Self Help Daily

Inspirational and Self Help Blog with a Save the World Complex...

You are here: Home / Archives for How to Be Happy

How to Be Happy

Relationships: Why It’s So Important to Choose Your Soul Mate

by 9 Comments

First of all, before getting to any sort of other thoughts or tangents, a happy belated Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful husband and all of the other dads out there.  I was busy cooking for my special guy all day yesterday (Grilled hot dogs and baked beans for lunch, Spinach Manicotti and Garlic Bread for supper and a mulit-layered cake from scratch with lemon fruit filling between the layers – frosted with my favorite fluffy frosting recipe… serious YUM!) for dessert.  Then I collapsed and watched a little golf with him.

For obvious reasons, I didn’t get by Self Help Daily to wish you guys a happy day yesterday – so here are your dues today… Happy Father’s Day!

A few of my daughters and I have been talking a lot about relationships lately.  So, I figured since my thoughts were already headed in that direction, I’d just run with it.  Whether you’re still looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right or you’ve found your soul mate, you know how very, very important it is to choose wisely.

Jackson Brown said it best, “Choose your life mate wisely because from that one decision will come 90% of your future happiness or misery.”  So. True.

Young people (and even not so young) often have the wrong priorities when looking for their life partner. If you base your relationship solely on money or solely on attraction, you’ll soon learn that if someone doesn’t have more than a full bank account or a beautiful face going for them, they’re of little worth – to you or themselves.

I wish I could sit down and talk with every girl, boy, woman, or man who’s looking for that special person.  I wish I could write down Jackson Brown’s outstanding quote and frame it for them.   Getting inside their head with this truth would do one of two things:

  1. Help them avoid making the biggest mistake of their life.
  2. Help them make the smartest decision of their life.

Forget money, forget strong shoulders, forget beautiful eyes, forget beautiful smiles, even forget a laugh that makes you laugh right along with them – even when you don’t get the joke.  You have to make certain that the person you commit yourself to spend your life with is your soul mate.  You have to be certain that this is the person that will bring you happiness, peace, and joy.

He or she has to be the person that will make any apartment, house, or trailer feel like Heaven on earth.

Make no mistake about it, you’ll have arguments.  If, that is, you’re both humans and not sheep.  You’ll have some doozies, mark it down!  You’ll yell, you’ll stomp around, and you’ll (at times) make a perfect fool of yourself.  These things happen when people love one another…. comes with the territory.  Keeps things interesting.

When I think of the words Soul Mate, I think of my husband – I guess it’d pretty much suck if I didn’t.  My husband, Michael, is my blue-eyed proof of Jackson Brown’s quote.  See, I think a soul mate should be someone who “jives” with you, someone who speaks your language even when you aren’t speaking.  He/she should “get” you and respect you even when they may not see eye to eye with you.

A soul mate should be ready to stand beside you, even when you’re wrong – and dare anyone to say the words out loud.

Here’s one of the things I adore most about my husband:  He lets me be me.  He doesn’t try to change me or make me feel bad for my quirks (I have a collection of them, but that’s another article.).  You may have guessed by now – but I’m the poster child for animal lovers.  If I could, I would surround myself with about 20 of every kind of animal known to exist.

I’ve always been this way.  When we first met, Michael didn’t have any pets whatsoever.  I quickly took care of that.

Over the years, I’ve subjected this man to countless cats, dogs, and birds. Strays are drawn to me like bees to honey.  Whenever a new dog or cat has ever come into our yard, the process never deviates:

  1. I rush out to welcome (and name) the new family member.
  2. Michael quietly heads off to the store for dog food or more cat food.

He isn’t what you’d necessarily call a “dog person” but not long ago two beautiful, frisky, adorable black dogs came into our yard.  He  went for food.

When my mom passed away, we took in her adorable dog Wednesday.  Michael and Wednesday became the best of buddies and took walks each night.  I’m not sure which one of them looked forward to them more, but I suspect that he was the one with just two legs.

The thing is, if you want to have a happy life – one filled with laughter, smiles, peace, and love – choose the individual you’ll spend your life with more carefully than you’ve ever chosen anything.

