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You Can (Almost) Always Find What You’re Looking For… So Be Careful What You Seek!

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Perspective Quote

Short story to set the stage – even if it does involve telling on myself and my ridiculousness in the process:

A few years ago, my husband was away for a business trip. I’m not the bravest person in the world, so when my daughters began talking about something VERY scary they had read about one afternoon, my brain whispered, “Well, if this doesn’t keep you awake all night, nothing will.” I pushed the whisper aside and reasoned that by the time bedtime rolled around and the lights were off, I’d be fine.

WRONG.

As soon as the lights turned off, the brain turned on. It felt compelled to remind me of the “true” horror story. Being very familiar with myself and knowing what it’d take for me to get any rest whatsoever, I grabbed my iPhone and Googled, “Why {insert horror occurrence} is a hoax.” Badabing! I found explanation after explanation of why this couldn’t possibly have happened and found “holes” punched everywhere within the story.

I slept like a baby.

Here’s the tricky thing – Had I been a complete idiot and Googled, “Why {insert horror occurrence} is true,” I’d have found… you guessed it… just what I was looking for.

I’m sure you’ve figured out where this is heading, right?

So often, in life, what we “find” doesn’t happen by mistake or coincidence – we “find” it because, whether we realize it or not, it’s what we were looking for.  I see it online with social media almost daily. There are some people who seem absolutely SET on finding drama and stirring up stress and emotions. I don’t want to get off track, here, but what is up with these people?! I want things to be as calm and peaceful as possible… who, in their right mind, wants drama circling around them?!

Whether it makes sense or not, they search for it and, naturally, they find it.

I’m always amused when, after it hits the fan, they act shocked and confused like, “How did this storm happen???”

You did the rain dance, honey, that’s how!

By contrast, there are people (raising my hand high) who get on social media to be informed, entertained, amused, and (hopefully) provide these things for others. Again, what they seek is generally what they find.

Have you ever seen a 4 year old who is tired and cranky? He/she seems to be actively looking for trouble, don’t they? How like children adults can be!

This is a short post because the real trick is simply to get your thoughts flowing. You don’t need me to tell you if you set out looking for drama, gossip, and maybe even a little argument now and then. You don’t need me to tell you if you actively seek out calmness, harmony, and goodwill. You already know you – as well as I know my Chicken Little ridiculous self! I’m only here to ask you this – Is what you seek conducive toward your happiness and mental health or not? Is what you tend to actively look for constructive to your relationships or destructive?

Make no mistake about it, each of these questions has a clear answer.

We find what we actively seek… make sure you’re looking for something worth having, because you will find it.

~ Joi

A Lesson About the Importance of Thoughts From Carol Tuttle

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One of the books I was recently sent to read and share with my readers was Remembering Wholeness: A Personal Handbook for Thriving in the 21st Century by Carol Tuttle.

I often like to introduce you to an author and their work simply by sharing a passage from their book with you. What better way to become familiar with an author, right?!

If I were to summarize this book in one paragraph, it would be this: Remembering Wholeness challenges the reader to ask this question, “Am I in control of my life or is my life in control of me?” Carol Tuttle eloquently reminds the reader that we are in control of our own destiny and that we have the power…. and the right… to go after those things we want most.

Since this whole attitude begins in one very important place – our mind – I thought I’d share a passage from the book about thoughts. It’s from Chapter 2: We Choose Every Thought We Think And We Can Create Any Thought We Want.

We think approximately sixty thousand thoughts daily.  We are always thinking.  Our mind can be our best friend or our worst enemy depending on what we choose to do with it.  God has given us a powerful tool that allows us to be creators of our lives.  We are completely in charge of our minds.  No matter how we are feeling physically or emotionally, we are free mentally to think any thought of our choice.

Our mental body is at a higher vibration than our emotional body, meaning our minds are more powerful than our feelings.  We have been trained to listen to our feelings and create thoughts that match our feelings.  Therefore, if we are feeling negative feelings, we will think negative thoughts.  We believe we cannot start thinking and perceiving ourselves in a positive light until we feel positive feelings.  Take charge of you life by taking charge of your thoughts.  Change your life by changing your thoughts. – Carol Tuttle: Page 9, Remembering Wholeness: A Personal Handbook for Thriving in the 21st Century.

Over the coming days, pay close attention to your thoughts.  See how many positive, proactive, constructive thoughts you have as opposed to negative, passive, destructive thoughts.  Problems you may be experiencing can, more likely than not, be traced directly back to stinkin’ thinkin’ – the good news is that, if this is the case, the cure is completely within your reach.

Winning Out Over Negative Thoughts Once and For All

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My beautiful baby, Alexa.

One of our spoiled rotten cats, Alexa (pictured above), loves bird watching almost as much as I do.  My husband fills the bird feeders and I set seed on the ground for the ground feeders, then Lexie and I get lost in the parade of doves, cardinals, robins, blue birds, blackbirds, etc.

Every now and then, a bird will land on the ledge of one of our dining room or kitchen windows.  Yesterday morning, the craziest thing happened.  I was at the dining room table on my laptop, sidetracked by a couple of the brightest cardinals in the world enjoying the seed on the ground.  Alexa was in another room, swatting around one of her leftover plastic eggs from Easter (I told you she was spoiled).

