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Reducing Fear Around the What Ifs in the World

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If you are naturally a fearful or anxious individual, finding a moment of calmness in your own mind can be difficult as you are always wondering or worrying about what-if scenarios, even if they seem quite outlandish even to our own rational brains. Once you have a fixation on a circumstance or situation, it can be difficult to let go, relax and in so many words – get over the feeling of what’s bugging you.

Luckily, we don’t have to let fear and anxiety drive our lives and we have more control over our thoughts, feelings and reactions than we initially realise. Of course, you shouldn’t ever withhold or prevent a feeling – it’s natural to have emotions and feelings, even if they are quite strong compared to those around you – it’s how we act on these feelings and emotions that summarises who we are.

Gaining Control

Control is something that can make us feel confident but can quickly be pulled out from underneath us. When we lose this control, we feel suitably out-of-control of our own lives which naturally causes feelings of anxiety and fear. While we may not always be able to control the situation, we are able to control our reactions to it and work our way through the fear and nerves.

For instance, online security can be a fear for many people who have moved their important accounts online and are using smart devices to log into their sensitive inboxes and bank accounts. While you cannot control if and when a hack might occur, you can be sure to implement multi-factor authentication on all your accounts and practice safe browsing by never opening or clicking untrustworthy links.

Trusting in Others

The beloved people in our lives, be they friends or family, can be a huge source of anxiety and fear for people as they worry what could happen to these people and the impact it will have on our lives. Parents in particular can be a group that is hugely affected as they place their trust in schools and day-cares to take care of their young children while they go out to work and provide a comfortable lifestyle for their family. Trust in others is built over time, we cannot be expected to trust everyone as soon as we meet them, and it can be easily to become overwhelmed with the sheer amount of news stories regarding untrustworthy people. It’s becoming gradually easier, with the addition of smart technology that allows us to keep an eye on our homes by monitoring securely protected CCTV and other home or commercial surveillance devices.

However, we also need to remind ourselves that the true world isn’t full of monsters hiding around every corner and that news and social media platforms benefit from only releasing and reporting the bad stuff. Social media and online news platforms and blogs have made it easier than ever before to see the horrors going on around the world but just because we hear about it more frequently, doesn’t mean it’s happening more frequently, in fact, in many western countries, the world is the safest it’s ever been.

Confidence in Feelings

Sometimes fear and anxiety can be caused by doubting our own feelings or denying emotions to situations out of our control. Rather than immediately taking action against these feelings, make a record of them, take a moment to read what you’ve written and include details about the situation.

– What has happened to make you feel this way?

– How do you feel?

– Was this your initial feeling or have your feelings changed and developed in reaction to your first response?

Once you’ve got this on paper (or typed up in front of you) it’s easier to step back and look at the situation as a whole, address the feelings you had and what caused them and work out what you need to change about the situation in future to make you feel better about it. Our brains work in interesting ways and sometimes, the first thought we have in regard to a situation is simply what we’ve been conditioned to think or feel, it’s what we do next that decides the type of person we are and how much control we have over ourselves.

The world may seem like a scary place at first glance, full of what-if situations and terrifying news stories but take a closer look at your immediate world, your family, your neighbourhood, your local community – you might quickly find many smiling faces and supportive networks. We are the ones in control of ourselves, don’t let your emotions override your thoughts and instead, learn to let go of the little things that worry you and live a more peaceful, fulfilling life.

You WILL Be Happy Again: How Men Can Move on After Divorce

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Happiness at Work

by Mila

Sometimes, things just do not work out. No matter how much effort you put into a relationship, the dynamic between two people is a two-way street. Maybe you are simply out of sync and it is nobody’s fault.

However it turns out, ending a relationship that had you emotionally and physically invested for years on end is a turbulent and, dare we say, a traumatic experience, and you need to allow yourself breathing room to heal.

Before you even proceed to look at the singular constructive coping mechanism or adopt useful tools to get over a divorce, here’s one thing you should keep on your mind throughout the ordeal at all costs: you WILL be happy again.

Accept the stages of grieving

It won’t be long after the divorce is finalized before you realize that the mental process of grieving has begun. Even if the ordeal had left you unsympathetic towards the ex-spouse, you shouldn’t underestimate the power of positive memories and feelings that you’ve accrued throughout the relationship. Mix that with the force of habit that comes with co-living conditions, and you have a mighty cocktail of grief that you’ll have to chug-down in full.

The cycle of grief typically follows five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. This sequence is typical of many scenarios where a person has to deal with a particularly egregious life situation, and a divorce is no different.

Just the notion of knowing the order of these mindsets can prove to be an invaluable tool when it comes to avoiding certain trappings that can push you further down the rabbit hole of unhappiness.

