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How to Feel Better About Growing Older: Your Story Isn’t Over, It’s Just Getting Good!

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How to feel happier about aging

Live. Love. Laugh… Then Laugh a Little More!

First of all, allow me to say that if you’re feeling unhappy, sad, or in any way negative about growing older or looking older, there’s nothing wrong with that! We feel how we feel and we are entitled to these feelings. So when I try to make you feel happier, I am not (in any way) suggesting you are wrong to feel sad or unhappy. I just want you to be happy – I like your smile.

The loss of youth, a youthful appearance, and of being able to do all we once did can be unsettling. In fact, isn’t it the last two things that get to us the most? I don’t know about you, but the number doesn’t bother me… even when I hit the fifties, I didn’t mind the number. I mean a number is just that… a number. I do mind not being able to walk as far or jog like I used to. I mind not being able to eat certain foods or eat late into the evening like I once did.

And boy oh boy, did I mind the peculiar things that began to happen on my arms (there used to be more tone and definition, if memory serves!), face, and (Lord have mercy) neck.

Seriously… why does the neck turn on a person so quickly?! The one body part it’s almost impossible to cover, camouflage, or paint?!?

We all have moments, don’t we? I almost never stress over appearance, I do my nails, spritz on my perfume, fluff my curls, apply makeup, ask my neck, “Why, though?” and get on with life. I have always (even as a teenager) cared 100 percent more about what was inside a person more than what was outside, including myself.

Whether it’s me or someone else, I am infinitely attracted to a great sense of humor, a love of life, a non-judgmental attitude, and a personality that draws you in its direction. We live in a world that focuses entirely too much on appearance (thanks a lot social media, selfies, and fad diets). How much better would it be if we praised personalities, compassion, being well-read, etc.

NOTHING in the world wrong with wanting to be healthy, look your best, and feel your best – but what’s going on INSIDE is so much more important and I’m willing to die on that hill.

If you’re reading this, odds are you’re feeling a little (or a lot) down about aging. Whether it was something you saw in the mirror (it was the neck, wasn’t it?) or something you weren’t able to do as well as you once were, you may simply have a case of the “sads.”

I want very much to see if I can help you get past the sads and dive head-first into the glads like a puppy in a pile of leaves.

Below are a few tips and tricks of the trade I’ve learned in the fabulous fifties (they really are fabulous in many ways):

  1. Keep a sense of humor – it will serve you well! I’ve listed this first for a reason – I think it may just be the most important one. Having a sense of humor and being able to see the humor in most situations is vital throughout life, but never more so than in the golden years (50-100+).  When you’re laughing, you aren’t ignoring things that bother or bug you (more about those in a minute), you’re simply letting them know you will NOT be brought down by them. You will NOT allow them to trample on your joy or let the air out of your happiness. Laughing doesn’t just feel good, it is healthy for your body and mind. I highly, highly, highly recommend watching The Golden Girls and (if colorful language doesn’t offend you) the Grumpy Old Men movies. They’re hilarious and will absolutely remind you to laugh. The Golden Girls could actually be prescribed therapy for us women who are growing older. They wear it so well and have so much fun with life, it reminds us that we can too!
  2. Eat right, sleep right, and keep your doctor’s appointments. I want to see you happy, but I also want to see you healthy. Some people get a certain age and they do all they can to avoid doctors. Horrible idea! Getting a great checkup could make a world of difference in how you feel. So very often, someone feels “off” or “not quite themselves” and bloodwork shows that all they need is a little more Vitamin D or Iron. Both of these make a whole world of difference in how you feel.  I’ve also found that Magnesium is something else that helps a great deal. Be sure to ask your doctor about each of these. Also, be sure you’re eating right and getting enough sleep. Both are vital to looking and feeling your best.
  3. Address those things that bug you! If you don’t like something about yourself (weight, hair, skin… whatever), research ways to improve it and get to work. Once you start working on something, you feel instantly better – long before you see even a hint of improvement, you feel a world better.
  4. Don’t focus on what LEFT… focus on what REMAINS. If you’ve suffered a loss in relationships, family member, health, a pet, home, business, or you feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself, try very hard not to focus too much energy on what you have lost (or even perceive that you’ve lost). Focus, instead, on what or who remains. It’s a trick many use when dealing with an empty nest. They go from focusing on the child or children who had the audacity to leave the nest (how dare they grow up?!) and they focus on who and/or what remains. When you feel every bit of your age, try to switch your focus to the fact that you’re still bright, still funny, and (on some days) even downright sassy. Don’t spend too much time looking at those gray hairs… look, instead, at how your eyes still sparkle. It sounds simple, but it is absolutely therapeutic. Focus on what remains. Focus on what remains. Focus on what remains.
  5. Do not look to the future with fear or sadness, look instead at the life you’ve lived with awe and gladness! Think of the love, the laughs, the things you’ve seen, and the things you’ve done. Your life is a wonderful story and it is in NO WAY over yet! Heck, the best chapters may still lie ahead.