A dove landed on the ledge of the window directly in front of me and peered in.  He’d ruffle his feathers, pace back and forth, then peer in again.  He seemed to think his reflection was another bird and he was doing his best to impress (or scare) it.  I wasn’t sure which, but  I froze, wanting him to stick around – and hoped like crazy that Alexa didn’t arrive on the scene.  I knew she’d take a dive at the window and scare away my newest diversion from work.

After about the 9th pace, I heard Alexa let out her familiar “Where are you?!” meow and could tell that she was entering the dining room.  Just as I turned to look at her, she spied my little visitor and tried to make an all-in-one dive for the window.  I grabbed her and carried her into another room, offering to play a great game of swat the egg or chase the catnip-filled mouse.

She wanted none of it!  As soon as she thought I wasn’t paying attention, she tried to bolt for the dining room again.  Oddly enough, the bird was still at it, so I diverted Alexa’s attention again.  This time, I took her into another room and set her on the window sill of another favorite lookout.

She was content and by the time we returned to the dining room, the bird was gone.

I read a comment on this blog not long ago in which the individual was talking about thoughts and how hard it is to make negative thoughts stop.  As the commentator very rightly said, they often don’t go away just because we want them to.  Like extra weight, negative thoughts seem to have no particular place to go and all the time in the world to get there.

Sometimes our thoughts are like Alexa – BENT on going exactly where they have no business going.  Like her, left to their own devices, they’ll carry out their evil plan and never look back.

That’s where we have to step it!  We all know how negative thoughts can hinder us:

  • If we dwell on negative, self-defeating thoughts, they take the wind out of our sails and cause us to lose the game before it even begins.
  • If we dwell on negative thoughts about other people, we’ll be the ones missing out.  We’ll fail to see their wonderful traits and miss out on a great relationship, simply because we refuse to quit focusing on the negative.
  • If we keep looking back at past mistakes, we never really move away from them.  We keep carrying them around with us forever.
  • If  we keep thinking a negative thought over and over and over – make no mistake, it will come out of your mouth at some point, then it’ll be too late to do anything about it.
  • If we keep having negative, fearful thoughts – we’ll never enjoy life, we’ll always be too worried about what might happen or what could possibly happen.

Every negative thing done or said once began inside someone’s head.

Be sure to keep this in mind as well:  Negative thoughts often disguise themselves as concern.  They’ll try to convince you that you’re fixating on every single solitary thing your teenager does simply because you’re concerned for him.  While parental concern is as real as my love for animals, there’s something else that’s very real – The negative pit.  Once a parent falls into this pit (they don’t like what their child wears, the music they listen to, the people they hang out with, the job they choose, the classes they take..) – two things are certain:

  1. They will be far more miserable than their son or daughter – after all, they’re the ones in the stinking pit!
  2. The child will avoid them and refuse to discuss anything at all with them.  Why bother, they know what you’re going to say – they’re wrong, you wouldn’t have done it that way, they made a “dumb” decision, and… while you’re at it… why don’t they cut their hair?

The same is true for anyone, not just our kids.  If you allow yourself to flounder in a negativity pit, no one will want you around.  Negative people suck the life and energy out of a room and no one gets out of bed in the morning looking for that kind of action.

What about thoughts that only affect us?  This is where I believe most of us have problems.  We’ll often find ourselves doubting our abilities or selling ourselves short.  We’ll be smack in the middle of a job when the little voice says, “What do you think you’re doing?!  Who are you kidding, this is over your head.”   Then we recall past failures and begin to seriously doubt that we’re fit to do anything but tie our own shoes.

If these negative thoughts aren’t diverted, your success and happiness will be.

Whether you need to harnass your negative thoughts from polluting your own life or the life of someone else (as well as your own), the following are a few suggestions.

Just as I physically picked up Alexa and carried her to a different room, you have to mentally pick up your negative thoughts and carry them to a different place.  Simply saying that you don’t want to think a particular thought isn’t enough, you have to replace it with another one.

  • If you begin to doubt yourself in a particular area, bring to mind your strengths and past successes.  Write them down, so you’ll have them the next time negative thoughts come onto the scene.
  • If you keep having negative thoughts about a particular person, try to begin focusing on positive things about the person.  Thinking negative ones is simply a habit, create a new habit by focusing on the positive.
  • If you’re having a particularly troublesome day with negative thoughts – change the scenery.  Sometimes going for a walk, seeing a movie, going shopping, or just going for a frappuccino will do a world of good.
  • Get physical! No, I’m not giving you permission to punch a co-worker.  Get up and get that body moving.  Physical activity makes you feel better and may be just the “bouncer” you need for negative thoughts.
  • If you tend to be a worry wart, hold your thoughts accountable.  Ask yourself how many disasters you’ve actually witnessed!   We often expect the worse when, if fact, we’ve very rarely seen the worse.

Finally, if there is one particular negative though that you battle – here’s one approach.  Write it down on a piece of paper, crumble the paper up, and throw it away.  Tell yourself that that’s the last time you ever want to hear from it!

Granted, at first you may feel just a little ridiculous – but do you want to know how you’ll feel as the crumbled paper lands in the trash… where it belongs?

As free as a bird.