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How to Feel Better About Growing Older: Your Story Isn’t Over, It’s Just Getting Good!

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How to feel happier about aging

Live. Love. Laugh… Then Laugh a Little More!

First of all, allow me to say that if you’re feeling unhappy, sad, or in any way negative about growing older or looking older, there’s nothing wrong with that! We feel how we feel and we are entitled to these feelings. So when I try to make you feel happier, I am not (in any way) suggesting you are wrong to feel sad or unhappy. I just want you to be happy – I like your smile.

The loss of youth, a youthful appearance, and of being able to do all we once did can be unsettling. In fact, isn’t it the last two things that get to us the most? I don’t know about you, but the number doesn’t bother me… even when I hit the fifties, I didn’t mind the number. I mean a number is just that… a number. I do mind not being able to walk as far or jog like I used to. I mind not being able to eat certain foods or eat late into the evening like I once did.

And boy oh boy, did I mind the peculiar things that began to happen on my arms (there used to be more tone and definition, if memory serves!), face, and (Lord have mercy) neck.

Seriously… why does the neck turn on a person so quickly?! The one body part it’s almost impossible to cover, camouflage, or paint?!?

We all have moments, don’t we? I almost never stress over appearance, I do my nails, spritz on my perfume, fluff my curls, apply makeup, ask my neck, “Why, though?” and get on with life. I have always (even as a teenager) cared 100 percent more about what was inside a person more than what was outside, including myself.

Whether it’s me or someone else, I am infinitely attracted to a great sense of humor, a love of life, a non-judgmental attitude, and a personality that draws you in its direction. We live in a world that focuses entirely too much on appearance (thanks a lot social media, selfies, and fad diets). How much better would it be if we praised personalities, compassion, being well-read, etc.

NOTHING in the world wrong with wanting to be healthy, look your best, and feel your best – but what’s going on INSIDE is so much more important and I’m willing to die on that hill.

If you’re reading this, odds are you’re feeling a little (or a lot) down about aging. Whether it was something you saw in the mirror (it was the neck, wasn’t it?) or something you weren’t able to do as well as you once were, you may simply have a case of the “sads.”

I want very much to see if I can help you get past the sads and dive head-first into the glads like a puppy in a pile of leaves.

Below are a few tips and tricks of the trade I’ve learned in the fabulous fifties (they really are fabulous in many ways):

  1. Keep a sense of humor – it will serve you well! I’ve listed this first for a reason – I think it may just be the most important one. Having a sense of humor and being able to see the humor in most situations is vital throughout life, but never more so than in the golden years (50-100+).  When you’re laughing, you aren’t ignoring things that bother or bug you (more about those in a minute), you’re simply letting them know you will NOT be brought down by them. You will NOT allow them to trample on your joy or let the air out of your happiness. Laughing doesn’t just feel good, it is healthy for your body and mind. I highly, highly, highly recommend watching The Golden Girls and (if colorful language doesn’t offend you) the Grumpy Old Men movies. They’re hilarious and will absolutely remind you to laugh. The Golden Girls could actually be prescribed therapy for us women who are growing older. They wear it so well and have so much fun with life, it reminds us that we can too!
  2. Eat right, sleep right, and keep your doctor’s appointments. I want to see you happy, but I also want to see you healthy. Some people get a certain age and they do all they can to avoid doctors. Horrible idea! Getting a great checkup could make a world of difference in how you feel. So very often, someone feels “off” or “not quite themselves” and bloodwork shows that all they need is a little more Vitamin D or Iron. Both of these make a whole world of difference in how you feel.  I’ve also found that Magnesium is something else that helps a great deal. Be sure to ask your doctor about each of these. Also, be sure you’re eating right and getting enough sleep. Both are vital to looking and feeling your best.
  3. Address those things that bug you! If you don’t like something about yourself (weight, hair, skin… whatever), research ways to improve it and get to work. Once you start working on something, you feel instantly better – long before you see even a hint of improvement, you feel a world better.
  4. Don’t focus on what LEFT… focus on what REMAINS. If you’ve suffered a loss in relationships, family member, health, a pet, home, business, or you feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself, try very hard not to focus too much energy on what you have lost (or even perceive that you’ve lost). Focus, instead, on what or who remains. It’s a trick many use when dealing with an empty nest. They go from focusing on the child or children who had the audacity to leave the nest (how dare they grow up?!) and they focus on who and/or what remains. When you feel every bit of your age, try to switch your focus to the fact that you’re still bright, still funny, and (on some days) even downright sassy. Don’t spend too much time looking at those gray hairs… look, instead, at how your eyes still sparkle. It sounds simple, but it is absolutely therapeutic. Focus on what remains. Focus on what remains. Focus on what remains.
  5. Do not look to the future with fear or sadness, look instead at the life you’ve lived with awe and gladness! Think of the love, the laughs, the things you’ve seen, and the things you’ve done. Your life is a wonderful story and it is in NO WAY over yet! Heck, the best chapters may still lie ahead.

