Self Help Daily

Inspirational and Self Help Blog with a Save the World Complex...

You are here: Home / Archives for motivational writing

motivational writing

Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives

by 5 Comments

Quote About Being Yourself

I’m about halfway through a wonderful book, How to Think Like a Millionaire (I hope to have the review up soon!).  It’s one of those books where you find yourself, not only taking notes, but closing the book every now and again just to let everything soak in.  After this morning’s reading, I was basically a sponge.

I just finished a section on Positive Feedback vs Negative Feedback and the impact they have upon our subconscious mind and the absolute power our subconscious mind has over our lives.  Everything rises and falls according to the strength of our subconscious mind, so keeping positive and life-affirming thoughts therein could make ALL the difference.

The Live-Changing Power of Positive Feedback

When I got up from reading to make my husband breakfast, I was still thinking about what I had read.  I realized how, in my own life, positive feedback had a huge impact on me.  My mom and dad were forever telling me what a “good” child I was, how they never had to worry about me getting into trouble, and so on.  That early reinforcement, I’m sure, had a great deal to do with the fact that I never DID get into any trouble.  When I was in my 30’s, a few months before I lost my father – my dad told one of his nurses that the only trouble I ever gave him or my mom was one solitary speeding ticket.

I told him at the time that it was because I was perfect – but I’m absolutely sure that’s not completely honest!

I believe that the same scenario plays out for kids who are constantly told that they’re “bad,” “difficult,” or “spoiled.”  They live down to those words the way the lucky kids live up to the ones they hear.

As I kept thinking, I realized another area where positive feedback affected me greatly.  I believe that one of the reasons I ever fancied myself a writer had to do with things my aunt told me years and years ago.  Penny (my mom’s sister and an aunt I’ve always been VERY close to) and her husband (Bobby – LOVE him too!) had to move to another state when I was really young.  It was really hard on all of us, but Bobby had an amazing offer in Ohio that he would have been a fool to say no to.  He’s the master of corny jokes, but a fool he’s not.

When they left, I missed them terribly, so we started writing a lot of letters to one another – oh, to have had e-mail and social media back then!  When they came home for Christmas, she went on and on about how much my letters meant to her and Bobby.  She said she always looked forward to them and saved each one.  When she said they “made her smile” because they were like visiting with me, I began to associate true, beautiful power with words.

Many years later, when I got married and we had to move to Kansas, I had a lot more letters to write.  I still wrote to Penny, but I also wrote to my parents and my grandmother.  Each one of them always told me how much they loved reading my letters, how they kept them and often re-read them.  My grandmother even told me how she read them to her friends, and that they enjoyed my “way with words.”

Positive Feedback, friends.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that all of my loved ones were right and I’ve had a fascination with words and writing since.

When I handed my smiling husband his breakfast, I thought of yet another area of positive feedback touching my life. Early in my marriage, I fell head over heels in love with cooking.  I started collecting cookbooks and even began coming up with my own recipes.  He’d often have his single friends over to our house for supper.  I often overheard him talking about my “wonderful” cooking and it made me believe I was the greatest cook in the world.  The fact that he and our daughters are always so complimentary about my meals, desserts, bread, etc. only makes me love cooking more and more.

I am very, very blessed that the people I love most in this world have always made me feel like I could do anything. It makes me very sad to think there are others out there who don’t have this positive feedback in their life.

A Lack of Positive Feedback

I wonder if one of the main reasons people become discouraged and give up is because they don’t get enough positive feedback. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the couple who has been together for several years. She begins to feel he doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the words. The positive feedback, early in the relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong.

The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often give up because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever good enough.

The Pitfalls of Negative Feedback

The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the comments say they are. Many even tune the negativity out to a certain degree, after all, who wants to constantly hear how worthless, stupid, wrong, irresponsible, or bad they are?!?! But it goes much deeper than them tuning it out. They begin to believe it. When someone believes the worst about themselves, they stop even trying.

However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. After they’ve gotten enough positive feedback, they begin to give themselves MORE of the same feedback, then… look out!

The Most Important Feedback of All

As important as the feedback we get from others is, it’s not the most vital feedback. That feedback is the one we feed ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, usually inside our own minds, determine how successful we will or will not be. We are, basically, what we think we are.

The words below are just some of the words we use to cripple ourselves:

  • I’m too old
  • I’m too fat
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I never catch any breaks
  • I don’t have enough money
  • Nobody loves me
  • I’m lonely
  • I can’t do anything
  • I’m so depressed
  • I am so sick and tired of…
  • My live sucks!

