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Nine Secrets Happy People Know – Part TWO

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Choose Happiness

Continued from Nine Secrets Happy People Know – Part ONE

4.  Happy People Know You Can’t Let Other People’s Lives Direct Their Own.  A director pretty much dictates how a play is going to happen.  He, or she, tells people where to stand, when to walk, how to feel, etc.  The director will tell the other people involved in the play when they’re “getting it right” as well as when they’re “getting it wrong!”

They call the shots.

An actor or member of the crew expects it and doesn’t question the director’s right to pull power trips – after all, it’s what they’re there for.  It’s all part of the system.

However, this sort of thing most definitely isn’t part of the system when you aren’t on a stage or in front of a camera.  Each individual IS their own director in their own life.  No one else gets to tell us how we should feel or how we should react.

People are happiest when they are allowed to be their own person, not who someone else expects them to be. 

Happy people, at some point in their life came to terms with who THEY are.  What’s more, they made up their mind to be that person no matter who was around and regardless of what others think.

The individual who thinks they have to be a chameleon and change how they act, talk, or even think, depending upon who they’re around, is not a happy person.  If they were happy and content, they’d wear themselves all the time and never take themselves off.

If you ever find yourself altering who you are as a person around certain people,  ask the following question, “Why am I afraid to be me around_____?”   If it’s a fear of ridicule, the next question could very well be,  “Why AM I around this person in the first place?!”

When I was in high school, I recall that it was a very “in” thing for girls to act ditzy and dumb.  I’d watch with my jaw on the ground as some of my friends would go from talking intelligently about class assignments (from Shakespeare to Spanish)  to blanking out when a boy joined the group.  Some boys would laugh and, I suppose, think the dumb act was cute?  Others would look almost frightened and take off in search of higher ground.  These boys? They were the ones who’d been worth chasing.  The ones who enjoyed the show… not so much.

When I first started going out with my husband, I was pretty nervous at first.  I liked him more than anyone I’d ever met and hoped with every ounce of my being that we’d hit it off.  I could tell he was really smart right off the bat.  I remember my mind running around in circles thinking, “If he’s smart, would he prefer an airhead or would he like the fact that, unlike the Scarecrow, I happen to have a brain?”  My mind was busy mulling over the ins and outs of that subject for the first 30 minutes of the first date.  Then, I noticed something kind of unique.  He kept asking questions – kind of like little “tests.”  Looking back, I don’t know… maybe he was testing the depths of the water.

Since I actually liked who I was and felt proud of any knowledge that I had, I went with being myself.  So when this kid with the prettiest blue eyes I’d ever seen brought up the subject of mental telepathy, I jumped right in.  When he fired random questions about random subjects, I fired the answers back – whether it was about the lead singer of Van Halen or what I’d do if I possessed telepathic powers, if I knew it…..I said it.

We’ve been happily married for well over 20 years now and one of the things that has kept the marriage the happiest is that I allow (and encourage) him to be him and he allows (and encourages) me to be me.  There’s a total and complete freedom and relaxation in knowing that you can just be you.

People who have to try to “measure up,”  “fit in,”  or “put on an act”  don’t have time to be happy – they’re too busy trying to act.  If you have anyone in your life who has this effect on you, do yourself a huge favor and set things right.  If you suspect that you AFFECT someone else in this way, do everyone a favor and set things right.

We should always accept people as they are – whether it’s yourself or someone else.

Be happy.  Be yourself.

There’s actually a flip side to this, too. Happy people ALLOW others to be who they are without trying to make them fit into a particular mold they’ve chosen.

I am, thanks be to God, a naturally happy person. I believe that, to a certain degree, I was simply born this way. My dad had happy in his dna and I inherited it from him. He loved to laugh more than anything… I love to laugh more than anything. He didn’t judge people… I don’t judge people. He looked for reasons to be happy… I look for reasons to be happy.

However, a lot of happiness has to do with a choice you make every single day. You much CHOOSE to be happy and CHOOSE not to allow anyone else to trip you up.

Here’s an example. Picture two women (both, for the most part, happy) at work one day. A co-worker does something completely illogical but our two happy women react and respond differently.

