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Who Have You Made Smile Today?

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Smiling Cat My husband and I were driving through a beautiful little Kentucky town yesterday morning (on our way to another beautiful little Kentucky town) when a church sign caught my eye. It said, “What have you done to make God smile today?”

After I spent a little time alone with the obvious Spiritual lesson, my Self Help brain cells grabbed the question and devoured it. 

We get so busy, don’t we?  We’re busy going here, going there, doing this, doing that, wanting this, wanting that.  Sometimes we create such a blur with our actions that the important things in life (the really, really important things) get lost in the haze.

Something to remember about the really, really important things in life:  They aren’t things at all.  They’re people.   They’re the ones who make you the maddest you’ve ever been one minute, then turn around and make you the happiest you’ve ever been the next.  The people who make you make  laugh and make you cry.  The people who make you ask, “How can I live with this person another second?” while you know in your heart life without them wouldn’t be worth getting out of bed for.

Our loved ones – God love them – why can’t they be perfect like us?

We could each ask the question the sign did, multiple times – replacing God’s name each time with people in our life.

  • What have I done to make my husband smile today?
  • What have I done to make my wife smile today?
  • What have I done to make my daughter smile today?
  • What have I done to make my son smile today?
  • What have I done to make my mom smile today?
  • What have I done to make my dad smile today?
  • What have I done to make my brother smile today?
  • What have I done to make my sister smile today?
  • Etc..

Here’s a little thought: 

Think of the one person you strive to make smile the most (I’m hoping.. I’m really, really hoping… that isn’t yourself! But if it is, so be it.).  Now ask yourself this question, “How amazing would all of my relationships be AND how amazing would my entire world be if I treated everyone like I do this person?”

Why should one (or 2 or 3) people get all of your best while everyone else shares the rest?

I think it’s something siblings should think about, particularly.  They complain about their relationships, yet if the one complaining would stop and ask, “What have I done to make _____ smile today?” – they’d stop griping and start grimacing.

My oldest daughter (Emily) was leaving for work today, in pouring down rain.  She noticed that a delivery service had left a delivery for her youngest sister on the gate that leads to our house.  Although it was in a plastic bag, it was still taking a pounding.  She got out, saw the name on the bag, and saw the shape of the package.  It was obviously a poster – in a tubular cardboard container. 

Emily could have stayed in her car in the first place and called me.  If she’d told me there was a package hanging on the gate, I could have gotten to it in just a few minutes.  But she got out (again, in the rain) and drove back with it.  She even watched as Steph opened it (a High School Musical Movie poster she’d won). 

She made herself a wet rat, but she made her sister smile and her mom smile even more.  I just love it when people think of others before they think of themself.  It’s just all kinds of cool.

If you’re looking for the number one way to make your life better – begin focusing on making other people smile. Pure and simple. The brightness of their smiles will light up your world so much you’ll never let them fade away.

A Lesson on Tolerance That Can Help You With All of Your Relationships

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This morning, while lying by Alexa’s cage, I started thinking about human character flaws. I say human to clear up any misconceptions that I meant cat character flaws, because they haven’t any. If you don’t believe me, ask a cat.

I came up with a theory (yes, another one of my kitchen floor theories).

You know, generally speaking, we’re all like coins in that we each have a “flip side.” You can think of any bad trait or character flaw in an individual and, moments later, think of a “flip side” of that negative.

