Articles by Various Authors

How to Approach the Decision on Whether or Not to Have Children

February 23, 2022 by Joi Leave a Comment

The decision to have kids is a big milestone for any couple. It’s a serious discussion, which can alter the course of a relationship.

Nowadays, many people choose to wait until later in life or not have children at all. When you look at recent birth rate data, the number of birth certificates generated declined from 2019 into 2020. Additionally, the birth rate for women under 25 decreased, while the rate increased for women aged 30-35.

There are several possible reasons behind the birth rate data, and a big one would have to be feelings of intimidation. Becoming a parent is tough, and there are tons of unknowns.

In this post, we’ll go over how you can approach the decision on whether or not to have children. We’ll dive into some of the reasons why would-be parents find parenting intimidating and some of the benefits becoming a parent has to offer.

Why becoming a parent can be intimidating

Parenting can be scary. There are tons of unknowns, concerns, and plenty of risks.

A big primary concern of those who feel intimidated by becoming a parent is they feel they are not ready to raise a child. They feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and fear having a child will turn their lives upside down.

The financial factor of raising a child is another legitimate concern. In the U.S., it’s estimated raising a child until the age of 18 was around $270,000. That’s not including college tuition or any other expenses. This estimate can dramatically increase if you have more than one child.

Another concern is whether someone will have enough time in their schedule for a child. Raising a child is much different compared to something like raising a pet. Children require your full attention, and you are responsible for your child at all times. Your child will take up most of your time, and you probably won’t have much downtime.

Finally, those who feel intimidated by the decision to have children often fear they will not be good parents. It’s a huge responsibility to oversee raising another human life, and many feel they won’t be able to do the job well.

Benefits of having children

It’s easy for people to be overwhelmed by the idea of becoming a parent, but it’s important not to let fear lead you. You need to take the time to focus on the positives.

There are many benefits of parenthood. For example, the idea that you created another human being is pretty powerful. You will be giving a child the gift of life and leading them through their life.

Another benefit is many people find parenthood to be an incredibly rewarding experience. It can change your entire perspective on the world, and you will go through various experiences that bring you closer together with your child. You’ll feel a sense of satisfaction when your child succeeds in life, such as when they take their first steps, learn how to ride a bike, or go to their first day of school.

Additionally, having children is an opportunity to pass on your knowledge as well as learn a new thing or two. You will probably learn as many new things from your child as they will from you.

Finally, you will get to experience a new stage of life. You get to enjoy watching something you created grow into its own human being. You’ll be able to see your child experience situations you may have encountered when you were younger and be able to help them out from your past experiences.

Final thoughts

When it comes to making the decision on whether or not to have kids, you should strongly consider some of the risks and positives mentioned in this article. They can help you make the final decision.

It’s important to note the decision on whether or not to have children shouldn’t be driven by fear. You also shouldn’t feel inclined to become a parent because society makes it seem like you need to do so.

Becoming a parent is something that needs to come from your heart. If you genuinely don’t feel you want kids from the bottom of your heart, you probably shouldn’t have them. However, if the thought of having a child sounds exciting, you should pursue it.

How to Develop a Body Neutral Mindset

February 20, 2022 by Joi Leave a Comment

Have you ever considered that the way you see your body can affect the way you view the world? When we see ourselves in a negative light, that often translates to how we view our opportunities, social life, and more. If you find yourself having negative thoughts about yourself, you’re not alone. In fact, roughly one-third of people feel anxious or depressed about their bodies.

Learning to develop a body-neutral mindset can improve the way you see yourself and the world around you. However, it’s important to keep in mind that viewing yourself in a negative way probably took years to master, so it won’t be easy letting go of the habit. To keep yourself motivated, consider setting goals with a friend or adopting a pet to help boost your mood when you get discouraged.

Body Neutrality: What is it?

Body neutrality is the act of viewing your body based on the ways it serves you, rather than the way it looks. With a body neutral mindset, instead of looking at your arms and saying “I love my arms, despite the fact that they aren’t as toned as they used to be,” you can look at yourself and think, “I love my arms because they help me cook, and cooking is my favorite thing to do.”

How to Develop Body Neutral Views

Overcoming negative feelings toward your body can take time and a lot of effort. Because of this, be careful not to criticize yourself for not doing so perfectly. There will be times you fall back into old habits, but it’s the choices you make after messing up that make the biggest difference.

1. Listen to Your Body’s Needs

Whether you’re one of the 57% of Medicare beneficiaries who suffers from high blood pressure or you’re out running marathons every weekend, listening to your body can help you develop greater compassion for what it can do. It can be tempting to feel the urge to work out in order to work off the calories you just ate, but if your body doesn’t feel well, you shouldn’t push yourself to do so.

