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You are here: Home / Archives for Self Help / Self Awareness

Self Awareness

You Can (Almost) Always Find What You’re Looking For… So Be Careful What You Seek!

March 5, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

Perspective Quote

Short story to set the stage – even if it does involve telling on myself and my ridiculousness in the process:

A few years ago, my husband was away for a business trip. I’m not the bravest person in the world, so when my daughters began talking about something VERY scary they had read about one afternoon, my brain whispered, “Well, if this doesn’t keep you awake all night, nothing will.” I pushed the whisper aside and reasoned that by the time bedtime rolled around and the lights were off, I’d be fine.

WRONG.

As soon as the lights turned off, the brain turned on. It felt compelled to remind me of the “true” horror story. Being very familiar with myself and knowing what it’d take for me to get any rest whatsoever, I grabbed my iPhone and Googled, “Why {insert horror occurrence} is a hoax.” Badabing! I found explanation after explanation of why this couldn’t possibly have happened and found “holes” punched everywhere within the story.

I slept like a baby.

Here’s the tricky thing – Had I been a complete idiot and Googled, “Why {insert horror occurrence} is true,” I’d have found… you guessed it… just what I was looking for.

I’m sure you’ve figured out where this is heading, right?

So often, in life, what we “find” doesn’t happen by mistake or coincidence – we “find” it because, whether we realize it or not, it’s what we were looking for.  I see it online with social media almost daily. There are some people who seem absolutely SET on finding drama and stirring up stress and emotions. I don’t want to get off track, here, but what is up with these people?! I want things to be as calm and peaceful as possible… who, in their right mind, wants drama circling around them?!

Whether it makes sense or not, they search for it and, naturally, they find it.

I’m always amused when, after it hits the fan, they act shocked and confused like, “How did this storm happen???”

You did the rain dance, honey, that’s how!

By contrast, there are people (raising my hand high) who get on social media to be informed, entertained, amused, and (hopefully) provide these things for others. Again, what they seek is generally what they find.

Have you ever seen a 4 year old who is tired and cranky? He/she seems to be actively looking for trouble, don’t they? How like children adults can be!

This is a short post because the real trick is simply to get your thoughts flowing. You don’t need me to tell you if you set out looking for drama, gossip, and maybe even a little argument now and then. You don’t need me to tell you if you actively seek out calmness, harmony, and goodwill. You already know you – as well as I know my Chicken Little ridiculous self! I’m only here to ask you this – Is what you seek conducive toward your happiness and mental health or not? Is what you tend to actively look for constructive to your relationships or destructive?

Make no mistake about it, each of these questions has a clear answer.

We find what we actively seek… make sure you’re looking for something worth having, because you will find it.

~ Joi

Filed Under: General, How to Be Happy, Positive Thought, Self Awareness Tagged With: positivity, self awareness, thoughts

How to Simplify Your Life (Infographic)

February 1, 2017 by Joi Leave a Comment

Complications are not fun. They aren’t peaceful, they aren’t lovely, they aren’t cool…. they aren’t anything but unnecessary, unwelcome headaches.

In that vein, I’d like to propose that we all simplify our lives in 2017. I believe the benefits will be felt in every corner of our lives – including our physical, emotional, and mental health.

The infographic below is a wonderful way to get the ball rolling. The infogrpahic gives us a lot to think about and will help us recognize the areas of our own lives that need a little simplifying.

Courtesy of: NetCredit

Filed Under: How to Be Happy, Infographics, Problem Solving, Self Awareness Tagged With: Infographic, simplify your life

How to Stop Cussing: Breaking a Habit That Freaking Doesn’t Want to Be Broken!

January 16, 2017 by Joi 3 Comments

How to Stop Cussing
Before getting to the tips that’ll help you stop cussing, I have to tell you this funny and very true story: Once there was a young man who happened to be a Pastor’s son. Even though the boy was very young and fresh out of high school… without any experience aside from chewing gum… one of the men in the church pulled some strings and helped get him on at a local factory – a factory that paid great money. It happened to be a plant that everyone in a three county radius wanted to work at because the pay and benefits were outstanding.

The arrangement didn’t last beyond six months. Turns out, factory work turned out being incredibly tough for the young man and he decided that he didn’t care much for it.

But you need a really solid reason to leave a very good job that someone helped you get – especially when you have to look your dad (the Pastor, not less) in the face and tell him you’re leaving said job. The young man found what he considered to be an admirable excuse and one his father would approve of. He said that there was far too much cussing going on at the plant. He simply didn’t want to be around all of the foul language.

When asked what he planned to do, he replied, “I’m going to join the Marines.”

TRUE STORY. Priceless and wonderful and as true as a cat’s attitude.

Let’s get to the subject at hand, or rather tongue, shall we….

So, how’s it going with those New Year’s Resolutions?!! Oh, don’t want to talk about it, huh? I understand.

I perfectly understand.

