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You are here: Home / Archives for starting over

starting over

A Few Thoughts About Starting Over

April 27, 2014 by Joi 2 Comments

Quote about Starting Over

As humans we’re always trying to “fix” things, aren’t we? We look in the mirror and think, “I’m out of shape… I need to fix that.” or “I hate every piece of clothing I own.. I have to fix this.”

Then we go to buy new clothes and we discover that our bank account isn’t on the same page we are. While we’re thinking a couple of new outfits is a grand idea, our saving account whispers, “No. Actually, what you have is just fine.”

I guess we’re conditioned – and possibly even designed – to be fixers, and I”m not saying that’s a bad thing.

However, sometimes life isn’t so much about FIXING something that’s wrong as it is about STARTING something that’s better. The phrase “fresh start,” alone,  is just bursting with enthusiasm and promise and the thought of “starting over” lights a candle in even the darkest situations.

In a lot of ways, that’s exactly what I’m doing with Self Help Daily.

Here’s a gross understatement:  My brain tends to go all over the place, like some kind of ambitious explorer cranked up on espresso.  Come to think of it, my brain IS an ambitious explorer cranked up on espresso. In fact, if you could peer in at my brain, it probably looks like a giant coffee bean.

I once watched my husband play a pinball game.  The ball left the starting point with a tremendous force. It then bounced wildly off of a million and one obstacles and seemed to change courses about a dozen times.

The only difference between the ball in action and my brain in action  is everyplace the ball “hit” lit up as bells rang.  My brain doesn’t cause such fanfare… although it’d be all kinds of cool if it did.

What does my overly-caffeinated brain have to do with Self Help Daily (SHD)? Only everything.  Like the pinball, my brain went off in too many different directions – taking SHD with it.  I took what started as a simple self help blog and tried to cure every disease and ill-fated condition known to man, woman, child, tree, and polar bear.

My favorite superhero is Hawkgirl and I, on occasion,  have been known to try to fly off and save the world – without the beak.

Well, I’m not wearing that thing.

I just looked over all the different “categories” I’d accumulated here on SHD over the years. I had to ask myself, “Was there anyone or anything you weren’t trying to save?”  I had a sarcastic answer, of course – Snails. I decided that I’d left them to fend for themselves.

Self Help Daily was originally about helping all of us get the best out of ourselves. Not about taking care of everything and everyone along the way. Rather, its intent was to always make the world a better place by making each one of us a better us.  My original focus was inspiration and motivation and these are the things that still drive me.

Somewhere along the way, SHD lost its way.  Each time I’d think about writing something, changing up the look, adding a quote or anything at all, I’d just get overwhelmed with a feeling of having to FIX everything that’d gotten off track.

Because I also have quite a few other websites, instead of devoting time to “FIXING” what I saw as “BROKEN,” I simply moved on to one of the websites that hadn’t gotten off track.

One that didn’t need “fixing.”

Yesterday, I grabbed a giant mug of coffee, rolled up my sleeves, and sat down at Self Help Daily with equal parts horror and determination.

When did all those comments pile up on me?

Why did I let its appearance go down the drain?

Why did I ever create a category for that?

And on and on and on…

Just when the “fight or flight” impulse hit (with a 85% swing toward flight), it occurred to me: Instead of spending all of my energy trying to find a way to STOP something bad, why not spend it trying to START something good?  Instead of focusing my attention on FIXING the old, I decided to focus my attention on BUILDING something better.

It made all of the difference in the world.

This type of mental tweak can work toward anything in life simply because yesterday isn’t where the story ends.  You still have today and you still have tomorrow – lots and lots of tomorrows! If there’s anything you’re unhappy with (money, weight, appearance, temper…), stop focusing on the negative. Don’t look at what needs to be fixed, look (instead) at what needs to be built.

Think of Spring. When Spring rolls around, it doesn’t fret over the barren trees and brown grass.  It focuses on what comes next.  It doesn’t try  to round up all the leaves that’d fallen in Autumn and try to “fix” them back on the branches.

It simply brings new leaves – focusing all of its energy on building a beautiful and colorful world. I guess that’s why I’ve always been so infatuated with spring, budding trees, robins, and everything that goes with this time of year. It’s a fresh start – vivid proof that starting over can be a healing and beautiful thing.

We could learn a lot from Spring.

And pinball machines.

~ Joi

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Problem Solving, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: how to be happy, starting over

New Year’s Day: Self Improvement’s Holiday

January 7, 2011 by Joi 16 Comments

A few days ago, my youngest daughter Stephany declared that New Year’s Day was her second-favorite holiday (behind Christmas).  As visions of cranberry sauce, Thanksgiving Day parades, Easter bunnies and baskets, fireworks, and Valentine’s Day candy danced around my head, I asked, “Seriously?!”

Then the younger schooled the older.

