Self Help

The Only Way to Reach Our Goals…… Keep Moving!

November 11, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

Don’t Even Look Back!

Why in the world do we often fall prey to the same demons time and time again?! I mean, once we gain a little ground on them, wouldn’t you think we’d never go back? Don’t reasonable people learn from their mistakes and never make the same one ever again?

They absolutely do! In Fairy Tales.

The problem is, we’re all predisposed to certain pitfalls of life. Some people are wired to have outrageous mood swings. They can be laughing and joking one minute and angrily searching out a confrontation the next. Others (Who….. Me?) are careless and footloose with money, then stare in wide-eyed wonder at the cobwebs in their piggy bank.

Some people procrastinate, seemingly for a living. They’re so good at putting things off that it’s a wonder they manage to get anything done. Their opposites are just as amusing, they are so hyper-busy, I’m convinced that they don’t actually fall asleep at night. I think their family gets annoyed with them and knocks them out.

The bottom line: All of the bad traits in the world have multiple owners and we have the title to at least one of them.

I can accept that. I’ve come to expect my bad traits and habits to make themselves known on a daily basis. It’s a game we’ve played for many years. Keeps life interesting, I guess. But what I absolutely can’t stand is when these traits get the better of me and I trip over them – falling into a pit… A pit that’s all too familiar to me. I spend money the minute it’s in my hand, then wonder why I don’t have any.

I keep doing the same things I’ve been doing, expecting the outcome to be different this time. Someone once said that habit was “crazy” and this would be me not exactly disagreeing.

In addition to money, I also struggle with consistency in eating healthy. I will go along, beautifully, for about a week and then… TROUBLE in the form of an order of French fries or a tall glamorous drink from Starbucks filled with calories (come to think of it, Starbucks spells doom for me on both fronts, healthy eating AND spending… uh oh, not a happy realization).

So, it’s back to step #1. Time to start all over again.

The rest of this short, hopefully encouraging, dissertation will include you in the pit with me so watch for I to become we). Don’t worry… I’ll share my Starbucks with you.

We can’t just expect things to happen in life just because we want them to. If we aren’t proactively pursuing our goals or personal improvements, we aren’t going to gain on them. And if we let our guard down for just one second…. we’re done.

I don’t particularly like shining a spotlight on my weaknesses. After all, it kind of goes against the stereotypical, average blogger, right? Most people online lead you to believe they’re so close to perfection that you should pay them just to speak to them. Actually, some are looking for ways to charge you just for saying their name.

They photoshop their lives along with their pictures! Was that mean? I apologize… I get that way when I know my fries and I are about to become strangers.

I’m not interested in coming across as perfect. I’m interested in one thing – helping people, with my very humble efforts, to find the best in themselves and, thereby, getting the most from life. Which is why I’m writing this post. I’m giving you what I wish I’d given myself years ago.

If you have goals you are working toward, stop for a minute and ask yourself if you’re still fighting for what you want or if you’re on the verge of a “break” – take it from me, these breaks will break YOU. Never stop – heck, don’t even slow down. If you think you’re doing all you can to reach your goal, dig down and give it more.

If, like me, you’re closer to broke than breaking – keep your chin up. Very often in life, it takes that one final discouragement to get our attention and spur us on to success. How many people do we read about who find their financial success after bankruptcy?

I did actually recently win a battle that I can’t help being kind of proud of. I had a HUGE obsession with chips (corn chips, Doritos, Cheetos, Funyuns…). I’d keep a bag in the kitchen and pretty much eat from it throughout the day. About a month ago, I decided to make a smart switch and began keeping Cheerios (my favorite is the blueberry variety) on hand to snack on during the day.

I lost 5 pounds!

Wherever you are on the road that leads to your goal, don’t stop chugging along. In fact, pick up the pace! If you’ve fallen, get up. If you’re walking, run. If you’re running… look out, I’m right behind you.

You’ll know it’s me when you smell the blueberry Cheerios! ~ Joi (“Joy”)

Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives

June 21, 2021 by Joi 5 Comments

I’m about halfway through a wonderful book, How to Think Like a Millionaire (I hope to have the review up soon!). It’s one of those books where you find yourself, not only taking notes, but closing the book every now and again just to let everything soak in. After this morning’s reading, I was basically a sponge.

