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You are here: Home / Archives for handling stress

handling stress

Tips for Coping with Stress

July 7, 2016 by Joi 7 Comments

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin
I am more thankful than I could ever convey for the ability to work from home. I thank God daily for allowing me this great blessing. Many times a day, if we’re being exact. Having cats as my co-workers and being able to look out of the window by my desk and see birds, squirrels, trees, and flowers as opposed to office walls or frantic human beings leaves me unspeakably grateful.

I’ll take squirrels chasing one another for the last dried corn cob over humans who think they’ve been slighted in the least any day of the week and twice on Mondays.

Don’t get me wrong, working from home doesn’t give you a “Bypass all Stress” card. Not in the slightest. It simply means that I have the luxury of handling my stress in front of a long-haired, slightly chubby cat (or any other combination of family members, if they happen to be in the vicinity).

If you work from home with web designing, web hosting, blogging, web publishing, graphic art, or anything that involves software, computers, plugins, and anything else we never even thought of in the 80’s, you know that the potential for problems (as well as the stress they bring) is great.

Throw human beings into the mix and it shoots up even higher.

Even if you have the luxury of dressing casually, wearing house shoes, and having an endless supply of coffee at your disposal – you’re still familiar with stress.

Ever notice how you can go along smoothly – with everything humming beautifully – for months on end, only to have a series of nightmares hit back to back to back. This is exactly how a span of about 4 months played out for me at the first of the year. One day, as I just sat in my computer chair starring out the window, I thought, “I cannot even remember what a normal day feels like.”  Unfortunately there was no sympathy to be had in my front yard, even from the doves, so I simply went back to work.

For about an 8 week span, each day involved endless hours at the computer repairing and rebuilding multiple websites that had been hacked. Because of sub-human morons in the world, this human had to navigate through hell on earth, fueled only by coffee and sweet tea.

Even though my computer and I have always had a beautiful relationship built on mutual respect, I found myself snarling at it each time I saw it. Once I even referred to it as a pile of heartache and wires. To me, it was associated with stress, aggravation, and… let’s just put this out there…. misery.

One day, my computer started acting up and I was afraid something was terribly wrong with it. Fortunately, my husband was able to restore it to its original glory.

It really gave me a scare and I’m convinced it was paying me back for all the snarls.

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin

Because I’m particularly clever when under stress (sarcasm of the highest order), I fell into the trap of playing “what if” roulette with my future.

  • What if I can’t get this company’s website restored?
  • What if these websites all fall from Google’s graces completely?
  • What if something goes wrong with every website I’ve ever met?
  • What if tomorrow never comes?

Okay, the last one is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. I exacerbated a bad situation by borrowing trouble and imaging the worst possible scenarios instead of the best possible scenarios.

Not once did I say or imagine anything like…

  • What if I put this website back together and make it even better than it was before?
  • What if, through this storm, I find a rainbow that makes it all worth it?
  • What if adversity is a professor and I’m learning valuable lessons?

Funny thing is, although I didn’t ask these questions… or even remotely consider them… each would have been prophetic if I had. The 3 business websites I rebuilt and redesigned? They look 100 times better than they did before. My own websites that I re-did? They look, and function, 100 times better than before. Did I learn anything? Did I ever! I feel like I got a lesson in web security and it was utterly fascinating.

It reminded me of the GREAT Dolores Seymour quote, “When life kicks you, let it kick you forward!”

I guess at some point I finally decided that the old saying, “You either handle stress or it handles you” is dead on true. I was allowing stress to lead me around by the nose. It was taking the joy and happiness out of each day and I was allowing it.

I had always loved my workdays before the 8 weeks from hell came along. My weekdays would start the same way – with coffee in hand, I’d feed my husband, cats, birds, squirrels, and sometimes even myself breakfast. Then, with coffee in hand, I’d get dressed and ready for the day. Lighting a fragrant candle would signal that online work was about to commence and, with coffee in hand, I’d sit at my beloved computer and get busy.

My workdays were bliss for me.

Then hell months hit. I stopped lighting candles each day, stomped around, and… this hurts to admit.. but started feeling a little sorry for myself. Yeah, it’s an ugly thing to do, but there you have it.

I had a heart to heart with myself – not out loud, of course, the family worries when I do that. I realized that I was going about it all wrong. I reminded myself that I was still ridiculously blessed to be able to work from home. I identified a few things on my perennial “to do” lists that simply weren’t that important.

Found them, ditched them, walked away, didn’t look back.

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” – Sydney J. Harris

Almost immediately, the old feelings of enthusiasm returned – before and after the work day. My computer and I became kindred spirits again. No more snarling or hurling accusations on my part and no more faking injuries like an overly-dramatic soccer player on her part.

The feelings of being overwhelmed and stretched like a rubber band went away and I didn’t just burn my old candles each day, I went out and burned new candles.