Here are a few illustrations to show you what I’m getting at:

  • The husband who is so laid back that he never picks up after himself is often the same husband who’s kind nature makes life more pleasant.  Socks on the floor?  The flip side of the man who laughs about having to get a bumper fixed.  Again.
  • The vain college student who literally panics if a hair gets out of place is often the same girl who will land on the honor roll because of the same level of perfectionism. She’ll also be a wonderful employee because she accepts nothing but the best from herself.
  • The individual who gets angry so fast that it alarms you is often is the same person who is filled with so much fight that they often amaze themselves with what they’re able to accomplish. 
  • The father who seems to be on his son’s case constantly often pushes that son further than he would have gone under his own steam.
  • The son or daughter who is so strong-willed that you want to scream will be the same strong-willed individual when the situation calls for it.  As a mother of three daughters, I don’t hate on strong wills – I embrace them.
  • The wife who’s husband thinks is too easy going is the same wife who never has been – and never will be – a nag.  If he comes home late for dinner, he won’t be handed his backside along with his napkin and the potatoes will be the only thing that’s cold.
  • The doctor who consistently keeps you waiting is busy giving quality time to another patient.  The same quality time you’re about to receive.
  • The person who is so anal that you stare at them in disbelief is often the same person who the word spotless was created for. 
  • And the person who you complain about never being serious?   Keep that person nearby!  Their flip side will make you live longer… and better.

You see what I’m driving at.  If we all try (and some times are harder than others) to look at someone’s “flip side” – we’ll discover that the good often balances out the bad.  That doesn’t mean we have to applaud the negative, but acknowledging the positive on the other side will help us tolerate that which we loathe with a passion.  Especially if it’s our own flip side we’re looking at.  Self tolerance is a good thing, right?

It helps to keep flip sides in mind when dealing with everyone.  It also helps to remind yourself that no one is perfect.  The only person who was perfect was tortured and killed. Others who flirtted with perfection didn’t fare much better.  One young man, with a very snazzy coat, was sold into bondage by his own brothers (Joseph), one brave young woman was a slave for a great part of her life and suffered greatly as a result of having an iron thrown at her head (Harriet Tubman), one prayer warrior was thrown ino a lion’s den (Daniel), one very gentle man was beheaded (John the Baptist), and one was shot in the head while trying to enjoy a play with his wife after saving his country from itself (Abraham Lincoln).

I’m not so sure we should want perfect-ish people anywhere near us?!?!

Let’s be happy with the colorful, deliciously fascinating people we have around us. Keep in mind that we give them just as many reasons to look for flip sides as they give us. Besides, they keep life interesting and, if we’ll be honest, they give us many more reasons to smile than to frown. Be tolerant of others and embrace their individualism. Remember, when they let down their guard and are “themself” around you, it’s the greatest compliment you’ll ever receive.

Have a great, relaxing Sunday – and may your team win… Unless they’re playing the Bronco’s. Then, I wish nothing for them except abject humiliation. 😉

Quotes About Finding Faults With Others

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When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick. – Bill Lemley

That which we call sin in others is experiment in us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all have weaknesses. But I have figured that others have put up with mine so tolerantly that I would be less than fair not to make a reasonable discount for theirs. – William Allen White

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. – Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Speak not against anyone whose burden you have not weighed yourself. – Marion Bradley

Only God is in a position to look down on anyone. – Sarah Brown

Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales. – Byron J. Langenfield

What we all tend to complain about most in other people are those things we don’t like about ourselves. – William Wharton

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. – Benjamin Disraeli

Other people’s faults are like bees – if we don’t see them, they don’t harm us. – Luis Vigil

The less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudices. – Clint Eastwood

Every bigot was once a child free of prejudice. – Sister Mary De Lourdes

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Matthew 7: 1-3

For more motivational quotes, click the link!

How to Strengthen Your Mindset – Part 2

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Continuing  Self Improvement 101: How to Strengthen Your Mindset…

As I pointed out in the last post, the area I, personally, had the least amount of confidence in was my wardrobe. When I have extra money to spend, one of my “passions” simply doesn’t include clothes.

However, I’ve decided that each month, I’m going to add at least one item of clothing to my wardrobe – in between the kitchen gadgets I can’t live without and the Bath & Body Work’s lovelies that steal my breath away, I’ll grab purple and pink sweaters (my fave colors), and whatever they seem to want to pair up with.

Like most situations, improving one’s self confidence in the area of “dress” can’t be accomplished overnight.  It’s something that has to be improved upon over a course of time.  But the simple act of moving in the right direction makes you feel 100 percent better.

