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Selective Memory: A Key KEY TO HAPPINESS (and Better Relationships)

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Most People are as Happy as they Make Up Their Minds to Be

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Many people like to nitpick at this quote but, to a certain extent it is spot on. Without knowing it, the great Lincoln was basically saying, “Use selective memory for your GOOD, not for your BAD. You’ll only be as happy as the thoughts you keep on repeat in your mind.”

Or something like that.

You’re Wearing a Groove

Have you ever heard an adult say something along the lines of, “I remember the time, when I was in 3rd grade, my mother embarrassed me in front of the whole class. I felt so mad at her..”  I have heard many variations and it always irks me.

First of all – seriously? You’re going to keep someone on the hook for YEARS? Years?! It grinds my gears when adults choose to remember the negative things their parents did to them (unless, of course these things were physically or emotionally abusive… in this case, therapy might be their only resource for letting go). More times than not, they are embarrassingly small things the parent did.

  • They didn’t allow them to get their ears pierced as early as their friends.
  • They yelled at them in front of friends.
  • They didn’t let them get a license until they were 17.
  • Blah blah blah blah…

Wouldn’t it be better and healthier to hold fast to good memories?

  • The time they did without new clothes for themselves so you could have the “coolest” clothes.
  • The time your mom surprised you by cleaning your room (which looked like two tornadoes had hit it).
  • The time your dad, even though he was dead tired, took the family out to eat and then to a ballgame.
  • Etc etc etc…

It’s called “Selective Memory” AND it’s called common sense.

I have a gazillion faults and shortcomings. I mean, we could trot them out, one by one, all day and only scratch the surface. BUT, this whole “selective memory” thing, I’ve got this one nailed! Heck, I was exercising “selective memory” before it even had a name.

I simply prefer to focus on the good and push the bad back into the cave it deserves to be in. I am also really quick at being able to do this. I don’t carry grudges or hold on to “done me wrongs” and I certainly don’t throw them up to or about others. What’s the point? Seriously… What. Is. The. POINT?!

Here’s a funny thing about thoughts. They wear “grooves” into your mind and the more you entertain a particular thought, the deeper the groove and the easier it is for it to ride into town (your mind) at any given time, bringing its nasty, toxic energy with it. Who in their right town mind would want that?

Naturally, it isn’t just kids remembering things their parents did. I have also frequently heard spouses play the “on the hook” game as well as parents about their kids.

“I remember when my daughter didn’t call me on my birthday until 5:15 that night. It was like an afterthought!” Then when you ask, “Was it your last birthday,” and they tell you it was 12 years ago!  Or a husband will bring up the time his wife let a car “noise” go so long the transmission had to be replace… you know… 8 years ago.

Let people off the darn hook!

Oddly enough, people who hold grudges against others never seem to think they’ve EVER made mistakes. It’s always kind of funny, actually. I even heard a couple arguing once and she was giving him the, “You said this… and you said that… and you said…” and he broke in and said, “Yeah – but do you remember what you said?!”

Her answer… “THAT DOESN’T MATTER!” I had to laugh, in spite of myself. She wasn’t just cute when she screamed it, she was incredibly typical. No one wants to remember their own wrongs.

You know why? Most of us have very positive selective memory when it comes to ourselves! What if we used very positive selective memory for everyone else in our lives? Our relationships would be sweeter and we would be infinitely happier and more pleasant to be around.

I don’t know – it’s just something to think about.

A Few Thoughts about Thoughts

  • Random thoughts can and DO pop into our minds. How long we allow them to stick around is well within our control. We choose to either toss them or dwell on them. Always remember that the more you dwell on them, the darker the imprint – the deeper the groove. Dwell on positive thoughts and memories, which will leave you with positive, happy imprints and grooves. The alternative is ugly.
  • When so-and-so did you so very, inexcusably wrong, remind yourself that you have zero idea what they were going through at the time. Whether it was a parent or spouse who very well have been worried about finances, their own aging parents, or a million other things or a child who may have been dealing with things you never realized – cut people the same slack you would want sliced off for you. Think about the positive things they did for you… you know there are many more of these!
  • Choose your thoughts wisely – they point you in the way you’ll go… physically and emotionally.
  • What you FEEL you ATTRACT.

