Self Help Daily

Inspirational and Self Help Blog with a Save the World Complex...

You are here: Home / Archives for positive affirmations

positive affirmations

Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives

by 5 Comments

Quote About Being Yourself

I’m about halfway through a wonderful book, How to Think Like a Millionaire (I hope to have the review up soon!).  It’s one of those books where you find yourself, not only taking notes, but closing the book every now and again just to let everything soak in.  After this morning’s reading, I was basically a sponge.

I just finished a section on Positive Feedback vs Negative Feedback and the impact they have upon our subconscious mind and the absolute power our subconscious mind has over our lives.  Everything rises and falls according to the strength of our subconscious mind, so keeping positive and life-affirming thoughts therein could make ALL the difference.

The Live-Changing Power of Positive Feedback

When I got up from reading to make my husband breakfast, I was still thinking about what I had read.  I realized how, in my own life, positive feedback had a huge impact on me.  My mom and dad were forever telling me what a “good” child I was, how they never had to worry about me getting into trouble, and so on.  That early reinforcement, I’m sure, had a great deal to do with the fact that I never DID get into any trouble.  When I was in my 30’s, a few months before I lost my father – my dad told one of his nurses that the only trouble I ever gave him or my mom was one solitary speeding ticket.

I told him at the time that it was because I was perfect – but I’m absolutely sure that’s not completely honest!

I believe that the same scenario plays out for kids who are constantly told that they’re “bad,” “difficult,” or “spoiled.”  They live down to those words the way the lucky kids live up to the ones they hear.

As I kept thinking, I realized another area where positive feedback affected me greatly.  I believe that one of the reasons I ever fancied myself a writer had to do with things my aunt told me years and years ago.  Penny (my mom’s sister and an aunt I’ve always been VERY close to) and her husband (Bobby – LOVE him too!) had to move to another state when I was really young.  It was really hard on all of us, but Bobby had an amazing offer in Ohio that he would have been a fool to say no to.  He’s the master of corny jokes, but a fool he’s not.

When they left, I missed them terribly, so we started writing a lot of letters to one another – oh, to have had e-mail and social media back then!  When they came home for Christmas, she went on and on about how much my letters meant to her and Bobby.  She said she always looked forward to them and saved each one.  When she said they “made her smile” because they were like visiting with me, I began to associate true, beautiful power with words.

Many years later, when I got married and we had to move to Kansas, I had a lot more letters to write.  I still wrote to Penny, but I also wrote to my parents and my grandmother.  Each one of them always told me how much they loved reading my letters, how they kept them and often re-read them.  My grandmother even told me how she read them to her friends, and that they enjoyed my “way with words.”

Positive Feedback, friends.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that all of my loved ones were right and I’ve had a fascination with words and writing since.

When I handed my smiling husband his breakfast, I thought of yet another area of positive feedback touching my life. Early in my marriage, I fell head over heels in love with cooking.  I started collecting cookbooks and even began coming up with my own recipes.  He’d often have his single friends over to our house for supper.  I often overheard him talking about my “wonderful” cooking and it made me believe I was the greatest cook in the world.  The fact that he and our daughters are always so complimentary about my meals, desserts, bread, etc. only makes me love cooking more and more.

I am very, very blessed that the people I love most in this world have always made me feel like I could do anything. It makes me very sad to think there are others out there who don’t have this positive feedback in their life.

A Lack of Positive Feedback

I wonder if one of the main reasons people become discouraged and give up is because they don’t get enough positive feedback. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the couple who has been together for several years. She begins to feel he doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the words. The positive feedback, early in the relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong.

The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often give up because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever good enough.

The Pitfalls of Negative Feedback

The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the comments say they are. Many even tune the negativity out to a certain degree, after all, who wants to constantly hear how worthless, stupid, wrong, irresponsible, or bad they are?!?! But it goes much deeper than them tuning it out. They begin to believe it. When someone believes the worst about themselves, they stop even trying.

However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. After they’ve gotten enough positive feedback, they begin to give themselves MORE of the same feedback, then… look out!

The Most Important Feedback of All

As important as the feedback we get from others is, it’s not the most vital feedback. That feedback is the one we feed ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, usually inside our own minds, determine how successful we will or will not be. We are, basically, what we think we are.

The words below are just some of the words we use to cripple ourselves:

  • I’m too old
  • I’m too fat
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I never catch any breaks
  • I don’t have enough money
  • Nobody loves me
  • I’m lonely
  • I can’t do anything
  • I’m so depressed
  • I am so sick and tired of…
  • My live sucks!

When we feed ourselves words like this, we’re feeding ourselves a type of poison. Anyone who feeds these words to another person (especially someone they supposedly love) should be even more ashamed.

Start thinking more about the feedback you give to others and to yourself.  The words you say to and about the people around you makes them better or makes them worse.  If you beat them down, that’s where they’ll stay.  If you build them up, that’s the direction in which they’ll grow.

Now let’s change the pronouns a little:  If you beat yourself down, that’s where you’ll stay.  If you build yourself up, that’s the direction in which you’ll grow.  How far can you and I grow?  As far as we want to!

How to Think Like a Millionaire

The book below, How to Think Like a Millionaire is a must-read as far as I’m concerned. It’s all about altering your mindset – the millionaire part has absolutely nothing to do with it. What matters is believing that you deserved the best from life… because you absolutely do.


How to Use Positive Affirmations to Create More Positive Energy

by 4 Comments

 Quotes About Positive Affirmations

 

No doubt you’ve heard about positive affirmations.  You’re probably even a believer in the power of positive affirmations. But do you actually use them?  Do you give yourself the extra boost that comes from creating more positive energy in your life?

Positive affirmations have the power to change your life because they have the power to change you. From your mindset to the way you go about your day, there’s no area of your life positive affirmations can’t benefit.

