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Self Help Daily

Inspirational and Self Help Blog with a Save the World Complex...

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Changes Coming to Self Help Daily in 2019!

January 29, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

Never Too Late Quote Graphic

First of all, I want to apologize for my lack of articles, posts, book reviews, and quotes on the Self Help blog the past year. Contrary to how it may look, I didn’t fall off the face of the earth.

I wasn’t abducted by aliens… but what a cool story that would be.

I didn’t join Bigfoot in a cross-country trek… cooler story.

I didn’t forget how to type, blog, or turn the computer on.

I DID, however, become a grandmother for the first time and, quiet frankly… if I can be honest for a moment… that’s all I could think about, celebrate, or concentrate on for months on end!

I am blessed – uncommonly blessed – in that I get to spend so much time with this little angel. While his mom and dad work every day, he and I play! We watch Sesame Street (he loves Elmo while I’m partial to Gabby), the Disney Channel… we read, we go for long strolls… play with everything from pots and pans to the countless toys we’ve all bombarded him with.

I’m guessing you’ve figured out the lack of updates by now, haven’t you?

There is a huge – really, really huge – learning scale when it comes to budgeting your time. What’s that phrase about an old dog and new tricks?? Well, a blogger who is, shall we say, over 49, can have a hard time finding time for everything she needs time for. Especially when all she really wants to do is sit in the middle of the kitchen floor with a cute little guy and bang on pots and pans.  Do NOT get me wrong, I wouldn’t change time with Maddox (the perfect baby’s name) for anything. Talk about a tremendous blessing from Heaven! Most grandparents have to long for more time with their grandkids – I see mine as much as I do my own husband and almost as much as I do my cats!

BLESSING.

I have finally figured out the time scheduling and he is getting to where he is able to entertain himself while I do a few things at the computer. Naturally, there still have to be frequent breaks for hugs, Mickey Mouse, lunch, Starbucks trips (he loves smoothies!), and… of course, Elmo.

I actually have several new things planned for Self Help Daily. The changes may – or may not – we’ll see how it goes! – even involve a new design.

Self Help Daily Additions and Changes in 2019

  • I have added a new category: Dream Analysis. You can click the link to read more about what you can expect with this content.
  • I also added two other fascinating new categories, Aromatherapy and Essential Oils.
  • I am going to dust off the Self Help Daily Twitter page and actually update it and make it work! I spend the majority of my Twitter time on my personal account (@JoiTaniaSigers). It takes a great deal of time and effort to “grow” a Twitter account and I lost patience with the Self Help Daily page long ago. In fact, my last Tweet on that particular account was back in August! I’m going to make it a priority to get it off and running and plan to devote the time and energy needed to make it happen.
  • Book Reviews: I get MANY offers for book reviews on my blogs and I love it. I am an avid reader and book collector, so this is one of my favorite parts of doing what I do. I stopped accepting books to review on Self Help Daily this past year because I was overrun (and, come on, busy doing other things!).  I am going to begin accepting books to review again, but I’ve narrowed the subjects I will accept or review. You’ll be seeing reviews of books covering the Spiritual and Christian genre, Inspirational books, books about aromatherapy, essential oils, healthy eating, mental fitness, brain health, and happiness. Basically, I’ve decided that if I am going to spend time reading and reviewing books, they darn sure need to be books I’m interested in and that I will enjoy!
  • The Quote of the Day I once did on Self Help Daily will now appear, daily, on the Self Help Daily Twitter page. I will occasionally put quotes and quote graphics on the blog but they will be on the Twitter page daily.
  • I have become almost as fascinated with the mind/body/food connection as I am by animals…. almost. So you’ll begin seeing a lot more content about how food can help us feel better, live longer, and even protect our minds. What doesn’t sound exciting about that?!

Thank you for reading my words – you absolutely humble me by being here. If you are on Twitter, please follow Self Help Daily. I’ll gladly follow you right back!