You are going to spend the rest of your life with your thoughts. We should choose them more carefully than we do anything! Whether you realize it or not, thoughts are building blocks and they will build you a tower of bitterness or a gazebo of happiness. The choice is yours.

~ Joi


Simple Pleasures in Life

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by Amanda Green

Simple pleasures are brief experiences that emerge in an everyday setting, and they bring a positive impact on one’s life. They are accessible to most people at little or no cost. These pleasures are often personal. This means that what may be a simple pleasure for you may not be a simple pleasure to another person. Simple pleasures should be embraced because they bring you joy and happiness, compared to temptations, which bring inner conflicts.

Mostly, simple pleasures depend on one’s creativity. The pleasures are derived from any small opportunities available for happiness. The ordinary simple pleasures include sleeping in on a rainy day, finding money that you did not know you had, hearing the right song at the right moment, among other pleasures.

A specific type of cat or dog can also be a source of simple pleasures. Dogs are known for some great things such as their loyalty and love. In addition to that, there are small, daily pleasures that only those who have had a close encounter with dogs can understand. The following are some of the simple pleasures that dogs provide:

  1. Dogs are the perfect alarm clocks. When dogs are routinely trained to perform a specific task at a particular time, their brain gets used to that practice. Whenever the time gets close for that exercise, the dogs will do that particular task that they have been trained to do. Therefore, one can train a dog to bark, cuddle, or kiss at a specific time, and this will become an alarm clock.
  2. Playing a drop and fetch game with your dog can also be a source of happiness. After a busy day at work, you can take your dog to the backyard and use tennis balls to play with your dog. Throwing the balls down or far away with the dogs chasing after the balls to fetch them and bring them back to you brings great happiness.

Different types of dog breeds provide varying degrees of simple pleasure. Some of the best dog breeds for someone wanting a pet are:

  1. White Labradors

White Labradors are one of the most popular breeds found in Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia. These dogs are a good fit for human beings. These dogs are also protective, loyal, sweet, and lovable, thus worth spending time with.

Snowy Pines White Labradors have specific genes that enable the offspring to resemble their parents. These genes cause unique variation in the Labradors making them well adapted to various conditions. The owners of Snowy Pines White Labradors have a dedication to preserving breed characteristics, thus producing healthy and well-socialized puppies.  All of their dogs have been OFA certified for hips and elbows; along with full genetic panels.

  1. Bichon Frise

The Bichon Frise is a small dog that weighs about 5 – 10kg. The skulls of these dogs are slightly rounded, and the dogs do not have a pointed muzzle. Bichon Frise is a cheerful dog that is a good option for merrymaking. The dogs are gently mannered, playful, affectionate, and sensitive. Their intelligence plays a vital role during outings and helps bring a lot of joy and happiness.

  1. Papillon Dog

Papillons are self-assured dogs that have exceptional intelligence. These dogs take a short time to learn new tricks and ideas. They are friendly dogs with strangers and children. The dogs can also get along with other pets, but care should be taken to avoid inter-pet conflicts. Their playful and affectionate nature makes them a great pet.

  1. King Charles Spaniel

King Charles Spaniels have domed heads, short noses, and lines of black skin around their mouths. These dogs are friendly, and they are typically suitable as watchdogs. The Spaniels can easily tolerate other pets; they can play with these pets during outings. It is an intelligent dog and can be used for obedience work at home.

  1. Maltese 

The Maltese are small and have rounded skulls. They usually grow to a height of about 7 – 10 inches. These dogs are good for companionship. They are extremely lively and playful, especially at their middle age. The Maltese are always active in an enclosed environment, especially in small backyards.