I don’t want to keep you much longer, I want you to get out there and enjoy your wonderful life, but I’ll just leave you with this. The next time you’re thinking anything like…

  • “I can’t do this, I’m too old…”
  • “I will never be okay with how I look..”
  • “What is with these creaking knees?”

… I want you to think back on your life. I want you to name times when you were your own hero.  Did you overcome cancer, a gallbladder operation, an especially bad car wreck, or a scary trip to the emergency room? Have you had to say goodbye (for now!) to your mom, dad, husband, wife, or other loved one at a funeral home? Did you have a dream home you had to drive away from… or close a business you worked half your life for? Think of the times you’ve had to step up, be tougher than you ever thought possible, and come walking out of the rubble… maybe even limping at first. Now tell yourself, “I’ve lived through the worst. This will be a cakewalk.”

Be your own hero. Hey, you’ve done it before… you’re good at this!

Make each moment count double and stay in the fight! ~ Joi (“Joy”)

How to feel happier about aging

Your Story Isn’t Over… It’s Just Getting Good!

Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

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Self-Compassion

by Sara Kaminski

Lots of people live with a merciless critic in their head who blames them for every single mistake, makes them remember every mishap and relive every embarrassment when they go to sleep, and constantly tells them they are not good enough. Some are always the punchline of every joke they make, even though, deep inside, they know there is nothing funny about diminishing oneself.

But that voice in our head that’s telling us we are not sufficient or acceptable is not something we are born with. It can be the result of adverse childhood experiences or even trauma, as well as other things that happened to us while growing up and becoming who we are now. This is not how it’s supposed to be.

In this article, we’ll discuss the ways in which we are too hard on ourselves, the origin of our inner critic, and the strategies to overcome it.

Recognizing When Your Self-Criticism Went Too Far

To be successful and fulfilled, we need to be realistic about our mistakes and flaws. However, we also need to know when our neutral self-criticism becomes excessively negative self-judgment.

This happens when you beat yourself up over slip-ups that have minimal consequences. For example, when you buy an expired yogurt or when you accidentally break a glass and make a huge deal about it.

A common symptom of being overly harsh on yourself is criticizing yourself even when you have corrected that mistake. The guilt eats you up for simple things like saying someone’s name wrong and apologizing endlessly because you can’t allow yourself to move on.

One of the most dangerous aspects of this problem is interpreting someone’s poor treatment of you as your fault. This can lead to you second-guessing every decision and diminishing your personality. Worse yet, it makes you susceptible to manipulation and emotional abuse.

If you don’t appreciate yourself enough, it’s quite common to see other people’s mistakes as plausible but yours as catastrophic.

Finally, even if you have everything going for you and your life is all sorted out, with this sort of attitude, you can still focus on tiny things that are not perfect and always feel like a failure.

What Is the Root of Your Self-Criticism?

The first place to look when asking yourself about the root of your inner critic is your childhood. If the early caregiver was unreasonably critical of themselves, some of those traits could be projected onto you. Also, if a parent, teacher, or older sibling was controlling, hard to please, disapproving, constantly comparing you to others, this could form your beliefs about yourself and leave scars on your self-esteem. Emotional, physical, verbal, or any kind of abuse in any life stage can contribute to low self-esteem.

Self-criticism is also a part of some cultures. Some people are raised in cultures where this is an effective motivator. This can be particularly true for women in certain patriarchal cultures. Often, this passes from generation to generation, and the parenting style keeps the self-doubt alive.

Modern culture is often blamed for unrealistic beauty standards, so this can play its role, especially in the teenage years.

Replacing Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion

Since this is an issue that usually begins in childhood, we have to emphasize how important it is that parents raise their children in a compassionate environment. It starts with the little things, such as learning to deal with school stress, and spreads out to more complex topics like learning to love oneself.

Things are more complicated for adults, of course. You already have your scars that need healing first so that you can start regaining your confidence.

  • Start by writing down all of your self-deprecating thoughts. Once you have them down, perform a little ritual: destroy that paper. Rip it apart, feed it to the flames, flush it down the toilet. Be as dramatic as you’d like. Let this be a little cathartic act.
  • Then, make a conscious effort to stop comparing yourself to others, especially to the perceived ideas of others presented on social media.
  • Step out of your skin and observe yourself as a child you used to be or as a close friend. What would you say to them when they make a mistake or when they are not perfect? You would probably hug them or comfort them. So give yourself a hug. Comfort yourself.
  • Make time for self-care. Find the activities that make you happy or help you relax. Set aside one day of the week or a couple of hours a day for these activities. You deserve this.
  • Practice mindfulness to be in touch with your feelings and accept them fully.

In Closing

Finally, we can’t overlook how complex and tricky the human brain is. Negative criticism is linked to mental health issues, particularly anxiety and depression. If you feel like you can’t overcome this alone, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Therapists know how to create a non-judgmental and safe environment where you can confide and heal.

