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Nine Secrets Happy People Know – Part TWO

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Choose Happiness

Continued from Nine Secrets Happy People Know – Part ONE

4.  Happy People Know You Can’t Let Other People’s Lives Direct Their Own.  A director pretty much dictates how a play is going to happen.  He, or she, tells people where to stand, when to walk, how to feel, etc.  The director will tell the other people involved in the play when they’re “getting it right” as well as when they’re “getting it wrong!”

They call the shots.

An actor or member of the crew expects it and doesn’t question the director’s right to pull power trips – after all, it’s what they’re there for.  It’s all part of the system.

However, this sort of thing most definitely isn’t part of the system when you aren’t on a stage or in front of a camera.  Each individual IS their own director in their own life.  No one else gets to tell us how we should feel or how we should react.

People are happiest when they are allowed to be their own person, not who someone else expects them to be. 

Happy people, at some point in their life came to terms with who THEY are.  What’s more, they made up their mind to be that person no matter who was around and regardless of what others think.

The individual who thinks they have to be a chameleon and change how they act, talk, or even think, depending upon who they’re around, is not a happy person.  If they were happy and content, they’d wear themselves all the time and never take themselves off.

If you ever find yourself altering who you are as a person around certain people,  ask the following question, “Why am I afraid to be me around_____?”   If it’s a fear of ridicule, the next question could very well be,  “Why AM I around this person in the first place?!”

When I was in high school, I recall that it was a very “in” thing for girls to act ditzy and dumb.  I’d watch with my jaw on the ground as some of my friends would go from talking intelligently about class assignments (from Shakespeare to Spanish)  to blanking out when a boy joined the group.  Some boys would laugh and, I suppose, think the dumb act was cute?  Others would look almost frightened and take off in search of higher ground.  These boys? They were the ones who’d been worth chasing.  The ones who enjoyed the show… not so much.

When I first started going out with my husband, I was pretty nervous at first.  I liked him more than anyone I’d ever met and hoped with every ounce of my being that we’d hit it off.  I could tell he was really smart right off the bat.  I remember my mind running around in circles thinking, “If he’s smart, would he prefer an airhead or would he like the fact that, unlike the Scarecrow, I happen to have a brain?”  My mind was busy mulling over the ins and outs of that subject for the first 30 minutes of the first date.  Then, I noticed something kind of unique.  He kept asking questions – kind of like little “tests.”  Looking back, I don’t know… maybe he was testing the depths of the water.

Since I actually liked who I was and felt proud of any knowledge that I had, I went with being myself.  So when this kid with the prettiest blue eyes I’d ever seen brought up the subject of mental telepathy, I jumped right in.  When he fired random questions about random subjects, I fired the answers back – whether it was about the lead singer of Van Halen or what I’d do if I possessed telepathic powers, if I knew it…..I said it.

We’ve been happily married for well over 20 years now and one of the things that has kept the marriage the happiest is that I allow (and encourage) him to be him and he allows (and encourages) me to be me.  There’s a total and complete freedom and relaxation in knowing that you can just be you.

People who have to try to “measure up,”  “fit in,”  or “put on an act”  don’t have time to be happy – they’re too busy trying to act.  If you have anyone in your life who has this effect on you, do yourself a huge favor and set things right.  If you suspect that you AFFECT someone else in this way, do everyone a favor and set things right.

We should always accept people as they are – whether it’s yourself or someone else.

Be happy.  Be yourself.

There’s actually a flip side to this, too. Happy people ALLOW others to be who they are without trying to make them fit into a particular mold they’ve chosen.

I am, thanks be to God, a naturally happy person. I believe that, to a certain degree, I was simply born this way. My dad had happy in his dna and I inherited it from him. He loved to laugh more than anything… I love to laugh more than anything. He didn’t judge people… I don’t judge people. He looked for reasons to be happy… I look for reasons to be happy.

However, a lot of happiness has to do with a choice you make every single day. You much CHOOSE to be happy and CHOOSE not to allow anyone else to trip you up.

Here’s an example. Picture two women (both, for the most part, happy) at work one day. A co-worker does something completely illogical but our two happy women react and respond differently.

  • The first woman registers what has happened and kind of whispers in her head, “That was like something straight out of a sitcom… glad it wasn’t me!” She then goes on about her day, leaving what happened behind.
  • The second woman registers what the co-worker did and becomes irate (in spite of the fact it had nothing to do with her!). She rails to anyone within earshot about how “dumb” the co-worker is… how she would NEVER have done such a thing, etc. Her mood is completely sour for the rest of the day! She takes it to the store with her, then is cross with an employee. She takes it home with her and bites her spouse’s head off for no reason. She has take a load that wasn’t even hers to carry and burdened herself with it AND hit at least two people over the head with it.

