Make a Difference

Back to School: Making Masks Easier for Children

August 5, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

First of all, rest assured, this is not a preachy post and I have ZERO intention of telling anyone how to live their life in any fashion. I also will not EVER take something like a virus and life and death situations and politicize them.

I like to think I’m a better person…. and smarter!… than that.

I’m also not here to say with absolute certainty that this way or that way is the perfect way. From my vantage point, when it comes to getting out of this horrific pandemic and to outrunning the COVID virus nationally and internationally, there is no ONE right way. There are only attempts – multiple attempts – to keep as many people safe and well as possible.

There are only attempts to keep from overwhelming out hospitals and hard-working, dedicated medical professionals.

There are only attempts to keep the precious children in our lives from being traumatized or negatively affected any more than they already have been WHILE keeping them as safe and as healthy as possible. Like immunization shots for a 1 year old, keeping children safe isn’t always pretty to behold. Sometimes it gets downright sad and you just want to jump in there and save them from any discomfort or pain.

Thing is, the very temporary thing we want to save them from is often the thing that will save them from a far worse fate.

Again, I’m not here to debate anything… masks included. Do I have my own opinions? Of course. And I will go ahead and say that I, personally, believe masks are effective. I’ve believed it all along (after all we’re talking about a respiratory virus, after all) but my beliefs were confirmed when (after the masks were lifted and removed) numbers went through the roof again.

For those who say that social distancing would be as effective – I agree, social distancing would be as effective. However, we can’t always determine how close someone gets to us in public and we darn sure can’t assume kids will adhere to distancing themselves from anyone.

Those little cuties want to get right up on everyone!

I know it can be debated, too, that children don’t get “as sick” as adults but, frankly, I raised three daughters and cannot remember ever thinking… “Oh, shucks, I’m going to let them play with those kids who have the flu… after all, my girls won’t get that sick.” I have three grandbabies now and cannot for the life of me imagine be willing to expose them to a virus simply because they MAY NOT get “as sick” as adults.

Sometimes the solution to a problem isn’t very attractive, but if you compare it to the alternative, it gets a little bit more agreeable.

Again, there is no one clear RIGHT answer to any of this. Chances are when your child (grandchild, niece, nephew, brother, sister…) starts the school year here in a matter of days, he or she will be required to wear a mask.

Below are a few tips that can help them… because, let’s be adults, here… they are absolutely the ones we should be thinking about:

Try to never EVER talk in an angry manner (and, for Heaven’s sakes, don’t cry!) about masks or mask mandates in front of your child. Children (of all ages) are incredibly, incredibly sensitive and will pick up on your emotions. What they pick up on will greatly effect their own emotions and outlook. Regardless of your personal feelings (and, trust me, I understand completely – the thought of children, especially small ones, having to wear masks all day breaks my heart)… be as strong as you’ve ever been in your life and treat it all as an adventure, something that, while temporary, has to be done. The children in our lives very often reflect us and if you’re stressed, angry, and overwhelmed, they will be as well. That’s the last thing they need to deal with on top of the stress of a new school year… which is, of course, on top of the pandemic!
When you talk about masks, try very hard to be as matter of fact as possible. The bigger an issue you make of it, the bigger an issue it will be to them.
Keep in mind how incredibly resilient and adaptable children are. They always amaze me at how they adjust and adapt – they do so far better than those of us who consider ourselves adults!
If your child has a health issue that would prohibit them from wearing a mask for extended periods of time, talk to your child’s physician and educators to find the best solution. I have (and have always had) chronic asthma and would not (today or as a child) be able to wear a mask for extended periods of time. I have no idea what could be done to help a child with asthma, but something would desperately need to be done. What seems like “no big deal,” to an asthmatic is a big deal. Yes, you can still breath through the mask, but… and remember, I know what I’m talking about, here, first hand… when you have asthma, even the slightest reduction in oxygen flow seems like you’re breathing through a collapsed straw. Children with anxiety would also need to have special considerations. Please talk to doctors and educators about the best thing for your child. If they are unwilling to help you, you will have a big decision to make – one I know that will put your child’s needs first.
As an asthmatic, I’ve found that disposable masks often feel less restrictive. My youngest daughter has clinical anxiety and has also found that disposable ones feel better to her. You just have to make sure you have a really, really good number of these masks and be sure to throw them away each day. It’s very unhealthy to wear one more than one day at a time. Amazon has wonderful Disposable Kids Masks in a wide variety of colors. Kids would get a kick out of matching them to their different outfits.
Children who are a little hard of hearing and tend to read lips also will need special consideration. If this is an issue for your child, be sure to talk to his/her teachers and ask for their help. Given that teachers have so many children to take care of, it may be something you need to mention several times over the weeks or months that masks will be in use. You could always simply say, “Thanks again so much for helping my child with this situation…”
Show your child photos of children wearing masks and being happy – SHOW them that it’s all going to be okay. They need this from you right now more than anything. BE the positive energy they need to feed on.
Finally, let your child pick out masks they like. Not only do stores have a wide selection of children’s masks, Amazon has MANY in different colors and styles. There are masks for every interest. Children love to express themselves, whether they’re in 1st grade or high school and masks allow them to do just that. Be sure to get them a good number of masks, so that one is always washed, dried, and ready to go. Some of the coolest, most FUN children’s face masks can be found here. Again, kids will get a kick out of matching masks to their outfits and favorite sports teams.

