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Millions Searching: How to Be Happy

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Quote About Happiness
Do you know what over 45,000,000 people search for on GOOGLE monthly? Four words: How to be happy.  45,000,000 people. And that’s just on the main search engine.  As amazing as the number is, something struck me (after I picked my jaw off the ground): This number could potentially be tripled if you take into consideration that happiness seekers might word the phrase differently.  Some may search for ways to be happy or how to be happier.  Others may take a different approach and look for ways to snap out of a bad mood or how to overcome the blues.

Even more people aren’t even online TO search out Google’s assistance.

As part of my web publishing business, I spend at least one day each month researching what people are researching.  It feels as though I’m looking over the shoulders of scads of people as they sit down at their computer and search for answers, solutions, tips, and…. ultimately, happiness.  In addition to contact forms, e-mail, and comments, this gives me a better idea of what people are actually looking for and what they’re actually interested in reading about.

Good stuff for a writer to know, right?

Given its importance, I’m infusing a lot more articles about happiness into Self Help Daily.  I’ve created a whole new blog category called How to Be Happy.  A goal is to have over 100 articles, posts, inspirational stories, and happiness quotes under this category within a  year.

Why are so many people searching for the secret to happiness?

I can sum up the answer to that question with four phrases:

[tabbed tabs=”Life’s Tough | The Economy | Baby Boomers | Google “] [tab] Sickness, death, empty nests, loneliness, and financial problems are cruel facts of life and each are more than capable of robbing even the happiest person of a little sunshine. [/tab] [tab] Just about all of us are having to pinch pennies, sometimes so hard that our fingertips turn copper. Many are having to adjust their lifestyles and, sadly, many are losing their jobs, homes, and other things they’ve worked for. [/tab] [tab] Baby Boomers, and the generation we’ve created, are problem solvers extraordinaire!  That’s why so many mind-boggling inventions are taking place and why so many diseases are on the run. We see a problem and instantly KNOW there’s a solution to it.  When you want an answer, it’s just a matter of knowing the question to ask. [/tab] [tab] Google has made it easier than anyone to ask that question and get that answer! [/tab] [/tabbed]

Starting with number 4 (because I’m in a backwards mood today), Google – and the internet, in general – has made it so blissfully easy to find what we need, when we need it.  The information is amazing when you think about it! If we have something on our mind, BAM, we’re just a couple of clicks from advice, tips, suggestions, and much needed inspiration and motivation. So, Baby Boomers and their children head right for the most popular website destination of them all: Google! The trusty little box awaits their deepest concerns and in mere seconds, there are lists of answers waiting for them.

The economy, is blamed for just about every ill in the world right now.  The problem is, people have had a deep-down yearning for happiness long before the recent economic roller coaster. It’s an inborn desire. We all want to be happy – happy feels good.   Before I come across as the PR agent for the economy, let me admit that it adds to people’s list of woes.  We aren’t able to buy anything and everything we want (again, at the risk of sounding like a PR department, I”m not sure I’ve ever been able to do that). Tragically, many people ARE struggling. I read about people losing their jobs as well as their homes. It’s heartbreaking and it’s also easy to see why a lot of families are having trouble staying together.

I guess it’s tough to stay together when you’re struggling just to keep it together.

Life’s tough.  Amen and amen. How often do things happen to us and one of the first things we think of is, “I thought this only happened to other people.”  When I got a call that my sister-in-law had been killed in an accident, it was as though life froze for a minute as my brain tried to process it. Is this really happening? This is like something you read about in the newspaper. When the story in the newspaper (there was one, of course) hits close to home, it’s almost surreal.  This woman had fought cancer and survived and she loses her life in an accident?

Loved ones die, they get sick, they do things we wish they wouldn’t and sometimes it seems they’ve completely lost their minds.  We often have to watch as bills pile up as money refuses to keep up (talk about an epic fail in supply and demand).  Many people had to watch, with tear-filled eyes, as people they loved headed off to fight in a war they never wanted to fight in the first place.  Throw in perennial hot topics such as loneliness, coping with an empty nest, self image problems, rocky relationships, and struggles with bad habits and addictions and is it any wonder 45,000,000 people are searching for answers?