  • Choose the person who makes you smile even when you’re down.  Stay away from the person who brings you down even when you’re smiling.
  • Choose the person who makes you feel good about yourself.  Stay away from the person who makes you feel bad about yourself – as though you don’t quite measure up.
  • Choose the person who fits in well with your family.  Avoid the person who ridicules your family, causes tension, or tries to start trouble.  So not worth it.
  • Choose the person who makes life fun! Avoid the person who seems to be allergic to fun and laughter.
  • Choose the person who has similar interests to your own.  Sure, you need to have individual interests as well (I’ll never be a golfer any sooner than my husband will be a baker), but you should have plenty of things in common.  If you don’t, you’ll never have anything to talk about!
  • Choose the person who respects you, your opinions, your beliefs, and what you stand for.  Avoid the person who’s looking for a clone of themselves. Give them a mirror and send them on their way.

If you, like me, have already found your soul mate, you might want to pause for a while and just think about how lucky you are.  It’s a pretty rare thing, you know.

“Choose your life mate wisely because from that one decision will come 90% of your future happiness or misery.”  – Jackson Brown

What We Can Learn From The Biggest Loser’s Ashley

by 2 Comments

Keep Smiling

 

As you know, I’m a self-confessed addict of The Biggest Loser.  I never make it through an episode without crying, laughing out loud, and feasting on high levels of inspiration and motivation.  And that’s all before the first commercial break.  This show is in a league of its own. It’s one of the few truly important shows on television and one of few that I’d totally recommend to anyone and everyone.  It can change your life.

This has been one of the best seasons of The Biggest Loser yet.  There hasn’t been one single contestant that I wanted to drop kick to Kansas (Remember Tracy?). In fact, each elimination has kind of smarted and a few brought tears.  Any of these remaining 4 could be – and should be – the winner.

I’ve got nothing but love for the entire group, but there’s one particular contestant that I fell hard for:  Ashley.  What a doll! As the mother of three girls, I’m always a bit partial to young girls.  When they’re on the show, I pull for them with the same passion I shop for coffee with. There’s something extra special about this girl, though, and it’s all in her beautiful personality. She and her gorgeous smile have lit up this entire season and I guess I always knew that there’d be a future “Ashley post.”

Understandably, these contestants are going through huge, emotional changes.  They’ve been uprooted and forced to face – head on – past mistakes and unhealthy lifestyles.  We cry as they cry, we curse fatty, fried foods with them, and we feel their pain when they see the original number on the scale.

They struggle with challenges – especially early on.  Again, understandably. They get frustrated and some lash out while others cry. Some, like Daris  just summon up fresh, newly-found courage and charge right through it.  My girl, Ashley, fell countless times early on.  How she kept from really hurting herself is beyond me.

But she kept getting back up.  And what’s truly remarkable – none of it ever took her personality away and it never wiped the smile off of her beautiful face.  She seemed to always be extremely thankful for being on the show and always ready to give it her all.

In the last episode, the contestants were watching early clips of themselves.  Like most past contestants, the  rest of these contestants cried at the sight of their former selves.  Ashley smiled.  That struck a chord with me.  She didn’t seem to detest the old Ashley – she knew that she was still a beautiful, vivacious, fun, spirited, and lovely girl.   In a clip that was about to show one of her epic falls, Ashley laughed and said something like, “Here it comes!”

She’s having fun with life and that’s probably the number one trait I’m drawn to in people.

I realize that it’s risky to write an article or tribute like this when the season isn’t quite through – I mean my girl could go all swamp girl psycho in the next episode. Hopefully she won’t go to the dark side.. there are far too many people there already.

Personally, I think she’ll finish as beautifully as she started.

We can learn something from Ashley’s attitude and upbeat personality.  Our situation shouldn’t dictate our personality or our happiness.  We should be who we are regardless of what’s happening to us or around us.  You can tell Ashley would be a fun person to be around.  She wouldn’t mope around, complain, or wallow in misery or self-pity.  Since she is human, I’m sure she’d have her moments – but I’m also sure she’d have the humor and spirit to overcome them in record time.

At the first of the season, Ashley seemed like a complete underdog.  There was something about her, though, that told me she’d be around for a while.  There was a certain determination and focus in her eyes – plus, whenever she fell she didn’t yell at Jillian or snap at Bob.  She didn’t  whine.

She just got up.

At one point she was talking to the camera (how odd must that feel?) about how she knew she was considered the underdog.  Her smile and her words made her an all-time favorite of mine.  She said, “I’m going to sneak up like a ninja on their a$$es.”

And she did.