Whether it’s mask mandates, vaccine controversies, closed restaurants, quarantine, or any of the other things that have become part of our daily routines, remember this – we WILL get through this. There will be better days…. normal days… and we will never take a single one of them for granted! Everything is going to be better one day, and I believe that one day will be very soon. In the meantime, try to keep the best attitude and outlook you can.

Keep your sense of humor as much as humanly possible and don’t let any of the stress make you turn into someone that would have horrified you two years ago. Becoming a bitter, angry, and judgmental person does NOT have to be anyone’s destiny, no matter how ugly the valley is.

I know much too smart to let that happen!

Remember we are all in this together – none of us are the enemy… the virus is the enemy and it will take all of us to kick it’s vile butt to the curb!

Make each moment count double,

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives

June 21, 2021 by Joi 5 Comments

I’m about halfway through a wonderful book, How to Think Like a Millionaire (I hope to have the review up soon!). It’s one of those books where you find yourself, not only taking notes, but closing the book every now and again just to let everything soak in. After this morning’s reading, I was basically a sponge.

I just finished a section on Positive Feedback vs Negative Feedback and the impact they have upon our subconscious mind and the absolute power our subconscious mind has over our lives. Everything rises and falls according to the strength of our subconscious mind, so keeping positive and life-affirming thoughts therein could make ALL the difference.

The Live-Changing Power of Positive Feedback

When I got up from reading to make my husband breakfast, I was still thinking about what I had read. I realized how, in my own life, positive feedback had a huge impact on me. My mom and dad were forever telling me what a “good” child I was, how they never had to worry about me getting into trouble, and so on. That early reinforcement, I’m sure, had a great deal to do with the fact that I never DID get into any trouble. When I was in my 30’s, a few months before I lost my father – my dad told one of his nurses that the only trouble I ever gave him or my mom was one solitary speeding ticket.

I told him at the time that it was because I was perfect – but I’m absolutely sure that’s not completely honest!

I believe that the same scenario plays out for kids who are constantly told that they’re “bad,” “difficult,” or “spoiled.” They live down to those words the way the lucky kids live up to the ones they hear.

As I kept thinking, I realized another area where positive feedback affected me greatly. I believe that one of the reasons I ever fancied myself a writer had to do with things my aunt told me years and years ago. Penny (my mom’s sister and an aunt I’ve always been VERY close to) and her husband (Bobby – LOVE him too!) had to move to another state when I was really young. It was really hard on all of us, but Bobby had an amazing offer in Ohio that he would have been a fool to say no to. He’s the master of corny jokes, but a fool he’s not.

When they left, I missed them terribly, so we started writing a lot of letters to one another – oh, to have had e-mail and social media back then! When they came home for Christmas, she went on and on about how much my letters meant to her and Bobby. She said she always looked forward to them and saved each one. When she said they “made her smile” because they were like visiting with me, I began to associate true, beautiful power with words.

Many years later, when I got married and we had to move to Kansas, I had a lot more letters to write. I still wrote to Penny, but I also wrote to my parents and my grandmother. Each one of them always told me how much they loved reading my letters, how they kept them and often re-read them. My grandmother even told me how she read them to her friends, and that they enjoyed my “way with words.”

Positive Feedback, friends.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that all of my loved ones were right and I’ve had a fascination with words and writing since.

When I handed my smiling husband his breakfast, I thought of yet another area of positive feedback touching my life. Early in my marriage, I fell head over heels in love with cooking. I started collecting cookbooks and even began coming up with my own recipes. He’d often have his single friends over to our house for supper. I often overheard him talking about my “wonderful” cooking and it made me believe I was the greatest cook in the world. The fact that he and our daughters are always so complimentary about my meals, desserts, bread, etc. only makes me love cooking more and more.

I am very, very blessed that the people I love most in this world have always made me feel like I could do anything. It makes me very sad to think there are others out there who don’t have this positive feedback in their life.

A Lack of Positive Feedback

I wonder if one of the main reasons people become discouraged and give up is because they don’t get enough positive feedback. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the couple who has been together for several years. She begins to feel he doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the words. The positive feedback, early in the relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong.

