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How to Be Happy Again When Smiling is the Last Thing You Want to Do

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Quote About Happiness

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know of no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater their power to harm us. – Voltaire

We have all had our fair share of disappointments, losses, broken dreams, and shattered hopes.   None of us will get out of this life without our “stories to tell.” Whether it’s health problems, the loss of loved ones, broken relationships, personal losses, or (when fate is particularly cranky), a wicked combination of all of the above… none of us are disaster virgins.

If you are reading these words and you’ve recently been dealt one of these blows to your life, take heart.  Life may have knocked you to the ground, but you don’t have to stay there. You can start your climb back to the top starting today – IF that’s what you decide to do.

See, all things in life begin with a decision, a choice.  When life puts the smack down on us, we have a clear cut choice to make:

  1. Stay Down
  2. Get Up

Here’s a simple little plan – one that will help you climb out of the pit and put you firmly on safe ground in no time at all.

  • First of all, decide if you’re going to get up or stay down.
  • If the answer to #1 is get up, keep reading! If you decide to stay down, you can stop reading right now and go back to bed.  Sadly, life will go on without you but you won’t go on without getting up.
  • When you make the decision to “get up,” you’ll instantly feel a little better.  Why?  You’ve taken control of the situation.  Whatever events led you to the  pit may have been completely out of your hands.  But now, you’re back in control of your own life and your own destiny.  When you say, “I WILL GET UP!,” you’re already well on your way.
  • You’ll need strength for the climb. If I had plans, this evening, to go outside and walk for 2 hours, I’d need strength to pull it off (and a couple of miracles, but that’s another story).    I wouldn’t be able to just prance out the door and hit the happy trail as is.  I’d need to make certain I was sufficiently hydrated, well rested, and my body would insist that I”d eaten right during the day.  I’d need STRENGTH for those 2 hours of walking.  The same holds true when we’re trying to get our feet beneath us after a major loss or disappointment.   Determine where you get your STRENGTH from.  Is it from prayer, loved ones, meditation, sleep, coffee, chocolate (!!!), or all of the above?  Yes, please.  Determine where your own personal well of STRENGTH is, grab the biggest bucket you can find, and run (don’t walk) to your well.  Fill ‘er up!
  • Look in the right direction.  Many, many, many, many people make the same mistake after turmoil:  They keep looking back at it.  I did this when I lost both of my parents.  I kept thinking, “What if I’d MADE my mom go to the doctor sooner?…  What if my dad had seen a different doctor…” – that sort of thing.  I spent weeks with these thoughts and they made my recovery from the losses slower and even more painful.  I created, in my mind, a scenario where I could have changed the outcomes – made the losses never happen at all.  Basically, I put myself through hell and it most certainly never brought my mom or dad back.  Quite possibly, a case could be made that I kept them from “resting in peace.”  Why?  Because I couldn’t rest with the loss.  When something happens to us that knocks us down, we have to find a way to rest with the loss.   If we don’t, we just keep reliving the nightmare over and over and over again.  Unfortunately, each time we rehash or relive it, it’s as though it’s happening all over again.  Our mind keeps replaying the emotions and heartache – and each time FEELS the loss all over again.   This is why it’s imperative that we look in the right direction, which is of course FORWARD and not BACK.
  • Find things that make you smile.  That sounds about as simple as scratching an itch, doesn’t it?  But, trust me, it’s something that will help you rediscover life again.   When you’re trying to discover how to be happy and excited about life again, you literally have to make your face smile.  Once it remembers how good it feels to be happy, it’ll want more of it!  Whether this means going to a movie, watching favorite re-runs, reading a good book, or talking with people who always give you a lift – dive right in!  Find reasons to smile and, before you know it, you’ll be smiling without reason.
  • Be active.  Not only is exercise great for your physical and mental health – it’s just as good for your emotional health.   Exercise is a natural antidepressant. Studies prove it:  Exercise reduces stress levels and prompts the body to release chemicals that make you feel good.  Get moving and grooving and let those giddy little chemicals show you the way.
  • Look ahead and keep looking ahead until you arrive safely.  I know I’ve covered this one before, but as someone who has been on the front lines, I can tell you that it’s worth repeating.  Don’t look back at the loss or the disappointment.  I knew a woman over 15 years ago who wanted another child.  She had 2 boys and desperately wanted a baby girl.  She was a very religious and spiritual woman who prayed and longed for a daughter.  She once told me and another woman that she’d spent so many years longing for what she didn’t have that she often wondered if she showed how truly appreciative she was for what she did have.   Don’t ever present yourself with that question.  Don’t look back at a loss.  If you’ve lost a loved one, look back at their life with joy and happiness – not back at the loss with regrets or questions.  If, like the lady in the example above, your loss is the loss of a dream – don’t focus on what you don’t have.  Focus on what you do have.  Remember: If you didn’t have these things, they’d be dreams!