 

Filed Under: General, Self Help, Self Help Daily Tagged With: self help blog

How to Relax MORE and Stress LESS

February 14, 2017 by Joi 5 Comments

Alexa Chilling

Alexa Relaxes On a Whole Other Level

Relaxation is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Problem is, it can be fleeting. It seems that just when we’re basking in its comforting warmth,  life throws us a curve ball and relaxation is the furthest thing from our minds.  In baseball, the curve ball is one that often catches the batter off guard and he/she usually can’t do a thing with it.

Stressful events are a lot like that – they catch us off guard and we usually don’t know quite what to do with it. Often, like an over-matched batter, we stand there kind of wondering, “What just happened?”

It’s while we’re “standing there” that we have a decision to make. We can adjust and adapt (before the next pitch) or we can be completely overcome and, in effect, take our slow and humbling walk back to the dugout.

If we make a habit of adjusting and adapting, we’ll find ourselves “handling stress” as opposed to being at its mercy.

Like poison ivy, if stress jumps on us, its nastiness just seems to spread.

If we don’t handle stress, it will handle us.

Adjust and Adapt

As I’ve mentioned on the self help blog before, a few years ago, my oldest daughter (Emily) and I had to stop eating gluten and wheat for health reasons. Do you have any idea how many foods contain gluten or wheat? I lost track of the times Emily and I said, “It’s everywhere!”

CURVE BALL.

To have your life greatly changed by something like this is stressful. Over the years, I’ve read many accounts of people in our boat who cried for days and even became borderline depressed.  We didn’t see the need or appeal for either of these reactions – they kind of struck us as extreme.

What we did see the need for was to adjust and adapt.

Back to baseball for a minute (I’m a baseball fanatic, so you can always just assume I’ll be going back at some point) – the best batters are the ones who step up to the plate and are able to adjust and adapt to the game and to the situation.

  • The umpire behind the plate is consistently calling outside pitches strikes – a great batter stops letting them go by.
  • The tying run is at first or second base, a great batter tries to hit behind the runner and move him along.
  • The pitcher has a nasty fast ball and you can tell by the gleam in his eye that he’s about to unleash it – a great batter holds on tight and swings so hard he comes out of his or her shoes!

Adjust to the situation and adapt to the game as it is – not as you wish it was, not as you know it should be. A batter can KNOW the pitches being called strikes in the game are balls but knowing is not going to help him in the least. Arguing with the man behind the plate isn’t exactly going to win him to your side and I’ve yet to see one take the advice of an angry player or manager.

It’s the same with life. We can KNOW that it isn’t fair for a certain situation to crop up, but what are we going to do? Stand there and argue with life… or, worse yet, God? Whether people realize it or not, when they cry for days, have angry outbursts, or get borderline depressed, that’s exactly what they’re doing – they’re trying to argue with life and “win the calls.”

Having to entirely change the way I eat and cook turned my world upside down. For one thing, I am an avid cook, and have been since I was 19. It is a huge part of my identity.

I cook. I bake. I am.

I had always been especially known for my buttermilk biscuits, cakes and pies, homemade sourdough bread, spinach manicotti, and fried cornbread. Let’s be honest, sometimes life seems cruel with its irony.

Not only is cooking a HUGE part of my life, I have a food blog! Suddenly it became a much-altered food blog – just as I became a much-altered cook.

UGLY CURVE BALL.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also do restaurant reviews on Genuine Kentucky. These restaurant reviews are one of the funnest parts of my online web publishing. Going to new restaurants (or old favorites) and trying different food to photograph and write about always made me feel like a kid on Christmas morning! Suddenly I had to accept the fact that the number of restaurants I could now visit was greatly limited as was the food I could enjoy.

I’m still kind of surprised that I didn’t cry for days. Fortunately, I learned long ago that tears don’t help a single thing – they just make your cheeks wet and your eyes red. What does help is… you guessed it…  adjusting and adapting.