The same can be true for the other categories we looked at.  Below are a few tips for shoring up our confidence in each.  And remember, even if you gave yourself a 10 in a category, it doesn’t mean you should forget about it.  We should take every bit as much care in protecting our 10’s as we do in raising our other numbers.

Relationships

If your confidence level with your relationships isn’t a 10, being aware of it (which you now are)  is a huge step in the right direction.  The next step is to ask yourself, “What’s my role in this relationship’s failure to rank a 10?”

Before even thinking about the other person/people in your relationships, take a little look inward first.  If you’re lucky, you’ll be the main problem in the situation – I say lucky because you can fix you!

1. If you’re one of those people who expect too much from people, knock it off… like, yesterday.  No one wants to be around someone they feel looks down on them.  They’ll resent it AND you.  Even if you mean nothing but the best – you may be too controlling and domineering.  This is especially a problem in the workplace, but it can extend to your relationships at home.

The problem is, many people fall into a routine.  They get so accustomed to treating people a certain way and so used to not showing people respect that they think it’s a way of life.  That it’s their right, even!  Then, a few years go by and people at work avoid them, they walk into the office and the laughter dies (talk about your modern day Grinches), their kids avoid them at all costs – leaving the house when they come home, coming back home when they leave, etc.

2. If you nag – stop.

3. If you worry too much – dial back.

4. If you yell – shut up.  (Sorry, I hate yelling.)

5.  If you harp – get a new tune.

6.  If you bully – get a life.  (Yeah, I hate bullies, too.)

The funny thing is, I believe most people who have traits that get in the way of their relationships are fully aware of these traits.  I don’t think bullies, nags, screamers, or worry warts are oblivious to their own charms.  I think they KNOW they’re this way and are afraid to change.  Do they like being the way they are?  Probably not.  But they think that backing down (or off) will set them up for disappointment or pain.

The problem is, until they change the way they are, disappointment and pain are all they’ll ever know – they’re simply sharing the wealth,  i.e. – making everyone miserable.

Just a little special note to men and women in relationships (from someone who has been very happily married for 25 years, come February):  If you are miserable to be around, he/she will find someone who isn’t.  If being around you makes them uncomfortable or unhappy – it won’t be long before they tire of the feelings.

If you’re one of those people who “picks” at people, think of the mosquito.  He gets swatted for his efforts, and in one way or another, you’ll meet with a similar fate.

[shareable]Don’t be a ‘mosquito person,’ picking at people until they want to swat you away![/shareable]

Conversation and Written Communication

If you lack confidence in either one of these areas, don’t despair – they’re pretty easy to improve upon.  The best advice?

  • Be yourself
  • Practice makes perfect
  • Fake it until you make it

First of all, when writing or speaking – just be you.  I don’t just practice this when writing, speaking, or living – I immerse myself in it entirely.  Maybe it’s stubbornness, I don’t know.  But I look at it like this:  I may not be perfect, but I am aware of who I am and what I want to say.  I know what makes me happy and I know what I believe in.  I know what makes me smile and what makes me cry.  I will put pictures of animals all over my self help website even when others suggest that it makes it look like a wildlife site.  I will not hesitate for one second to say that I’m a Christian and that the Bible holds the answer to every single question we’ll ever have.   When writing on my blogs (or e-mail, or articles, etc.) I may start a sentence with “And..”

Look out… rebel on board this train!

Hold on firmly to who you are and to what makes you… well… you.

I guess it comes down to being comfortable with who you are.  When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you won’t care who sees it.  You’ll adopt an attitude of, “If you get me, fantastic!  If you don’t get me, Best wishes!”

Be you.