When we feed ourselves words like this, we’re feeding ourselves a type of poison. Anyone who feeds these words to another person (especially someone they supposedly love) should be even more ashamed.

Start thinking more about the feedback you give to others and to yourself.  The words you say to and about the people around you makes them better or makes them worse.  If you beat them down, that’s where they’ll stay.  If you build them up, that’s the direction in which they’ll grow.

Now let’s change the pronouns a little:  If you beat yourself down, that’s where you’ll stay.  If you build yourself up, that’s the direction in which you’ll grow.  How far can you and I grow?  As far as we want to!

How to Think Like a Millionaire

The book below, How to Think Like a Millionaire is a must-read as far as I’m concerned. It’s all about altering your mindset – the millionaire part has absolutely nothing to do with it. What matters is believing that you deserved the best from life… because you absolutely do.


Thursday Throwback to 1923: How to Get What You Want in Life (Part 2)

by 11 Comments

Continued from How to Get What You Want in Life Part 1

HOW TO MAKE YOUR DESIRES MATERIALIZE by Elsie Lincoln Benedict, 1923

A friend in Denver once told me she “wanted a new spring suit more than anything.”  We were walking down Sixteenth Street a few days later and there in a front window she saw the VERY suit she was looking for – for $35.  In the olden days$35 actually bought a suit good enough for anybody, you remember?

“How lovely,” I exclaimed, “and to think you have the $35 right in your purse.  Let’s go right in and get it before somebody else does!”

Would she?  No.  She had said she wanted that suit more than anything else in the world.  But she didn’t even want it as much as she wanted the $35.

She WISHED she had a new suit like this one, but what she really WANTED was the money.

“But what about the person who hasn’t the $35?” I hear you ask.  And the answer is you will find is the utter truth.  It is this:  You can GET it, honestly, legitimately, quickly, and surely, provided YOU WANT IT.

…Decide to restrict yourself because you “can’t get the money for things you want” and the money you do get will come that much harder.

But make up your mind to MAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU NEED for the things you want – and from the hour of reaching that decision you will make five dollars easier than you now make one.

The richer you become the easier it is to make money.  The less you have the more difficult it is to get more.

…. All successful men and women who are frank will admit that many good things followed in the wake of that first big effort, and followed almost without further effort.

“Nothing succeeds like success” is an old and true saying.  Another not so old but equally true is that nothing fails like failure.

The world always helps you along whichever way you are going.  If you are headed uphill it will help pull you up.  If you are headed downhill it will give you a push.  We should not complain of this, but awaken to the fact that it IS a law, and instead of fighting it put it to work for us.

If you want to go uphill you must manifest this to the people around you.  They are all driving along Lif’e’s Highway too, and they see you, think of you, and get an impression of you.

If you want to go down all you have to do is to let it be known and you will have plenty of kicks and company.

The world gets one of its deepest impressions of you FROM THE DIRECTION IN WHICH YOUR CAR IS MOVING.  Everything about you tells what that is.  Even children and those who catch a glimpse of you for only a moment sense this and act toward you accordingly.

You never deceive them very much of very long in any way. Bluffing and pretending do not deceive anyone.  These only make you resemble a man who tells you he is traveling north when at every corner possible he turns south.

All of life is a journey along the great Highway.  We are always coming to crossroads.  We always make our own choice.  We turn or go straight ahead – as WE CHOOSE.

We come to scores of these corners every day and the world notes the turns we make.  It will give you plenty of time to get to your destination in the North, and many a lift besides, provided at the crossroads you keep heading in that direction.

Another strange thing about it is that the higher up you get the MORE help the world gives you, and the lower down the harder it gets.

You can see it for yourself.  If you haven’t a cent and ask the world for a quarter to keep you from starving, it will not give it to you very quickly or very graciously.  It says it “cant’ encourage that kind of thing.” It is afraid you “might not deserve it.”

But if you are a millionaire, with more money than you know what to do with, people will gladly loan you millions…

To the big dinners the hungry are not invited.  The guests are those already overfed.

“This is all true,” you say, “but how is one to get started in the right direction?  Especially when, as you say, the whole world is busy helping us downgrade already?”

The answer is: Change the CAUSE and you also change the EFFECT.

Your present condition…  is the natural and inevitable outgrowth of the attitudes and feelings HARBORED in your subconscious mind.

Most people secretly cherish the delusion that this is not a law-ruled universe, and that somehow they will be able to get something for nothing.

Look again at the word “harbored,” for it reveals the crux of your situation.

All kinds of things come into your consciousness.  You can’t help seeing and hearing and even sometimes thinking these destructive things.

But you CAN refuse to HARBOR them.