Long story short – I still love doing restaurant reviews (even though they’ve been limited for obvious reasons) and I love cooking even more than I did before. I guess the part of me that loves a challenge stepped up to the plate and begged for the fast ball.

Sometimes I’m silly like that.

Stress isn’t just bad for our emotional health, it’s horrible for our physical health. What’s more, it’s a nightmare for our relationships. I could go on for three days about how stress ruins your life, but I think you are already well aware of this, so let’s just move on to what we can do about it.

Relaxation 101: Take a Personal Inventory

To find out if stress has the upper hand in your world, ask yourself the following question:

Do little things seem to set me off?

Things like unfortunate stop lights, people who pull out in front of you, a barking dog, a crying baby, a restaurant messing up your order, your son’s girlfriend’s piercings, your son’s piercings, and so on are simply NOT worth the energy most people spend on them.

I’m sure you’ve seen people in restaurants pitching embarrassing tantrums because their order isn’t right. Not worth it.

When an individual falls off the handle and comes completely unglued, his/her central nervous system assumes something horribly traumatic has happened in life and reacts accordingly.  If they make a habit of this throughout the week, they’re grossly mistreating their bodies.

It is just so not worth it!

A Few Relaxation Tips and Suggestions:

  1. It may sound ridiculous, but just realizing that you need to relax will help you more than anything. If you keep pinning blame on everyone else and, like an argumentative baseball player, are only interested in “being right,” you have a long road ahead of you.  But if you can honestly say, “I need to relax more.” – You’re on your way. The thing is, you need to remind yourself to relax every single day. Some days, it may take a couple dozen reminders. Your health and your happiness depend upon you finding a way to adapt to the situation and adjust your reactions. Angry because the line at the grocery store is taking too long, ask yourself, “What’s my hurry? Where do I have to be?” You’ll probably discover you aren’t under any time restraints.  Adjust to the situation, grab your iPhone and check your messages, Twitter, e-mail, or Pinterest. Or grab a magazine and read a little – if you grab the right one you might see what a Bigfoot Alien baby looks like. That’s always entertaining.
  2. Put something that makes you smile in a prominent place – a sticker, stuffed animal, picture of a loved one, etc. Each time you look at it, let it serve as a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment. I have a little stuffed bison on my desk that makes me smile whenever I look at him.  A while back we had a problem with hackers on several of our sites and I got to the point I seldom took my eyes off of him. I’m just thankful he didn’t get a restraining order.
  3. Stop DEMANDING so much from life and just ENJOY it. It doesn’t take everything in the world to be happy – it just takes being happy and content with your own little world and what and who is in it. A lot of people get so caught up in trying to be life’s director that they forget that they, like the rest of us, are simply part of the cast. Why anyone would want to take on the responsibility of telling restaurants, stores, electric companies, Twitter followers, and everyone in between how to live their life (to better suit THEM) is beyond me. Live your life like the beautiful gift that it is. Don’t find yourself one day at 99 years old wondering why you spend so much time complaining about the little things. Be the 99 year old that’s still smiling because life is and always has been such a hoot!
  4. Take about a dozen really deep breaths when you’re feeling stressed. I’m not sure why this helps to signal relaxation to our bodies, but it does. Unfortunately, most of us take rapid, shallow breaths. This type of breathing makes the rest of the body think we’re in some sort of battle. Slowing our breathing down signals to it that all’s well.  A funny thing about breathing, sometimes we’re actually holding our breath and don’t realize it.  Become more aware of your breathing, and take it to new depths.
  5. If you’re going through a stressful time, or if you feel overwhelmed at work, drink more water. This is something else we don’t do enough of. Our bodies actually require more water than we usually drink, and when we shortchange it, we suffer: Physically, emotionally, and mentally. Nutritionists say that we need more water, especially when stressed. It actually helps, so it’s a very easy and painful proactive thing we can do.
  6. Make sure you’re getting enough rest.  Not just sleep (although it’s glorious and healing) – but also good old-fashioned “down time.” Whether your idea of unwinding is watching tv, reading, or cruising the internet, have at it. Be sure to allow yourself plenty of time to unwind and simply enjoy living in the moment each day.
  7. Keep things in perspective. We blow so many things up that should be allowed to stay the tiny, insignificant little things they are. Sometimes it helps if you put yourself in someone else’s shoes. When the server doesn’t refill your drink as often as you want her/him to – imagine working on your feet 8 hours every day, earning very little pay, and (most frightening of all) having to deal with the public all day. YIKES! Maybe it’ll make you smile and politely ask for another drink rather than stew and mentally deduct from the tip. Don’t be that person.
  8. Play soothing music.  If you have relaxation cds, play them to relax and wind down. If you don’t have any relaxing music in your collection, don’t fret – YouTube has plenty in their’s.  Simply go to YouTube and search for Relaxing Music (or relaxing piano music, classical music, relaxation…).  You’ll literally feel the stress leave your body. One of my favorites is “Japanese Garden Music” – I even listen to it when I’m already as relaxed as a chubby cat (see pic above).
  9. Hang out with your pets. Our precious cats are more than just family, they’re built in relaxation magic.  Simply petting a purring cat or a tail-wagging dog brings your whole body and mind to a calmer, happier, and more relaxed state. If you don’t have a pet, consider heading to your local Humane Society today and adopting one or two! They aren’t just excellent company… they’re family.
  10. Read a good book. Read the Bible, Emily Dickinson poetry, a historical novel, a biography, a National Geographic magazine, or even the comics in your newspaper – whatever floats your boat.  When you slow down long enough to engage your mind in reading, your breathing slows down, your pulse slows down… in essence, your whole world slows down.

