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You are here: Home / Archives for how to be happier

how to be happier

Top Ten Things You Should Stop Doing

February 13, 2015 by Joi 1 Comment

Top Ten Things You Should Stop Doing
 

We are a generation of to do lists, multi-tasking, smart phones, and appointment calendars.  We’re convince that the MORE we DO, the happier we’ll be.  We think, “If we want happiness, we have to do do do and get get get…”

We proudly wave our “git ‘er done” mentality and vow to do just that.  And, of course we want our lunch to go – after all there are places to go, people to see, and plenty of ‘er to get done.

I won’t even lecture (well, not today anyway) about what this does to our health, psyche, and relationships. You get a free pass, I’ll go all mother hen on you about your well-being another day.

What we fail to realize, however, amongst all of our busyness, is that we can have an admirable “To Do” list, but if we keep doing certain negative, destructive things – we’re just shooting ourselves in our ever moving feet.

Think of these 10 self-destructive thoughts or actions as your To Don’t list.

  1. Don’t put things off.  If you’ve been wanting to build a tree house… go buy your lumber today! If you’ve always wanted an herb garden Martha Stewart would be impressed with, start planning it right now. If the thought of something makes you smile, imagine how much you’ll smile when it’s out of your brain and in your reality.
  2. Don’t let others determine how you feel about yourself.  Never look to other people to see your own reflection – you’ll never get the same one twice.  Taking a good, hard look at yourself is the first step in the self improvement journey.  But YOU are the one that has to take inventory.  Don’t let others build you up too high, but certainly don’t allow them to tear you down.  When someone else determines your highs and lows, don’t they pretty much have control over you?
  3. Don’t allow toxic thoughts to rent space in your mind. Here’s the dangerous thing about thoughts – they don’t remain thoughts. They become actions, they become attitudes, and they become words. Actions and words CANNOT be undone. They can be apologized for, agonized for, and can serve as huge weights on your conscience – but they can never be erased. If you entertain negative thoughts about an individual and keep feeding these thoughts with MORE negativity and hatred, it will come out – make no mistake about it. Think of negative thoughts as toxic waste. NOW, how long do you want them sticking around?
  4. Never “bad mouth” your loved ones to others.  I once read a woman’s quote that said something to the effect of how thankful she was that her name was always safe in her sweetheart’s mouth. I thought that was beautiful. She knew that if he ever spoke of her to his friends and/or family, it would be with kindness and love. When we speak of our loved ones, should they not be able to say the EXACT same thing? Are your loved one’s names safe in your mouth? Don’t run people down – especially those you love. Build them up… brag on them! People will make judgments about your loved ones by your own words – they’ll also judge just how much you love and pride you have for them from these same words.
  5. Don’t make excuses.  If you mess up, and come on, who doesn’t – own up to it.  Don’t try to laugh it off if it isn’t funny, don’t try to re-size it (up-size or downsize), and most of all, don’t try to put the blame on someone else.  Finger pointing is a big pet peeve of mine. Don’t. Do. It. It’s ugly.
  6. Don’t underestimate karma.  Seriously, never ever fail to give karma her due – you’ll be sorry.  I’ve been telling my daughters about her (and her keen memory and even keener sense of justice) as long as I’ve been telling them to say please and thank you.  Karma can be a rewarding, kind, beautiful seeker of justice, but she can also seem like a cruel, vindictive something or another. Either way, she has an impossibly long memory. You can’t outrun her, you can’t hide from her.  The only thing you can hope to do is to stay on her good side.  You know the old adage that says the mother is the “heart” of the home, and that if she’s happy, everyone’s happy – but if she’s miserable, everyone’s miserable?  Meet Karma… the heart of life’s home.  When you make a point of doing the right thing (whether anyone’s watching or not), Karma keeps score and your world will be more harmonious.  But when you dodge what’s right in favor of what’s wrong, you’re instantly on her ‘ish list.  And make no mistake about it, she’ll get to you.
  7. Stop doing what you hate. If you’re working in a job that makes you miserable, find another one.  Life’s too short to spend it being miserable.
  8. Stop thinking so much about money.  That’s another thing that sort of defines our generation. We never seem to think we have enough money.  Think about it this way – if we had more, we’d just spend more.  When my husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a heckuva lot of money.  When our beautiful daughters started arriving, we had even less.  More love, more happiness, more laughter – but most definitely less money.  Today, we’ve been blessed to have enough money, but guess what?  We still spend it.  We simply pay a little more for what we wear, where we live, what we eat, and what we drive.  We were as warm, as comfortable, as full, and as mobile then as we are now.  I’ll let you in on a little secret too, we were just as happy then as we are now.  We’re the same people now as we were then.  We laugh out loud at Andy Griffith reruns, get far too wrapped up in UK Basketball and St. Louis Cardinals baseball, spoil our daughters and cats, and so on.  Money buys stuff but it doesn’t buy happiness, it doesn’t buy relationships, and it doesn’t buy memories.  If you’re sacrificing any of the three in its pursuit, you’ll be more than sorry in the end – you’ll be devastated.
  9. Don’t nitpick other people!  Sorry for the exclamation mark – I just felt compelled to yell this one out loud.  How this guy wears his hair, how that woman dresses, what this person eats, how that person talks – none of your concern.  Not your problem. In the new testament, at the point where Jesus has risen and is addressing his apostles, one of them sees fit to ask Him about another apostle.  Jesus’ response was, “What is that to you?” A very loving and long-suffering way of saying, “Now remind me how that’s any of your business sir….”  We get SO off track by looking at what others are or are not doing.  They are responsible for their own lives – how they dress, where they work, how they live… Unless it is directly… directly, now… affecting you or one of your loved ones, let it go. Why bother finding MORE things to worry about or be unsettled by? Wouldn’t life be better if one looked for things to be happy about? Also, keep this in mind – if you overly criticize people, they will eventually stop trying to please you. They’ll figure, “I can’t do anything right with this so and so… so…. I quit even trying.”  If you kill someone’s creativity and confidence, how does that benefit you OR them?
  10. Finally, stop doing what isn’t working. If you’ve been working toward a particular goal and don’t seem to be gaining on it whatsoever, it’s time for Plan B because Plan A is belly up.  You can either keep wasting time and hope it suddenly flips over and miraculously starts working, or you can abandon what doesn’t work and find something that does.