As I said earlier,  my goal is to add many, many articles, posts, inspirational stories, resources, book reviews, and happiness quotes under the new How to Be Happy category right away.

As one egg said to the other, I’d better get cracking. Sorry, I hadn’t met my corny joke quotient for the week. I have now. Thank you for your cooperation.

Also See: If You Want to Be Happy, Forget Growing UP and Grow YOUNGER!

See the too-cool-for-school tabbed box in the middle of the post above? That would be me playing with an AWESOME new plugin we bought, Shortcode Kid. I’m completely in love with this mind-boggling plugin. So many possibilities! If you have a WordPress blog, click through to check it out for yourself.

Clara and Clarence

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Flowers on Kentucky Dam Village Golf Course

“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.” – Betty Smith

I have a few people I’m excited for you to meet. You could say I”m even anxious for you to meet them! I think they have something important to teach you; a beautiful illustration to draw for you; and a life-changing way of looking at life that live inside your heart forever.  Their names are Clara and Clarence, but before making the introductions, there’s one thing you should know:  They both recently died.

There are many things in life that I do not do:

  • budget my money well
  • budget my money at all
  • pass by a Starbucks
  • stick to a diet
  • begin a diet
  • sit still
  • worry (life’s too short)
  • clean closets (life’s too short)
  • skip any of the 20,000 words women say daily
  • read the obituaries

Which is why it’s so strange that a few nights ago, while sitting with my husband, getting my 20,000 in, and looking through our local newspaper, I stopped at the obituaries section.  Some of the recently departed were represented with recent photographs and a few were represented with photographs that were apparently taken in their hey day (personally, that’s what I’d want!).  Two individuals were represented by sweet recent pictures, with pictures of each one of them below. Clever families! These two individuals (no doubt you’ve guessed by now that they’re the stars of this post, Clarence and Clara) caught my eye and I had to read more about them.

Clarence, with his very handsome pictures, was “above the fold,” so I read about him first. Kind of surreal, isn’t it? An entire life’s story summed up in 3 paragraphs. Twitter has nothing on obituaries.

First of all, I should tell you that Clara and Clarence (although their names sound as though they were twins or married SO long even their names began to look alike), were not related. They simply happened to pass away on the same day, rejoined their prospective spouses on the same day, and caught the eye of an overly caffeinated self help blogger on the same day.

Clarence wore a hat in each of his pictures. He had a precious smile in the more recent picture, and something about the smile told me he was a charmer. In the younger picture, he wore his Marine’s uniform and a serious expression replaced the smile. I guess that isn’t hard to understand.  The younger Clarence had movie star looks – with his strong manly facial features and George Clooney eyebrows.  Handsome Clarence lived to be 88 years old!  He was married to his wife for 48 years before losing her to Heaven. As I read the words, I couldn’t help smiling at the sweet reunion they surely had.

I hope he wore his hat.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

Clara’s adorable recent picture brought a tear to my eye.  Something about her eyes remind me of my grandmother’s eyes.  The same sparkle and the gleam was in this grandmother’s eyes that were in mine. Something about those eyes told me that these ladies were a lot alike, and I’m going out on a limb here, but I bet neither of them short-changed their 20,000 words a day either. In fact, Clara’s obituary stated that she liked sharing stories… that’s my girl!  No wonder I felt such a bond.

Clara beat Clarence by a few years.  This lovely lady lived to be 92 years old.  She was born in 1919!  How amazing is that? The fact that she was married in 1936 blew my youngest daughter’s mind. Clara, too, was preceded in death by her spouse. They had been married 57 years when she lost him.  The happy ending, of course, is that she found him.

I couldn’t help staring at Clara’s younger picture. What a beauty! The picture was apparently taken in the ’30s, which tells me she made one stunning bride.  In this picture, her hair’s up in the back and she’s wearing some sort of an elaborate flower in her hair.  Her beautiful face reminds me of the character Ado Annie in Oklahoma – and I’m willing to bet that  Mrs. Clara had at least as much spirit and sass.