These trappings always end up badly for all parties involved, and they include using children as pawns in a game of hurt, boosting your self-esteem in all the wrong, egocentric ways, and trying to reconcile with your spouse. All of these traps should be avoided at all costs, and knowing the stages of grief can help you overview certain urges and situations more objectively. Of course, you should especially tread lightly when for the sake of your children.

Embrace constructive activities

One of the most important cornerstones of your road to happiness is the adoption of activities and hobbies. Divorce will bring about a whole laundry list of changes that will undoubtedly throw your entire life out of balance; specifically – there will suddenly appear a ‘hole’ in a place where a range of activities with your spouse used to be.

Embracing the changes means accepting that this time needs to be filed with constructive activities that will improve your quality of life. Mind you – this is not about replacement. It’s about scrutinizing a list of potential hobbies that are certain to help you with your grieving process.

Dabble in art

You might want to turn to arts and crafts in search of something that has a positive impact on one’s mental health. Nobody will expect you to create masterpieces of modern art – it can (and should) be something that you can enjoy while you meditate on your next move. It’s about the act of creation – assembling something that you find aesthetically pleasing, creating order out of chaos. It is a therapeutic practice and there is hardly anything more ennobling you could do.

Stay physically active

Of course, some men would rightfully argue that partaking in organized sports activities is just as ennobling and therapeutic as creating art for yourself. Investing yourself in training and on a daily basis is an amazing way to channel your frustrations into a formatted physical activity (formatted – as in, denoting rules).

Now, you can participate in organized group sports such as basketball, football and others, which is an excellent way to develop a better rapport with friends and stay both socially and physically active. Talking sessions with your teammates before and after training can also help immensely.

Golf encourages the improvement of mental health through the discipline of patience, focus and physical effort that is, at the same time, meditative by nature. That being said, the upsides found in golf can also be found in martial arts, but this is not everyone’s cup of tea.

Forgiveness is the ultimate goal

This might sound like a sappy and naive notion, but working towards forgiveness as the ultimate goal will break the final chain of gloom that is wrapped around you, pulling you deeper and deeper into depression.

There is a dirty secret hidden at the heart of forgiveness, and that is the revelation that it is not about ‘the other person’. Forgiving your spouse is achttps://amzn.to/2LnHFLWtually all about you because otherwise, you will stay full of resentment, which will further corrode your soul. Forgiving your ex-spouse as soon as you can will definitely put you on the express-way to happiness.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, a stigma of shame still surrounds the image of grieving men. Too often do they hide behind a stoic disposition and conceal their emotions, proceeding to live a life of silent pain instead of coping with a life-changing event such as divorce.

Without a doubt, this has far-reaching consequences on the psychological integrity of an individual, so you should do everything in your power to refuse this unhealthy practice and deal with your emotions head-on. It is the only road to happiness after the divorce.

5 Tips for Exercising When You Have Diabetes

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by Maggie Hammond

Exercise, as everyone knows, is an important part of living a healthy lifestyle, but it can be tricky to get right when you are living with diabetes.

Living with diabetes doesn’t mean you should sacrifice a love of staying active and healthy. It is perfectly achievable to have diabetes and still go to the gym regularly and be proud of your progress and your body.

Exercising with diabetes just requires a few more precautions than usual.

1.   Monitor Your Blood Sugar Levels

You would normally monitor your blood sugar or glucose levels before and after eating meals, but it is also crucial to measure them when you exercise. You should measure your glucose levels before, during and after you exercise using continuous glucose monitoring to get an accurate level.

Exercise and activity can lower your blood sugar levels. It’s essential that you monitor yours to avoid them getting too low.

2.   Do Aerobic Exercises

For those that are living with diabetes, they are more susceptible to cardiovascular diseases, especially those with Type 2 who generally have higher cholesterol and higher blood pressure. Aerobic exercises, also known as cardiovascular exercises, are great for improving heart health and fitness.

There are various types of aerobic exercises you can do, so you can take your pick of what you like from these and more:

Even walking is a fantastic form of aerobic exercise. Choosing to walk to and from work instead of driving can greatly improve your cardiovascular health.

3.   Stay Hydrated

While exercising, you should make sure you have water available and that you drink it at regular intervals. Vigorous exercise can cause dehydration, and in turn, dehydration can lower blood sugar levels. If your blood sugar level is generally low, you should also have a snack before you start exercising to get them back up.

4.   Talk to Your Doctor

Your doctor will know what is the best solution for you when it comes to exercise for your particular diabetes. Your doctor can help you to devise an exercise plan for you to stick to and that will consider your diabetes status.