Some will get it, some won’t.  There are some people who don’t like Shakespeare, the Eagles, country music, Halle Berry (I don’t even want to know these people), John Grisham, etc…

The best way to improve your conversational or writing skills is to practice.  Whether it’s conversational or written communication – simply do more of it.  Talk up people who you’d normally simply say, “Hi” to.    Ask questions, be interested, and look them in the eye.  I’d recommend reading, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by the great, great, great Dale Carnegie.  Although it was written many years ago, it reads as though it had been written last year.  It’s a great book and will increase your confidence by proverbial leaps and bounds.

When it comes to written communication, practice is especially helpful.  I wouldn’t even want to guess how many words I typically type in a day.  I do know this, though:  A few times in my life where I found myself separated from words for a few days (like when my mom unexpectedly died or when I had the flu from hell) I found that the flow of writing got rusty.  By contrast, it seems that the more I write, the more I’m able to write.  The words practically run over themselves trying to get out fast enough.  That’s why you’ll sometimes find typos or little boo boos.  I know how to spell and pride myself on my grammar and knowledge, it’s just that sometimes my brain gets ahead of my hands – even though they type furiously trying to keep pace.

I read a blog post by a blogger not long ago that said, basically, “This is harder than I thought it’d be.. This is my last post.”  The hard part is that most people either don’t have the time to spend writing daily or they don’t have time that they’re willing to give up for writing.  It’s literally something you have to work on regularly if you want to have a good relationship with words.

They’ll leave you in a heartbeat if you make them feel like second class citizens.

As for the last tip – Fake it until you make it – it’ll serve you well until you reach a 10.  When talking to someone, act as though talking is what you do for a living.  Take on the persona that you’re a cross between Larry King and Oprah Winfrey.  When you write, write as though you’re an author with a fan base worthy of Stephen King, Nicholas Sparks, Barbara Taylor Bradford, Dean Koontz, and Maya Angelou.

All put together.

Appearance

Finally, if confidence in your appearance – for whatever reasons… I mean, I think you look great – is cause for concern, ask yourself, “Why?”  Then, ask yourself “How?” and “What?”

Why do I not feel fabulous?

How can I make myself feel better about the way I look?

What is the first thing I need to do?

If you aren’t in love with your hair, change it.  If you feel overweight, first of all make sure there isn’t a medical reason and, when cleared, start walking for 30 minutes every day and cut back on the calories you take in.

If you feel underweight, I despise you.  Kidding. Sort of.

Seriously, if you feel underweight – make sure there isn’t a medical reason, first.  Then, if you’re thin simply because you’re thin (grrrrrr), consider putting on a little muscle.

Either way, joining a gym or finding a great author who deals with your particular subject will help a great deal.

Personally, I don’t think size matters.  I find very thin rock musicians, large football players,  tiny little fashion models, and full-figured divas all to be beautiful.  One size doesn’t fit all and doesn’t look good on all.  The trick is being happy with who you are.  Confidence is a gorgeous, glorious thing.

In summary (how pretentious was that?):   Find the areas in which you don’t feel as confident as you should.  Vow to work on improving yourself in those areas.  Adopt the mindset of improving yourself and the way you feel about yourself.

mindset – noun
1. an attitude, disposition, or mood.
2. an intention or inclination.

Once you feel good about who you are and where you’re headed, there’ll absolutely be no stopping you.  There’s a great deal of power in having an optimistic attitude and mood – you’re liable to find doors opening for you that you didn’t even know existed.   What’s more, you’re relationships will be so amazing, that you’ll never have to walk through these doors alone!

Self Improvement 101 – How to Strengthen Your Mindset

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Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Now, there’s a question you’ve probably read or heard a thousand and one times. You probably even answer the question most of the time.

But, why exactly, do people in the self improvement industry find this question to be so vitally important? And why is your answer even more important?

It all comes down to one of my favorite words: Mindset. Consider the definition from Dictionary.com:

mindset – noun
1. an attitude, disposition, or mood.
2. an intention or inclination.

….an intention or inclination. According to it’s own biography, your mindset will, ultimately, carry you to one of three places: In the right direction, in the wrong direction, or in no direction.

