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You are here: Home / Archives for happiness

happiness

How to Keep From “Losing” Yourself in the Ugliness Around Us

November 30, 2016 by Joi Leave a Comment

Life is Too Short to Be Anything But Happy!
Never Let Anyone Else Rob You Of Your Joy or Silence Your Happiness!
First things first. Before I go any further…. I just want to say that I do not have a “side” when it comes to the recent Presidential election. I did not vote this particular election and, what’s more, while watching the results on CNN that evening, I did not feel the overwhelming “investment” I’d felt in past elections.

My personal candidate was Marco Rubio, and I greatly respected Ben Carson as well. If Vice President Joe Biden had thrown his hat into the race, I would have had a candidate in each party.  I guess I should be glad I never had to face the problem of liking too many players in the game!

Don’t get me wrong, unlike most people, I don’t feel any animosity toward Hilary Clinton or President-Elect Donald Trump. I respect many of the things they’ve done in life, including their children.  Are they perfect? No more so than you or I.  I wish both of them a world of happiness and success in life. I have no time for or inclination toward hate, bitterness, or resentment – so if you’re waiting for me to spew any ugliness, you’ll be sorely disappointed. I leave the judging to God.

I only point these facts out because there is an unreal amount of hate swirling around these days and I don’t want anyone thinking I have a political agenda. I have no such thing.  What I have is a “happy agenda” and I’ve had a bad case of it for as long as I can remember.

I want people to be happy! Not just the “smile on their face” kind of happy, either. I want people to be so happy and so in love with life that they find it almost impossible to sit still.

The present emotional climate in the world is stormy with signs of getting worse before it gets better. And this from an eternal optimist! I take no joy in pointing it out, but if you expose yourself even slightly to social media or mainstream news, you already know this assessment is spot on.

Is this a tragic situation? No……  It is what it is. History is filled with tragedies – any fellow history buffs reading this are already nodding their heads in agreement.  The Boston Massacre, the Trail of Tears, Slavery, the Civil War, Concentration Camps, and on and on. Those were unspeakable, unimaginable, and gut-wrenching tragedies.

History is also filled with protests, marches, anger, and the other situations we are seeing on an almost daily basis. These periods come and they, eventually, go.

One of my mom’s favorite quotes was, “This, too, shall pass.”  Eventually, the anger, raging, fighting, and lashing out will die down. In the meantime, I want to encourage as many people as I possibly can not to “lose” yourself in the ugliness.  If that means removing yourself from it – as in getting off of social media or cutting back on the news – do it. Do whatever it takes.

I, personally, (as a web publisher) have to stick it out. Sometimes it feels like I’m standing out in the rain without an umbrella. My main social media activity is on Twitter and, within just the past two years, the rain has felt more like a raging storm…

  • I’ve seen close friends go at one another in ways I’d never have thought possible. All because they disagreed on a Presidential candidate!
  • I’ve seen wonderful, easy-going Christian men and women who once tweeted encouraging and uplifting messages become so filled with hate and anger that their tweets should come with warning labels.
  • Put simply, hate and anger are absolutely everywhere – celebrities, corporations, news outlets, social media platforms… they’re all getting into the mix.

As I said earlier, the emotional climate in the world isn’t what I’d call tragic. However, I’ll tell you what IS tragic – seeing people lose who they are and what they stand for. It’s tragic to see individuals become so consumed with hate and anger that they cannot even carry on civil conversations. People have lost the ability to civilly disagree with others. They’ve lost the ability to accept that others have opinions that may be different from their own.

People today have the mindset of, “I’m right and if you don’t agree with me, you are wrong.”  But they don’t just stop there… they will unload on anyone and everyone with name-calling, belittling, accusations, and venomous anger.

Simply for having a different opinions.

So where do we go from here?  In addition to praying (day and night!) for things to change, we have to be on guard. We have to make sure that we don’t allow others to steal our joy. We also  have to be on constant guard for something else – we have to make sure we don’t turn into them.  Think of a zombie movie for a minute. What’s the worst possible thing to happen in a zombie movie? For the hero or heroine to become a zombie – for them to become the vile, cruel, and.. let’s face it… downright ugly zombie.