She did a couple of other things too:

  • She reminds us all that life is beautiful and is worthy of embracing whether we feel like we’re on top of the world or not.  No matter what we think we have that is so hideous, there are always others who have it far worse.
  • With her beautiful face, stylish clothes, and perfect hair, Ashley proves that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
  • Her sense of humor and upbeat personality show that if a girl can smile  while climbing such a huge mountain (with falls along the way!), there’s no excuse for the rest of us.
  • Ashley seemed, to me, to be almost like a tonic to her friends.  When she was around Mike and Daris, they seemed happier.  We should all have that effect on people around us.  They should leave our presence happier than they were when they first entered it.  Are you a tonic or a wet blanket?
  • What others think of us or expect from us isn’t what counts. The only thing that matters is what WE think of us and expect from us.

Who, or what, would you like to sneak up on like a Ninja?  Whatever it is…. disarm it with your smile, jump back up when you fall, and believe in yourself.

Book Review: Better Because of You

by 4 Comments

I mentioned, in my last post, an inspirational little book I just finished, Better Because of You by Ginny Hutchinson and Kathy Haffner.  I am absolutely in love with this book and I hope you’ll soon have the opportunity to fall head over heels in love with it as well.

This book is perfect for you if you….

  • Love inspirational books and writings.
  • Love books that read very fast, leaving you more time for other things.
  • Are looking for more peace and zen in your life.
  • Are looking for more joy and happiness.
  • Would like to have your life touched and enriched.
  • Would welcome a ray of sunshine into your world.
  • Are into books that you’ll read again and again and again…

Okay, I could have said this book is perfect for anyone and everyone, but I had a few bullet points lying around and wanted to use them.

This colorful, wonderful-natured, and fun little book is just a little over 100 pages.  It’s not the sort of book that you get half-way through, put on the shelf and then have to force yourself to continue.  Truth be told, it’ll never make it to the shelf.  This is the sort of book you like to keep near you, just in case you need a uplifting quote, an inspirational shot in the arm, a soothing pat on the back, or a motivational kick in the behind.  Believe me, you’ll find just what you need when you need it inside Better Because of You.

I highly recommend this delightful book.  Its positive outlook is contagious and it will give you a lift just when you need one the most.  The gist of the book is to show the reader small, simple things they can do each day to make a big difference in their life… as well as in the lives of others.

The authors give many original insights into life and its many facets.  They share useful tips to help the reader get more joy from life while derailing stress that would like to rob them of this joy.  One of my favorite suggestions is below:

Create a Visualization Board.

Buy a blank poster board.  Think about your life one to two years from now.  Cut out and paste up pictures from magazines or download images from the Internet that represent your dreams, key relationships, a dream home, education, charities to support, vacation destinations, or hobbies that interest you. – Page 30, Better Because of You

I love the thought of having a Visualization board.  My oldest daughter recently put one together on a computer program (Paint), using pictures she rounded up online.  What can I say, my offspring is as environmentally-conscious as I am.

The book is filled with great tips and advice.  Along with each tip, the authors include personal examples of individuals who have experienced the fruits of the tip.  As you’d expect, these have as much of an impact on the reader as the tips do.

The book also includes over 40 pages of inspirational and motivational quotes.  They’re grouped by subject, so you’ll always be able to find just the inspiration you need, in just area you need it.  Sort of like making sure you get the right shot in the right arm.   There’s even a great (equally inspiring) website you can visit and take part in, http://www.betterbecause.com/.

Book Description:
This book shows you how to make life just a little bit better in all 7 facets of your life.

Read true-to-life, inspirational stories that can help you do small things each day to make a big difference in these 7 areas:

– Health
– Wealth
– Wisdom
– Work
– Play
– Others
– Service

Authors Ginny and Cathy are successful Fortune 100 executives who wanted to make a positive difference in the world.

Simply revealed are their 3 core beliefs based on the valuable (and humorous) lessons they learned in the corporate world, decades of marriage and raising children.

This book is essential reading for anyone looking for simple insights on leading a happier life. This book shows you how you, as one individual, can be an irresistible force for positive change.

A portion of proceeds support Room to Read, a non-profit leader educating children in developing countries.

Look Up!

Take time to be present and relish the ordinary moments of your life.  Be aware of your current place, not the past or future.  This means, look up from your cell phone, laptop, or TV.  See what’s going on around you. – Page 16, Better Because of You

I actually read the quote above during a lunch break last week while  serving on jury duty.   All of the jurors had spread out and gone to different restaurants but (you know me), I rushed across the street to a coffee house. I was sitting near a window thinking about this website that hadn’t been updated, that blog that needed a post, the laundry pile that could frighten small children, my cats who would surely sulk for a month, supper that wouldn’t make itself, and so on.  After getting my Steak and Cheese Panini, iced tea, and coffee (yes, two sources of caffeine, don’t judge me) – I sat down and pulled the little book from my purse and began to pick up reading where I’d left off.  The quote above is the first thing I read.

