empty nest syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome: Do More than Just Cope

April 26, 2012 by Joi 3 Comments

If you’re looking for a new hobby, nothing – absolutely nothing – beats birdwatching.

This is interesting. At least it’s interesting to me. Women tend to prepare and brace themselves for Empty Nest Syndrome years before the last bird has left the nest. I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be two or three “back and forths” into an e-mail relationship when it turns out that the very sad mom I’m talking to still has at least one child at home. The last time it happened, I tried to wrap myself around the fact and I think the explanation is simple: The relationship between mothers and their children is a very intimate one. You can’t spend the majority of your life nurturing, protecting, and caring for a cherished little person without developing a bond that’s stronger than any single member of the justice league.

Because of this bond, a mother knows the pain and sadness that she will experience when “the day” comes. That’s what most of us call it, isn’t it? The DAY. Boom-Boom-BOOM- BOOM (accompanying doomsday music).

It’s sort of like bracing yourself for a flu shot. You focus so much thought and energy on the needle that, before you know it, that thing is 3 feet long. You grimace and tighten your arm because a 3 foot needle is going to hurt like the dickens of all dickens. The problem is, bracing for it makes the pain that much worse.

I’m sure you see where this one’s heading. I’m about as subtle as a 3 foot needle.

When we focus all of our thoughts on “emptiness,” it won’t be long before our room, home, car, or even the very world we live in seem as vacant, quiet, and deserted as a school’s playground in July.

Focus, instead, on what IS – not what ISN’T, and certainly not what you fear will be missing down the road. Remember the 3 foot needle. If you still have children in your home, begin to fill your life, home, and yard with so much that the thought of “emptiness” never crosses your mind. If your nest is already empty (or in the process of emptying!), you haven’t any time to waste, begin filling it immediately.

Even when my husband’s at work and all the beloved young people we love so much aren’t in the house, I never, ever feel alone.

For example, right now I’m the only human in the house. But alone? Far from it. I have two cats sleeping by the back door, one in a chair basking in the sun, and one lying on the desk right in front of me (I have to move her tail out of my way like a billion times a minute… a billion and one). My front yard is filled with birds, oblivious to the chubby sleeping cat two feet away. I put bird seed on the windowsill by my desk, so I have the constant companionship of doves, goldfinches, sparrows, and cardinals.

A squirrel was at his corn station for about an hour and has now ascended to the top of his favorite tree.

Lonely? Far from it!

The only things I’m thinking about at the moment are:

Watching the NFL Draft later today.
Baking a cake.
Getting more birdseed at the store (doves eat more than any teenage boy ever thought about eating)
Updating 3 more websites.
Swamp People is on tonight! Choooot!

Someone who read about how I used to walk every day with a few of my daughters asked me if we still went for our walks and talks. I told her that it had dwindled to a few days a week when we could all walk together. She asked what in the world I did without daily “walks and talks.” I told her, “Silly goose, I still walk and I still talk every day. The only difference is now I’m always right!”

Chaos vs Calm

I think a lot of people (men and women) have trouble rolling with the flow of life. In my opinion, there are different stages of life and to truly enjoy each one, you have to embrace it. Not just accept it, not just hug it… you have to wrap your arms around it and squeeze it like it’s a long lost pet.

When our children are little – even teenagers – we’re at an age and place in life where we “fit” the situation. We’re up to the task! As years go by, we enter the years when we have the luxury of being able to slow down a little. Make no mistake about it, these years don’t mark old age. 40s, 50s, and 60s are far from old age – especially these days. Today they’re like 30s, 40s, and 50s. What a wonderful age in which we live.

To try to illustrate my point, I’ll use a popular (and outstanding) tv series: Parenthood. My youngest daughter Stephany and her boyfriend got me seasons of Parenthood for Christmas. Every now and then, on my lunch break, I’ll pop an episode in and my cat and I laugh, cry, and thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

Zeek and Camille Braverman, played by eternal hotties Crag T. Nelson and Bonnie Bedelia (Ha! My spell-check wants hotties to either be “potties” or “hogties.” To heck with it I’m sticking with hotties. Bonnie Bedelia is not an eternal potty, nor is Craig T. Nelson a hogtie no matter what my software says.). Zeek and Camille have grown children who have children of their own. During just about every episode I’m struck by the stark contrasts between chaos and calm. You’ll have a scene of one of the adult kids rushing to work while dropping off a small child at school… all while battling the dramas of each. Then it’ll cut to a scene of Camille cutting flowers in her garden.