The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often give up because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever good enough.

The Pitfalls of Negative Feedback

The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the comments say they are. Many even tune the negativity out to a certain degree, after all, who wants to constantly hear how worthless, stupid, wrong, irresponsible, or bad they are?!?! But it goes much deeper than them tuning it out. They begin to believe it. When someone believes the worst about themselves, they stop even trying.

However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. After they’ve gotten enough positive feedback, they begin to give themselves MORE of the same feedback, then… look out!

The Most Important Feedback of All

As important as the feedback we get from others is, it’s not the most vital feedback. That feedback is the one we feed ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, usually inside our own minds, determine how successful we will or will not be. We are, basically, what we think we are.

The words below are just some of the words we use to cripple ourselves:

I’m too old
I’m too fat
I’m not smart enough
I never catch any breaks
I don’t have enough money
Nobody loves me
I’m lonely
I can’t do anything
I’m so depressed
I am so sick and tired of…
My live sucks!

When we feed ourselves words like this, we’re feeding ourselves a type of poison. Anyone who feeds these words to another person (especially someone they supposedly love) should be even more ashamed.

Start thinking more about the feedback you give to others and to yourself. The words you say to and about the people around you makes them better or makes them worse. If you beat them down, that’s where they’ll stay. If you build them up, that’s the direction in which they’ll grow.

Now let’s change the pronouns a little: If you beat yourself down, that’s where you’ll stay. If you build yourself up, that’s the direction in which you’ll grow. How far can you and I grow? As far as we want to!

How to Think Like a Millionaire

The book below, How to Think Like a Millionaire is a must-read as far as I’m concerned. It’s all about altering your mindset – the millionaire part has absolutely nothing to do with it. What matters is believing that you deserved the best from life… because you absolutely do.

Helping Others: It’s Always the Right Time to Reach Out…

June 12, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

It’s Always the Right Time to Reach Out and Help Others

While many things are returning to normal in many parts of the world, none of us are completely back to normal. In fact, for a lot of people, normal may look, sound, smell, and certainly feel different for quite a while.

Maybe forever.

Before you let that make you frown, realize that not all change is bad. In fact, some change can be a very good, positive thing.

What if we all come out of this pandemic more willing to reach out and help others than we have ever been willing before? What if the consideration and concern for our neighbors (very near and very far) that we’ve experienced and displayed lasts… well… forever?

I for one certainly hope so!

I have a great deal of correspondence with others through my e-mail and social media. I have noticed over the past year more of us are apt to sign off with things such as…

Stay Safe!
Be Well!
Best Wishes to You and Your Family!
Etc..

I also notice many greetings begin with..

I hope you’re well…
I hope you’re safe…
I hope you and your loved ones are well…

It didn’t used to be like this.

When I’m in stores and restaurants (still riding an emotional high that my favorite Mexican restaurant weathered this storm and is open for business!), I see people smiling at one another these days – the warm smiles aren’t just reserved for babies anymore! People seem to genuinely care for others post-pandemic than they did pre-pandemic and that’s something I very, very, VERY much sticks around.

Many people are struggling today – more, perhaps, than ever before. The pandemic introduced a lot of unpleasantness into our lives. Some unpleasantness we could SEE – lockdowns, less family visits, less income, arguments with family members who view the virus differently than we do, and a total upheaval in our daily lives. Other unpleasantnesses couldn’t be seen, but my goodness are they ever felt.

the anxiety that comes with coming face to face with your own vulnerability
stress from seeing, daily, others sick and suffering
being more aware of death than ever before… I mean, we were given daily numbers!
arguments within families due to more stress
broken relationships because of other’s views on the virus, masks, and vaccines

Make no mistake about it, this pandemic left its vile fingerprints on all of our lives.

It’s worth remembering that you don’t have to always be strong. You can cry when you darn well feel like crying! It’s okay to feel scared and I’m giving you permission to feel angry about the whole thing. Feel the emotions you want to feel and make no attempt to tell others how to deal with their feelings. We all cope differently and we all heal differently.

Finally, I’d love to encourage everyone to reach out and help others in any way possible. If you know someone who seems to have the weight of the world on their shoulders, either ask them what you can do to make the load lighter or (perhaps even better) step up and do something for them that helps lighten their load.

Ideas include mowing their lawn, giving them a gift card to their favorite restaurant (this way you help them and the restaurant), offering to watch their child/children while they treat themselves to a day out. Simply showing up to their house with a Starbucks drink for you and a Starbucks drink for them and sitting to talk with them for an hour may be just the tonic they (and you!) need.

Many are dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, and other emotional and mental strains right now. If you can be a blessing to someone, please don’t hesitate to do so. You may give them exactly what they needed to hang in there and keep fighting.