She said that she just loved the whole premise of “fresh starts” and putting into action things you’d learned (sometimes the hard way) in the previous year.  As she explained it, even the Easter bunnies stopped dancing and listened.

As Thelma from Scooby Doo fame would say, “Jenkies! She’s got something.”   I’d have gone on putting candy hearts above New Year’s Day…. if not for that meddling kid.

The whole premise of fresh starts occurred to me a few nights ago.   As you know, there are few places I’d rather be than in my kitchen cooking.  I LOVE to cook and trying out new recipes (most of which I kind of make up as I go along) is a personal joy.  I wanted to make homemade re-fried beans a few nights ago to accompany cheese enchiladas, Mexican rice and guacamole with chips.  I was in a bit of a hurry, so I plucked a random recipe from an old cookbook.  It wasn’t an Authentic Mexican cookbook, so I had serious doubts.  I mean, if you want excellent re-fried beans, you have to go to the source of the most excellent re-fried beans ever.

Like I said, I was in a hurry and more times than not haste makes waste.  In this case, a waste of time.

The beans were a bitter disappointment – canned would have been better!

As I was cleaning up after the meal, I thought how I wished I could reverse time and have a “Do Over.”  I’d have backed time up a little bit and sought out a good, authentic Mexican recipe – as opposed to grabbing the first one I found.

Unfortunately, there are no do overs in life.

Or are there?

In a way, New Year’s day is all about DO OVERS.  What better time to think back over the past year(s) and ask yourself, “What would I like to DO OVER?”  Here’s our chance to get it right this time.  Take a minute to reflect over the past year.

  • What were some things you “got right?” Think of the great decisions you made and of the times you wowed yourself.  Vow to keep heading in the right direction and finish what you’ve started.
  • What’s the biggest mistake you made last year? No doubt you learned something from it – even if it was a whopper!  Our mistakes are like very strict teachers, there’s nothing remotely enjoyable about them but we learn from them like nothing else.  A lot of people say we should never think about our past mistakes – to just pretend they never happened.  I’m not so sure I’m totally on board that thought train.  Agreed, we shouldn’t dwell on them to the point of agony and we should NEVER allow ourselves to become racked with guilt or self-pity (neither’s attractive or productive). However, if we don’t acknowledge the mistake(s) and acknowledge the lessons learned, we won’t learn a single thing.
  • What areas of your life (personal and professional) have room for improvement?  Vow to do whatever it is you have to do to improve yourself… and thereby your life… in the coming year.

Here’s a little something I’ll share with you and only you.  I’ve admitted the re-fried beans gaffe, what else have I got to lose?!  Last year, thanks to a couple of my daughters who joined me in a great walking routine, I dropped some unwanted and unappreciated weight.  During the course of spring and summer, I lost 15 pounds!  When I went to my doctor, she asked me what I’d been doing and said she was impressed.  Always good to impress the doctor.

In August, however, I hurt my right foot.  I dropped a heavy glass jar right on the top of the foot (why oh why do we Kentuckians so rarely wear shoes around the house?!?! ). I’m certain I cracked a bone.  Anyway, as you can imagine, the walking routine suffered.  I tried, against better judgment, to keep walking but I ended up making the foot worse.  I’d walk through the pain, but I wasn’t able to walk as fast as normal.

If I had been as smart as I sometimes like to think I am, I would have made CERTAIN to adjust my diet accordingly.  But, noooo, I kept eating like normal and gained back 10 of the 15pounds.  When you’re on thyroid medicine, 10 pounds DO NOT COME OFF EASY.  Believe me, it’s a fight.  Yet, I managed to take them off anyway.  I felt great!  Unfortunately, it was all but a wasted effort because I didn’t devise a diet plan.  When you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And fail I did.

It’d be really easy to get discouraged and say, “Forget it!” It’d be even easier to feel sorry for myself for what happened to my poor foot.  But I’m adamant that the elusive 10 come off again and would love if they coax about 10 more friends to follow them! Feeling sorry for yourself and allowing discouragement to take center stage get you nowhere, and I’m not interested in going nowhere!

The point is, my mistake was a painful one. It was infuriating and I still grumble underneath my breath at myself.  But I learned something in the process. One of my biggest flaws is that I tend to be flighty and assume everything will just take care of itself.  I tend to live in my own little world and am not proactive nearly enough.  While I do like myself,  sometimes I don’t make it easy.

As we head into 2011, think back over 2010 and ask yourself what you wish you’d done differently.  If you had the chance, what would you have done over?  While we can’t go back and take a second crack at it (oooh, my foot didn’t like that choice of words), we CAN arm ourselves with a valuable lesson and new-found resolve.  Who knows where that can lead us… but won’t it be wonderful to find out?

Filed Under: Fitness, Positive Thought Tagged With: goals, learning from mistakes, self improvement, starting over

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