Chaos…. Calm.

You’ll watch as a tense scene unfolds between one of the grown children and her teenage children (cue that doomsday music again!). Drugs, boys, girls, parties… Then it’ll cut to a scene of Zeek in his kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.

Chaos…. Calm.

I happen to be at a place in my life (even if the 40s of today are yesterday’s 30s) when the calm looks infinitely more attractive to me. Infinitely. Is there a word that means infinitely x 2,000? If there is, insert it here.

If you are currently circumnavigating an empty nest or your children are approaching the age where you see it on the horizon, I’m here to tell you that your world will only be as empty as you allow it to become. Fill your time with hobbies, pets, trips, passions, interests, and pastimes. DO NOT focus on what’s missing, focus on what’s there right in front of you. Remember, calm isn’t such a bad thing and quiet is probably the most underrated word in the entire dictionary.

Find things that make you excited to get out of bed in the morning. If you can’t think of anything that has that effect on you at the moment, it’s simply because you haven’t found it yet. Keep looking! One of the secrets to being happy is surrounding yourself with things that make you smile.

Now if you’ll excuse me. That cake isn’t going to make itself and God knows the birds aren’t going to feed themselves.

Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome

March 17, 2011 by Joi 6 Comments

Michael, Brittany, me, and Emily. My mom wanted us to sit still for a few more family pictures by the Christmas tree, but Emily had had her fill of being still! Brittany looks like a little baby bird and Michael looks like he just woke up!

As I wrote not long ago, Empty Nest Syndrome is a popular subject in my e-mail’s inbox. It was a fairly popular subject before I wrote Empty Nest Syndrome: Let’s Bury the Phrase in the Yard, but after the article, it’s a rock star.

Unfortunately, it’s a pretty unhappy rock star.

I love getting e-mail from all of my friends – which is what I consider anyone who actually takes the time to honor me by reading my words. I know I ramble like a Mexican grey wolf through the Sonoran Desert. Sometimes, like el lobo, I probably look like I have no idea where I’m headed… but, give us this – we’re passionate about getting there!

So, for those of you who bear with me, you’re a friend for life and I welcome your e-mails any time. Self Help Daily is different than a lot of other websites and blogs – there are certain topics that some people aren’t comfortable talking about in the comments. I’m always floored by those who throw caution to the wind and open up in the comment’s section – but I know it’s not an option for everyone and every situation.

Three separate e-mails have come over the past 8 days.

The names were different.
The number(s) of children were different.
The details were different.
The “tone” of each message was different.

Yet, in spite of all the differences, the e-mails were more alike than they were different. Pain is pain, no matter how you try to sugarcoat it. Most of the parents I hear from are parents who now find themselves in an “empty nest.” However, I hear from a great number who simply FEEL like the nest is empty (because their kids are away more than they’re home) and from others who know the day is approaching.

Look out, here comes the grey wolf… but aren’t the “approaching days” the worst?! When Emily’s wedding was approaching, each holiday and birthday kind of had a dark cloud hovering above. No matter how hard I tried NOT to, I kept thinking, “This is the last Christmas she’ll be living at home…” or “This is the last time she’ll have a birthday while living with us…” Silly stuff like that. Take it from me, as someone who has lived through it – the approaching days are FAR worse than the the days after the fact. Christmases, birthdays, and other holidays aren’t any different whatsoever. The kids just arrive through another door…. and generally arrive starving, so always have food on hand!

Strained Relationships

There was something extra distressing about the recent e-mails. They went past the “lonely days” and the “echoing silence.” Each of these e-mails had an underlying theme: The overwhelming feelings caused by “Empty Nest Syndrome” had caused relationship problems in their families. The very real threat of this is one of the things that prompted me to write my initial article.

I’m going to primarily address the ladies right now – but I ask that my male friends please continue reading. It’ll help you understand the lady in your life better, as well as her pain.

As mothers, most of us are possessed with an overwhelming feeling of love and devotion the minute we hold our newborn baby. Something happens when we look down into the precious face of our baby girl or baby boy. Internal feelings of love fill us as do feelings of protection. Heaven help the individual who tries to get between a mother and her child! We devote our entire lives to caring for, protecting, and loving this baby. Over the years, our days and nights are filled with caring for them. OF COURSE we have our own lives and OF COURSE we love our spouses just as deeply – but a good mother has a strong tie that binds her to each of her children.

