Vintage Self Help Daily

How to Relax MORE and Stress LESS

February 14, 2017 by Joi 5 Comments

Alexa Relaxes On a Whole Other Level

Relaxation is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Problem is, it can be fleeting. It seems that just when we’re basking in its comforting warmth, life throws us a curve ball and relaxation is the furthest thing from our minds. In baseball, the curve ball is one that often catches the batter off guard and he/she usually can’t do a thing with it.

Stressful events are a lot like that – they catch us off guard and we usually don’t know quite what to do with it. Often, like an over-matched batter, we stand there kind of wondering, “What just happened?”

It’s while we’re “standing there” that we have a decision to make. We can adjust and adapt (before the next pitch) or we can be completely overcome and, in effect, take our slow and humbling walk back to the dugout.

If we make a habit of adjusting and adapting, we’ll find ourselves “handling stress” as opposed to being at its mercy.

Like poison ivy, if stress jumps on us, its nastiness just seems to spread.

If we don’t handle stress, it will handle us.

Adjust and Adapt

As I’ve mentioned on the self help blog before, a few years ago, my oldest daughter (Emily) and I had to stop eating gluten and wheat for health reasons. Do you have any idea how many foods contain gluten or wheat? I lost track of the times Emily and I said, “It’s everywhere!”

CURVE BALL.

To have your life greatly changed by something like this is stressful. Over the years, I’ve read many accounts of people in our boat who cried for days and even became borderline depressed. We didn’t see the need or appeal for either of these reactions – they kind of struck us as extreme.

What we did see the need for was to adjust and adapt.

Back to baseball for a minute (I’m a baseball fanatic, so you can always just assume I’ll be going back at some point) – the best batters are the ones who step up to the plate and are able to adjust and adapt to the game and to the situation.

The umpire behind the plate is consistently calling outside pitches strikes – a great batter stops letting them go by.
The tying run is at first or second base, a great batter tries to hit behind the runner and move him along.
The pitcher has a nasty fast ball and you can tell by the gleam in his eye that he’s about to unleash it – a great batter holds on tight and swings so hard he comes out of his or her shoes!

Adjust to the situation and adapt to the game as it is – not as you wish it was, not as you know it should be. A batter can KNOW the pitches being called strikes in the game are balls but knowing is not going to help him in the least. Arguing with the man behind the plate isn’t exactly going to win him to your side and I’ve yet to see one take the advice of an angry player or manager.

It’s the same with life. We can KNOW that it isn’t fair for a certain situation to crop up, but what are we going to do? Stand there and argue with life… or, worse yet, God? Whether people realize it or not, when they cry for days, have angry outbursts, or get borderline depressed, that’s exactly what they’re doing – they’re trying to argue with life and “win the calls.”

Having to entirely change the way I eat and cook turned my world upside down. For one thing, I am an avid cook, and have been since I was 19. It is a huge part of my identity.

I cook. I bake. I am.

I had always been especially known for my buttermilk biscuits, cakes and pies, homemade sourdough bread, spinach manicotti, and fried cornbread. Let’s be honest, sometimes life seems cruel with its irony.

Not only is cooking a HUGE part of my life, I have a food blog! Suddenly it became a much-altered food blog – just as I became a much-altered cook.

UGLY CURVE BALL.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also do restaurant reviews on Genuine Kentucky. These restaurant reviews are one of the funnest parts of my online web publishing. Going to new restaurants (or old favorites) and trying different food to photograph and write about always made me feel like a kid on Christmas morning! Suddenly I had to accept the fact that the number of restaurants I could now visit was greatly limited as was the food I could enjoy.

I’m still kind of surprised that I didn’t cry for days. Fortunately, I learned long ago that tears don’t help a single thing – they just make your cheeks wet and your eyes red. What does help is… you guessed it… adjusting and adapting.

Long story short – I still love doing restaurant reviews (even though they’ve been limited for obvious reasons) and I love cooking even more than I did before. I guess the part of me that loves a challenge stepped up to the plate and begged for the fast ball.

Sometimes I’m silly like that.

Stress isn’t just bad for our emotional health, it’s horrible for our physical health. What’s more, it’s a nightmare for our relationships. I could go on for three days about how stress ruins your life, but I think you are already well aware of this, so let’s just move on to what we can do about it.