I don’t want to keep you much longer, I want you to get out there and enjoy your wonderful life, but I’ll just leave you with this. The next time you’re thinking anything like…

  • “I can’t do this, I’m too old…”
  • “I will never be okay with how I look..”
  • “What is with these creaking knees?”

… I want you to think back on your life. I want you to name times when you were your own hero.  Did you overcome cancer, a gallbladder operation, an especially bad car wreck, or a scary trip to the emergency room? Have you had to say goodbye (for now!) to your mom, dad, husband, wife, or other loved one at a funeral home? Did you have a dream home you had to drive away from… or close a business you worked half your life for? Think of the times you’ve had to step up, be tougher than you ever thought possible, and come walking out of the rubble… maybe even limping at first. Now tell yourself, “I’ve lived through the worst. This will be a cakewalk.”

Be your own hero. Hey, you’ve done it before… you’re good at this!

Make each moment count double and stay in the fight! ~ Joi (“Joy”)

How to feel happier about aging

Your Story Isn’t Over… It’s Just Getting Good!

Sometimes You Gotta Be Your Own Hero….

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Sometimes You Gotta Be Your Own Hero!

One of my favorite sayings is, “Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.” I like it for several reasons…

  1. It’s always cool to cast yourself in the lead role.
  2. Building an attitude of, “I got this!” is one of the healthiest attitudes to create.
  3. Doing things on your own – and for yourself – builds confidence and confidence makes more things possible…. sometimes confidence makes even the impossible possible.

Is it glorious when others do things for you? Sure. Does it feel good when someone cuts your workload in the office or list of chores at home in half by stepping up? You bet! Does it make you warm inside when someone says the right things about the supper you fixed, the veggies you grew, or the way you look in red? Definitely! However, one of the best lessons you can learn in life is this – you CANNOT control other people. You can’t make them want to help and you can’t program them to do what you want when you want it. You might, somehow, be able to make them say something, buy you can’t make them mean it. They either dig the way you look in red or they don’t.

Crazy thing about people, when all’s said and done, they tend to gravitate toward what they want to do and what they want to sy, when they want to do it… when they want to say it. What matters to them… well… matter to them.  What matters to you…. well… matters to you.

The two don’t always cross paths.

Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Period.

Sometimes if you want your oil changed, you have to roll up your sleeves and do the job. Sometimes if you want the spreadsheet completed, you have to grab a cup of coffee and get after it. Sometimes if you think the cucumbers you grew are far superior to the ones at Kroger, you just have to say out loud, “Wow, buddy, you grow the best cucumbers in the county… maybe the entire country.”

The problem is we tend to expect others to do or say what we want done or said. In fact, it’s actually one of the first things we have to watch out for as we grow older (though it seems that some people excel at the “Save Me!” mentality in grade school).

Doing things for yourself should give you a sense of pride – not pity. If you fall into the latter, pull up your bootstraps and have a heart to heart with yourself. Ask yourself… “Since WHEN can’t I drive myself to the store?!”  “Who says I can’t spend the day by myself without whining about being lonely?!” “When did I stop being able to put in a full day’s work without complaining to everyone in ear-shot?!”