I can’t remember what the exact situation was, but I do remember my husband once telling me that he was very thankful that I was this way. He said he thanked God every day that his daughters had me for a mother. I think most husbands and fathers (if they’re worth their weight!) feel this way. They want the mother of their children to love them with an all-encompassing love.

The power of a mother is a very powerful thing. So is the determination to protect them and care for them. In a way, when the child begins to date, work, and go to college – we kind of feel like we’re “losing” them. That’s utter nonsense, of course, but there is a very real feeling that something is pulling them away from us.

Again – I want to remind you that I’ve been there. When Emily was born, I had just turned 20. I had never held a baby in my entire life. When they placed that little 8 pounds of wiggling pinkness in my arms something profound happened. I was no longer Joi the spoiled only child who listened to Prince and Madonna all day. I was no longer the girl who collected unicorns and loved to shop everyday with her new cute as all get out husband. How my hair looked or whether or not my nail polish and lip gloss matched didn’t matter quite as much.

I was a mommy.

Still am.

I home-schooled all three of our daughters all the way through school. Every hour of my days were filled with little girls… and then teen-aged girls. I loved every second and, yes, they most definitely went by too fast. Someone asked me once if my days were “too quiet” now and my exact answer was this, “Quiet, most of the time… but too quiet? I wouldn’t go that far!”

An interesting life (that’s what I’m calling it today) has actually done something remarkable for me. It has made me incredibly strong. At times when I would be tempted to say that I miss Emily being in her room – I’m able to swallow the words and come up with something better. You see, saying these things to our children serves absolutely no purpose at all.

Saying these words to our spouses serves no purpose at all. Giving our pain a voice only hurts the people we should never, ever wan to hurt.

When we first held our children in our arms, our number 1 thought was to protect them from harm. We positioned our arms and hands with the utmost of care – just to make sure their heads rested easily. Sometimes it caused a crick in my neck but I didn’t care – as long as my little pink ladies were comfortable! Did you ever have a toddler fall asleep in your lap and want desperately to move? Whether it was a leg that had gone to sleep or an itch you couldn’t reach, all you wanted to do was move that child and reclaim mobility!

And yet you didn’t.

Our children are still our children – just taller, hopefully wiser, and usually hungrier. These are still our babies and it’s still our responsibility to protect them – yes, even at our own inconvenience. Is it easy? Not even remotely! But please try to picture yourself with your child as a toddler – asleep in your lap. What mattered most THEN is what matters most NOW: The happiness of your little girl or little boy.

When we come across to our children as lonely – or make them feel like they’ve hurt or abandoned us – it hurts them. They may react with anger, but what they’re feeling is pain. A pain they don’t know what to do with because “mom” had always been the strong one.

I was thinking about my own parents a few nights ago. I was 19 when I got married and moved several states away. Their only child… a very spoiled little girl, at that… was headed off many miles and many hours away. I know they experienced a lot of pain and worry. Sometimes I could hear it in their voices on the phone and I’d have to hurry off the phone before they realized I was crying.

I remember after we’d been married (and moved) for about a month, my mom called. I could hear excitement in her voice as she talked about a new camera my dad had bought. He was taking up photography and was taking pictures of everything and everyone! She was excited for him and she said she’d started taking up a few crafts. She was going to paint the living room and the paper the bathroom – and she was so excited about everything, I could hardly keep up with her.

When I got off the phone, I felt like the world had lifted off of my shoulders. My mom and dad were okay. They were happy, excited, and living their lives. I felt so happy, I couldn’t sit still and the smile on my face was in no hurry to fade.

Your children and your spouse need you now more than ever. Never think for a second that any part of an empty nest is easy on good ole dad! In fact, he has compounded problems – he misses his child, he worries about the child (all of those crazy “dad worries” like gas, insurance, dead bolts, strangers…), and he worries about his wife. Truth be told, I’m sure in many ways he misses her too. Please do your loved ones – and yourself – a huge favor and find your will to live and your desire to be happy again. The smile you see on their face will melt your heart and make you happier than you can imagine.

For those of you who have strained relationships because of this transition of life, you simply have to hit REFRESH. Ever had a web page that refused to load properly? You hit REFRESH and give it a second chance – voila! Everything loads just like it was meant to – it just needed a second chance.