BONUS: This one is my absolute favorite one… so I set her aside from the rest. A chosen, favored one to be sure.  Once years ago, I read a quote that – if there were such a thing – would be my ‘Spirit Animal Quote.’  It said, “All I’m after is a world filled with laughter.”  I’m all about laughter and had MUCH rather be accused of finding too many things funny than of finding too few things funny.

Yes, I’m one of those who laugh out loud at commercials with talking animals, and can be found doubled over with tears in her eyes while watching funny cat videos online.

I love to laugh and the sound of other people laughing is music to my ears.  Never fail to look for the humor in situations.

Here’s an example that happened to my family recently.  I was sitting beside my daughter Brittany in a “surgery waiting room.” She was waiting to be taken back for kidney stone surgery.  She was in quite a bit of pain and was almost as worried and anxious as me. Almost. There, surrounded by about 10 other people who were awaiting surgeries, we found ourselves in a totally somber setting.

Then she pointed out something to me and we both had to laugh – a “biker” came strolling through, slowly, and took a seat. On the back of his leather jacket were the words GRIM REAPER.  Brittany said, “Oh, great. What’s he doing here?”  I told her, “I thought he’d be taller.”

I don’t know, there was just something about the moment that made us laugh. She even reached for her camera phone to take a picture but the Grim Reaper sat down and his chair hid his identity.

We both decided that, yet again, we had proof of one thing – God has a terrific sense of  humor.

Just because we aren’t kids anymore doesn’t mean we have to stop looking for the fun in life. It’s there. You’ll find it if you look. Try to find the humor in as many situations as possible.

Laughing beats grumbling any day.

Sometimes we have to STOP doing things in order to START doing things.  The negatives just weigh the positives down, so ditch them on the now.

Now, I’m off to plan my epic herb garden,
~ Joi

Quote About Humor

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Self Growth, Self Improvement Tagged With: bad habits, give up bad habits, happiness, how to be happier, Self Help, self improvement

You May Not Find Them in a Medical Book…

November 11, 2012 by Joi 2 Comments

Janie in a box

Health Prompt for the Day: Write about your favorite thing that is not health-related but likely improves your life.