 

If you find yourself saying, “I can’t do this…” aloud or to yourself, hold yourself accountable. If it’s a medical reason – then you’d be silly to even try. For example, if someone has a bad back, lifting things is a big NO NO. Trying to do so wouldn’t be smart or heroic.. it’d just be dumb.  I have a hiatal hernia (I hate to brag, but it is what it is) and lifting anything over 10 pounds causes me days of trouble. I’d be a dummy to sign up for that. I’ve learned to bag my groceries lighter and make multiple trips to/from my vehicle. I’ve found ways to work around it but when I say “I can’t lift that 15 pound (whatever),” I’m not looking for a hero, I’m looking for days without pain.  The same goes for anyone with medical reasons.

“Sometimes you gotta be your own hero” isn’t talking about those of us with a written excuse, it’s talking about those without any excuse. There’s a difference between, “Can I get a helping hand, please” and “Save me, for crying out loud!”

People who have the mentality of “save me”  are pretty much everywhere. They’re in the stores motoring around in motorized wheelchairs when they’re perfectly capable of walking – asking people to “step aside” or even hand them things. If they couldn’t walk, that’s one thing, but 9 times out of 10, they CAN, they’re simply too lazy. They’d rather be catered to.

You can even find even find this crowd on Twitter, of all places! How many times do you see someone end their tweet with “Please RT” (re-tweet)? While this is understandable for a tweet that’s seeking prayer or emergency assistance of some sort, it’s kind of a call for a hero otherwise.

How about creating something so fantastic people can’t help but re-tweet it? Be your own hero.

There are also the people on social media who complain about people not following them or “ignoring” them.  I always want to ask them, “Why make someone essential to you when you’re a non-essential to them?” Two choices: Walk away and never look back or get comfy with being ignored.

Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Period.

Blazing a Trail in the Wrong Direction

A final thought. When we do something again and again (even when we entertain a particular thought again and again), we’re blazing a trail that our actions, tendencies, and thoughts will gravitate toward.

Here’s a quick illustration. During winter, I trudge through the snow, daily, wearing my husband’s boots (quite a sight, as you’d imagine) to create a path between our back door and the bird/squirrel feeding station in the front of our home.  After a few days of walking the same path, I blaze a trail that I can easily shuffle through – back and forth taking fresh water and food to my feathered and furry friends. It’s a Snow White complex, what can I say?

After a week into winter, I don’t even think about where my feet are going, I instinctively “fall into” my set routine and follow my trail back and forth.

My winter trail hasn’t failed me yet because I know full-well where I need to go – directly from the back steps to main feeding station, then a slight turn to another. If I, for whatever reasons, were to veer off to the left, my trail would go to no man’s land and (given that I’m insanely clumsy) I would fall flat on my face.

Our daily actions, thought patterns, and tendencies blaze trails that we follow instinctively. Are yours’ leading you where you need to go or have they caused you to veer off into no man’s land and flat on your face?

Here’s a quick test:

  • Do you find yourself complaining (either internally or aloud to others) about what others don’t do for you – whether it’s drive you places, buy you things, compliment you, etc? Do you look for others to validate you or do you focus on doing your best and allowing the validation to speak for itself?
  • Do you resent having to do something in particular?
  • Do you pay undue attention to what others are doing or not doing?
  • After doing a task, do you walk away with a sense of pride or resentment?

Basically, if your path takes a route that studies others and what they do or don’t do for you instead of simply taking care of weeding your own garden, you’re in need of blazing a new trail.

Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Period.

~ Joi

P.S. I hate to repeat myself, and hate (even more) having to listen to myself twice (once is more than enough!) – but AGAIN this is NOT about those with medical or age-related limitations. If you have a grandfather who is 93 years old and incapable of driving himself to the store, this does not give you permission to park a motorcycle in front of his house and say, “Here you go… wear a helmet.”  Not only would you get “Jerk of the Year” dis-honors, I’ll hunt you down and kick you…. with my husband’s boots on, no less.

This is for those who CAN but WON’T.

REMINDER: I have set up a new Twitter account for Self Help Daily and would love for you to follow along: @self_helpdaily – Thank you!