Learning to let things go before you look like a perfect fool carrying them around hitting people is a big secret to your own happiness as well as everyone in your path’s!

Also See:
Secrets of Happy People Part 1


Nine Secrets Happy People Know – Part ONE

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Quote About Happiness

You know the old joke about the weather, right?  Everyone talks about it but no one ever does anything about it.  In the area of Self Help, our “weather” is definitely happiness.  Everyone has it on their mind, and it comes up frequently in conversation.  People want to talk about it, and they most definitely want to possess it, but when it comes to doing anything about it….. they kind of fade into the background.  The reason might be that they just don’t know HOW to be happy.

I lean toward the belief that, as Abraham Lincoln said, “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  That, of course, doesn’t include people who find themselves in the middle of grief, clinical depression or anxiety, or a physical or mental illness. Depression and anxiety can be serious illnesses that require a doctor’s care and no amount of positive affirmations or “How to Be Happy” articles will cure these issues any more than they would diabetes.

If only that were possible, I’d do all I could to close down hospitals everywhere!

This series of “Secrets Happy People Know” is for the rest of us.

So, Who Are These Happy People and What Can You Learn from Them?

Think about the people in your world.  Some are happier than others, right? Some are so happy, being around them is about like watching an episode of Andy Griffith.  Even when circumstances are foul, they’re generally light-spirited and smiling – maybe even joking around.  The good news is that they aren’t superhuman, so what happy people “have” is available for everyone.  Basically, there are nine secrets that happy people have stitched into the fabric of their lives, probably without even realizing that they’ve done so.  Three are below, the other six will be hot on their heels in the next article in the series.

  1. Happy people know, understand, and even embrace the fact that life isn’t perfect.  They stopped expecting their days to sail by without any turbulence long ago.  They’ve simply adapted their thinking and reactions to “ride” the waves rather than fighting against them.   By contrast, unhappy people think that every turbulence, every bump, every misstep is a catastrophic event.  It “wouldn’t” happen to other people – only to them.  They think God has allowed this injustice and they, quite frankly, resent it very much.  Even little events can snap the smile off of an unhappy person’s day – their balloon will burst just as easily over a slow internet connection as it would a flat tire.  When bad things happen (which they tend to do… it is life, after all), someone who is generally happy simply deals with it.  No panic, no melt downs, no throwing blame around or raising their voice.  Oh the drama – So exhausting!  Granted, the smile will disappear as they get down to business, but it’ll return right after they’ve put everything back together again.  Happy people know they can’t control life, but they CAN control the way they respond to life.
  2. Happy people don’t live in the past.  Some people feel unhappy simply because they won’t leave the past in the past.  Happy people know that, for better or worse, the past is gone – living there, or even visiting too frequently, is a waste of time and energy. Some things have to be LET GO.  You have to tell yourself – out loud even – “I’m letting this go before it proves to be my undoing.”  Happy people live in the present and realize that it can be a beautiful place if you accept it for what it is.
  3. Although it may seem ironic, happy people are the best fighters in the world.  If you think of the happiest person you know, the word “fighter” may not come to mind immediately.  After all, don’t we picture fighters as angry, determined, even mean?  In the boxing ring, sure – but think about outside the ring.  If someone is hit hard by one of life’s punches, and they refuse to go (or stay) down, how’d they find their feet?  They fought for them, and they fought hard. The harder the punch, the harder it is to stand back up… but it’s so worth the fight!  Unhappy people are actually weaker.  Usually they gave up long ago and got somewhat comfortable on the mat.  Sometimes their fights have been harder and sometimes life has called on them to fight more often.  It takes uncommon strength to find your legs when life has pummeled you to the ground, but find them you must. Your happiness depends on it.

What some people don’t realize is that happy people feel the same pains the rest of the world does.  If a happy person loses their dream home, for example, they most definitely register the pain.  They cry the tears.  They feel the loss.  BUT they don’t let the situation win.  They stand back up, dry their eyes, and look ahead to the great things that lie in the future.  An unhappy person would use an experience like this as a crutch – a crutch that will only lead them to one of two places:  Anger or Bitterness.  Neither place is worth visiting, let alone moving into.

If you’re generally, by nature, a “happy person,” give a big sigh of relief because you’ve learned one of the most important lessons in life.  If you’re an “unhappy person,” give a big sigh of relief because you don’t have to stay that way.

Unless, of course, you want to.

I didn’t think so! Watch for this series to continue as we uncover more secrets to happiness!


Selective Memory: A Key KEY TO HAPPINESS (and Better Relationships)

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Most People are as Happy as they Make Up Their Minds to Be

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Many people like to nitpick at this quote but, to a certain extent it is spot on. Without knowing it, the great Lincoln was basically saying, “Use selective memory for your GOOD, not for your BAD. You’ll only be as happy as the thoughts you keep on repeat in your mind.”