For your own health and happiness, as well as those around you – start practicing relaxation tactics immediately. Become an expert at catching yourself as soon as tension begins to build. Tell yourself, out loud, “This isn’t a big deal.” When we focus on situations, we make them so big that they become like huge ogres in the car or room with us. But if we simply say, “Not worth it,” they suddenly shrink.

Adapt. Adjust. Then enjoy life for the beautiful gift it is.

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Self Help, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: how to handle stress, relax more, relaxation, relaxation techniques, self help blog, self help website, stress, stress tips, tips for relaxing

How You Treat Others is a Reflection…

January 13, 2015 by Joi 7 Comments

Quote About Treating Others with Kindness

When you think of a “hateful” person, what do you think of? Someone with a biting sarcasm and so much nastiness about them that they’re pretty much a human repellent? I’ve known a few people like that – so mean-spirited it’s a wonder they could stand themselves.

Then again, maybe they couldn’t and that’s why they’re so mean.

I’m actually not thinking about the word “hateful” in regards to how a person acts, though.  I’m not thinking of it as an action verb as much as a state of being verb. I’m actually thinking about the following definition of the word:

Hateful – full of or expressing hate; malignant

Sadly, there are a lot of people who are full of hate and this makes them, just as the definition says, malignant.

Malignant:

  1. disposed to cause harm, suffering, or distress deliberately
  2. very dangerous or harmful in influence or effect.

Ugly stuff, right? It’s especially ugly when you think of a truth we’ve all heard for years: How we treat others says more about US than it does THEM.

Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. – T.H. Thompson

I can’t imagine that anyone would wake up in the morning and tell their cat, “I’d sure like to be malignant today! Yep, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to spread destruction, suffering, and hatred. If I get cracking, maybe I can contaminate a good 10 people or more before lunch.”

Nah. Maybe I’m naive, but I doubt there are any human Grinches walking around. More likely than not, having a sour disposition has crept up on them and they don’t even realize it. They’ve become a negative, cynical, pessimistic, and hateful person without even realizing it.

