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Selective Memory: A Key KEY TO HAPPINESS (and Better Relationships)

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Most People are as Happy as they Make Up Their Minds to Be

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Many people like to nitpick at this quote but, to a certain extent it is spot on. Without knowing it, the great Lincoln was basically saying, “Use selective memory for your GOOD, not for your BAD. You’ll only be as happy as the thoughts you keep on repeat in your mind.”

Or something like that.

You’re Wearing a Groove

Have you ever heard an adult say something along the lines of, “I remember the time, when I was in 3rd grade, my mother embarrassed me in front of the whole class. I felt so mad at her..”  I have heard many variations and it always irks me.

First of all – seriously? You’re going to keep someone on the hook for YEARS? Years?! It grinds my gears when adults choose to remember the negative things their parents did to them (unless, of course these things were physically or emotionally abusive… in this case, therapy might be their only resource for letting go). More times than not, they are embarrassingly small things the parent did.

  • They didn’t allow them to get their ears pierced as early as their friends.
  • They yelled at them in front of friends.
  • They didn’t let them get a license until they were 17.
  • Blah blah blah blah…

Wouldn’t it be better and healthier to hold fast to good memories?

  • The time they did without new clothes for themselves so you could have the “coolest” clothes.
  • The time your mom surprised you by cleaning your room (which looked like two tornadoes had hit it).
  • The time your dad, even though he was dead tired, took the family out to eat and then to a ballgame.
  • Etc etc etc…

It’s called “Selective Memory” AND it’s called common sense.

I have a gazillion faults and shortcomings. I mean, we could trot them out, one by one, all day and only scratch the surface. BUT, this whole “selective memory” thing, I’ve got this one nailed! Heck, I was exercising “selective memory” before it even had a name.

I simply prefer to focus on the good and push the bad back into the cave it deserves to be in. I am also really quick at being able to do this. I don’t carry grudges or hold on to “done me wrongs” and I certainly don’t throw them up to or about others. What’s the point? Seriously… What. Is. The. POINT?!

Here’s a funny thing about thoughts. They wear “grooves” into your mind and the more you entertain a particular thought, the deeper the groove and the easier it is for it to ride into town (your mind) at any given time, bringing its nasty, toxic energy with it. Who in their right town mind would want that?

Naturally, it isn’t just kids remembering things their parents did. I have also frequently heard spouses play the “on the hook” game as well as parents about their kids.

“I remember when my daughter didn’t call me on my birthday until 5:15 that night. It was like an afterthought!” Then when you ask, “Was it your last birthday,” and they tell you it was 12 years ago!  Or a husband will bring up the time his wife let a car “noise” go so long the transmission had to be replace… you know… 8 years ago.

Let people off the darn hook!

Oddly enough, people who hold grudges against others never seem to think they’ve EVER made mistakes. It’s always kind of funny, actually. I even heard a couple arguing once and she was giving him the, “You said this… and you said that… and you said…” and he broke in and said, “Yeah – but do you remember what you said?!”

Her answer… “THAT DOESN’T MATTER!” I had to laugh, in spite of myself. She wasn’t just cute when she screamed it, she was incredibly typical. No one wants to remember their own wrongs.

You know why? Most of us have very positive selective memory when it comes to ourselves! What if we used very positive selective memory for everyone else in our lives? Our relationships would be sweeter and we would be infinitely happier and more pleasant to be around.

I don’t know – it’s just something to think about.

A Few Thoughts about Thoughts

  • Random thoughts can and DO pop into our minds. How long we allow them to stick around is well within our control. We choose to either toss them or dwell on them. Always remember that the more you dwell on them, the darker the imprint – the deeper the groove. Dwell on positive thoughts and memories, which will leave you with positive, happy imprints and grooves. The alternative is ugly.
  • When so-and-so did you so very, inexcusably wrong, remind yourself that you have zero idea what they were going through at the time. Whether it was a parent or spouse who very well have been worried about finances, their own aging parents, or a million other things or a child who may have been dealing with things you never realized – cut people the same slack you would want sliced off for you. Think about the positive things they did for you… you know there are many more of these!
  • Choose your thoughts wisely – they point you in the way you’ll go… physically and emotionally.
  • What you FEEL you ATTRACT.

You are going to spend the rest of your life with your thoughts. We should choose them more carefully than we do anything! Whether you realize it or not, thoughts are building blocks and they will build you a tower of bitterness or a gazebo of happiness. The choice is yours.

~ Joi


This Is How to Keep Your Journal to Become Happier

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This Is How to Keep Your Journal to Become Happier

Happiness. Gratitude. Mindfulness. Don’t we all live for that?