Here’s your second chance. Make a great supper and have everyone attend. Make everyone’s favorite foods! You don’t have to make a big speech – if you’re like me, you’d probably just cry anyway – but if you want to say something, keep it simple, “I’m better now. I love you. Let’s eat.”

Most importantly, just let everyone see you happy – it may be a sight they haven’t seen in a while. Let them see you smile, hear you laugh, and remember just how special their mom/wife is. No doubt they’ve missed you terribly,

A few final thoughts:

The more you dwell on a thought – the more ingrained it becomes. If you keep thinking, “I’m lonely…. I’m lonely… I’m lonely…” – you’re putting the thoughts in cement. Knock that off! Replace the thoughts with, “I’m getting stronger everyday!” or “This is a relaxing and peaceful day!” If you think you can’t change your thoughts, here’s a test for you. Think of a yellow rose. A vibrant, beautiful, big yellow rose. Now think of a red tricycle. Fire engine red. Booyah! You changed thoughts.
Get busy, girl! Take up yoga, pilates, sewing, bird watching, crafts, reading, writing, painting, photography, cooking, or all of the above. Don’t sit around moping and feeling blue. Ask yourself, “Who’s going to want to come spend time with me?!?!” Put a little music on, fill the house with the smell of homemade chocolate chip cookies, and get your groove back.
We’re all as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Families argue. Families sometimes even yell and make one another cry. Once when I was pregnant – with hormones soaring – I threw a Hardee’s hamburger out the window, past my husband who was behind the steering wheel. We were parked at the park, under the shade. The plan was to eat the burgers – not throw them. He looked at the burger as it flew past his face and out onto the ground. I’d never done anything like that before, so I was even more shocked than him. He calmly closed up his burger and turned the key. I asked what he thought he was doing and he said, “Well, you can’t eat that now. I’m going to go get you another one.” It’s exactly what he did. We didn’t talk about the flying burger incident that night or for a long time after that. When I brought it up once, we just died laughing.
Your family isn’t any different than most. Again, all families argue. Remember the “perfect” family from the Blind Side. I wrote about their newest book in a recent article. Here’s a quote from that book: We fight. We make up. And we get over it. That’s what families do. Beautifully said. Even perfect families argue… no biggie.
Nothing is irrevocable or irreversible. As the mother (and, let’s face it, girls – probably the one who caused the stink in the first place!), it’s up to you to dress yourself head to toe in strength. Your child is in your lap and the last thing you want to do is disturb them. Channel your thoughts away from the itch you can’t reach and into the child you treasure.

I know you have the strength inside of you and when you tap into it, you’ll amaze yourself as much as your family. You’ll wear it beautifully.

Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome

October 13, 2008 by Joi 6 Comments

My e-mail’s inbox has been an extremely exciting place lately. It seems that just about everyone has something on his or her mind.

I get a lot of e-mails requesting recipes (through my food blog), advice on caring for an older pet (from people who know we have a 8,548 year old cat named Prissy!), and requests for particular articles, tips, etc. If you’re one of the ones who e-mails me, keep it up! I love, love, love hearing from you. Even the man who suggested that coffee isn’t healthy and that I probably drink too much of it.

I told him I just didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life and that I was praying for him. I explained, of course that I was just kidding… about the first part, anyway.

I’ve gotten several e-mails lately dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome. Thanks be to God I don’t have to deal with that one yet. I actually have a very full nest and cherish every second. Not only are all three of our daughters still at home – most of the time, their boyfriends are here as well. With that many young people around, who needs television? !

However, a few nights ago, I did get a little taste of what an empty next would be like. My husband and all three girls and sons-I-never-had were out. One daughter was working, my husband was out of town, and the rest were exploring haunted houses in a nearby town. The house was so frightfully quiet, my cats and I didn’t know what to do with ourselves. I opted to clean, and the cats went the curl up and sleep route.

Something occurs to me – quiet is alien to me. If I had a magic wand, I’d make our home filled with young people 24/7.

I know that if I hear from several people who are dealing with an issue, many more are out there dealing with the same problem. So I thought I’d post my advice here – such as it is, in the humble hopes that maybe someone can find a little comfort or, at least, some coping advice they can put to use.

First of all, change how you think about the situation.