As a bonus, helping others makes you feel so good!

Stay strong, stay well, and stay safe. I truly care about each and every one of you. ~ Joi (“Joy”)

Most Dangerous Apps for Kids: How to Protect Children Online

December 14, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

Those of us with children in our lives have extra special concerns and fears we face on a day to day basis – keeping the children we love and cherish as safe as possible. The fact that so many children (unfortunately!) spend so much time online just adds to our worries.

The online world offers so many threats and risks for children – whether they’re 8 years old or 18. Most parents and grandparents don’t even realize all the unsavory (and downright dangerous) things that are out there and one of the reasons is that we, as adults, tend to frequent our favorite websites and apps and don’t diligently watch out for ones that could be luring (and harming) our kids.

Whether it’s horrifying images, predators, or scams – countless people are just waiting to take advantage of kids.

A few tips:

Be certain your child is old enough to be trusted with an iPhone, iPad, or unsupervised internet time.
Monitor the amount of time your child spends online. This is becoming a colossal problem in our society and one that isn’t just going to go away.
Obviously, you love your child and trust them. Somehow we just inherently trust our children – however, always be on guard. A lie (to a child, even as old as 18) is nothing more than a means of avoiding trouble – they don’t associate it with being disrespectful and they certainly don’t realize the dangers that are posed to them. They assume we (the adults) are being overprotective and unreasonable. Just don’t drop your guard.
Do your research! Stay on top of current dangers and experiences other parents and grandparents have had.
The guide Parent Alert: How to Keep Your Kids Safe Online is a wonderful resource.
Keep one thing in mind – it is always better to come across as overprotective and risk “annoying” your child than for any harm to come to them.

Below is an infographic from SwiftTechBuy.com which lists the most dangerous apps for kids. I hope you’ll share it with everyone you know who has children in their lives. At the bottom of the inofgraphic is a list of “source.” The websites listed in the sources would be great places for you to use to stay informed.

Click the infographic for a larger version!

Infographic Courtesy of SwiftTechBuy.com

Altruism – What is it and How do you Practice it?

December 4, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

by Matt Gregory

Altruism – What is it and How do you Practice it?

There are very few actual altruistic acts in the world. Even those that may appear to be altruistic often come with an underlying benefit to the person or party performing such an act.

Altruism is an act of kindness that benefits only those on the receiving end, in no way benefiting the giving party in any way shape or form. That means no financial rewards, no expectation of reciprocation and not publicising the act themselves as this can be seen as boasting in order to improve their own reputation and how they are perceived by others.

When an Altruistic Act May not be as it Seems

Before we continue, let us be clear – simply because an act is not 100% altruistic does not mean that it is not thoughtful and is not an act of good. People can perform an act for good that benefits either a single person, or a wider group, and themselves benefit in some way shape or form.

The best example of when an apparent altruistic act isn’t altruistic at all is when either a celebrity or business perform an act of charity as part of a PR campaign. While they are, in fact, helping others and, in twine, raising awareness for an issue, there is a separate goal that caters to that celebrity of business’ perception in the public domain. They are wanting to be seen to be doing good in the community – this is not true altruism, although it is still a thoughtful act of kindness.

What is an Altruistic Act?

If an act is truly altruistic, you probably wouldn’t have heard about it unless those on the receiving end have broadcast it. An act of true kindness if performed with the sole intention of benefiting someone else without being broadcast and/or utilised in any way to benefit the giving party is altruistic.

Charity is often the central point for an altruistic act, with donors giving money – either on a one-off or regular basis – for a cause close to their heart. In Islam, such a donation is known as Sadaqah – where Muslims perform the act of giving or helping for good. You can find more information here on this religious practice.

Are There Enough Truly Altruistic Acts Performed Today?

Because of the point already raised earlier on in this article, it is hard to know how altruistic modern society truly is because you likely won’t hear about an act of altruism. With that being said, millions of people around the world continue to live in poverty, unable to provide for their families, children being sent to work instead of gaining an education and homeless sleeping rough on the streets.

On that basis, you would have to say that not enough acts are being performed as there are more than enough resources to ensure that not a single person has to starve, sleep rough or be denied access to education. While many are undoubtedly performed every day, there is certainly room for more…there always is.

How to Perform an Act of Altruism

You can perform an act of altruism by simply helping someone sleeping rough on the street by giving them a sandwich, something to drink, a blanket or a change of clothes without the need for posting about it across your social media profiles. There are also thousands of charities that would be highly grateful to receive whatever you can afford to give.

Equally, an act of altruism doesn’t have to benefit a stranger as you can also do something for a friend and/or relative that may be struggling. Simply taking the time to have a conversation with someone when no one else is there can be considered an act of altruism.

Back to School: Making Masks Easier for Children

Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives