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You are here: Home / Archives for self esteem

self esteem

Liking Yourself and Self-Esteem: The Heart of it All

July 6, 2010 by Joi 3 Comments

“The more you LIKE yourself, the less you ARE LIKE anyone else, which makes you unique.” – Walt Disney

I spend a lot of time thinking.  Now I’m not saying that’s always such a good thing… nor am I always fully equipped for the sport.  However, it is what it is and I am a thinker.  I’ve been thinking a great deal about self-esteem lately.  Self-Esteem – it even sounds high brow, doesn’t it? But it isn’t – it’s simply the state of liking yourself and being comfortable with the good looking person you see in the mirror.

Yesterday, my husband (on Twitter) bemoaned the appearance of some recent WordPress themes.  Seems they simply aren’t what he has in mind for his golf blog.  He’s one picky guy, but geez I could have told them that.  Whether it’s a Christmas present, a lawn mower, a trellis, a movie, or a theme – once he gets an image in his mind of what he wants or expects, nothing will “do” and nothing will be “good enough” until reality measures up to his mental picture.

He’s a perfectionist – with himself and the rest of the world.   Again, it is what it is – not all great, not all horrible.

Anyway….  he unleashed the hounds.  He made some designers (and even some who weren’t… go figure that one) turn into savages.  Spitting, cursing, eye-bulging, fist-clinching savages.  It was a little too much drama for me for a Monday, but my Cardinals weren’t playing  – so the entertainment was kind of welcomed.

What was even more welcomed were the three guys who stepped away from the crowd.  Two pointed Mr. Perfectionist in a direction where he might find something he had in mind and one (a super cool coder from St. Louis) good-naturedly told him that he was accepting this as a challenge… kind of a “class assignment.”

Apparently class had already been assigned to this man long ago.  I’d wager that this gentleman has a great deal of self-esteem as well.

The thinker in me, naturally, kicked in.  Like I said, baseball wasn’t on…..

In the quote at the top, Walt Disney points out how important it is to like yourself – how that doing so will make you unique.  Personally, I think there’s something else that’s remarkable about people who genuinely like themselves… they’re cooler people.  When you’re comfortable and at peace with the person you spend 24 hours a day with, it makes your disposition much cooler…. and much harder to rattle.  When people have self-esteem, they’re simply too cool to instantly heat up and too steady to shake.

I honestly think that a lot of the grouches in the world, those who always seem angry at someone or something, simply don’t like themselves very much – or, at the very least, something in particular about themselves.  They come across as angry at the world because they’re angry at themselves.  Their attitude sucks because, as far as they’re concerned, something about their life sucks.

How much better (and quieter) would it be if they pinpointed what they disliked about themselves – the thing they aren’t comfortable with – and took action.

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (More quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A lot of people who seem to have personality problems, in truth, simply have a personal problem.  Many times they expect too much out of themselves. They expect themselves to be totally without blemish, fault, or flaw.  They forget that there was only one human who this description fit… and he was killed for it!

I think this whole “self esteem” and “liking yourself” problem is behind many ills in our homes and relationships.  The person who gets overly angry about a criticism actually feels pretty weak or insecure about it. If not, why get so mad?  If someone told me that I didn’t grow absolutely beautiful flowers, I’d laugh at them.    If they told me my world-famous Almond White Cake from Scratch with Homemade Creamy White Icing wasn’t delicious, I’d realize they were born without taste buds.  I’d pity them – then I’d go back to eating my cake.

I also believe that the reason some people age better than others boils down to self esteem.   Look at Helen Mirren – she isn’t scared of looking her age or insecure about aging… the lady’s capitalizing on it.  And beautifully, at that.  She likes herself and is totally comfortable with who she is.  Contrast that to the actresses who are going under the knife more than peanut butter fudge (what is it with me and sweets today?).  There are some celebrities who are so uncomfortable with themselves that they’re plastic surgeon regulars before they’re even out of their twenties.

When they’re Helen Mirren’s age, they won’t be starring on the big screen, they’ll be starring on websites poking fun at them.  And they’ll be just as miserable as they are now.

If there is anything – anything at all – you don’t like about yourself or anything you feel insecure about, write it down.  Consider this the most important TO DO list of your life, because it is.  It can be something as major as “I don’t like my temper” or as superficial as “I hate my hips!”  Maybe you feel insecure about being able to talk in public (who doesn’t?) or maybe you’re insecure about your vocabulary.

The point is, if you sit down with yourself for about 10 minutes, you can pinpoint the area(s) you truly feel insecure about.

“The most difficult secret for a man to keep is the opinion he has of himself.” – Marcel Pagnol

When you have your TO DO list, I want you to turn it into a WILL DO list.  Just like that!  You know the old quote, “When all’s said and done, more’s said than done.“?  Don’t ever let that be you – ever.  If your TO DO list just sits there, it’s of little use to anyone.

Your TO DO list needs to evolve – from a TO DO list….

……..to a WILL DO list…..

and, finally…..

……..to a DONE list.

To do, will do, done.  To go from one to the next takes will power and determination.  But what’s the alternative?  Not evolving, not getting anything done, failure.  Thanks be to God that caterpillars don’t “wimp out” – otherwise there’d be no butterflies in the world.

“You may find the worst enemy or best friend in yourself.” – English Proverb

Granted, it all sounds easier than it is.  If someone isn’t happy with their temper, weight, public speaking, vocabulary, financial situation, etc – it takes more than just WISHING things were different.  The individual has to MAKE them change, no one’s going to do it for them.  In the end, though, a lot of it is just good old fashioned common sense.