So many parents refer to this time as a “loss.” It may sound extreme, and I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but the only parent who can truly claim a “loss” is the parent who has lost a child. If your child is living, you haven’t lost anything! Admittedly, it’s a transition, a big one. As I said, my girls are still at home, but I certainly feel the transition. As they grow older, you’re no longer the center of their world. That certainly wouldn’t be normal, would it?! I don’t have ready “co-pilots” for trips to the store or McDonald’s like I once did. The trip’s a solo flight most of the time. I haven’t LOST my girls, though. I know where they are.

Life is full of transitions – and usually they’re transitions we’re certain (at the time) that we’ll never weather. Moving away from home and dealing with homesickness, losing a house, saying goodbye to a loved one, etc. Somehow, we come through transitions time after time. The trick is to keep plowing along and to fight. Never give in to emotions or lose yourself in a sea of sadness.

Don’t get me wrong, you’ll have sad moments. That’s perfectly understandable and you needn’t apologize for your feelings to anyone. Mothers have emotions that no one on earth can even come close to understanding. Someone once said that a mother is only as happy as her saddest child.

Must have been a mother who said it.

We also have a little nastiness known as hormones (Hello, Menopause) – and, as luck would have it, right around the time it hits us that our babies aren’t completely babies anymore is the time our hormones aren’t completely reasonable anymore. They don’t exactly lessen the blow, do they? In fact, they cause each blow to feel 12 times worse. Not. Good.

Add to that the fact that ALAO around this time, a lot of us are dealing with troubling situations with our own parents. For those fortunate enough to still have their parents living, whole new worries and concerns can arise.

An individual doesn’t have a midlife crisis – midlife is a crisis.

To get a “feel” for what many parents go through during this transitional time, I’ve researched message boards, blogs, magazine articles, and, frankly, my own inbox. It didn’t take long to realize that the first thing parents need to do is change the way they look at it. I read so many comments like, “It doesn’t get better…” and “I just keep waiting for the phone to ring..” etc.

Oh, snap!

It WILL get better if you allow it to – and watching for the phone to ring isn’t a good example of allowing it to. That’s a good example of wallowing. Anyone watching for the phone to ring, watching for a car in the driveway, or putting their life on PAUSE for any reason whatsoever needs to snap out of it right away.

Life is too precious to put it on hold.

What you want to do is to create an environment where your child(ren) will want to come back and visit. You DON’T want to create an environment of guilt trips and sadness. They’ll avoid that like a teenage boy avoids showers.

Be happy, be encouraging, be upbeat. Be someone they’ll want to be around, not someone they feel like they HAVE to be around.

Stop thinking of anything as “empty,” whether it’s your house, car, or life. If we dwell on negative words and thoughts, we’ll only be making ourselves miserable. Empty is a negative word – replace it with “peaceful,” “calm,” or “relaxed.” MAKE yourself bury the negative thoughts in the back yard and vow to never dig them up again.

On the night I mentioned above, the first word that popped into my head after about 5 minutes was QUIET. As a mom of 3 lively girls and the wife of 1 lively husband – quiet was quite new to me. I’ll be honest… I din’t much care for it at first.

I turned on a Golden Girls marathon and the “quiet” was soon filled with Rose, Blanche, Sophia, Dorothy, and the sound of my own laughter mixed with my popcorn chewing.

I had my own little party and shhhh, don’t tell anyone… it was awesome! You know how, with kids and husbands around, it seems like you only get to actually see bits and pieces of television shows? My funny bone and I feasted on about 10!

If you can’t embrace the stillness and quiet and enjoy them as “peaceful” and “tranquil,” then do what I did… make your own noise.

Second of All, Examine How You View Life

Don’t make your children (or spouse for that matter) your only reason for being alive. If you do, then you just may be right when you say, “it’ll never get better.” If you don’t have any interests outside of your children, please take care of that problem (and it’s a beaut of a problem) before the day’s out.

Below are just a few ideas:

