Quote About Control Freaks
My own personal take on control freaks is this: Avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid. Okay, I know… this isn’t always possible. Sometimes you’re born into the situation, sometimes you marry into the situation, and other times you “inherit” control freaks at school or work.
Like everyone, I’ve been exposed to people who micro-manage (some so much so that it’s more funny than annoying), but they aren’t full-blown control freaks. They know what would happen to them if they ever headed in that direction. I’d make their life absolute hell.
Control freaks are those types of people who have the potential to suck the life right out of you. They make everything in life about THEM and, before you realize what has happened, your entire day and night are spent revolved around what THEY want and what THEY enjoy. You see a movie you’d like to see but instead of getting excited, you think, “I wonder if THEY would want to see this.”
Heck, sometimes the control is so strong, you may even think, “I wonder what THEY would say about me wanting to see this movie?!”
What kind of life is that? Seriously.
The good news is that, like most negative aspects in life, this one can be managed, controlled, and even improved. The first step?? You just took it! When you began reading about the situation and began seeking for a solution, you took the first step. You basically said, “I don’t like this situation and, frankly, I deserve better!”
The second step is to decide whether or not the individual (your own personal control freak) can realistically be confronted. Here’s where it gets tricky. Some control freaks can be reasoned with and the rare (deliciously rare) one will even thank you for pointing out a tendency they were unaware of. Please beware, however, that this type of control freak is extremely, extremely rare. By nature, most will simply want to control the fact that you’re confronting them!
My experience has been that most control freaks don’t believe the problem lies with them whatsoever – it is always, always, always other people who need “fixing,” never them!
One thing to keep in mind if you chose to confront someone about their tendency to try to control others (and situations and, quite honestly, the entire world!) is this – keep your voice calm and your words non-confrontational. If you put them on defense, you will not get anywhere. They’ve trained for this battle their entire life!
If possible, when they come across as controlling, calmly ask them, “What makes you say things like that to me?” or “What would I have to do to make you realize I can _____ by myself?” Many times, when someone is forced to stop and answer a question (as opposed to making a defensive comeback), the lightbulb will go off and they’ll realize, “Hmmm, I LITERALLY just tried to tell another adult how to eat their soup…” (or what to order at a restaurant, how to walk, how to talk, how to breathe, what to think….).
When looking at problems or challenges in life, I’ve always felt that it comes down to two approaches…
- Change what can be changed.
- Live with (accept) that which cannot be changed.
If the control freak in your life is one that cannot be avoided and, frankly, deep down you’d never truly WANT to avoid them…. like a spouse, parent, sibling, or child…. and if they refuse to lighten up, the ball is entirely in your court. You can’t do anything with THEM, so you must focus on YOU and YOUR response. It’s your life, after all, and you deserve to live it as you want to live it, not as someone else wants you to.
It’s your soup, by gosh, and if you want to slurp it in the privacy of your own kitchen…. slurp on! If you want to see something on television, watch it. It is your life, after all, and we are all free to live our own lives and NOT have them lived for us.
The next time your control freak tries to control some minute part of your life, point out to them that you will do it your way and allow the chips to fall where they may… and that you will then pick up your own chips! Point out how much freedom this now gives them – they’re free to concentrate on their own chips and leave yours alone!