There’s nothing wrong with that attitude. In fact, we all deserve to be happy and we should strive towards that goal for as long as we’re living. The problem is: it’s almost impossible to be happy all the time. Most of us are far from Buddha’s smile. But, there’s a good thing about it: the journey.

The journey towards happiness is bumpy. If we want to experience pure freedom and joy, we have to dig deep into our soul and mind, and get all the trash out of there. We have to develop an immunity against stressful situations, which we’ll keep experiencing.

Today, we’ll explore a method that makes us more conscious about the happy and less happy moments we go through: journaling.

Journey. Journaling. The similarity between the words is not a coincidence. By keeping a journal, we become aware of all emotions, fears, expectations, obstacles, and joys in our journey. We are witnessing our own way towards happiness.

Now, the question is: how do you keep that journal?

Tips: How to Keep a Journal of Happiness

  1. Understand the Reason

Why do you need journaling and how will it make you a happier person? You need that answer before you commit yourself to this practice.

Mindy Bennett, a writing tutor at EduGeeksClub.com, explains why journaling makes sense: “I had a job I loved, a great partner, and tons of friends to give me support whenever I needed it. Still, I wasn’t happy. Something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I tried contemplating over my life, but that didn’t work… my thoughts were too chaotic,” – she says.

“Then, I thought: why don’t I just write? It’s what I do for living, anyway. Journaling was the most overwhelming writing challenge I’ve ever faced. I had to express my fears and deepest emotions on paper. At the same time, this was a beautiful experience. When I write about what makes me happy or miserable, I reach a stream of consciousness that keeps me going. This practice helps me understand myself.”

A stream of consciousness. A practice that helps you understand yourself. That’s what journaling is all about.

  1. Find that Motivational Booster

First, you make a commitment:

“I’ll write in my happiness journal every single day.”

Repeat that to yourself. You’ll feel inspired for an entry during the beginnings. However, you may notice that your inspiration fades away within a few days. You’ll skip one day, making the good old excuse: I’ll just write something tomorrow. That’s called procrastination, and it’s not a good habit to have on the journey towards self-realization.

You need something that will motivate you to keep journaling on the long run. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Get a beautiful notebook and a fancy pen. It sounds silly, but you’ll be surprised how these little things can motivate you to write more.
  • If you don’t like writing by hand, you can start your Penzu It’s an online service that lets you keep your thoughts private. It lets you create a pretty awesome online journal that you can enhance with photos and images you find online. You can access it from anywhere and you can rest assured it will be 100% private.

You’ll be able to search through your journal, so you’ll easily find the exact entry you have on mind. As for the inspiration, Penzu will send custom email reminders to keep you going.

  • If you’re ready to share your journey with the world, create a Tumblr You’ll turn the journal into a blog, and the feedback will inspire you to keep going. When you gain enough followers, you’ll feel the responsibility to update the journal on a daily basis.
  1. You Need Only 10 Minutes a Day

Is your mind playing tricks on you, trying to convince you that there’s no time for journaling? Look; if you can’t find 10 minutes a day for an activity that leads you to a happier life, then there’s something really wrong with your schedule.

10 minutes is all it takes. Sit down. Clear your mind. Think: are you at a good place now? Why? Why not? Describe how you feel in this very moment and what would make you happier. Don’t edit anything. Don’t hold anything back. Just pour your feelings out. When you’re done, go to bed. You’ll do the same thing tomorrow.

From time to time, you can go through the entries and you’ll see your progress. With practice, this activity will become easier. You will stop censoring your thoughts and you’ll be completely honest with yourself. When you recognize your flaws and the obstacles that prevent you from being happy, it will be easier for you to take the right action.

  1. Practice Gratitude

When you start writing about your feelings, it’s easy to focus on the negative. You’ll complain. That’s okay. Don’t hold your bitterness back. The paper (or computer screen) can handle it.

However, you should never put your entire focus on negative thoughts. Recognize the obstacles, but give credit to the good things, too. Turn this into a routine: at the end of each daily entry, write what you’re grateful about. Even if it’s the same small thing every day, keep writing it down. With time and practice, you’ll train your mind how to be more optimistic.

  1. Be Specific!

Getting into details is not a comfortable thing to do. You’re hiding some thoughts and emotions from yourself. When you write “I was happy today,” ask yourself: why? What exactly made you happy? How did that thing make you happy? Why weren’t you happy about it yesterday? How can you keep that thing going?

  • I am happy for my partner.
  • I’m not happy with the way he treated me today.

