One of my favorite sayings is, “Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.” I like it for several reasons…
- It’s always cool to cast yourself in the lead role.
- Building an attitude of, “I got this!” is one of the healthiest attitudes to create.
- Doing things on your own – and for yourself – builds confidence and confidence makes more things possible…. sometimes confidence makes even the impossible possible.
Is it glorious when others do things for you? Sure. Does it feel good when someone cuts your workload in the office or list of chores at home in half by stepping up? You bet! Does it make you warm inside when someone says the right things about the supper you fixed, the veggies you grew, or the way you look in red? Definitely! However, one of the best lessons you can learn in life is this – you CANNOT control other people. You can’t make them want to help and you can’t program them to do what you want when you want it. You might, somehow, be able to make them say something, buy you can’t make them mean it. They either dig the way you look in red or they don’t.
Crazy thing about people, when all’s said and done, they tend to gravitate toward what they want to do and what they want to sy, when they want to do it… when they want to say it. What matters to them… well… matter to them. What matters to you…. well… matters to you.
The two don’t always cross paths.
Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.
Period.
Sometimes if you want your oil changed, you have to roll up your sleeves and do the job. Sometimes if you want the spreadsheet completed, you have to grab a cup of coffee and get after it. Sometimes if you think the cucumbers you grew are far superior to the ones at Kroger, you just have to say out loud, “Wow, buddy, you grow the best cucumbers in the county… maybe the entire country.”
The problem is we tend to expect others to do or say what we want done or said. In fact, it’s actually one of the first things we have to watch out for as we grow older (though it seems that some people excel at the “Save Me!” mentality in grade school).
Doing things for yourself should give you a sense of pride – not pity. If you fall into the latter, pull up your bootstraps and have a heart to heart with yourself. Ask yourself… “Since WHEN can’t I drive myself to the store?!” “Who says I can’t spend the day by myself without whining about being lonely?!” “When did I stop being able to put in a full day’s work without complaining to everyone in ear-shot?!”
If you find yourself saying, “I can’t do this…” aloud or to yourself, hold yourself accountable. If it’s a medical reason – then you’d be silly to even try. For example, if someone has a bad back, lifting things is a big NO NO. Trying to do so wouldn’t be smart or heroic.. it’d just be dumb. I have a hiatal hernia (I hate to brag, but it is what it is) and lifting anything over 10 pounds causes me days of trouble. I’d be a dummy to sign up for that. I’ve learned to bag my groceries lighter and make multiple trips to/from my vehicle. I’ve found ways to work around it but when I say “I can’t lift that 15 pound (whatever),” I’m not looking for a hero, I’m looking for days without pain. The same goes for anyone with medical reasons.
“Sometimes you gotta be your own hero” isn’t talking about those of us with a written excuse, it’s talking about those without any excuse. There’s a difference between, “Can I get a helping hand, please” and “Save me, for crying out loud!”
People who have the mentality of “save me” are pretty much everywhere. They’re in the stores motoring around in motorized wheelchairs when they’re perfectly capable of walking – asking people to “step aside” or even hand them things. If they couldn’t walk, that’s one thing, but 9 times out of 10, they CAN, they’re simply too lazy. They’d rather be catered to.
You can even find even find this crowd on Twitter, of all places! How many times do you see someone end their tweet with “Please RT” (re-tweet)? While this is understandable for a tweet that’s seeking prayer or emergency assistance of some sort, it’s kind of a call for a hero otherwise.
How about creating something so fantastic people can’t help but re-tweet it? Be your own hero.
There are also the people on social media who complain about people not following them or “ignoring” them. I always want to ask them, “Why make someone essential to you when you’re a non-essential to them?” Two choices: Walk away and never look back or get comfy with being ignored.
Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.
Period.
Blazing a Trail in the Wrong Direction
A final thought. When we do something again and again (even when we entertain a particular thought again and again), we’re blazing a trail that our actions, tendencies, and thoughts will gravitate toward.
Here’s a quick illustration. During winter, I trudge through the snow, daily, wearing my husband’s boots (quite a sight, as you’d imagine) to create a path between our back door and the bird/squirrel feeding station in the front of our home. After a few days of walking the same path, I blaze a trail that I can easily shuffle through – back and forth taking fresh water and food to my feathered and furry friends. It’s a Snow White complex, what can I say?
After a week into winter, I don’t even think about where my feet are going, I instinctively “fall into” my set routine and follow my trail back and forth.
My winter trail hasn’t failed me yet because I know full-well where I need to go – directly from the back steps to main feeding station, then a slight turn to another. If I, for whatever reasons, were to veer off to the left, my trail would go to no man’s land and (given that I’m insanely clumsy) I would fall flat on my face.
Our daily actions, thought patterns, and tendencies blaze trails that we follow instinctively. Are yours’ leading you where you need to go or have they caused you to veer off into no man’s land and flat on your face?
Here’s a quick test:
- Do you find yourself complaining (either internally or aloud to others) about what others don’t do for you – whether it’s drive you places, buy you things, compliment you, etc? Do you look for others to validate you or do you focus on doing your best and allowing the validation to speak for itself?
- Do you resent having to do something in particular?
- Do you pay undue attention to what others are doing or not doing?
- After doing a task, do you walk away with a sense of pride or resentment?
Basically, if your path takes a route that studies others and what they do or don’t do for you instead of simply taking care of weeding your own garden, you’re in need of blazing a new trail.
Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.
Period.
~ Joi
P.S. I hate to repeat myself, and hate (even more) having to listen to myself twice (once is more than enough!) – but AGAIN this is NOT about those with medical or age-related limitations. If you have a grandfather who is 93 years old and incapable of driving himself to the store, this does not give you permission to park a motorcycle in front of his house and say, “Here you go… wear a helmet.” Not only would you get “Jerk of the Year” dis-honors, I’ll hunt you down and kick you…. with my husband’s boots on, no less.
This is for those who CAN but WON’T.
REMINDER: I have set up a new Twitter account for Self Help Daily and would love for you to follow along: @self_helpdaily – Thank you!