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An Introvert’s Guide to Starting a New Job (Infographic)

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There are countless ways to divide humans into groups (male/female, happy/sad, Type A/Type B….) but one that comes into play pretty often, especially on self help blogs, is INTROVERTS and EXTROVERTS. While it’s almost impossible to place people decisively into any groups (aside from gender, race, and blood type), most people do either fall directly under the heading introvert or extrovert – or, at the very least, lean more heavily toward one than the other.

Intorverts tend to keep to themselves more. While they are not remotely unfriendly and don’t lack in the personality department – introverts do not mind time with (or to) themselves. In fact, they prefer it! Extroverts, on the other hand, are generally the ones controlling as many conversations as possible. They thrive on being the center of both conversations and attention.

The first day of school or the first week at a new job presents two entirely different scenarios for introverts and extroverts. For extroverts, it’s “game on!” They usually approach such experiences as a welcome opportunity – “Let’s see how many people I can meet and how many conversations I can have today!”

But what about the introvert? The one who’d rather be at home curled up in their favorite chair with hot chocolate and a great mystery? These types of experiences can range anywhere from annoying to nauseating for someone who’s motto is “the fewer people, the better…. no people, the best!”

The infographic below can offer some much-needed encouragement along with priceless advice.

The advice can help you get through the day with your eye on the prize… your favorite chair, hot chocolate, and a great book at the end of the day!

Courtesy of: On Stride

Sometimes You Gotta Be Your Own Hero….

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Sometimes You Gotta Be Your Own Hero!

One of my favorite sayings is, “Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.” I like it for several reasons…

  1. It’s always cool to cast yourself in the lead role.
  2. Building an attitude of, “I got this!” is one of the healthiest attitudes to create.
  3. Doing things on your own – and for yourself – builds confidence and confidence makes more things possible…. sometimes confidence makes even the impossible possible.

Is it glorious when others do things for you? Sure. Does it feel good when someone cuts your workload in the office or list of chores at home in half by stepping up? You bet! Does it make you warm inside when someone says the right things about the supper you fixed, the veggies you grew, or the way you look in red? Definitely! However, one of the best lessons you can learn in life is this – you CANNOT control other people. You can’t make them want to help and you can’t program them to do what you want when you want it. You might, somehow, be able to make them say something, buy you can’t make them mean it. They either dig the way you look in red or they don’t.

Crazy thing about people, when all’s said and done, they tend to gravitate toward what they want to do and what they want to sy, when they want to do it… when they want to say it. What matters to them… well… matter to them.  What matters to you…. well… matters to you.

The two don’t always cross paths.

Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Period.

Sometimes if you want your oil changed, you have to roll up your sleeves and do the job. Sometimes if you want the spreadsheet completed, you have to grab a cup of coffee and get after it. Sometimes if you think the cucumbers you grew are far superior to the ones at Kroger, you just have to say out loud, “Wow, buddy, you grow the best cucumbers in the county… maybe the entire country.”

The problem is we tend to expect others to do or say what we want done or said. In fact, it’s actually one of the first things we have to watch out for as we grow older (though it seems that some people excel at the “Save Me!” mentality in grade school).

Doing things for yourself should give you a sense of pride – not pity. If you fall into the latter, pull up your bootstraps and have a heart to heart with yourself. Ask yourself… “Since WHEN can’t I drive myself to the store?!”  “Who says I can’t spend the day by myself without whining about being lonely?!” “When did I stop being able to put in a full day’s work without complaining to everyone in ear-shot?!”

 

If you find yourself saying, “I can’t do this…” aloud or to yourself, hold yourself accountable. If it’s a medical reason – then you’d be silly to even try. For example, if someone has a bad back, lifting things is a big NO NO. Trying to do so wouldn’t be smart or heroic.. it’d just be dumb.  I have a hiatal hernia (I hate to brag, but it is what it is) and lifting anything over 10 pounds causes me days of trouble. I’d be a dummy to sign up for that. I’ve learned to bag my groceries lighter and make multiple trips to/from my vehicle. I’ve found ways to work around it but when I say “I can’t lift that 15 pound (whatever),” I’m not looking for a hero, I’m looking for days without pain.  The same goes for anyone with medical reasons.