Sometimes making small, seemingly insignificant moves can alleviate stress in surprising ways.

If you’re feeling stressed in any way, take a good, close look at your life. What areas are causing you stress? Find ways to alleviate any stress you can – remember, every little move helps. Let’s say that again, with emphasis. Every. Little. Move. Helps.

Tips for Dealing with Stress

  • Is your workload too heavy? If it is, lightening it will actually work out better in the long run.  Being able to give MORE of yourself to FEWER projects results in better projects and a better you.
  • Do you worry too much about others? Even if it’s your own children, try to make yourself realize that they will make mistakes, just as you have done.  What’s more, they’ll survive and learn from them, just as you have. You cannot get between your child and every conceivable wrong turn, setback, or misstep. Been there, tried that, looked a fool.
  • Is your house causing you a never-ending battle? Work and everyday life are stressful enough – the last thing you need is your house playing for the wrong team! Set aside a little time each day to cut into clutter and straighten that which has become crooked. Buy new shelves or totes, if need be, and create less clutter and stress in your environment. If you don’t have a dishwasher, buy one! Stay on top of household chores – this way they won’t get in your face demanding your attention. Always try to stay three steps ahead by putting things away as you use them, throwing away trash immediately, and cleaning behind you as you go about your business. A cluttered, messy home adds to your levels of stress without you even realizing it.
  • Try to set aside a little time each evening to just enjoy life. Take a few hours each night and leave the “real world” behind.  I love to kick back and watch tv with my husband and cat.  It’s great to spend time with them and it’s a nice experience to just do nothing.  Truth be told, sometimes I embrace nothingness like a long lost relative. If your first reaction is, “I can’t take 2 hours to just do nothing, I have to do this and I have to do that…” – then I have to tell you, you’re heading (and speeding to get there) for trouble.  As the Roman Poet Ovid said, “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” If you don’t have the signs of being stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, or temperamental yet – they’re just around the corner, awaiting your arrival.  Hopefully, you’ll change your course and not join that unsavory party.
  • Remind yourself how blessed you are. Counting your blessings brings about a beautiful feeling of happiness and contentment. Stress doesn’t like to go up against these emotions, so he bows out. He looks much better going than coming.
  • If something – at work, at home, or even in a relationship – is out of your pay-grade, ask for help. We are all human and, therefore, unable to do everything. We aren’t perfect and can’t possibly know everything (that’s going to come as a real shock to some people). When I was battling website hackers, I did a lot of research and found a service I desperately needed. I did not and do not have the technical know-how or capabilities to fight off the enemy, so I found someone who does. There is no shame in saying, “This is beyond my abilities…” In fact, sometimes it’s the smartest thing you can say.
  • Don’t mentally check out of today and venture off into tomorrow.  Don’t allow your brain to come up with a slew of “what if” scenarios. Our brains are very creative and, when under stress, they will draw up the most imaginative and dire predictions you ever saw. Stick with what IS happening, try your best to control what WILL happen, and don’t fret over what COULD happen.  Stick with what’s in your control.
  • Slow down. Breathe. When under stress, we take little choppy breaths that don’t do us any good whatsoever. Worse, still, we’ll often hold our breath – which is even worse. The body kind of goes into panic mode at that point, and who can blame it?! Slow down and remember to keep taking deep, calming breaths. Another benefit of slowing down is you’ll pay more attention to what you’re doing, which will lessen your chances of causing any more stress!

It’s funny, isn’t it, that so many people think they can’t possibly slow down.  They seem to equate being busy as treading water and fear that if they slow down, they’ll go under.

In actuality, when you throw off the heavy backpack, you find that you have more time to swim.

Oddly enough, I think part of the problem lies within this quote about computers, “No matter how fast your computer system runs, you will eventually come to think of it as slow.”

Our generation has become so accustomed to fast forward and has gotten so used to dancing to the “Git ‘r done” tune that many of us see slowing down as standing still. Needless to say, we need to adjust that thinking before it’s too late. You remember what’s waiting around the corner, don’t you?

We’d hate to have that realization hit us one day with one arm in a blood pressure cup as the other gestures in a how-did-this-happen motion. It’d be even worse, in my opinion, to have it dawn on us one day when our child is reliving his or her childhood and we realize that we’d missed a big chunk of the scenery.

The time to slow down is today. Tomorrow will be brighter because of it.

~ Joi (“Joy”)

When Life Kicks You, Let it Kick You Forward.

Filed Under: Problem Solving, Self Help, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: coping with stress, handling stress, reducing stress

Three Easy Hacks for Handling Stressful Moments (or Hours, Days, Weeks, Months….)