  • The first woman registers what has happened and kind of whispers in her head, “That was like something straight out of a sitcom… glad it wasn’t me!” She then goes on about her day, leaving what happened behind.
  • The second woman registers what the co-worker did and becomes irate (in spite of the fact it had nothing to do with her!). She rails to anyone within earshot about how “dumb” the co-worker is… how she would NEVER have done such a thing, etc. Her mood is completely sour for the rest of the day! She takes it to the store with her, then is cross with an employee. She takes it home with her and bites her spouse’s head off for no reason. She has take a load that wasn’t even hers to carry and burdened herself with it AND hit at least two people over the head with it.

Learning to let things go before you look like a perfect fool carrying them around hitting people is a big secret to your own happiness as well as everyone in your path’s!

Also See:
Secrets of Happy People Part 1


Nine Secrets Happy People Know – Part ONE

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Quote About Happiness

You know the old joke about the weather, right?  Everyone talks about it but no one ever does anything about it.  In the area of Self Help, our “weather” is definitely happiness.  Everyone has it on their mind, and it comes up frequently in conversation.  People want to talk about it, and they most definitely want to possess it, but when it comes to doing anything about it….. they kind of fade into the background.  The reason might be that they just don’t know HOW to be happy.

I lean toward the belief that, as Abraham Lincoln said, “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  That, of course, doesn’t include people who find themselves in the middle of grief, clinical depression or anxiety, or a physical or mental illness. Depression and anxiety can be serious illnesses that require a doctor’s care and no amount of positive affirmations or “How to Be Happy” articles will cure these issues any more than they would diabetes.

If only that were possible, I’d do all I could to close down hospitals everywhere!

This series of “Secrets Happy People Know” is for the rest of us.

So, Who Are These Happy People and What Can You Learn from Them?

Think about the people in your world.  Some are happier than others, right? Some are so happy, being around them is about like watching an episode of Andy Griffith.  Even when circumstances are foul, they’re generally light-spirited and smiling – maybe even joking around.  The good news is that they aren’t superhuman, so what happy people “have” is available for everyone.  Basically, there are nine secrets that happy people have stitched into the fabric of their lives, probably without even realizing that they’ve done so.  Three are below, the other six will be hot on their heels in the next article in the series.

  1. Happy people know, understand, and even embrace the fact that life isn’t perfect.  They stopped expecting their days to sail by without any turbulence long ago.  They’ve simply adapted their thinking and reactions to “ride” the waves rather than fighting against them.   By contrast, unhappy people think that every turbulence, every bump, every misstep is a catastrophic event.  It “wouldn’t” happen to other people – only to them.  They think God has allowed this injustice and they, quite frankly, resent it very much.  Even little events can snap the smile off of an unhappy person’s day – their balloon will burst just as easily over a slow internet connection as it would a flat tire.  When bad things happen (which they tend to do… it is life, after all), someone who is generally happy simply deals with it.  No panic, no melt downs, no throwing blame around or raising their voice.  Oh the drama – So exhausting!  Granted, the smile will disappear as they get down to business, but it’ll return right after they’ve put everything back together again.  Happy people know they can’t control life, but they CAN control the way they respond to life.
  2. Happy people don’t live in the past.  Some people feel unhappy simply because they won’t leave the past in the past.  Happy people know that, for better or worse, the past is gone – living there, or even visiting too frequently, is a waste of time and energy. Some things have to be LET GO.  You have to tell yourself – out loud even – “I’m letting this go before it proves to be my undoing.”  Happy people live in the present and realize that it can be a beautiful place if you accept it for what it is.
  3. Although it may seem ironic, happy people are the best fighters in the world.  If you think of the happiest person you know, the word “fighter” may not come to mind immediately.  After all, don’t we picture fighters as angry, determined, even mean?  In the boxing ring, sure – but think about outside the ring.  If someone is hit hard by one of life’s punches, and they refuse to go (or stay) down, how’d they find their feet?  They fought for them, and they fought hard. The harder the punch, the harder it is to stand back up… but it’s so worth the fight!  Unhappy people are actually weaker.  Usually they gave up long ago and got somewhat comfortable on the mat.  Sometimes their fights have been harder and sometimes life has called on them to fight more often.  It takes uncommon strength to find your legs when life has pummeled you to the ground, but find them you must. Your happiness depends on it.