After reading their life stories (infuriatingly summed up in mere paragraphs – I’d have loved to learn more about each), I finally pulled myself away from their beautiful faces.  I noticed that a few things lingered in my mind and heart:

  • The things each must have seen! Think about the things you and I have seen in our lifetimes. Now, imagine that these two saw all of those as well as SO much more. How fascinating it would have been to sit down with either of them and get their thoughts about past presidents, world events, inventions, fashion, cars, and more.
  • Each had long, successful marriages and were each reunited with their sweethearts.
  • One of the things said about Clara was that she enjoyed spending time with her family. I hope everyone realizes that, when it comes to their parents and grandparents, the world literally lights up when you walk through the door.  Make it happen as much as possible and keep that light burning as long as you can.
  • During their last days, how short their lives must have seemed and how fast they must have seemed to fly by.

The last thought has especially stayed with me. Think back over your own life. No matter how many years your thoughts will have to span, it seems to have all gone by so fast. Think of past silly worries (extra weight, dining room tables, “he said this instead of that,” your spouse not getting what you wanted for your birthday or Christmas, the scratch on your car…).  Today, do any of them really matter?  Don’t you regret ever spending time feeling sad, worried, or mad about the silly stuff?!

“Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.” – Grace Hansen

Make no mistake about it, each of us will one day have our lives boiled down to a couple of paragraphs. I’m not trying to depress you and I DO NOT want you to think about death.  Au contraire! I want you to think about life!  I want you to think about living your life out loud, making each moment count double, laughing more, smiling longer, rolling with the punches, loving more, and spreading happiness and laughter everywhere you go.  I want you to get as much joy and adventure out of walking through your front yard as you would on an African safari.  When you look at the world, I want you to see a playground – not places you wish you could go, cars you wish you could drive, money you wish you had…. None of that creates happiness.

Happiness comes from within, not without. Over the years, my husband and I have lived everywhere from Madisonville, Kentucky to Wichita, Kansas and from Washington, Indiana to Pensacola Beach, Florida.  From Rantoul, Illinois to Webster City, Iowa!  Shew, I’m glad we’ve settled down here in Owensboro, Kentucky – it’s not easy always remembering a new phone number, zip code, or address!

When we were first married, Michael (husband) was in the Air Force.  With a baby on the way, we lived in a tiny little apartment near the Military Base in Illinois.  You could sit on the couch and see the entire apartment. Other servicemen and their families lived in the apartment complex and people were coming and going 24 hours a day. Saying it was noisy is an understatement. Tiny, noisy… and I loved it!

“We spend too much time living in the ‘what if’ and need to learn to live in the ‘what is.’” – Rev. Leroy Allison

When Michael and I, along with our three beautiful daughters and (at the time) one beautiful cat lived on Pensacola Beach, Florida – we had come a long way from that tiny noisy apartment. You practically needed a tour guide to take you from one end of the beach house to the other. Practically the entire back of the house was glass, so we could watch dolphins, seagulls, boats, waves, and pelicans as we ate at the dinner table, as I cooked in the kitchen, and as we watched tv in the living room. Noisy? Not unless you call the sounds of the ocean noisy.

Moral of the story (do written words count toward the 20,0000? If so, I annihilate that humble little goal): I swear to you, if you take the fact that I had my 4 girls then (the cat was a girl, too)  – I was no happier in the beach house than in my noisy little apartment.  I smiled and laughed (and talked, Lord, I talked) in each home.  It matters not WHERE life puts you, it matters how much life is IN you.

It’s possibly the strangest thing I’ve ever done, but I’ve kept the pictures of Clara and Clarence. In case I ever feel the weight of the world or have cause to feel down, I’m going to look at their pictures and let them remind me that life doesn’t last forever. Life is as beautiful as it is precious and like any fun ride, there will be ups as well as downs. But are we ever really ready to get off the ride?!

If the heroes of our story could come back to earth and be the age you are right now, what do you think they’d do? Would they worry and fret over things that don’t matter or would they know that “all this” doesn’t last forever? Imagine how they’d look… I mean really look… at a butterfly or tree.  Imagine how they’d close their eyes and listen to a songbird as though it were a concert.