It’s no surprise that when it comes to writing about something that improves life, I choose animals as one of my subjects. If you know me, you know that animals light my world up.  The little black beauty in the pictures in this post is “Janie,” my oldest daughter and oldest son-in-law’s baby. She’s a character in every sense of the word!  Janie was a shelter kitten who needed them as much as they needed her. Instant laughter. Instant love. Instant family.

Some of the “prompts” for this health blogger’s challenge have been tough. Really tough.  We were given an tiny pool of “alternate” questions to choose from, if needed, and I’ve already dipped into the pool a few times. Problem is, their topics are also tough!

I’ll let you in on a little secret, though.  I love it! The extra little challenge it’s adding to my daily work routine is palpable.  I can feel my brain cells buzzing and trying to band together to come up with posts that are appropriate for my self help blog, my voice, and most importantly,  my readers.   I can see lot of the “prompts” deliciously fitting other voices, blogs, and readers – they simply don’t jive with any of us here.  Other prompts do, and those are the ones I use on most days. However, a few times, I’ve chosen a prompt that’s “dangerously close” and kind of worked with it, like clay, until it does fit me, Self Help Daily, and the most important part of the equation – you.

I’m excited about this particular prompt, because it’s a challenge in a different sort of way.  I have far more answers than I need!

Instead of choosing one of my answers and writing, at length, about it – I’m going to mention each one and write a few sentences about how they improve my life.  Naturally, my life isn’t the one you should be concerned about when you read through these.  I offer my experiences in the hope that they (or similar activities) can benefit your life as they have and do mine.

[toggle state=”open” title=”Self Help Cheat Sheets for Life!”] Naturally, when most health or self help bloggers write about anything involving themselves, it’s only done as an example to the reader.  If we write about our lessons in life (the ones where we mucked something up or the ones where we actually got it right), our habits (good, bad, indifferent), or other activities – it isn’t done to throw the spotlight on us, it’s done to tell others what we’ve found that works.  It’s as though life’s some incredible game – with the largest game board imaginable! Those who write about it are simply trying to show other “players” where they may run into trouble and – if they do – “tricks” that’ll help them back out. [/toggle]

Below are some of the things in my life which aren’t “health-related” but definitely improve my life:

1. Doing something I love. I work from home as a web publisher (a cool word which means that I am a web designer, web host, graphic artist, writer, affiliate marketer, blogger, and virtual assistant for a several business blogs.)  I never have to leave the house unless it’s a trip to the grocery store, Starbucks, or Subway. If I want to knock off early and watch a couple of Andy Griffith reruns with my inside cat, Alexa or go outside and watch birds with my outside cats Hannah and Fatima – I do. I’m able to “be” what I always wanted to “be” when I was growing up:  A wife, mother, and writer.  I never have to clock in – or out, for that matter. When it’s time to create a graphic, it’s like arts & crafts for me. When I need to write an article on one of my websites or blogs, it’s an opportunity for expression and creativity.  When I need to research a topic or topics for an article or post, I’m transported back to the library in high school. Except this time I don’t pass notes back and forth with my friends – I actually research, read, and learn!

No doubt you’ve picked up on the passion I have for what I do. That’s what I’m driving at.

What I do is not for every body.  I’ve seen some people completely lose it while trying to whip words into shape, figure their way around html, or creating graphics.  I once built a website for a man and the experience nearly cost both of us our marbles. He honestly obsessed over the shade of a particular color. I can’t tell you how many links went back and forth over this color.  When we moved past the shade of color, he obsessed over something else.  The man was a nightmare. At one point he finally said, “I think I should stay completely out of my businesses website operation. I’m not built for it.” I had to agree. He’d been such a handful that, although  extra money is always nice, I blew him off.  In his final e-mails  to me, he was basically saying, “I’ll just pay you and you do what you want with the site each month,”  I told him that he was 100 percent right about leaving the website details to others and that his time was much more valuable elsewhere.  Then I told him I was certain he could find someone to help him – and that’d I’d even help him find someone if he needed it.

It was a polite Southern gal’s way of saying, “Don’t go away mad, just go away.”

I have the luxury of telling people to “bugger off” without being called into anyone’s office. None of my cats have offices, so I’m safe.