October 19, 2015 by Joi 5 Comments

Quote About FInding Peace

Quote About Havig a Peaceful State of Mind

Ever had one of those days? I hate to brag (*sarcastic smile*) but my much loved family and I have had one of those YEARS.

I’m not complaining, mind you. We’re still standing and, I’ll let you in on a little secret, we’re still as happy as ever. In fact, we laugh off a lot of the crazy things that have happened. The things we can’t laugh off, we look square in the eye and say, “Even you didn’t destroy us.”

Emergency rooms, wisdom tooth removals, x-rays, blood work, emergency vet visits, shot out radiators, cat operations, a car wreck, broken washers, cat blood work, hospital stays… Wow, 2015.  ZERO chill.

Get this – mice crawled up into my vehicle earlier in the year and did hundreds of dollars worth of damage.

I know, right?!

At the risk of bragging again, “Mom Research” has made me an expert on kidney stones, wisdom teeth, Barrett’s Esophagus, low iron, low vitamin D, and inappropriate sinus tachycardia – not to be confused with appropriate sinus tachycardia which is much worse.

A worried mom can out-research any college senior.

Around August, we thought that maybe… just maybe… the worst was behind us and the rest of the year would end on a nice peaceful note.  HA! 2015 heard us and laughed at our Mary Poppins complex.

Again… I’m not complaining. Not everyone gets this many adventures back to back to back to back.

… to back.

We’ve all discovered one thing – if you don’t have a “go to” way to relax and de-stress, you’d better find one because one day (or one year) you’re going to need it.

Whether your favorite way of handling stress is reading, watching tv, playing games, surfing the internet, watching YouTube videos, or attempting to do them all at once (you do you), I want to tell you about three simple little stress-busting “hacks” that you may one day find useful.

Lighthouse Landing Marina on Kentucky Lake
A Peaceful Setting Can Bring Peace to Where You’re Sitting!
Hack #1 For Restoring Peace & Calm While Eliminating Stress

The first one is as simple as finding a picture that takes you to a place of serenity, peacefulness, and calmness.

You can look online for “relaxing pictures” or even look through your own camera or iPhone. You’ll know THE picture when you see it. It’ll cause you to feel happy, safe, peaceful, and as though you haven’t a care in the world.

You may do like I did and even set it as your phone’s background. That way it’s always just a glance away – and 2015 pretty much demanded easy access.  This probably won’t surprise you, but my image is a picture of my cat.  After all, nothing soothes a crazy cat lady’s nerves quite like a cat picture.

Peace of Mind Affirmation

“My peace of mind is not disturbed by things beyond my control.”

Hack #2 For Restoring Peace & Calm While Eliminating Stress

The second trick is to find a quote or Bible verse that helps to center your thoughts so they don’t run amok. When thoughts run amok, they become worries and then they’ll drag you all over creation with them as they run.

Exhausting.

Below are some of my personal favorite quotes and verses. Memorize the ones that resonate with you and you’ll always have them handy. Trust me, anything you can do to keep your thoughts and worries from lacing up their running shoes is time well spent… and energy (and sanity) preserved.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you…. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27

“Breathe in. Breathe out.”

“Peace is always beautiful.” – Walt Whitman

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” – Isaiah 26:3 (NIV)

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” – Chinese Proverb

“Peace begins with a smile.” – Mother Teresa

“There is no ‘way to peace,’ there is only ‘peace.'” – Mahatma Gandhi

 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

When you find a quote or verse that resonates with you, memorize it and whip it out any time the thoughts begin trampling around your mind. Focusing on the quote will stop them in their tracks.

Hack #3 For Restoring Peace & Calm While Eliminating Stress

Music soothes the savage beast…. the beast being stress. I’m not necessarily talking about today’s pop or country music – although if they float your boat, sail on.

I’m talking about Classical Music, Japanese Garden Music, Piano Music – beautiful music acts as a salve to burns life leaves across your psyche.  A quick search on YouTube for any of these types of music will give you lots of choices. One of my favorite types of music to put on while cooking cleaning is Japanese Garden Music. When you search for the phrase on YouTube, you’ll find videos that play for 3 hours straight.

By the end of the three hours, it’s like, “Stress? What stress? Where’s my pillow?”

Finally….

When we have a problem (whether it’s stress, anger, fear…), being proactive makes us feel better instantly. Why? It puts us back in the driver’s seat. If you’re under a great deal of stress or things just don’t seem to be going your way, try the three hacks above – it may take one… it may take two.. it may take all three.

Just pour yourself a nice hot cup of tea and hack away.