Relaxation 101: Take a Personal Inventory

To find out if stress has the upper hand in your world, ask yourself the following question:

Do little things seem to set me off?

Things like unfortunate stop lights, people who pull out in front of you, a barking dog, a crying baby, a restaurant messing up your order, your son’s girlfriend’s piercings, your son’s piercings, and so on are simply NOT worth the energy most people spend on them.

I’m sure you’ve seen people in restaurants pitching embarrassing tantrums because their order isn’t right. Not worth it.

When an individual falls off the handle and comes completely unglued, his/her central nervous system assumes something horribly traumatic has happened in life and reacts accordingly. If they make a habit of this throughout the week, they’re grossly mistreating their bodies.

It is just so not worth it!

A Few Relaxation Tips and Suggestions:

It may sound ridiculous, but just realizing that you need to relax will help you more than anything. If you keep pinning blame on everyone else and, like an argumentative baseball player, are only interested in “being right,” you have a long road ahead of you. But if you can honestly say, “I need to relax more.” – You’re on your way. The thing is, you need to remind yourself to relax every single day. Some days, it may take a couple dozen reminders. Your health and your happiness depend upon you finding a way to adapt to the situation and adjust your reactions. Angry because the line at the grocery store is taking too long, ask yourself, “What’s my hurry? Where do I have to be?” You’ll probably discover you aren’t under any time restraints. Adjust to the situation, grab your iPhone and check your messages, Twitter, e-mail, or Pinterest. Or grab a magazine and read a little – if you grab the right one you might see what a Bigfoot Alien baby looks like. That’s always entertaining.
Put something that makes you smile in a prominent place – a sticker, stuffed animal, picture of a loved one, etc. Each time you look at it, let it serve as a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment. I have a little stuffed bison on my desk that makes me smile whenever I look at him. A while back we had a problem with hackers on several of our sites and I got to the point I seldom took my eyes off of him. I’m just thankful he didn’t get a restraining order.
Stop DEMANDING so much from life and just ENJOY it. It doesn’t take everything in the world to be happy – it just takes being happy and content with your own little world and what and who is in it. A lot of people get so caught up in trying to be life’s director that they forget that they, like the rest of us, are simply part of the cast. Why anyone would want to take on the responsibility of telling restaurants, stores, electric companies, Twitter followers, and everyone in between how to live their life (to better suit THEM) is beyond me. Live your life like the beautiful gift that it is. Don’t find yourself one day at 99 years old wondering why you spend so much time complaining about the little things. Be the 99 year old that’s still smiling because life is and always has been such a hoot!
Take about a dozen really deep breaths when you’re feeling stressed. I’m not sure why this helps to signal relaxation to our bodies, but it does. Unfortunately, most of us take rapid, shallow breaths. This type of breathing makes the rest of the body think we’re in some sort of battle. Slowing our breathing down signals to it that all’s well. A funny thing about breathing, sometimes we’re actually holding our breath and don’t realize it. Become more aware of your breathing, and take it to new depths.
If you’re going through a stressful time, or if you feel overwhelmed at work, drink more water. This is something else we don’t do enough of. Our bodies actually require more water than we usually drink, and when we shortchange it, we suffer: Physically, emotionally, and mentally. Nutritionists say that we need more water, especially when stressed. It actually helps, so it’s a very easy and painful proactive thing we can do.
Make sure you’re getting enough rest. Not just sleep (although it’s glorious and healing) – but also good old-fashioned “down time.” Whether your idea of unwinding is watching tv, reading, or cruising the internet, have at it. Be sure to allow yourself plenty of time to unwind and simply enjoy living in the moment each day.
Keep things in perspective. We blow so many things up that should be allowed to stay the tiny, insignificant little things they are. Sometimes it helps if you put yourself in someone else’s shoes. When the server doesn’t refill your drink as often as you want her/him to – imagine working on your feet 8 hours every day, earning very little pay, and (most frightening of all) having to deal with the public all day. YIKES! Maybe it’ll make you smile and politely ask for another drink rather than stew and mentally deduct from the tip. Don’t be that person.
Play soothing music. If you have relaxation cds, play them to relax and wind down. If you don’t have any relaxing music in your collection, don’t fret – YouTube has plenty in their’s. Simply go to YouTube and search for Relaxing Music (or relaxing piano music, classical music, relaxation…). You’ll literally feel the stress leave your body. One of my favorites is “Japanese Garden Music” – I even listen to it when I’m already as relaxed as a chubby cat (see pic above).
Hang out with your pets. Our precious cats are more than just family, they’re built in relaxation magic. Simply petting a purring cat or a tail-wagging dog brings your whole body and mind to a calmer, happier, and more relaxed state. If you don’t have a pet, consider heading to your local Humane Society today and adopting one or two! They aren’t just excellent company… they’re family.
Read a good book. Read the Bible, Emily Dickinson poetry, a historical novel, a biography, a National Geographic magazine, or even the comics in your newspaper – whatever floats your boat. When you slow down long enough to engage your mind in reading, your breathing slows down, your pulse slows down… in essence, your whole world slows down.