If we give the bitter, angry crowd too much of our time, our hearts, and our thoughts… we will slowly become more and more like them. What a revolting thought!

Who in their right mind would want to spend so much time angry, bitter, resentful, and mean-spirited – all while being constantly on the prowl for something else to get upset about.

A few nights ago, I saw a young man (who, a year ago, was one of the calmest, happiest people on all of Twitter) – within a span of 30 minutes – verbally attack THREE different groups of people.  Not one, not two.. but three. He hurled accusations and made a bitter little spectacle of himself. I instantly thought back to who he used to be and felt kind of sick to my stomach. Slowly but surely, he lost himself.

I hope that hasn’t happened to you and, if you’re close to “the line,” I hope this will serve as a reminder.

Actionable Ideas 

  • Unfollow any social media accounts that spew negativity and ugliness. EVEN if they’re simply reporting news – some news accounts are inherently negative and, trust me, you don’t need that in your life.
  • If you see a news story coming on that you know will “stick with you,” turn the channel. You aren’t going to lose any life points by not knowing all the news stories.
  • Each day – throughout the day – ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?”  Frequently reminding yourself that you want to be happy, positive, encouraging, and giving will help you keep from slipping into anger and will keep you from throwing an adult temper tantrum… which is possibly the ugliest thing in the entire world. Yes, even uglier than zombies. Before speaking, “tweeting,” or even “retweeting” get into the habit of asking yourself, “Is this the person I want to be?”
  • Spend more time doing what brings you joy. Enjoy sports on tv, watch old movies, read Agatha Christie mysteries (or your own favorite author, of course!), watch the History Channel, cook, take up a new hobby, play with your pet, walk… whatever your bliss is, don’t just walk to it, run to it. When “times are rough,” like they currently are, you need these blissful moments more than ever.

Life is short and we aren’t going to get a second shot in this life. Please don’t spend it worked up about things that are beyond your control. It isn’t good for your family, your mind, your happiness, or your health. Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy.

Ironically, after typing out well over 1,00 words, I think we can sum it all up in two: Choose happiness.

Keep smiling!

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Choose Happiness

Filed Under: General, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Self Awareness, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: happiness, how to be happy, joy

I’m In Love With this Quote About Simple Things

August 22, 2016 by Joi Leave a Comment

Quote About Simple Things
This great Rudyard Kipling quote is actually from his beautiful poem, The Children’s Song (below). It serves as a reminder to not just notice and appreciate simple things, but to delight in them!

The whole concept reminds me of kittens, oddly enough. One of our outside cats (Barb!) recently had kittens and we’re absolutely loving watching every single thing they do. A kitten delights in everything around them.

  • A leaf? Fascinating!
  • The wind? Mesmerizing!
  • Rain? Never seen anything quite like it!
  • A moth? Coolest friend ever!

If we stop long enough to allow ourselves to delight in even the smallest things in life, our worries and cares will shrink as our joy and happiness grow.

I hope you’ll allow Rudyard Kipling’s words to sink in deep.  So beautiful!

~ Joi

The Children’s Song
by Rudyard Kipling

LAND of our Birth, we pledge to thee
Our love and toil in the years to be;
When we are grown and take our place
As men and women with our race.

Father in Heaven who lovest all,
Oh, help Thy children when they call;
That they may build from age to age
An undefiled heritage.

Teach us to bear the yoke in youth,
With steadfastness and careful truth;
That, in our time, Thy Grace may give
The Truth whereby the Nations live.

Teach us to rule ourselves alway,
Controlled and cleanly night and day;
That we may bring, if need arise,
No maimed or worthless sacrifice.

Teach us to look in all our ends
On Thee for judge, and not our friends;
That we, with Thee, may walk uncowed
By fear or favour of the crowd.

Teach us the Strength that cannot seek,
By deed or thought, to hurt the weak;
That, under Thee, we may possess
Man’s strength to comfort man’s distress.

Teach us Delight in simple things,
And Mirth that has no bitter springs;
Forgiveness free of evil done,
And Love to all men ‘neath the sun!