I realized that I was very guilty of not relishing the moment I was in at the time – something that I normally excel in.  I’m simply not the person who can be found living in the future or the past – for better or worse, I’m forever in the moment, trying to make it count double.  However, a chaotic couple of weeks was beginning to turn me into a bundle of nerves – and a bundle of  nerves doesn’t do anyone any good.

I literally took a deep breath, put the book back in my purse, and enjoyed my sandwich and tea. Then I sat and slowly drank my (outstanding) coffee without thinking about anything except my surroundings, my blessings, and this wonderful ride we call life.   The next time you find yourself coming unwound or unraveled, take a deep breath.  Then take in your surroundings and the beauty that’s outside your window.  Within this pause you’ll find clarity, peace, and relaxation.  As they say, “Look Up!”

The adorable logos above are available on BetterBecause.com – I obviously chose my own mantras, but there are plenty to choose from. You can have the logos printed on a number of products, including coffee mugs and tumblers.   How cute are they?

Order Better Because of You on Amazon today.

Ann Nixon Cooper’s Secret to Longevity

by 1 Comment

Ann Nixon Cooper

This beautiful face belongs to Ann Nixon Cooper She is better known, I suppose, as the Oldest American Voter. The southern lady hails from Atlanta, Georgia, and is currently the one person I’d most want to sit down and talk with.

Not just because of the history that she has lived through and not just because of her longevity.  Sure, I’d love to hear her first-hand accounts of the different Presidential terms she’s seen, the wars, the moments that shaped our nation and our world.  And I would hang on her every word when she spoke of her favorite foods and drinks.  Obviously the lady is onto something the experts only think they know.

After all, she’s outliving all of them!

The main reason I’d love to sit down and visit with her is her smile and her attitude.  She exudes the warmth, strength, charm, and loveliness that you’d expect from a southern lady.

When asked about the secret to her longevity, Ann Nixon Cooper gave us our quote of the day:  “Being Cheerful had a lot to do with it  I’ve always been a happy person, a giggling person – a wide-mouthed person!”

Oh, I love her all right.

Photo Credit: The History Makers

How Relaxing Music Can Help Your Health as Much as Your Mood

by Leave a Comment

Quote About Tranquility
I don’t have to tell you the benefits of relaxation – you’re too smart and they’re too obvious. If you’re like most people, though, you do need a reminder every now and again.

I just read on Everyday Health that listening to Mozart and/or Relaxation CDs at least 3 times a week could lower your blood pressure.

“In a study of 41 seniors living in retirement communities, researchers found that regularly listening to relaxation tapes reduced average systolic (the top number) blood pressure readings by 9 mm/Hg, while those who regularly listened to Mozart saw a 7 mm/Hg reduction in their blood pressure.” – HealthDay News, Everyday Health.com

When my daughter Brittany was 4 years old she was sick – and when Brittany’s sick, she’s completely sick. My dad, the typical doting grandfather came to visit and lovingly sat beside her on the couch. He asked, “How do you feel, baby doll?,” and she said, “A little bit good but a whole, whole bunch bad.”

That’s how it feels when we’re stressed out and anxious: A little bit good but a whole, whole bunch bad.

Relaxation feels like a tonic to a stressed out system. Not only does it make us feel better, relaxation strengthens our immune system, increases creativity, and stimulates our healing abilities. Relationship-wise, a relaxed person is much more pleasant to be around than a stressed out bundle of nerves.

Relaxation CDs and Classical Music are a couple of sure bets when it comes to unwinding. Everyone has his or her own favorite ways to unwind, but music is a universal favorite. Another one of my favorite ways is to grab my nearest cat and (depending upon the one grabbed) take part in one of the following escapes: Lie in the floor playing with her cat toys (Alexa), Rub and talk to her (Prissy, who turned 20 this month and lost her sight this year), sit and hold him like a baby (Bo), or listen to him sing while scratching his head (Svenn, and he really does sing well).

A word of caution about listening to relaxation or classical music cds: Be sure that you’re in a position where sleep would be a welcomed result and not a hazardous one. I was listening to a Relaxation tape once that featured sounds of a thunderstorm. Zzzzzzz. Fortunately I was at my computer desk and not in my car.

Finally, as Everyday Health points out, listening to relaxation cds and classical music is in NO WAY a replacement for blood pressure medications. It’s simply another way to help lower blood pressure.

And another avenue to feeling a whole, whole bunch good.

~ Joi