For your own health and happiness, as well as those around you – start practicing relaxation tactics immediately. Become an expert at catching yourself as soon as tension begins to build. Tell yourself, out loud, “This isn’t a big deal.” When we focus on situations, we make them so big that they become like huge ogres in the car or room with us. But if we simply say, “Not worth it,” they suddenly shrink.

Adapt. Adjust. Then enjoy life for the beautiful gift it is.

~ Joi (“Joy”)

What is Up With All the Self-Absorbed People?!

January 5, 2017 by Joi Leave a Comment

A lot of people say, “I hate to complain…” but honestly, I have an absolute aversion to it. In fact, when growing up, many times my mom would take me to the doctor only to find that I was much sicker than she thought. I simply didn’t complain.

I still don’t. Don’t like the way complaining tastes in my mouth. Does that make me perfect? HA! Far from it – it simply makes me an optimist who takes her title seriously.

However, I have to do a little belly-aching today. What is up with all of the self-absorbed people these days?! I am not about to get into any politics or world events – I may be a lot of things (crazy cat lady, clown, hideous budgeter, chocoholic, caffeine addict…) but flaming idiot is not one of them. Why does the average man or woman think that THEY’RE opinion is the only one that counts?

Why does the average man or woman not only get mad when others disagree with them… but outraged?! It’s as though they’re screaming, “How dare you not think the way I think?! HOW. DARE. YOU?!!”

What makes their opinions, thoughts, or beliefs more valuable than the people they’re spraying anger all over?

Nothing. The problem is they are self-absorbed and can barely grasp that the world isn’t bowing to their every whim.

The self-absorbed epidemic isn’t just on the big stage, of course. It’s popping up everywhere – in fact, if you watch for it, you’ll be amazed at how rampant it is.

Think about it….

People take pictures of themselves and plaster them all over the internet – surely everyone else is as interested in how they looked this afternoon as they are.
They take their holier-than-thou selves to other people’s blogs, YouTube channels, websites, and social media and tell them what they’re doing wrong, what’s wrong with how they look, and how blissfully far from perfect they are. (I recently read someone criticize a celebrity chef for their fudge recipe… she said it was too sweet. Fudge! Too sweet!)
How many people have you seen in a GORGEOUS location with their camera phone pointed at themselves instead of the beauty around them?!
Ever listen to “podcasts?” Self-Absorption is rampant there, too. It never fails to amaze me how some “hosts” or “interviewers” always turn the subject back to themselves. The guest can be talking about his/her field of expertise and how they can help others… only to be interrupted a hundred times by the host who seems aghast that the subject has veered away from them. I once found myself counting the number of times one guy said, “I” or “Me” or “My” during an interview. I lost track at 50 something and he wasn’t halfway through.
Selfies are a thing. However did we survive without taking pictures of ourselves before social media?! I guess we always figured that if we did something worthy of a picture, someone else would take it.
The people who get so bent out of shape in traffic, stores, or restaurants? Sure, a lot of it is bad manners, immaturity, and short fuses, but at the heart of it is this – they are totally self-absorbed and can’t imagine how anyone could dare get in their way or slow them down.

The list goes on, but I’m kind of getting depressed, so I’ll end here.

What I’m driving at isn’t really intended for the self-absorbed crowd. No one can really help someone overcome a trait like that – the individual has to have a light-bulb moment and get so completely disgusted with themselves that they change. Unfortunately, you simply cannot turn someone else’s light-bulb on for them. Sure, you can try, but if they aren’t ready to SEE, they’ll simply slap your hand and turn it back off.