I just finished a section on Positive Feedback vs Negative Feedback and the impact they have upon our subconscious mind and the absolute power our subconscious mind has over our lives. Everything rises and falls according to the strength of our subconscious mind, so keeping positive and life-affirming thoughts therein could make ALL the difference.

The Live-Changing Power of Positive Feedback

When I got up from reading to make my husband breakfast, I was still thinking about what I had read. I realized how, in my own life, positive feedback had a huge impact on me. My mom and dad were forever telling me what a “good” child I was, how they never had to worry about me getting into trouble, and so on. That early reinforcement, I’m sure, had a great deal to do with the fact that I never DID get into any trouble. When I was in my 30’s, a few months before I lost my father – my dad told one of his nurses that the only trouble I ever gave him or my mom was one solitary speeding ticket.

I told him at the time that it was because I was perfect – but I’m absolutely sure that’s not completely honest!

I believe that the same scenario plays out for kids who are constantly told that they’re “bad,” “difficult,” or “spoiled.” They live down to those words the way the lucky kids live up to the ones they hear.

As I kept thinking, I realized another area where positive feedback affected me greatly. I believe that one of the reasons I ever fancied myself a writer had to do with things my aunt told me years and years ago. Penny (my mom’s sister and an aunt I’ve always been VERY close to) and her husband (Bobby – LOVE him too!) had to move to another state when I was really young. It was really hard on all of us, but Bobby had an amazing offer in Ohio that he would have been a fool to say no to. He’s the master of corny jokes, but a fool he’s not.

When they left, I missed them terribly, so we started writing a lot of letters to one another – oh, to have had e-mail and social media back then! When they came home for Christmas, she went on and on about how much my letters meant to her and Bobby. She said she always looked forward to them and saved each one. When she said they “made her smile” because they were like visiting with me, I began to associate true, beautiful power with words.

Many years later, when I got married and we had to move to Kansas, I had a lot more letters to write. I still wrote to Penny, but I also wrote to my parents and my grandmother. Each one of them always told me how much they loved reading my letters, how they kept them and often re-read them. My grandmother even told me how she read them to her friends, and that they enjoyed my “way with words.”

Positive Feedback, friends.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that all of my loved ones were right and I’ve had a fascination with words and writing since.

When I handed my smiling husband his breakfast, I thought of yet another area of positive feedback touching my life. Early in my marriage, I fell head over heels in love with cooking. I started collecting cookbooks and even began coming up with my own recipes. He’d often have his single friends over to our house for supper. I often overheard him talking about my “wonderful” cooking and it made me believe I was the greatest cook in the world. The fact that he and our daughters are always so complimentary about my meals, desserts, bread, etc. only makes me love cooking more and more.

I am very, very blessed that the people I love most in this world have always made me feel like I could do anything. It makes me very sad to think there are others out there who don’t have this positive feedback in their life.

A Lack of Positive Feedback

I wonder if one of the main reasons people become discouraged and give up is because they don’t get enough positive feedback. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the couple who has been together for several years. She begins to feel he doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the words. The positive feedback, early in the relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong.

The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often give up because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever good enough.

The Pitfalls of Negative Feedback

The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the comments say they are. Many even tune the negativity out to a certain degree, after all, who wants to constantly hear how worthless, stupid, wrong, irresponsible, or bad they are?!?! But it goes much deeper than them tuning it out. They begin to believe it. When someone believes the worst about themselves, they stop even trying.

However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. After they’ve gotten enough positive feedback, they begin to give themselves MORE of the same feedback, then… look out!

The Most Important Feedback of All

As important as the feedback we get from others is, it’s not the most vital feedback. That feedback is the one we feed ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, usually inside our own minds, determine how successful we will or will not be. We are, basically, what we think we are.

The words below are just some of the words we use to cripple ourselves:

I’m too old
I’m too fat
I’m not smart enough
I never catch any breaks
I don’t have enough money
Nobody loves me
I’m lonely
I can’t do anything
I’m so depressed
I am so sick and tired of…
My live sucks!

When we feed ourselves words like this, we’re feeding ourselves a type of poison. Anyone who feeds these words to another person (especially someone they supposedly love) should be even more ashamed.