Land of our Birth, our faith, our pride,
For whose dear sake our fathers died;
Oh, Motherland, we pledge to thee
Head, heart and hand through the years to be!


Filed Under: Daily Quote, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought Tagged With: happiness, inspirational quote, inspirational quote graphic, joy, poetry

A Light Heart Lives Long….

August 4, 2016 by Joi Leave a Comment

A Light Heart Lives Long. - William Shakespeare
“A light heart lives long.” This William Shakespeare quote is a personal favorite.  It serves as a reminder of the importance of setting aside a little time each day for doing what makes you happy. Whether it’s watching tv, reading a book, or catching up on social media… or doing them all at once if you’re a multi-tasker!… make a point of finding your bliss every single day.

If anyone asks you what you’re doing, tell them – you’re prolonging your life!

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Filed Under: Daily Quote, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought Tagged With: happiness, quote about happiness, quote about life, quote graphic

Infographic: 10 Science-Backed Ways to Be Happier Right Now

July 13, 2016 by Joi Leave a Comment

Regardless of who we are, where we’re from, where we’re going, or how much sugar we put in our coffee – we’re all after the same thing… happiness. The more, the better, right? One of the most searched for things online is, “How to be happy.”

Before we get to the bright, beautiful infographic, I just want to say a few quick things about happiness.

  1. One of the surest ways to be unhappy is to focus all of your thoughts on, “I wish I were happier..” By saying the words, you’re pretty much telling every fiber of your being that you are unhappy or are not “happy enough.” Not healthy.
  2. A sure fire way to find unhappiness is to look for it. If you tend to look for the negatives in life, you will find them – and then won’t have any idea what to do with them! Look for the good, seek out the beautiful, and trend toward things that make you smile.
  3. Never set yourself up for disappointment by over-expecting. This is where many people snag their sweater on the fence. Don’t wake up on Tuesday morning, for example thinking, “Each of my children are going to call me today, my spouse is going to take me to my favorite restaurant for dinner, and my cat is going to be in the cuddliest mood of her life.” When you set your expectations too high (and a cat in an uber cuddly mood is sky high), you’re only inviting disappointment and disappointment never feels good.
  4. Take a good look around. Even if you’re the only one in the house, there are dishes in the sink, and the cat’s in a horrifyingly bad mood – life is still beautiful. You’re still alive, there are still a billion reasons to smile and… let’s face it, a clingy cat would just be weird.

~ Joi

How to Be Happy
Credit: Life Coach Spotter

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Infographics, Positive Thought Tagged With: happiness, how to be happier, Infographic, self improvement infographic

Coping with an Illness: Overcoming Feelings of Sadness and Anger

March 15, 2016 by Joi 1 Comment

How to Find Happiness in Spite of Your Sickness

Lake Barkley at Sunset

  • How can you keep from feeling depressed when you have a chronic illness?
  • How can you feel happy when you’re sick?!
  • How can you keep diabetes (or high blood pressure, Celiac Disease, cancer, or other illnesses) from stealing your joy and happiness?
  • Can you be truly happy when you have a chronic illness?
  • How can I keep from feeling discouraged when I suddenly have to think about my health so often?
  • How can you get used to having a chronic illness?
  • How can I get used to checking my blood pressure daily?
  • How can I get used to giving myself a shot every day?

The above are what we’d have to call very FAIR questions. From what I’ve seen, heard, and experienced, the most difficult illnesses and/or conditions to handle are those that seemingly come out of the blue. They land smack dab in the middle of your world – completely  unannounced and most definitely without an invitation.

Welcomed or not, chronic illnesses and conditions become part of our lives and have little (if any) intention of leaving.

From Web MD: A chronic illness is a condition that lasts for a very long time and usually cannot be cured completely, although some illnesses can be controlled or managed through lifestyle (diet and exercise) and certain medications. Examples of chronic illnesses include diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, kidney disease, HIV/AIDS, lupus, multiple sclerosis…

Getting Used to Chronic Illness

While I named this section, “Getting Used to a Chronic Illness,” in all actuality what we’re really looking for is a way to make peace with a chronic illness. “Getting used to” something is pretty misleading. I mean, technically, how would one ever “get used to” pain or discomfort?