I’m just kind of giving the rest of us a reminder – don’t follow where they lead. Here’s the thing, even when we detest certain traits with everything within us, we sometimes follow suit. I read once that children who are abused often grow up to be abusive. That seems completely backward, doesn’t it? They should know better than anyone how wrong it is to EVER hurt another person. And yet…

A lot of it comes down to self awareness. We’d all do well to occasionally take a good, honest look at the person we’re becoming and ask, “Is this what I had in mind?”

When you live in a particular society, it can rub off on you if you aren’t careful. It can become the “norm.” Just think of the people we have made rich and famous – some of the most self-absorbed people to ever walk the earth.

Don’t let it become normal to you and… whatever you do… don’t drink the Kool-Aid. The more people who do become self-absorbed, the worse off we’ll all be. Be on guard against accepting their way as the right way. It isn’t. Be concerned about others, compassionate, and always on the look out for someone’s life you can touch. Put others first and see how rewarding your life will be!

Okay, complaining over. I’m going to drink a Chai Tea Latte to get the negativity out of my mouth.

I hope your New Year is off to a beautiful start. I have SO many things planned for Self Help Daily this year! Thanks for visiting – you honestly honor me with your company. ~ Joi (“Joy”)

How to Keep From “Losing” Yourself in the Ugliness Around Us

November 30, 2016 by Joi Leave a Comment

Life is Too Short to Be Anything But Happy!

Never Let Anyone Else Rob You Of Your Joy or Silence Your Happiness!First things first. Before I go any further…. I just want to say that I do not have a “side” when it comes to the recent Presidential election. I did not vote this particular election and, what’s more, while watching the results on CNN that evening, I did not feel the overwhelming “investment” I’d felt in past elections.

My personal candidate was Marco Rubio, and I greatly respected Ben Carson as well. If Vice President Joe Biden had thrown his hat into the race, I would have had a candidate in each party. I guess I should be glad I never had to face the problem of liking too many players in the game!

Don’t get me wrong, unlike most people, I don’t feel any animosity toward Hilary Clinton or President-Elect Donald Trump. I respect many of the things they’ve done in life, including their children. Are they perfect? No more so than you or I. I wish both of them a world of happiness and success in life. I have no time for or inclination toward hate, bitterness, or resentment – so if you’re waiting for me to spew any ugliness, you’ll be sorely disappointed. I leave the judging to God.

I only point these facts out because there is an unreal amount of hate swirling around these days and I don’t want anyone thinking I have a political agenda. I have no such thing. What I have is a “happy agenda” and I’ve had a bad case of it for as long as I can remember.

I want people to be happy! Not just the “smile on their face” kind of happy, either. I want people to be so happy and so in love with life that they find it almost impossible to sit still.

The present emotional climate in the world is stormy with signs of getting worse before it gets better. And this from an eternal optimist! I take no joy in pointing it out, but if you expose yourself even slightly to social media or mainstream news, you already know this assessment is spot on.

Is this a tragic situation? No…… It is what it is. History is filled with tragedies – any fellow history buffs reading this are already nodding their heads in agreement. The Boston Massacre, the Trail of Tears, Slavery, the Civil War, Concentration Camps, and on and on. Those were unspeakable, unimaginable, and gut-wrenching tragedies.

History is also filled with protests, marches, anger, and the other situations we are seeing on an almost daily basis. These periods come and they, eventually, go.

One of my mom’s favorite quotes was, “This, too, shall pass.” Eventually, the anger, raging, fighting, and lashing out will die down. In the meantime, I want to encourage as many people as I possibly can not to “lose” yourself in the ugliness. If that means removing yourself from it – as in getting off of social media or cutting back on the news – do it. Do whatever it takes.

I, personally, (as a web publisher) have to stick it out. Sometimes it feels like I’m standing out in the rain without an umbrella. My main social media activity is on Twitter and, within just the past two years, the rain has felt more like a raging storm…

I’ve seen close friends go at one another in ways I’d never have thought possible. All because they disagreed on a Presidential candidate!
I’ve seen wonderful, easy-going Christian men and women who once tweeted encouraging and uplifting messages become so filled with hate and anger that their tweets should come with warning labels.
Put simply, hate and anger are absolutely everywhere – celebrities, corporations, news outlets, social media platforms… they’re all getting into the mix.

