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Meet Stanley the Cat

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I just wrote a book review on my cat blog and I wanted to share the book with you as well. (You can click through the link to learn more about this delightful book.)

Lessons from Stanley the Cat: Nine Lives of Everyday Wisdom is the little book in question. Basically, this book is a loving tribute to the author’s cat, Stanley, served up with endless warm humor and love.

You might think this wouldn’t be a “fit” for Self Help Daily, but – to be fair – you aren’t familiar with Stanley yet.

This book is a clever collection of lessons we can learn from cats. As a cat lover who has been surrounded by incredible cats her entire life, even I never fully realized all they have to teach us!

Below is one of my favorite “lessons.”

Do not be intimidated by bigger people or creatures. Be amused by them, and let them know that your curiosity is more powerful than their size.

People who carry big sticks and stomp loudly are usually trying to cover up for some major sense of inadequacy. You are not your physical size; you are the size of your character. When you are around people or creatures that make a huge point of demonstrating their physical proportions or material largesse, simply be entertained or even amused by their exaggerated performance.

If you can enjoy their inflated self-importance, they will probably relax because you are accepting them and making them feel secure. Then you might get a word in edgewise. – Page 35, Lessons from Stanley the Cat: Nine Lives of Everyday Wisdom

I love the way the author (Jennifer Freed) words that: “physical proportions or material largesse.”  So many people do love to try to lord over others by emphasizing the size of their body or bank account. While they can drive you crazy and sometimes make your blood boil, she and Stanley make an excellent point.  What if they emphasize these traits so strongly – and often exaggerate them – because they fear that it’s all they’ve got?!

The book is filled with wisdom like this, accompanied by some of the most adorable illustrations you’ve ever seen in a book. I highly recommend this one. HIGHLY!

Seduction is just the practice of artful stretching.
Never let people know how fast you are. Appear slow in all things, and less is expected of you. When someone is on the computer too long, help them by distracting them, or walk lightly on their keyboard.

So advises Stanley, a remarkably astute cat with a keen eye for the important things in life. Perhaps you don’t have time for yoga, can’t afford therapy, or wouldn’t dare cry to mother. If so, let Stanley be your guide. Lessons from Stanley the Cat offers wise and witty maxims from Stanley himself, translated by his doting psychotherapist (human) parent, Jennifer Freed. Whether you’re a cat lover or prefer companions of the canine variety, Stanley’s warmth and insight are sure to brighten even the grayest days.

Lessons from Stanley the Cat: Nine Lives of Everyday Wisdom would make a perfect gift for cat lovers in your life.  It’s a very, very fun little book and surprisingly insightful.

Then again, how could it not be? It’s Stanley after all – he’s the cat’s meow.

8 Ways to Cheer Up a Colleague

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The difference between success and failure is a great team – that’s why it’s so important to treat your colleagues as a family and help them cope with difficult periods in their lives.

But how can you help somebody other’s bad mood, problems, and bad luck? What should you do if your colleague is stressing about a deadline, going through a breakup, or is worried because of boss’s reprimand?

Try these 8 simple ways to cheer them up in any situation and turn any frown upside down:

  1. Just Ask Them If They Want Your Help

Before taking any actions, make sure that your colleague is ready to accept your help. Though being rather obvious and simple, this rule is often being neglected that leads to major negative consequences.

Remember that every human being is unique and the way they cope with stress also differs a lot: some will welcome your advice or positive team quotes, while others will want to handle the situation on their own.

So… the first thing to do is to get the permission to cheer them up. Just ask your colleague: “Can I help you?”, “Can we talk about it?”, or “What would you like me to do for you?” and the solution won’t be so blurry anymore.

  1. Leave Them a Little Note

Give a mini makeover to their boring desk and put a cute bouquet of flowers on it, or leave a note with a lovely working together quote to show how important they are for you, or just draw a funny smile on a post-it-note.

No matter, how big your “note” is, it surely shows how much you care and how important they are to your office family.