That’s how all bad habits take root in our lives. Over time, they slowly soak into us until they become one with us. If left to their own devices, they come to define us. Think for a minute about the people you know – most of them, when you think of their name, conjure up an attribute or characteristic. Personally, I can’t think of anything worse than to be considered “hateful.”

The problem with being filled with hate (anger, resentment, bitterness – or any of its other cousins) is two-fold:

  1. hate makes its host miserable
  2. the host then takes it out on everyone else

Personally, I think some people treat others badly – not so much because of who the other person is – but because of the hateful seed deep within themselves.

By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach. – Winston Churchill

Here’s an example, without going into specifics:

Recently one of my favorite athletes shared a family Christmas photo. The shot included himself, his girlfriend, his mom, and his grandmother! Precious, right? Most of us who commented on the picture wished him and his family a wonderful Christmas. One person (it may or may not have been me) commented on how downright adorable his grandmother was.

But there were others who, disgustingly, left cruel comments about him and his family. Some hate-filled jackasses simply said, “Shut up.”

Seriously. There are people like this in the world.  When I saw these comments…. left on an individual’s family Christmas photo, mind you!.. I grew angrier by the minute. I ran away from Twitter and practically threw my iPad down. I’m not sure I could have been any angrier if this young man had been my own son!

As I sat there wondering what was wrong with humanity and how such vile humans could even exist, the anger slowly turned to sadness.

Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns. – Author Unknown

Let’s face it, for anyone to leave UGLY, HATE-LACED comments (which is literally speaking to someone) like this, they have to be filled with hate and ugliness, themselves.

When I pour myself a glass of sweet tea out of my favorite glass pitcher, sweet tea goes into my glass. Sweet tea is in the container. Sweet tea comes out.

Those of us (Thanks be to God we outnumbered the Nasty Nellies!) who wished this athlete’s family a wonderful Christmas and echoed his happiness with our own words were filled with happiness, kindness, and love for others.

Sweet tea’s in the container. Sweet tea’s in the glass.

The others were obviously filled with unhappiness, bitterness, ugliness… not just the cousins of hate – I think they were hosts for hate’s entire family.

And an ugly sight they make.

The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. – Author Unknown

I was thinking earlier about some of my favorite people. I’ve always been particularly fond of people who are agreeable, funny, and kind-hearted. People who are so busy living their own lives and trying to perfect the person in the mirror that they haven’t time time to criticize and demean people around them.

They’re happy with their life. They’re happy with themselves. They don’t want to knock anyone down or spread toxicity because they’re too busy enjoying life.

Show me that sort of individual and I’ll walk to the ends of the world with them. I’m lucky to have a great number of people around me who fit that bill.

The next time you catch yourself even thinking something mean or hateful about another person, catch yourself and MAKE yourself think something positive about them instead. After a while you will have developed a newer, better habit and no one will benefit from it any more than you will.

What if any one of the individuals who lashed out with ugliness and toxicity had stopped themselves and typed in: “Beautiful family! Y’all have a wonderful Christmas!” instead.

What would have happened? Well, think back to the Christmas classic “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.”  Remember when his little bitty heart grew larger?

Yeah. Something like that.

Very often the way we treat others is the way we look at the world. It’s a reflection of how we feel about life, in general – especially as it relates to us.  Someone who is never content or happy with life – the one who thinks nothing is ever good enough – is often the one who treats others the worst.  Their discontentment with life makes them discontent with just about everyone in it.

Like most things in life, the choice is ours. We can improve the way we treat others by improving our outlook on life or we can become so toxic and negative that small children run from us.

Not much of a choice is there?

