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How to Be Happy

You WILL Be Happy Again: How Men Can Move on After Divorce

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Happiness at Work

by Mila

Sometimes, things just do not work out. No matter how much effort you put into a relationship, the dynamic between two people is a two-way street. Maybe you are simply out of sync and it is nobody’s fault.

However it turns out, ending a relationship that had you emotionally and physically invested for years on end is a turbulent and, dare we say, a traumatic experience, and you need to allow yourself breathing room to heal.

Before you even proceed to look at the singular constructive coping mechanism or adopt useful tools to get over a divorce, here’s one thing you should keep on your mind throughout the ordeal at all costs: you WILL be happy again.

Accept the stages of grieving

It won’t be long after the divorce is finalized before you realize that the mental process of grieving has begun. Even if the ordeal had left you unsympathetic towards the ex-spouse, you shouldn’t underestimate the power of positive memories and feelings that you’ve accrued throughout the relationship. Mix that with the force of habit that comes with co-living conditions, and you have a mighty cocktail of grief that you’ll have to chug-down in full.

The cycle of grief typically follows five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. This sequence is typical of many scenarios where a person has to deal with a particularly egregious life situation, and a divorce is no different.

Just the notion of knowing the order of these mindsets can prove to be an invaluable tool when it comes to avoiding certain trappings that can push you further down the rabbit hole of unhappiness.

These trappings always end up badly for all parties involved, and they include using children as pawns in a game of hurt, boosting your self-esteem in all the wrong, egocentric ways, and trying to reconcile with your spouse. All of these traps should be avoided at all costs, and knowing the stages of grief can help you overview certain urges and situations more objectively. Of course, you should especially tread lightly when for the sake of your children.

Embrace constructive activities

One of the most important cornerstones of your road to happiness is the adoption of activities and hobbies. Divorce will bring about a whole laundry list of changes that will undoubtedly throw your entire life out of balance; specifically – there will suddenly appear a ‘hole’ in a place where a range of activities with your spouse used to be.

Embracing the changes means accepting that this time needs to be filed with constructive activities that will improve your quality of life. Mind you – this is not about replacement. It’s about scrutinizing a list of potential hobbies that are certain to help you with your grieving process.

Dabble in art

You might want to turn to arts and crafts in search of something that has a positive impact on one’s mental health. Nobody will expect you to create masterpieces of modern art – it can (and should) be something that you can enjoy while you meditate on your next move. It’s about the act of creation – assembling something that you find aesthetically pleasing, creating order out of chaos. It is a therapeutic practice and there is hardly anything more ennobling you could do.

Stay physically active

Of course, some men would rightfully argue that partaking in organized sports activities is just as ennobling and therapeutic as creating art for yourself. Investing yourself in training and on a daily basis is an amazing way to channel your frustrations into a formatted physical activity (formatted – as in, denoting rules).

Now, you can participate in organized group sports such as basketball, football and others, which is an excellent way to develop a better rapport with friends and stay both socially and physically active. Talking sessions with your teammates before and after training can also help immensely.

Golf encourages the improvement of mental health through the discipline of patience, focus and physical effort that is, at the same time, meditative by nature. That being said, the upsides found in golf can also be found in martial arts, but this is not everyone’s cup of tea.

Forgiveness is the ultimate goal

This might sound like a sappy and naive notion, but working towards forgiveness as the ultimate goal will break the final chain of gloom that is wrapped around you, pulling you deeper and deeper into depression.

There is a dirty secret hidden at the heart of forgiveness, and that is the revelation that it is not about ‘the other person’. Forgiving your spouse is achttps://amzn.to/2LnHFLWtually all about you because otherwise, you will stay full of resentment, which will further corrode your soul. Forgiving your ex-spouse as soon as you can will definitely put you on the express-way to happiness.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, a stigma of shame still surrounds the image of grieving men. Too often do they hide behind a stoic disposition and conceal their emotions, proceeding to live a life of silent pain instead of coping with a life-changing event such as divorce.

Without a doubt, this has far-reaching consequences on the psychological integrity of an individual, so you should do everything in your power to refuse this unhealthy practice and deal with your emotions head-on. It is the only road to happiness after the divorce.