“Sometimes you gotta be your own hero” isn’t talking about those of us with a written excuse, it’s talking about those without any excuse. There’s a difference between, “Can I get a helping hand, please” and “Save me, for crying out loud!”

People who have the mentality of “save me”  are pretty much everywhere. They’re in the stores motoring around in motorized wheelchairs when they’re perfectly capable of walking – asking people to “step aside” or even hand them things. If they couldn’t walk, that’s one thing, but 9 times out of 10, they CAN, they’re simply too lazy. They’d rather be catered to.

You can even find even find this crowd on Twitter, of all places! How many times do you see someone end their tweet with “Please RT” (re-tweet)? While this is understandable for a tweet that’s seeking prayer or emergency assistance of some sort, it’s kind of a call for a hero otherwise.

How about creating something so fantastic people can’t help but re-tweet it? Be your own hero.

There are also the people on social media who complain about people not following them or “ignoring” them.  I always want to ask them, “Why make someone essential to you when you’re a non-essential to them?” Two choices: Walk away and never look back or get comfy with being ignored.

Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Period.

Blazing a Trail in the Wrong Direction

A final thought. When we do something again and again (even when we entertain a particular thought again and again), we’re blazing a trail that our actions, tendencies, and thoughts will gravitate toward.

Here’s a quick illustration. During winter, I trudge through the snow, daily, wearing my husband’s boots (quite a sight, as you’d imagine) to create a path between our back door and the bird/squirrel feeding station in the front of our home.  After a few days of walking the same path, I blaze a trail that I can easily shuffle through – back and forth taking fresh water and food to my feathered and furry friends. It’s a Snow White complex, what can I say?

After a week into winter, I don’t even think about where my feet are going, I instinctively “fall into” my set routine and follow my trail back and forth.

My winter trail hasn’t failed me yet because I know full-well where I need to go – directly from the back steps to main feeding station, then a slight turn to another. If I, for whatever reasons, were to veer off to the left, my trail would go to no man’s land and (given that I’m insanely clumsy) I would fall flat on my face.

Our daily actions, thought patterns, and tendencies blaze trails that we follow instinctively. Are yours’ leading you where you need to go or have they caused you to veer off into no man’s land and flat on your face?

Here’s a quick test:

  • Do you find yourself complaining (either internally or aloud to others) about what others don’t do for you – whether it’s drive you places, buy you things, compliment you, etc? Do you look for others to validate you or do you focus on doing your best and allowing the validation to speak for itself?
  • Do you resent having to do something in particular?
  • Do you pay undue attention to what others are doing or not doing?
  • After doing a task, do you walk away with a sense of pride or resentment?

Basically, if your path takes a route that studies others and what they do or don’t do for you instead of simply taking care of weeding your own garden, you’re in need of blazing a new trail.

Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Period.

~ Joi

P.S. I hate to repeat myself, and hate (even more) having to listen to myself twice (once is more than enough!) – but AGAIN this is NOT about those with medical or age-related limitations. If you have a grandfather who is 93 years old and incapable of driving himself to the store, this does not give you permission to park a motorcycle in front of his house and say, “Here you go… wear a helmet.”  Not only would you get “Jerk of the Year” dis-honors, I’ll hunt you down and kick you…. with my husband’s boots on, no less.

This is for those who CAN but WON’T.

REMINDER: I have set up a new Twitter account for Self Help Daily and would love for you to follow along: @self_helpdaily – Thank you!

The One Superpower We All Have… The Power to Choose

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Quote About Choices and Decisions
Who is your favorite superhero? Batman, Wonder Woman, Captain America, Thor, the Black Widow, Spiderman, Superman, Iron Man, Hawkgirl? With all due respect to all caped heroes and heroines, my top three are Hawkgirl, Iron Man, and Batman.  Though, after seeing the new trailer for Wonder Woman, I have a feeling my “top 3” is about to become a “top 4.”

That lasso, man.