What we really WANT and what we really NEED is peace of mind. Peace is always better than war and when we find ourselves struggling with feelings of anger, remorse, self-pity, and frustration, we are at war with an enemy we must find a way to live with.

You may feel anger, sadness, and even a sense of being overwhelmed. You may miss how life used to be, before everything changed. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with feeling these emotions.  You aren’t wrong to not want to be sick! You aren’t wrong to wish you were free from this particular illness or condition.

You’re human after all.

If you’ve read Self Help Daily (or my food blog for that matter), you know that I recently developed a chronic condition (or, more to the point, a pre-existing condition came boiling to the surface).  While I am THRILLED that I don’t have anything terminal or what we’d term “serious,” I am greatly annoyed by its presence. I’ve had to completely change how I eat and cook. For someone who has always been a very passionate cook, this felt like a kick in the gut.

Come to think of it… literally at times.

I had to completely give up gluten and wheat, which to be honest, I’m completely fine with now. The damage done to my insides, however, is something I’ll have to live with. My stomach is easily upset if I eat the wrong type of food and, thanks to the damage combined with a hiatal hernia, heartburn is a frequent, particularly unattractive guest.

The heartburn and GERD, actually, only showed up this year. Their “newness” is probably what has hit me so hard. Maybe your particular illness or condition are the same. Maybe, like me, you went YEARS without your illness – be it high blood pressure, Celiac Disease, diabetes, or any other “unattractive guest.”  I think you could make a strong case for these illnesses being much harder to cope with than those we have either all of our life or for over 10 years.

Here’s an example: Asthma is an old friend of mine. I’ve had it since I was a baby, so I don’t know life without asthma. Many times, my husband or daughters will hear me wheeze before I’ve even registered the fact. A while back, I realized I was short of breath and heard wheezes coming from my chest. I simply put down the book I was reading, found my inhaler, used it, and went back to my book. I never gave the process a second thought.

The very next night, however, I felt heartburn coming on and every emotional switch in my body went on high alert.

“Why?!”
“What the heck?”
“This is so not cool!”
“Where are those darn Tums?!”

Fortunately for my husband and cat, I didn’t have my mini meltdown out loud – all the angry questions took place inside my mind. After chewing a Tums, all was well and peace was restored in my chest and mind.  Then it hit me… why did I react like this to something as simple as heartburn and yet didn’t blink an eye to an actual breathing condition?

This article actually sprang forth from that single thought. When a new illness or chronic condition springs itself on you, it is a shock.  I think we tend to be in denial for a while..

  • … it’s just something I ate…
  • … I’m just tired…
  • … must have a bug…
  • …. this will pass….

Once shock and denial give in to reality, anger sets in – usually joined by sadness.  You read up on your condition and realize, “Life is never going to be the same again.”

Can you get used to the new condition or illness? No. You can, however, learn to live with it and even make peace with it.

I promise. Keep reading.

A New Normal

Think back to the first time you had to start wearing contacts or glasses. Think back to when (thanks to father time) you had to give up a particular sport – or at least had to cut back on the amount of time you spent with it. Think back to when you had to make the font on your computer screen larger. Think back to when you had to stop drinking so much caffeine.

If you’re like most people, these changes are so much a part of your life right now that you can’t even remember what it was like BEFORE.  Why are you so comfortable with them? They’re your normal.

Whatever chronic condition or illness you have right now is your new normal. The sooner you acknowledge it as such, the better you will feel.  And here’s the real heart of the matter – no matter what condition/illness you’re up against, you MUST HAVE a positive outlook and peace of mind. Being at war in your body will only make matters worse.

You must find peace, which means accepting that which is seemingly unacceptable. Acceptance can be the most powerful step we ever take.  That does not mean, in any way, that you are giving in to the illness. Heck no! It means you are making yourself remain calm and in control.

You’re basically telling it, “YOU’RE the newcomer. You’ve come into my life, but you are not my life. You are not going to rob me of any happiness, joy, or peace. What’s more, I’m going to use you to my benefit!”  (More on that last thing you told your illness in a minute – but, rest assured, you meant it.)