What I do isn’t for everyone, but it is most definitely for me.  I absolutely love it – even on the most hectic days.

If you think about the number of hours you spend working each week, it won’t take long to realize how important it is to do something you absolutely love.  It’s good for you psyche, your emotional health, and your physical health.

I also love the fact that what I do for the better part of my weekdays stimulates my brain and encourages creativity.  I am unbelievably thankful that I don’t spend most of my days doing something that would permit my brain to just kind of rot.  Gross way of putting it, but you know what I mean.

[toggle state=”open” title=”Brain Atrophy”] If your job doesn’t stimulate your brain or encourage creativity, be sure to include extra activities in your life that do. Take up sports and/or hobbies that require creativity and logic. Always learn new things, and never stop trying to grow, mentally. Read often, watch educational television programs, and always be mindful of… well.. your mind. [/toggle]

Janie and Mouse

Janie with a toy mouse I bought for her. Janie’s silky hair might be the softest thing I’ve ever felt.

2. Happy Marriage and Family Relationships. I have a very happy marriage and my relationships with my three beautiful daughters and two sons-in-law are excellent. I also find that I’m on excellent terms with my furry daughters (cats) as well.  My family is filled with a cast of characters so loony you’d think they came from a sitcom’s casting agency.  We all just blend together beautifully – with no judging, back-stabbing, or ill will. There’s tons of laughter and very, very, very little drama.

When given the choice between comedy and drama, we choose comedy every time.

When I hear about couples who bicker and fight all the time, I always think, “How miserably unhealthy!” Mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Strained relationships – when one person practically walks on eggshells for fear of triggering the other’s anger, ridicule, and/or mouth – are harder on the heart that most imagine. The constant stress, the high levels of anxiety, and the complete inability to simply relax and be yourself – it all sounds like hell to me.

When people find themselves in this type of situation, they need to realize that something has to change – something has to give.  If it’s a relationship that can’t be broken (say, you’re kin to one another!), then you MUST find a way to make it work.

As beautiful as the word PEACE is, the PEACEFUL life is even more beautiful.  And it’s so healthy!

3. P.E.T.S! Having pets is one of the healthiest choices you can make.  They fill your life with so much joy, love, and happiness.  Not long ago, my e-mails with a friend I made through Self Help Daily were centered around one thing: She wanted, desperately, to know how to deal with empty nest syndrome.  Her sadness and loneliness came through each line. I told her, early on, that she needed a pet or two!  She knew she was dealing with a bonafide animal lover and said she expected me to say that!

About 2 weeks after her initial e-mail, she and her husband went to their local animal shelter and brought home three  kittens who lost their mom.  They went with the intention of adopting one baby and walked out with three because they couldn’t stand leaving two behind.  I asked her, “Do you even know how much I love you right now?!?!”

I had seen her last sad e-mail. She’d, from then on, talk about…

  • how wonderful it is to see the three of them slide across the linoleum floor when she came home from work
  • how she and her husband loved to buy them special treats and toys at the store
  • how her husband (a “dog person”) instantly became a “cat person”
  • how it’s fun to see toys lying around the house again
  • how her cats are like having a houseful of toddlers

Last I heard, she was looking forward to seeing how they react to her Christmas tree this year!

When I read her e-mail about bringing their babies home, I had tears in my eyes.  Not only did they save three precious animals and give them a “forever home” and “forever family,” the cats pretty much saved their new parents as well.  They made a home come alive again.

That’s a specialty pets have.

These are just a few of the things in my life that I know benefit me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  How about you? What things in your life aren’t necessarily health-related, but you KNOW they affect your health positively?  Is it your job, pets, family, hobbies, or something entirely different?

Is there anyone who feels that “where they live” benefits their health?

Janie

Emily walked into her dining room one day to find Janie falling asleep in a serving bowl. Because she is her mother’s daughter, Emily’s first thought was… I have to get a picture of this! Who falls asleep in a serving bowl?  Janie does, that’s who.

A life without cats? I’d never even consider it!
~ Joi

Filed Under: Health, How to Be Happy, Self Improvement Tagged With: enrich your life, health, how to be happier, how to be happy, improve your life, self improvement

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My name is Joi (“Joy”)! I am the animal lover behind Self Help Daily.

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