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Be Yourself: Let Them Be Them, You Be You

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Quote About Being Unique

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.  – Johann von Goethe

True story:  When I was on the verge of high school, I was in a department store shopping with my mom and my one of my best friends, Tamra.  We were shopping for back to school clothes and Tamra and I each had a certain amount of money to spend.  I will just go ahead and admit it – I was up to my elbows in the “hot new” and “popular” clothes. Calvin Klein jeans, crazy colored tops, and.. of course… the coolest of the cool shoes.

At some point, I was mid-rant about the price of a pair of jeans when I realized I’d misplaced my buddy. While my mom scampered off to look at something else (and to probably escape my “How can I get everything I simply must have if the price tags are so unfair?? Life isn’t faaaaiiirrr….” meltdown), I went off in search of Tamra. I found her in a section of clothes I didn’t even know existed – inexpensive ones.

She said some sort of nonsense about being able to actually get MORE clothes if she bought CHEAPER clothes.

I’m sure I wondered how she and I were even friends at that point. I mean, what was with this girl?

Trying to save her from herself, I leaned in and whispered something like, “But no one’s wearing these clothes.”

My buddy supreme lit up and said, “That’s why I love them – I’ll be the only one!”

I’d LOVE to be able to say that the early teen version of me had a moment of clarity and tossed down my Calvin Klein’s and pulled out some clothes from Tamra’s goldmine but, alas, I did not. Enlightenment was a word I could probably barely spell, let alone claim ownership of.

We were going to be entering high school for the first time, I was not going to do it in clothes that weren’t all the rage! I would not walk through those doors without the most expensive jeans in the store on my behind!

After about two hours (feeling sorry for my mom yet?), we left the store.  Tamra had more bags than me… more clothes than me.. and even had money left.

I thought possibly she was an alien. I walked out with my bag… yes, BAG.. felling like I had just won the shopping game.

Funny thing, though, my mom went on and on about Tamra’s approach. Praised her as we walked to the car… praised her as we ate the lunch she treated us to… at one point, it hit me that all this “praise” was as much for my benefit as it was her’s.   She kept looking at me as she said words like smart and thrifty.. and something about stretching money.  I’m pretty sure the whole lunch thing was so I could hear about “making the most of your money” and “making it last.” How “clothes were clothes” blah blah blah.

Great. So now I had two aliens.

Oddly enough, over the years I came to realize that… of course… I was the one who “didn’t get it.”  I was too preoccupied with wearing what the other kids were wearing to realize that the greatest thing in life is to make your own way, be yourself, and not worry about who anyone else thinks you should be.

Or what they think you should wear.

The whole enlightenment thing didn’t hit me until I was in my Senior year of High School.

My poor mom.

It finally became clear to me that the coolest thing in the world was to stand out from everyone else… not blend in.

Whether it’s what you wear, how you do your hair, how you walk, how you talk, or any dang thing that makes you you…  don’t let anyone try to re-make you or re-do you. I don’t care whether they think their intentions are great or not.  They don’t have the right. It’s YOUR life.

They have their own.

Truth is, if anyone tries to make you into something or someone you’re not, they’re actually the one with the problem, not you.  If they were completely comfortable in their own skin and at peace with life, they’d have better things to do than worry about your hair. Or clothes. Or anything.

Personally, I cannot imagine taking issue with something personal about another individual. If they’re mistreating someone or putting someone else at risk… sure, I’d have to say something. But if they want to braid garlic cloves into their hair and dress in sackcloth, I’m not going to let it rock my boat. I won’t sit downwind from them, but I’ll let them stink if they want to.

It’s their right.

There’s an old Polish proverb my husband loves, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”  Pretty much I think you could also say it this way: “That’s none of my dang business, so I’m going to just do me!”

Be you…. let them be them.

Life’s better that way.