Or something like that.

You’re Wearing a Groove

Have you ever heard an adult say something along the lines of, “I remember the time, when I was in 3rd grade, my mother embarrassed me in front of the whole class. I felt so mad at her..”  I have heard many variations and it always irks me.

First of all – seriously? You’re going to keep someone on the hook for YEARS? Years?! It grinds my gears when adults choose to remember the negative things their parents did to them (unless, of course these things were physically or emotionally abusive… in this case, therapy might be their only resource for letting go). More times than not, they are embarrassingly small things the parent did.

  • They didn’t allow them to get their ears pierced as early as their friends.
  • They yelled at them in front of friends.
  • They didn’t let them get a license until they were 17.
  • Blah blah blah blah…

Wouldn’t it be better and healthier to hold fast to good memories?

  • The time they did without new clothes for themselves so you could have the “coolest” clothes.
  • The time your mom surprised you by cleaning your room (which looked like two tornadoes had hit it).
  • The time your dad, even though he was dead tired, took the family out to eat and then to a ballgame.
  • Etc etc etc…

It’s called “Selective Memory” AND it’s called common sense.

I have a gazillion faults and shortcomings. I mean, we could trot them out, one by one, all day and only scratch the surface. BUT, this whole “selective memory” thing, I’ve got this one nailed! Heck, I was exercising “selective memory” before it even had a name.

I simply prefer to focus on the good and push the bad back into the cave it deserves to be in. I am also really quick at being able to do this. I don’t carry grudges or hold on to “done me wrongs” and I certainly don’t throw them up to or about others. What’s the point? Seriously… What. Is. The. POINT?!

Here’s a funny thing about thoughts. They wear “grooves” into your mind and the more you entertain a particular thought, the deeper the groove and the easier it is for it to ride into town (your mind) at any given time, bringing its nasty, toxic energy with it. Who in their right town mind would want that?

Naturally, it isn’t just kids remembering things their parents did. I have also frequently heard spouses play the “on the hook” game as well as parents about their kids.

“I remember when my daughter didn’t call me on my birthday until 5:15 that night. It was like an afterthought!” Then when you ask, “Was it your last birthday,” and they tell you it was 12 years ago!  Or a husband will bring up the time his wife let a car “noise” go so long the transmission had to be replace… you know… 8 years ago.

Let people off the darn hook!

Oddly enough, people who hold grudges against others never seem to think they’ve EVER made mistakes. It’s always kind of funny, actually. I even heard a couple arguing once and she was giving him the, “You said this… and you said that… and you said…” and he broke in and said, “Yeah – but do you remember what you said?!”

Her answer… “THAT DOESN’T MATTER!” I had to laugh, in spite of myself. She wasn’t just cute when she screamed it, she was incredibly typical. No one wants to remember their own wrongs.

You know why? Most of us have very positive selective memory when it comes to ourselves! What if we used very positive selective memory for everyone else in our lives? Our relationships would be sweeter and we would be infinitely happier and more pleasant to be around.

I don’t know – it’s just something to think about.

A Few Thoughts about Thoughts

  • Random thoughts can and DO pop into our minds. How long we allow them to stick around is well within our control. We choose to either toss them or dwell on them. Always remember that the more you dwell on them, the darker the imprint – the deeper the groove. Dwell on positive thoughts and memories, which will leave you with positive, happy imprints and grooves. The alternative is ugly.
  • When so-and-so did you so very, inexcusably wrong, remind yourself that you have zero idea what they were going through at the time. Whether it was a parent or spouse who very well have been worried about finances, their own aging parents, or a million other things or a child who may have been dealing with things you never realized – cut people the same slack you would want sliced off for you. Think about the positive things they did for you… you know there are many more of these!
  • Choose your thoughts wisely – they point you in the way you’ll go… physically and emotionally.
  • What you FEEL you ATTRACT.

You are going to spend the rest of your life with your thoughts. We should choose them more carefully than we do anything! Whether you realize it or not, thoughts are building blocks and they will build you a tower of bitterness or a gazebo of happiness. The choice is yours.

~ Joi


This Is How to Keep Your Journal to Become Happier

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This Is How to Keep Your Journal to Become Happier

Happiness. Gratitude. Mindfulness. Don’t we all live for that?

There’s nothing wrong with that attitude. In fact, we all deserve to be happy and we should strive towards that goal for as long as we’re living. The problem is: it’s almost impossible to be happy all the time. Most of us are far from Buddha’s smile. But, there’s a good thing about it: the journey.