One of my own resolutions – to give up sweet tea and drink plain Jane unsweet tea instead –  isn’t going exactly purring right along. I haven’t succumbed to the sweet white tempter, yet, but the day is still young.

I’ve been reading a lot of different people’s resolutions and got an idea (if nothing else, it’ll distract me from brooding about sweet tea). I decided I’d pick some of the resolutions that I know something about or that I think I could offer at least a few words of encouragement for people trying to sort them out.

One that stood out to me was the resolution to stop cussing. Unlike a sweet tooth the size of the Grand Canyon, this is not a problem area for me.  I’m not sure if it was the case everywhere, or if it was a Southern thing, but during my formative years, women and girls didn’t cuss. If they did, it was frowned mightily upon. The guys did, when “the occasion called for it” but the gals?

Heavens no!

So, I simply never had a problem with cussing, swearing, turning the air blue… whatever you want to call it.

The problem is there are plenty of people who never had a problem with it until they started hanging around (or married) someone who had a very real problem with it.  Funny thing about less-than-desirable habits, they’re much easier to latch onto and copy than the good ones.

Ever wonder why that is? I wonder all the time and still haven’t figured it out!

I’ve known girls who never said a word that couldn’t be spoken in front of the Pope, himself, who started hanging around with people who cuss so often they seem like they’re talking in tongues. Within a year, I find myself hoping they never meet the Pope.

Habits rub off on you when you least expect it.

What’s more, Holy cats, swearing is everywhere! TV shows, movies, and mainstream music are to be kind of expected – but cooking websites, news stories, and commercials? WOW.

Now, before you think I’m clutching my pearls, here, or that individuals who have made this resolution are trying to be “holier than thou”- that is not the case. Swearing can prove to be a very embarrassing habit. The individual who swears as easily as they breathe will… not might… will drop their guard at some point at let out a string of profanities at the worst possible time.

What’s more, cussing in front of children (aka breathing tape recorders) has never and will never lead to anyplace worth going.

There are plenty of reasons WHY people want to quit (or at least cut way back on) cussing. The tips below can help them put the odds in their favor.

How to Stop Cussing and Swearing

  1. Most of the time, swearing is a result of anger or, at the very least, frustration. Simply put, while some people swear as though it’s a part of their everyday vocabulary (more about these birds in a minute), the average swearer does so because he/she has stubbed their toe, has more bills than money, is annoyed with a family member, or has been called upon to wait 5 minutes for a table at Olive Garden. If you tend to turn the air blue when you’re either feeling anxious or angry, recognize that and watch out for it. When you’re having a stressful day (or week… month… year?!) remind yourself that you are very vulnerable right now. This reminder will cause you to put your brain in gear before you open your mouth.
  2. If you tend to cuss as easily as you breathe and the words you’re wanting to get rid of roll off your tongue as easily as horse, lunch, telephone pole, or sweet tea.. you are going to have a little bit of a tougher road than the angry swearers. Why? You don’t differentiate between moods – you’d just as soon rattle off the &$*@s while happy and content as you would while stressed and angry. You will have to start paying EXTRA close attention to the words that come out of your mouth. I’ve known people who cussed during a conversation and then swore up and down they didn’t say one word, let alone 3,302. People, it would appear, aren’t in the habit of listening to themselves. Problem is – how are you going to improve your speech if you don’t really hear what’s coming out of your own mouth?!
  3. Crazy tip (but one that works): Come up with your own innocent word or phrase to use in place of the unacceptable ones. When I was growing up, my aunt had her own favorite.. “Shoot a monkey.” How’s that for southern? That became my own “colorful phrase” and it served me well. Over the years, the animal lover in me simply couldn’t abide by it, so my own words became “heck” and the recently updated “heckity heck”(hey, tough times call for stronger language). I’m also very fond of “holy cats” and son-of-a-gun.  My mom worked with a lady who went with “doodle.” Yeah, that one doesn’t do much for me either. The thing is, this may be the only fun part of the whole process, so enjoy it. Come up with something that will be your replacement word/phrase, then take it for a test drive. Bonus tip: don’t go with rhymes or words that sound similar.  You’ll defeat your purpose if you sound like you’re doing what you’re trying not to do.
  4. This is just my own personal opinion – but I wouldn’t ask for a “helper” on this one. I wouldn’t have your significant other, son, daughter, mom, dad, or friend try to “catch” you or point out your language. Seriously – that’s asking for trouble and is putting them in a very unfair position…. a position similar to placing them in front of a runaway freight car. Hold yourself accountable by listening to your own words because, unless you’re the easiest going, kindest, mildest person in the world… you are not going to appreciate being interrupted mid rant.

Filed Under: Problem Solving, Self Awareness, Self Growth, Self Improvement, Spiritual Tagged With: how to stop cussing, how to stop swearing

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You (Infographic)

January 10, 2017 by Joi Leave a Comment

For whatever reasons, I’m always fascinated with “personality” quizzes and infographics. They aren’t just fun, they can actually be pretty insightful. Ironically, they’re often right on the nose, too.