What some people don’t realize is that happy people feel the same pains the rest of the world does.  If a happy person loses their dream home, for example, they most definitely register the pain.  They cry the tears.  They feel the loss.  BUT they don’t let the situation win.  They stand back up, dry their eyes, and look ahead to the great things that lie in the future.  An unhappy person would use an experience like this as a crutch – a crutch that will only lead them to one of two places:  Anger or Bitterness.  Neither place is worth visiting, let alone moving into.

If you’re generally, by nature, a “happy person,” give a big sigh of relief because you’ve learned one of the most important lessons in life.  If you’re an “unhappy person,” give a big sigh of relief because you don’t have to stay that way.

Unless, of course, you want to.

I didn’t think so! Watch for this series to continue as we uncover more secrets to happiness!


Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives

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Quote About Being Yourself

I’m about halfway through a wonderful book, How to Think Like a Millionaire (I hope to have the review up soon!).  It’s one of those books where you find yourself, not only taking notes, but closing the book every now and again just to let everything soak in.  After this morning’s reading, I was basically a sponge.

I just finished a section on Positive Feedback vs Negative Feedback and the impact they have upon our subconscious mind and the absolute power our subconscious mind has over our lives.  Everything rises and falls according to the strength of our subconscious mind, so keeping positive and life-affirming thoughts therein could make ALL the difference.

The Live-Changing Power of Positive Feedback

When I got up from reading to make my husband breakfast, I was still thinking about what I had read.  I realized how, in my own life, positive feedback had a huge impact on me.  My mom and dad were forever telling me what a “good” child I was, how they never had to worry about me getting into trouble, and so on.  That early reinforcement, I’m sure, had a great deal to do with the fact that I never DID get into any trouble.  When I was in my 30’s, a few months before I lost my father – my dad told one of his nurses that the only trouble I ever gave him or my mom was one solitary speeding ticket.

I told him at the time that it was because I was perfect – but I’m absolutely sure that’s not completely honest!

I believe that the same scenario plays out for kids who are constantly told that they’re “bad,” “difficult,” or “spoiled.”  They live down to those words the way the lucky kids live up to the ones they hear.

As I kept thinking, I realized another area where positive feedback affected me greatly.  I believe that one of the reasons I ever fancied myself a writer had to do with things my aunt told me years and years ago.  Penny (my mom’s sister and an aunt I’ve always been VERY close to) and her husband (Bobby – LOVE him too!) had to move to another state when I was really young.  It was really hard on all of us, but Bobby had an amazing offer in Ohio that he would have been a fool to say no to.  He’s the master of corny jokes, but a fool he’s not.

When they left, I missed them terribly, so we started writing a lot of letters to one another – oh, to have had e-mail and social media back then!  When they came home for Christmas, she went on and on about how much my letters meant to her and Bobby.  She said she always looked forward to them and saved each one.  When she said they “made her smile” because they were like visiting with me, I began to associate true, beautiful power with words.

Many years later, when I got married and we had to move to Kansas, I had a lot more letters to write.  I still wrote to Penny, but I also wrote to my parents and my grandmother.  Each one of them always told me how much they loved reading my letters, how they kept them and often re-read them.  My grandmother even told me how she read them to her friends, and that they enjoyed my “way with words.”

Positive Feedback, friends.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that all of my loved ones were right and I’ve had a fascination with words and writing since.

When I handed my smiling husband his breakfast, I thought of yet another area of positive feedback touching my life. Early in my marriage, I fell head over heels in love with cooking.  I started collecting cookbooks and even began coming up with my own recipes.  He’d often have his single friends over to our house for supper.  I often overheard him talking about my “wonderful” cooking and it made me believe I was the greatest cook in the world.  The fact that he and our daughters are always so complimentary about my meals, desserts, bread, etc. only makes me love cooking more and more.

I am very, very blessed that the people I love most in this world have always made me feel like I could do anything. It makes me very sad to think there are others out there who don’t have this positive feedback in their life.

A Lack of Positive Feedback

I wonder if one of the main reasons people become discouraged and give up is because they don’t get enough positive feedback. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the couple who has been together for several years. She begins to feel he doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the words. The positive feedback, early in the relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong.

The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often give up because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever good enough.