Before we get to positive affirmations, let’s think for a minute (but just a minute, okay, because they’re bad news) about negative affirmations. Negative affirmations are equally powerful and pack their own kind of wallop – as in knocking you down, kicking you in the liver with steel toe boots, and then spitting in your face.

I told you they were bad news.

Negative affirmations are those unkind, hurtful, and destructive little things we frequently say to and about ourselves.  Sometimes we say them out loud but we usually play them for an audience of one, ensuring that we’re the only ones that hear them. Problem is, we’re the only ones that NEED to hear them for them to do their damage.

Imagine, for a scary minute, that someone followed you around all day and all night.  Each time there was a lull in the conversation, they’d lean in and whisper something like, “You’re too fat for that outfit…” or “You look really old, you know that?”  How about the one we all love to hear, “There’s NO WAY you can do this… absolutely NO WAY.”

So long, self esteem… nice knowing you!

We take on the scary role of this evil stalker every single time we cut ourselves down with negativity.  The sooner we learn to stop in our tracks before any negative venom comes spewing out of our mouths, the better.  What’s the best way to make the negativity stop?

Simple. Replace the negative with positive.

Pull the plug on negative energy and fill your life up to the brim with positive energy.

If we train ourselves to get into the habit of practicing positive affirmations, we’ll begin to build ourselves UP rather than tear ourselves DOWN. But notice the words “train” and “practice.”  They’re our cues that this is a pro-active exercise, not a passive mindset.  You don’t tell yourself one day, I’m going to start being more positive, then expect it to happen magically.  That’d be like using shampoo one night and expecting your hair to stay clean for the rest of your life.

When you implement change in your life, you must be mindful of it each day. You have to purposely commit to making a positive change on a daily basis. If you’re one of those who tends to bash yourself regularly, this so-called daily basis may be more of an hourly basis.

So, if the best way to get rid of negative affirmations is to replace them with positive affirmations, where do you start?  Let’s start at the heart of the matter.  What area or areas do you criticize, condemn, and ridicule yourself in the most?  Is it your appearance… your age… your education… your job? Do you have bad habits or shortcomings that you consistently beat yourself up over?  Is there a particular aspect of your life you want  to improve? The answer(s) to these questions will give you an idea of what positive affirmations you need to focus on.

It’ll also put the negative affirmations on notice – they’re about to get kicked to the curb.

The best positive affirmations are those that are short, direct, clear, and assume the desired outcome has already happened.  For example, if an individual feels held back by shyness and wants to be more outgoing,  a few positive affirmations would be:

  • I’m Outgoing and Confident.
  • I am confident.
  • I am a confident person.
  • I boldly voice my opinions.
  • I stand up for myself.

Experts say that one of the most important things about choosing positive affirmations is to keep any and all negative or potentially negative words out of the mix.  That’s why using an affirmation like, “I am confident” is better than saying, “I am not shy.”  The word shy is the very concept you’re trying to avoid! If you say, “I am not shy” throughout the day, you are still reinforcing the shyness.  Whereas if you say “I am confident,” you are reinforcing the word confident?

See the difference? It may seem small, but it’s actually huge.

Someone may ask, “How about using the words I FEEL confident?”  While that’s still a better choice than “I am not shy,” I personally think it’s still second-best. Why?  Too much wiggle room.  If you say “I FEEL confident,” it kind of implies that it’s a momentary thing.  As in, you’re wearing your favorite blue top, so you FEEL confident.. but when you change back into your white one… the confidence might just bottom out!  Saying you “feel” a certain way isn’t the same as saying you OWN the train and OWN the situation.

Again, it seems small – but it isn’t.

Finally, choose TOP SHELF adjectives.  This would mean going with, “I make great decisions” rather than “I make good decisions.”  Using good rather than great implies room for improvement and, while that may be true, you don’ t want to dwell on that in your affirmations.

So, make your positive affirmations…

  1. 100 percent positive – without a single negative or undesired trait mentioned
  2. direct and to the point
  3. free of wiggle room!
  4. top shelf

A unique approach

I once heard a positive affirmations cd that was filled with positive affirmations in the form of questions.  The man would say things such as, “Why am I so happy?,”  “Why do I make the right decisions?,” etc.  The thought process behind these questioning affirmations was, apparently, that you’d be forced to focus on the answers.  I can see how this approach would be fantastic for a lot of people.

So, now you know the importance of positive affirmations, how can you sneak them into your life?

While there are some truly wonderful Positive Affirmations available for downloading and using immediately, you can also come up with your own.   If you use these, just be sure you repeat the affirmations, yourself, and don’t merely listen to someone else stating their affirmations.  That really won’t do you much good, will it?

The best way to have custom, personal affirmations is to make them yourself. In addition to using affirmations for personal areas you want to improve in, use general affirmations such as:

  • I love my life!
  • I love my personality.
  • I have a great sense of humor.
  • I am great at ____ (writing, cooking, your job…)
  • I am fun to be around.
  • I love who I am.

You just have to remember to use these affirmations daily – several times a day, in fact.  Some people have suggested recording yourself as you slowly and confidently say your affirmations and playing the recording several times a day. I can’t say I’ve ever done that, myself, but it seems like a pretty cool idea.

I’ve also read that a lot of people write their positive affirmations on index cards or notes of paper, then leave them in random places where they’ll be reminded to use them.  While I certainly use index cards for motivational quotes, inspirational words, and reminders, I think of positive affirmations as a really personal thing – for my eyes only. However, if you don’t have a lot of other eyes around, index cards could serve you well.

The most important thing is to surround yourself with as much positive energy as possible. Come on, how could that be anything but a great thing?!?!

Be the most electrifying positive energy in your world!
~ Joi