Start thinking more about the feedback you give to others and to yourself. The words you say to and about the people around you makes them better or makes them worse. If you beat them down, that’s where they’ll stay. If you build them up, that’s the direction in which they’ll grow.

Now let’s change the pronouns a little: If you beat yourself down, that’s where you’ll stay. If you build yourself up, that’s the direction in which you’ll grow. How far can you and I grow? As far as we want to!

How to Think Like a Millionaire

The book below, How to Think Like a Millionaire is a must-read as far as I’m concerned. It’s all about altering your mindset – the millionaire part has absolutely nothing to do with it. What matters is believing that you deserved the best from life… because you absolutely do.

Helping Others: It’s Always the Right Time to Reach Out…

June 12, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

It’s Always the Right Time to Reach Out and Help Others

While many things are returning to normal in many parts of the world, none of us are completely back to normal. In fact, for a lot of people, normal may look, sound, smell, and certainly feel different for quite a while.

Maybe forever.

Before you let that make you frown, realize that not all change is bad. In fact, some change can be a very good, positive thing.

What if we all come out of this pandemic more willing to reach out and help others than we have ever been willing before? What if the consideration and concern for our neighbors (very near and very far) that we’ve experienced and displayed lasts… well… forever?

I for one certainly hope so!

I have a great deal of correspondence with others through my e-mail and social media. I have noticed over the past year more of us are apt to sign off with things such as…

Stay Safe!
Be Well!
Best Wishes to You and Your Family!
Etc..

I also notice many greetings begin with..

I hope you’re well…
I hope you’re safe…
I hope you and your loved ones are well…

It didn’t used to be like this.

When I’m in stores and restaurants (still riding an emotional high that my favorite Mexican restaurant weathered this storm and is open for business!), I see people smiling at one another these days – the warm smiles aren’t just reserved for babies anymore! People seem to genuinely care for others post-pandemic than they did pre-pandemic and that’s something I very, very, VERY much sticks around.

Many people are struggling today – more, perhaps, than ever before. The pandemic introduced a lot of unpleasantness into our lives. Some unpleasantness we could SEE – lockdowns, less family visits, less income, arguments with family members who view the virus differently than we do, and a total upheaval in our daily lives. Other unpleasantnesses couldn’t be seen, but my goodness are they ever felt.

the anxiety that comes with coming face to face with your own vulnerability
stress from seeing, daily, others sick and suffering
being more aware of death than ever before… I mean, we were given daily numbers!
arguments within families due to more stress
broken relationships because of other’s views on the virus, masks, and vaccines

Make no mistake about it, this pandemic left its vile fingerprints on all of our lives.

It’s worth remembering that you don’t have to always be strong. You can cry when you darn well feel like crying! It’s okay to feel scared and I’m giving you permission to feel angry about the whole thing. Feel the emotions you want to feel and make no attempt to tell others how to deal with their feelings. We all cope differently and we all heal differently.

Finally, I’d love to encourage everyone to reach out and help others in any way possible. If you know someone who seems to have the weight of the world on their shoulders, either ask them what you can do to make the load lighter or (perhaps even better) step up and do something for them that helps lighten their load.

Ideas include mowing their lawn, giving them a gift card to their favorite restaurant (this way you help them and the restaurant), offering to watch their child/children while they treat themselves to a day out. Simply showing up to their house with a Starbucks drink for you and a Starbucks drink for them and sitting to talk with them for an hour may be just the tonic they (and you!) need.

Many are dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, and other emotional and mental strains right now. If you can be a blessing to someone, please don’t hesitate to do so. You may give them exactly what they needed to hang in there and keep fighting.

As a bonus, helping others makes you feel so good!

Stay strong, stay well, and stay safe. I truly care about each and every one of you. ~ Joi (“Joy”)

How to Survive Withdrawal: What You Should Know

May 22, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

by Sami A

Are you suffering from drug or alcohol addiction? Do you need help stopping your addiction habits? You’re in the right place.

Drugs and alcohol can change your brain’s chemical makeup and cause several physical changes that can be life-threatening when not addressed early. Regular use of mind-altering substances like alcohol or hard drugs can cause dependence to form.