Instead, practice listening to your body’s needs. When you feel the urge to get up and move, do so. When your body is craving a certain food, satisfy that desire without thinking about how the food will impact your weight.

2. Avoid Body Talk

Talking about your body (or anyone else’s) will only drive you to think about its physical appearance or inability to function in a way someone else’s can. To really establish a body neutral mindset, avoid participating in conversations focused only on the element of physical appearance.

3. Repeat Body-Neutral Affirmations

Repeating affirmations can help develop muscle memory in the brain that can be exercised when faced with a tough decision (like running another mile even if your body says it’s done for the day).

Print out the affirmation cards linked to below and hang them on your bathroom mirror so you see them often!

Printable Affirmation Cards

Developing a strong body-neutral mindset takes time and patience, but it’s not impossible. Taking the time and putting forth the effort to change the way you view yourself can help you stop being so hard on yourself and start living your life for yourself, rather than for what other people expect of you or your physical appearance.

Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

January 14, 2022 by Joi Leave a Comment

by Sara Kaminski

Lots of people live with a merciless critic in their head who blames them for every single mistake, makes them remember every mishap and relive every embarrassment when they go to sleep, and constantly tells them they are not good enough. Some are always the punchline of every joke they make, even though, deep inside, they know there is nothing funny about diminishing oneself.

But that voice in our head that’s telling us we are not sufficient or acceptable is not something we are born with. It can be the result of adverse childhood experiences or even trauma, as well as other things that happened to us while growing up and becoming who we are now. This is not how it’s supposed to be.

In this article, we’ll discuss the ways in which we are too hard on ourselves, the origin of our inner critic, and the strategies to overcome it.

Recognizing When Your Self-Criticism Went Too Far

To be successful and fulfilled, we need to be realistic about our mistakes and flaws. However, we also need to know when our neutral self-criticism becomes excessively negative self-judgment.

This happens when you beat yourself up over slip-ups that have minimal consequences. For example, when you buy an expired yogurt or when you accidentally break a glass and make a huge deal about it.

A common symptom of being overly harsh on yourself is criticizing yourself even when you have corrected that mistake. The guilt eats you up for simple things like saying someone’s name wrong and apologizing endlessly because you can’t allow yourself to move on.

One of the most dangerous aspects of this problem is interpreting someone’s poor treatment of you as your fault. This can lead to you second-guessing every decision and diminishing your personality. Worse yet, it makes you susceptible to manipulation and emotional abuse.

If you don’t appreciate yourself enough, it’s quite common to see other people’s mistakes as plausible but yours as catastrophic.

Finally, even if you have everything going for you and your life is all sorted out, with this sort of attitude, you can still focus on tiny things that are not perfect and always feel like a failure.

What Is the Root of Your Self-Criticism?

The first place to look when asking yourself about the root of your inner critic is your childhood. If the early caregiver was unreasonably critical of themselves, some of those traits could be projected onto you. Also, if a parent, teacher, or older sibling was controlling, hard to please, disapproving, constantly comparing you to others, this could form your beliefs about yourself and leave scars on your self-esteem. Emotional, physical, verbal, or any kind of abuse in any life stage can contribute to low self-esteem.

Self-criticism is also a part of some cultures. Some people are raised in cultures where this is an effective motivator. This can be particularly true for women in certain patriarchal cultures. Often, this passes from generation to generation, and the parenting style keeps the self-doubt alive.

Modern culture is often blamed for unrealistic beauty standards, so this can play its role, especially in the teenage years.

Replacing Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion

Since this is an issue that usually begins in childhood, we have to emphasize how important it is that parents raise their children in a compassionate environment. It starts with the little things, such as learning to deal with school stress, and spreads out to more complex topics like learning to love oneself.

Things are more complicated for adults, of course. You already have your scars that need healing first so that you can start regaining your confidence.

Start by writing down all of your self-deprecating thoughts. Once you have them down, perform a little ritual: destroy that paper. Rip it apart, feed it to the flames, flush it down the toilet. Be as dramatic as you’d like. Let this be a little cathartic act.
Then, make a conscious effort to stop comparing yourself to others, especially to the perceived ideas of others presented on social media.
Step out of your skin and observe yourself as a child you used to be or as a close friend. What would you say to them when they make a mistake or when they are not perfect? You would probably hug them or comfort them. So give yourself a hug. Comfort yourself.
Make time for self-care. Find the activities that make you happy or help you relax. Set aside one day of the week or a couple of hours a day for these activities. You deserve this.
Practice mindfulness to be in touch with your feelings and accept them fully.