  1. Have a Chuckle

“Laughter is the best medicine” – people say, and they’re totally right, as numerous surveys have already proved the beneficial effect of laughter on physical and mental health.

Help your colleague to have a good laugh when going through their hard times, as it does heal. Use puns, jokes, sarcasm, funny teamwork quotes, or set a joke contest between yourself and your colleague to help them crack a hearty smile.

  1. Ask Open-Ended Questions and Be a Good Listener

Sometimes it’s enough just to speak out to feel a huge relief. If your colleague is not a people person and can’t share their feelings freely, that makes a situation more complicated.

In this case, asking open-ended questions is the way to enable the flow of ideas – you don’t really need to talk a lot, just show your interest and listen carefully.

  1. Share a Walk

Besides numerous health benefits, walking also is a great stress-relieving and meditative activity. So, don’t miss this opportunity to cheer up your colleague by sharing a relaxing walk and a friendly talk, especially since it’s absolutely free and doesn’t require any extra preparations.

Also, consider going to the cinema or theatre, hanging out in the club or eating out in the park, drinking coffee at the café or going shopping – make sure that you chose the activity they enjoy and act.

  1. Give Them a Hug

A simple hug and a friendly smile can break the ice and make another feel much better. Hugging is especially helpful when you don’t have the right words.

Moreover, a recent research shows that hugging causes the release of oxytocin, a chemical known as a natural stress reliever.

  1. Involve Other People

Tell other colleagues some good things about this person – in other words, spread a good rumor, make people talk about them positively.

Join to those “gossips” and tell your colleague that you’ve heard Jacob telling Mary he likes the way they dress.

This atmosphere of good rumors will definitely cheer your friend up.

  1. Motivate Them with Powerful Positive Team Quotes

Wise bosses often begin or end a huddle by sharing a working together quote ‘cause they know that it’s a very effective way to cheer up their workers. So, just do the same thing – share an influential quote to inspire your upset colleague and give a little push.

Here are some awesome quotes from world-known successful people that will support and motivate your friend:

  • Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles. – Charlie Chaplin
  • Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much. – Helen Keller
  • The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team. – Phil Jackson
  • Making mistakes is better than faking perfections. –
  • If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself. – Henry Ford
  • The best teamwork comes from men who are working independently toward one goal in unison. – James Cash Penney

Strengthening Friendships in the New Year

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Accept Your Friends for Who They Are

by Brooke Faulkner

New Year’s Day and the first couple weeks of January are perhaps the best metaphorical page turn ever created. It’s a time to reflect on the last year, learn from the missteps, and make resolutions to avoid the same mistakes. A common resolution involves letting go of relationships that aren’t adding to your life and strengthening the relationships that do add to it. If you’re someone to whom the latter applies, here are some ideas for ways to build up those friendships and start new friendships off right.

The Importance of Friendship to a Full Life

Interpersonal communication is a huge part of everyday life. It is an important part of social well-being to have people you feel connected to who understand and support you. A supportive friend group has a positive impact on mental health in reducing stress and helping to cope during difficult times. It’s important to be a good friend, but also to make sure the needs on both sides of a friendship are being met.

This is done through mutual respect and understanding. Depending on the personalities involved in a friendship, maintenance of friendships can often go neglected. It’s important to nurture friendships with trust and open communication, and this is not something that is done without effort. There is no school for learning to be a good friend, and it’s not knowledge that people are born with.

Make sure to accept your friends for who they are and vice versa. That’s the point of being friends. Bernard Baruch, an American financier and philanthropist, once said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” If someone doesn’t appreciate your personality, they’re not a good candidate for your friendship. For more insightful quotes about friendship, look here.

Maintaining Friendships

It can be difficult to maintain friendships with people you don’t see regularly. If you’re new to an area, look for ways to meet potential new friends. Finding people you share interests or ideals with will help ensure that there is some common ground for friendship.