Eventually, it becomes difficult to control the amount and frequency of substance consumption. It equally becomes a challenge to reduce or stop your drug abuse. And the lucky few who manage to kickstart the process have to deal with withdrawal.

So, how can you survive withdrawal and emerge victorious over your substance addiction?

Read on:

What is Withdrawal?

Before we delve into the substance withdrawal process, you must first understand what withdrawal is and how it affects your body’s chemical makeup.

Withdrawal is the combination of mental and physical effects that an addict experiences after they stop using or reduce the intake of a particular substance or substances. These could include recreational drugs, prescriptions, or alcohol.

According to Hollywood Hills Recovery, withdrawal (rehabilitation) not only detoxes the harmful substances out of your system but also removes the toxins from your mind. The withdrawal process can be a very traumatizing time in the addict’s life and that of his/her family.

If you’ve been using a substance with a high dependency potential, then suddenly stop taking it or cut down its use drastically, you may experience different withdrawal symptoms. The duration and intensity of withdrawal symptoms also vary widely, depending on several factors discussed in this post.

Withdrawal can be quite unpleasant and dangerous in some cases. That’s why this topic is particularly sensitive and requires assistance from a medical professional.

Drug Withdrawal Symptoms

The severity of drug withdrawal symptoms varies because of several individual factors, including:

The type of drug you’re using
How long you’ve been addicted to the substance
How much of the drug you’ve been consuming
Your general physical and mental state
How you’ve been taking the drug

Drug withdrawal symptoms also vary in two categories; physical and physiological withdrawal symptoms.

The physical drug withdrawal symptoms may include:

Nausea and vomiting
Headaches
Diarrhea
Fatigue and exhaustion
Muscle and bone pain
Excessive sweating
Shaking and shivering

The physiological drug withdrawal symptoms may include:

Anxiety
Depression
Confusion
Short-term memory loss
Irritability and agitation
Paranoia
Intense cravings for the drug

More severe addiction withdrawal symptoms may include rapid heart rate, extreme confusion, elevated body temperature, seizures, visual and/or auditory hallucinations, and uncontrollable shaking.

Identifying Withdrawal

You can recognize withdrawal symptoms when you stop taking or cut back on substance abuse. For example, missing your usual cup of coffee may result in caffeine withdrawal symptoms like headache, fatigue, and irritability.

Such withdrawal symptoms usually indicate dependence on a substance. We advise talking to a professional medic before you reduce or stop taking a drug. This is the best strategy to safely stop taking a medication or drug and minimize potentially dangerous withdrawal symptoms.

Your doctor will also know whether your symptoms are due to withdrawal of another condition.

What Causes Withdrawal?

Your brain and body are always working to maintain a balance of state (homeostasis). Taking drugs or alcohol changes this balance, forcing your system to adjust by changing the levels of some neurotransmitters.

These substances will trigger your brain’s reward system, forcing you to start craving the drug or alcohol.

Eventually, your body starts to develop a tolerance and dependence on the substance. At this stage, you will experience withdrawal symptoms if you abruptly stop taking the substance or reduce its consumption.

Withdrawal symptoms are usually the opposite of the effects of using the substance. A good example is alcohol, which is a depressant. If you stop taking it abruptly, you may start experiencing symptoms of overstimulation like restlessness or anxiety.

Treating Withdrawal

Treating withdrawal includes care, support, and medications to ease its symptoms and minimize or prevent possible complications.

With some drugs, you can stop using them abruptly and still manage their withdrawal symptoms. For example, you can quit caffeine without needing assistance to cope with the withdrawal symptoms until they pass.

However, quitting substances like alcohol or hard drugs abruptly could potentially be dangerous. In most situations, you will need medically-assisted withdrawal to ensure your safety while detoxing your system.

How to Cope with Withdrawal

Besides seeking medical support, you also need to cope with the withdrawal process to help you feel better during and after treatment.

Here’s what you should do:

Eat well
Exercise
Drink plenty of water
Get enough sleep
Use appropriate over the counter medications to relieve symptoms
Ask for help from a trusted friend or family member

Stress management activities like meditation and yoga may also help with the withdrawal process.

Don’t let fear prevent you from getting the help you need. Although drug or alcohol withdrawal can be a painful and dangerous process, it is necessary on your road to recovery. Remember, this is your second chance to bounce back from this point in your life.