The things that get down into your subconscious mind come out in your life.

But remember, nothing can get into your subconscious mind save as you dwell upon it and encourage it.

“But how can I start forward NOW, from this very spot?,” you ask.

To begin to go uphill in life instead of down…. it is only necessary that you TURN AROUND.  Other things will come later, but for today this will be enough…

To get anything you want, gently open your mind to the idea that you CAN get it, somewhere, somehow.  Do not dwell upon the things which just now seem to stand in the way of your getting it.

It is a law that two things cannot occupy the same place at the same time.  So, turning your attention toward the good thought drives the bad one out.  Soon this becomes a habit, and then out of your subconscious will comes the ideas of HOW to get what you want.

Thursday Throwback to 1923: How to Get What You Want in Life

by 12 Comments

Today’s Thursday Throwback is from a real powerhouse of motivation:  Elsie Lincoln Benedict.  This is an excerpt from a lesson-lecture that she delivered to students in various cities of the United States long, long, long ago.  Don’t let the multiple longs fool you, though.  The advice, the motivation, the inspiration, and the grit will leave an impression on you.  I plan to publish more of this amazing lady’s teachings on Self Help Daily because she moves me.  She simply moves me.

I will type in Elsie Lincoln’s Benedict’s words as they appear in the texts I have.When I skip around a little (because some illustrations simply aren’t built for time traveling), you’ll see a family of dots….. just call them The Dots and follow them to the next room.  Once or twice you’ll notice something in parenthesis – this is where I pitch in my two cents for clarification.  Having read the entire series of lectures, some things may be clearer to me – and I thought I’d wipe the window, so that you can see more clearly as well.

When the writing/teaching begins, Elise Lincoln Benedict is addressing the subject of “Making Your Desires Materialize.”

Enjoy! ~ Joi

HOW TO MAKE YOUR DESIRES MATERIALIZE by Elsie Lincoln Benedict, 1923

The distance we cover (in the pursuit of our desires) depends on the number of hurdles we are able to take and the speed with which we cover the distance between.

We may run along for quite a while on smooth ground, thinking “Everything’s going to be smooth from here on,” but pretty soon looming up ahead we descry an obstacle.  It may be a low one which we scarcely notice.  Or it may be a high one.  If we refuse to scale it, thinking it looks impossible, or if we are tired of running, we can stop right there and our progress ends….

But if we draw upon our courage we will always find that this hurdle, high and forbidding though it appears, is nothing compared to the first ones (previous obstacles, trials and tribulations). Because we have developed strength from jumping those before – a strength we are not aware of till we put it to the test, but which never fails us if we take a good jump and try for it….

There come times in every human life when the game doesn’t seem worth the candle. But it is.  When the price looks bigger than the prize.  But it never is.

The price is always less, when you come right down to paying it, than it looks to be – just as a piece of work looks impossible as long as you postpone it but is suddenly easy when you begin.

Life always lets you make your own decisions and she takes you at your word.  Your words always express themselves in your secret attitudes.

To try to fool others is bad enough, but to fool yourself is fatal.  You never can really fool your subconsciousness. It knows whether you really want a thing or not, and whether you are in earnest.

If you are not it lets you alone.  But if you are it will find a way. It will help you get what you really want MOST.

You may not believe it at first glance, but many poverty-stricken, sick, shiftless failures already have what they want most in life.

They won’t admit it to you, but in their inmost souls they know it is true.

They don’t really want riches, health, and success MOST.  They only WISH they wanted these things most.

What they really want most of all is doing what they please with their time, taking things easy, sleeping late, overeating, being free of responsibilities – and they are getting every one of them!

They delude themselves with the notion that they are getting them for nothing – that success, health and happiness would cost more.  But the fact is that they are paying the highest price for the worst articles when the very best could be had at a bargain.

If you have ever seen a man trying to get out of work, you know that he worked twice as hard at it as those who pitched in and did something….

Your great subconscious will get for you the things you want MOST in life.  It will do so more completely and more quickly than you can believe.  It will do so with unerring accuracy and unfaltering, unswerving perfection.

If you want happiness, success, fame, it will show you how to get them.  They must be paid for, but the price is not as high as you think, not even as great as that we pay for failure.

I often think of the world as a colossal department store.  In it are all the things we want, displayed on the counters within reach of all, and to be had the moment we pay for them.

If we really want the things we SAY we want, we will do what we always do to get the things we want in the store – walk up and pay for them and TAKE them.

You see something you say you want.  But if you are not willing to pay for it, Life knows you only wish for it.

– – – – – – – – – –

I’ll continue the lecture next Thursday.  Trust me, it only gets better!