As I said earlier, the emotional climate in the world isn’t what I’d call tragic. However, I’ll tell you what IS tragic – seeing people lose who they are and what they stand for. It’s tragic to see individuals become so consumed with hate and anger that they cannot even carry on civil conversations. People have lost the ability to civilly disagree with others. They’ve lost the ability to accept that others have opinions that may be different from their own.

People today have the mindset of, “I’m right and if you don’t agree with me, you are wrong.” But they don’t just stop there… they will unload on anyone and everyone with name-calling, belittling, accusations, and venomous anger.

Simply for having a different opinions.

So where do we go from here? In addition to praying (day and night!) for things to change, we have to be on guard. We have to make sure that we don’t allow others to steal our joy. We also have to be on constant guard for something else – we have to make sure we don’t turn into them. Think of a zombie movie for a minute. What’s the worst possible thing to happen in a zombie movie? For the hero or heroine to become a zombie – for them to become the vile, cruel, and.. let’s face it… downright ugly zombie.

If we give the bitter, angry crowd too much of our time, our hearts, and our thoughts… we will slowly become more and more like them. What a revolting thought!

Who in their right mind would want to spend so much time angry, bitter, resentful, and mean-spirited – all while being constantly on the prowl for something else to get upset about.

A few nights ago, I saw a young man (who, a year ago, was one of the calmest, happiest people on all of Twitter) – within a span of 30 minutes – verbally attack THREE different groups of people. Not one, not two.. but three. He hurled accusations and made a bitter little spectacle of himself. I instantly thought back to who he used to be and felt kind of sick to my stomach. Slowly but surely, he lost himself.

I hope that hasn’t happened to you and, if you’re close to “the line,” I hope this will serve as a reminder.

Actionable Ideas

Unfollow any social media accounts that spew negativity and ugliness. EVEN if they’re simply reporting news – some news accounts are inherently negative and, trust me, you don’t need that in your life.
If you see a news story coming on that you know will “stick with you,” turn the channel. You aren’t going to lose any life points by not knowing all the news stories.
Each day – throughout the day – ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?” Frequently reminding yourself that you want to be happy, positive, encouraging, and giving will help you keep from slipping into anger and will keep you from throwing an adult temper tantrum… which is possibly the ugliest thing in the entire world. Yes, even uglier than zombies. Before speaking, “tweeting,” or even “retweeting” get into the habit of asking yourself, “Is this the person I want to be?”
Spend more time doing what brings you joy. Enjoy sports on tv, watch old movies, read Agatha Christie mysteries (or your own favorite author, of course!), watch the History Channel, cook, take up a new hobby, play with your pet, walk… whatever your bliss is, don’t just walk to it, run to it. When “times are rough,” like they currently are, you need these blissful moments more than ever.

Life is short and we aren’t going to get a second shot in this life. Please don’t spend it worked up about things that are beyond your control. It isn’t good for your family, your mind, your happiness, or your health. Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy.

Ironically, after typing out well over 1,00 words, I think we can sum it all up in two: Choose happiness.

Keep smiling!

~ Joi (“Joy”)

Tips for Coping with Stress

July 7, 2016 by Joi 7 Comments

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin

I am more thankful than I could ever convey for the ability to work from home. I thank God daily for allowing me this great blessing. Many times a day, if we’re being exact. Having cats as my co-workers and being able to look out of the window by my desk and see birds, squirrels, trees, and flowers as opposed to office walls or frantic human beings leaves me unspeakably grateful.

I’ll take squirrels chasing one another for the last dried corn cob over humans who think they’ve been slighted in the least any day of the week and twice on Mondays.

Don’t get me wrong, working from home doesn’t give you a “Bypass all Stress” card. Not in the slightest. It simply means that I have the luxury of handling my stress in front of a long-haired, slightly chubby cat (or any other combination of family members, if they happen to be in the vicinity).

If you work from home with web designing, web hosting, blogging, web publishing, graphic art, or anything that involves software, computers, plugins, and anything else we never even thought of in the 80’s, you know that the potential for problems (as well as the stress they bring) is great.

Throw human beings into the mix and it shoots up even higher.

Even if you have the luxury of dressing casually, wearing house shoes, and having an endless supply of coffee at your disposal – you’re still familiar with stress.

