Self Help

We are a generation of to do lists, multi-tasking, smart phones, and appointment calendars.  We’re convince that the MORE we DO, the happier we’ll be.  We think, “If we want happiness, we have to do do do and get get get…”

We proudly wave our “git ‘er done” mentality and vow to do just that.  And, of course we want our lunch to go – after all there are places to go, people to see, and plenty of ‘er to get done.

I won’t even lecture (well, not today anyway) about what this does to our health, psyche, and relationships. You get a free pass, I’ll go all mother hen on you about your well-being another day.

What we fail to realize, however, amongst all of our busyness, is that we can have an admirable “To Do” list, but if we keep doing certain negative, destructive things – we’re just shooting ourselves in our ever moving feet.

Think of these 10 self-destructive thoughts or actions as your To Don’t list.

1. Don’t put things off.  If you’ve been wanting to build a tree house… go buy your lumber today! If you’ve always wanted an herb garden Martha Stewart would be impressed with, start planning it right now. If the thought of something makes you smile, imagine how much you’ll smile when it’s out of your brain and in your reality.
2. Don’t let others determine how you feel about yourself.  Never look to other people to see your own reflection – you’ll never get the same one twice.  Taking a good, hard look at yourself is the first step in the self improvement journey.  But YOU are the one that has to take inventory.  Don’t let others build you up too high, but certainly don’t allow them to tear you down.  When someone else determines your highs and lows, don’t they pretty much have control over you?
3. Don’t allow toxic thoughts to rent space in your mind. Here’s the dangerous thing about thoughts – they don’t remain thoughts. They become actions, they become attitudes, and they become words. Actions and words CANNOT be undone. They can be apologized for, agonized for, and can serve as huge weights on your conscience – but they can never be erased. If you entertain negative thoughts about an individual and keep feeding these thoughts with MORE negativity and hatred, it will come out – make no mistake about it. Think of negative thoughts as toxic waste. NOW, how long do you want them sticking around?
4. Never “bad mouth” your loved ones to others.  I once read a woman’s quote that said something to the effect of how thankful she was that her name was always safe in her sweetheart’s mouth. I thought that was beautiful. She knew that if he ever spoke of her to his friends and/or family, it would be with kindness and love. When we speak of our loved ones, should they not be able to say the EXACT same thing? Are your loved one’s names safe in your mouth? Don’t run people down – especially those you love. Build them up… brag on them! People will make judgments about your loved ones by your own words – they’ll also judge just how much you love and pride you have for them from these same words.
5. Don’t make excuses.  If you mess up, and come on, who doesn’t – own up to it.  Don’t try to laugh it off if it isn’t funny, don’t try to re-size it (up-size or downsize), and most of all, don’t try to put the blame on someone else.  Finger pointing is a big pet peeve of mine. Don’t. Do. It. It’s ugly.
6. Don’t underestimate karma.  Seriously, never ever fail to give karma her due – you’ll be sorry.  I’ve been telling my daughters about her (and her keen memory and even keener sense of justice) as long as I’ve been telling them to say please and thank you.  Karma can be a rewarding, kind, beautiful seeker of justice, but she can also seem like a cruel, vindictive something or another. Either way, she has an impossibly long memory. You can’t outrun her, you can’t hide from her.  The only thing you can hope to do is to stay on her good side.  You know the old adage that says the mother is the “heart” of the home, and that if she’s happy, everyone’s happy – but if she’s miserable, everyone’s miserable?  Meet Karma… the heart of life’s home.  When you make a point of doing the right thing (whether anyone’s watching or not), Karma keeps score and your world will be more harmonious.  But when you dodge what’s right in favor of what’s wrong, you’re instantly on her ‘ish list.  And make no mistake about it, she’ll get to you.
7. Stop doing what you hate. If you’re working in a job that makes you miserable, find another one.  Life’s too short to spend it being miserable.
8. Stop thinking so much about money.  That’s another thing that sort of defines our generation. We never seem to think we have enough money.  Think about it this way – if we had more, we’d just spend more.  When my husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a heckuva lot of money.  When our beautiful daughters started arriving, we had even less.  More love, more happiness, more laughter – but most definitely less money.  Today, we’ve been blessed to have enough money, but guess what?  We still spend it.  We simply pay a little more for what we wear, where we live, what we eat, and what we drive.  We were as warm, as comfortable, as full, and as mobile then as we are now.  I’ll let you in on a little secret too, we were just as happy then as we are now.  We’re the same people now as we were then.  We laugh out loud at Andy Griffith reruns, get far too wrapped up in UK Basketball and St. Louis Cardinals baseball, spoil our daughters and cats, and so on.  Money buys stuff but it doesn’t buy happiness, it doesn’t buy relationships, and it doesn’t buy memories.  If you’re sacrificing any of the three in its pursuit, you’ll be more than sorry in the end – you’ll be devastated.
9. Don’t nitpick other people!  Sorry for the exclamation mark – I just felt compelled to yell this one out loud.  How this guy wears his hair, how that woman dresses, what this person eats, how that person talks – none of your concern.  Not your problem. In the new testament, at the point where Jesus has risen and is addressing his apostles, one of them sees fit to ask Him about another apostle.  Jesus’ response was, “What is that to you?” A very loving and long-suffering way of saying, “Now remind me how that’s any of your business sir….”  We get SO off track by looking at what others are or are not doing.  They are responsible for their own lives – how they dress, where they work, how they live… Unless it is directly… directly, now… affecting you or one of your loved ones, let it go. Why bother finding MORE things to worry about or be unsettled by? Wouldn’t life be better if one looked for things to be happy about? Also, keep this in mind – if you overly criticize people, they will eventually stop trying to please you. They’ll figure, “I can’t do anything right with this so and so… so…. I quit even trying.”  If you kill someone’s creativity and confidence, how does that benefit you OR them?
10. Finally, stop doing what isn’t working. If you’ve been working toward a particular goal and don’t seem to be gaining on it whatsoever, it’s time for Plan B because Plan A is belly up.  You can either keep wasting time and hope it suddenly flips over and miraculously starts working, or you can abandon what doesn’t work and find something that does.