It is recommended that most adults should do 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week, but your doctor may advise you to act differently depending on your current health and activity.

5.   Adjust Your Medicinal Plan

You should adjust your medicinal plan when you want to exercise. This means looking at when you take your insulin and what your dosage is. Your doctor will be able to advise you if and how you should make these changes, whether you should wait until after you have finished your workout or reduce your dosage of insulin before you exercise. This will depend on how vigorous your exercise routine is and your original dosage.

Exercising with diabetes is doable and is, in fact, integral to staying healthy even with the disease. It is vital that you don’t push your limits and that you consult your doctor should you make any huge changes to your routine or your insulin levels.

Author:
Freelance writer Maggie Hammond is a retired nurse and a keen advocate for alternative medicine and holistic treatments. Additionally, she feels passionate about raising critical awareness of the strain on public health organizations.

Coping with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): A Few Quick and Easy Tips

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Remember to Pause to See the Beauty in Every Season

Those of us who have never suffered from  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) should take a moment right now and express our complete and unrestrained gratitude. From what I’ve seen, heard, and read, it is a miserable and seemingly relentless cloud of misery.

Fortunately, there are a few ways to cope with and even overcome SAD. Will every tip work for you personally? Doubtful… but more likely than not a few will help you tremendously. Being proactive will, all by itself, help to some extent.

It always feels better to know we are taking positive steps to make our lives better – as well as the lives of those who our life touches.

Tips for Coping with SAD:

  1. Take a multi-vitamin and a Vitamin D Supplement. Vitamin deficiencies have a large number of symptoms and many of those associated with being more emotional than physical. One of my daughters once found herself feeling extremely tired and sluggish. Worse, she’d sometimes cry without having any idea WHY. When she went to the doctor, she had tears in the examining room and told the doctor she had no idea why. Being a sharp doctor, she ordered blood-work – specifically wanting to check her Vitamin D. It wasn’t just low, it was VERY low. She was prescribed a Vitamin D supplement (though they are available over the counter) and her symptoms improved almost immediately.
  2. Let some sunlight in! Something as simple as opening blinds and curtains during the day may help. When you’re able to look outside at nature (even if it’s just a single tree or the sky and grass), you’re instantly reminded that nature is beautiful year round, not just in the warmer months. The light, itself, can lift your spirits.
  3. ALWAYS have something to look forward to. I’m convinced that (to a certain extent) SAD can result from a “let down” after a string of exciting, high-charged holidays and events. Think about it – September (back to school), October (Halloween), November (Thanksgiving), December (Christmas), January (New Year’s Day). That leaves the rest of January, February (let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is only so so on the excitement meter), and some of March in many parts of the world. It’s only reasonable that there will be a let down, a feeling of “What do we get ready for or look forward to now???” Why not begin planning for your own party or family get-together?! Plan for a Super Bowl party, a movie-watching party (pick your favorite movie… after all, it’s your party!), or any kind of random party you can think of (masquerade party, game day party, use your imagination and see where it takes you). If you aren’t the party type (aside from family birthdays, I’m not either, actually), start planning Movie Nights with a loved one or all by yourself. Pick a night of the week when you don’t have to cook anything (no cleanup… yay!), order pizza, pop the popcorn, and watch a couple of great movies. You’ll find yourself looking forward to movie night so much I’m sure you’ll keep the tradition rolling all year.
  4. Move more! I’m not saying you have to hit the gym – trust me, the last gym I was in was in high school (and gym was short for gymnasium)! Simply make yourself become more active. We move a lot more in the warmer months and the sudden dip in activity takes it’s toll on the body and, perhaps, even mind. Bundle up and walk around the yard or block, turn on music and do your chores with more showmanship (my favorite), take up yoga or pilates, learn a new dance… just move it!
  5. Essential Oils can be effective. The following essential oils can be very helpful in lifting moods (the links go to Amazon, where each can be readily found): Lemon, Jasmine, Lavender, Cinnamon, and Peppermint essential oils are a few people swear by.

I place this final piece of advice separate from the rest because it is both different and vital. So vital, in fact, that I’m not sure any or even all of the tips above will work if it is left undone. When we suffer from things like SAD, we have to stop giving it more power than it already has.

Each time someone says any of the things below, they give Seasonal Affective Disorder more power…

  • “I can’t be happy, I have SAD.”
  • “I’d like to go out for dinner with you, but I can’t, I always feel depressed this time of year.”
  • “I hate winter – it makes me feel so unhappy.”
  • “I wish I could be happy… guess I’ll have to wait for summer.”

Any form of these statements give the disorder power and place the individual in the role of victim – and I don’t know about you, but that’s a role I have no interest in playing!