Most of all, can you imagine the look on their faces when they were able to see their loved ones again?! They’d embrace them with their body, heart, and spirit.

We still have it all! Butterflies, birds, trees, family, friends… they’re things we often take for granted.  The next time you see a butterfly, really look at it. SEE the beauty, fragility, and splendor. It’s like life. So much beauty but  far too often, we look past it rather than at it.

It’s my deepest hope that Clara and Clarence will help you slow down and enjoy life more. Embrace it. I want you to live life with such passion that when you leave a room, people notice the void!

Maya Angelou said it best with one of my favorite quotes of all time,  “Life likes to be taken by the lapel and told, “I’m with you kid. Let’s go!” 

Don’t ever let me catch you without life’s lapel in your hands!

Forget Growing UP. If You Want to Be Happy, Grow YOUNGER!

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Joi Tania Wygal Sigers

Am I wrong to be always so happy? This world is full of grief;
Yet there is laughter of sunshine, to see the crisp green on the leaf,
Daylight is ringing with song-birds, and brooklets are crooning at night;
And why should I make a shadow when God makes all so bright?
Earth may be wicked and weary, yet cannot I help being glad!
There is sunshine without and within me, and how should I mope or be sad?
God would not flood me with blessings, meaning me only to pine
Amid all the bounties and beauties he pours upon me and mine;
Therefore I will be grateful, and therefore will I rejoice;
My heart is singing within me; sing on, O heart and voice.
-Walter C. Smith

Is that a beautiful poem or is that a beautiful poem?!  Each time I read it, I’m left with a big smile on my face. You know, the ear to ear kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Have you ever really listened to the beautiful, free, wonderful sound of laughter?  Last night, my middle daughter Brittany was in the kitchen cooking with her on-again, off-again, on-gain, off-again boyfriend.  Or is it on now?  My other 2 daughters (also known as her sisters) and I literally have to ask each other each day, “On or Off?” because it changes that often.   I don’t panic because I remember all too well what it was like to be that young.  When these two kids (and they’re both beautiful, full-of-life, adorable kids) are “on,” they have a ball.  Last night, when they were in the kitchen cooking, there was a lot of laughter.   It made me think…. laughter is a beautiful thing!  It means the person is, at least at that moment, completely taken over with happiness and awash with joy.

I’m never happier than when my children are awash with joy and their laughter is the best music in the world as far as I’m concerned.

Adult laughter is as precious and wonderful as a child’s laughter.  Sadly, for a lot of adults, it just doesn’t come as often.  Naysayers will say that it’s because adults have so many things to worry about and take care of… that they don’t have time to laugh.  I’d be the first to wash a hog all over that, so let the hogwash begin.  Everyone has time for laughter and everyone has time to be happy.  If they don’t, they’d better MAKE time because staying on the road they’re on will make them run out of time sooner than they’d like to.

If you’d like more carefree, beautiful, reckless laughter in your life – I have something that might just help.  You’ll have to go back in time, though.  Way, way back.

Remember when you were a child (I told you it’d be way back!).  Imagine yourself playing with the kids in your neighborhood.  For me, I’m remembering long bike rides, camping in my backyard, going to the park, swimming, playing softball, and being surrounded by dogs and cats (some things never change).  I remember the happiness, the excitement, and most definitely the laughter.  Your trip back in time might conjure up bike riding, playing cowboys and Indians, and fishing.

No matter where your memories take you, you’ll notice:

  • You lived out loud.
  • You couldn’t wait to see what each day brought!
  • Life was FUN.
  • You didn’t worry about money.
  • You didn’t care how much your clothes cost.
  • You didn’t care how much your friend’s clothes cost.
  • Your world was a wonderful place in which to live.
  • You hated going to sleep at night because you might miss something.
  • You laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed…

I’m a card-carrying optimist and, admittedly, my head is almost always in the clouds.  Sorry but I love the view.  However, even I will acknowledge that adulthood brings about responsibilities – certainly more responsibilities than you had when soaring on your bike and feeling the wind in your face.  However, there’s a KEY element from our childhood that we CAN and SHOULD remember and revive.