Five Ways to Boost Your Happiness this Winter

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Snowy Day

by Matt Gregory

When you consider the fact that sunlight is one of the best ways to increase your serotonin levels, it will come as no surprise that the winter months, with shorter, darker days, can lead to a lower mood than usual.

The holidays themselves can be an emotional time, too; there is a lot of pressure to spend, to be out with family and friends and having fun that can have a detrimental effect on those that may be struggling with loneliness, money worries or are unable to see loved ones as much as they would like, if at all. If this sounds familiar, then do not despair because there are so many things you can do that will easily help elevate your mood in next to no time.

Self–Care

“The way to health, harmony and happiness is primarily mental”
– Grenville Kleiser, from ‘Inspiration and Ideals’

Self-care is one of the best ways to instantly lift your mood when the cold weather starts to get you down. Making plans to curl up with a good book under a blanket and enjoy your favorite hot drink is a great way to self soothe these feelings away. Alternatively, you could pamper yourself with a leisurely bath to help relieve the stress and tension of your day, book yourself in for a massage or hair cut or make some time for exercise. Make some ‘me’ time to really reconnect with yourself and feel good within yourself.

Pay it Forward

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try and cheer someone else up”
 – Mark Twain

One of the quickest and easiest ways to boost your personal happiness is to pay it forward. Any form of charity, whether it’s simply buying a coffee for someone in need or giving to charity as part of your everyday life – such as the compulsory zakat donations made by Muslims, culminating in the celebration of Eid – can lift your mood in a way like nothing else does.

However you choose to pay it forward – donating to a local food bank, baking cookies for the neighbours or offering support for a friend in need – it costs nothing to be kind, but the rewards are endless.

Do more of what makes you Happy

“If you want to be happy, be”
– Leo Tolstoy

Sometimes, life can get stressful and we forget about the little things that help us feel more aligned with ourselves and ultimately, bring joy to our lives. Listening to our favorite music and having a singalong, reading an old classic, going to the gym, taking the dog for an extra–long walk, writing, baking, prayer… there are so many things that make us happy that can get lost along the way when life gets a little hectic. Taking some time to do more of these things is a great way to boost your happiness.

Take up a new hobby

“I am not young enough to know everything”
– Oscar Wilde

Learning a new skill or taking up a new hobby can be overwhelming at the best of times, especially if you have been putting it off for a while. Overcome your fear and embrace learning – the self-confidence and sense of worth that you receive in return will be more than worth it.

Take that pottery class, learn a new language, teach yourself coding or knitting – whatever it is you’ve always wanted to do – seize the day and watch the smile creep back on to your face in the process.

Leave negativity behind

“Laughter is the sun the drives winter from the human face”
– Victor Hugo

Letting go of negativity in your life is one of the greatest ways to improve overall feelings of happiness. That being said, it isn’t an easy thing to do, and it’s something that needs to be worked on over time. Bad habits can be broken, though – with a little persistence and practise. Create positive endorphins and improve your physical and mental health by exercising more regularly – and this will put you in a great mindset for kicking those bad habits.

Letting go of anger, not holding grudges, not partaking in gossip, focus on the positives in every situation, and appreciate everything that you have. Remove drama from your life, recite positive affirmations and set achievable goals. Rest well, eat well, be more productive. Lastly, learn your limits and when to say no. This is a process but one that you can start right now!

By taking just a few positive steps, you could be reaping the rewards this winter. Not only that, but these are things that will stick with you long after the snow has melted and the sun is back in our lives.

Coping with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): A Few Quick and Easy Tips

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Remember to Pause to See the Beauty in Every Season

Those of us who have never suffered from  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) should take a moment right now and express our complete and unrestrained gratitude. From what I’ve seen, heard, and read, it is a miserable and seemingly relentless cloud of misery.

Fortunately, there are a few ways to cope with and even overcome SAD. Will every tip work for you personally? Doubtful… but more likely than not a few will help you tremendously. Being proactive will, all by itself, help to some extent.

It always feels better to know we are taking positive steps to make our lives better – as well as the lives of those who our life touches.