Norman Vincent Peale on Positivity and How to Keep Social Media from Making you Miserable!

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Positivity Quote by Norman Vincent Peale

“The person who sends out positive thoughts activates the world around him positively and draws back to himself positive results.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

This is one of those quotes that’s ABSOLUTELY worth spending a little time alone with. I’ve been trying to decide, lately, why exactly so many people seem so negative these days. I’ve actually been thinking about it for a week or so and I keep coming back to two words…. social media.

The sarcastic, negative, and often downright mean posts usually get the most engagement – the number one thing most on social media are after. It doesn’t even really matter to them if the those who engage are agreeing or disagreeing, they simply want (and VERY often benefit monetarily) a large number of people to talk TO them and ABOUT them.

They crave it like I crave coffee… which is truly saying something, trust me.

Problem is, far too often people see the negativity on social media and, even when they register that it’s unattractive and nasty, they often take it offline with them. Suddenly their server at Applebee’s needs to be talked about behind his back because his hair was blue, they can’t give the woman passing them in a car a laughing emoji, so they ridicule the way she looks with their words… and on and on and on.

Can you imagine if the opposite were true?! What if things we spent time with affected us in positive ways? What if time we spent online, reading a book, listening to a podcast, watching tv, or watching videos more or less “conditioned” us to be more positive and happy offline?!

That’s why it is of the utmost importance to not just choose your friends wisely, but also important to choose your pastimes wisely. You could make a case that how you spend your time (which so strongly influences who you ARE) is even more important than choosing friends.

I’m not at all saying you have to give up social media. Personally, I love interacting on Twitter and Instagram. But the trick is, I’ve gotten really, really good at weeding out the ones who fill my mind and heart with negativity, sadness, and even madness. Those who seem to be hellbent on making others as angry, sad, or miserable as they are get the block from me.

Think about it, if someone showed up on your doorstep yelling and cursing about everything and everyone who they disagreed with, would you let them in to spread their toxicity and mood on you and your family? Heck no! They’d get the door slammed in their face… IF it had even been opened in the first place.

What I’m suggesting is this:

  • Even if the people you follow online are people who you usually agree with, if they’re leaving their angry fingerprints on your psyche, they aren’t worth it. Follow and interact with those who make you smile and who don’t give you extra weight to carry. The best ones are the ones who make your load feel lighter!
  • Balance time spent with social media (and even the news) with positive input. Think of positive, upbeat, encouraging input as healthy comfort food. The rest? Junk food! No way you’re going to be able to cut all the junk food out (like my personal relationship with fries!), so you need to find a way to balance it all out.

Reading good (really good), positive authors is an excellent way to fill your mind and heart with positivity. Positive podcasts, old movies, and other things that lift you up as opposed to weigh you down… that’s the good stuff!

Make each moment count double! ~ Joi (“Joy”)


The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale (Amazon link)

Follow the link for more Norman Vincent Peale Quotes.

A Goal Without a Plan is Only a Dream (Harsh but True!)

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A Goal Without a Plan is Only a Dream. ~ Brian Tracy

“A Goal Without a Plan is Only a Dream.” ~ Brian Tracy

A few days ago, I was at my dining room table, doing what I do every year in the days between Christmas and New Year’s Day – writing down goals I want to accomplish in the coming year. When I got to number 4 (one that involved doing a better job monetizing one of my blogs), the Brian Tracy quote above came to mind.

I’m used to my mind arguing with itself, so I was unfazed.

I immediately began jotting proactive, doable, and sensible plans beneath each goal… because dreams are beautiful and essential, but they don’t buy the cat food.

Have you seen the price of cat food these days?!?! To add to the issue, my little divas (naturally) refuse to eat anything except the high-end brands. You know, the ones that are so hard to find now that grocery stores are marking them up as high as possible?!

So, yeah… I planned my work and intend to work my plan.

At the risk of being redundant, this Brian Tracy quote is so good, I think it’s worth repeating….

“A Goal Without a Plan is Only a Dream.” ~ Brian Tracy

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones!
~ Joi (“Joy”)

Delectables Squeeze Ups

One of my girls pointing to her favorite treat: Delectables Squeeze Ups!

 

 

Don’t Stress on What Was (Regret is a COMPLETE Time Waster!)

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Quote About Regret

Quote About Not Stressing Over What WAS

This quote about regret (not looking back, but looking ahead) is a great eye-opener. I thought it was also ideal for right about now, as we ready ourselves for the New Year and look forward to achieving goals and resolutions.

It’s just such an exciting time, isn’t it?! I honestly enjoy New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day almost as much as Christmas.

In its own way, New Year’s Day is one of the best holidays of the entire year. I hope yours will be extraordinary!

“Every day the clock resets. Your wins don’t matter. Your failures don’t matter. Don’t stress on what was, fight for what could be.”  ~  Sean Higgins.