In Closing

Finally, we can’t overlook how complex and tricky the human brain is. Negative criticism is linked to mental health issues, particularly anxiety and depression. If you feel like you can’t overcome this alone, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Therapists know how to create a non-judgmental and safe environment where you can confide and heal.

Top 6 Mood-Boosting & Other Health Benefits of Pets

November 15, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

The Health and Happiness Benefits of Pets is Extraordinary!

by Nicole McCray

Pets have always been incredible companions for their owners, and although they require a lot of care, pets bring us a lot of joy, too. Many of us feel that pets generate feelings of happiness for us and within our families. The bond and connection between humans and their pets are beneficial and rewarding on both sides.

While you may already know that bringing a pet home will give you joy, but there is so much more to it. Owning a pet can have genuinely positive effects on our physical and mental health, and it goes beyond just helping us be happier.

Did you know that pets who form strong bonds with their owners can become in synch with their tone of voice, gestures, and body language? It aids them in understanding what they are feeling at any given time.

Pet owners aren’t always aware of the multiple effects that pets have on their health. Here are some of the top mental, physical, and emotional health benefits that having a pet can do for you.

Pets Reduce Stress and Blood Pressure

Having a pet can cause stress by having accidents indoors, becoming sick, or destroying your furniture. However, owning a pet also aid in helping to relieve feelings of stress, hypertension, and anxiety. For example, there was a study with children who owned pets that discovered they had much lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol when interacting with their furry companions and creating a decrease in blood pressure.

So, you can effectively reduce your stress and anxiety just by playing with your pet. Even just something like simply stroking your pet’s head will be engaging enough to work on lessening those stress levels. So, the next time you have a rough day or are gone from home for a while, think about providing your pet with some quality time – it’s not only great for them, but it will help you too.

Pets Alleviate Depression

Along with lower stress levels, pets can also help those suffering from clinical depression. You may notice whenever you are feeling blue or down, your pet can help make you smile again, immediately boosting your mood.

The National Institute of Mental Health utilizes animal therapy to help treat depression and other mood disorders because pets have such a positive effect on emotions. In addition, pets remain loyal as companions, so when someone is feeling isolated or withdrawn, their pet will still be there and work to help provide feelings of calm and comfort.

Pets Give Us Healthier Hearts

Heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States. People with pets, however, are less likely to suffer from a heart attack or risk of stroke. The American Heart Association has performed studies that concluded that owning a pet can reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease.

Owning a pet also increases the likelihood of increasing your physical activity, which leads to being more fit. Most pets require some form of exercise, and if you are actively engaging with your pet, that means you are also getting some exercise. Exercise will help keep your heart healthy, give you more energy and help you maintain a healthy weight.

Pets Help Prevent Allergies

Another unexpected heart benefit from owning a pet is that exposure creates a barrier against having allergies. Millions of people suffer from allergies, and pet dander can be a common trigger for them, but exposure to them earlier in life, such as when you are a child, helps lower your risk for developing them.

A study in Medical News Today associated that children exposed to animals at an early age had a much lower risk of having asthma by the time they started school. The theory behind this is that being around allergens or pathogens will strengthen your immune system and effectively increase your tolerance to allergies.

Pets Promote Better Social Skills and Relationships

It is no surprise that most pet owners have a special connection and bond with their furry friends. Many, if not all of us, usually consider our pets to be more than just a pet, but a member of the family unit. However, that special bond that is created also benefits us with other relationships.

The clinicians at Bond Vet – NYC Animal Hospital said that many adults who had developed previous attachments to animals when they were young tend to have more understanding, empathy, and compassion. In addition, their emotional intuitiveness creates more substantial relationships with people.

Social skills are improved because taking care of animals gives owners a leadership role as caregivers. In addition, taking care of pets leads people to be more involved within their community, helping others and taking on other roles as leaders because it makes them feel good. Even studies have performed that children with autism showed more assertiveness if they lived with a pet.

Pets Help Us Sleep Better

While you may not want to allow your pet to sleep in the bed with you, having it in the bedroom at least can help with the overall quality of your sleep. Pets love to feel secure and comforted, and they like being close to their owners, even when they are sleeping.

Researchers found that pet owners who had their pets in the bed with them or within their bedroom found that they slept better and did not find the pet to be disruptive to their sleep. The feelings of companionship, security, and relaxation offered a better night’s rest for both pet owners and their furry friends.

With all of these tremendous advantages that pets give us, it is easy to see that bringing a pet into the home is more than just helpful to the pet. There is much joy and love to be had, and taking care of your pet creates many wonderful ways that improve your overall health and wellbeing.