It can also be easy to maintain friendships from a distance if you communicate regularly and try to see each other when possible. Getting new friends and old friends together for a fun and inclusive housewarming party is a good way to reintroduce people to your life and rekindle some friendships. This helps old friends understand the changes in your life and will put a face to the new people you’re talking about. This is also a good way to grow your friend group by helping create more mutual friends.

Addressing miscommunications can be a difficult aspect of maintaining relationships—new, old or distant. However, when we go out of our way to show that we care about the friendship by talking about the problems that will inevitably arise, it opens dialogue for understanding and creates an environment where relationships can grow. Meet new people, throw that party, and push yourself to communicate as openly and genuinely as possible. The new year is a good time to pursue personal growth and strengthen the bonds that are important in life.

 

Are You Being Bullied at Work?

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We all have the right to work in an environment where our contributions are valued, where we feel appreciated and comfortable. But what can you do when that’s not the case?

If you’re unhappy at work, it may be because you’re being bullied. That’s a big word to use when maybe all that’s happened is the odd criticism here and the occasional unfunny joke at your expense there. Are you just being paranoid or could there be more to it? Workplace Bullying

Bullying and harassment at work can manifest itself in many ways. The behaviour may gradually get worse, making it difficult to identify when the invisible line was crossed into bullying territory. And because it’s so difficult to pinpoint, people who are feeling bullied tend to find it harder to concentrate at work, meaning mistakes occur more easily which then makes the situation worse. It can be a vicious circle that has a devastating effect on your working life.

Recognising the bullying behaviour is the first step to taking action to stop it. If you’re not sure whether you’re experiencing bullying at work, here are some clear signs that you should not ignore.

  • You are not being treated in the same way as your colleagues.

Do others receive preferential treatment – days off, special projects, job perks etc – while your requests are routinely turned down without good reason? Do menial tasks always come your way but never your peers’?  Double standards in the office should not be acceptable.

  • You face unfair obstacles at every turn.

While others thrive in their jobs and get promoted, your achievements and progress are hindered at every turn, almost as if someone was trying to prevent you from being successful in the job.

  • You are micromanaged at every turn.

If your line manager and co-workers constantly undermine your choices and decisions without reasonable explanation, they clearly don’t trust your judgment. You, however, have no idea what, if anything, you have done wrong or how you can rectify any perceived problem.

  • Your work is unfairly criticised.

You feel as if you can’t do a thing right. Every feedback is negative, leaving you feeling bad about your performance. No attempt is made to provide encouragement, guidance or training to improve your performance.

  • Your work is disregarded.

As you work on a project, goalposts are moved or the project dropped altogether without anyone bothering to tell you. Your contribution is not recognised nor your opinion sought. It feels as though you don’t exist!

  • You are not given credit for your work.

Similarly, if you have managed to achieve something worthwhile, your efforts are not acknowledged by the management, never mind celebrated, while credit is officially given to others in the company.

  • You are no longer included.

You may no longer be invited to meetings you used to attend, and no good reason is given for any reduced social interaction from co-workers or managers. This may also apply to after-work socialising. Suddenly, you’re on your own.

  • You are being verbally abused.

Are you experiencing negative language, insults or reprimands on a regular basis? Do you find that you’re often the butt of the office joke? Verbal bullying can be quite subtle, but still leaves you feeling left out and ill at ease.

  • Your colleagues are ganging up on you.

Do you find that you are always at odds with other people’s views? It doesn’t seem to matter what the discussion is about, it always ends up with the other sticking up for each other and arguing against you.

  • Your health is getting worse.

Bullying can take its toll on your physical and mental health. Are your energy levels low, do you feel depressed, anxious or moody a lot of the time? Physical symptoms can include eating disorders, sleep problems, rapid heartbeat and high blood pressure.

Workplace Bullying

If you recognise one or more of the above scenarios, you may be experiencing bullying in the workplace. It’s a difficult situation and not one that any employee should have to put up with. Rather than suffer in silence, or resign without resolving the issue, it’s a good idea to confront the problem in a professional manner.