The Pitfalls of Negative Feedback

The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the comments say they are. Many even tune the negativity out to a certain degree, after all, who wants to constantly hear how worthless, stupid, wrong, irresponsible, or bad they are?!?! But it goes much deeper than them tuning it out. They begin to believe it. When someone believes the worst about themselves, they stop even trying.

However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. After they’ve gotten enough positive feedback, they begin to give themselves MORE of the same feedback, then… look out!

The Most Important Feedback of All

As important as the feedback we get from others is, it’s not the most vital feedback. That feedback is the one we feed ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, usually inside our own minds, determine how successful we will or will not be. We are, basically, what we think we are.

The words below are just some of the words we use to cripple ourselves:

  • I’m too old
  • I’m too fat
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I never catch any breaks
  • I don’t have enough money
  • Nobody loves me
  • I’m lonely
  • I can’t do anything
  • I’m so depressed
  • I am so sick and tired of…
  • My live sucks!

When we feed ourselves words like this, we’re feeding ourselves a type of poison. Anyone who feeds these words to another person (especially someone they supposedly love) should be even more ashamed.

Start thinking more about the feedback you give to others and to yourself.  The words you say to and about the people around you makes them better or makes them worse.  If you beat them down, that’s where they’ll stay.  If you build them up, that’s the direction in which they’ll grow.

Now let’s change the pronouns a little:  If you beat yourself down, that’s where you’ll stay.  If you build yourself up, that’s the direction in which you’ll grow.  How far can you and I grow?  As far as we want to!

How to Think Like a Millionaire

The book below, How to Think Like a Millionaire is a must-read as far as I’m concerned. It’s all about altering your mindset – the millionaire part has absolutely nothing to do with it. What matters is believing that you deserved the best from life… because you absolutely do.


Tips to Help Single Parents Achieve Financial Freedom

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As a single parent, you are the sole breadwinner of your family. You need to provide your family with the basic needs, privileges, and even luxuries if possible. With financial responsibilities lying on your shoulders, it can be stressful. How can you get the place of financial freedom as a single parent? When you get here, you will be able to afford all the things you want and have investments that are paying back, plus your debts will be a thing of the past. Would this not make you happy? Here are a few tips that will help you get the financial freedom you need.

Set Goals

It is said that not having a plan is planning to fail. This is particularly true in finance matters. If you do not have a goal, you will end up spending money on unimportant things while the important ones get sidelined. Set both short-term and long-term goals. It is important to write down the goals for reference purposes.

Just setting goals is not enough. You need a clear plan on how to achieve each goal. Think of the steps you can take towards achieving your goals and create a clear plan on how you will do it. Remember to be realistic with your plans. You can set a high goal and you will achieve it only if you have a realistic plan.

Prioritize and Be Realistic

It is important to be real with yourself. Whether you are just from a divorce or a loved spouse that has passed on, you need to move on from how things used to be. Look at how much money you earn. What are your needs? These should be given priority. For instance, the safety of your children is very important. Buying a double front door will make your home safer and more appealing. On the other hand, a visit to the amusement park every now and then is not necessary. Prioritize needs before wants.

It is pointless to plan and hope for things you cannot afford. Be realistic with what you can afford and only buy these. With being realistic comes contentment and less stress.

Cut Unnecessary Costs

If you evaluated your life, you would find that there are so many unnecessary costs. Do you really need to leave the hallway lights on while you are in the house? This can save you a lot in energy bills. There are so many other ways you can cut costs. From changing the schools your children attend to reducing the groceries. Evaluate your life and wherever you can reduce cost, do it. This will give you more money to work on essentials and savings.

Avoid Costly Mistakes

There are many money mistakes you can make but some are costlier than others. Avoid mistakes that can kill your aim of being financially free. Things like legal issues and unwanted car or house expenses can be really costly and will only waste your money.

These roadblocks to reaching financial security are some of the things you need to avoid. Mistakes that will cost you a lot of money will derail your journey towards achieving financial freedom.

Save for Emergencies and Goals

Financial freedom is about having investments and savings. Savings help attain goals and make investments. Start saving as early as you can for your planned goals and you will surely attain financial freedom. How much should you save? The correct answer to this is “as much as you can.” Save a lot at a time and you will achieve goals faster.

