or the Dalai Lama, or your wiser self. Pets are also great for this exercise.

3. As you remember feeling safe and loved with this person or pet, see if you can sense in your body the positive feelings and sensations associated with that memory. Really savor a feeling of warmth, safety, trust, and love in your body.

4. When that feeling is steady, let go of the image and simply bathe in the feeling itself for thirty seconds. Savor the rich nurturing of this feeling; let it really soak in.

The Neuroscience:

Breathing deeply, gently, and fully activates the calming branch of our autonomic nervous system, the parasympathetic branch. The parasympathetic modulates the body-brain’s fight-flight-freeze response when we feel threatened or agitated. Breathing, or pranayama, has been a core practice in yoga and meditation to relax the body and steady the mind for over 3,500 years.

Breathing positive emotions into the heart center steadies the heart rate, restoring the equilibrium of the body so that we can remain present and engaged. In evoking a memory or image of feeling loved and cherished, we evoke a sense of safe connection with others; the oxytocin immediately
reduces our stress.  That evocation also activates the prefrontal cortex, which triggers the hippo-campus to search for explicit memories of moments when we have been held, soothed, protected, encouraged, believed in, times when we have reached out for help and received comfort and support

Through safety and trust in connection, we come back into our baseline equilibrium. From there, with our higher, thinking brain calm and alert, we can mobilize quickly, act skillfully, and take care of business.

Based on the book Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being. Copyright © 2013 by Linda Graham. Reprinted with permission from New World Library. www.NewWorldLibrary.com.

*    *    *    *    *
Linda Graham, MFT, is a licensed psychotherapist and meditation teacher in full-time practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. She integrates her passion for neuroscience, mindfulness, and relational psychology through trainings, consultations, workshops, and conferences nationally. She publishes a monthly e-newsletter, Healing and Awakening into Aliveness and Wholeness, and weekly e-quotes on resources for recovering resilience, archived at www.lindagraham-mft.net.

Find Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being on Amazon!

Filed Under: Articles by Various Authors, Positive Thought, Problem Solving Tagged With: Book Reviews, how to bounce back, inspirational article, self help articles

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