Tips for Coping with SAD:

  1. Take a multi-vitamin and a Vitamin D Supplement. Vitamin deficiencies have a large number of symptoms and many of those associated with being more emotional than physical. One of my daughters once found herself feeling extremely tired and sluggish. Worse, she’d sometimes cry without having any idea WHY. When she went to the doctor, she had tears in the examining room and told the doctor she had no idea why. Being a sharp doctor, she ordered blood-work – specifically wanting to check her Vitamin D. It wasn’t just low, it was VERY low. She was prescribed a Vitamin D supplement (though they are available over the counter) and her symptoms improved almost immediately.
  2. Let some sunlight in! Something as simple as opening blinds and curtains during the day may help. When you’re able to look outside at nature (even if it’s just a single tree or the sky and grass), you’re instantly reminded that nature is beautiful year round, not just in the warmer months. The light, itself, can lift your spirits.
  3. ALWAYS have something to look forward to. I’m convinced that (to a certain extent) SAD can result from a “let down” after a string of exciting, high-charged holidays and events. Think about it – September (back to school), October (Halloween), November (Thanksgiving), December (Christmas), January (New Year’s Day). That leaves the rest of January, February (let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is only so so on the excitement meter), and some of March in many parts of the world. It’s only reasonable that there will be a let down, a feeling of “What do we get ready for or look forward to now???” Why not begin planning for your own party or family get-together?! Plan for a Super Bowl party, a movie-watching party (pick your favorite movie… after all, it’s your party!), or any kind of random party you can think of (masquerade party, game day party, use your imagination and see where it takes you). If you aren’t the party type (aside from family birthdays, I’m not either, actually), start planning Movie Nights with a loved one or all by yourself. Pick a night of the week when you don’t have to cook anything (no cleanup… yay!), order pizza, pop the popcorn, and watch a couple of great movies. You’ll find yourself looking forward to movie night so much I’m sure you’ll keep the tradition rolling all year.
  4. Move more! I’m not saying you have to hit the gym – trust me, the last gym I was in was in high school (and gym was short for gymnasium)! Simply make yourself become more active. We move a lot more in the warmer months and the sudden dip in activity takes it’s toll on the body and, perhaps, even mind. Bundle up and walk around the yard or block, turn on music and do your chores with more showmanship (my favorite), take up yoga or pilates, learn a new dance… just move it!
  5. Essential Oils can be effective. The following essential oils can be very helpful in lifting moods (the links go to Amazon, where each can be readily found): Lemon, Jasmine, Lavender, Cinnamon, and Peppermint essential oils are a few people swear by.

I place this final piece of advice separate from the rest because it is both different and vital. So vital, in fact, that I’m not sure any or even all of the tips above will work if it is left undone. When we suffer from things like SAD, we have to stop giving it more power than it already has.

Each time someone says any of the things below, they give Seasonal Affective Disorder more power…

  • “I can’t be happy, I have SAD.”
  • “I’d like to go out for dinner with you, but I can’t, I always feel depressed this time of year.”
  • “I hate winter – it makes me feel so unhappy.”
  • “I wish I could be happy… guess I’ll have to wait for summer.”

Any form of these statements give the disorder power and place the individual in the role of victim – and I don’t know about you, but that’s a role I have no interest in playing!

Statements to Give YOU the Power…

  • “Less light outside doesn’t have to mean less light inside!”
  • “I’m going to make a list of fun things to do this month…”
  • “A problem is nothing more than a question that hasn’t found it’s answer yet… this year, I will find that answer!”

I am in NO WAY trying to make light of SAD – it is a very, very real condition. However, you have more power than it does, you’re smarter than it is, you have more resolve, and you’re a heckuva lot better looking.

My money is on you. ~ Joi (“Joy”)


Tips for Surviving the Holiday Season if This Time of Year Is Difficult for You

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by Brooke Faulkner

When many people talk about the holidays, they speak with a feeling of warmth and love. They associate this time of year with family and giving. Kids get gifts and winter break; parents get to see their children believe in something magical; and families embrace and feel blessed for their time spent together. Holidays feel nostalgic for many, and this time of year brings back memories of baked cookies, Christmas movies, and cozy mornings with hot cocoa and playing in the snow.

However, plenty of people have a difficult time during the holiday season. Some may feel lonelier during the holidays. Some may have feelings of grief due to the absence of a loved one during this time. Some may not have family, or be estranged from their family. Some may feel ostracized if they are single, without children, or going through a separation. Some may be experiencing financial troubles that are exacerbated during the gift-giving holidays. Some may be struggling to stay sober or battling with their mental health. No matter what your story is, there are tips that can help you survive this difficult time of year.