The great infographic below is all about what your handwriting says about your personality. Enjoy!

What Your Handwriting Says About You (Infographic)
Credit: essaywritingservice.co.uk

Filed Under: Infographics, Self Awareness Tagged With: self help infographic, what does your handwriting say about your personality

What is Up With All the Self-Absorbed People?!

January 5, 2017 by Joi Leave a Comment

Self Absorbed People
A lot of people say, “I hate to complain…” but honestly, I have an absolute aversion to it. In fact, when growing up, many times my mom would take me to the doctor only to find that I was much sicker than she thought. I simply didn’t complain.

I still don’t. Don’t like the way complaining tastes in my mouth. Does that make me perfect? HA! Far from it – it simply makes me an optimist who takes her title seriously.

However, I have to do a little belly-aching today. What is up with all of the self-absorbed people these days?! I am not about to get into any politics or world events – I may be a lot of things (crazy cat lady, clown, hideous budgeter, chocoholic, caffeine addict…) but flaming idiot is not one of them. Why does the average man or woman think that THEY’RE opinion is the only one that counts?

Why does the average man or woman not only get mad when others disagree with them… but outraged?! It’s as though they’re screaming, “How dare you not think the way I think?! HOW. DARE. YOU?!!”

What makes their opinions, thoughts, or beliefs more valuable than the people they’re spraying anger all over?

Nothing. The problem is they are self-absorbed and can barely grasp that the world isn’t bowing to their every whim.

The self-absorbed epidemic isn’t just on the big stage, of course. It’s popping up everywhere – in fact, if you watch for it, you’ll be amazed at how rampant it is.

Think about it….

  • People take pictures of themselves and plaster them all over the internet – surely everyone else is as interested in how they looked this afternoon as they are.
  • They take their holier-than-thou selves to other people’s blogs, YouTube channels, websites, and social media and tell them what they’re doing wrong, what’s wrong with how they look, and how blissfully far from perfect they are. (I recently read someone criticize a celebrity chef for their fudge recipe… she said it was too sweet. Fudge! Too sweet!)
  • How many people have you seen in a GORGEOUS location with their camera phone pointed at themselves instead of the beauty around them?!
  • Ever listen to “podcasts?” Self-Absorption is rampant there, too.  It never fails to amaze me how some “hosts” or “interviewers” always turn the subject back to themselves. The guest can be talking about his/her field of expertise and how they can help others… only to be interrupted a hundred times by the host who seems aghast that the subject has veered away from them.  I once found myself counting the number of times one guy said, “I” or “Me” or “My” during an interview. I lost track at 50 something and he wasn’t halfway through.
  • Selfies are a thing. However did we survive without taking pictures of ourselves before social media?! I guess we always figured that if we did something worthy of a picture, someone else would take it.
  • The people who get so bent out of shape in traffic, stores, or restaurants? Sure, a lot of it is bad manners, immaturity, and short fuses, but at the heart of it is this – they are totally self-absorbed and can’t imagine how anyone could dare get in their way or slow them down.

The list goes on, but I’m kind of getting depressed, so I’ll end here.

What I’m driving at isn’t really intended for the self-absorbed crowd. No one can really help someone overcome a trait like that – the individual has to have a light-bulb moment and get so completely disgusted with themselves that they change. Unfortunately, you simply cannot turn someone else’s light-bulb on for them. Sure, you can try, but if they aren’t ready to SEE, they’ll simply slap your hand and turn it back off.

I’m just kind of giving the rest of us a reminder – don’t follow where they lead. Here’s the thing, even when we detest certain traits with everything within us, we sometimes follow suit. I read once that children who are abused often grow up to be abusive. That seems completely backward, doesn’t it? They should know better than anyone how wrong it is to EVER hurt another person. And yet…

A lot of it comes down to self awareness. We’d all do well to occasionally take a good, honest look at the person we’re becoming and ask, “Is this what I had in mind?”

When you live in a particular society, it can rub off on you if you aren’t careful. It can become the “norm.” Just think of the people we have made rich and famous – some of the most self-absorbed people to ever walk the earth.

Don’t let it become normal to you and… whatever you do… don’t drink the Kool-Aid. The more people who do become self-absorbed, the worse off we’ll all be.  Be on guard against accepting their way as the right way. It isn’t. Be concerned about others, compassionate, and always on the look out for someone’s life you can touch. Put others first and see how rewarding your life will be!

Okay, complaining over. I’m going to drink a Chai Tea Latte to get the negativity out of my mouth.

I hope your New Year is off to a beautiful start. I have SO many things planned for Self Help Daily this year! Thanks for visiting – you honestly honor me with your company. ~ Joi (“Joy”)

Filed Under: General, Self Awareness, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: self-absorbed people, selfishness

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