[shareable]Your mindset will, ultimately, carry you to one of three places: In the right direction, in the wrong direction, or in no direction.[/shareable]

If we are optimistic and positive, our mindset will take on a “I can do it!… I must do it!…” attitude. However, if we give in to doubts and insecurities and are pessimistic, our mindset will have more ????s than !!!!s – and that’s never a good thing.

I mean that’s never a good thing!!!

Pessimists will be doomed by gloom – unless they recognize the problem and change their mindset.

We are no greater than our weakest thoughts, no stronger than our gravest doubts and we’ll go no further than our chains of insecurity allow us to.

If we are the walking, talking result of our mindset (and we are), how important must it be to get our optimistic thoughts in line?

Interactive Exercise

Grab a pen and two sheets of paper. You guessed it – here comes a self help exercise.

At the top of one paper, write “WHERE I AM” and at the top of the other page write “WHERE I’M GOING.”  Divide the “WHERE I AM” page into categories and write one of these six headings in each:

  1. APPEARANCE
  2. CONVERSATION
  3. WRITTEN COMMUNICATION
  4. RELATIONSHIPS
  5. KNOWLEDGE
  6. WARDROBE

Without “over thinking,” go through each one and rate your level of confidence.  1 being, “I am all over this one!  Seriously, this is my thing.”   A 10 would indicate an area where you feel you are extremely weak – an area that makes you want to hide in your room and eat soup.

Don’t try to talk yourself up a number or down a dumber – just go with your gut feeling.  I promise not to look.

After you’ve written your numbers down, go to the “WHERE I’M GOING” page.  Start with your lowest number:  Write the lowest number and its heading down.  Then you’re going to brainstorm and come up with ways to make that number higher.

For example: My lowest number was “wardrobe.”  I’ve got more confidence in my pajamas than most of my clothes.  The reason for this is simple:  I’m just not that into clothes.  I LOVE purses, jewelry, perfume, but clothes?  Whatever.  Maybe it comes from being a mother of 3, a cooking addict, or from being such a homebody – I’d just MUCH rather spend money on my girls, cats, kitchen, or pretty things for the house.

When I wrote down my tiny little numberical score for wardrobe, I thought, “Girl, it’s time to start dressing yourself in a way you’ll feel good about.”

When I was in high school and college (pre-babies, pre-kitchen gadgets, pre-throw pillows, pre-astronomical grocery bills…), I loved clothes.  I had more Calvin Klein jeans than Brooke Shields, and shoes in every color.   Most of the workers in the mall stores knew me on a first name basis.

Back to your second piece of paper – Keep going, until you’ve gotten to the good stuff – your highest numbers.  When you get to those, don’t just write, “Keep on keeping on, baby…”  Think of ways to challenge yourself to keep growing in that area.

That way, when you start concentrating on bringing up your weak areas, your strong ones won’t suffer.

Example: If you give yourself a 10 for your knowledge, challenge yourself to start reading more than you do now.  It could be as simple as one of the following:

  • Find an educational program each week on the Discovery Channel or History Channel to watch.
  • Subscribe to a great new magazine.   My favorites are SUCCESS, Psychology Today, National Geographic, Time, Newsweek, American Heritage, Discover.  My husband gets a couple of interesting historical magazines:  Civil War Times and America’s Civil War.
  • Dig that library card out of your wallet or billfold and let it see the light of day again. Check out a wide variety of fascinating books.. and read them cover to cover.

When you come face to face with a category in which you scored below 6, asking yourself “why?“ will help you figure out what you need to do.  If you aren’t as confident in, say, appearance as you’d like to be, ask “Why?”  A new hairstyle, new makeup, or new relationship with food may be in order.

The point is… begin moving in the right direction – one step at a time.

In the next post, I’ll write more ideas for higher numbers in the other categories.  I have to take my cat, Alexa, to the doctor right now.

Hmmm, now what will I wear?

Part 2: Strengthen Your Mindset