We should endeavor to make ourselves happy daily. This happiness can be simply obtained by having a dog or other pet share our lives. Pet can be the best sources for these simple pleasures.

4 Reasons Why Going on Vacation Will Make You a Happier Person

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by Steve Conway

Summer is nearly upon us, and you shouldn’t really need an excuse to start looking for vacations but if you do, we’ve got the perfect reason right here – going on holiday is proven to make you happier.

If you’re looking for a mood booster, there is very little more effective than jetting off somewhere for a week or two to do nothing but enjoy warm weather, eat what you want and not have to get up when that alarm goes off at 7am every morning.

In the unlikely event that you still need selling on the benefits of going on vacation, then here are four reasons that it will make you a happier person.

You’ll be able to switch off from the pressures of everyday life

Vacations give us a break from the everyday routine and let us leave all our worries behind. There’s no rushing to get the kids to school on time or 11pm emails from Steve in accounts about an impending work disaster that is going to hit the fan the next morning. Sitting on a beach with a tropical cocktail that tastes better than paradise or traipsing through the wilderness on one of the best hiking trails in America’s National Park will leave you completely disconnected from the pressure of everyday life, clearing your mind and leaving you to concentrate on only one thing: enjoying yourself.

You can head for brilliant sunshine

Science has proven that sunshine is a natural mood enhancer so that of course means that heading to a sun-soaked destination on vacation is going to make you a happier person. It’s all about the vitamin D and endorphins in sunlight, which makes a couple of weeks lounging around on a golden beach the perfect way to lift your mood. If you don’t think you can afford to jet off on the holiday of the lifetime to a Caribbean island, then have a look at taking out one of Bonsai Finance’s personal loans in order to fund your dream vacation – you can’t put a price on happiness after all.

Rest, rest and more rest

Relaxation and happiness go together like hand and glove and you won’t find a more relaxing experience than a vacation. There’s no alarm waking you up at an ungodly hour, you just roll out of bed whenever you feel like it. You can get the full recommended quota of sleep – and more – which allows you to rest your tired body and mind to the point where you’ll return home completely rejuvenated. It’s sheer bliss.

You can eat what you want

One of the big stresses of modern-day life comes in dieting. We’re constantly under pressure to watch our calories, eat healthily and make sure we don’t put on any weight. None of that matters when you go on holiday. You can eat out and try delicious local delicacies every day of the week with a guilt-free pass for food that you’d normally have to pass over at home. Steak and eggs? Eat it. Like the look of that ice cream? Buy two. The normal rules of restraint don’t apply when you’re on vacation and that’s what makes it so much fun.

Bio: Guest Post by Steve Conway, a techie by profession and a passionate traveler who loves to soak up the sun, swim in azure waters and explore far-off destinations that hold the promise of great adventure.

You Can (Almost) Always Find What You’re Looking For… So Be Careful What You Seek!

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Perspective Quote

Short story to set the stage – even if it does involve telling on myself and my ridiculousness in the process:

A few years ago, my husband was away for a business trip. I’m not the bravest person in the world, so when my daughters began talking about something VERY scary they had read about one afternoon, my brain whispered, “Well, if this doesn’t keep you awake all night, nothing will.” I pushed the whisper aside and reasoned that by the time bedtime rolled around and the lights were off, I’d be fine.

WRONG.

As soon as the lights turned off, the brain turned on. It felt compelled to remind me of the “true” horror story. Being very familiar with myself and knowing what it’d take for me to get any rest whatsoever, I grabbed my iPhone and Googled, “Why {insert horror occurrence} is a hoax.” Badabing! I found explanation after explanation of why this couldn’t possibly have happened and found “holes” punched everywhere within the story.

I slept like a baby.

Here’s the tricky thing – Had I been a complete idiot and Googled, “Why {insert horror occurrence} is true,” I’d have found… you guessed it… just what I was looking for.