Ever notice how you can go along smoothly – with everything humming beautifully – for months on end, only to have a series of nightmares hit back to back to back. This is exactly how a span of about 4 months played out for me at the first of the year. One day, as I just sat in my computer chair starring out the window, I thought, “I cannot even remember what a normal day feels like.” Unfortunately there was no sympathy to be had in my front yard, even from the doves, so I simply went back to work.

For about an 8 week span, each day involved endless hours at the computer repairing and rebuilding multiple websites that had been hacked. Because of sub-human morons in the world, this human had to navigate through hell on earth, fueled only by coffee and sweet tea.

Even though my computer and I have always had a beautiful relationship built on mutual respect, I found myself snarling at it each time I saw it. Once I even referred to it as a pile of heartache and wires. To me, it was associated with stress, aggravation, and… let’s just put this out there…. misery.

One day, my computer started acting up and I was afraid something was terribly wrong with it. Fortunately, my husband was able to restore it to its original glory.

It really gave me a scare and I’m convinced it was paying me back for all the snarls.

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin

Because I’m particularly clever when under stress (sarcasm of the highest order), I fell into the trap of playing “what if” roulette with my future.

What if I can’t get this company’s website restored?
What if these websites all fall from Google’s graces completely?
What if something goes wrong with every website I’ve ever met?
What if tomorrow never comes?

Okay, the last one is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. I exacerbated a bad situation by borrowing trouble and imaging the worst possible scenarios instead of the best possible scenarios.

Not once did I say or imagine anything like…

What if I put this website back together and make it even better than it was before?
What if, through this storm, I find a rainbow that makes it all worth it?
What if adversity is a professor and I’m learning valuable lessons?

Funny thing is, although I didn’t ask these questions… or even remotely consider them… each would have been prophetic if I had. The 3 business websites I rebuilt and redesigned? They look 100 times better than they did before. My own websites that I re-did? They look, and function, 100 times better than before. Did I learn anything? Did I ever! I feel like I got a lesson in web security and it was utterly fascinating.

It reminded me of the GREAT Dolores Seymour quote, “When life kicks you, let it kick you forward!”

I guess at some point I finally decided that the old saying, “You either handle stress or it handles you” is dead on true. I was allowing stress to lead me around by the nose. It was taking the joy and happiness out of each day and I was allowing it.

I had always loved my workdays before the 8 weeks from hell came along. My weekdays would start the same way – with coffee in hand, I’d feed my husband, cats, birds, squirrels, and sometimes even myself breakfast. Then, with coffee in hand, I’d get dressed and ready for the day. Lighting a fragrant candle would signal that online work was about to commence and, with coffee in hand, I’d sit at my beloved computer and get busy.

My workdays were bliss for me.

Then hell months hit. I stopped lighting candles each day, stomped around, and… this hurts to admit.. but started feeling a little sorry for myself. Yeah, it’s an ugly thing to do, but there you have it.

I had a heart to heart with myself – not out loud, of course, the family worries when I do that. I realized that I was going about it all wrong. I reminded myself that I was still ridiculously blessed to be able to work from home. I identified a few things on my perennial “to do” lists that simply weren’t that important.

Found them, ditched them, walked away, didn’t look back.

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” – Sydney J. Harris

Almost immediately, the old feelings of enthusiasm returned – before and after the work day. My computer and I became kindred spirits again. No more snarling or hurling accusations on my part and no more faking injuries like an overly-dramatic soccer player on her part.

The feelings of being overwhelmed and stretched like a rubber band went away and I didn’t just burn my old candles each day, I went out and burned new candles.

Sometimes making small, seemingly insignificant moves can alleviate stress in surprising ways.

If you’re feeling stressed in any way, take a good, close look at your life. What areas are causing you stress? Find ways to alleviate any stress you can – remember, every little move helps. Let’s say that again, with emphasis. Every. Little. Move. Helps.