1. EXPECTATIONS

When we were children, we had more than enough even when we didn’t.  Children who are playing with sticks are as happy as kids who are playing with their new computer games.  Children accept what life has given them and they don’t resent what it hasn’t.    They live in the moment without worrying about the next.

Too many expectations drag your spirits down.  Expectations constantly whisper in your ear, “This isn’t enough…. That isn’t good enough…. You’d be happy if only…. I need that to really be happy…”  Kids don’t have such burdens to weigh them down.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting nice things.  But if things determine your happiness and if you’re one of those people who is ALWAYS wanting something more, you may want to re-evaluate.  If you’re relying on things to make you feel good, there’s a problem somewhere.  You need to find out why you aren’t happy with what you have – as opposed to always wanting more.

Be happy with who you are, where you are, and what you have.  Let go of excess expectations.  You’ll feel lighter immediately.

2. REGRETS

I remember once, when I was about 5, I got in trouble with my mother. I’d driven my toy car into the street (pray tell, where do cars go, after all?!!).  I was rewarded for my efforts with a switch to the backside.  Apparently, I’m told that I ran to my grandmother and told her, “Mommy beat me with a tree limb!!”  No red marks, no tears… but I tried my best to pull off the “tree limb beating” story.  I don’t remember much about it, but I do remember my grandmother trying not to laugh and my poor mother producing the tiny stick for her examination.  My grandmother (“MeMe“) kept that little switch or “tree limb” on her dresser for a very long time.

No doubt, the whole affair went completely out of my pig-tailed head before it even hit the pillow that night.  Kids don’t carry the past with them.  They don’t fret over what they did or what was done to them.

  • It happens.
  • It happened.

Kids are masters with suffixes.  They know the difference between something happenING and when something happenED.  Why do adults get so tricked up with suffixes?!?!  We’ll go back (sometimes so far back that everything plays out in black and white) and retrieve past injuries committed to us or wrongs we did to others.  Isn’t that nothing more than going back for what happenED and cause it to be happenING all over again.

And we think we’re so smart!

If the memories you’re going back for cause you to smile – or laugh, as I do when I remember my grandmother’s expression – then, by all means, visit them often.  However, if they make you feel bitter, resentful, guilty, angry, sad, or bad in any way – leave them where they are and never go back for them.  Memories are funny things, the more we relive them, the stronger they are.

My husband has some sort of a button on his remote control that “pulls up” his favorite channels on the screen.  All he has to do is choose which FAVORITE destination he wants to go to (ESPN, History Channel, Golf Channel, NatGeo, Discovery…).  Memories are kind of like this.  The ones we visit the most and dwell upon the most often are right there, in the forefront.  We keep them strong and centered.

If they’re negative memories, can you imagine what that does to our psyche?

Let go. Move on. Like a kid.

3.  Control

When we were kids, we didn’t try to (or even want to) control our friends or family members.  If daddy chose to wear white shoes in November, that was cool with us.  If mom wore curlers to the grocery store, what was that to us?  If our best friend cut her hair shorter than our beagle’s, we weren’t going to lose sleep over it – no more than we would if another friend grew his hair past his waist.   We loved these people – what did it matter to us what they wore or how they did their hair?!  They were our family and our friends and we’d fight anyone that looked sideways at them.

When a lot of people become adults, they think they have to control everyone and everything around them.  They think that x-number of birthdays have made them experts.

On everything.  And everyone.

Then they wonder where their joy has gone.  It’s hardest, probably, for parents.  But we HAVE to remember that our job is to raise these precious blessings to the best of our abilities.  When they become adults, we HAVE to allow them to live their own lives and make their own decisions – just as our parents did for us.  I know you’re an intelligent person, so I won’t go into the fact that “some things” warrant intervention, no matter how old the child is.  However, it’s been my experience that most parents have the most hang ups over “little” things.

Let them go.  Your relationship with your son or daughter depends upon you being able to relinquish control.  When our kids get older, we don’t see them as often as we once did. Do we REALLY want the precious time we DO have with them to be tense and confrontational?  Allow yourself, and those around you, to be happy.  Allow yourself, and those around you, to love life and live out loud.