Here are a few Calls to Action (because nothing is ever of any  use until it’s put to use!):

  • Start being kinder than you have to be.  When you feel the temptation to say something negative to someone (whether it’s about their job, their weight, how they wear their hair..), say something nice instead. Not only will they feel wonderful (and possibly even surprised), something unexpected will happen – you’ll feel even better than you make them feel!
  • Do something unexpected and kind for someone. It doesn’t take much (time or money) to make someone smile.  If I haven’t said it recently (which I know I have), I’ll say it now – I’m the luckiest person in the world when it comes to family.  This colorful cast of characters that fill my life are wonderful about doing extra little “somethings” for one another. Whether it’s me grabbing a great looking color of nail polish for my girls simply because, my youngest daughter leaving unexpected gluten free treats on the kitchen counter for me, one of my other daughters (or sons-in-law) bringing me a favorite drink from Starbucks, or my husband ordering me something awesome off of Amazon just to make me smile – we are all always thinking about ways to bring smiles to one another’s faces.  What a wonderful world it’d be if everyone had the same mindset – about family, friends, neighbors, and complete strangers.
  • Remind yourself each day to be the kindest person you know!  New concepts, habits, and mindsets can quickly be tossed aside. After all, that’s why we have to make NEW New Year’s Resolutions each year.  If you’re striving to be a kinder person – to life, to yourself, and… by reflection.. to others – remind yourself each day that life is a wonderful gift! To behave differently is a slap in the face to God, himself. Stop dwelling on negatives and dwell, instead, on positives. Doing so will affect the way you feel inside and the way you make others feel outside. The way you make other people feel is a reflection on you more than it is on them.
  • Be careful what you THINK and how you TALK about others behind their back.  These thoughts and “private” words will come to the surface and do more damage than you have right to do.

If you improve just one thing this year, improve the way you treat others. You may be thinking, “That’s fine and good for them… but what’s in it for me?!”  Well, everything! If you treat others with kindness, you will be the biggest benefactor of all. Should that be your number one goal? Of course not, but it’s the truth.

Spread kindness. Spread happiness. There’s enough toxicity and negativity out there and the world doesn’t need any more of it.

~ Joi

See More Quotes About Kindness.

Quote About the Way You Treat Others

Filed Under: Positive Thought, Relationships Tagged With: being happy, being positive, happiness, hate, hatefulness, Self Help, self help blog

Protecting Children from Other Children

May 7, 2009 by Joi 4 Comments

Blowing Bubbles

I was recently horrified by something I saw on television. It made my hands clammy, my stomach sick, and broke my heart into a billion pieces. I couldn’t sleep that night because my mind wouldn’t let go of the heart-breaking tragedy and senseless suffering. It wasn’t a horror movie, an episode of Fringe (love), or even a Swine Flu story. It was beyond anything these could ever dream up.

It was the story of a young boy who killed himself. Unless you’re familiar with the story, you may initially think the young boy was in his early twenties or a teenager. Would it stop you cold in your tracks to know he was a fifth grader? Hence the clammy hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m greatly disturbed by anyone committing suicide – after all, the next day or even the next hour could right the ship and turn their life entirely around. The next person they spoke to could have JUST the thing they need to hear. Suicide is one of the most senseless and heartbreaking things I can imagine. Murdering yourself? I can’t even imagine the sort of extreme pain and helplessness that goes on inside of someone’s mind right before they end their own life.  But a child?  What a complete and total tragedy.

In this case, this little boy was the victim of bullies at school. According to his mother, he had complained to the school authorities but they had failed to do anything. If that’s the case, it’s something they’ll live with forever.

However, can I say something without seeming like a total jerk? If my child were being bullied at school, I wouldn’t have left it to the school authorities.  I would have gone to the parents of the bullies:  Face to face.  Never leave something entirely up to someone else, chances are they’ll fail you – don’t give them that chance.

In everyone’s defense, this is an entirely different generation that we’re dealing with here. Think back to an episode of Andy Griffith – the one where Opie is being bullied by a little chump who wants Opie’s lunch money. Andy decides to let Opie take care of it and, by the end of the show, Opie has a black eye – but he also has his lunch money.