We all love superheroes because they have this incredible amount of nobility and endless power they use for the good of mankind.

While we mere mortals may have varying degrees of nobility, we do have something in common with superheroes – we have our own superpower and can most certainly use it for good. This superpower is the power to choose.

I don’t know about you, but I often abuse my power. I am often confronted with two choices and exercise my superpower poorly by making the wrong choice.

We all struggle with the power to choose simply because we are, in fact, mere mortals.

Quote About Making Good Choices
Situation 1: We’re confronted by someone who is clearly in a bad mood. We have enough sense to SEE that but do we have enough sense to get out of the way? Not always. In fact, very often we charge right in, making a bad situation worse by responding to their harsh words with even harsher words. We take our power to choose and blow it to bits. In doing so, we take a bad situation and elevate it to a terrible situation – benefiting absolutely no one.

Situation 2: We can choose to take a walk or do a little yard-work – getting sunshine, fresh air, and exercise at one whack… or we can choose to stay inside and play a game online. How often do we make the wrong choice with this one? And let’s not even get into food choices!

Situation 3: We witness negativity and ugliness on social media. We can choose to rise above it and try to set an example for the immature mortals around us… OR we can get right down on their level and go toe to toe with them. When we make this poor choice, don’t we just increase the number of jackasses? 

The examples go on and on, but you get the idea. We have endless opportunities daily to exercise our superpower. The opportunities are so great that I’d never want to even attempt to count them. Our day is filled with moments and our moments are ripe with opportunities.

Life is the Sum of All Of Your Choices

How do we make better choices?

  1. The first step to making better choices is simply to acknowledge you are, in fact, making a choice. Take the first and last situations above, for example. If we were to train ourselves to be more mindful, we could train ourselves to pause before reacting to others. In that moment of pausing, we could then ask ourselves, “Is this the person I want to be? Do I want to mirror their behavior or aim higher than that?”
  2. The second step is to breath in, breath out and choose well. Ask yourself, which choice is “worthy of me?”  and which choice will “be best for me and others involved?” When it comes to most choices, the decision has to be made within seconds. You don’t always have time to sit down and write out a “Pros and Cons” outline (though I gotta admit, I love those). You have to recognize that you have a choice, then you have to make the one that is worthy of you, best for you, and best for everyone involved. Not the choice that feels good in the moment – but the one that’ll feel good after the moment has passed – because the rest of your life is a heck of a lot longer than that one moment.

If we were to acknowledge the power given to us each time we have a choice, perhaps we’d make smarter choices. Smarter choices = better life.

Wonder Woman would approve.

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Make Choices that are Worthy of Who You Are
 

 

Trying to Wear too Many Hats Doesn’t Do Anything But Cause Headaches

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Quote About Trying to Do Too Many Things
 

This past week, alone, I’ve witnessed the following:

  • An e-mail from a Christian newsletter publisher talking about treating joint pain.
  • A department store with a bank, clinic, and tax prep booth – all where better shoe, books, and clothing selections once were.
  • A bar-b-que restaurant serving fried fish. BAD fried fish.
  • Another e-mail newsletter (“specializing” in health) talking about relationships.

And it’s just Wednesday!

Is it just me, or are people trying to DO too many different things and BE too many different people these days?

Fast food restaurants may be the worst. There’s even one clown who seems to think he’s Starbucks.  Stick to the fries and burgers, buddy.  Oddly enough, people seem shocked that this restaurant is falling in profits and popularity. That happens when you stop trying to “perfect” what you’re supposed to be doing.

There’s a beauty salon I drive by frequently and it seems that each time something new has joined the lineup: manicures, pedis, botox, fillers, and other things I can’t even pronounce. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least to drive by today and see, “Now doing open heart surgery! Get your nails done before you even come to!”

Even my own much, much beloved coffee shops are branching out further and further. Pastries, sandwiches, smoothies, candy, nuts, etc…

Trying to do everything doesn’t perfect anything.

Take the flip side. Think of  Chick-Fil-A, Cracker Barrel, NBA Players, and Waffle House.