If you have to take a trip back to childhood to remember how it felt to be carefree and happy to be alive, then go back. If you need a special reminder, keep a picture of yourself as a child nearby.  How would he or she felt if they saw you today?  Would they want to spend time with you?  How about the teenage version of you, would they want to hang out with you?  Would they think you were fun or would they tell you, right off the bat,  “Light-en up, dude.”?

Finally, a little time travel in the opposite direction.  It’s not nearly as fun, but imagine YOU in your eighties.  If the 80 something YOU sat down with today’s version, what would he/she tell you?

  • Work harder.
  • Put in longer hours.
  • Buy a newer car.
  • Find more things to stress about.
  • Buy a newer house.
  • Make your kids march to the beat of YOUR drum, not their’s.
  • Make your spouse toe the line

Doubtful!

Don’t you think the things he/she would actually say would sound something like this:

  • Lighten up.
  • Laugh more.
  • Cherish your family and keep them close. They will always be your REAL treasure.
  • Spend more time with the ones you love.
  • Stop worrying about how you look. Seriously.
  • The world is a beautiful place. Look around you!
  • Take more pictures.
  • Eat healthier foods.
  • Stop trying to make your friends and family measure up to your yardstick.
  • Throw the damn yardstick away!
  • Stop trying to make time PAY and just make time COUNT.
  • Stop worrying about how you’ll LOOK at this age or how much you’ll HAVE.

One of my favorite bracelets is about as simple as it gets. It has one of my all-time favorite sayings on it, also about as simple as it gets: Live Love Laugh.  That’s really what it’s all about, you know.  The 8 year old you knew it.  The 80 year old you will know it.  My one hope, right now, is that the present day you is closer to knowing it as well.

Michael

Happiness is Closer Than You Think

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Quote about Happiness
 

“People with many interests live, not only longest, but happiest.” – George Matthew Allen

I’ve had several AWESOME conversations with online friends this past week. We’ve revealed secrets, hopes, and regrets.  We’ve even opened up a few cans of worms to pick through.  That’s usually a lot of fun.  So the robins tell me.

The topic in a few of these discussions has been happiness. It’s something everybody wants and wants desperately.  The problem is that every now and then life will hand you a situation that sort of stands like a wall between you and precious happiness.  You can’t climb over the wall, can’t crawl under the wall, and you darn sure can’t wave a magic wand and make the wall disappear. So, what do you do? Sit on the dark side of the wall feeling sad, lonely, and as down as you’ve ever felt in your life?

I should say not.

When you can’t climb over to happiness, you have to invite it over to you.  It CAN climb walls, crawl under walls, and even plow right through them. If happiness were a baseball player, it’d be Albert Pujols. If it were an actor, happiness would be Chuck Norris. If it were a superhero, it’d be Hawk Girl. If it were… okay, you get the picture.

When asked for my advice on happiness, whether it’s from an empty nester, someone with relationship problems, or anyone who finds themselves on the wrong side of the wall, a few of the first things I always say are:

  • Get busy!
  • Nurture your interests.
  • Develop more interests.
  • Always have something to look forward to.  Always.

Regardless of WHY a wall stands between you and happiness, the secret to happier days lies in the four keys above.   I’m not claiming that they’re miracles (I’ll leave those to God – they’re His specialties) but they WILL help you find the happiness you’re looking for.

GET BUSY

This one’s pretty self-explanatory, so I’ll kind of rush through it.  Staying busy is, to an extent, a good antidote for the blues.   However, there is a danger of becoming too busy and trying to do too much.  When we’re feeling down, for whatever reasons, we need to treat ourselves especially well. That, of course, includes plenty of rest.  So, while you should try to keep your mind occupied and your body busy, do so within reason.

NURTURE YOUR INTERESTS

Whether you’re feeling unhappy or not, you should always nurture your interests and involve yourself as often as possible in your favorite hobbies.  They’re especially helpful when we’re feeling a little off our game. When my oldest daughter, Emily, got married and (oddly enough) moved into her own place with her husband, I have to admit… I had some blue-tinged days.  The beautiful girl I normally shared morning cups of coffee was no longer in my kitchen and I was one sad mom.