I’m afraid that a lot of parents and school authorities seem to think they’re in Mayberry in the 1960s. Can you say, Far freaking from it?

The little boy who hung himself was being called ugly,  gay and “the Virgin” (because he was from the Virgin Islands) at school.  On his last day on earth, he didn’t want to go to school. I’m certain it was far too painful. When he came home from school, he went up to his room and hung himself with a belt in his closet. A fourth grader! A baby! And I’m getting sick again.

I wasn’t going to write about this simply because it’s such a painful and tragic subject. However, I can’t NOT write about it. Why? Because it’s such a painful and tragic subject – and one I hope to never see or read about ever again. I’m urging everyone to speak out against bullying, name calling, and intolerance. In our society, in our daily conversations, in our blogging, in our jokes, and so on.

  • How many times does the average person use derogatory, ugly names in regards to someone who looks different from them?
  • How many times does a child hear their parents criticize another person because they look different from how THEY think they should look?
  • How often does a son hear his dad make jokes about the sexual orientation of another person – treating them as though they aren’t even human?
  • How often does a daughter see hear mother use racial slurs?

Why can’t more people simply live their own life, enjoy themselves, have fun, try to help make the world a better, happier place and allow others to do the same?  WHY bully?  WHY make fun of people? WHY sneer at others?  WHY tell jokes that aren’t even remotely funny? People who have ever taken part in this sort of thing – I wish they could have watched the news story with me, because afterward I would have loved to have asked them, “Are you still laughing?’

This little boy looked different from the other kids and they pounced on him like wolves on a rabbit.  Like so many adults, they seemed to think they were the “norm,” that they were somehow superior – so they belittled, bullied, picked, and prodded an innocent child.  To death.

If you have children, grandchildren, or younger brothers and sisters, keep the lines of communication open. Explain to them the dangers (and vileness) of bullying and calling other people names. For crying out loud, be certain that you don’t do it, yourself – not even jokingly.  Trust me, it isn’t funny.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy such as this to educate people. Let’s make sure that that is exactly what happens. Personally, I think that most people (especially children) who bully are actually very unhappy. More times than not, they’re trying to fill a void in their own life. All the more reason to reach out to them.

Children should be taught that:

  • Everyone is different. It’s what makes the world a fascinating and interesting place to live.  They are JUST as different and original as anyone else they see.
  • Racism and intolerance are ugly, far uglier than the worst monster they can imagine. Hatred makes the individual who owns it ugly.  Point out to them that it’s the same as holding a red marker in your hand, without its lid.  The ink comes out and stains your hand.  If we hold hatred in our hearts and minds, ugliness and bitterness come out and stain all of us – not just our hands.
  • Illustrate your point with a box of crayons. Show the child how beautiful all of the different colors are.  Ask him or her how interested they’d be in a box where each and every crayon was the same color?!  Each pictured they colored would be entirely in that color alone.  Boring.
  • They should know that they will be punished if you ever find out they have bullied or made fun of another person. Let the child know that you have ZERO tolerance for them being cruel to another person.  Tell them that if this ever happens, they’ll find out exactly what grounded means!
  • Children should know that television is totally make believe. Reality television is kind of  blurring the lines for children, I’m afraid.  How could it not?!  It blurs the lines for some adults.  Always be extremely careful what young children watch on television and try to always watch their shows with them.   Don’t hesitate to hit pause during a show or movie to explain a situation to them.

Adults should know that:

  • Children are watching you.
  • Children are listening to you.
  • Children look up to you and imitate you, whether you realize it or not.

Hug the children in your life, take them out for a sundae, and have a really long talk with them. Chocolate therapy and hugs can make a difference…. and believe me one needs to be made.

Filed Under: Helping Children, Relationships Tagged With: bullies, childhood bullies, children bullying other children, self help advice, self help blog

Forget the Glass, Are the Moments of Your Day Empty or Full?!