~ Joi

I am who I am your approval is not needed

 

Be Who You Are, Say What You Feel

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A Peacock Spreads its Feathers at the Alipore Zoo
Peacock
Buy This at Allposters.com

Have you ever stopped to think about the peacock? He doesn’t look like other birds. He doesn’t act like other birds.  He doesn’t put on a facade or try to hide who he is, though. In fact, he downright celebrates it. Each day is a holiday for a peacock because he wakes up as himself.   His self confidence, pride, and even arrogance make him one of of the most beautiful things on earth.  He doesn’t just accept his originality. He doesn’t just embrace his originality.  He struts his originality. Man, I love that.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”– Dr. Seuss

Last night my husband and I were talking a little bit about our daughters. We were, to be quite honest, counting our blessings that the biggest dramas we’ve ever had to worry about with our girls are things like too much self-tanning, not eating enough vegetables, creative use of makeup, and the fact that one of them drives like her mother (okay, admittedly, that’s a pretty big drama). We’ve never had any “huge” worries or problems (drinking, drugs, or even cigarettes) and, believe me, we thank God every morning, noon, and night. We could not have asked for better daughters and our pride in them could light up an entire continent.

After my husband fell asleep, I stayed awake for about 20 minutes – just thinking , while petting Alexa (our diva cat). One of the things I’m most proud of when it comes to my girls is the fact that they are who they are and they say what they think – NO APOLOGIES. Each one is at the steering wheel of her own life and Heaven help the fool that tries to take the wheel out of their hands.

I’ve seen that attempt made and it’s never pretty. There have been casualties and I’m sure there’ll be more.  They learned at an early point in life that if someone can’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t worth your time. As Marilyn Monroe said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Our middle daughter, Brittany, went through a phase where she wore black – as in only black.  Here she was one of the most colorful little girls you’d ever want to be around (colorful personality, colorful sense of humor) and she wore one color. Black. As her mother, I was proud that she wore what she wanted to wear in spite of the ribbing she got from some people.  Deep down I had a lot of respect for this child who decided what she wanted to wear and refused to be swayed.  When shopping for my beautiful girls, at that time, I’d buy yellows, oranges, and reds for Stephany, blues, whites, and more blues for Emily and for Brittany? Black.  I never tried to talk her down off of her black cliff, I simply bought her the cutest black clothes I could find.

I knew it’d pass, but I wanted her to know that I loved her and accepted her for who she was and, what’s more, I respected her choices. Having said that, I did a little happy dance the first day she ran (she never walked, she always ran) through the house wearing an orange t-shirt she’d dug out of the back of her closet.  Emily and I did a double-take at the orange streak. The black phase was officially over.

Developing a strong will in young people may seem counterproductive.  When they’re small, parents want them to “DO AS I SAY” right now and every single time after that. Many parents seem to think the goal is to BREAK their will.  Big, dumb, colossal, stupid mistake.  You want your kids to grow up with a backbone – you want them to have a strong enough will to say NO when the time arises.  When others around them pick up the wrong kind of drink, you want your sons and daughters to pick up the right kind of  drink.

When others around them do drugs, you want your child to head for the door.

In the end, when others tell them, “You’re different.” – You want your little girl or little boy to say, “Damn right I’m different!”

You know me and my obsession with inspirational quotes, right?  It won’t come as a surprise that, when our daughters were little, I had them memorize a lot of great quotes in home school. One of the first ones they ever learned was one of my absolute favorites: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”  Dr. Seuss said these magical words and I never leave home without them.

Be who you are!  Socrates said, “To find yourself, think for yourself.”  More magical words!  Don’t let anyone else think for you. Don’t let them dress you, do your hair, choose your major, pick your job, plan your time, or put words into your mouth.  If you think you have to be someone you’re not to “hold on” to someone, ask yourself if they’re even worth hanging on to.  You don’t want to go through life with a facade on any more than you’d want to go through life with a mask on.

Be you. Stay You. If anyone ever tries to get you to budge, look at them like they have two heads and.. well, quite frankly, neither one does a thing for you.