I decided to throw myself into some of my favorite interests.  For example, I love all things National Geographic. So I subscribed to their wonderful magazine and have spent hours lost in fascinating locals.  Also, I’m a huge history buff, so I threw myself into self-appointed history “lessons.”  I’d pick a new subject each week and see how many things I could learn about that subject.

On a lighter note, I’m a baseball fanatic, so I memorized where each of the 3o teams has spring training. Information I will surely never use – but it was a fun endeavor and if you ever need to phone a friend, you know who to call!

I also found happiness with other interests:

  • spending time with my family and cats
  • cooking
  • gardening
  • reading
  • walking
  • watching movies
  • bird watching

Think about your own interests, then throw yourself at their mercy!  After all, our interests make us smile and isn’t that what we’re looking for when we’re feeling blue?

DEVELOP MORE INTERESTS

Once you’re busy with your favorite interests, consider adding to your repertoire.  The more, the better, right? Weather permitting, maybe you could take up gardening, tennis or golf.  All three if you’re really feisty.  Pick a few subjects that you know absolutely nothing about and learn all you can about them. Below are a few to get your brain cells humming:

  • Civil War Era
  • World War I & II
  • Cake Decorating
  • Presidents and First Ladies
  • Ancient China
  • Soap Making
  • Candle Making
  • Europe
  • Photography
  • States & Their Histories
  • Botany
  • The Oceans
  • Birds
  • Polar Bears
  • Gangsters! Bonnie & Clyde, Dillinger, Lucky Luciano (I don’t even know who that is – fingers crossed that he was a gangster), Al Capone, Billy the Kid, Frank James, Jesse James…

Learning new things (whether their information or hobbies) is exciting.  It’s great, great fun and most of the time is completely free. What part of that isn’t a good time waiting to happen?

ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO

One of the keys to real happiness is to make sure you always have something to look forward to – whether it’s favorite tv shows throughout the week, sports on tv, Friday night trips to the theater, lunch with your kids, etc.  Make a point of setting up particular events – events that happen on specific days.

Also, plan get-togethers and holiday parties.  Lining up the menu, practicing new desserts, buying decorations, and generally planning the whole affair will give you plenty of things to look forward to and get excited about.

Then, when the big day comes, wow everyone with your mad knowledge of Jesse James.

As for me, I’m off to research Lucky Luciano. Isn’t it weird how a name can come to you out of the blue?  Maybe I was visited by his ghost… okay now I’m just creeping myself out.

Bernhard Langer Serves a Self Help Lesson

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But when I play, I still practice hard and focus on my game. – Bernhard Langer, Winner

I was enjoying a round of golf a few days ago, courtesy of the Golf Channel.  Had I been actually golfing, enjoyment would have been at a minimum, pain and suffering at a maximum (for all involved, just ask those I’ve maimed and bludgeoned on miniature golf courses).  One of my favorite golfers, Bernhard Langer, was doing something he’s very familiar with… winning.

No pain and suffering with Mr. Langer – just pure, beautiful golf.

His flawless swing isn’t the only reason I’ve always been such a fan of this brilliant German golfer.  He’s a class act.  He’s a winner.  He doesn’t seem to have a malicious, proud, or arrogant bone in his body.  He has worked hard to get where he is and is a perfect example that, with all due respect, good guys very often DO finish first.

Quite often.

My husband, Michael,  is another guy who fits the descriptions above – except for the flawless swing part – I wipe the miniature golf course up with him (it’s my story).  Michael often looks at certain athletes, politicians, or athletes and says whether or not he thinks they’d be a good “dinner companion” or fun to play a round of golf with.  If you ask me, Mr. Langer would be such a person.

As I was reaping the feel-good benefits of watching a favorite athlete win (as a Denver Broncos fan, I’d lost touch with these jollies), the announcers said something that made me shift from sport spectator Joi to Self Help Blog Joi. They were talking about how much time Bernhard Langer puts into practicing his game.  One of the announcers said that Bernhard doesn’t just try to improve each year or week, he tries to improve with each swing.