Here’s a little checklist for taking your new guest from nemesis to normal:

  1. Breathe. Take deep, cleansing, healing deep breaths and do so often. When we’re under stress, we often hold our breath without realizing it. That, or we’ll take frequent shallow breaths. Either extreme puts every system in our body on high alert because they assume we’re under attack. Naturally, this only brings about more stress, anxiety, and even feelings of panic. Breathe.
  2. Focus on Loveliness. Forgive me for sounding like a greeting card, but sometimes a flowery word like loveliness is the only one that’ll do.  Having a chronic illness or condition isn’t lovely. Heartburn, high blood pressure, chronic pain, multiple doctor’s visits, daily shots, frequent tiredness, headaches.. none of these are lovely. When you have one or more of them, however, they require a certain amount of attention. The trick is not to DWELL there. Give them the attention they require (whether it’s with medication, a nap, heating pad, ice pack, or good old fashioned hot bath), then step away. Don’t stand there staring at the wreckage, so to speak. Switch your focus to something… that’s right… lovely. For me, lovely is my family, my cats, birds, trees, animals, recipes, and flowers. For you, this may mean fishing, television, golf, or a home improvement circular! Move your mind, your eyes, and  your attention from the unlovely to the lovely and be cognizant of it throughout the day.
  3. Do your homework. Read up on your condition or illness and find ways others are dealing with discomfort, illness, restlessness, pain, or other symptoms you’re experiencing.  Do everything you can to find what works for you. It’s your life, remember, and the illness is a guest – not the other way around. Often, good old fashioned naturally “home remedies” can relieve symptoms better than anything else.  Chai Tea Lattes and coffee, for example, relieve my asthma symptoms better than inhalers and they’re tastier too. Naturally, if it’s too late for one of these miracles in a mug, I go with the inhaler. Do your homework – never replace a doctor’s orders with anything you turn up, though, and if you have a serious illness, seek his/her advice at all times.
  4. Practice being nonchalant. The next time your illness or condition presents you with discomfort,  respond with, “… well this is nothing…. it’s just _____.”  Saying the words is a powerful thing. Trust me, I’ve tried it! But you have to do it each time your nemesis looks you in the eye.
  5. Eat a healthy diet. Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables will make you feel better, inside and out. Many conditions are actually improved by simply eating a healthier diet and by getting plenty of vitamins.
  6. Take supplements if needed. Vitamin deficiencies are common among those with chronic illnesses. Low iron, magnesium, B vitamins, and Vitamin D can affect your mood as well as your body. Have your levels checked if you feel something is off. Getting the right amount of any of these vitamins can make a world of difference in how you feel – physically and emotionally.
  7. Get plenty of rest. When your body is coping with an illness or condition, it is working harder than you realize. That’s why we often feel so tired when we’re sick – our body is at work trying to heal itself. This extra work is exhausting! If you feel too tired to go to a party, say so. If you feel like turning in at 8:00, sweet dreams! You know your body better than anyone else. If it’s tired, let it rest.

Your illness/condition is your new normal. All the tears, outbursts, and sulking will not make it go away – they will only allow it to steal more from you than it already has. What’s more, emotional upheavals simply drain more of your body’s precious energy. Time it has to spend making sure your emotional state is balanced could be better spend making sure your physical state is balanced.

Deal with Emotions as they Arise

Okay. We’re accepting our new normal. We have no intention of allowing this new normal to rob us of our happiness or peace. However, there will be emotions that’ll need to be dealt with.  Having emotions does not make you bad – it makes you human.

  • When you feel overwhelmed by your new normal, talk it out with someone.
  • When you feel frustrated by the new restrictions in your life, focus on the things this illness can’t touch. Can you still sit in the front yard and listen to songbirds? Can you can still enjoy a book by your favorite author? Can you take a nice stroll around the yard or park? Can you listen to your favorite music? Can you spend a little time reliving favorite memories? Think of as many things you CAN do and don’t spend another minute thinking about the things you can’t do.
  • When you have questions, ask them.
  • When you hear a small voice inside ask, “Why me?” answer with, “Oh, that’s easy. Because you’re strong enough to handle it.”