Why Practicing Self-Care Is More Important in Today’s Internet Age + Dos & Don’ts

November 14, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

UnPlugging is a Vital Part of Self-Care

by Nicole McCray

In today’s internet age, feeling run down, overworked, and tired 24/7 is the norm, rather than the exception. Burnout has become the official term used to describe this state of chronic stress and mental exhaustion.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and emotionally drained and you’ve lost interest and motivation for activities you used to love, there’s a good chance you’re suffering from burnout. Sometimes, just thinking about the word stress makes you feel stressed!

Let’s take a deeper dive into why self-care is more important now than ever, plus some actionable dos and don’ts you can apply to your daily life.

Why Practicing Self-Care is so Important in the Internet Age

Thanks to modern technology and the internet, many of us are working our day jobs plus a side-hustle or two. And while we may be passionate about what we’re doing, practicing self-care often falls to the back burner when we’re always hustling.

On top of that, our phones have become a source of entertainment. They’re full of games, videos, news, and social media. It’s so easy to lose sight of yourself. You feel drained without really knowing why. Emotions pile up and relationships get pushed aside without even realizing it.

In a nutshell, spending so much time on the internet creates a disconnect from one’s feelings, thoughts, and sense of individuality. And when you’re consumed with work day and night, it’s no wonder your mental state begins to shift. There’s just no energy left for you.

If this sounds like you, it’s time for a serious change! When was the last time you treated yourself to dinner and a movie, read a book, or took a long walk in nature? The fact is your mind and body need downtime away from work and the internet to recharge.

Self-care is an investment in yourself. Unplugging for a few hours to connect with others and reconnect with yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. It will recharge and rejuvenate you so that you can be present in your daily life.

The Dos and Don’ts of Self-Care

Self-care isn’t a new concept, but it has certainly become a buzzword in recent years. What does practicing self-care really mean? There’s so much information coming at you all the time, it’s hard to even know where to begin. Here are some tips to guide you down the path of self-care in a healthy way.

Don’t neglect the basics.

Don’t underestimate the value of basic self-care. Eating a healthy meal, getting a quality night’s sleep, exercising, spending time outdoors, and taking a shower every day is essential for your mental and physical health.

But, taking a few minutes to apply the best primer for makeup and foundation, a little concealer, some mascara, and a bit of blush or lip color before you head out the door can have powerful effects on your mood, too. It’s like telling yourself you’re worth it, and nothing is more important than that.

Do practice self-awareness as part of self-care.

You can’t take care of yourself if you don’t know what you need. Building self-awareness means checking in with yourself every day. Are you getting enough sleep, healthy food, and exercise? Are you feeling anxious, sad, or bored? Why?

Remember that you are a dynamic individual. Your needs are constantly changing. Spending some time every day assessing your thoughts and feelings will help you reconnect with yourself and feel cared for.

Don’t use self-care as an excuse to be irresponsible with your money.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with treating yourself once in a while, but don’t use self-care as an excuse to overspend. Taking care of yourself doesn’t require buying something new.

Avoid using retail therapy as a way to avoid dealing with your relationships, problems, or emotions. And don’t buy something you can’t afford because you think it will make you feel better. Creating a budget and sticking to it will make you feel much better in the long run.

The best things in life are free! You don’t need to blow your paycheck on a fancy dinner out to practice self-care. Journaling, meditation, yoga, tidying up your personal space, great conversations, and practicing gratitude are completely free and excellent examples of self-care.

Do ask for help when you need it.

You can’t do everything yourself and acknowledging that is a huge part of self-care. There’s no shame in enlisting the help of a babysitter, a family member, a friend, or even a therapist if that’s what you need. Many times, your loved ones will appreciate the chance to be there for you.

Don’t forget to unplug.

We’ve already touched on this, but the importance of unplugging regularly can’t be overstated. It’s easy to end a long day with a few hours of mindless scrolling and binge-watching, but that’s not always what’s best for you.

Comparing yourself to the “perfect” images of influencers or celebrities on TV and the internet is terrible for your self-esteem. And, getting lost in the plethora of depressing news stories coming out every day is also terrible for your mental health. Making a point of unplugging at least one day every week should be a top priority.

And finally, do remember that self-care isn’t one size fits all.

While a rose-scented bubble bath may sound amazing to many, maybe the thought of soaking in the tub until your fingers turn wrinkly just doesn’t appeal to you. That’s ok! Be honest with yourself. If something is supposed to feel good but doesn’t feel good to you, don’t force yourself to do it anyway. You’re unique and your self-care routine should be too!

How to Approach the Decision on Whether or Not to Have Children

How to Develop a Body Neutral Mindset

Body Neutrality: What is it?