These statements are too vague. When you write something like that, you’re not digging deep enough. How exactly did your partner make you happy or miserable? Be 100% honest with yourself. Remember: no one will read your journal. It’s all about revealing the truth to yourself and finding the path toward happiness.

Are you ready to do it? Why wait? Today looks like an awesome day for journaling!

Author Bio

Antonio is a hopeless optimist who enjoys basking in the world’s brightest colors. He loves biking to distant places and occasionally he gets lost. When not doing that he’s blogging and teaching ESL. He will be happy to meet you on Facebook and Twitter.

 

 

How to Change Your Travel Habits for a Happier Life

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Autumn Road in Kentucky

Too often do you see people easily overlook the impacts traveling can have on your overall, general wellbeing. If you are spending significant parts of your day being held up in hectic traffic, then your mind will feel hectic too. It is hard to transition a stressful journey into a calm day, especially if you know the commute home will be just as bad.

Therefore, it is important to think about how you travel, and whether it is causing any negative effects towards your health. If driving to work is setting you up for a stressful day, then it could be time to look for alternative methods of traveling.

By building exercise into your travel routine, you will be reaping in double the benefits. For a start, walking or cycling to your destination will give you time to clear your head, and over time it will boost your fitness. If you haven’t cycled for years, then this is the perfect time to start again, as there are facilities and cycle lanes set up on most roads to make your journey safe. You could be surprised at how quickly you can get to your destination when you’re not sitting in traffic.

Another plus is, if you exercise more, you will also have a boost of happiness through the release of endorphins, making it a win-win option. Furthermore, you could save huge amounts of money by opting for this method of transport.

Alternatively, maybe catching public transport is the root of your problem due to the constant worry of being late and unreliable connections. Maybe you are sick of the discomfort from over-crowded buses or trains. This kind of regular discomfort can cause anxiousness, panic attacks and slowly build towards mental health issues. If you are in this situation, then it might be better for you to work out whether it is better for you to drive to work, or ask your employer if you could work different hours to avoid the heavy traffic and avoid busy times on public transport.

If driving isn’t an option because you haven’t learnt to drive yet, then you should think about learning. You could pass your test on a quick course and prepare for your theory test online here. Being able to drive will give you much more freedom and provide happiness.

However, sometimes public transport is the only effective method of travel within major cities. If you catch a train, then you are able to perform tasks driving a car would not permit. You can grab a seat, take out your laptop and/or tablet, and either relax or prepare for the working day. This is a perfect way to utilize the time otherwise spent driving, cycling or walking, and can help the busy businessperson.

Similarly, you can spend your time on public transport completing simple errands such as grocery shopping or gift buying.

There are lots of ways you can make changes to set you up for a happier life, so make sure you invest in a way of life that can help you lead a blissful, healthier lifestyle you will be thankful for years down the line.

Author Bio:
Lucy has been working in the fashion industry for six years. A dedicated follower of all things fashion and beauty, she is passionate about new industry developments. Lucy is now a full time freelance fashion writer.

How to Keep From “Losing” Yourself in the Ugliness Around Us

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Life is Too Short to Be Anything But Happy!
Never Let Anyone Else Rob You Of Your Joy or Silence Your Happiness!
First things first. Before I go any further…. I just want to say that I do not have a “side” when it comes to the recent Presidential election. I did not vote this particular election and, what’s more, while watching the results on CNN that evening, I did not feel the overwhelming “investment” I’d felt in past elections.

My personal candidate was Marco Rubio, and I greatly respected Ben Carson as well. If Vice President Joe Biden had thrown his hat into the race, I would have had a candidate in each party.  I guess I should be glad I never had to face the problem of liking too many players in the game!

Don’t get me wrong, unlike most people, I don’t feel any animosity toward Hilary Clinton or President-Elect Donald Trump. I respect many of the things they’ve done in life, including their children.  Are they perfect? No more so than you or I.  I wish both of them a world of happiness and success in life. I have no time for or inclination toward hate, bitterness, or resentment – so if you’re waiting for me to spew any ugliness, you’ll be sorely disappointed. I leave the judging to God.

I only point these facts out because there is an unreal amount of hate swirling around these days and I don’t want anyone thinking I have a political agenda. I have no such thing.  What I have is a “happy agenda” and I’ve had a bad case of it for as long as I can remember.

I want people to be happy! Not just the “smile on their face” kind of happy, either. I want people to be so happy and so in love with life that they find it almost impossible to sit still.

The present emotional climate in the world is stormy with signs of getting worse before it gets better. And this from an eternal optimist! I take no joy in pointing it out, but if you expose yourself even slightly to social media or mainstream news, you already know this assessment is spot on.