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. – Author Unknown

I know there are people reading these words right now who are trying to find their way out of a pit.  I just want to tell you that you can make it!  I also want to remind you that the climb is worthwhile.  Don’t stay down and don’t give up.  You have far too many beautiful things to see and far too many wonderful things to do to stay on your back in a pit.  Put the loss and the pit in your rear view mirror then put some distance between you and both of them.

The good stuff is up ahead, keep going until you get there.

(More Quotes about Adversity)

61 Ways to Feel Happier During the Holidays

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The holidays can be either the happiest time of the year or the saddest.  For those who have reasons to feel sad (lost loved ones, grown children, divorce, a recent break up, loved ones who’ll be away from home on Christmas…), all of the ridiculously happy faces only add to their own unhappiness – Why can’t I feel as happy as everyone else? If you recognize yourself in this scenario, don’t give up hope just yet.  You don’t have to face Thanksgiving and Christmas with a frown on your face or a tear in your eye.

Below are some suggestions for putting the Happy back in Happy Thanksgiving and the Merry back in Merry Christmas.  A lot of them would actually work for any time of the year – after all, the blues aren’t exclusive to the Holiday Season!

  1. Number one for a reason:  Buy and wrap new toys for the different Toys for Children programs in your area. Find the prettiest, brightest Christmas paper (or bags) you can find and let the joy that they’ll bring to underprivileged children fill your heart and soul.  Think about their little faces lighting up and about the fact that they’ll have something to brag about to other kids about when they go back to school.  Blues? What blues?
  2. Go to your local animal shelter and adopt a couple of new babies! It’s just not possible to be miserable when you’re giving a wonderful new life and home to a couple of precious cats or dogs.  Buy them new fluffy beds, bright food and water bowls, and (of course) toys.
  3. If cats or dogs are out of the question for some reason, head off to a local pet store. You’ll find hamsters, guinea pigs, and a host of little cuties looking for love.
  4. Work a puzzle.
  5. Buy a coloring book and crayons and don’t worry about staying inside the lines.  Extra points if you grab one with Santas, Elves, and candy canes.
  6. Make homemade boiled custard.
  7. Go to Starbucks for a special latte of the season.
  8. Take someone who always makes you laugh out to lunch.
  9. Take a ride around town with the radio blaring.  Sing out loud to each and every song.
  10. Watch It’s a Wonderful Life.
  11. Go up to a department store Santa and ask, “So, what do you want for Christmas?”
  12. Watch re-runs of your favorite sitcoms. I Love Lucy, Sanford and Son, Andy Griffith, Roseanne, Friends… If it tickles your funny bone, give it a chance to do so.
  13. Volunteer.
  14. Make taffy.
  15. Bake sugar cookies  and cut them into wonderful different shapes.
  16. If you have a blog, give it a new look. Change the colors, graphics, or whatever.  Mixing things up can be fun.
  17. Check with a local nursing home. See if it’d be okay to give each resident a cute little snowman or Santa.If you’re allowed to do so, deliver each one personally and visit for as long as they’ll have you. I don’t even have to tell you how much this would mean.
  18. Put up a Christmas tree with the gaudiest, most pimped out decorations you can find! (On a safety note, if you have pets, skip the garland and silver icicles.)
  19. Move that body! Pop in an exercise dvd, ride a stationary bike, or clean house with a vengeance.  Physical activity releases feel good endorphins that’ll have you back in the fa la la la la in no time.
  20. Go see The Blind Side while it’s in theaters. After that, buy the dvd. Also, read about the family behind the movie.
  21. Make a list of the people and things you are thankful for.
  22. Make a list of the people in your life. Now go back and, for each one, think about one of the times they made you laugh out loud.  In no time at all, you’ll be laughing out loud again.
  23. Make someone’s day. Compliment a loved one, cook their favorite meal, bake their favorite cookies, or write them a heart-felt note telling them how much they light up your world.
  24. Don’t over-expect. Real life is not Little House on the Prairie.  People generally don’t stand around the table singing carols, spew lovely little speeches, or hug out of the blue.  If my family behaved this way I’d think someone had spiked their egg nog. Accept and love your family just the way it is.  Yes, they’re quirky.  Sure, they leave their socks all over the place.  No, they don’t say “Thank you” nearly often enough – but they’re your’s and you love them, quirks and all.  (Besides, if we were to be honest, don’t we own a few quirks ourselves?)  Also, don’t over-expect with yourself.  You are going to flat wear yourself out if you try to bake every recipe in your favorite cookbook and you’ll flat ruin yourself if you try to get everyone all of the presents you want to get them.  Dial down!