  • Chick-Fil-A sticks with chicken. They concentrate solely on what’s on the sign out front and you will not find better chicken in any fast food restaurant.
  • Cracker Barrel doesn’t try to be anything they’re not. They serve great home-style cooking and leave the rest to… well, they leave the rest to the rest.
  • NBA and WNBA Players Defy Logic. Ever think of how incredibly difficult it would be to get a small ball into a hole that’s hanging so far away? All while there are 5 athletes, your size or bigger, giving their all to defeat your purpose?! But these men and women commit themselves to the game and they are just mind-boggling to watch. They specialize in perfecting their game and their conditioning. They do things we can’t even begin to imagine doing because they work at that one thing – basketball.
  • Waffle House? Breakfast food all day, all night. Can you imagine how ludicrous it’d be to see “Now serving lasagna” on the sign out front? A lot of the scenarios we see everyday are just as ludicrous, we’ve just gotten used to them.

Now let’s bring it home to where we live. Do we ever fall into the same traps to the ones above? Of course we do. It’s human nature, I suppose to think, “More = Better.”  Wal-Mart’s reasoning is that if they create essentially a “small city” inside each store, more people will shop there. They think, “Let’s give them a bank, a clinic, a beauty salon, a pharmacy, an Optometrist, a place to do their taxes…”

None of which, of course, makes them a better department store. Ironically, it makes them LESS valuable as a department store because all the other clicks and whistles are squeezing out the LAST things they should be squeezing out. I can remember when Wal-Mart had the cutest, most affordable shoes in town. This was about 10 years ago and their selections have gone downhill since. I guess they just don’t have room for things like that anymore.

Mark my words, Sam Walton would not be a happy man.  Can you imagine what he’d said the first time someone said, “Hey, Mr. Walton, I have a great idea. Let’s put a clinic inside each store!”

Don’t get me wrong, I applaud ambition but, like they say, “Ambition without knowledge is like a boat on dry land.”  And since NO ONE knows everything, that stands to reason that a lot of people are treading water they never should have jumped into in the first place.

What happens when an individual tries to do too many things, wear too many hats, and tries to walk on too many different paths? Well, for one thing, they look like a darn fool.

On a more serious level, though, he or she suffers in three key areas:

  1. The MORE they do and try to do, the LESS happy they will be. They find themselves so BUSY trying to do all things and be all things that they’re left with no time to simply enjoy life. Life is passing them by and they never actually even look up long enough to see it. Stress is a particularly ugly monster and he prefers people who have too many hats. They’re like some kind of signal to him – he thinks, “Easy prey!”  How can you tell if stress is sneaking up on you or already has you in his clutches? I think the easiest way is to ask yourself how your RESPOND to situations and people. Do relatively small things set you off? Do things that once wouldn’t even measure a blip on your radar now cause your heart rate to speed up, your neck muscles to tense up, and an angry disposition to show up. Sure signs of stress…. and since stress leads NOWHERE good, deal with it today.
  2. The GO! GO! GO! mentality creates physical problems that can be deadly. Heart disease, hypertension, and even gastrointestinal problems can, and are, directly linked to this type of hyper lifestyle and mindset.  Have you ever seem someone in the throes of thinking they had to do a million and one different things? I swear, sometimes they even forget to breath.
  3. Relationships Suffer. While this is the last one in the list, it certainly is not the least. Moms and dads who think they HAVE to work extra long hours at the expense of actually spending time with their children are making one of the biggest mistakes known to man or womankind. It’s also one of the mistakes they’ll, one day, regret the most.  The same can be said for husbands and wives who become so wrapped up in “making money,” “having more,” and “getting caught up…” when every topic of conversation revolves around these subjects, the stage is set for misery.

Life isn’t something we’re going to be able to get out and enjoy for hundreds of years, you know. If you’ve become so busy that work or money are all you ever think or talk about and you’re forever looking for your next hat – do yourself (and everyone in your life) a favor…

  • slow down
  • breath
  • live in the moment
  • enjoy life

Your level of happiness will rise with each hat you cast aside.  Life is to be enjoyed, not rushed through.