Saving for emergencies is also important. You never know when a family member may fall ill and you need to be prepared. There are many other emergencies that may arise so it is best to have an emergency kitty set aside specifically for this. Define what emergencies are so you do not take out the money unnecessarily.

Another good reason to save is to help you get out of debt. To be financially free, you need to stay away from debt. By saving you can decrease your debt to zero in a short time.

With the above tips, you will soon realize your financial freedom. What will you do once you get there? Here is a useful guide on what to do after reaching financial independence. You need to be prepared for your new life. Enjoy it!

Signs of the Times or….. Just Bad Manners?

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Quote About Rude People

I’m a student of people and their behavior.   Whether it’s a rude person I encounter online or a sweet, talkative girl in the line Starbucks (with an adorable Canadian accent I could have listened to all day), people fascinate me.

I’ve noticed a few changes lately in temperament.  I realize it’s ridiculous to talk in generalities, so let me preface it by saying that these observations don’t mean that EVERYONE (thanks be to God!) is falling victim to these traits.

Just enough people to make it noticeable.

Rudeness

So many people have become so rude and inconsiderate that they’re looking and acting less and less… well…  human. How about celebrities, politicians, and others on social media that spout off insensitive opinions that aren’t just ridiculous, they’re downright hurtful? They come across as though they haven’t an ounce of tact or consideration whatsoever.

It’s not just celebs, politicians, or rude people on social media, of course. There are also the rude drivers, shoppers, workers… the list goes on.

Thankfully, kind people still outnumber the jerks. A while back, I mentioned on Twitter that I had the flu and bronchitis (yes… at once.. I’m an overachiever) and I heard from many people wishing me a speedy recovery. Even closer to home, my family went out of their way to make me feel better — checking on me, waiting on me, and showing their love and concern in many ways. In spite of coming close to my germs.

Among all of the “crusty” individuals in the world today, it’s always good to see that plenty of hearts haven’t been hardened.

Selfishness

Another trait that’s becoming rampant is selfishness. Fewer people will go out of their way to help another person than ever. I’ll be the first to say that everyone should try very hard to help themselves, hence the name of my blog: Self Help Daily. But sometimes that’s just not possible. It hurts to see so many people wrapped up in their own world that they can’t even see other people’s needs.

You see it in store and restaurants all the time. A child makes noise (news flash: children do such things!!!) and grown adults within earshot act like they have been personally attacked. Heaven forbid they actually smile at the child and the adults working feverishly to quiet him or her. It’d be a much better look than scowling in their direction every ten seconds.

I also see self-absorption online on a regular basis and, again, social media is making it (in my opinion) more of an epidemic than it it an inconvenience.  20 years ago, it’d would seem so STRANGE for someone to spend upwards of 30 minutes getting “just the right picture of themselves,” then taking said picture (the best of the bunch, of course) and showing it to everyone in their family, all of their friends, and everyone in town.

We’d have thought they were nuts! But today, it’s the norm.  Back then, we’d have thought, “They must think they’re pretty cute to want to show themselves off,” but today it’s “normal.”

Well…. supposedly it is.

Selfies do not make individuals selfish or self-oriented, obviously. However, they are a clear indication that our society is more ME-focused than it  has ever been before.

Work-a-haulics

Due to the economy, it seems that a lot of people are working themselves into a fevered pitch. They’re trying to do half a million things at once (maybe that explains the cranks). There’s nothing wrong, of course, with pushing yourself to get the most from life. The thing is, very often when you’re pushing yourself, you’re pushing others around you who…well…don’t want to be pushed. When we overestimate all that we can conceivably do, we start handing out our “to do’s” to other people. It’s as though we take our own to do list and tear it into fourths. We know we can’t do all of it, so we hand it out to others – basically creating their to do lists for them. As though they don’t have their own lists!

When we get to that point, it’s either time to barter for favors with them, or realize that we’re spreading ourselves way too thin.

I started thinking about these Human To Do lists when I read about a woman who was furious with her husband for not doing everything she’d left on his “list.” When asked why she thought he didn’t get to them, she said he’d “probably blame it on” the fact that he had two jobs.

Probably!

It may sound like a line from Little House on the Prairie, and for that I apologize, but we should all remind ourselves of the Golden Rule. We should treat others the way we’d want to be treated. No ifs. No ands. No buts. And certainly no butts.