love

I came in from grueling yard word yesterday looking for a reason to just lie in one place without moving.  As always, reading presented itself as therapy.  I grabbed an old issue of  Yoga Journal and found an article that was beyond fascinating. The entire article was composed of three different authors discussing their worst traits. What made it all the more fascinating was that I recognized so much of myself in one author and so much of my husband in another.

The author who proved to be my kindred spirit said that her worst trait was that she wore impossibly thick rose-colored glasses. I guess she shopped for her’s at the same place I got mine. I also thought it was interesting that, like me, she’s an only child.  I wonder if we’re more prone to come equipped with these glasses than others?

These glasses really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. You go along thinking everything’s grand and glorious, then reality knocks them off your face (temporarily, of course, because we always throw them right back on) and you see that everything’s not always rosy.

For example, let’s take the concept of living within a budget.  Someone who sees the world, pretty much, as a fairytale would never expect to see anything but castles. We’re certain that we can spend whatever we feel the urge to spend on the 3rd day of the month. After all, the rose-hued world will leave a gift on their doorstep by the 6th. So, if on the 3rd, buying pretty new pillows for the sofa and a killer set of bathroom towels makes us smile – you’ll find us in our favorite store, happily filling our basket.

If someone were to ask, “Did you win the lottery?” – our response would be, “Any day now!”  Then we’d make a mental note to buy a lottery ticket.

My kind also tends to put off going to the doctor – another ridiculous mistake. We’re just always certain that “Everything will be fine…wonderful even.” Truth be told, we need to make a conscious effort to let a little more reality into our world. The problem is, it’s tough! It goes against the grain – and going against the grain is never any fun.

I was also amazed, while reading the article, how much of my husband I saw in another of the author’s stories. This author said that her worst trait was being overly critical. Her children would often not let her see their homework because they KNEW she’d find something to criticize. The author said that she got the trait from her mother, and that while her mother drove her nuts – she did push her toward a great deal of success.

Someone who is overly critical will find the tiniest flaws or problems where others don’t see them. (Then they point them out to those of us in the colorful glasses. We lean in, peering with all of our might…and go, “Nope, still don’t see the problem…” This is when they snatch the glasses off or our faces – just long enough for us to say, “Oh. There ’tis.” Then they give us our glasses back and mutter under their breath as the words, “That’s not a biggie.” are coming out of our mouth. )

I guess what struck me the most, after reading this article, is this: In 4 days, my husband and I (a couple who define the term opposites attract) will have been very, very, very happily married for 25 years. Life has thrown us more curve balls than one can even imagine – but, we’ve taken what has come our way without ever leaving the other one’s side.

Something just occurred to me, too. He actually only tried to take my beloved rosy glasses off once in our life. I was very sick and getting sicker by the day. Losing weight, feeling terrible…. Blindingly, I trusted my doctor, who as it turns out, was slowly killing me (another one of those curve balls). Off came the glasses and my husband took me to a doctor in another state. This doctor took great care of me, and as soon as I was back on my feet, I got my rose colored glasses back – good as new.

That’s just so me.

25 years. We’re proof that even complete opposites can have a beautiful life together. A lot of it has to do with accepting how others are, even if you don’t understand how they got that way or how they can possibly think their way is right and your way is wrong. Nonsense!

I’ve always tried to teach our daughters that you have to let others be who they are. No one has the right to try to change another person, just to fit an image of who they think they should be. The puzzle pieces either fit or they don’t. If you spend more time trying to whittle away and force a fit than you do enjoying a life together, then you have a bit of a problem.

And when I say “a bit of a problem,” I mean a huge one that’ll only snowball into a larger one. Allow someone to be who they are – if you love them you should love the very thing that makes them… well… them.

If you can realize that having different opinions can be a healthy and invigorating thing, you’ll come to accept the other person just as they are.  Being with someone who is just like you would never bring about growth, in my opinion.  It’d never stretch your view of the world or challenge your thinking.

Remember, no one wants to be around someone who is always trying to “fix” them. Eventually they’ll find someone who doesn’t see them as broken. When it comes to relationship advice, what you just read is at the very top.

Having a happy, healthy relationship doesn’t mean you’ll never fight. Come on, how dull would a couple be if they never argued?!  They’d be like soggy Corn Flakes. Blah. Sometimes a little crunch is a good thing. Just remember to bury arguments when they’re over and done.

I was behind a man in the store yesterday when I overheard him telling the cashier, “I don’t have a Valentine anymore. She died two years ago.” The sadness stopped me dead in my tracks. The cashier (brilliant beyond her teen years!) said, “Oh, you still have her, you just don’t have to buy her chocolate anymore.”  The man laughed and said his wife never shared the ones with the nuts. You mean you’re supposed to share?

If you are blessed enough to have a valentine, thank God above for what’s one of the most beautiful of all gifts. I can’t even put into words how thankful I am for my valentine. When I first saw him, in an arcade in the 80’s, he took my breath away. I went home and wrote in my diary that I’d just spoken to the boy who’d be my husband one day. I remember writing something to the effect of, “He has the most beautiful blue eyes and he makes me laugh. I think we’ll have lots of children. Maybe soon I’ll find out what his name is. For now, he’s Mr. Right.”

Ah, the beauty of rose colored glasses! He still takes my breath away.  He still has the most beautiful blue eyes, still makes me laugh, and will always be Mr. Right.

Sometimes life seen through the rose colored glasses actually comes to pass and when it does, it’s the most beautiful thing ever.