Statements to Give YOU the Power…

  • “Less light outside doesn’t have to mean less light inside!”
  • “I’m going to make a list of fun things to do this month…”
  • “A problem is nothing more than a question that hasn’t found it’s answer yet… this year, I will find that answer!”

I am in NO WAY trying to make light of SAD – it is a very, very real condition. However, you have more power than it does, you’re smarter than it is, you have more resolve, and you’re a heckuva lot better looking.

My money is on you. ~ Joi (“Joy”)


Tips for Surviving the Holiday Season if This Time of Year Is Difficult for You

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by Brooke Faulkner

When many people talk about the holidays, they speak with a feeling of warmth and love. They associate this time of year with family and giving. Kids get gifts and winter break; parents get to see their children believe in something magical; and families embrace and feel blessed for their time spent together. Holidays feel nostalgic for many, and this time of year brings back memories of baked cookies, Christmas movies, and cozy mornings with hot cocoa and playing in the snow.

However, plenty of people have a difficult time during the holiday season. Some may feel lonelier during the holidays. Some may have feelings of grief due to the absence of a loved one during this time. Some may not have family, or be estranged from their family. Some may feel ostracized if they are single, without children, or going through a separation. Some may be experiencing financial troubles that are exacerbated during the gift-giving holidays. Some may be struggling to stay sober or battling with their mental health. No matter what your story is, there are tips that can help you survive this difficult time of year.

Get Out of Town

If the holiday season is hard for you, it might be the perfect time for you to get out of town and create new memories away from any triggering people or situations. Travel has a way of helping you feel rejuvenated and can help in increasing your feelings of independence and adventure. Visit some of the most amazing cities in the world — some of which won’t feel like the holiday season in terms of temperature and culture. Even a road trip to a nearby resort or a winter camping weekend can help to remove you from the hard parts of being at home. You have every right to take this time and mold it into whatever you need to help make you feel better.

Create New Traditions

Some of the common traditions that people have can make this time of year worse for people. Even your own traditions can be triggering if you’ve lost someone or been recently separated. Instead of sticking with the traditions that are difficult, create new ones. If you’re feeling especially lonely, spend this time of year visiting shelter dogs or retirement communities to be a source of comfort for others who may be lonely as well. If you recently lost someone, make a new tradition of celebrating them somehow, like making their favorite recipe or watching their favorite holiday movie. Pinpoint the hard parts of the holiday and find ways to make them your own, or replace them altogether.

Plan an Exit Strategy

If you’re worried about something happening during holiday events that will be hard, be sure to plan an exit strategy. Sometimes it’s being around toxic family members, sometimes it’s being around drinks when you’re trying to be sober, and sometimes it’s seeing spouses or families simply enjoying this time of year. Each of those things can lead to heartache, so you are allowed to remove yourself if things get hard. Plan an excuse to get out of an event beforehand in case something happens. It might even be helpful to set the scene and tell people, “I may have to leave early,” or “I may get called into work,” to help make it easier to leave. This will make it less awkward if you need to make a getaway from something that is hard to handle.

Find Something You Enjoy

When this time of year is hard for you, help yourself by finding something about it that you enjoy. Maybe this time of year is hard, but you love the snow, helping others in need, or watching Christmas movies. You might try diving into more snow sports like skiing or snowshoeing to help you with something you enjoy during this time. Not only can it help when things get hard, but exercising in nature can also help with things like occupational burnout or helping to combat seasonal affective disorder.

If you love helping others, you may make this time of year into a tradition of giving by adopting a family or buying gifts for charity. If you can’t think of many things you enjoy, try to find something you haven’t done yet to find the thing about this time of year that you do enjoy.

Be Kind to Yourself

More than anything, it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time of year. Sometimes there’s nothing particularly triggering about the holidays, but things seem to be difficult anyway. This can be due to added stress, being stretched too thin, or spending more time comparing your situation to someone else’s. Be kind to yourself by managing your expectations and making your mental health and self-care a priority. Commit to one holiday party instead of all of them, suggest another family member hosting this year, or stay focused on unplugging from social media altogether. If it’s too hard to take an active part in the holidays, forgive yourself for that. The holidays are hard for many people, and it’s okay if your holiday season doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

Though the holidays are magical for some, others feel the weight of expectations. They are expected to buy a big gift, attend the parties, be around family, and act as though this time of year is a blessing. For some, that’s just not how it feels. It feels heavy and fake. It feels stressful and overwhelming. It feels emotional and difficult. If the holidays are hard for you, rewrite the hard parts. Get out of town, create your own traditions, plan an exit strategy, find something you enjoy, and be kind to yourself. Hold on tight until this time of year has gone by. Until then, utilize some of these tips to help you get through it.