Start a personal blog. Not only does it give you a creative outlet, it’s a cool way to let others know what you’re up to. Blogger.com gives you all you need to start blogging within an hour of hitting their site. Personally, I wouldn’t advise using Blogger.com for a business blog, but for a personal blog? Why not?
Start a new flower bed. Having a hobby like gardening isn’t just FUN, it’s great exercise. Fresh air, exercise, fun… plus the reward of gorgeous flowers when all’s said and done. I love flower (and herb) gardening. I am the queen of geraniums (pictured above) and herbs and don’t mind patting myself on the back with a dirt covered hand that smells like rosemary. Fill your life with as many things as you can that make you excited and happy. Growing your own flowers, herbs, and vegetables is just so darn rewarding.
Get involved in social media. If you aren’t already on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest, hop in. The water’s fine!
Adopt a pet! Cats, dogs, birds, etc. – they’re nothing if not babies. They’re also a great, great deal of company, enjoyment, entertainment, and an endless source of love. Furry babies (or feathered, for that matter) keep a lot of people sane and fill a void that needs to be filled.
Redecorate your home. Use your extra time and money to totally re-do at least one room of your home. After that’s done, move to the next room.
Take a vacation. Grab a camera and take off for someplace you’ve always wanted to see.
Read more. Choose a great author (my own favorites are Agatha Christie, Dean Koontz, Nicholas Sparks, William Shakespeare, John Grisham..) and make it your mission to read every book they’ve written. I ALWAYS have an Agatha Christie mystery “going” – I read and re-read her mysteries. Great stuff.
Become a Collector. Begin collecting antiques, jewelry, dishes.. Whatever interests you. It’s a great deal of fun to hit up antique shops, thrift stores and even yard sales. I’ve been a collector practically all my life – cookbooks, brass candlesticks, coffee mugs, books, dvds, antique dishes, Liberty Falls houses and figurines, bracelets, earrings, purses… It turns everything from ebay to weekend excursions into treasure hunts.
Watch movies! This is just a fun suggestion – you won’t benefit in any way, I suppose, except for having a good time. Like the “author suggestion,” above, I’ve always liked to take a certain actor or actress and watch everything they’ve been in. At my husband’s choosing, we’ve been watching everything Vin Diesel lately. They’ve actually been fun.
Begin a healthy routine. Start exercising with dvds, walking at the mall, playing tennis, walking your dog, etc. You’ll be doing something healthy for yourself plus activity releases endorphins, those delicious little feel good vibes that make you happy to be alive.
Take up cooking. It’s one of my own favorite things to do in the world. There’s nothing like going to the grocery store, loading up on ingredients, bringing them home, and making great things happen in the kitchen. Of course, it’s all the sweeter if you throw in a Starbucks trip between the reaping and sowing.
Ask for a little help. During the early part of the transition, be frank and honest with your spouse and other people in your life. Tell them that you fully expect to be a “pill” for a month or two and would greatly appreciate a little help with keeping a smile in place. Your spouse could make a special point of coming home for lunch more often – or maybe meeting you for lunch.

Realize that You’re Still Loved and Needed More Than Ever Before!

To realize this, you need to do little more than to think back to when you left home. You missed your parents terribly and probably even felt closer to them than ever before. I know it was true for me. I came to look forward to visits with my mom and dad more than ever.

Thinking back will also cause you to realize you needed them more than ever before as well. I constantly needed something from them – whether it was advice on pruning roses, making gravy without lumps, or what in thunder to do with a corned beef my new husband had just brought home. I burned up the phone lines! I can remember “hearing” their smiles each time I called with another emergency.

I SO totally understand that now.

Finally, Look Beyond Your Nest and Make a Difference.

I saved this one for last, because I think it’s the most important. Not only will it help YOU the most, it’ll benefit others who are truly, truly in a bad place. We all know that there are people and animals in the world who are suffering. Do a little research and find a cause and organization that really speaks to your heart.

Below are a few closest to my own heart:

I don’t mind, and I’ve never minded, being looked upon as someone who thinks they can save the world. Tree Hugger? Fine. Mrs. Do-Gooder? Whatever. When you look outside of your own window and see all that needs to be done, you’ll leave yourself with little time to feel anything but determined. And busy.

Never, ever think of your home as “empty.” Think of it as “full” – full of love, full of fun, full of laughs, full of comfort, and full of good times just waiting to happen. Create an environment that everyone wants to come home to. If you dwell on the negatives, that won’t exactly draw them in, will it?

Keep the pot of coffee on standby, cookies in the cookie jar, throw pillows on the couch, and a big, warm smile on your face.

You’ll have more smiling faces around you than you’ll know what to do with.

One day you’ll find yourself thinking, “Man… I could use a little alone time with just me and Blanche. And Dorothy. And Rose. And Sophia….“

A final thought: Nothing is truly EMPTY if there’s someone or something there. That’s like Common Sense 101. Even if you’re the only bird in the nest at the moment… you have my permission to have a one bird party in that nest.

Let the feathers fly!