I’m sure you’ve figured out where this is heading, right?

So often, in life, what we “find” doesn’t happen by mistake or coincidence – we “find” it because, whether we realize it or not, it’s what we were looking for.  I see it online with social media almost daily. There are some people who seem absolutely SET on finding drama and stirring up stress and emotions. I don’t want to get off track, here, but what is up with these people?! I want things to be as calm and peaceful as possible… who, in their right mind, wants drama circling around them?!

Whether it makes sense or not, they search for it and, naturally, they find it.

I’m always amused when, after it hits the fan, they act shocked and confused like, “How did this storm happen???”

You did the rain dance, honey, that’s how!

By contrast, there are people (raising my hand high) who get on social media to be informed, entertained, amused, and (hopefully) provide these things for others. Again, what they seek is generally what they find.

Have you ever seen a 4 year old who is tired and cranky? He/she seems to be actively looking for trouble, don’t they? How like children adults can be!

This is a short post because the real trick is simply to get your thoughts flowing. You don’t need me to tell you if you set out looking for drama, gossip, and maybe even a little argument now and then. You don’t need me to tell you if you actively seek out calmness, harmony, and goodwill. You already know you – as well as I know my Chicken Little ridiculous self! I’m only here to ask you this – Is what you seek conducive toward your happiness and mental health or not? Is what you tend to actively look for constructive to your relationships or destructive?

Make no mistake about it, each of these questions has a clear answer.

We find what we actively seek… make sure you’re looking for something worth having, because you will find it.

~ Joi

How to Make Yourself Feel Better

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When you have a bad day or something wrong happens and ruins your mood, how to feel better about yourself? Actually, it is not so difficult as you think. Here are 5 small things you can do to help yourself move on and feel better.

Take a Laugh Break

Laughing can trick your brain into thinking that you are happy which can stimulate actual feelings of happiness. It lets your muscles relax and helps relieve your body’s stress response. Well, when you have a terrible day, take a break and laugh! Remember some funny situation or joke, call your funniest friends, watch funny video or movie and your bad mood will go away.

Pamper Yourself

You are the best and that is the perfect reason for beautifying yourself, especially if you are feeling down. Pamper yourself to your own standards. Go get your nails done or get a new haircut. If you like shopping (although I don’t know any girl who doesn’t like shopping!), buy yourself some new stuff for fun. No matter if you buy a pair of new heels or CrossFit shoes (to choose the best ones see http://thecrossfitshoes.com/11-best-cheap-running-shoes/), pretty blouse or sexy skirt, you will feel more confident and, moreover, in such a way you can also boost your self-esteem, which helps make you happier.

Dive into Reading

The healing power of literature is amazing! When you are sad, stressed or depressed, reading can transform your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You can forget about your problems while reading about someone else`s or you can come to understand your state of mind and try to improve it because you can find yourself in the pages of a nice novel or in a wonderful poem. Experiencing someone meets their challenges will give you good ideas and great inspiration on how to meet your own.

Join a Gym

Don`t forget about your physical health because it also affects your mental well-being. Regular physical exercise helps you improve and maintain your physical health that leads to an increased level of mental health. Just remember, you should choose the best trainers for your regular workouts. The right CrossFit shoes will improve the efficiency of your workouts and reduce the risk of injury.

Spend Time with Family or Friends

Strong social support is your key to happiness! Try not to isolate yourself if you feel super down, temporarily depressed or just in a strange mood. Your family and friends are a great source of support because it identifies a sense of belonging and security. When you spend  time with your family members or trusted friends, you understand that you are not alone in this big world and this realization makes you a really happy person. Thus, the support of your family and friends helps you deal with your emotional pain faster and foster a sense of self-worth.  

Well, no matter what life brings you, you should find the strength to feel good about yourself whatever happens. It is in your hands to lift your spirits and you have everything to do that by yourself.