Is this a tragic situation? No……  It is what it is. History is filled with tragedies – any fellow history buffs reading this are already nodding their heads in agreement.  The Boston Massacre, the Trail of Tears, Slavery, the Civil War, Concentration Camps, and on and on. Those were unspeakable, unimaginable, and gut-wrenching tragedies.

History is also filled with protests, marches, anger, and the other situations we are seeing on an almost daily basis. These periods come and they, eventually, go.

One of my mom’s favorite quotes was, “This, too, shall pass.”  Eventually, the anger, raging, fighting, and lashing out will die down. In the meantime, I want to encourage as many people as I possibly can not to “lose” yourself in the ugliness.  If that means removing yourself from it – as in getting off of social media or cutting back on the news – do it. Do whatever it takes.

I, personally, (as a web publisher) have to stick it out. Sometimes it feels like I’m standing out in the rain without an umbrella. My main social media activity is on Twitter and, within just the past two years, the rain has felt more like a raging storm…

  • I’ve seen close friends go at one another in ways I’d never have thought possible. All because they disagreed on a Presidential candidate!
  • I’ve seen wonderful, easy-going Christian men and women who once tweeted encouraging and uplifting messages become so filled with hate and anger that their tweets should come with warning labels.
  • Put simply, hate and anger are absolutely everywhere – celebrities, corporations, news outlets, social media platforms… they’re all getting into the mix.

As I said earlier, the emotional climate in the world isn’t what I’d call tragic. However, I’ll tell you what IS tragic – seeing people lose who they are and what they stand for. It’s tragic to see individuals become so consumed with hate and anger that they cannot even carry on civil conversations. People have lost the ability to civilly disagree with others. They’ve lost the ability to accept that others have opinions that may be different from their own.

People today have the mindset of, “I’m right and if you don’t agree with me, you are wrong.”  But they don’t just stop there… they will unload on anyone and everyone with name-calling, belittling, accusations, and venomous anger.

Simply for having a different opinions.

So where do we go from here?  In addition to praying (day and night!) for things to change, we have to be on guard. We have to make sure that we don’t allow others to steal our joy. We also  have to be on constant guard for something else – we have to make sure we don’t turn into them.  Think of a zombie movie for a minute. What’s the worst possible thing to happen in a zombie movie? For the hero or heroine to become a zombie – for them to become the vile, cruel, and.. let’s face it… downright ugly zombie.

If we give the bitter, angry crowd too much of our time, our hearts, and our thoughts… we will slowly become more and more like them. What a revolting thought!

Who in their right mind would want to spend so much time angry, bitter, resentful, and mean-spirited – all while being constantly on the prowl for something else to get upset about.

A few nights ago, I saw a young man (who, a year ago, was one of the calmest, happiest people on all of Twitter) – within a span of 30 minutes – verbally attack THREE different groups of people.  Not one, not two.. but three. He hurled accusations and made a bitter little spectacle of himself. I instantly thought back to who he used to be and felt kind of sick to my stomach. Slowly but surely, he lost himself.

I hope that hasn’t happened to you and, if you’re close to “the line,” I hope this will serve as a reminder.

Actionable Ideas 

  • Unfollow any social media accounts that spew negativity and ugliness. EVEN if they’re simply reporting news – some news accounts are inherently negative and, trust me, you don’t need that in your life.
  • If you see a news story coming on that you know will “stick with you,” turn the channel. You aren’t going to lose any life points by not knowing all the news stories.
  • Each day – throughout the day – ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?”  Frequently reminding yourself that you want to be happy, positive, encouraging, and giving will help you keep from slipping into anger and will keep you from throwing an adult temper tantrum… which is possibly the ugliest thing in the entire world. Yes, even uglier than zombies. Before speaking, “tweeting,” or even “retweeting” get into the habit of asking yourself, “Is this the person I want to be?”
  • Spend more time doing what brings you joy. Enjoy sports on tv, watch old movies, read Agatha Christie mysteries (or your own favorite author, of course!), watch the History Channel, cook, take up a new hobby, play with your pet, walk… whatever your bliss is, don’t just walk to it, run to it. When “times are rough,” like they currently are, you need these blissful moments more than ever.

Life is short and we aren’t going to get a second shot in this life. Please don’t spend it worked up about things that are beyond your control. It isn’t good for your family, your mind, your happiness, or your health. Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy.

Ironically, after typing out well over 1,00 words, I think we can sum it all up in two: Choose happiness.

Keep smiling!

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Choose Happiness