BONUS: This one is my absolute favorite one… so I set her aside from the rest. A chosen, favored one to be sure.  Once years ago, I read a quote that – if there were such a thing – would be my ‘Spirit Animal Quote.’  It said, “All I’m after is a world filled with laughter.”  I’m all about laughter and had MUCH rather be accused of finding too many things funny than of finding too few things funny.

Yes, I’m one of those who laugh out loud at commercials with talking animals, and can be found doubled over with tears in her eyes while watching funny cat videos online.

I love to laugh and the sound of other people laughing is music to my ears.  Never fail to look for the humor in situations.

Here’s an example that happened to my family recently.  I was sitting beside my daughter Brittany in a “surgery waiting room.” She was waiting to be taken back for kidney stone surgery.  She was in quite a bit of pain and was almost as worried and anxious as me. Almost. There, surrounded by about 10 other people who were awaiting surgeries, we found ourselves in a totally somber setting.

Then she pointed out something to me and we both had to laugh – a “biker” came strolling through, slowly, and took a seat. On the back of his leather jacket were the words GRIM REAPER.  Brittany said, “Oh, great. What’s he doing here?”  I told her, “I thought he’d be taller.”

I don’t know, there was just something about the moment that made us laugh. She even reached for her camera phone to take a picture but the Grim Reaper sat down and his chair hid his identity.

We both decided that, yet again, we had proof of one thing – God has a terrific sense of  humor.

Just because we aren’t kids anymore doesn’t mean we have to stop looking for the fun in life. It’s there. You’ll find it if you look. Try to find the humor in as many situations as possible.

Laughing beats grumbling any day.

Sometimes we have to STOP doing things in order to START doing things.  The negatives just weigh the positives down, so ditch them on the now.

Now, I’m off to plan my epic herb garden,
~ Joi