Speak to the individual concerned and explain why he makes you feel uncomfortable – it is possible that he may not even realise he is doing it and will be mortified! If nothing changes, ask for a private meeting with your manager to express your concerns. It helps to have a record of particular incidents and events to refer to. Your manager will be taking your allegations very seriously and should do their utmost to resolve the issue.

If there is still no improvement, you should escalate your complaint to the HR department, if there is one. If all else fails, you can take legal action for compensation, or for the offending person to be removed.

What Do You Argue About On Long Car Journeys (Don’t Get Me Started!)

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Long car journeys can bring out the worst in relationships. No, really, they do.

Dan and I love each other dearly and have been married for over 10 years but somehow, over time, we seem to have fallen into an inextricable pattern of behaviour that rears its head every time we go on holiday by car.

It’s ludicrous, really – we’re both reasonably educated people with plenty of emotional intelligence to see us safely through the ups and downs of a mature, loving relationship. But it all seems to suddenly go out of the window when a long car journey looms.

You would not believe the things you can argue over. By sharing some of our innermost vulnerable relationship dynamics, I am secretly hoping that we’re not the only couple to be fighting over stupid stuff in the car.

Holiday packing

Dan’s idea of packing for a holiday is throwing a toothbrush, a spare t-shirt and some clean pants into a bag 5 minutes before we leave. While I secretly admire his aptitude for spontaneity and his refusal to overthink what may or may not be needed while we’re away from home, I will have been packing for days, for the both of us. It takes a great deal of mutual respect and admiration to maintain domestic peace under these conditions, and it’s easily blown away by seemingly innocent comments such as ‘Do we really need all these bags?’, ‘Did you pack any toothpaste’ or ‘Are you just taking a pair of trainers?’

Setting off

Car fully loaded and fuelled up (his job), house checked and locked (my job), we’re off – except when things take a little longer than planned. Dan will have been keenly checking weather and traffic updates in preparation for our departure. He will have calculated the most convenient route to get us to our destination in minimum time. And he will by now be sitting in the car, probably with the engine running, waiting for me to get a bloody move on. Where’s the hurry? Does it really matter if we get stuck in traffic on the M25 an hour later than planned?

Who’s the better driver?

I gave up arguing for a share of the driving many years ago, chiefly because my blood pressure couldn’t take the well-meant advice that was being freely dispensed by my darling husband whenever I was behind the wheel. Despite an unblemished 20+ year driving record and no points on my licence, some battles are just not worth fighting over. Now, I quite enjoy being in the passenger seat, having given Dan the illusion of being in charge. It means that I get to choose the music (The Jam, not James Blunt – and no Radio 2!) and I dole out the snacks – sometimes we even share a laugh and a joke.

Detours and stop-offs

If you ask me, the trick to long car journeys is being sufficiently relaxed in mind while making steady progress towards your holiday destination. However, if, like Dan, your working life involves a lot of driving, you’re used to getting from A to B as fast as possible. It does rather spoil the vibe when he suggests a Drive Thru McDonalds while I’m looking forward to a leisurely country pub lunch just off the M1. Especially if he then adds insult to injury by suggesting we might go off piste to go and see a business contact near Nuneaton when my earlier idea for a spot of designer outlet shopping at Bicester Village was vetoed!

In-car technology

We should count ourselves lucky that SatNav has done away with the need for paper maps. Just input your destination and off you go – brilliant! It does, of course, presuppose that one has faith in the accuracy of the directions being given as well as the capability to work the damn thing in the first place. Dan has neither, bless him. And while I can set the SatNav to gently guide us on our way in dulcet tones, I do wish the subsequent conversation about where the hell it’s taking us could be just as sweet-tempered.

With the car parked and engine switched off, the storm clouds are gone. We hug, we kiss and marital harmony is restored. Let the holiday begin.

Article provided by Dakota M, a freelance writer partnering with the AA Garage Guide for this and a series of driving issue related articles.