Get Out of Town

If the holiday season is hard for you, it might be the perfect time for you to get out of town and create new memories away from any triggering people or situations. Travel has a way of helping you feel rejuvenated and can help in increasing your feelings of independence and adventure. Visit some of the most amazing cities in the world — some of which won’t feel like the holiday season in terms of temperature and culture. Even a road trip to a nearby resort or a winter camping weekend can help to remove you from the hard parts of being at home. You have every right to take this time and mold it into whatever you need to help make you feel better.

Create New Traditions

Some of the common traditions that people have can make this time of year worse for people. Even your own traditions can be triggering if you’ve lost someone or been recently separated. Instead of sticking with the traditions that are difficult, create new ones. If you’re feeling especially lonely, spend this time of year visiting shelter dogs or retirement communities to be a source of comfort for others who may be lonely as well. If you recently lost someone, make a new tradition of celebrating them somehow, like making their favorite recipe or watching their favorite holiday movie. Pinpoint the hard parts of the holiday and find ways to make them your own, or replace them altogether.

Plan an Exit Strategy

If you’re worried about something happening during holiday events that will be hard, be sure to plan an exit strategy. Sometimes it’s being around toxic family members, sometimes it’s being around drinks when you’re trying to be sober, and sometimes it’s seeing spouses or families simply enjoying this time of year. Each of those things can lead to heartache, so you are allowed to remove yourself if things get hard. Plan an excuse to get out of an event beforehand in case something happens. It might even be helpful to set the scene and tell people, “I may have to leave early,” or “I may get called into work,” to help make it easier to leave. This will make it less awkward if you need to make a getaway from something that is hard to handle.

Find Something You Enjoy

When this time of year is hard for you, help yourself by finding something about it that you enjoy. Maybe this time of year is hard, but you love the snow, helping others in need, or watching Christmas movies. You might try diving into more snow sports like skiing or snowshoeing to help you with something you enjoy during this time. Not only can it help when things get hard, but exercising in nature can also help with things like occupational burnout or helping to combat seasonal affective disorder.

If you love helping others, you may make this time of year into a tradition of giving by adopting a family or buying gifts for charity. If you can’t think of many things you enjoy, try to find something you haven’t done yet to find the thing about this time of year that you do enjoy.

Be Kind to Yourself

More than anything, it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time of year. Sometimes there’s nothing particularly triggering about the holidays, but things seem to be difficult anyway. This can be due to added stress, being stretched too thin, or spending more time comparing your situation to someone else’s. Be kind to yourself by managing your expectations and making your mental health and self-care a priority. Commit to one holiday party instead of all of them, suggest another family member hosting this year, or stay focused on unplugging from social media altogether. If it’s too hard to take an active part in the holidays, forgive yourself for that. The holidays are hard for many people, and it’s okay if your holiday season doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

Though the holidays are magical for some, others feel the weight of expectations. They are expected to buy a big gift, attend the parties, be around family, and act as though this time of year is a blessing. For some, that’s just not how it feels. It feels heavy and fake. It feels stressful and overwhelming. It feels emotional and difficult. If the holidays are hard for you, rewrite the hard parts. Get out of town, create your own traditions, plan an exit strategy, find something you enjoy, and be kind to yourself. Hold on tight until this time of year has gone by. Until then, utilize some of these tips to help you get through it.

10 Flowers to Boost Your Mood!

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A while back, I researched topics that people search for the most in search engines (an in life, if we were to take it a profound step further). How to be happy, how to boost your mood, how to improve a bad mood, and how to feel happier were among the most searched things… pretty much, year after year.

There are, obviously many things you can do to improve your chances of happiness and there are just as many ways to boost your mood.

Thank goodness!

You absolutely do not have to let a bad mood ever win. One of the simplest things you can do is to surround yourself with things that make you happy. Things that make you smile inside/out, as it were. When these happy-triggers also happen to be beautiful (like flowers), it’s a win-win situation. I love having flowers everywhere in my home – literally in every room. They boost the mood, improve the appearance of the room and bring glorious nature inside.

Below is a wonderful infographic from FTD detailing how 10 especially beautiful flowers can boost your mood.  Do what I do…. surround yourself with them!

~ Joi

10 Flowers to Boost Your Mood

Infographic Credit: FTD