~ Joi

Top Ten Things You Should Stop Doing

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Top Ten Things You Should Stop Doing
 

We are a generation of to do lists, multi-tasking, smart phones, and appointment calendars.  We’re convince that the MORE we DO, the happier we’ll be.  We think, “If we want happiness, we have to do do do and get get get…”

We proudly wave our “git ‘er done” mentality and vow to do just that.  And, of course we want our lunch to go – after all there are places to go, people to see, and plenty of ‘er to get done.

I won’t even lecture (well, not today anyway) about what this does to our health, psyche, and relationships. You get a free pass, I’ll go all mother hen on you about your well-being another day.

What we fail to realize, however, amongst all of our busyness, is that we can have an admirable “To Do” list, but if we keep doing certain negative, destructive things – we’re just shooting ourselves in our ever moving feet.

Think of these 10 self-destructive thoughts or actions as your To Don’t list.

  1. Don’t put things off.  If you’ve been wanting to build a tree house… go buy your lumber today! If you’ve always wanted an herb garden Martha Stewart would be impressed with, start planning it right now. If the thought of something makes you smile, imagine how much you’ll smile when it’s out of your brain and in your reality.
  2. Don’t let others determine how you feel about yourself.  Never look to other people to see your own reflection – you’ll never get the same one twice.  Taking a good, hard look at yourself is the first step in the self improvement journey.  But YOU are the one that has to take inventory.  Don’t let others build you up too high, but certainly don’t allow them to tear you down.  When someone else determines your highs and lows, don’t they pretty much have control over you?
  3. Don’t allow toxic thoughts to rent space in your mind. Here’s the dangerous thing about thoughts – they don’t remain thoughts. They become actions, they become attitudes, and they become words. Actions and words CANNOT be undone. They can be apologized for, agonized for, and can serve as huge weights on your conscience – but they can never be erased. If you entertain negative thoughts about an individual and keep feeding these thoughts with MORE negativity and hatred, it will come out – make no mistake about it. Think of negative thoughts as toxic waste. NOW, how long do you want them sticking around?
  4. Never “bad mouth” your loved ones to others.  I once read a woman’s quote that said something to the effect of how thankful she was that her name was always safe in her sweetheart’s mouth. I thought that was beautiful. She knew that if he ever spoke of her to his friends and/or family, it would be with kindness and love. When we speak of our loved ones, should they not be able to say the EXACT same thing? Are your loved one’s names safe in your mouth? Don’t run people down – especially those you love. Build them up… brag on them! People will make judgments about your loved ones by your own words – they’ll also judge just how much you love and pride you have for them from these same words.
  5. Don’t make excuses.  If you mess up, and come on, who doesn’t – own up to it.  Don’t try to laugh it off if it isn’t funny, don’t try to re-size it (up-size or downsize), and most of all, don’t try to put the blame on someone else.  Finger pointing is a big pet peeve of mine. Don’t. Do. It. It’s ugly.
  6. Don’t underestimate karma.  Seriously, never ever fail to give karma her due – you’ll be sorry.  I’ve been telling my daughters about her (and her keen memory and even keener sense of justice) as long as I’ve been telling them to say please and thank you.  Karma can be a rewarding, kind, beautiful seeker of justice, but she can also seem like a cruel, vindictive something or another. Either way, she has an impossibly long memory. You can’t outrun her, you can’t hide from her.  The only thing you can hope to do is to stay on her good side.  You know the old adage that says the mother is the “heart” of the home, and that if she’s happy, everyone’s happy – but if she’s miserable, everyone’s miserable?  Meet Karma… the heart of life’s home.  When you make a point of doing the right thing (whether anyone’s watching or not), Karma keeps score and your world will be more harmonious.  But when you dodge what’s right in favor of what’s wrong, you’re instantly on her ‘ish list.  And make no mistake about it, she’ll get to you.
  7. Stop doing what you hate. If you’re working in a job that makes you miserable, find another one.  Life’s too short to spend it being miserable.
  8. Stop thinking so much about money.  That’s another thing that sort of defines our generation. We never seem to think we have enough money.  Think about it this way – if we had more, we’d just spend more.  When my husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a heckuva lot of money.  When our beautiful daughters started arriving, we had even less.  More love, more happiness, more laughter – but most definitely less money.  Today, we’ve been blessed to have enough money, but guess what?  We still spend it.  We simply pay a little more for what we wear, where we live, what we eat, and what we drive.  We were as warm, as comfortable, as full, and as mobile then as we are now.  I’ll let you in on a little secret too, we were just as happy then as we are now.  We’re the same people now as we were then.  We laugh out loud at Andy Griffith reruns, get far too wrapped up in UK Basketball and St. Louis Cardinals baseball, spoil our daughters and cats, and so on.  Money buys stuff but it doesn’t buy happiness, it doesn’t buy relationships, and it doesn’t buy memories.  If you’re sacrificing any of the three in its pursuit, you’ll be more than sorry in the end – you’ll be devastated.
  9. Don’t nitpick other people!  Sorry for the exclamation mark – I just felt compelled to yell this one out loud.  How this guy wears his hair, how that woman dresses, what this person eats, how that person talks – none of your concern.  Not your problem. In the new testament, at the point where Jesus has risen and is addressing his apostles, one of them sees fit to ask Him about another apostle.  Jesus’ response was, “What is that to you?” A very loving and long-suffering way of saying, “Now remind me how that’s any of your business sir….”  We get SO off track by looking at what others are or are not doing.  They are responsible for their own lives – how they dress, where they work, how they live… Unless it is directly… directly, now… affecting you or one of your loved ones, let it go. Why bother finding MORE things to worry about or be unsettled by? Wouldn’t life be better if one looked for things to be happy about? Also, keep this in mind – if you overly criticize people, they will eventually stop trying to please you. They’ll figure, “I can’t do anything right with this so and so… so…. I quit even trying.”  If you kill someone’s creativity and confidence, how does that benefit you OR them?
  10. Finally, stop doing what isn’t working. If you’ve been working toward a particular goal and don’t seem to be gaining on it whatsoever, it’s time for Plan B because Plan A is belly up.  You can either keep wasting time and hope it suddenly flips over and miraculously starts working, or you can abandon what doesn’t work and find something that does.