  25. Be sure you get enough sunlight. Open up the blinds and let the sunshine in.  It can make a real difference in how you feel.
  26. Did you know that learning something new can lift even the nastiest mood?  Pick a subject that you know very little about and research the heck out of it.  It’ll give your brain a great workout and your spirits will soar.  Learning feels good, pure and simple.
  27. Give! Contribute to charity of your choice = you help others AND it feels wonderful.
  28. Chocolate. I’m not even kidding – eating chocolate is a shortcut to a better mood.
  29. Well, that’s Bananas! Science has proven that eating a banana can make you feel more relaxed.  This fun fruit contains tryptophan, which helps the body manufacture serotonin.  Serotonin is a natural relaxant.  What s more, low levels of serotonin tend to go hand in hand with depression.  Monkeys are on to something here.
  30. Get plenty of rest. Sometimes what we think are “blues” are actually just the “drags.”  During this time of year we actually need MORE rest, yet we tend to get less.
  31. Get as much fresh air as possible.
  32. Eat healthy foods.
  33. Smile even when you’re in the room alone.
  34. Find a church home. Having a church home and family are wonderful blessings – but for the individual who is feeling lonely, they could make all the diffenece in the world.
  35. Research your family’s history. You’ll probably meet some very interesting characters along the way.It’s fun and it’s educational.
  36. Take up crafts. My youngest daughter and I were talking about this recently.  We both want to learn to make jewelry and other crafts, we want a sewing machine, and I want to make a huge doll house and fill it with little furniture and people!  The more we talked about it, the more excited we got.
  37. Re-arrange the furniture in your living room.
  38. Wake up a tired room by giving it a whole new look and vibe. If your bedroom has been green and white since Carter was in the White House, but a bright red (or blue, purple, or orange) new comforter and contrasting pillows.  The happier the colors, the better.
  39. Watch Runaway Bride, starring Julia Roberts.
  40. Buy a new, fun set of dishes.
  41. Sing to your cat.
  42. Write a list of your 10 favorite actors, 10 favorite actresses, 10 favorite movies, and 10 favorite all-time television shows.
  43. Watch the Game Show Network.
  44. Set up a Twitter account and tweet like you mean it.
  45. Eat Ramen Noodles. No scientific claims, here.  They’re just kicky. And good.
  46. Give yourself a facial. You can buy some really cool masks at the store – exfoliate, darling.
  47. Go to the driving range and take it all out on the little golf balls.
  48. Play frisbee.
  49. Make ice cream cones.
  50. Build a Gingerbread House.
  51. Stop thinking about what you don’t have and dwell only on what you do have.
  52. Buy bird feeders and fill them with seed. Your yard will soon be a lot more beautiful with colorful little appreciative birds.
  53. Take up yoga. I love myself some yoga.
  54. Buy your dog a new toy and help her break it in.
  55. Have your nails done.
  56. Learn to play a new card game.
  57. Gather your golf buddies together for a game of poker.
  58. Buy a Pilates dvd and have at it.
  59. Make handmade gifts for your loved ones. They’ll appreciate them more than you’ll ever know, and creating them is incredibly fun.
  60. Chill. Be perfectly still and quiet for 20 minutes each day.It gives life a chance to catch up with you!
  61. If something specific, which is out of your hands, is bothering you – crumble it up. Literally.Write it down on a piece of paper (I wish I had more money, I wish my parents were still alive, I wish my home were bigger, I wish I were smaller…. ).  Now crumble up the piece of paper and throw it away.  This symbolic action is a reminder that somethings just have to be let go of.  Carrying around burdens, resentment, guilt, grief – or any host negative emotions – is akin to taking a big gulp of rat poisoning.   I’m convinced that many people stay miserable simply because it’d take a little effort to be any other way.  They somehow manage to get comfortable in this misery.  Make a vow to never let that happen to you.  When you feel even the slightest tinge of sadness, realize that the next move is up to you.  You can lie down with the blues or kick them out of your bed. You look like a kicker to me!

Remember the holidays are to be enjoyed, not complicated.  Relax and enjoy every single minute and every single person.

It probably goes without saying, but I’m never one to let something go unsaid:  These are suggestions for individuals who are feeling blue – not depressed.  We’re referring to a feeling of sadness that has you back on your heels – not the sort of sadness that knocks you completely off of your feet.

If you are so sad that you don’t want to even get out of bed, and if this sadness has lasted more than a few weeks – please see a professional asap.  They can help you.