That really struck me as a fundamental truth in self improvement and self growth.  You could make a case for it being THE fundamental truth.

If, like Bernhard Langer, we want to win on a consistent basis – in whatever field or area we “compete” in – we have to work on improving each move we make, each word we say, each thought we entertain, and each activity we take part in.  We can’t just look at the big picture at the end of the journey, we have to look carefully at each step along the way.

Here’s an example, and, sadly, like many of my examples, it involves your’s truly learning her lesson the hard way.  Sigh.

As you may know, our oldest daughter, beautiful Emily (more like gorgeous, but I want to keep her grounded) , was married last October.  She gave me plenty of notice about the upcoming nuptials.  In fact, she gave me nearly 12 months notice.

Like all mothers of the bride, I decided that I simply HAD to be a particular size before the wedding.   While my present size could serve me well enough for day to day life, it was NOWHERE good enough for my baby’s big day!   During the many months leading up to the wedding, we had a ball – the funnest part was watching the bride-to-be begin to come unglued.  The girl is the calmest, most in control, level-headed person in the world.  The only one in her vicinity is her dad.  But as the big day approached, she became as scatter-brained and punchy as her other parent.  Sometimes she’d just laugh out loud, seemingly at a joke only she heard.  I thought, Finally! There’s my DNA!

Through it all, I kept looking at the big day – it was my “vision board,” I suppose.  I pictured the cake, the aisle runner, the bride in her breathtakingly beautiful dress (how must it feel to have a waist that Shaquille O’Neal could put his hand around?), the centerpieces, and me in the dress size of my dreams.  Ah, it’d be Nirvana.  Nirvana covered in Calla Lilies.

With the decorations and other planning, we looked, not just at the end result, but at each step.  THESE calla lilies will look elegant with THAT lace…. THIS ribbon will compliment THAT arrangement, etc. I’m not sure how my husband or son-in-law kept their sanity. Little existed for the females in our family during those months that weren’t covered in white lace and satin.

Meticulous.  We were meticulous.  Except for the one area where I dropped the ball.  Fortunately, it was a ball that only affected me, so I dropped it on my own foot.

The entire time, I just looked at the final picture – the mother of the bride in the dress size of her dreams.  How great it’d feel to be THAT size.  My only concern was that I’d be so proud I’d pluck the label out to show off the number.  Suffice to say, it was a temptation I never had to face down.

I didn’t reach the number and, looking back, I clearly see why.  I didn’t look at each step along the way. I also didn’t look at each Latte, each doughnut, each fried catfish fillet, or each time I thought walking leisurely was funner than jogging.  You tell me, how can you talk about cake toppings when you’re huffing, panting, and trying to remember how to inhale?!?

When the announcers pointed out that Bernhard Langer worked to improve his game with each swing, it brought it all home.  If, each day I had worked on physical fitness with each decision, I’d have probably worn the same size my daughter wore.  I should, of course, make a point of saying this: The day was sheer perfection and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  My dress was one of the prettiest dresses I’ve ever seen and I’m not sure it was even available in the elusive size!  So, all’s well that end’s beautifully, but I did learn a lesson.

It’s a lesson for all of us, isn’t it?  Whatever our goal is (whether it’s domination of our field, an elusive number, a Ford Edge, or a bulldog puppy), we have to work for it with each decision we make and each thought we entertain.

It’s the difference between carrying away the trophy and carrying away regrets.

Bernhard Langer Quotes:

So when I was told to work, ten, twelve hours a day as an assistant pro, I didn’t complain. It was normal.

I like reading my bible, I like bible studies where I get together with others and talk about the word of God and how it relates to us and how we can change to become more like him.

I crack jokes and play games and that’s really more my nature than being cold.

We are all human beings with our own little knick-knacks and ways of doing things.

There are far more important things in life than making a putt or missing a putt or winning a championship or losing a championship.

We all know, the ones who play golf, know what a wonderful game it is and what a great past-time it is.

You can’t cover people with perceptions because we are all different.

You know, why the game of golf is popular? Very easy, it’s a great game.