Tips for Dealing with Stress

Is your workload too heavy? If it is, lightening it will actually work out better in the long run. Being able to give MORE of yourself to FEWER projects results in better projects and a better you.
Do you worry too much about others? Even if it’s your own children, try to make yourself realize that they will make mistakes, just as you have done. What’s more, they’ll survive and learn from them, just as you have. You cannot get between your child and every conceivable wrong turn, setback, or misstep. Been there, tried that, looked a fool.
Is your house causing you a never-ending battle? Work and everyday life are stressful enough – the last thing you need is your house playing for the wrong team! Set aside a little time each day to cut into clutter and straighten that which has become crooked. Buy new shelves or totes, if need be, and create less clutter and stress in your environment. If you don’t have a dishwasher, buy one! Stay on top of household chores – this way they won’t get in your face demanding your attention. Always try to stay three steps ahead by putting things away as you use them, throwing away trash immediately, and cleaning behind you as you go about your business. A cluttered, messy home adds to your levels of stress without you even realizing it.
Try to set aside a little time each evening to just enjoy life. Take a few hours each night and leave the “real world” behind. I love to kick back and watch tv with my husband and cat. It’s great to spend time with them and it’s a nice experience to just do nothing. Truth be told, sometimes I embrace nothingness like a long lost relative. If your first reaction is, “I can’t take 2 hours to just do nothing, I have to do this and I have to do that…” – then I have to tell you, you’re heading (and speeding to get there) for trouble. As the Roman Poet Ovid said, “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” If you don’t have the signs of being stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, or temperamental yet – they’re just around the corner, awaiting your arrival. Hopefully, you’ll change your course and not join that unsavory party.
Remind yourself how blessed you are. Counting your blessings brings about a beautiful feeling of happiness and contentment. Stress doesn’t like to go up against these emotions, so he bows out. He looks much better going than coming.
If something – at work, at home, or even in a relationship – is out of your pay-grade, ask for help. We are all human and, therefore, unable to do everything. We aren’t perfect and can’t possibly know everything (that’s going to come as a real shock to some people). When I was battling website hackers, I did a lot of research and found a service I desperately needed. I did not and do not have the technical know-how or capabilities to fight off the enemy, so I found someone who does. There is no shame in saying, “This is beyond my abilities…” In fact, sometimes it’s the smartest thing you can say.
Don’t mentally check out of today and venture off into tomorrow. Don’t allow your brain to come up with a slew of “what if” scenarios. Our brains are very creative and, when under stress, they will draw up the most imaginative and dire predictions you ever saw. Stick with what IS happening, try your best to control what WILL happen, and don’t fret over what COULD happen. Stick with what’s in your control.
Slow down. Breathe. When under stress, we take little choppy breaths that don’t do us any good whatsoever. Worse, still, we’ll often hold our breath – which is even worse. The body kind of goes into panic mode at that point, and who can blame it?! Slow down and remember to keep taking deep, calming breaths. Another benefit of slowing down is you’ll pay more attention to what you’re doing, which will lessen your chances of causing any more stress!

It’s funny, isn’t it, that so many people think they can’t possibly slow down. They seem to equate being busy as treading water and fear that if they slow down, they’ll go under.

In actuality, when you throw off the heavy backpack, you find that you have more time to swim.

Oddly enough, I think part of the problem lies within this quote about computers, “No matter how fast your computer system runs, you will eventually come to think of it as slow.”

Our generation has become so accustomed to fast forward and has gotten so used to dancing to the “Git ‘r done” tune that many of us see slowing down as standing still. Needless to say, we need to adjust that thinking before it’s too late. You remember what’s waiting around the corner, don’t you?

We’d hate to have that realization hit us one day with one arm in a blood pressure cup as the other gestures in a how-did-this-happen motion. It’d be even worse, in my opinion, to have it dawn on us one day when our child is reliving his or her childhood and we realize that we’d missed a big chunk of the scenery.

The time to slow down is today. Tomorrow will be brighter because of it.

~ Joi (“Joy”)

When Life Kicks You, Let it Kick You Forward.

Thursday Throwback: Are Your Moments Empty, Full, or Somewhere in Between?

January 15, 2015 by Joi Leave a Comment

Just as tiny little drops of water form huge bodies of water, tiny little moments form your life. Powerful thought, isn’t it?

On one of my other blogs, Out of Bounds, I always “sign off” with one of my favorite things to say, “Make each moment count double!”

I’m beginning to think maybe I’m a little obsessed with moments, but that’s another subject for another day.

For today’s Thursday Throwback, I’ll throw you back to a post from a while back on Self Help Daily: Forget the Glass, Are Your Moments Empty or Full?!

Make each moment count double! 😉

~ Joi