Quotes About Remaining Calm and Finding Peace:

“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” – Alan Watts

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James

“A man of calm is like a shady tree. People who need shelter come to it.” – Toba Beta

“Nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.” – Thomas Jefferson

“The truth is that stress doesn’t come from your boss, your kids, your spouse, traffic jams, health challenges, or other circumstances. It comes from your thoughts about your circumstances.” – Andrew Bernstein

“The pursuit, even of the best things, ought to be calm and tranquil.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Problem Solving Tagged With: eliminating stress, finding peace, handling stress, restoring calm

Driven to Distraction by Gnarly Gnats

October 9, 2012 by Joi 2 Comments

Perspective Quote
Most people list flies, mosquitoes, ants, bees, and spiders as their least favorite “pests.”  Spiders even pull double duty and find themselves high on lists of phobias.  I don’t understand that one, personally.  I kind of like the creepy little buggers.  I could watch one working on her web for hours. Such skill and showmanship.

I don’t really have anything against ants or bees either. In fact, I admire any species which answers to the queen.  I also approve of each group’s enthusiasm and work ethic.

As for flies and mosquitoes – I’ll admit, they can be pretty bothersome.  Worst picnic guests EVER.

However, you know where you stand with flies and mosquitoes. They aren’t as deceptive, underhanded, and vile as the pest that I call the worst of the bunch: GNATS. Seriously, is anything as annoying or as hard to get rid of as GNATS?

Our house is outside of the city limits. We’re, literally, surrounded by trees – many of which are apple or pear trees.  Normally, I’m crazy wild about this arrangement.  However, toward the end of summer, gnats can be a bit of a problem.  In the past, they’d make their presence known and I’d wipe out their population in no time flat. However, the army of gnats that attacked us this year have proven to be a very formidable opponent.

I wipe out one battalion and three more take their place.  You don’t see spiders or bees doing anything as hostile as that.

Many spider haters scream, “Thank God!” right about now.

It’s almost funny, isn’t it?  Sometimes we can stand up valiantly to the big things in life…. only to wind up in the corner shaking and crying over something extremely small.  Okay, maybe I didn’t cower and cry in a corner, but the gnats didn’t exactly bring out my best side.  I did, however…

  • ….ask God what He had in mind when he created gnats
  • ….threaten to chop down each fruit tree with an ax
  • ….wonder just how cold it is in Alaska
  • …. hurl a word that’s normally reserved for stubbed toes

Toward the end of summer, I came across something that worked like a charm for me.  I’m not talking about a magical potion to trap or kill gnats (although, with the research I’ve done, I could now write a book on the subject).  I’m talking about a little sanity preserver when things are  driving us all kinds of crazy.  When we’re stomping around, making a face so ugly it’d frighten small children, and reaching deep into our bag of four letter words for one that rises to the occasion.

Thanks to a colony of gnats that kept gathering around our outside cat’s water dish, one day I came across the best four letter word of all.

There I was, swatting like a woman possessed as our outside cats (Hannah and Fatima) took turns watching me, exchanging bewildered looks with one another. You know… the kind of crazed expressions all kids make behind their parent’s back.  I also noticed that our inside cat (Alexa, the diva) was watching me from the kitchen window.  If she had a “thought bubble,” it would have read “Poor thing’s finally snapped.”

She wouldn’t have been entirely wrong.  Angrily swatting through the air with my fly swatter I must have looked like a band leader on crack.

In the middle of great annoyance and anxiety, a reasonable inner voice finally spoke up:  “It’s just gnats.”

Yes. JUST gnats.  Somehow, the simple little word J-U-S-T calmed my psyche and made the world a more reasonable place again.  Instead of seeing tiny flying demons taunting me as they dodged my wrath with gracefulness I almost admired, I, once again, saw the beautiful world around me.  I didn’t hear my grumbling and mumbling any longer. I heard birds singing and the wind blowing through the leaves.

One word! And a four letter one, at that.  They have such a bad rep.

Later that same day, I had a plugin catastrophe on one of my blogs. It was a plugin I used frequently on that particular blog.  A beloved plugin on a beloved blog. I didn’t even have time to flinch.  The same inner voice who’d had so much success earlier in the day whispered, “It’s just a plugin.”

Does everything in life respond to the word just? No, of course not.  SHOULD we whip it out willy nilly in an attempt to be as care free as a hippie in the Seventies?  Oh, heck no. Think about the words, themselves: CARE FREE.  That means being free of care – and when is that ever an entirely good thing? We should care about the things and people around us.  However, we should always strive to stay in control.  If we CAN change something that needs to be changed, we should do everything in our power to do so.  The thing is, we have to keep the right perspective.

The next time you find yourself coming unraveled over something, ask yourself if it’s really worth the effort.  I think that’s why a lot of people stay on the brink of a nervous breakdown – they lack perspective. If they’d realize that they react to standing in line with the same level of rage they muster for a broken ankle, they’d  realize they need a little perspective.  That, and a new favorite four letter word.

Just a thought.

Make that JUST, a thought.

~ Joi

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Problem Solving Tagged With: handling stress, perspective, quote about perspective

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