No matter what end of the spectrum your new normal is – whether it’s GERD/Heartburn, High Blood Pressure, Cancer, Diabetes, Heart Disease, or a disease I couldn’t even begin to spell… realize that it has already taken enough from you. Refuse to let it have your peace of mind or happiness.

{Continued Below…}

Quote About Perspective by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Using Your Illness to Your Benefit!

Earlier, you put your illness in its place. You told it that it was a guest in your life and that it wasn’t going to rob you of your happiness or peace of mind. Remember? You even told it that you were going to use it to your benefit. I’m not sure you believed yourself, so I’m going to try to back up your words.

Many people, when confronted with a chronic illness or life-changing condition, find that other areas of their life are enriched.  Whether you’re confronted with life and death with your “new normal” or are simply forced to alter areas of your life, make no mistake about it… you begin to appreciate life and all of its moments more. Little things pass away like a snowflake in a snowstorm. So-and-So‘s long hair… big deal. Such-and-Such‘s fifth marriage… hope this one takes!  Not enough money to buy a new refrigerator… kind of like the way this one moans anyway.

Seriously. When you stare eye to eye with an illness, you gain an insight to life that others simply don’t have. You appreciate the little things others step over. You watch them fly off the handle over minute things and wonder what the fuss is.

You appreciate life and all of its moments more than ever.

Perhaps this is why so many people with chronic illnesses enjoy sweeter relationships.  They don’t “pick” at people or measure their imperfections.  They don’t spend time thinking of ways this or that person doesn’t quite measure up.  When you appreciate life on such a huge level, you don’t take time to judge people – you use your time to love them.

Many people also use their illness to their benefit by “opening up” the world around them. They’ll take up new hobbies, learn new things, explore new places – each of which probably would not have taken place in their “old normal.”

Your new normal can bring a lot more to your world that is GOOD than you ever thought possible, but you have to let it. The more time you spend dwelling on the negative, the longer it’ll take you to get to a better place.

{Finished Below…}

It is what it is but it will be what you make it!

Final Thoughts

When you feel frustrated, sad, angry, or overwhelmed – cut yourself some slack. No one else can possibly know what it’s like for you. They would have had to lived YOUR life in the past and they would have to be living YOUR life now to know what it’s like for you.  Be patient with yourself and forgive yourself when you occasionally get down. The trick is to not stay down. Get back up and keep going.

Your new normal will soon become your normal – and you know how normals are, they’re barely given a second thought. They just are.

{Continued Below…}

Give yourself the time you need and the extra rest you will require. If you need a mid-day nap, take it! Don’t worry what others say or think – this is your life and you know what you need to feel your best. Stay well-rested, your body, mind, and emotions will all function better.

Also, remember that stress will creep in at times. Whether it’s extra medication, discomfort, or life restrictions, stress and anxiety will pop up from time to time. When they do, for crying out loud, don’t roll out the welcome mat! Insist that they leave immediately. Below are a few suggestions for getting rid of stress and anxiety:

  • Go outdoors. Fresh air and sunshine do wonders for your mood.
  • Spend time with your pet. Time spent with animals is never wasted.
  • Take a walk.
  • Read a book.  A great Agatha Christie mystery will keep your brain cells too busy to stress.
  • Watch a movie – an old western, maybe?!
  • Flip through a magazine or Avon brochure. It’s all but impossible to feel stressed when looking at nail polish.
  • Turn on Motown or Oldies.
  • Talk to a family member or friend who always seems to lift your spirits.
  • Last – but in NO way least – pray. Prayer chases stress and anxiety away and leaves peace and contentment in their place.

Filed Under: Health, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Problem Solving Tagged With: contentment, coping with illness, happiness, how to be happy, peace of mind

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Cat on Pine Mountain , Kentucky

Welcome to Self Help Daily, a blog devoted to helping you get the most from life by getting the most from yourself!

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My name is Joi (“Joy”)! I am the animal lover behind Self Help Daily.

To contact me, please do so through e-mail (joitsigers @ gmail.com). Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you! ~ Joi

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