The journey towards happiness is bumpy. If we want to experience pure freedom and joy, we have to dig deep into our soul and mind, and get all the trash out of there. We have to develop an immunity against stressful situations, which we’ll keep experiencing.

Today, we’ll explore a method that makes us more conscious about the happy and less happy moments we go through: journaling.

Journey. Journaling. The similarity between the words is not a coincidence. By keeping a journal, we become aware of all emotions, fears, expectations, obstacles, and joys in our journey. We are witnessing our own way towards happiness.

Now, the question is: how do you keep that journal?

Tips: How to Keep a Journal of Happiness

  1. Understand the Reason

Why do you need journaling and how will it make you a happier person? You need that answer before you commit yourself to this practice.

Mindy Bennett, a writing tutor at EduGeeksClub.com, explains why journaling makes sense: “I had a job I loved, a great partner, and tons of friends to give me support whenever I needed it. Still, I wasn’t happy. Something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I tried contemplating over my life, but that didn’t work… my thoughts were too chaotic,” – she says.

“Then, I thought: why don’t I just write? It’s what I do for living, anyway. Journaling was the most overwhelming writing challenge I’ve ever faced. I had to express my fears and deepest emotions on paper. At the same time, this was a beautiful experience. When I write about what makes me happy or miserable, I reach a stream of consciousness that keeps me going. This practice helps me understand myself.”

A stream of consciousness. A practice that helps you understand yourself. That’s what journaling is all about.

  1. Find that Motivational Booster

First, you make a commitment:

“I’ll write in my happiness journal every single day.”

Repeat that to yourself. You’ll feel inspired for an entry during the beginnings. However, you may notice that your inspiration fades away within a few days. You’ll skip one day, making the good old excuse: I’ll just write something tomorrow. That’s called procrastination, and it’s not a good habit to have on the journey towards self-realization.

You need something that will motivate you to keep journaling on the long run. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Get a beautiful notebook and a fancy pen. It sounds silly, but you’ll be surprised how these little things can motivate you to write more.
  • If you don’t like writing by hand, you can start your Penzu It’s an online service that lets you keep your thoughts private. It lets you create a pretty awesome online journal that you can enhance with photos and images you find online. You can access it from anywhere and you can rest assured it will be 100% private.

You’ll be able to search through your journal, so you’ll easily find the exact entry you have on mind. As for the inspiration, Penzu will send custom email reminders to keep you going.

  • If you’re ready to share your journey with the world, create a Tumblr You’ll turn the journal into a blog, and the feedback will inspire you to keep going. When you gain enough followers, you’ll feel the responsibility to update the journal on a daily basis.
  1. You Need Only 10 Minutes a Day

Is your mind playing tricks on you, trying to convince you that there’s no time for journaling? Look; if you can’t find 10 minutes a day for an activity that leads you to a happier life, then there’s something really wrong with your schedule.

10 minutes is all it takes. Sit down. Clear your mind. Think: are you at a good place now? Why? Why not? Describe how you feel in this very moment and what would make you happier. Don’t edit anything. Don’t hold anything back. Just pour your feelings out. When you’re done, go to bed. You’ll do the same thing tomorrow.

From time to time, you can go through the entries and you’ll see your progress. With practice, this activity will become easier. You will stop censoring your thoughts and you’ll be completely honest with yourself. When you recognize your flaws and the obstacles that prevent you from being happy, it will be easier for you to take the right action.

  1. Practice Gratitude

When you start writing about your feelings, it’s easy to focus on the negative. You’ll complain. That’s okay. Don’t hold your bitterness back. The paper (or computer screen) can handle it.

However, you should never put your entire focus on negative thoughts. Recognize the obstacles, but give credit to the good things, too. Turn this into a routine: at the end of each daily entry, write what you’re grateful about. Even if it’s the same small thing every day, keep writing it down. With time and practice, you’ll train your mind how to be more optimistic.

  1. Be Specific!

Getting into details is not a comfortable thing to do. You’re hiding some thoughts and emotions from yourself. When you write “I was happy today,” ask yourself: why? What exactly made you happy? How did that thing make you happy? Why weren’t you happy about it yesterday? How can you keep that thing going?

  • I am happy for my partner.
  • I’m not happy with the way he treated me today.

These statements are too vague. When you write something like that, you’re not digging deep enough. How exactly did your partner make you happy or miserable? Be 100% honest with yourself. Remember: no one will read your journal. It’s all about revealing the truth to yourself and finding the path toward happiness.

Are you ready to do it? Why wait? Today looks like an awesome day for journaling!

Author Bio

Antonio is a hopeless optimist who enjoys basking in the world’s brightest colors. He loves biking to distant places and occasionally he gets lost. When not doing that he’s blogging and teaching ESL. He will be happy to meet you on Facebook and Twitter.