Self Help

by Mila

Sometimes, things just do not work out. No matter how much effort you put into a relationship, the dynamic between two people is a two-way street. Maybe you are simply out of sync and it is nobody’s fault.

However it turns out, ending a relationship that had you emotionally and physically invested for years on end is a turbulent and, dare we say, a traumatic experience, and you need to allow yourself breathing room to heal.

Before you even proceed to look at the singular constructive coping mechanism or adopt useful tools to get over a divorce, here’s one thing you should keep on your mind throughout the ordeal at all costs: you WILL be happy again.

Accept the stages of grieving

It won’t be long after the divorce is finalized before you realize that the mental process of grieving has begun. Even if the ordeal had left you unsympathetic towards the ex-spouse, you shouldn’t underestimate the power of positive memories and feelings that you’ve accrued throughout the relationship. Mix that with the force of habit that comes with co-living conditions, and you have a mighty cocktail of grief that you’ll have to chug-down in full.

The cycle of grief typically follows five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. This sequence is typical of many scenarios where a person has to deal with a particularly egregious life situation, and a divorce is no different.

Just the notion of knowing the order of these mindsets can prove to be an invaluable tool when it comes to avoiding certain trappings that can push you further down the rabbit hole of unhappiness.

These trappings always end up badly for all parties involved, and they include using children as pawns in a game of hurt, boosting your self-esteem in all the wrong, egocentric ways, and trying to reconcile with your spouse. All of these traps should be avoided at all costs, and knowing the stages of grief can help you overview certain urges and situations more objectively. Of course, you should especially tread lightly when for the sake of your children.

Embrace constructive activities

One of the most important cornerstones of your road to happiness is the adoption of activities and hobbies. Divorce will bring about a whole laundry list of changes that will undoubtedly throw your entire life out of balance; specifically – there will suddenly appear a ‘hole’ in a place where a range of activities with your spouse used to be.

Embracing the changes means accepting that this time needs to be filed with constructive activities that will improve your quality of life. Mind you – this is not about replacement. It’s about scrutinizing a list of potential hobbies that are certain to help you with your grieving process.

Dabble in art

You might want to turn to arts and crafts in search of something that has a positive impact on one’s mental health. Nobody will expect you to create masterpieces of modern art – it can (and should) be something that you can enjoy while you meditate on your next move. It’s about the act of creation – assembling something that you find aesthetically pleasing, creating order out of chaos. It is a therapeutic practice and there is hardly anything more ennobling you could do.

Stay physically active

Of course, some men would rightfully argue that partaking in organized sports activities is just as ennobling and therapeutic as creating art for yourself. Investing yourself in training and on a daily basis is an amazing way to channel your frustrations into a formatted physical activity (formatted – as in, denoting rules).

Now, you can participate in organized group sports such as basketball, football and others, which is an excellent way to develop a better rapport with friends and stay both socially and physically active. Talking sessions with your teammates before and after training can also help immensely.

Golf encourages the improvement of mental health through the discipline of patience, focus and physical effort that is, at the same time, meditative by nature. That being said, the upsides found in golf can also be found in martial arts, but this is not everyone’s cup of tea.

Forgiveness is the ultimate goal

This might sound like a sappy and naive notion, but working towards forgiveness as the ultimate goal will break the final chain of gloom that is wrapped around you, pulling you deeper and deeper into depression.

There is a dirty secret hidden at the heart of forgiveness, and that is the revelation that it is not about ‘the other person’. Forgiving your spouse is achttps://amzn.to/2LnHFLWtually all about you because otherwise, you will stay full of resentment, which will further corrode your soul. Forgiving your ex-spouse as soon as you can will definitely put you on the express-way to happiness.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, a stigma of shame still surrounds the image of grieving men. Too often do they hide behind a stoic disposition and conceal their emotions, proceeding to live a life of silent pain instead of coping with a life-changing event such as divorce.

Without a doubt, this has far-reaching consequences on the psychological integrity of an individual, so you should do everything in your power to refuse this unhealthy practice and deal with your emotions head-on. It is the only road to happiness after the divorce.