Sami is the Professional Content Marketer. He writes a lot of articles in his career. His company provides various types of Digital Marketing services i.e. Search Engine Optimization (SEO), Search Engine Marketing (SEM), Social Media Optimization (SMO), Web design & development, Link Building, Outreach guest post, Content Marketing & blogger outreach.

Signs of the Times or….. Just Bad Manners?

November 8, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

I’m a student of people and their behavior. Whether it’s a rude person I encounter online or a sweet, talkative girl in the line Starbucks (with an adorable Canadian accent I could have listened to all day), people fascinate me.

I’ve noticed a few changes lately in temperament. I realize it’s ridiculous to talk in generalities, so let me preface it by saying that these observations don’t mean that EVERYONE (thanks be to God!) is falling victim to these traits.

Just enough people to make it noticeable.

Rudeness

So many people have become so rude and inconsiderate that they’re looking and acting less and less… well… human. How about celebrities, politicians, and others on social media that spout off insensitive opinions that aren’t just ridiculous, they’re downright hurtful? They come across as though they haven’t an ounce of tact or consideration whatsoever.

It’s not just celebs, politicians, or rude people on social media, of course. There are also the rude drivers, shoppers, workers… the list goes on.

Thankfully, kind people still outnumber the jerks. A while back, I mentioned on Twitter that I had the flu and bronchitis (yes… at once.. I’m an overachiever) and I heard from many people wishing me a speedy recovery. Even closer to home, my family went out of their way to make me feel better — checking on me, waiting on me, and showing their love and concern in many ways. In spite of coming close to my germs.

Among all of the “crusty” individuals in the world today, it’s always good to see that plenty of hearts haven’t been hardened.

Selfishness

Another trait that’s becoming rampant is selfishness. Fewer people will go out of their way to help another person than ever. I’ll be the first to say that everyone should try very hard to help themselves, hence the name of my blog: Self Help Daily. But sometimes that’s just not possible. It hurts to see so many people wrapped up in their own world that they can’t even see other people’s needs.

You see it in store and restaurants all the time. A child makes noise (news flash: children do such things!!!) and grown adults within earshot act like they have been personally attacked. Heaven forbid they actually smile at the child and the adults working feverishly to quiet him or her. It’d be a much better look than scowling in their direction every ten seconds.

I also see self-absorption online on a regular basis and, again, social media is making it (in my opinion) more of an epidemic than it it an inconvenience. 20 years ago, it’d would seem so STRANGE for someone to spend upwards of 30 minutes getting “just the right picture of themselves,” then taking said picture (the best of the bunch, of course) and showing it to everyone in their family, all of their friends, and everyone in town.

We’d have thought they were nuts! But today, it’s the norm. Back then, we’d have thought, “They must think they’re pretty cute to want to show themselves off,” but today it’s “normal.”

Well…. supposedly it is.

Selfies do not make individuals selfish or self-oriented, obviously. However, they are a clear indication that our society is more ME-focused than it has ever been before.

Work-a-haulics

Due to the economy, it seems that a lot of people are working themselves into a fevered pitch. They’re trying to do half a million things at once (maybe that explains the cranks). There’s nothing wrong, of course, with pushing yourself to get the most from life. The thing is, very often when you’re pushing yourself, you’re pushing others around you who…well…don’t want to be pushed. When we overestimate all that we can conceivably do, we start handing out our “to do’s” to other people. It’s as though we take our own to do list and tear it into fourths. We know we can’t do all of it, so we hand it out to others – basically creating their to do lists for them. As though they don’t have their own lists!

When we get to that point, it’s either time to barter for favors with them, or realize that we’re spreading ourselves way too thin.

I started thinking about these Human To Do lists when I read about a woman who was furious with her husband for not doing everything she’d left on his “list.” When asked why she thought he didn’t get to them, she said he’d “probably blame it on” the fact that he had two jobs.

Probably!

It may sound like a line from Little House on the Prairie, and for that I apologize, but we should all remind ourselves of the Golden Rule. We should treat others the way we’d want to be treated. No ifs. No ands. No buts. And certainly no butts.

The Only Way to Reach Our Goals…… Keep Moving!

Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives