Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. – Richard Carlson

Have you ever seen an individual in the throes of stress?  They look like they’re convinced they have it worse than anybody on earth and seem to be almost incapable of functioning.  Sometimes they lash out in a temper tantrum like a 5 year old that’s being forced to leave the McDonald’s playground or cry and/or sulk like one that never made it to the playground in the first place.    Other times, they internalize and cause themselves a whole host of health problems.

Irregardless of how the host reacts, stress is a most unwelcome guest.  Like all unwelcome guests, it boils down to two choices:

1. Get rid of it.
2. Learn to live with it.

If you’re one of those people who seem to stress out over every little thing, you truly need to learn some great coping techniques.  Not for the sake of everyone around you, but for your own.  Blowing up, internalizing, sulking, stressing – these are all things that are causing damage inside your body.  If you could somehow look inside and see what your inability to handle stress is doing, you’d find a way…. make a way… to cope.

When you feel stressed or on edge, picture the Blue-Footed Boobie! There’s no way you’re going to feel cranky or upset when you picture these guys or even just say their name out loud. I guarantee you’ll smile long before you explode or implode. Now, won’t that feel better?

I’m not judging and I’m not condemning.  I’m probably the least judgmental person you’ll ever encounter.  I get that everyone is different and I, honestly, love that fact.  I also have read enough, observed enough, and simply know through good old common sense that everyone reacts to things differently.  On any given day, three people can get a flat tire and each will react differently:

1. One may cuss, pound the steering wheel, and search for the nearest person to blame – the road crew, the city, construction workers, the spouse (always a good one), God (yeah… He’s always home and has nothing better to do than pop tires), etc.  The blamers of life are real pills, aren’t they?  My oldest daughter and I watched a man outside of a coffee shop one day last week.  Something wasn’t quite right under the hood of his truck and he put on a display unlike anything I’ve seen in a while.  He hit the hood, he screamed at his mortified wife, he stomped, he kicked…  Some people were laughing at him, my daughter said he was “gross” and I just went back to my coffee hoping I never met him face to face.
2. One may tear up and have a little “poor me, nothing ever goes right for me” cry.
3. The third one might just say, “Wow, didn’t need that, but at least no one was hurt.  Oh well, if this is the worst thing that happens to me today, I’ve got it made.”

One person isn’t OVER ALL any better, smarter, or cooler than the other two.   Each simply copes differently.  The thing is, when we get to the place where we’re able to cope with stress like the individual in the third example, we’ll enjoy life more, we’ll function better, our health will be better, our relationships will be sweeter and we won’t be spectacles for others to laugh at, call gross, or wish we’d never even seen in the first place.

One of the best ways to deal with stress is to identify your triggers.  The man in front of the coffee shop obviously couldn’t cope with adversity.  (Good luck with life, buddy!)   I also wonder if a little bit of feeling helpless had something to do with his performance.  After all, if he knew what to do, wouldn’t he have been doing it rather than acting a fool?  The lashing out at his wife was probably somewhat of a defensive reaction to keep from showcasing that he didn’t know what to do.  (Pick up the phone… call someone who does…)

We can’t all know everything and there is no shame in simply smiling and saying, “I know as much about this as I do the mating habits of the blue footed boobie.“  There never has been and there never will be any shame in admitting that you’re human.  Some of my best friends are human.

Other people are triggered, seemingly, when they think the world isn’t doing enough for them or giving them enough.  Ah, the selfish crowd.  God love their little hearts, they honestly feel like everyone’s day should center around serving them, catering to them, and bowing down to their mightiness.  I guess it’s obvious why they’re so miserable – that’s just not going to happen. If you go around demanding respect and telling everyone why they should (or MUST!) respect, fear, and applaud you – you obviously don’t deserve any of the accolades.  If you did, they’d be yours.

My advice for these people is this:  Love yourself, feel proud of yourself, and pat yourself on the back all you want.  But, you must let others make up their own minds about you.  Don’t tell them how great you are, show them.  The world doesn’t owe you anything.  If this is your thinking, let me hasten to point out that you’ve got it all twisted…. You owe the world.  Start giving and you won’t have time to throw a pity party.  Also, while you’re at it, stop complaining that others aren’t doing enough for you.  If you want something done, do it. Try this on for a while:  Go out of your way to do things for other people.  Compliment them, smile at them, help them out whenever and however you can.  There’s a great old saying, What goes around comes around – maybe you’ve been living that out and what you’re receiving is what you’ve been giving… or, in this case, haven’t been giving.

Just a thought.

A third stress trigger is feeling overwhelmed – like life is just giving you too much at one time.  We’ve all been there and few of us ever want to go back.  The emotions, turmoil, and so forth that surrounded my mom’s sudden death in 2006 left me feeling like I was completely and totally spent.   If not for prayer and an outstanding family, I might still be in bed with the covers over my head.  I remember the day that I “got up.”  I hadn’t physically stayed in bed for days after losing my mom, but my spirit did.  Then, one day, I was in the back of the house and I heard my husband and our youngest daughter in the front of the house looking for something.  I knew that, not only wouldn’t they be able to find it, they’d make a mess trying.  I flipped a switch that I’d forgotten even existed and, literally, rejoined my family.

Sometimes we have to admit that we’ve “gone under.”  Make no mistake about it, we all do at one time or another – we feel overwhelmed and worn out.  The trick is not to stay there.  Remember Lao-Tzu’s words, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.“  If relationships, finances, work, or another potent opponent has you on the ropes…. or even if it has knocked you to the mat!… you have a choice to make:  Are you going to stay there or are you going to fight back?!?!

The answer to your triggers, your problems, your adversities, and your stress lies within your heart.  Find someplace quiet and sort things out.  Stop placing blame on anyone, beginning with yourself.  Blame is the most irrelevant and useless expense of energy I can think of.  Forge past blame, forge past self-pity, and forge past anger. Find the solution you need to either remove your personal stress from your life or determine how you’ll learn to live with it.

Life is too precious and too wonderful to spend it stressed out and on edge.  Be happy.  Lighten up.  Dance.  Repeat.

Photo Credit: The picture of the beautiful Blue Footed Booby Birds is from Animal Corner.

To learn what you can do to protect the Blue Footed Booby Bird, visit the Adoption Center of the WWF.