BONUS: This one is my absolute favorite one… so I set her aside from the rest. A chosen, favored one to be sure.  Once years ago, I read a quote that – if there were such a thing – would be my ‘Spirit Animal Quote.’  It said, “All I’m after is a world filled with laughter.”  I’m all about laughter and had MUCH rather be accused of finding too many things funny than of finding too few things funny.

Yes, I’m one of those who laugh out loud at commercials with talking animals, and can be found doubled over with tears in her eyes while watching funny cat videos online.

I love to laugh and the sound of other people laughing is music to my ears.  Never fail to look for the humor in situations.

Here’s an example that happened to my family recently.  I was sitting beside my daughter Brittany in a “surgery waiting room.” She was waiting to be taken back for kidney stone surgery.  She was in quite a bit of pain and was almost as worried and anxious as me. Almost. There, surrounded by about 10 other people who were awaiting surgeries, we found ourselves in a totally somber setting.

Then she pointed out something to me and we both had to laugh – a “biker” came strolling through, slowly, and took a seat. On the back of his leather jacket were the words GRIM REAPER.  Brittany said, “Oh, great. What’s he doing here?”  I told her, “I thought he’d be taller.”

I don’t know, there was just something about the moment that made us laugh. She even reached for her camera phone to take a picture but the Grim Reaper sat down and his chair hid his identity.

We both decided that, yet again, we had proof of one thing – God has a terrific sense of  humor.

Just because we aren’t kids anymore doesn’t mean we have to stop looking for the fun in life. It’s there. You’ll find it if you look. Try to find the humor in as many situations as possible.

Laughing beats grumbling any day.

Sometimes we have to STOP doing things in order to START doing things.  The negatives just weigh the positives down, so ditch them on the now.

Now, I’m off to plan my epic herb garden,
~ Joi

Quote About Humor