Let’s take a scenario.  “Jane Doe” (it appears I can’t get my mind off sweets long enough to be very original) has started a new job and feels woefully insecure about her ability to speak in public.

Her TO DO list may read something like:

  • Gain confidence in public speaking
  • Find out what others know that I don’t know!
  • Improve my vocabulary

Jane’s WILL DO list may look something like:

  • Take a course in public speaking at the local community college
  • Read all the books I can get my hands on that deal with public speaking
  • Attend a few Public Speaking seminars or workshops
  • Take online grammar and/or literature courses
  • Write down every new word I come across, along with the definition
  • Read more
  • Go to the library and walk out with a selection of vocabulary and public speaking books

The DONE list?

  • I’ve gained so much knowledge about public speaking and feel so confident about my vocabulary that I’m looking for opportunities to speak publicly rather than running from them.

See Jane win.

We all have areas we can improve in – big areas, small areas, “deep” areas, “shallow” areas.  Like my quest for Jillian Michael’s abs (sick, just sick) or Michelle Obama’s arms.  Seriously, women?  Must you set the bar so high and must those definitions be so pronounced? Just picturing these ladies right now pretty much defines my TO DO list.  My WILL DO list involves yoga and weights (per chance if I could move beyond 10 pound weights, I’d have more luck).  My DONE list?  We’ll see… but my wardrobe has sleeves until then.

Could there be a correlation between a sweet tooth and… nah.  It’s the weights.

“While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.” – Henry C. Link

See More quotes about self-esteem.

Filed Under: Daily Quote, General, Positive Thought, Self Help Tagged With: inspirational quote, self esteem

How to Boost Your Self Esteem and Confidence

March 7, 2006 by Joi Leave a Comment

Norman Vincent Peale Quote About Confidence
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale

It’s normal to feel insecure from time to time, to doubt your abilities and talents, and even – on occasion – have difficulty finding any kind words for the person you see staring at you in the mirror! Even the most self-confident people in the world feel uncomfortable in their own skin every now and then.

The problem is, if you let this mindset stick around, it won’t be long before your levels of self confidence and self esteem plummet.

There are actually a few proactive things we can do to boost our self esteem and confidence. Use these tips whenever your own confidence begins to slip.

  1. Make a list of your attributes – physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, etc. Are you a good listener? Write it down. Do you have pretty eyes, a great smile, or great looking hands? They all count. Do you make people laugh? That’s far too important not to write down!
  2. Write down every compliment you’ve ever received. This, alone, may just do the trick. I was told not long ago that I look like one of my daughters and I’ve been flying on that one, alone, for months.  Remember the last time someone told you they loved being around you? That’s a great compliment. How about the fact that people trust and confide in you? Some “compliments” such as this aren’t actually said out loud but they certainly count.
  3. Come up with one quick, fairly easy task you want to accomplish and then set out to make it happen right away. Even if it’s as simple as cleaning out a closet, accomplishing something always brings about a feeling of self esteem.
  4. Think about your personal accomplishments – things that you personally were responsible for.  Whether it’s getting a high school degree, getting a B in a college class, writing a bog post that someone enjoyed, cooking a great meal…whatever!  Linger over each accomplishment as though it had just happened. Soak up the good vibrations.
  5. If you tend to compare yourself to other people, realize that this is almost as dangerous as eating rat poison. You do not have to be like anyone else – you’re YOU.  The things that make you unique are the things that make you special. Embrace the things that separate you from everyone else.
  6. Pay close attention to “triggers.” These are things that cause you to feel self conscious or to feel that you don’t quite measure up.  It could be as simple as wearing a certain color or putting yourself into a particular situation. Make a habit of identifying these “triggers” each time you feel down on yourself.  Get rid of the trigger and you get rid of the problem.
  7. If your self esteem issue is a physical one, as yourself, “What is within my power?”  If you feel self conscious about your weight, for example, start a program of exercise and healthier eating TODAY. Being proactive with a problem takes the sting out of it immediately.  It’s as though your brain says, “No worry. I got this.”
  8. Do something right now that’ll make you happy: Whether it’s  going for a walk, eating ice cream, having a cup of coffee, having two cups of coffee (sorry, now I’m transposing my wishes on you), grabbing a Chai Tea Latte at Starbucks, taking a long hot shower, letting chocolate work its magic on you, etc. Treat yourself to something that’ll make you smile… because you deserve it.
  9. A pep talk from someone may be just what the doctor ordered.  Talk to someone you’re especially close to – someone who seems to have a way of picking you up when you’re feeling down. They may have just the words you need to hear. If a human isn’t available, never underestimate the power of a pet! Seeing yourself through the eyes of a loving dog or cat can leave you walking on air.
  10. I saved the best for last – Go out and do something great for someone else. When you put a smile on someone else’s face, you’ll find that the one on your face will be even bigger.  Go by Starbuck’s and grab a Latte for you and one for someone else, then surprise them at work or home with both a visit from you AND an awesome treat. It’ll leave both of you smiling all day.  There’s something uncommonly fulfilling about making someone else happy. It leaves you feeling great about yourself, which may be just what you need.

If feeling unhappy in your own skin is pretty much the norm rather than the exception for you, you (obviously) fall into the category of having low self esteem. I know you don’t need me to tell you that. Just like you don’t need me to tell you that it can greatly interfere with your life and happiness. You have to really concentrate on taking the above suggestions and running with them. When you begin to feel better, you will, only then, realize what all you’ve been missing out on.

Filed Under: Self Confidence Tagged With: boost self esteem, self confidence, self esteem

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