October 16, 2008 by Joi 1 Comment

How do you spend your time?
My youngest daughter, Stephany, and I have been talking a lot lately about eating healthier. We really worked ourselves up into a frenzy over it today and have vowed to watch what we eat more carefully. Both of us have been doing a great deal of research on what foods do for (or to) us.

We’ve been focusing a lot of our wrath toward “empty calories” lately – those foods and drinks that either provide us with NO nutrients or provide us with potentially harmful fats, sodium, etc. How much smarter would it be to replace these harmful (at worst) or empty (at best) foods and drinks with foods or drinks that earn their keep and deserve our loyalty? For example, why not replace Diet Dr. Pepper (one of my guiltiest pleasures) with antioxidant-rich unsweetened tea all the time? I love tea and am even one of the rare birds that adores green tea, so there’s no reason for me to keep on chugging the good doctor, no matter how delicious I find him to be.

I was thinking earlier about how this same premise can be used in our lives – away from the table. If we take a really close look at our daily lives, we’ll find “empty” activities, habits, and thoughts. Some are fairly harmless but pointless, while others are down-right damaging.

What if these “empty” activities, habits, and thoughts were replaced with “productive” activities, habits, and thoughts? Could we handle the life improvement that would come from all of that self-improvement? I’d sure like to try!

Below are a few ideas to get your own thoughts and ideas flowing:

  • Instead of listening to entertaining, but fairly pointless, morning talk shows on your way to work – why not make a habit of listening to quality podcasts (itunes has every category you can think of) or great books on CD?  Learning something new is never, ever, ever not cool.
  • I love great tv shows as much as anyone (Heaven help the person who gets between me and The Biggest Loser), but if we put as much effort into physical activity as we did into program activity, we’d never worry about  our Levi’s being too tight ever again. I don’t like it any more than you do but it’s just common sense.
  • What if, instead of gossiping or nitpicking, we put our God-given gift of speech to better use and had quality conversations with the people in our lives?  What if we tried to accentuate the positive and build one another up?  What if we made it our goal to help as many people as we could each day?   For one thing.. It’ll all come back to you.  Karma? I’m a card-carrying member of her fan club.  She’s a faithful diva.  Never misses a beat.
  • If we get up from the internet after 2 hours, and we walk away without any benefit, inspiration, or knowledge, didn’t we just throw 2 hours out the back door?  2 hours that won’t even try to come back?
  • We should even be more aware of what we think about.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” (How I’m not 5’2″ of chocolate escapes me.)
  • If one has an incredibly unhealthy habit such as smoking, they need to move Heaven and earth and make it a thing of the past.  I don’t want to be a cyber nag, but I want everyone to be as healthy as possible and live a really long time.  Trade that habit in for a healthy one – and the sooner the better.  Come on, if I can step away from the diet soda, you can step away from the cigarettes.  We’ll just be grouchy together for a few weeks. Deal?
  • If you regularly spend a couple of hours in the evening reading novels and newspapers, (or watching tv or surfing the web), cut into that time and use it to clean and organize your house.  We feel better when things are tidy.  As a bonus, housecleaning is an activity and insists on burning some of our calories for us.

These are just a few ideas, I know you can think of a lot more.  Times are pretty tricky financially, and weight problems are as common as they are unhealthy.  Is it any wonder more and more people are getting so frustrated and overwhelmed?

One of the tricks, in my opinion, is to simply look at how you spend your time:

  • Passive or Productive?
  • Constructive or Destructive?
  • Helpful or Hurtful?
  • Empty or Full?

One more thought (keep in mind I’m a wife/mom above all else, so I’m biased):  Time spent with your family is never wasted.

Filed Under: Fitness, General, Health, Must Reads, Self Help, Time Management, Vintage Self Help Daily Tagged With: how you spend your time, Self Help, self help advice, self help article, self help blog, time management, wasting time

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